I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

Red Sonja

tn_redsonjaRed Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen) is a warrior gal with red hair. Like all fantasy heroes her village was burned down and her parents were killed and she has to go on a journey where she will eventually save the world from the bitch that did it and throw her into some lava. Because she was a girl she also got raped (so we hear, luckily this is not a I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE type approach) and that adds an extra dimension to the revenge.

So some ghostly spirit lady appears to her and tells her she’ll give her powers so she can get revenge. The only catch is she has to vow not to be “had” by any man that doesn’t defeat her in battle first. That’s kind of some fucked up magic small print, isn’t it? She got raped so she has to keep getting raped, basically? I’m against it.

Anyway, you quickly forget about the magic powers, it just seems like she’s tall and good at swords. She lives in Conan the Barbarian’s Hyborian age, but you won’t hear many lamentations from this woman. She’s introduced sparring with some Asian swordmaster and kicking his ass. I don’t see why this can’t be training and not magic, but oh well. Meanwhile over in a monastery somewhere a bunch of priestesses in white robes are about to ritualistically destroy a talisman that could be used to conquer the world. But some soldiers throw a dagger at the priestess, come in and steal the talisman. Fuck!

mp_redsonjaNot surprisingly the evil queen behind this whole plot is the same one that burned down Sonja’s village. Her name is Queen Gedren and she’s played by Sandahl Bergman, who also played Valeria in CONAN THE BARBARIAN (which won her a Golden Globe for “New Star of the Year – Actress”). She apparently was offered the part of Red Sonja but turned it down to play Gedren. Having something like that she could hold over Brigitte Nielsen all the time probly helped her to be evil.

Gedren wears dumb looking leather straps on her face. She tells one of her men to touch the talisman, but when he does he disappears. Warps to another dimension or ceases to exist or who knows. So she tells one of her women to touch it. And she’s like “Uh– b-but, I mean…” She’s like Chris Tucker not wanting to get into that trunk in JACKIE BROWN: she doesn’t want to do it, but she does it. Luckily she doesn’t disappear – it turns out that only women can touch it.

You see? That’s the genius of RED SONJA. She’s apparently in the same world as Conan the Barbarian but she’s on a quest that he could never do, because she can touch the talisman and he can’t. Fuck you, Conan.

The dying priestess zip-lines away just in time to meet Arnold Schwarzenegger on a horse and tell him to go get her sister, which is Red Sonja. So Sonja finds out she’s gotta go on a quest to find this bitch and destroy her talisman.

Unfortunately it’s not all that exciting of a quest, and not much happens. She comes across a town that’s already been destroyed by the queen and her talisman. The only survivors are an obnoxious prince named Tarn (Ernie Reyes, Jr.) and his servant Falkon, who kept reminding me of that guy Horatio Sanz who used to be on Saturday Night Live. If you’re not familiar with Reyes, he was a kid who was an accomplished martial artist, who must’ve been about 12 or 13 when he did this and his first movie, THE LAST DRAGON. As an adult he was one of the fighters in THE RUNDOWN and was the native who attacked them in the cemetery in KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL, but I mainly think of him from this TV show he had in the ’80s called Sidekicks. Gil Gerard was a cop who had to take care of Ernie, he was the heir to some kind of martial arts legacy so people would attack him and he would do tae kwon do or whatever.

In this one he’s an entitled little shit-stain who’s constantly yelling at his servant and calling him an imbecile, or he’s complaining about “ruffians.” He’s a funny little kid and he gets really into the role but it’s also pretty grating. Even after he’s softened up, they’ve helped save the day and Falkon has risked his own life to save him, the fucking kid calls him “clown.” On the positive side, he swings a sword around alot and seems better at it than any of the adults in the movie.

Also they fight a mechanical sea beast.

Nielsen was a young model at the time, she got the part shortly before filming after being spotted on the cover of a magazine. Her performance is stiff, but I kind of like her in it. She doesn’t seem crazy like she does now.

mp_redsonjaBI always knew about this movie and how Schwarzenegger got top billing but wasn’t really the lead. I thought he had a cameo as Conan. He’s actually a pretty big supporting character, he follows her around and keeps showing up to help her, makes fun of the logic of her vow not to sleep with a dude who doesn’t defeat her first, then tries to defeat her so she’ll fuck him, then sticks around for the finale. He’s dressed fancier than Conan but still, this is the same Robert E. Howard world as Conan, right? So I was surprised when he said his name was Kalidor. I even wondered if he was using an alias and would later reveal that he was Conan, but it never happened.

Apparently Red Sonja isn’t exactly a Robert E. Howard Conan character anyway. Howard had a supporting character named Red Sonya, but she was in a non-fantasy story that took place during a time when there were guns. Many years later the name was re-spelled to use for this character in the Conan comic books.

I can’t claim this is a good movie but I don’t regret finally watching it.

Here’s Ernie Reyes:

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.
This entry was posted on Sunday, September 11th, 2011 at 7:32 pm and is filed under Fantasy/Swords, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

54 Responses to “Red Sonja”

  1. Enjoyed RED SONJA when I was a wee one, but for most of my life I didn’t realize that it was released in 1985. Maybe it’s the lighting or the fake sea dragon thing or just the filmatists’ budget, but I recall at the time thinking that it looked much, much older & cheaper than it should for the year it was made, like a 1993 Ford Mustang, or an impoverished chainsmoking mother of 5.

  2. Ernie Reyes Jr: Filipino sa Amerikano pagmamataas. Yes!

    Ernie Reyes Jr: American Scientologist. Uggh.

  3. In the same boat as Mouth: enjoyed it as a kid, but always thought it was an older movie. I once heard this described as “Conan for chicks.”

  4. And I, too, was always confused by the non-Conan Conan character. I always took it like it was Conan’s alter ego in the same way Bruce Wayne is Batman. Only in this film the Bruce Wayne was helping out the Batgirl of the Conan franchise. (No clue as a kid that Conan was a comic.)

  5. I kinda miss Ernie Reyes Jr. I recently watched TURTLES II and man, that kid knows how to kick ass, even in a stupid kids movie. I saw him everywhere in the early to mid 90’s, then he just disappeared. I guess the older he got, the less impressive got his skills. (Not saying he got worse, but that it’s more impressive to see a kid do all those stunts, than an adult.) Didn’t know that he was one of the cemetery guys in CRYSTAL SKULL.

  6. Loved this one as a kid. My dad taped it one night for me way back when. I was always disgusted by the Raiders of The Lost Arc SS Nazi turning into a spider pet for the Gedren Queen.

  7. I saw this on TV when I was a kid – I recorded it, and watched it at 6AM the next morning before school. During the scene that the priestesses are thrown in the well, my old man came rushing out to see what was going on because he thought all the moaning and screaming was a porno. What that says about his sex life I leave to you…

  8. Besides starring in TMNT part 2, Ernie Reyes Jr. was also the stunt double for Donatello in the first TMNT movie (he and Raphael – Ho Sung Pak? – have the best moves).

    Donatello is my favorite turtle, btw.

  9. Rudolf Klein-Rogge

    September 12th, 2011 at 1:35 am

    That Ernie Reyes Jr clip was amazing. TURTLES II is where I remember him from, and I had no idea he was the obnixious little kid in RED SONJA until I re-watched it a few years back. Did not like this as a kid (watched it only for Arnold, and was disappointed he wasn’t the lead), and don’t care for it now, though I guess it’s slightly less dull than CONAN THE DESTROYER. Both of these were directed by Richard Fleischer, who had a pretty interesting career, and made some great movies. NARROW MARGIN probably is my favorite. He was the son of either Max or Dave Fleischer. On the RED SONJA dvd I rented (it could have been on CONAN 2, not sure) there was a 90 minute career-spanning interview with Fleischer. Great stuff.

  10. I still can’t believe that they established that the evil queen has a giant spider and then don’t do anything with the giant spider. It just sits there and purrs.

    And I watched CONAN THE DESTROYER again recently. Definitely better than RED SONJA. And, sadly, is slightly closer to the Robert E. Howard stories than the first film was.

    Very fucking slightly.

  11. Fun movie, but i never understood why a man played the role of the sexy she-warrior Red Sonja.

  12. I never saw this, but the Nostalgia Critic review of it was hilarious

    was it the second Conan that had Grace Jones in a thong?

  13. also, fucking lol at the comparison between the American poster and the Turkish (or African?) one

  14. Rudolf Klein-Rogge

    September 12th, 2011 at 4:12 am

    Yup. That was in CONAN 2.

  15. billydeethrilliams

    September 12th, 2011 at 5:11 am

    You the baddest little dude I’ve ever seen!

  16. The training-through-magic bit reminds me of that book “Ringworld”, in which the only female on the mission was there solely because she’d been selectively bred to be “lucky” – by a race of aliens comprising of males and “non-sentient females”. The book somehow managed to win the Nebula award despite the woman’s liberation movement being in full swing at the time – and people wonder why sci-fi isn’t taken seriously.

  17. Here in France the movie is actually called KALIDOR (well, KALIDOR, LEGEND OF THE TALISMAN), and I watched it many times as a kid and always saw Schwarzenegger as the main character. Watching it again as a grownup, it was weird to realize that he had way less screen times than Nielsen, and that Sonja was the real protagonist.
    I don’t know about the region 1 DVD, but on my version of the movie, the rape scene at the beginning is actually shown on screen. It’s super short and not too graphic but still pretty disturbing considering that other than that, it’s a rather family-friendly movie, even more than CONAN THE DESTROYER.

  18. As I understand it, Arnold is supposed to be playing Conan but there were some rights issues or something so they just renamed the character Kalidor. But for all intents and purposes, you’re supposed to believe he’s Conan.

  19. That clip of Ernie Reyes and Wayne from the WONDER YEARS is hilariously awesome! You just made my day.

    Obviously, Raph was the best ninja turtle, though.

  20. This thing was actually cowritten by George MacDonald Fraser, he of the brilliant Flashman novels (and the ROYAL FLASH film). Not really top-drawer material, though. I guess he was low on cash that month.

  21. See, I see a lot of differences between Conan and Kalidor. Kalidor is way more of a suave ladies’ man than Conan. He seemed more like the bastard son of a nobleman than some guy who grew up pushing the Wheel of Pain.

  22. AU_Armageddon (Formerly The Artist Formerly Known as AU_Armageddon)

    September 12th, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Not a good movie!?! Man, Red Sonja has the most hysterically ballsy scene of any fantasy movie. When Red Sonja impales the overacting one-eye squinting bearded leader (who if I recall had fought 177 men of which the only survivor had no legs) and his entire army then go for her (after the pythonesque scene where they are all nodding their heads agreeing not to lol) – you first got this awesome scene of arnie enthusiastically jumping up in the middle of them and hacking down everyone in range, but then the ballbustingly fanastic awesomeness of him hurrying Sonja out there to the exit, but then he lets her out and closes the gates with himself inside against this army!

    Okay, so mebbe ‘technically’ it’s not a ‘good’ movie, but sheeit, I’ve seen it at least 3 or 4 times and laughed with delight every time. It’s brilliant.

  23. Rudolf Klein-Rogge

    September 12th, 2011 at 9:21 am

    Matthew B: Did not know Fraser wrote this. Thanks for that bit of information. Have not read his Flashman novels, but I’ve seen and enjoyed the movie. Fraser also wrote the fantastic Musketeer trilogy for Richard Lester. A very witty writer.

  24. I just watched this the other day as part of my upcoming Arnold marathon and it held up better than I remembered. It’s no Conan 1… or 2… but it’s decent enough.

  25. @ Andy

    Yeah, I think the story goes that Universal passed on this, so De Laurentiis took it to another studio. However, this also meant he no longer had a legal right to use the character of Conan.

    The end result was an odd film that, for better or worse, effectively killed any chance of Arnold making Conan 3 in the 80s.

  26. Not only arguably Arnold’s worst film, this beats even Conan The Destroyer as the worst Robert E. Howard-related film currently out there. Because 1. it’s just a terrible goddamn movie, and 2. it (like the original comic book Red Sonja, who is no great shakes either) tries to combine two of Howard’s best characters and just makes an utter mess out of them.

    There are only about four real warrior women in Howard’s entire body of work: Belit, the pirate queen, and Conan’s true love, in “Queen Of The Black Coast”; Valeria, in “Red Nails”; the already mentioned by Vern Red Sonya in “Shadow Of the Vulture”, which is about the siege of Jerusalem in the 15th century, and the great Dark Agnes de Chastillon, a 16th century French adventurer whom Howard wrote three stories about, the first of which, “Sword Woman”, is one of his finest. Dark Agnes is right up there with Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The Bride, Marion Ravenwood, Eowyn, Princess Leia, Pam Grier, Sarah Conner, Ripley and Vasquez in the pantheon of Action Goddesses. She rules.

    She also has red hair and refuses to submit to any man (“submit” being 1930s code for “have sex with”). I strongly suspect that the Marvel Comics Red Sonja was largely ripped off from Dark Agnes–the character resembles her a lot more then Red SonYa. Now, Belit and Valeria basically got combined into Movie Valeria in the Milius’ Conan, so they did pretty good by the Howard film adaptations. However, the Dark Agnes stories absolutely would make for a GREAT movie if somebody were to adapt them (and “Shadow Of The Vulture” would be a fine stand-alone historical epic action movie too). I fear, though, that the very existence of RED SONJA will both confuse audiences and scare away producers from a Dark Agnes movie. A Robert E. Howard connected female warrior who’s celibate and has bright red hair: yep, good ol’ RED SONJA pretty well screwed that up for a LOOOONG time.

  27. Rudolf Klein-Rogge

    September 12th, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    If this is the worst Robert E. Howard-related movie, does that mean that it’s worse than the Conan currently playing in theaters? And is CONAN THE DESTROYER also worse than the new one? If so, I might check it out. I just automatically assumed that the latest was way more terrible, what with Nispel directing, and the movie looking ugly as shit.

  28. Isn’t KULL THE CONQUEROR the worst of all?
    I’d say the new CONAN is not as bad as a lot of reviews say it is, but worse than CONAN THE DESTROYER.

  29. Both “Conan the Destroyer” and this were great bad fantasy movies. If I ever had a jacuzzi, I’d want a giant mechanical sea-snake for it. Don’t read too much into that.

    Talking of which, the thing about Red Sonja – and I didn’t notice this until it was pointed out to me, at which point it’s difficult to UN-notice it – is that pretty much every other line of dialogue, and much of the symbolism, seems to be taken directly from a gay porn movie. (Not that I’m into that kind of thing, you understand, but come on… there’s not much ambiguity about it.)

    Actually that’s some comparison… I think we can all agree with the benefit of hindsight that both “Conan” movies were pretty bad; but while Conan #1 was pretty standard fantasy stuff (and therefore less interesting), Conan #2 was always more entertaining to me for just embracing everything that made it what it was. I remember seeing it when I was a young teenager; it made me want to go out and rescue a busty blonde princess. Plus Grace Jones was as entertaining as Grace Jones always is. (She and the mad Nazi scientist were the only things that made “A View to a Kill” worth watching IMO.)

    And somebody please tell me that’s not Zack Morris from “Saved by the Bell” alongside Ernie Reyes in that clip… I don’t even know what to make of it if it is.

  30. Which is the one with the masturbating bear? I get these properties all confused.

  31. Sorry Paul, I don’t think we can all agree that both Conan movies were bad… I mean, I like them both, even if the second one is not very good at all.

    I know that a lot of people these days feel bad about genuinely liking action movies from the 80s, so they always have to claim that they think they’re bad but like them anyway because “It’s so bad it’s funny!”, but I’m sure some of us don’t “ironically” like these movies and actually like them for real.

  32. Toxic – I didn’t mean that, at all. And if anybody ever was “elitist” enough to “not admit” to liking the likes of “Commando” or “The Running Man”, for example, then I’ve never met ’em. Look, I’m the world’s #1 fan of the movie “Hackers”, and I’d never claim that was a “good” movie by most objective standards.

    But compare either of the two Arnie films I just mentioned to either of the original “Conan” films and I think there’s a HUGE difference in quality. Sort of like comparing “Batman Returns” to “Batman Forever”. Look, I can enjoy both of those films, but I’d never claim that the latter was in any way “better” than the former in terms of cinematic language, character development, etc. There’s a definite hierachy to Arnie’s work; and if “Predator” and “Terminator” are first-rate, and “Commando” and “The Running Man” are second-rate, the “Conan”s are definitely third-rate.

  33. I’d honestly count the 1st Conan as first-rate, and I see it as way better than The Running Man. And I see both as better than moronic garbage like Batman Forever.
    Well, what can I say, we’re all beautiful snowflakes.

  34. There’s nothing “second-rate” about John Matrix.

    He’s diesel. He’s got a great sense of humor. He’s outdoorsy. He’s handy with all manner of tools, lethal & nonlethal alike. He’s tireless. His daughter is blazing hot. He has a boat.

    If I were a single lady on match.com, I’d be looking for John Matrix.

  35. Paul, I think most of us would agree that the first CONAN is a so-good-it’s-kinda-great movie that has beautiful cinematography, excellent production values, a bold, elemental story, a couple of iconic characters, some of the most badass lines in the history of film, an actual theme that its makers believed in, and a part where Arnold punches a camel in the face for no reason.

  36. I admire how Conan handles overzealous lovers. If a woman cums first, gets crazy, okay no problem, but if she starts scratching and growing fangs, sometimes you gotta toss her in the fire.

    http://www.metacafe.com/watch/mv-LoSY/crazy_witch_sex/

  37. Paul- That’s actually the other obnoxiously blonde, pompadour’d teenager from the late 80’s/early 90’s, Jason Hervey, aka Fred Savage’s brother Wayne from The Wonder Years.

  38. Conan and his buddy on black stygian ‘shrooms, punching llamas and calling everyone sluts, remains one of my favorite parts of any fantasy movie. I always liked the guy who sells it to them, too. “They used to be just another snake cult, but now…” Thulsa Doom is like the Steve Jobs of snake cults, apparently; starting off working with a few of his buddies, knocking on doors (then kicking them in and burning down the houses- a real closer), then easing off and focusing more on his brand, appealing to the hippie crowd and taking that shit global.

    Also, it’s amazing that between Conan and that Ridley Scott Robin Hood, Max Von Sydow has been playing the same kind of “old lord” for almost 30 years now.

  39. I meant Kull The Conquerer. Whoops….Thanks, Toxic. My mind was thinking “Kull”, but my fingers typed Conan The Destroyer. Yes, Kull is the worst–and it also ruined another excellent Howard character and series of stories’ chance at deserved cinematic greatness.

    To be fair to Conan The Destroyer, it’s a decent sword and sorcery action movie, but man, it’s still not that good. Dino and Rafella De Laurentis were clearly the guiding creative forces in that production, and between Destroyer and Red Sonja you can pretty clearly see the kind of thinking that would finally reach it’s full, disastrous apothesis with Kull The Conquerer a few years later.

    And John Milius’ Conan The Barbarian is, after The Lord Of The Rings trilogy, the second greatest fantasy film ever made. It is a classic.

  40. I thought Kevin Sorbo was pretty funny/likable in Kull and it had Tia Carrere in it. Thats about it. I think my favorite sword and sorcery movie is Krull (not Kull). I used to think that the knife/frisbee thing that the dude uses to slice and dice bad guys was the coolest thing ever. Haven’t seen it in a while but I bet it’s still fucking cool. And it had Liam Neeson in it.

  41. Re: the worst REH film?

    Of the post-Milius Conan films, I consider Destroyer to be the best produced. It’s competently made and doesn’t feel as though it was chopped down from a superior version. (Even though, technically, it was.)

    However, it really depends on whether or not you can get past the more kid-friendly tone. If you can’t, then Conan 2011 wins by default. It’s not a well-made film, but does do a good job of recreating the feel of, say, a Savage Sword of Conan comic. There’s blood and tits and the whole thing moves at a brisk pace.

    Red Sonja has some good production values, but even those aren’t consistent. Impressive location shooting is often contrasted by incredibly cheap looking sets. The story is also a complete mess, from the bizarre opening prologue/flashback to Sonja spending too much time with an unlikable kid.

    Kull began life as Conan the Conqueror, but only the bare-bones of that original screenplay actually made it to the screen. The result is a lifeless film that feels heavily edited down from a more coherent story.

  42. Somebody mentioned Krull without talking about the awesome spider web lair scene?
    Come to think of it, has Vern reviewed Krull?

  43. “Paul, I think most of us would agree that the first CONAN is a so-good-it’s-kinda-great movie that has beautiful cinematography, excellent production values, a bold, elemental story, a couple of iconic characters, some of the most badass lines in the history of film, an actual theme that its makers believed in, and a part where Arnold punches a camel in the face for no reason.”

    Majestyk – really?

    Really?

    I can understand liking it, although I didn’t; but iconic characters? Excellent production values?

    Were we even watching the same movie? I can barely remember most of the characters (although I will admit, it’s a long time since I saw it). I remember liking the thief. Can’t even remember the antagonist, which is never a good sign.

    I’ll give you the badass lines, especially this one: “Tell the Gods to stay out of my way”. That was pretty badass. And I’ll give you the cinematography. And the camel. Punching camels is good.

    But overall it just left me with a profound ennui, or if you’d prefer to put it in more colloquial terms a strong sense of “Meh, who gives a fuck”. Didn’t hate it, didn’t love it; it just left very little impression on me.

  44. Kull the Conqueror is awesome after half a bottle of whisky …

    Magician dude: “Your bride is over 3,000 years old. ”

    Kull: “She told me she was 19!”

  45. “Were we even watching the same movie?”

    I ask myself this question pretty much every time you leave a comment, Paul. Don’t ever change.

  46. Majestyk – to be fair to “Conan”, it is a very long time since I’ve seen it. Maybe I should re-watch it someday and give it another shot.

    Like I said in the “Kull” thread, I didn’t hate it, by any means. Parts of it worked for me, just not the film as a whole.

  47. Paul, you didn’t appreciate James Earl Jones as the leader of a bunch of Manchurian Candidate hotties in matching robes (iIrc)? You might have to rewatch this on the big screen to get where Mr. M and us are coming from. If I were a nerd, I’d order you to contemplate this on the tree of woe.

    His character is interesting, and the acting is good, but what captivated me and gave me nightmares (the good kind of nightmares) is the tone & pace of how Thulsa Doom is filmed, especially toward the end. The dialogue is spaced out, the vistas wide to match, the silences deafening, heart-catching, and you really can’t tell if there’s going to be anything resembling a happy ending, if Conan is going to survive & win or if everyone will be horribly tortured. The pain of Conan’s world, I guess it’s called Hyboria or something, is uncompromising, relentless. It’s where good guy triumphalist Hollywood bullshit goes to get raped & enslaved. You know, the Milius treatment.

    The Thulsa Doom scenes are almost as impressive as the trippiest parts of APOCALYPSE NOW, as oppressively scary as the Satan scenes in THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, as immersive and almost as well filmed as the drama of the last 20 minutes of THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS, as jarring as but more clear-eyed than the hallucinations of VALHALLA RISING, but I guess since CONAN THE BARBARIAN is strictly “high adventure” it doesn’t get as much respect as other movies that are straight dramas with a basis in real history that makes people think they’re more important.

  48. I think it just has an epicness and and atmosphere that you have to let yourself sink into. On the surface, there’s not much to it, but it just feels so much bigger and grander than any of its competition. Think of it as a spaghetti western with swords and you’re halfway there.

  49. Agreed, you say “epicness & atmosphere that you have to let yourself sink into,” I say “immersive.” Also we each have slightly different words but the same message that Paul is from another planet.

  50. Mouth makes a good point about the pacing. There’s something scary and inevitable about the long, lugubrious languors of the Thulsa Doom sequences, as if he carries a bubble of slow-mo around him when he enters the scene. I haven’t seen the remake but it seems like everyone complains that everything is glossed over and nothing is given the time it needs to have any impact. In film, time has a shape just like any object, and sometimes it needs to be stretched out to display a moment at actual size.

  51. …And while I know what you guys are talking about, on a theoretical level, I just cannot match any of it up to the film I remember seeing. Don’t remember being particularly medicated that day either.

    I’m going to HAVE to rewatch “Conan the Barbarian” now because I couldn’t even remember James Earl Jones being in it, let alone him being the antagonist. I’m seriously wondering if I saw a crap DTV-remake or something; except I’m certain Arnie was in the one that I saw.

  52. Paul,
    If you a remembering a thief character and not remembering James Earl Jones, then you are thinking of Conan The Destroyer… which, as all above have said, even those who like it admit to it being totally inferior to Conan The Barbarian.

  53. I really dug this film as a kid not becuase it was a great movie but because I had a thing for Nielsen. She was like an Amazon. Tall and powerful, but at the same time sexy. However, much like Nielsen RED SONYA has not aged well. Nielsen is pretty hideous these days, but I would watch RS in a second just to enjoy her in her prime.

  54. Forget about Red Sonja – Hundra is the female warrior to remember from the early 80’s (1983). Matt Cimber’s feminist action adventure may be a copy of Milius’ Conan, but once you’ve seen Lauren Landon fighting her way to liberation in a male dominated world at least you’ll never forget it.

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