For God’s sake man, when I go to see a western there are certain things I expect to see, and certain things I don’t expect to see, and one of the things I don’t expect to see–
Nah, I’m just fuckin with you. Everybody knows that BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN is “the gay cowboy movie.” Or that’s the hype anyway. So first thing’s first, I gotta tell you that the “gay cowboy” description is utter bullshit and if that’s what you wanna see you’re gonna be just as disappointed as I woulda been if I went in expecting THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES. Because this is not about gay cowboys. It’s about gay sheperds. They herd sheep. They shepherd. They are gay shepherds. Get it straight, America. Cowboys are dealing with cows and cattle and whatnot. If they herd sheep, they are shepherds. In this case, gay shepherds.
Second thing to say is, this really is a good movie, they are not lying. Ang Lee knows his shit when it comes to gay shepherds in 1963 Wyoming, or giant green radioactive mutants contemplating lichen in the desert, or some guys in a tree fighting over the green sword of destiny, or whatever the fuck he wants to make a movie about. Ang Lee is a guy, you could just toss movie ideas at him and he would hit them out of the park with his eyes closed. Mafia epic. Opera based on the life of Malcolm Jamal Warner. Peewee football tragedy. HAMLET acted out by racoons. If you can describe it, this motherfucker can make a good movie out of it. Don’t even try it. You can’t beat him. It’s like fighting gravity.
Now, I don’t want to be one of those chumps that emphasizes “ALTHOUGH I AM STRAIGHT, I liked this movie, BUT I AM NOT GAY THOUGH” or that type of shit. So sorry if you think I’m a chump for saying this. But the simple fact of the matter is, I like vaginas. I don’t like buttholes. The protruding butt area on a woman is an excellent area, I am not so interested in the actual hole, male or female. That’s just the way I do things around here. And I’m not all that hot on romance movies anyway, or cowboys for that matter, let alone shepherds. (Although Joseph, Jesus’s dad, was probaly a good guy, and a good shepherd.) What I’m saying is, I did not necessarily expect to like this movie on more than an intellectual level, even if it is Ang Lee. (more…)
You know with the year 2000 and everything maybe my new year’s resolution should be to cut down on sex with young women. now don’t get me wrong 18 is my cut off point, I’m not going down again and that’s a fact, jack. But still this may be too young for ol’ Vern and let me explain why.
