Archive for the ‘Reviews’ Category
Monday, January 1st, 2001
As I have said before many times the Bruces are some of the best action stars in my opinion: Bruce Willis, Bruce Campbell, and in this case one Mr. Bruce Lee star of Enter the Dragon and The Chinese Connection etc.
There have been many fine biographies of this particular Bruce, among them Bruce Lee: The Man the Myth starring Bruce Li, who also starred in one called Dragon Story. In The Man the Myth Bruce is depicted as a nationalist always out to prove the superiority of chinese kung fu over thai boxing, japanese karate, and fat Italian-American guys. Bruce Li at times looks similar to Bruce Lee although the karate or kung fu I guess is not as good. He has a good haircut and pants in my opinion but still does not capture the essence of the man. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Jason Scott Lee, Rob Cohen
Posted in Action, Drama, Reviews | No Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
Now I don’t know if you remember last Valentine’s Day when I wrote a little bit about my man, the late Roger Vadim. Or maybe you already know about him. Personally I never met the dude, but he has always been a personal hero of mine ever since I read the title of his book, MY MARRIAGE TO THREE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD. This is an individual who was married to 1) a young Jane Fonda. 2) Brigitte Bardot. And others.
Now although Mr. Vadim is obviously one of the great filmmakers of our time, just based on those great accomplishments, I have not seen too many of his pictures. One I have seen is the Barbarella, which is about a gorgeous space gal going on adventures and etc. Excellent. Number two I have seen Dangerous Liasons 1968, a French version of that story which takes place in – you guessed it – 1968. And the music is jazz music by Thelonious Monk and Art Blakey. It stars Jeanne Moreau. Can’t remember if Roger married her too but it wouldn’t fucking surprise me. If not, I’m sure there was SOMETHING going on there, I mean think about it, this dude could accomplish anything he set his mind to. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Brigitte Bardot, Roger Vadim
Posted in Drama, Reviews | No Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
Damn, I can’t believe I forgot about this one. They were showing it on cable and it is a real fitting coincidence that they happen to show it when the super bowl deal is coming up this sunday. But hell what the hell do i know about what is going on in the world of football these days, that is why it is more exciting for me to root for this movie where Burt Reynolds has to lead a team of inmates in a game against the guards.
Remember when Burt Reynolds was cool? He was just this cocky motherfucker doesn’t give a fuck. All he wants to do is get laid and be a smartass and back then you didn’t expect a big star to be so open about it. He also had that mustache but in this one he shaves it off as soon as he goes to the joint. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Burt Reynolds, Ed Lauter, football, Robert Aldrich
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Reviews, Sport | 3 Comments »
Monday, January 1st, 2001
LONE WOLF AND CUB #1: SWORD OF VENGEANCE
Way back when when I first compiled THE BADASS 100 there were alot of individuals recommending for me to watch the LONE WOLF AND CUB, aka the BABYCART series. I sort of vaguely knew what they were talking about. Something about a samurai and a baby. I’ve seen the boxes before and they got kind of ugly design with some black and white pictures. I felt like, you know, I’m sure it’s good, I’ll get it some time, probaly. The truth is I get alot of recommendations and I always want to follow them but you know how it is. There are so many movies out there. You never get to watch all of them.
I gotta confess that it was the SHOGUN ASSASSIN reference in KILL BILL V.2 that finally reminded me to watch these fuckers. I knew SHOGUN ASSASSIN was a good old american style assfucking of the first two pictures in the LONE WOLF and I decided to pick up the first one, known here as SWORD OF VENGEANCE. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: samurai
Posted in Action, Drama, Reviews | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, December 27th, 2000
Ever since I first saw American Pimp I have been meaning to see this competing “pimpumentary” which came out the same year and was covered in the same articles. Someone even told me it was way better because the pimps are crazier and flashier. But now that I’ve finally seen it I gotta say, I disagree. This is the poor man’s American Pimp. The made-for-tv American Pimp. This is the Carnosaur to American Pimp‘s Jurassic Park. If American Pimp is The Beatles, Pimps Up is a Monkees cover band. When they’re older and less inspired, and thinking of breaking up.
The filmatics in this one simply is not as good. American Pimp was finely sculpted in such a way as to explain the pimp culture, how they are viewed in society, what is important to them, how their job works, etc. Pimps Up doesn’t explain shit. It’s just a bunch of interviews, some of them very entertaining, but thrown together pretty much at random. Since I saw it on dvd it is the director’s cut, which I think just means they added in about 30 minutes of extra ass shaking. Alot of it takes place at strip clubs or at pimp conventions where they just have strippers shaking their asses alot. Which, sorry fellas, but it gets old. There are other documentaries which cover that territory better, many of them from companies like Vivid or Hustler. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: pimps
Posted in Documentary, Reviews | No Comments »
Thursday, December 21st, 2000
My friends, you may think I have been neglecting you. In the past month or two I have abandoned all my discipline and stopped doing the column weekly. I haven’t been reviewing all that many movies. I’ve been staying pretty much away from the computers of the internet except for Writing the occasional Ain’t It Cool News joke talk back message under the name “Darth Superman.”
The truth is I’m doing you a big fucking favor. I’m cutting down on my Writing. Focussing it. Putting my emphasis on what matters to me most, like honor, respect, and breaking a motherfuckers legs. I’m hoping less Writing = less crap, and therefore, better Writing. So you get to waste less time reading it, plus it’ll be better. That’s the theory, anyway. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Ang Lee, Chow Yun Fat, Michelle Yeoh
Posted in Action, Drama, Fantasy/Swords, Martial Arts, Reviews, Vern Tells It Like It Is | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, December 19th, 2000
As you know my favorite type of picture is the Badass picture. But not all pictures can be Badass pictures, that is just a sad fact of life that sooner or later each and every one of us must face. So if I was gonna make a list of the other types of pictures I like, and in what order, somewhere on there would be the ol’ sad ‘n funny. The picture that is so sad it’s funny or at least it’s sad and at the same time a little funny but maybe a little more sad than funny, really.
Anyway this one Chuck and Buck is one of those pictures. What it’s about is this poor schmuck named Buck who is I believe 27 years old but he lives with his mom in a room full of toys and sucks on lollipops all day. Then one day his mom dies and at the funeral he sees, for the first time in years, his childhood best friend Chuck. He tries to hang out with the dude but it’s really uncomfortable because Chuck is grown up now and some kind of record industry bigshot living in LA but Buck is like some kind of retard and all he wants to do is have sleepovers and talk about the stupid shit that happened to them when they were like 8. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Miguel Arteta, Mike White
Posted in Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews | No Comments »
Monday, December 4th, 2000
Well friends it looks like ol’ Vern has some explainin to do. And the sad thing is I don’t have jack shit to say for myself. Sometimes a man just has to do what a man does when he has to do it, or whatever. There comes a time in a man’s personal journey, that is to say in man’s life, that that journey must take a break, or sojourn, in that journey, is what I’m trying to say. A hiatus.
Okay some of you motherfuckers are looking at me real blank eyed and what not. I haven’t written a column for a couple weeks, jackasses. I guess you didn’t miss me, then. It was supposed to be mysterious. Like – what is Vern up to? Where has he gone? What personal discoveries has he made? Will we ever be the same? Oh I do hope he comes back. And soon!
So here I am again. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: biopic, Donal Logue, Janeane Garofalo, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Kevin Pollak, Vincent D'Onofrio
Posted in Drama, Reviews, Romance, Vern Tells It Like It Is | No Comments »
Wednesday, November 22nd, 2000
BRUCE WILLIS’S UNBREAKABLE
Starring Bruce Willis
If you know Vern then you know I am not the kind of Film Writer who avoids giving away surprises or “spoilings” in movie reviews. The dude from Felicity is the killer in Scream 3 to name only one example. Apparently the girl in the Crying Game has a dick but I haven’t seen that one. I can verify that it does happen in one of the Sleepaway Camp pictures though so keep your eyes peeled for that one as well. Anyway point is if you want to go into a movie fresh you shouldn’t read my review first is the point. Especially when it comes to the films of Bruce Willis. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Bruce, Bruce Willis, M. Night Shyamalan, Samuel L. Jackson
Posted in Bruce, Mystery, Reviews, Thriller | 8 Comments »
Monday, October 30th, 2000
This week friends ol’ Vern has a few things he has to get off his chest. A little bitchin and moanin is what I gotta do. So let me run through a few of these points about how, you know, everything is all a bunch of horse shit, etc.
1. HALLOWEEN
First off, last Tuesday was Halloween. And I want to know why you motherfuckers decided it was cancelled. I’m driving along at 7:45 pm, it’s been dark for more than hour and I don’t see a jack o’lantern, I don’t see a trick or treater. I don’t even see those little fuckers smashing my pumpkins. All I see is churches and schools with signs that say “Harvest Festival. Games and Food. October 31st.” (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Cameron Diaz, Darren Aranofsky, Drew Barrymore, Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly, Lucy Liu, McG
Posted in Action, Comedy/Laffs, Drama, Reviews, Vern Tells It Like It Is | 10 Comments »
