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2010

Friday, January 1st, 2010

bronson-toastI read somewhere that there’s a movement and websights trying to make sure people pronounce it “twenty ten” and not “two thousand ten” since it will save you ONE GOD DAMN SYLLABLE, and God knows how many crucial twitterings and texts we could spend those extra milliseconds on if we would just call it”twenty ten” every time. I mean, in retrospect maybe if we had been saying “twenty one” instead of “two thousand one” for that whole year maybe we would’ve had time to look into that intelligence briefing about Osama bin Laden determined to carry out attacks inside the United States.

Sorry, I don’t buy it. In protest I will only and always refer to this year by its full Christian name, TWO THOUSAND AND TEN, THE YEAR WE MAKE CONTACT.

Happy New Year everybody.

thanks everybody

Friday, December 25th, 2009

Hope everyone is well

clint-santa

R.I.P. Dan O’Bannon

Friday, December 18th, 2009

obannonDamn, I just read on The Ain’t It Cool News that Dan O’Bannon died. He’s mainly known as the creator of ALIEN (he wrote the original script). Although his script was re-written there’s no way to deny it came out of his mind when you watch DARK STAR, which he wrote with John Carpenter (as well as co-starred in and built the sets) and see how similar it is to ALIEN even though it’s a comedy. After that one he was hired by Jodorowsky to work on that version of DUNE that never came about.

O’Bannon’s got a bunch of great credits but the one I always associate him with is the absolutely brilliant RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. If you’ve never gotten around to seeing that one I think you should do it now and I don’t think you’ll regret it. If I ever complete last year’s New Year’s resolution of writing a script I’ll aspire to writing an opening scene half as perfect as that first-day-at-work sequence that opens ROTLD. The way he casually introduces all this information – the geography of the building, the things that will become zombified, the origins of the zombie plague – in the context of a very relatable work situation, making you laugh at the same time he’s building tension… I think it’s one of the all time greats.

To briefly summarize some of his career highlights, he got his start with John Carpenter, hung out with Jodorowsky, created one of the great sci-fi series of all time, invented fast zombies, wrote movies for Tobe Hooper (LIFE FORCE and INVADERS FROM MARS) and Paul Verhoeven (no less than TOTAL RECALL).

He was only 63. Too bad, man. I know it’s been a while since he got his credits on anything but ALIEN spinoffs, but I thought he had more in him. Thanks for the great times bud.

Good omens for Badass Cinema?

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

tn_hurtlocker

Okay, I know Golden Globe nominations aren’t something to take too seriously, but I couldn’t help but notice some of the greatest talents of action and badass cinema are getting some attention this year. I mean look at the nominees for best director:
Kathryn Bigelow
James Cameron
Clint Eastwood
Quentin Tarantino.

And, yeah, Jason Reitman’s on there, but ignore that. The names you see above have got to be the biggest collection of Man’s Man directors nominated for this award in a long time. And yes, Kathryn Bigelow is a woman, but she’s a Man’s Man’s Woman. (And I kind of hope she wins.)

As a bonus, Martin Scorsese gets a special award, and Thomas Jane of STANDER, Chiwetel Ejiofor of REDBELT, Alec Baldwin of MIAMI BLUES and Sigourney Weaver and Bill Paxton of ALIENS all got nominations for their TV work. I’d like to see Dolph on there somehow, but this is a good start. I think the signs are pointing in our direction, fellas. Maybe an Emmy nomination for LAWMAN next, and then ten straight years of asskicking movies.

Steven Seagal: Lawman premieres tonight

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

tn_lawmanSeagal’s new reality cop show begins on A&E tonight. I haven’t seen it yet. I’ll have my analysis for you when it’s ready – these things take time. But feel free to discuss the episode here.

(And man, I have no idea how I’m gonna handle this if I update Seagalogy some day. Complete episode guide might turn it into a phone book.)

Warner Home Video Hates America

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

Terminator Salvation Target ExclusiveI’m not sure how they released it in other countries, but my fellow Americans will remember that TERMINATOR SALVATION followed the LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD pattern of cutting it to a PG-13 rating in hopes of getting a wider audience (they weren’t interested though – I’m pretty sure it made less money than its three R-rated predecessors).

Not too big of a deal, because the problems that sunk the movie for me had nothing to do with them cutting out the boobs and death, and now that it’s out on DVD I can see what the R-rated cut would’ve been, right?

Well, shit. (read the rest of this shit…)

Filler

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

I got some important new reviews in the works, but for now all I have to offer is this video I found using the internet here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw

 

Washington voters: remember to approve R-71

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

ellis71A quick reminder: If you’re here in Washington state and allowed to vote, please remember to approve the “let’s keep basic gay rights” referendum R-71. If you haven’t been following it, here’s the deal:

Earlier in the year Washington finally passed a bill giving domestic partners (gay couples and elderly people who have lived together forever without getting married) some of the rights that married couples have. It’s not even true equality because they can’t get married, but it applies to things like visiting in hospitals and inheriting property and things like that.

Well, of course common sense and being nice is not allowed, so some scumbag out of state bigots (themselves documented tax cheats and wife beaters) paid a bunch of naive religious people to go around making up blatant lies about how the law was going to teach elementary school kids to have gay sex and penguins at the zoos will have to wear cock rings or whatever, and they got just barely enough signatures to put it on the ballot as R-71.

And to make it confusing, the thing on the ballot is the law itself, so you gotta vote FOR it if you believe in basic equality. Not against it because you are against the nitwits who forced it on there.

I mean, I understand that Leviticus is against gay sex and eating shellfish and shaving but what kind of a huge asshole and fake Christian wants to legally stop an old lady they never met from visiting her life partner in the hospital? There’s just no way to civilly disagree on stuff like this. It’s like saying, “I like punching orphans in the balls, it’s just my belief. Please don’t be intolerant of my views.” To actively go out of your way to legally prevent this kind of thing – you are an asshole. There is no way to be a nice person who wants to make sure the government prevents gay couples from visiting each other in the hospital.

So please, if it’s in your power, APPROVE THE SHIT OUT OF R-71. Don’t let these assholes come into our state and ruin everything.

thank you and sorry for the interruption.

special thanks to Mr. Subtlety for inspiring the “Don’t Be Ellis” graphic in the comments

Texas Chain Saw Massacre vs. Contemporary Art

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

I was walking downtown the other day when I strolled past one of these fuckin things:

bodiesexhibitionIn the building that used to be The Adidas Store they now have a bunch of plastinated Chinese corpses posed as if they’re playing chess and football and shit. This is one of two very popular travelling exhibits. It’s been through here before, I’m sure most of you have heard of it (or even seen it), and they even had James Bond run through one of these type of exhibits in QUANTUM OF SOLACE. (read the rest of this shit…)

Save BLACK DYNAMITE

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

tn_blackdynamiteAttention New Yorkers, Los Angelenos, Philadelphiacs, Atlantians, Chicagoians and Seattleors:

I got an email from BLACK DYNAMITE co-writer/director (and one time outlawvern.com commenter) Scott Sanders. As I feared, he says the lack of a serious advertising budget is resulting in low ticket sales, and “Unless word gets out about the film soon, we have very little chance of surviving the weekend.”

It turns out that having the trailer online and showing the ad one time on BET doesn’t get everybody’s attention. Just ours.

Sorry for the infomercial but I have an interest in this doing well because 1) I want to see a sequel and 2) your life will be made better by seeing this movie, and I am a humanitarian. So here is my outlaw guarantee: if you go pay full price to see it this week and you regret it, contact me. In lieu of a refund I promise to review the movie of your choice. Even if it’s the fucking Boondock Saints or some shit like that, I’ll do it for you. But I probly won’t have to because this movie will kick your ass and grow you a mustache.

blackdynamitescoreIn other BLACK DYNAMITE news, the soundtrack and score albums finally came out this week. They didn’t get them at my local record store though, so I have them on order. But I’m listening to them online right now – skip over that hip hop remix (not sure what that’s about) and you can hear what’s actually on the albums. The soundtrack is the original songs by Adrian Younge and the score is all library music, which explains part of why the music sounds so authentic – it is authentic. But listening to those Adrian Younge songs, I swear I forget it’s not one of the vintage collections I have – even the recording quality sounds 1976. That attention to detail is part of what makes the movie so great.

links and more info if you click the ‘click here’ thing (read the rest of this shit…)