Osmosis Jones

This here is one of these live action/cartoon action combos. The live action portion is a story about Bill Murray gets sick from eating a dirty egg. The cartoons is represented by a story about a white blood cell cop (with the voice of Chris Rock) who teams up with Buzz Lightyear to fight off a virus in a city inside Bill Murray.

This is one of those clever ideas where it woulda took a normal person about five minutes to realize that wait a minute, this ain’t clever enough for hundreds of people to spend a year of their lives working on it. And it DEFINITELY ain’t clever enough for millions of innocents to sit through for 90 minutes. But the people of Warner Brothers Studio, Hollywood USA, they are not normal people. So they spent millions on this loser of an idea.

Okay, so the stomach is an airport, and the mouth is kind of like the docks, and viruses are criminals, and a flu shot is an informant, etc. They put some good thought into figuring out all this cleverness but then how are we supposed to invest ourselves in the characters of a cell and a pill? You have to because there’s not much humor in the cartoon parts except for puns like on the flinstones, except instead of having to do with rocks they have to do with bodily functions. Like the mayor is named Mayor Phlegming, etc.

Osmosis JonesI got an idea for you fellas, how about a movie called Laundry Matt. It’s about a sock named Matt who is looking for his lost twin brother. And all the different articles of clothing are people. And also the lint balls. There could be jokes about bras and panties too. Wouldn’t that be hilarious? Ha ha ha. What a charming and clever idea for a movie!

No. It’s not. That was a trick question. Show some fucking restraint. You gotta WAIT until you got a GOOD idea for a movie, before you start making it. That’s the whole trick of it, in my opinion. And white blood cells is NOT a good idea, even if you get a black dude to do the voice, and then it’s funny because he says he’s white. That’s not a good enough idea. You were supposed to wait.

To be fair, the live parts done by the Hughes brothers or somebody are kinda funny. They are real disgusting so little boys might like it, I guess. I just feel bad for all the cartoonists wasting their lives away on a feature length cavity creeps movie. It almost makes you nostalgic for those disney cartoons with all the singin and fartin.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 10th, 2001 at 2:06 am and is filed under Cartoons and Shit, Comedy/Laffs, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

14 Responses to “Osmosis Jones”

  1. I don’t know, man, Laundry Matt sounds awesome.

  2. I like how this was pretty much the last “mainstream” movie Bill Murray did before disapearing into indieland

    and I too think Laundry Matt sounds awesome

  3. I still think that this movie is seriously underrated. Most people seem to focus only on the gross out gags and overlook all the cool stuff, like the fun buddy cop movie parody/homage and the exciting showdown!

  4. I thought it was alright too, but granted it’s been a long time since I’ve seen it

  5. Wow Vern I am so happy about SNEAKS, but not truly happy unless you legit are happy. This is normally not something I would say but I think you should sue those SNEAKS-y fools for every dollar that LAUNDRY MATT deserves! Also I hereby would like to offer this joke in follow up to my previous joke of THE LAUNDRY MATT from some months ago; THE SNEAKS.

    A very sincere fan of the Laundry Matt intellectual property (copyright Vern, I am not kidding about that) since day one,

  6. How will the folding ceremony (first drafted in the ROBOTS review I believe) be rewritten to accommodate the new vision? Will the sneaks of SNEAKS be boxed?

  7. “Osmosis” is yet another entry in the unending series of atrocious, inept US plagiarisms of our original creations – this one being, of course, a larcenous copy of the famous, beloved classic “Il Etait Une Fois… La Vie”.

  8. Was it an interracial buddy cop movie about blood cells? Well, doesn’t matter. You are welcome to claim OSMOSIS JONES.

  9. Barille – I adored this show when I was a kid. Curious to see if it holds up today so I can show it to my kids.

  10. Great, now I have the German theme song of that show in my head.

  11. Is Barille an actual family member of the late Albert Barillé or just a big fan?
    Anyway, Vern, no, it was an educational cartoon about human biology, but it did have white blood cells as sci-fi cops patrolling a body and fighting anthropomorphic diseases.

  12. I apologize – I thought Barille was making some sort of national claim to the concept, I wouldn’t have made light of it if I knew they might’ve been connected to the creation of it. If it makes you feel better, it sounds like people fondly remember your show, which is not the case with OSMOSIS JONES. It wasn’t even liked at the time.

  13. …I like OSMOSIS JONES…

  14. I guess “no American distributor wanted to buy the rights to ONCE UPON A TIME… LIFE, but an American studio made that fucking OSMOSIS JONES instead” is still a sore point for the Barillé family no matter how critically and commercially successful Albert Barillé’s shows were in Europe. But really it’s not like OSMOSIS JONES erased ONCE UPON A TIME… LIFE from people’s memories.
    Were other Barillé productions plagiarized maybe? Is there an American animated movie for little kids that shows the complete destruction of planet Earth by nuclear fire to Bach’s Toccata and Fugue?

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