Archive for the ‘Horror’ Category
Friday, September 28th, 2007
Well, I guess now it’s officially a pattern. The pattern goes like this:
- small independent horror movie plays a few small film festivals.
- People on the internet go ape shit because they got to see it first.
- Buzz spreads for a year or so.
- Anchor Bay (#1 releaser of horror movies in the VHS days) buys rights, gives tiny theatrical release.
- I see it on DVD.
- god damn it, why don’t they make good ones anymore
This pattern started with BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON and fortunately this one is not as asinine as that one. It’s not terrible, but it doesn’t cut the mustard. Believe me, I wish it did. I see mustard everywhere and I want nothing more than for that mustard to be cut by a movie like this. But just being above the standards of the DTV giant snake movies is not a horror resurgence. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Adam Green, Joel David Moore, Kane Hodder, slashers
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Horror, Reviews | 20 Comments »
Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.
Since this showed up at my house, I’ve screened it three times. I hate that they are not putting out GRINDHOUSE together, but I really like the international cut of DEATH PROOF, and I know that sooner or later, I’ll be able to own the same thing I saw in theaters this spring. It’s just not right now, and I guess that’s just the way it fucking goes.
Vern’s got a typically strong write-up of the disc for you today, and it was nearly as much fun to read this as it was to watch the disc:
For me GRINDHOUSE was one of the great theatrical experiences of 2007. A rare modern instance of filmatists trying to put on a real show, and giving you more than your money’s worth. Two movies for the price of one, plus fake trailers – an affordable night or afternoon out. Yeah, I read about how it failed to make money for the Weinsteins, but guess what? That’s what happens when you spend decades buying other people’s movies so you can cut them, dub them, retitle them, sit them on a shelf for years, and then only allow them to be rented at Blockbuster. When you spend that long doing that many cruel and unusual things eventually your bi-yearly good deed will fail for you too. Because you are an asshole. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: car chases, Kurt Russell, stuntsploitation, Tarantino, Zoe Bell
Posted in AICN, Crime, Horror, Reviews, Thriller | 75 Comments »
Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
please deliver to:
Michael Meyers
Spooky old Meyers house
Haddonfield, IL 61764
Dear Michael Meyers,
Vern here. Big fan. Going way back. I watch HALLOWEEN once or twice a year. Part 2 once every couple years. Part 3 every once in a while, even though it’s lame that they wouldn’t pay you enough to come back for that one. 4 and 5 I watch once every 3 or 4 blue moons. Part 6 I watched once in a theater and once on producer’s cut video and that’s quite enough of that shit, thank you very much. Part 7 I actually like, mainly because of Laurie getting away, deciding she can’t run for her whole life, going back, chasing you down and lopping your god damn head off. No offense. And then part 8 I saw on DVD and if I could I would become a child, dress up as a clown and sneak into that movie’s bedroom with a knife. Not that I would get off on that or anything, it would just be the right thing to do. You would hate that one too because they burn down your house. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: remakes, Robert Zombie
Posted in Horror, Reviews | 17 Comments »
Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
SPOILER ALERT !!
INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. First there was the book. Then the movie by Don Siegel. Then the ’70s version by Philip Kaufman. Then the ’90s one that everybody hated if they heard of it but personally I thought it was okay by Abel Ferrara. Now we got yet another version, this one directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel, a German guy known here for DAS EXPERIMENT and DOWNFALL. But then after he was done they, uh, snatched it from him, and producer Joel Silver had the Wachowskis write some new scenes which were apparently shot by the V FOR VENDETTA dude.
So you kind of know right away that this is not gonna be a masterpiece. Either Hirschbeigel’s movie sucked – in which case they’re not gonna be able to fix it just by adding some Wachowski here and there – or maybe the movie was good and Joel Silver just didn’t get it, in which case, fuck. I guess the best thing you can wish for is an ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU where it’s completely crazy anyway and the turmoil probaly added to the magic. (But even in that case the director was replaced after a few days, not after the movie was already done.) (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: aliens, Daniel Craig, Nicole Kidman, remakes, Wachowskis
Posted in AICN, Horror, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit, Thriller | 5 Comments »
Friday, July 27th, 2007
I’ve seen this movie many times over many years, and I’m sure you have too. I don’t think I need to try to convince anybody to like ALIENS. Asking somebody if they like ALIENS is like asking them if they like pizza or ice cream. You can assume the answer is “yes” and if not it’s just some weird quirk that person has, you can’t really make much of it.
But having noticed signs that the BIG FUCKIN SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER POPCORN MOVIE may be ailing here in 2007 I decided to get nostalgic and watch T2 (theatrical cut, back to ’91) and I had such a good time with that I thought, jesus, where do I go from here? Is there anything that big and yet at the same time that good? I wasn’t sure but I did know of one other James Cameron part 2 that I like even better and that of course is ALIENS. So I watched the theatrical cut of that too. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: James Cameron
Posted in Action, Horror, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit, Thriller | 88 Comments »
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
After watching the TERMINATOR movies for the first time in years I was so excited about James Cameron I decided I should go back and re-watch the Cameron movies I didn’t like, see if maybe my perspective has changed. Maybe there was some magic there I just wasn’t picking up on.
So of course I had to go back to the beginning, the smash debut, the one that started it all for director James Cameron. Orson Welles started out with CITIZEN KANE, James Cameron started out with PIRANHA PART TWO THE SPAWNING. What can you say, man, it was a different era. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: James Cameron, Lance Henriksen
Posted in Drama, Horror, Reviews, Romance, Science Fiction and Space Shit | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
I never did write a real review of the popular Danny Boyle picture 28 DAYS LATER, just a little blurb in a summer recap column. To make a short story stay short, I liked it but did not understand the hooplah. It seemed to me most of it had already been done in Romero’s movies, and I liked it better when it was a real movie instead of a home video. So I was kind of annoyed by all the hype at the time that Boyle had “reinvented the zombie movie.” Even the controversial running zombies were straight out of RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. Somebody give Dan O’Bannon some credit. When he did that in 1985 it was a clever new take on zombies.
But I gotta tread carefully here because there are people out there who will flip out if you use the word “zombie” to describe the zombie-like people doing zombie things in this movie that is clearly based on the zombie films of George Romero. Zombies, it turns out, are people who die and then come back to life as zombies. They are not people who are infected and become zombies, unless they are infected to the point of death and then become zombies. In the case of these movies they just get infected, they do not necessarily die as far as we know, so they are something else. Nobody knows what it’s called, but it’s not a zombie. It’s just some thing that is exactly like a zombie and has every quality associated with zombies, but you can’t call it a zombie, that’s like using the N word almost. So I apologize to all the things who are not zombies but are exactly like zombies in all respects but they have not died and therefore are not zombies that I offended in my previous blurb. I will be more sensitive this time. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Harold Perrineau, Imogen Poots, Jeremy Renner, Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, Robert Carlyle, Rose Byrne
Posted in Action, Horror, Reviews | 1 Comment »
Sunday, June 24th, 2007
Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.
Vern and an obscure horror film I’ve never heard of? Sounds like a great read for a Sunday afternoon to me.
Ever since I reviewed the TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE ULTIMATE EDITION I’ve been getting screeners in the mail from MPI Home Video. It’s awfully nice of them but I can’t really review all of them, because they’re mostly stuff like THE DORIS DAY SHOW SEASON 4 or a ten hour documentary about the ’70s or COMIC LEGENDS: PHYLLIS DILLER. But they do send me stuff from their Dark Sky label, the same guys who did the CHAIN SAW dvd. And these guys put out good stuff, lots of weird European horror and action movies, mostly things I never heard of. You know, one of these boutique labels that’s like a DJ, always digging to find some weird gem you didn’t know about. I know alot of people have sunk themselves financially by finding and restoring these old obscurities so I have alot of gratitude to the people who do it. Takin one for the team (the team being a metaphor for the human race in this case).
One thing Dark Sky does is a “Drive-In Double Feature” series (SEARCH AND DESTROY and THE GLOVE comes out this Tuesday) that’s the same concept as GRINDHOUSE but for real: two movies with vintage drive-in intros and trailers in between. Good stuff. Another release this week is THE LAST HUNTER which is a 1980 Vietnam War movie made by Italian exploitation director Antonio Margheriti. It’s kind of trying to be like THE DEER HUNTER but it has more explosions, intestines and funky music. And it’s dubbed. So it’s pretty different. (read the rest of this shit…)
Posted in AICN, Horror, Mystery, Reviews | No Comments »
Saturday, June 23rd, 2007
Like I mentioned in my review of WHO CAN KILL A CHILD? that should be running on The Ain’t It Cool News soon, I’m on the mailing list for this Dark Sky DVD label. So I get all these nicely packaged Italian horror obscurities and what not, and to be honest I haven’t watched most of them yet. I loan them to my horror watcher friends and hope they’ll tell me I got a must-see there. But that doesn’t usually happen.
For the batch that comes out this week though I found time to watch them and I was impressed. The one I had the highest hopes for was WHO CAN KILL A CHILD? which is a creepy sun-drenched Spanish horror movie in the vein of VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED. But I already heard that one was good before, so a more impressive find is THE GLOVE, the b-picture in their latest “DRIVE-IN DOUBLE FEATURE” along with SEARCH AND DESTROY. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Joanna Cassidy, John Saxon, Rosey Grier
Posted in Action, Comedy/Laffs, Crime, Drama, Horror, Reviews | 3 Comments »
Monday, June 18th, 2007
SAW
Usually I’m on top of the popular horror movies, especially if and when they get to the part 3 mark. But until now I never bothered with SAW. I know there was a pretty good buzz on that first one, but I just wasn’t buyin it. I had seen that fuckin puppet on the TV ads and I wasn’t so sure about a killer with an evil puppet. Evil puppets in horror should always be alive, like Chucky. A killer who plays with a normal, inanimate puppet – that’s just silly.
Plus, I read some essay years ago that referred to TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2 as ‘SAW 2, and since it takes a while to type out TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2, and since that movie tends to come up alot for a guy like me, I started to use that nickname. Me and that movie are tight, we call each other by nicknames. It calls me V and I call it ‘SAW 2. Until now, because now there’s a SAW and a SAW 2. These movies interfered with my relationship with TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2. So I sort of resent them for that. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Carey Elwes, Donnie Wahlberg, James Wan, Saw, Shawnee Smith, Tobin Bell
Posted in Horror, Mystery, Reviews, Thriller | 23 Comments »
