RETURN OF THE BASTARD SWORDSMAN (1984) is indeed about the Bastard Swordsman returning. It’s not like BATMAN RETURNS where the title character hasn’t actually gone anywhere and is only returning to the screen – at the very end of BASTARD SWORDSMAN our guy Yun Fei Yang (Norman Chui, LEGEND OF THE LIQUID SWORD) had overcome his fate as a bullied servant of Wudang by mastering Silkworm Skill and defeating the prick who framed him for the murder of the chief and took over the clan. So he becomes their de facto leader but instead of letting them give him a parade or something he immediately walks away with his crush Lun Wan Er (Leanne Liu, WHITE HAIR DEVIL LADY).

Honestly the returning is kind of a bummer, I liked the idea of him traveling around having adventures. Instead this continues the story of Wudang and their feud with Invincible Clan. If you remember, the maniacal Invincible Clan leader Dugu Wu Di (Alex Man, CHINA WHITE) had left for two years of seclusion to further advance his use of the clan’s secret technique Fatal Skill after defeating Wudang in three consecutive duels over 20 years. In this one he comes home and it’s like he woke up out of a coma, he has to hear all this shit that went on in the last act of part 1 with Yun Fei Yang coming out of a cocoon and shit. So Dugu goes to Wudang to demand a duel with our bastard and they don’t want to admit that their chief ghosted them so they act like he just went out for smokes or something, which gets them a week’s reprieve to try to find him. But oh by the way if anyone leaves Wudang during that time they will be killed on sight. That Dugu always has some hardcore stipulations to his offers.

I thought they should try smoke signals or pigeons or something, but they risk sending a student named Yao Feng (Lau Siu-Kwan, CORPSE MANIA) to search for him. He has no hope of finding our Bastard until he first gets humiliated by, then rescued by, an “extremely efficacious” fortune teller named Li Bu Yi (Tony Liu, redeeming himself after playing the villain last time) who’s also a hell of a fighter. He knows where Yun Fei Yang and Lun Wan Er, now married, live peacefully in a nice cottage next to a river, fishing and making soup.

The villains of this one are Ega Clan, a Japanese ninja sect who want to prove that their Phantom Skill defeats Fatal Skill, Silkworm Skill and all other Chinese styles. They are led by Mochitsuki (Chen Kuan-Tai, DUEL OF THE IRON FIST, BLOODY FISTS, MAN OF IRON, IRON MONKEY II, THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS), a real fucker who tries to play the two clans against each other. They massacre Wudang and the visiting heads of the 5 Sects, making it look like an Invincible Clan attack, then try to do the same thing with Invincible, but luckily Dugu Wu Di sees the guy they have dressed up as Yun Fei Yang and calls bullshit.

By then the actual Yun Fei Yang has heard about the massacre and is gunning for Dugu, who tosses him the head of the imposter and explains what really happened. This is a good opportunity for a truce between sworn enemies, but remember Dugu is a real sonofabitch, so instead he insists on having a duel to prove Fatal Skill is better than Silkworm Skill. A one track mind, this guy. But it means we get a cool fight in a cave with lots of flying and animated silk threads and what not.

Yun Fei Yang does more of the cool cocoon and web stuff, Lun Wan Er is still very agile, there are a few more of the cool reflective effects, plus the animated beams and stuff. But there are new things too. Dugu exhibits a new power (tenth level I assume) where his hands turn to glittery red and blue and emit colored smoke.

The early scenes in town add a new setting at least, but it feels kinda separate since the titular bastard doesn’t appear until 29 minutes in. It’s nice that the Ega Clan are ninjas, so you get some throwing stars and more sword based fighting. I don’t think it was necessarily intentional but I like that there are some fights shot on location next to water, because visually it reminds me more of Japanese samurai movies like LONE WOLF AND CUB than of the often soundstage-bound Shaw Brothers productions.

One new aspect is the teamwork between Yun Fei Yang and Li Bu Yi, who psyches people out during fights by reading their lifelines and making predictions. He really does a number on Dugu by diagnosing a bunch of shit (including impotence), which causes doubts that only get worse the more Dugu’s yes men kiss up to him and tell him he’s invincible.

The freshest element is the powers of Mochitsuki. His Phantom Skill seems to… shoot colored gases out of his heart? Also sometimes his heart blinks red. I was thinking it was E.T. powers for a minute.

The first time he demonstrates it he causes a prisoner to cough up his own heart! Same year as INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, by the way. Also they say “It controls the opponent’s heartbeat” using soundwaves. But later he does something called “Killer Heartbeat” where his own chest starts pulsating like a bullfrog. It’s grotesque and amazing… he uses his heartbeat to batter Wugu so bad he projectile pukes blood across the room!

I’m gonna SPOILER how they defeat it because it’s so cool – Li Bu Yi starts playing drums to control the rhythm of the heart. The power of beats. I believe it. This is after Mochitsuki insisted “You can’t defeat my blade empty-handed” so our bastard just picked up a padded drum stick as his weapon.

Director/writer/choreographer Lu Chu-Kun also returns. RETURN OF THE BASTARD SWORDSMAN may not be essential Shaw Brothers, but it’s a fun one and every once in a while it overachieves in beautiful shots like this

And also at the end when they kill the guy and they just quickly glance at his corpse, then at each other, and say nothing, just badass slo-mo strut into the camera as the credits come up. I love movies.