"I take orders from the Octoboss."

Vern wants you to Pay Homage to the Man With The Ponytail… Steven Seagal! And get a PLAYSTATION 3 for the effort!


Which I imagine is something you guys do in your spare time anyway, so why not?

Hello friends, Vern here. As many of you know, I self-published a book last year called SEAGALOGY, which forever changed the lives of the couple hundred people who read it. If you have noticed any kind of improvement in the world or change in the essence of a man since then I think it is fair for me to take full credit. Well, on June 10th a new revised and updated edition of the book will come to book stores everywhere thanks to Titan Books, a fine British publisher also responsible for the greatest coffee table book I know of Click Here! Obviously an in-depth study of the films of Steven Seagal sells itself, but as a sign of respect for my mission the nice people at Titan decided to promote the book through the medium of contest. Basically what you have to do to enter is make a video paying tribute to what you like about Seagal. The basics:

* “Your video must be based on the principles of Seagalogy, the study of the ass-kicking films of Steven Seagal.”

* It can be any length, but preferably less than 5 minutes. (I guess just try to keep it shorter than Seagal’s speech about the environment at the end of ON DEADLY GROUND.)

* You can’t use copyrighted material in it (including soundtracks from Seagal movies and what not) because I hate court and will not go to court just so you guys can get a Playstation

* the contest ends June 30th Also please note that I will be choosing the winners, so you’re not gonna want to just make fun of the guy.

I want to see people staging their version of an epic Seagal scenario. I want to see action, I want to see speeches, maybe even some blues. But be creative, do what you want, maybe you will win me over with your own approach. Here’ s Titan’s You Tube profile page: Click Here You can read the full rules there and also watch some videos of people talking about Seagal. I’m not sure what they’re talking about in some of those clips and there’s a puppet in there for some reason, but that’s okay, we’re all in this together. And then there is a Youtube group where you post your entries: Click Here Please be sure to read those rules. One winner will get a Playstation 3, which I have been told is some sort of video game machine that people use. Also they will get the game of their choice with it. There is not a Seagal game yet but I believe there is a HARD BOILED one, so look into that. Tetris is also alot of fun I recommend Tetris. 5 runners up will receive a copy of SEAGALOGY which is worth less money than the Playstation but will add more to your life and to the world of film criticism so in my opinion there’s really 5 first place winners and only 1 runner up.

I cannot give you a taste of the Playstation, but if you want to read the UNDER SIEGE chapter of SEAGALOGY out of context and with the curse words redacted it is available on the MTV Movie Blog Click HEre, a popular web sight known for not showing music videos. Anyway let’s do this. Let’s see some ball kicking, some broken windows, some superior attitude, superior state of mind.

thanks everybody,
acclaimed author

p.s. I can back that up too. Here is a Herc-style compilation of acclaim for SEAGALOGY:

“Seagalogy is a raucous, thigh-slapping and informative read that can murder spare time as easily as Steven Seagal can break peoples’ necks. In short Vern’s Seagalogy is an unexpected gem.” –mania.com (Mania Grade: A. Maniac Grade: A+. [I’m not sure what that means.])

“With the obsession of a fan and the authoritative tone of a professor, Vern takes us through every film with attention to plot, themes, dialogue, influences and even politics… This book shouldn’t exist in this form, it shouldn’t be so wise-crackingly funny, but it does and it is.” –denofgeek.com (4 stars out of 5)

“Now I had never heard of the author before breaking this book’s arm, throwing its head through a car windshield and calling it a life. But now the duder will stay in my noggin since he has earned my respect via this affectionate, in depth and often side splitting piece of work.” –Arrow in the Head (3.5 out of 4)

“SEAGALOGY not only made me laugh my ass off, but sent me to Amazon to buy some of the early Seagal DVDs I didn’t already own. This book is an instant cult classic.” –Bookgasm

“I urge you to all go out and buy Vern’s new book Seagalogy – it’s a great read. It’s not only informative, it’s entertaining, and darn funny. ” –Clint Morris, moviehole.net

“While Vern’s observations are often laugh-out-loud funny, don’t make the mistake of thinking that Seagalogy is a joke. As he explores the themes of multiculturalism, governmental corruption, and environmental activism that appear throughout the Seagalian oeuvre, Vern makes a strong case for Seagal being a true auteur of bad-ass cinema, putting his own personal stamp on everything he touches. You may never look at Under Siege 2 the same way again.” –Smooth magazine (5 out of 5 stars)

Originally posted at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/36862

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 28th, 2008 at 12:52 pm and is filed under AICN, Blog Post (short for weblog). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

2 Responses to “Vern wants you to Pay Homage to the Man With The Ponytail… Steven Seagal! And get a PLAYSTATION 3 for the effort!”

  1. Vern, did anybody win the PS3? Are the videos anywhere on-line?

    Also, I came across this video today and it’s pretty great.

    Stephen Tobolowsky on working with Steven Seagal

    Watch Tobolowsky’s latest movie: theprimaryinstinct.com For licensing and media inquiries, go to http://www.cut.com/licensing Produced, directed, and edited ...

  2. Vern, if you never gave away the PS3, I’ll glady accept it on their behalf.

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