"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Supercross

August 17, 2005

I have honestly been curious about SUPERCROSS, a.k.a. SUPERCROSS: THE MOVIE, for twenty years now. My curiosity has been satiated. I am now SUPERCROSS: THE VIEWER.

SUMMER 2005I think I saw a trailer or two for it but I’m sure most people never heard it of it. I’d bet it was heavily advertised on relevant sports broadcasts and not as much for the rest of us. I noticed on the credits that it was a production of “Clear Channel Entertainment Motor Sports,” which I guess is part of the same Clear Channel then infamous for monopolizing the radio market. Most of us learned about them after September 11th when they released a list of songs for their stations not to play (including anything by Rage Against the Machine). I guess radio ads must not have been enough, because it only made $3.3 million toward its $30 million budget. (read the rest of this shit…)

September 2nd, 2025 | 4 Comments »

The Skeleton Key

August 12, 2005

Even though there were only a handful of horror movies that came out in the summer of 2005 I did not bother to see THE SKELETON KEY. And I believe it was a conscious choice. I tended to dislike Kate Hudson in movies and I think I snobbishly assumed her participation meant it was some phony mainstream horror movie for the normies or whatever. Also I think I still (correctly) distrusted screenwriter Ehren Kruger because of SCREAM 3. Being surprised to like THE RING didn’t fully change my opinion of him.

SUMMER 2005Hudson (between Garry Marshall’s RAISING HELEN and the Russo Brothers’ YOU, ME AND DUPREE) plays Caroline Ellis, who quits her job at a New Orleans nursing home, disappointed with how dehumanizing it is, and takes a private hospice gig looking after a stroke victim in a plantation house in Terrebonne Parish. Friendly lawyer Luke (Peter Sarsgaard, K-19: THE WIDOWMAKER) convinces fussy Violet Devereaux (Gena Rowlands following THE NOTEBOOK) to hire her to look after her husband Ben (John Hurt not long after HELLBOY), who is bedridden, doesn’t talk and seems terrified all the time. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 29th, 2025 | 15 Comments »

Eenie Meanie

EENIE MEANIE is a crime movie that went straight to Hulu last week. It stars Samara Weaving (MONSTER TRUCKS, THE BABYSITTER, READY OR NOT, AZRAEL) and I like that lady so I watched it.

Weaving plays Edith Meaney. The title is a cute nickname a bad person gave her – she prefers Edie. Orphaned by her dad (Steve Zahn, WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES) going to prison, she somehow fell into being a teenage getaway driver for grown up criminals. Many years later she’s away from that world, going to school – even got a job at a bank! – until, you know, an inciting incident.

It’s triggered by her bank being robbed, but it really has nothing to do with that. She ends up in the hospital, where a blood test finds that she’s pregnant. Against her better judgment she decides to go find the father, her ex-boyfriend John (Karl Glusman, THE NEON DEMON, THE BIKERIDERS), and let him know. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 27th, 2025 | 10 Comments »

Four Brothers (20 years later revisit)

August 12, 2005

I reviewed John Singleton’s FOUR BROTHERS twenty years ago and hopefully I’ll have a few new things to say about it, but the sad truth is my verdict has not changed. This is a movie that starts off with a real good hook and then doesn’t do enough with it. It’s thoroughly okay.

SUMMER 2005The screenplay is by David Elliot (THE WATCHER) & Paul Lovett, the team who later did G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, and the hook is that an old lady named Evelyn Mercer (Fionnula Flanagan, THE EWOK ADVENTURE) is in a convenience store in Highland Park, Michigan when it gets robbed, and ends up shot to death. It turns out she was a beloved member of the community who helped hundreds of troubled kids find foster homes. But there were four kids so bad nobody would take them, and she adopted them herself. So her funeral brings all four brothers back home, they get to talking, and decide to go find out who did this.  (read the rest of this shit…)

August 26th, 2025 | 18 Comments »

Highest 2 Lowest

I’ve been watching Spike Lee movies since I was a teenager in the late ’80s. Okay, I still haven’t seen SHE HATE ME, but otherwise I see all of them, and any new one is obviously gonna be an event for me. They’re pretty infrequent these days, though – it’s been five years since his last movie (DA 5 BLOODS), seven since his last theatrical release (BLACKKKLANSMAN). So I’m thankful that even though it was made for Apple TV+ the new one is playing at my favorite theater, SIFF Downtown, f/k/a Cinerama.

HIGHEST 2 LOWEST is, yes, a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s HIGH AND LOW (1963), itself based on the Ed McBain 87th Precinct Mystery King’s Ransom (1959). So that means it tells the story of an executive dealing with a kidnapping/ransom situation while also trying to take over control of his company. Instead of the shoe industry this time it’s the music industry, and instead of the guy who runs the factories he’s a Grammy winning, cover of Rolling Stone, “best ear in the business” producer/label owner/icon. Denzel Washington (RICOCHET) plays David King, founder of Stackin’ Hits Records, obviously. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 25th, 2025 | 4 Comments »

Nobody 2

I think NOBODY (2021) is a minor action classic of the 2020s, and honestly kind of a miracle in how well it accomplished its task of turning the most unlikely actor – Bob Odenkirk, “Concert Nerd,” WAYNE’S WORLD 2 – into a credible action star. It’s a good enough story and gimmick that he might’ve gotten away with okay action scenes, but he trained like a motherfucker to do actual great ones. The only former SNL writer or DR. DOLITTLE 2 voice actor to do so to date. There’s nothing quite like it.

NOBODY 2 is merely a fun sequel to that. But that’s okay.

It’s notable as the Hollywood debut of one of my favorite working directors, Timo THE NIGHT COMES FOR US Tjahjanto, and though it’s a for-hire work that can’t compete with the impact of his bloody Indonesian epics, it shows his sensibilities for hectic combat and imaginative gore fused with a genuine care for his characters. Crafted to zip by in 89 minutes means it lacks his usual scope, and there’s also none of his John Woo-esque melodrama. In fact it leans even a little more comedy than the first NOBODY, and maybe that tonal difference is why none of the action scenes thrilled me as much as the bus scene in the first one. But they’re good scenes, and grounded in simple story and character ideas that really work for me. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 20th, 2025 | 12 Comments »

Stealth / The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

July 29, 2005

I reviewed STEALTH when it came out and, though I was alone on this, I really enjoyed it. I didn’t believe I was entirely receiving it in the spirit intended, but maybe it sorta knows what it’s doing? Doesn’t matter – death of the author. These days director Rob Cohen is disdained for allegations of sexual assault, but back then it was just for the quality of his movies. Since I only knew about the movie part I was okay with him, ‘cause I always liked DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY and THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS started a run of increasingly stupid movies that I got a kick out of (after this there was THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR, ALEX CROSS, THE BOY NEXT DOOR and ).SUMMER 2005

I was pretty excited to return to it, expecting my original verdict to hold true, but I hyped myself up too much. This time it had a few laughs but the aerial spectacle (involving lots of animation and green screen cockpit acting that might’ve been a little ahead of its time) gets pretty repetitive. I did like that Cohen has virtual shots going through the circuitry of the jet, repeating his trademark move from THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 19th, 2025 | 22 Comments »

Freaky Tales

I don’t know much about Oakland, but FREAKY TALES seems designed to be the Oakland-est movie of all time. So Oakland that Too $hort is the narrator and one of the producers and has a cameo as a cop and is a character in the movie played by rapper Demario “Symba” Driver. Also they have a cool retro synth type score but they got Raphael Saadiq to do it.

It’s presented as an anthology film, but it’s the type where each of the stories intersects a little bit and ultimately becomes one story in the last chapter – actually not that far off from the structure of WEAPONS, which I watched the day after I watched this. What it made me keep thinking of though is the made-for-cable movie COSMIC SLOP, even though this is pretty different and definitely way better. I guess just because it’s weird stories hosted by a music icon and named after one of his works.

Although there’s a sci-fi element in a stylishly fake looking “cosmic green stuff” that pops up occasionally (Short Dog figures it “was just one of those freaky things that made the Bay Area so damn fresh” at the time) I think it comes closest to being a crime movie. There’s a hitman, a corrupt cop, and everything revolves around a botched robbery of Golden State Warriors point guard Sleepy Floyd (Jay Ellis, TOP GUN: MAVERICK). I of course enjoy that type of story, but the standout chapters for me are the two about circa ’87 Bay Area music scenes, following some punk rockers and then a female rap duo, each group having a fateful incident after leaving the same showing of THE LOST BOYS. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 13th, 2025 | 12 Comments »

Weapons

Zach Cregger, the guy from the sketch comedy group The Whitest Kids U’Know who suddenly became a horror auteur with BARBARIAN (2022), is back with his ambitious followup. Cregger has mentioned being inspired by MAGNOLIA when trying to explain what he’s doing here, which might sound kind of ridiculous, but it makes it fitting that it’s New Line Cinema putting a whole lot of faith in a promising new director. Pretty big budget, final cut, advertising based on mystery and “from the director of BARBARIAN,” and they even gave it an IMAX release! But I think their confidence is warranted.

The only thing we really knew about from the somewhat cryptic trailers is a mysterious event explained in the opening by a child narrator (reminded me of SHOGUN ASSASSIN). One night at 2:17 AM in the small town of Maybrook, Pennsylvania, seventeen kids get up out of bed, run out their front door into the night and don’t come back. The weirdest part is that they’re all in the same class, taught by Justine Gandy (Julia Garner, WE ARE WHAT WE ARE). So when she comes to school the next day only one kid is there, Alex Lilly (Cary Christopher). Since nobody can figure out what the fuck happened some of the parents, especially Archer Graff (Josh Brolin, THRASHIN’), assume Justine had something to do with it. She’s getting harassing phone calls, threatening knocks on the door at night, her car vandalized, and she has no teaching to do. Things are not going great for her. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 11th, 2025 | 63 Comments »

Eddington

As some of you are aware I am an avowed triple-A (Ari Aster Appreciator). I loved his two hit horror movies (HEREDITARY and MIDSOMMAR) and then I loved his flop comedy (BEAU IS AFRAID) even more, so obviously I was gonna see his new one EDDINGTON no matter what. When it was announced it was described as a western, which is a stretch – nobody would put this in the westerns section at a video store. But yeah, it has feuds and jurisdictional disagreements between a small town sheriff, the mayor and the Native law enforcement just over the border, trouble in a bar, various groups trying to profit from a big construction project, things devolving into a big shootout. I get it.

Of Aster’s other movies it’s closest to BEAU, but it’s less surreal and, to me at least, not nearly as funny. In fact it might’ve made me laugh less than any of them. But there are certainly some good ones in there and I did laugh just thinking about some of its ideas while discussing it with friends.

What it definitely does achieve is a stressful portrait of what our lives have become in the last half decade. It’s set in May of 2020 and begins with a series of confrontations over mask ordinances. Eddington, New Mexico Sheriff Joe Cross (Joaquin Phoenix, U TURN) doesn’t want to wear a mask when officers from the Pueblo tribe insist he follow the law in their jurisdiction. Later he forces a grocery store to allow in a guy who refuses to mask (James Cady, “Train Conductor,” HOSTILES). Mayor Ted Garcia (Pedro Pascal, THE EQUALIZER 2) happens to be there and tries to calmly reason with Joe, who then goes outside and does a livestream announcing that he’s running against him in the next election. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 8th, 2025 | 36 Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »
  • Hey bud, thanks for reading.

    Don't feel obligated, but here are some

  • WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF VERN & OUTLAWVERN.COM

    if that's your thing:

  • 1. Patreon

    Toss me a couple bucks a month, support the good shit, also get access to a bunch of exclusive writing. This is my primary source of writing money that has allowed me to cut down to part time at the day job. Thank you!

  • 2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody

    click here for my Amazon author page

    (NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)

    EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.

  • 3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines



    (you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice)

  • I also have an Amazon UK one:

    (I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)

  • 4. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products

    (I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)

  • 5. Spread the word

    Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers and/or chumps around here.

    THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN

    * * * *

  • Recent commentary and jibber-jabber

    • VERN on Americana: “Pegsman – I mean I have to imagine the fascination is mainly because she’s blond and has big boobs and…” Nov 5, 12:56
    • CJ Holden on The Car / The Car: Road to Revenge: “Yooooo, Geoffrey, great to see you around!” Nov 5, 07:24
    • geoffreyjar on The Car / The Car: Road to Revenge: “Coming out of exile to tell you that Mr. M’s recommendation is legit. Based on it blind bought it off…” Nov 5, 04:38
    • pegsman on Americana: “It’s great to get som input on Sweeney from someone I trust. I’ve only seen her in a couple of…” Nov 5, 02:39
    • jojo on The Car / The Car: Road to Revenge: “When I saw “The Car” in recent commentary, I was like “I bet I know what this is about” I…” Nov 4, 09:57
    • Bill Reed on Americana: “Nervous to out myself as a Halsey fan, but– they should play her song “New Americana” over the end credits.…” Nov 4, 09:23
    • Mr. Majestyk on The Car / The Car: Road to Revenge: “Don’t know where else to put this, so I’m putting it here: If any of you guys have never seen…” Nov 3, 18:59
    • MaggieMayPie on Americana: “Yeah, it’s good. He plays a chief of police on a Navajo reservation in the late 1970s. It’s based on…” Nov 3, 17:01
    • deepfriednoir on Americana: “I’ve got McClarnon staring at me through the thumbnail of a Netflix recommendation for a show called Dark Winds, does…” Nov 3, 15:28
    • Curt on Nightbreed (special Halloween revisit): “Damn, you’re right. I saw the doc at a local film festival but I either missed or forgot Vern’s review:…” Nov 3, 08:30
    • Adam C aka TaumpyTearrs on Nightbreed (special Halloween revisit): “That doc is actually a primary source for the youtube video, and I remember seeing Vern write about it here.…” Nov 3, 01:18
    • caruso_stalker217 on Play Dirty: “Finally watched this last night and, man. Shane Black is my boy, but this was a rough one. Between everything…” Nov 2, 22:43
    • caruso_stalker217 on Honey Don’t!: “As probably the world’s number one DRIVE AWAY DOLLS fan, I figured I was honor-bound to watch this. So I…” Nov 2, 21:39
    • Miguel Hombre on Terminator 2: Judgment Day (30th anniversary revisit): “R.I.P. to the great cinematographer Adam Greenberg. So instrumental to the visual character and artistic success of the original first…” Nov 2, 10:51
    • Curt on Nightbreed (special Halloween revisit): “Adam, if you haven’t already seen it then you will definitely want to check out the 2019 documentary “Scream, Queen!…” Nov 2, 03:12

  • Recent Commented on Posts

  • Most Comments