"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Do you guys know about ‘Dracula 2013: Breed of Darkness’?

I just found out about this and I thought you guys had the right to know. According to this cheesy official websight, the makeup effects artist/FRIDAY THE 13TH VII: THE NEW BLOOD director John Carl Buechler will be helming a martial arts movie about mercenaries recovering Dracula’s casket from a sunken Nazi submarine. I mean, I generally assume a movie about that is gonna be shitty, but if they really have this cast I’m intrigued. The sight lists:

Robin Shou (Liu Kang from MORTAL KOMBAT)
Michael Madsen
Matthias Hues (NO RETREAT NO SURRENDER 2, KICKBOXER 2, MISSION OF JUSTICE)
Cynthia RothrockJeff Speakman
Bolo Yeung!!!
Johnny Messner (SPARTAN, WRONG TURN AT TAHOE)
Conan Stevens (TRUE LEGEND)

The bio for screenwriter/co-star Nelson Ricardo is the sight’s highlight. None of his alleged credits (including “Day of Atonement with academy award winner Christopher Walken”) are backed up by IMDb, but more importantly it mentions that he “holds six black belts in 7 martial arts disciplines under 8 International Federations, inducted into the World Martial Arts Hall of fame and the Black Belt Hall of fame, he is a licensed Bodyguard, Private Investigator and Hostage Negotiator.” So he knows alot about Dracula.

I guess I shouldn’t hold my breath that this will get made. #1 warning sign: the producers are apparently comfortable using this, uh, promotional image:

#2 sign might be this article about the movie from the San Jose Mercury News. It talks about producer Andrew Fanelli, a San Jose Tae Kwan Do instructor making his first movie. He claims Ray Liotta and Billy Bob Thornton are in it, and that he thinks it will “definitely be scary” and also be PG-13.

But if it does get made it sounds like it has the right combination of past glory and all-out crazy to be worth keeping an eye on. And if it turns out that any one of those actors mentioned above is playing Dracula it’ll move higher up my most anticipated list.

I found about this from budomate, also covered by Kiai Kick.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 25th, 2012 at 11:54 pm and is filed under Blog Post (short for weblog). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

37 Responses to “Do you guys know about ‘Dracula 2013: Breed of Darkness’?”

  1. Uhm…oooooookaaaaayyyyyy…

    If this really gets made, I hope they get Billy Zane as Dracula.

  2. I call “shenanigans” on this here venture. The whole thing smells hinky.

    I’m guessing the premise was inspired (sort of) by The Last Voyage Of Demeter, which has a much better shot at being a truly good vampirecentric movie.

  3. those are Resident Evil character models with the actors heads pasted on HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    if you want Nazis and Dracula done right, I suggest you check out Hellsing

  4. Reminds me a little of the Hammer/Shaw Brothers collaboration The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, which was a Dracula Kung Fu movie. Christopher Lee wasn’t in it, but Peter Cushing was as Van Helsing.

  5. Also starring Shaw Brothers legend David Chiang.That movie is damn fun.

  6. Hm… Cynthia Rothrok as Dracula… I’d watch that.

  7. Ho-ly-shit that’s gotta be the most insanely-bad-it-has-to-be-awesome poster I have ever seen. I mean just pasting heads on videogame bodies – poorly, I might add. No, wait that’s not the right word: god’s-wrath-invokingly-shitty-while-not-giving-any-fucks-whatsoever might be a better way of putting it. The balls on this guy, I tell you. And to top it off, filling the site with a bunch of random google image search photos: this, ladies and gents, is a work of genius if I ever saw one.

  8. I call hoax. : )

  9. The Original... Paul

    November 26th, 2012 at 8:08 am

    I’m with Pacman on this. That’s the worst fake poster I’ve seen in a long time. Those heads are clearly photoshopped from all kinds of different places. I don’t know if Griff’s right, but that poster SURELY cannot be real.

    But on the off-chance the actual film is real and Bolo Yeung is actually in it, he’d better not get another “lead henchman” role. I want to see this guy play the same type of accidental-good-guy-with-no-moral-compass-badass role that Adam Baldwin nailed in “Serenity”. The kind of team player that everyone’s wary of because they all secretly believe he could turn on them at any moment, even if they would never say so to his face for fear of having their heads punched clean off. That kind of character. I think Yeung would be absolutely perfect for this kind of role.

  10. In theory, I like the idea that someone could put together a web site with an awesome idea for a movie on it, then use the pure awesomeness of the idea to attract support to get the movie made. Like if Mouth wanted to raise money to re-make BARBARELLA starring Vanessa Hudgens.

    I’m less optimistic about how this sort of thing plays out in practice. I suspect it’s more likely to attract guys who want to make a quick buck than it is to attract real filmatists.

  11. I started to wonder if this is in fact part of an I’M STILL HERE-ish media prank. Maybe the people behind this try to make a point about our ironic so-bad-it’s-good fabricated-cult-movie society and are in fact preparing a documentary about how something as awful as this could become the biggest internet phenomenon in years, although they never planned to shoot one single frame of it. (Well, maybe a fake trailer which will be advertised as “viral video”)

  12. Bolo works at his best when he has little to no lines. SHOOTFIGHTER as great as that flick is, did not do Bolo Yeung any favours. As a good guy he does not work at all. He makes memorable villains with his strong physical presence though.

  13. What I meant was that Bolo exceeds at playing evil characters with his presence. He sucks at good guys and I am not sure if he pulls off the kind of ambivalent character that Paul thinks he is fit for.

  14. The Original... Paul

    November 26th, 2012 at 11:28 am

    He wouldn’t have to say very much; I just think he has the physicality and attitude to play a morally-ambivalent good guy as well as a straight-out bad guy.

  15. As much as I would like to agree with Paul, I donĀ“t think Bolo has that kind of range. But I would love to be proved wrong.

  16. Don’t see this happening. If you can’t even put together a poster (regardless of how many heads you’re photoshopping), how can you make a movie? I think the “cast” is just someone’s dream. Sort of like how, before they actually made a terrible live action version, my friends and I used to dream cast a Scooby Doo movie. Come to think of it, we also did the A Team (we wanted Arnold as Hannibal… No offense to Liam, but imagine how badass it would be to see the Schwartz chomping on a cigar saying, “I love it when a plan comes together.”)

  17. This has all the signs of one day being the central fake movie in ARGO PART II: THE NEW BATCH.

  18. I don’t think I’ve ever been sold on Bolo as an actor, although he’s always a welcome presence. It’s almost funny how few lines he gets in SHOOTFIGHTER. They’ll have whole conversations while Bolo just stands there and then at the end they’ll cut to him nodding sagely while a wind-chime plays or something.

    Wow Stu, I was just about to post a comment about LEGEND OF THE SEVEN GOLDEN VAMPIRES, but you beat me to it. This place is awesome.

  19. Very strange things happening here. Trying to IMDB this BREED OF DARKNESS gibberish, I discovered that Dario Argento screened something called DRACULA 3D at Cannes this year. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiQau4JpJcc Bad reviews, but word is that it has naked chicks in real 3D and Rutger Hauer as Van Helsing, so I’ll give it a shot someday.

    I’m not big on caring about future projects and production developments, since it’s always more fun to discuss actual extant movies rather than nerd expectations & budgets, but I do like where Jareth Cutestory’s head is at.

    Probably shouldn’t fuck with BARBARELLA, though. I got no complaints about young Jane Fonda. Not much room for improvement there.

    On the other hand, it would be nice to somehow film all the floating parts of BARBARELLA with modern technology and my modern babe of choice, preferably borrowing Ron Howard’s APOLLO 13 techniques rather than Zack Snyder’s greenscreen techniques, as that would mean me spending many hours in a confined space in weightless free fall with my beloved Vanessa. Hmmm. . .

    {*finds video camera; creates KickStarter account*}

  20. “naked chicks in real 3D”

    awesome, every movie should have 3D naked chicks

  21. I once had the idea to make the most offensive sex comedy in the history of movies. Part of the plan was to release it in Imax 3D only. In the opening credits you would first see the most disgusting male ass ever. Then he turns around and slaps a giant Imax 3D dick into the audience’s face.

  22. Everyone has dreams, CJ.

    My most brilliant idea is probably to remake and/or rip off most of Hitchcock’s oeuvre, but add martial arts. Then you solve the problem of kung fu movies lacking a decent plot & good characters who are fun for non-purely-athletic reasons.

    Think about it — yeah, NORTH BY NORTHWEST is pretty great, but what if Cary Grant & Martin Landau exchanged roundhouses & leg sweeps & flying elbows on top of Mount Rushmore? Think of all the creative weaponry potential involving tennis equipment in an updated STRANGERS ON A TRAIN. Boom. Perfection improved.

  23. And don’t be stealing my stolen Hitchcock kung fu hybrid idea, either, people. I already trademarked all this in my Inspiration Journal.

    Tony Jaa is THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH: THE 3D IMAX EXPERIENCE.

  24. Norman Bates kung fu fighting people instead of stabbing them, I fucking love this idea!

  25. Nah, no need for the Yuen Woo Ping touch in that one. PSYCHO is unfuckwithable.

    Quick, someone tell Gus van Sant this 15 years ago.

  26. But think about it. Instead of letting Marion Crane’s sister just search for her, she could be her student, out to avenge whatever happened to her master! Tiger style!

  27. I had a similar idea a few years ago, Mouth, but it was Hitch and parkour.

    Gave up when I couldn’t figure out how to plot VERTIGO

  28. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ….

    That “poster” … so … funny … lungs … hurt … ing.

    Surely the producer’s mate’s 14-year-old son who’s ‘into computers and art and stuff’ is behind that?

  29. Wow, I love the concept, and the cast. In a perfect world Nic Cage would already be finalizing the deal to pay Dracula.

  30. That poster mock up makes Matthias Hues look like a hipper version of Viggo; the scourge of carpathia and sorrow of moldavia. All he needs is an iPad.

  31. I am also a graphic designer and I want to tell you that sometimes it’s so hard to make a poster if you have no HQ pics and your client has some own vision of the poster. Then you have to follow his request even if you don’t like it. Sometime you have a deadline etc. More understanding. I am sure the final poster will be much better if this movie will happen in reality :-)

  32. To impress Jerry, or show him how easy his job is, I took what used to be a picture of my COMMANDO blu ray and me and I graphic designed it so now it’s a picture of Vern’s avatar intimidating John Matrix. Or maybe they’re teammates.

    Seamless.

    And also a movie I would like to see happen in reality.

  33. Word has it, filming is beginning on 1/7/2013 in New Orleans (the new hub of making movies) in the USA. Also, word that the Dracula Producers are in talks with two final actors, A-List Actors (that are Hollywood Legends).

  34. Word has it that Lionsgate will be apart of this movie. Wow! :-O

  35. Outlawvern is totally off base with your opion and assessment. You just wish you could be a part of this fantastic movie.

  36. I’m just skeptical that it will be made and if so in a more professional manner than that poster. But I hope you’re right, Real Deal, because that’s the kind of movie I love to see, which is why I posted about it.

Leave a Reply





XHTML: You can use: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>