"I'll just get my gear."

gone fishin’

Just a heads up to tn_ironmanmy outlaw friends, I’m gonna be off the grid for several days, taking a break from internet for a spiritual journey, training montage, vacation, etc. So please bear with me,  it will be a bit before I watch and review the return of Shane Black and Iron Man, but I look forward to it when I get back.

I do have two reviews set to post for Monday and Tuesday, and should also have a new column on Daily Grindhouse one of those days. I could play it cool and pretend everything is normal, in case I need an alibi. “No, I couldn’t have been fighting in the Kumite, see, I posted reviews on those days.” But what if some horrible thing happens in the news and it looks like I’m insensitive for just posting reviews like everything is normal? That’s why I want you to know it’s pre-programmed. If a megasnake attacks or something don’t be offended by my just posting a review. But don’t you think if I let a megasnake stop me from posting two reviews of cult movies then the megasnake has won? fuck a megasnake.

thanks guys, have a good week and we’ll talk soon

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 4th, 2013 at 2:43 am and is filed under Blog Post (short for weblog). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

31 Responses to “gone fishin’”

  1. Knox Harrington

    May 4th, 2013 at 3:18 am

    Enjoy your break, Vern.

    Geez, why’d you have to mention megasnake attacks. I’m not gonna sleep tonight.

  2. Darn, I thought this was gonna be a review of that 1997 Pesci/Glover non-Shane Black Joint. Yeah, I know someone else would have said the same thing soon enough, but I did

  3. Good luck with that spiritual hourney,Vern. I hope it involves cockpunching every grizzlybear in North America.

  4. Something tells me he is going to visit an old friend in a desert town and then has to take on the local crimelord. (I hope not to avenge his buddy’s death.)

  5. I bet Vern is going to a Tennessee town but his transportation breaks down there and he’s stuck while super explodey soldiers come and try to kill him.

    Enjoy your sabbatical, Vern.

  6. It’s a Midnight Run for crying out loud!

  7. Have fun Vern! When your sensei starts dropping coconuts on you from the top of the tree, remember to clinch your buttcheeks, it’ll help tighten the abs.

  8. nabroleon Dynamite

    May 4th, 2013 at 10:16 am

    “We eat fish, tossed salads and make rap ballads. The biochemical slang Lord’ll throw the arrows.” ~ Ghostface Killah.

    Get’cha fishing on Vern!

  9. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if when Vern comes back, the movie he first reviews is THE GREAT GATSBY?

  10. Many fish bite if you got good bait, here’s a little tip I would like to relate

  11. It wasn’t a mega snake… It was an ordinary sized spider.

  12. I was just in the Kumite and I didn’t see you there.

  13. Was really hoping this was a review of the Joe Pesci/Danny Glover classic. A man can dream…

  14. Vern will be returning with a request to be addressed as “Out-Lion Vern” and a new, mellower reviewing style liberally infused with a rasta patois. Berries and their nutritive properties will also be mentioned frequently.

  15. Knox Harrington

    May 5th, 2013 at 7:06 am

    This “Out-Lion Vern” phase is obviously just a desperate attempt at staying relevant. Typical Vern. Always chasing after that easy money. What a has-been.

  16. The original Paul

    May 5th, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    “Fuck a megasnake.”

    …No?!

  17. Out-lion Vern gets my ” best thing I’ve seen recently” medal.

  18. Hey guys, when vern gets back, can we all call him out-lion Vern?

  19. Knox Harrington

    May 6th, 2013 at 3:42 am

    What, you never fucked a megasnake before, Paul?

    Shit, man, get with the times. It’s 2013 already.

  20. (Obvious joke about “Megasnake” being my penis’ nickname.)

  21. Vern is going back to his hometown, which, he will discover, has been taken over by a ruthless Chinese gang deeply involved in drugs and racketeering. An old friend of his is thoughtlessly murdered in a convienence store. It will be up to Vern to avenge his death and battle his way to the top of the chain, alongside a Chinese “good guy” highly skilled in martial arts he’s partnered with.

  22. Knox Harrington

    May 6th, 2013 at 9:22 am

    I call mine John Rambo.

    But I already did that long before it was the popular thing to do.

  23. *sigh* I miss Vern.

  24. The new Daily Grindhouse column is up, and it’s a doozy: http://dailygrindhouse.com/thewire/outlaw-vern-presents-tape-trek-formerly-americas-got-punching/

    I guess we weren’t alerted because Vern is busy infiltrating the Yakuza at the moment.

  25. Vern really does go on a wacky trek with those tapes, with a titularical VHS switcheroo that would surely frustrate any other seeker of unknown artifacts of BADASS CINEMA.

    Tells the cabbie to take him to JFK, ends up at La Guardia, and still the man makes the best of it. What a professional.

    I think that mention of “John Holmes level dialogue and acting” is gonna scare me away from immediately following Vern’s footsteps on this particular leg of Punch-Quest Journey to Battle Island Tape Trek, though.

    NIGHT OF THE WARRIOR (1991) is a real gem mined from the murky waters of DailyGrindhousedotcom, though; y’all should check it out.

  26. He emailed me during that debacle to see if I had the movie he was actually looking for. I’m ashamed to say that I came up empty-handed. I had a chance to make a difference and I failed.

    Now I need to see FISTS OF STEEL, if just for the Henry Silva costume stuff. But how do you purposely track down something made to be discovered by accident? It’s like a mythical island that you can only find after you get well and truly lost.

  27. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve never before had the idea of enhancing my pugilist career prospects by undergoing steel implant surgery to embiggen, strengthen, and partly replace my pathetically cartilaginous fists.

    Seems like a clever way to cheat & bypass the fight regulators, since they starting weighing gloves for possible mercury injections.

  28. NIGHT OF THE WARRIOR is available to watch on Youtube (with russian subtitles):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqBum5bQRX8

  29. What’s with the picture of Ghostface Killah?

  30. I don’t know, I think maybe I was connecting “gone fishin'” with the album Fishscale, but I went through such a purification and rebirth in my time off that I can only speculate at this point.

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