A few years ago when I wrote about ENTER THE NINJA and REVENGE OF THE NINJA I know everybody told me I had to watch part 3 and it was hilarious and all that. And I always intended to get to it but see I was on a serious ninja kick, I wanted real ninja action and not just some dumb bullshit to laugh at because a girl from BREAKIN’ gets possessed by a ninja.
But forgive me, man. I was on the outside. There was no way to really know without seeing it that NINJA III is a must-see.
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I’ve finally seen NINJA ASSASSIN, produced by the Wachowskis, directed by James McTeigue, their second unit director and the director of V FOR VENDETTA. The bad news is it’s not the instant classic or genre reviver I figured it would be when I first heard they were making it, the good news is it’s not the unwatchable trash most of the reviews have told me it was. The Scott Adkins movie NINJA could top it (I just ordered a Thai DVD of it) but that’s okay, I still had a fun time at the movies. Here is the ticket stub:
Get it? Ass. (more…)
Well they got spaghetti western versions of the samurai movies, they got American versions of Japanese horror movies, they got a black version of THE ODD COUPLE. So if it’s 1989 and you’re Australian director Philip Noyce (THE QUIET AMERICAN, RABBIT-PROOF FENCE), why not do a white version of ZATOICHI with Rutger Hauer as a soldier blinded and left for dead in Vietnam, nursed and trained in swordsmanship and now wandering the sides of American highways ready to unleash his sword-cane if it comes to it?
That Vietnam origin story, by the way, is all taken care of during the opening credits, which is admirable. No time wasted.
White Zatoichi goes to reveal his “alive” status to a war buddy played by “Terrance O’Quinn,” who people now call “so-and-so from LOST” but he is actually THE STEPFATHER. Before the swordsman gets there, O’Quinn gets kidnapped by the mafia and forced to use his chemistry skills to formulate a sea blue “designer drug.” The wife (creepy-eyed Meg Foster from THEY LIVE) gets shot right in front of White Zatoichi’s ears so he takes their son on the road to try to reunite him with his father.
This is a weird and enjoyable movie, but you know you’re in some trouble as soon as you realize this kid is gonna be in the whole movie. You can’t blame the poor kid, but he is not exactly a great screen presence. The movie was made in 1989 and he’s the usual type of spunky blond brat who starred in children’s TV at that time. Then every once in a while he gets emotional and starts crying. This is an enjoyable movie but probaly more for kids than for adults. (more…)
(aka NINJA II)
REVENGE OF THE NINJA isn’t connected to the story of ENTER THE NINJA. Franco Nero’s White Ninja character is nowhere to be seen, defying the promise of his final freeze-frame wink. Which is bullshit, man. If you’re gonna wink – especially if you’re gonna freeze-frame wink – you better fuckin mean it.
However, Sho Kosugi (who died in part 1) is reborn as a different character, a collector of Japanese antique dolls whose family is killed by ninjas. His white friend convinces him to take his son and mom to AMerica to open a gallery for his dolls. And I don’t think I need to point out that any time in an action or fighting movie where you are discussing the hero’s doll collection you are on some paper thin ice. But I’ll be charitable and accept this as a fulfillment of the Theory of Badass Juxtaposition.
What Sho doesn’t know is his white friend is an asshole and set the whole thing up so he could smuggle heroin in the dolls. Which seems like a lot of trouble to go through, but I can understand if he’s uncomfortable with the traditional balloons up the butthole business model. He probaly saw MARIA FULL OF GRACE like I did. Anyway, Sho’s son – played by his real son, Kane Kosugi – is a little badass. There’s a funny scene where he gets picked on by bullies who could be the junior members of a gang in a Michael Jackson video. And of course he deals with them ninja style.
Little Kane is in that classic predicament: he’s trained in ninjitsu fighting and swords but he isn’t allowed to use it. It’s tradition to practice, but the family doesn’t believe in violence, he’s told. That’s one of the classic scenarios, the Ticking Time Bomb of Badass. (more…)
This week I followed an anonymous tip to take a look at an individual name Sho Kosugi. This guy starred in a series of ninja movies and was said to be a missing link in my badass studies to date. I looked him up and found that ENTER THE NINJA is also known as NINJA 1 because it begins a series, so I started with that.
The movie opens promisingly with the badass in question, Mr. Sho Kosugi, in full ninja uniform, standing in front of a black void, demonstrating every weapon he knows. Nunchakas, throwing stars, arrows, daggers, grappling hook, blow gun. You name it, he spins it around or shoots it. The guy is obviously good and it’s kind of cool how he is basically doing show and tell for you throughout the opening credits. It might as well be some Ninja How-To video. But then all the sudden a ninja in all white flies onto the screen and “kicks” him in the head (although it doesn’t look like he makes contact at all).
Then we go into the opening scene, where this White Ninja fights Sho Kosugi. I call him White Ninja because not only is he wearing all white, but you can tell by his eyes that he’s a white man. White Ninja faces Sho Kosugi and his men (red ninjas), who chase him through the woods, over a waterfall, into a temple where he bows to an old man and then chops off his head.
Up to this point there is no dialogue, no explanation. But I think it’s pretty clear what’s going on here. White Ninja is mad because everybody makes fun of him for being White Ninja. Nothing against us white men, but we are not the best ninjas, in my opinion. It’s just not one of the things we’re good at. So to shame him for his whiteness the other ninjas call him White Ninja and force him to wear an all white ninja outfit. This is clearly a mocking gesture because why the hell would you wear a white ninja outfit unless you were going to assassinate somebody in the snow, or in DMX’s all white apartment from BELLY? Otherwise you stick out like a sore thumb, as demonstrated when he runs through the trees. There’s a reason why polar bears live in the snow and brown bears live in the woods, but ninja logic doesn’t follow nature, I guess. It is anti-nature. My guess is they tricked him and told him that wearing all white means you’re the most powerful ninja. And he fell for it. (more…)
I’m very confused by this movie. I thought it was directed by Umberto Lenzi (CANNIBAL FEROX), but IMDB says some guy named Doo-yong Lee. I don’t know what the deal with that is, and the movie itself is even more confusing.
I gotta admit though it was worth it for the opening 15-20 seconds. The picture starts out one day at the grave of Bruce Lee. (Actually it is clearly not the real grave of Bruce Lee here in Seattle, but hey man, movie magic.) Anyway all the sudden there is stock footage of lightning in the night sky. Then some guy who you gotta assume is Bruce Lee hops out of the dirt, and the title goes on the screen and the badass ’70s music starts playing. Then they even show the ridiculous painted cover to the video, which shows Bruce Lee coming out of his grave and a weird demon flying above him.
Next we see our man, who only looks slightly more like Bruce Lee than Jason Scott Lee did, on a plane. It freezes on him taking off his sunglasses as it says BRUCE K.L. LEA on the screen.
At this point I was ready to love this movie. I figured Bruce came out of his grave in Seattle, now he’s flying to LA or Hong Kong or somewhere and we’re gonna find out that some foolish motherfucker was responsible for Bruce’s death by misadventure and that motherfucker is gonna get entered by the dragon. Or whatever.
But no. Not this movie. Instead, the guy goes to a combination of LA and Hong Kong which is LA but inhabited by Asians. There he looks up an old friend that he trained with. Then he finds out some guy died and he tries to get to the bottom of it. And he meets a gal. And there are a couple fights. (more…)
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