This movie came out in 1979, but it opens with the hero doing moves in front of a black void like so many ’80s ninja and karate movies. Instead of having credits written on the screen this guy says them out loud, introducing himself and the name of the movie. And it’s a hell of a name. If a movie called THE DEADLY ART OF SURVIVAL was no good it would still have a leg up on most other movies, because most other movies aren’t called THE DEADLY ART OF SURVIVAL. I don’t know if “good” is the best word to describe what this is, but it’s at least interesting. (read the rest of this shit…)
The Deadly Art of Survival
Vern abseils into THE DESCENT PART 2
Over there on the Ain’t It Cool News I reviewed the new straight to DVD sequel to THE DESCENT. The bad news is that it’s not from the director of the original, the good news is that it’s not from the director of DOOMSDAY.
Well, anyway, you’ll see what I think when you read the review. But please take special note of the authentic spelunking lingo used in the headline. They don’t always use my headlines over there but in this case they did. I researched that shit. It was awesome.
Well, they probly shouldn’t’ve made a DESCENT PART 2, but the one they made is not too shabby. It has just the acceptable level of shabbiness. It’s by rookie director Jon Harris, who edited the original THE DESCENT and to his credit not DOOMSDAY. (read the rest of this shit…)
Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon
As the founder and producer of Motown Records, Berry Gordy, Jr. created one of the most successful African American business enterprises in history, re-invented the sound of American music, discovered Smokey Robinson and the Miracles and signed such important artists as The Supremes, Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, The Four Tops, Gladys Knight & the Pips, Stevie Wonder and The Jackson 5. But music wasn’t enough to quench his thirst so he moved to L.A. and helped turn Diana Ross into a movie star, producing LADY SINGS THE BLUES and directing MAHOGANY.
Unfortunately, even a man who made such a powerful contribution to music and culture could not escape the funk and soul dead zone historians call “the 1980s.” There were black artists changing the world during that decade, but Michael Jackson had left Motown and Prince was never on it. Nobody on Motown could compete with those two, I don’t care how popular El DeBarge, Rockwell or Teena Marie were. Proud afros were replaced by drippy perms, tight rhythm sections by cheesy keyboards and drum machines. It was not a good time for Motown.
Let’s put it this way: 20th Century Masters – The Millennium Collection: Motown 1980s, Vol. 2 includes Bruce Willis’s rendition of “Respect Yourself.” So in 1985 we got Berry Gordy’s last movie, BERRY GORDY’S THE LAST DRAGON. (read the rest of this shit…)
Fist of Fury
FIST OF FURY aka THE CHINESE CONNECTION is Bruce Lee vehicle #2. This one is a period piece with much higher production values than THE BIG BOSS. Bruce comes into town wearing a white suit (looking like today’s pretty boy Korean pop stars, to be honest) and discovers that his master has just died. Bruce is playing the fictional character Chen Zhen, student to the real historical figure of Huo Yuanjia, who has become fictionalized in movies and legends. (For one version of Huo Yuanjia’s life story see FEARLESS, where he’s played by Jet Li.)
It’s ironic that this story comes out of speculation over Huo Yuanjia’s death, because speculation about Bruce Lee’s own death would pretty much become its own subgenre. But that’s later. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tears of the Sun
TEARS OF THE SUN is a Bruce Willis picture I missed until now. It’s about Nigerian refugees fleeing for Cameroon after anti-democratic military guys assassinate the president and his family and go around “ethnic cleansing” innocent people. I know, sounds kind of racist, but the secret is Bruce doesn’t play a Nigerian, he is not in blackface. He plays the lieutenant of an elite Navy SEALS unit sent in by Tom Skerritt (playing the twin brother of his character from TOP GUN, in my opinion) to rescue a Christian aid worker played by Monica Belluci. (read the rest of this shit…)
Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer Youtube Video Contest
Just a heads up in case anybody’s interested:
Titan Books, via the medium of The Ain’t It Cool News, is holding another Youtube video-making contest like they did for Seagalogy. This time of course it’s not Seagal-specific, you just have to make any type of short video that’s an homage or tribute to the films of badass cinema. I will have to pick the best ones and the top winner gets either an X-Box or Playing Station (their pick) plus a video game ($60 dollars or less) and the five “runners up” or “real winners” get my book.
I hope lots of people enter although to be frankly honest I would also be pleased if they got lazy and just ordered an X-Box, a video game and my book through the search box on the right there. GIVE ME MY 6.5%, MOTHERFUCKERS.
Whoops, sorry. I promised myself and others I wouldn’t get desperate about that affiliate business. I’ll be careful about that. I don’t even know what the fuck an X-Box does. Something to do with Halo, is my guess.
p.s. Sorry, you gotta be a resident of the U.S. for this. Some fuckin rules they gotta deal with.
Kick-Ass
KICK-ASS is the new movie that for the first time since DEFENDOR, MIRAGEMAN, SPECIAL and the first part of SPIDERMAN where he wears the pajamas asks the question “What would happen if a comic book nerd dressed up as a super hero and tried to fight crime?” The answer is partly the same as DEFENDOR’s (he’ll get beat up badly, except when he has clubs) but partly different (a little girl will fly around spinning knives and doing kung fu, murdering dozens of people and give him a jetpack and [SPOILERS for KICK-ASS and DEATH WISH 3] he’ll kill a mob boss DEATH WISH 3 style).
Either the movie is confused or just I am, because I really thought this was gonna be about what would happen if people tried to be super heroes in the real world. I thought this mainly because the lead nerd (who buys a mask and scuba suit and comes up with the dumb name Kick-Ass for himself) narrates through the entire movie and explains explicitly and in detail that that is in fact exactly what the story is about. (read the rest of this shit…)
The reviews of my reviews are in
Sorry to be self-indulgent here but I gotta brag about this review I got from The Independent, which is from what I hear an actual newspaper.
Makes me sound real respectable (and then mysterious at the end). Very wrong release date for Seagalogy, but way more positive a review than I ever expected.
I was also happy about this one on blogcritics, mainly because of this quote:
“To appreciate Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer, you should first appreciate movies. The only other qualification is being open-minded. If you are offended by street language or obscenity and base descriptions of human activities, you will be offended by Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer. If intelligent ideas — no matter how they are expressed — attract you, then you will enjoy Vern’s take on Hollywood and beyond.”
I think that’s the best description of what I do here. Street language and base descriptions of human activities.
We told you so
I have a hunch the bigger movie websights are about to catch up with us DTV action scholars re: the films of Isaac Florentine. Over there at Actionfest in North Carolina they gave best picture to MERANTAU (which recently got a rave review on kungfucinema.com) but the much anticipated (by us) UNDISPUTED 3 got best director for Florentine and best choreography for Larnell Stovall (that’s Florentine kicking Stovall in the picture there – no joke). According to this article on twitchfilm.net (thanks GoodBadGroovy for posting that in the comments) U3 wasn’t originally intended to be in competition, but the jury felt so strongly about it that they chose it anyway. That jury included Mr. McWeeny of Hitfix, Devin Feraci of Chud and Todd Brown of Twitch, so maybe those websights will start talking up Florentine the way we’ve all been after seeing UNDISPUTED II, NINJA, THE SHEPHERD: BORDER PATROL, US SEALS 2, BRIDGE OF DRAGONS and SPECIAL FORCES.
Feraci tweetered, “UNDISPUTED III is the future of low budget action – amazing digital photography, crisp and exciting fight choreography and personable leads.” He probly hasn’t seen UNDISPUTED II, BLOOD AND BONE or UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: REGENERATION if he thinks that’s a new development, but I’m glad he’s on board. Now we gotta introduce those guys to John Hyams.
The other big news is that apparently Chuck Norris declined his lifetime achievement award and gave it to his brother. That’s sweet and also kind of hilarious since it was already goofy for Aaron Norris to found a film festival to give an award to his own brother. Now he gave an award to himself!
Anyway, sounds like it went great and will hopefully continue to grow.
Invasion U.S.A.
In honor of the historic first ever ACTIONFEST going on right now in Asheville, North Carolina, I thought I should watch a Chuck Norris picture. Mr. Norris is the recipient of the Actionfest Lifetime Achievement Award (and coincidentally brother of Actionfest co-founder Aaron Norris). For their retrospective they’re showing CODE OF SILENCE (Seagalogy p. 13-14) and BRADDOCK: MISSING IN ACTION III. Since I’d already seen CODE and didn’t have time to catch up with MIA 1-2 yet I followed your recommendations and went with INVASION U.S.A. I think the deciding factor was that Drew Barnhardt told me it was “Norris’s DEATH WISH III.” And Drew loves DEATH WISH III, I don’t think he’d throw that comparison out there lightly. He would be completely aware of all its consequences and implications. (read the rest of this shit…)
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