Just when I was thinking Seagal didn’t have any movies in the can this article on Heat Vision informs us that Anchor Bay has purchased the rights to MAXIMUM CONVICTION, a movie where Seagal is one of two security contractors hired to decommission an old prison that comes under attack by mercenaries. So, HALF PAST DEAD in an empty prison? The good news is that for the first time this will team Seagal with WWE Superstar™ Stone Cold Steve Austin. Which is a huge upgrade from Ja Rule. (read the rest of this shit…)
Seagal + Stone Cold Steve Austin = MAXIMUM CONVICTION
In Bruges
IN BRUGES is an intimate crime story about two hitmen – I know, but hear me out – forced to stay in the titular Belgian town while things cool down after a job gone wrong. Ken (Brendan Gleeson) is the veteran who’s happy to take advantage of the down time to relax and look at tourist spots, Ray (Colin Farrell) is his young partner who has no interest and pouts like a kid dragged along on the wrong vacation. He’s also the one that fucked up the job and is racked with guilt and depression.
(read the rest of this shit…)
Fright Night (2011 remake)
I remember the original FRIGHT NIGHT being an okay movie, but I haven’t seen it since the ’80s, so I don’t remember it well enough to compare the remake to it. But on its own I did find the remake to be an entertaining-if-not-entirely-original take on the ol’ vampire shit.
Anton Yelchin plays the hero Charley, Imogen Poots (CENTURION) plays his way-out-of-his-league girlfriend Amy, Christopher Mintz-Plasse plays his friend “Evil Ed,” who gets bit by his neighbor Jerry. Because Jerry is a vampire – don’t worry, it’s not some weirdo biter guy.
(read the rest of this shit…)
The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977)
The ’70s version of the classic Herschell Gordon Wells tale does not hold a candle to the ’32 version I reviewed at Halloween time. The lifeless color scheme pales compared to the evocative black and white, the screenplay feels much slower and less eventful, the makeup may be more sophisticated but it’s less creepily believable, and somehow they made it in the ’70s without making it nearly as perverse. If the girl he’s fucking is part panther like in the old one I don’t think it’s ever mentioned.
It’s from AIP so it’s what you might expect from those guys, kinda trashy but kinda dull.
(read the rest of this shit…)
Elite Squad 2
aka ELITE SQUAD: THE ENEMY WITHIN (title on American poster)
ELITE TROOP 2: NOW THE ENEMY IS ANOTHER ONE (bootleg-sounding literal translation)
ELITE SQUAD (title on marquee at the Uptown in Seattle)
ELITE SQUAD 2 (as the subtitle on the title screen says) is the 2010 follow-up to the 2007 Brazilian police epic. Same director (Jose Padilha), still writing along with Braulio Mantovani (CITY OF GOD). Wagner Moura returns as Nascimento, head of B.O.P.E., the paramilitary police unit that fights the drug gangs in the favelas of Rio. This is supposed to be quite a few years later, because the baby that was born in part 1 is now a sullen teenager. Luckily they don’t make Moura wear old man makeup or anything, they just ask you to go with it.
(read the rest of this shit…)
shit you should read: Mark L. Lester analysis
John Cribbs over at thepinksmoke.com did a new interview with b-movie great Mark L. Lester. Lester doesn’t seem to get alot of credit or attention, but I figure if one guy directed COMMANDO, CLASS OF 1984, CLASS OF 1999 and SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO then it can’t be a fluke. John uses the occasion to go through most of the Lesterography. He offers some interesting analysis of reoccurring themes and has me interested in checking out alot of the ones I haven’t seen, even some recent DTV suspense thrillers.
I love this kind of shit. Check it out when you have a few minutes. Here’s the link: MARK L. LESTER: THE MOVIES
Seed of Fast Potpourri: The Face of Death: A New Beginning: The Dream Child
This space reserved for writing comments about various stuff, things, crap, rigmarole, whatever, what have you, what not, etc., and the like, et al, vice versa, potato patoto.
One important note though. Out of respect for those who have fought and died for our right to, like, whatever, let’s keep it strictly off topic here, fellas.
At this time I ask you to please remove your hats. Thank you. No texting.
All Ages Cinematic Tryptych #3 of 3: Hugo 3D
HUGO is the new “picture” from Martin Scorsese (GOODFELLAS). Like HAPPY FEET TWO it’s in 3D and like THE MUPPETS it’s a nostalgic revival of bygone popular entertainment and involves visiting a long-since-given-up former legend and getting him to reluctantly think about the old days. But in this case it’s the work of early cinema pioneer George Melies. So the history lesson seems more appropriate here. I wasn’t convinced that we needed to be reminded what the Muppets are, but when it’s silent film, yeah, maybe explain some of that shit, Scorsy. (I don’t feel comfortable calling him ‘Marty,’ so I use ‘Scorsy.’)
(read the rest of this shit…)
Family Friendly Trilogy Episode Two: Happy Feet Two
The most philosophically ambitious of the 3 PG-rated movies I watched is the one that’ll probly get the least credit for it, George Motherfuckin Two Men Enter One Man Leaves Miller’s HAPPY FEET TWO. And first of all I want to give them credit for spelling out the number in their sequel title and not misspelling it for a pun. I’m sure it’s not the first spelled out non-homonym sequel title in history, but I couldn’t name you another one.
(read the rest of this shit…)
Wholesome PG-rated triple feature part 1: The Muppets
After watching the whole HOSTEL trilogy I felt like I had to watch something a little happier, and preferably with less torture, although that’s not necessarily a dealbreaker. Well, it just so happens that three great filmmakers of the ’70s – Martin Scorsese, George Miller and Kermit the Frog – have released new PG-rated family movies in recent weeks. So somehow I ended up watching them. And you know I am hesitant to spend too much time on puppets and cartoon animals and crap like that, but honestly these movies all have a little something to say, a little more going on beneath the surface than alot of the ones they make that are supposedly for grown adults. Maybe puppet movies and cartoons are just such a pain in the ass to make that people figure if they’re gonna do one they should try to make it worthwhile. Although that wouldn’t explain the Chipmunk movies. (read the rest of this shit…)
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