coming March 30th

Hey, check out this book they got coming out. Sounds like it will be some sort of a collection of movie reviews and essays and what not. I don’t know about you but I will probaly order 100 copies, like most cool people will.

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55 Responses to “coming March 30th”

  1. And it comes out one day before my Birthday. :D

  2. Thats great Vern, can’t wait to read it.

  3. BTW, your headline says March 10th, but Amazon says March 30th.

  4. I’m gonna buy it either way, but is this all reprinted material from the sight like 5 On The Outside or is there any new stuff?

  5. Wow , didn’t see it coming!! Vern , I’ve got something to ask you.
    I don’t have Seagalogy , mostly because Italian regular mail sucks and I don’t trust home delivery ( I’ve tried ordering online only once , and I’ve lost 20 fucking Euros ). I know you’re proud of publishing actual paper books,and I obviously prefer them too , but have you considered PDF online ordering ? I purchased a couple of books this way and it’s fast and clean . Again , an actual paper copy of Seagalogy would be the crown jewel of my movie library ( right there with Giger Alien ) , but , still , PDF is better than nothing !! Please think about it!!

  6. Goes directly to my Wish List. Congratulations.

  7. Congratulations, Vern. This is now on my list.

    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I would *love* for you to do a book on the evolution of horror films from the 1970s up to the present. From the gritty 1970s, the slasher 1980s, the self-aware 1990s, and the “torture porn” 2000s. No one could do this subject like you could, Vern!


  9. The dialog box fuckd it up but that was supposed to be a massive YES! Congratulations Vern, have you finished writing it and it’s just getting manufactured, or are you still tweeking it here and there. Who’s going to write your forward this time? Have Harry give you Walter B’s email address, bring that whole thing full circle.

  10. “I don’t know about you but I will probaly order 100 copies, like most cool people will.”

    OMG vern, are you a scientologist?!?

  11. Patrick Stephenson

    July 10th, 2009 at 8:39 am

    This is awesome! Put out a book a year in my opinion. Thanks, bud.

  12. Patrick Stephenson

    July 10th, 2009 at 8:42 am

    Now I’m going to experience that conflicted, self-loathing hipster feeling. Having to suppress the urge to say “I knew Vern before you did!” to anyone who picks up on your writing henceforth. Fuck.

  13. WANT! This one’s coming straight to Venezuela, it’ll get lost in the mail, they’ll send me another one, and then it’ll be mine. Success!

  14. Now THAT’s a book title done right.

  15. Don’t forget to tell the publisher to release a Kindle version, vern!

  16. Awesome. I’m all over it. It’ll be promptly read and then displayed with my first edition of Seagalogy.

  17. Sneaky! Had know idea this was on the way. Great title. Much better than “Mellon Farmer” – no offence Majestyck.

  18. None taken. Just don’t tell Mister Falcon. That fucker is touchy.

  19. Fucking awesome, Vern. Already in my Amazon basket. Keep them coming!

  20. So is this another self published one, or is this one being put out by the same people who did the second run of Segalogy?

  21. Getting it.

  22. The story is that after I took my original version of Seagalogy out of print I wanted to self-publish another “best of” collection, a followup to 5 On The Outside. But Seagalogy did well enough that Titan was interested in publishing the collection. Because of that there is a little bit of overlap with 5 On The Outside, since the hope is that people who never heard of me will pick this up in bookstores. But I wrote so much after that one that most of what I wanted to use wasn’t in that one.

    Titan hasn’t talked to me about a forward, so I don’t know if we’re doing one or not. Also they get credit for the title. I don’t know about you guys but I really dig the cover they made and how it fits with their Seagalogy cover.

    Of course a collection of reviews by somebody you never heard of is gonna be harder to sell than “hey, funny book about Steven Seagal.” So if you can encourage any of your friends to pick it up please do. If it tanks it will be harder to get future books into bookstores, but either way I’ll keep getting them out there however I can.

    I definitely plan to write other scholarly all-new-material type books, but they’ll take longer. I have a bunch of ideas but right now I’m flailing around trying to see how I am at fiction.

  23. It will be a tough sell to get people who don’t know Vern to buy a bunch of writings on film where the only thing linking them together is the author. Like Vern said, a lot of the interest in Seagalogy was probably interest in the subject.

    The cover itself saying that book is about everything from Mary Poppins to Bruce Willis flicks might leave people not knowing what it is. I really liked 5 On The Outside. I took it to work and would read one review at a time on my breaks or whatever and I enjoyed the variety, but maybe a book with one subject, like a genre or something, would be more marketable. But whatever.

  24. YO!
    One copy goes to Germany Vern!
    Cant wait until March…

  25. Vern, you can count on another five-star review in Smooth Magazine from me as long as I’m still (somewhat) gainfully employed there. Just be sure to have your people send us the press kit. What are the odds of my review getting quoted in the “Praise for the author” pages of Yippe Kay-Yay Moviegoers? Because that would be a supreme honor.

  26. congratulations vern! this’ll be my surefire birthday/hannukah/christmas/etc… present for everyone i know.

  27. I will purchase this immediately, on one condition, Vern. Tell me you spare at least a page to discuss Yojimbo. If you don’t then I’m afraid I will purchase it only semi-immediately (or faster, you know, if I see it in town).

  28. Also, also, Mr. Published Writer, will your latest work be coming out March 30th everywhere? Amazon.co.uk isn’t giving away anything release-date related.

  29. you sneaky bastard. didn’t expect another one so soon.
    i’ll be picking this up, as would anyone who knows what’s good for ’em.

  30. Oh snap, according to Play.com this is ‘Due for release on 23/10/2009’ in the UK.


    Please tell me the magical internet guessing machine is not wrong there, Vern. I want.

  31. That’s great that you’ve got a good relationship with Titan. I take it Segalogy was a good seller.
    It’s great to see years of hard work paying off. I mean, I’m sure you’re not getting rich or anything but you’re getting the acclaim you deserve and you’ve found an audience.

    I know that you’re a very private person, but you’ve got one of the most interesting stories of anyone out there. Have you given thought to any kind of a memoir?

    Also, assuming there’s a forward. You’ve got a pretty good petigree so far; Guillermo, David Gordon Green, any thoughts for who’s next.
    What if it were Steven Segal!

  32. Christian Brimo

    July 10th, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    man I love books like this! I will buy it and put it on the shelf with my Jo Bob Briggs and Ebert books, where it will no doubt fight
    oh and Nathan Rabin, the guy who does My Year Of Flops over at the Onion AV Club, just got a memoir out. yay!

  33. I hate to come off as a penny pincher, but can we get some sort of price break at 100 copies? You know, what with the economy and such. Congratulations dude, this is very good news indeed. And keep on flailing at the fiction. It’s harder to get used to, but it’s worth it. So proclaims an unpublished writer of fiction.

    P.S. 5 on the outside is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.

  34. Hey Vern, is there going to be any new content in it not found on this website? I am a long-time follower of your writings, but I don’t seem to remember a place on your website where you succinctly put together all your thoughts on badass cinema, but rather I sort of formulate your ideas on badassery piecemeal through various segments of your reviews. I think I remember even in your original reviews of the Die Hard movies, you didn’t write so much about the inner workings of badass movies, the place of Bruce Willis in cinema, etc. until well afterward in other places.

    I’m just wondering if it’s a collection of past essays, how you’re tying it all together to coherently form your views on badass cinema… or do I have to wait to read it to find out? :P

  35. Vern.. lent my copy of Seagalogy to five friends… each of whom read it cover to cover, and then bought their own copy. We’ve been working through his entire filmography since then (although the fucker makes films so fast its hard to keep up with him). None of these were people who cared in the slightest about Seagal before they started reading.

    Your style may not be the easiest sell in the world, but I think when people become a fan, they become a fan for life. If there’s any justice in the world, this collection will do just fine. And yeah, that cover is fuckin rad.

  36. I’ll definitely be picking this up. I don’t mind spending money if it means you’ll be able to eat that week vern!

    I only have one friend and I lent him Segalology and he loved it. He’s poor so he’s unable to purchase a copy of his own.

    I was reading a recent Time magazine issue at work today (the cover story was about how not to get sick or something) and they (mini) reviewed your book. Sure they brush it off as a complete joke and then make the obvious “Segal sucks! Ha ha I’m so funny I even came up with that all by myself” joke.

    But still you got mentioned Time. Congratulations.

  37. I’ve been reading your stuff since 1999 (I think) and have yet to pick up one of your books.

    I really need to remedy that.

    Congrats on this new one!

  38. Don’t worry, Vern…your day is coming.

    As in success (not a death threat.). Can’t wait for the book!! I’m gonna pre-order it!

  39. O Goncho: Yojimbo is indeed represented in the Yojimbo/Fistful/Last Man Standing triple feature review. The March date should be right, they just told me it got moved up.

    Snotty: If you saw 5 On the Outside it’s like that, a collection of reviews organized by subject. So there’s a chapter full of obscene reviews, one about Bruce Willis, etc. It’s a best-of review book but I wrote new intros to the chapters and an essay about Bruce Willis. I do hope to some day write a book with all my theories on badass cinema, but this isn’t that yet.

    geoffreyjar: Wait a minute, what? Time Magazine? How did that happen? Anybody have a copy of that, I didn’t know about it.

  40. Hey Vern, as a copyeditor, I must request that you have the publisher insert a comma between “Ki-Yay” and “Moviegoer!” That would be awesome.

  41. Congratulations on the second book, I’ll be sure to pick it up.

    As for the mention in Time, you were called out by David Cross in the ‘Short List’ feature, where each week a different celebrity lists five things that they’re into. Full text:

    Seagalogy by Vern is a nearly 400-page book that analyzes the plots and meanings of every Steven Seagal film made, including the straight-to-DVD nonsense that has defined this tragic clown’s output since the early-aughts. It’s as enlightening as it is thorough.

  42. Uh oh! It looks like success is going to your head already!!

    I have to go into work today and while I’m there I’ll get the issue number and such and then when I get back I’ll relay it back to you.

  43. Yet another notch on your belt on your road to Outstanding Excellence. I plan to buy copies for everyone I know as a gift for Arbor Day.

  44. Geez, we’ve gotta wait almost a whole year??

    That’s okay, though — I’m sure it’ll be worth it. The cover art is cool as hell, so congratulations to the publisher on that. And BIG congratulations to you, Vern, for extending the length and breadth of your perspicacity as an observer and commentator on the films of cinema. You’re a national treasure! (Hope there’s something about James Bond in your new book.)

  45. If you want to see it for yourself it is the issue:

    June 22, 2009
    Volume 173
    Number 24

    Cover Story:
    “How to Not End Up Here”

    White background with a blue hospital bed.

    But Alex B has already told you everything that it said though.

  46. Well, a shout out by Cross is always nice. Then again, Vern pointed out Cross shitting on Seagal for ON DEADLY GROUND. Which means back-scratching and…


    Vern, you sold out! :)

  47. Love the cover

  48. You what kind of book you should really do next? A book about “geek favourites”. With reviews of the Star Trek/Wars movies, Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings. (That’s already 28 movies! I think that’s enough. Well, maybe add Indiana Jones, if you wanna add a few more.) You are the only un-geek I know, who is willing to give every kind of movie a fair chance, without being scared of pointing out their obvious flaws. So I think this might be a very interesting read.

  49. Ooh, that looks good, going to get me one of those.

  50. Holy shit, David Cross AKA Tobias Funke has read Seagalogy and given you a shout out? That’s awesome Vern.

  51. CJ Holden – That’s a GREAT idea! Maybe combined with Vern’s planned ramblings on the evolution of the Summer Blockbuster.

    Or hell, Vern’s whole thoughts on the 007 franchise, from Dr. NO to QUANTUM….sure he’s reviewed here and there (QOS, Royale, those two Bond flicks for that 007 fansite) so that’s what, 18 more reviews there?

  52. Oh and my suggestive title for CJ Holden’s proposed book: GEEK THEOLOGY

    You know, since those fucking nerds claim certain films are sacred, certain films are damned, all that untouchable mentality that AICN Talkback and CHUD boards enforce this side of Joseph Ratzenburgh aka the current Pope. You know, a Geek Theology.

  53. I propose a trilogy:

    Vern on Badass Cinema , Vern on Nerd Cinema, and Vern on DTV and B Cinema. All three are criminally neglected topics in the literature, and I hold that Vern is uniquely qualified to address each, complete with an original and wholly developed take on each one.

  54. A general comment for the proprietor of this site: I am fairly in awe. I read you from time to time on Ain’t It Cool and enjoyed your reviews, but I never came to the source until recently — maybe I just didn’t love Seagal enough (and still don’t, although Under Seige 2 is one of the most underrated sequels out there) or maybe I was just a little scared, the same way I was for years of the Velvet Underground, but now I love them, too. I’ve got to say that your writing is great, fresh, unique, and honest, everything one looks for in commentary. Really solid gold stuff, please keep it up, I see myself as a frequent visitor from here on out.

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