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Battle of the Year 3D trailer

This is a blog (short for web-log) post about the trailer for BATTLE OF THE YEAR 3D. The movie is not about the type of battles that are in the movies I normally write about here, but bear with me.

Whether you know it or not, you are anxiously awaiting my review of STEP UP REVOLUTION. I’m working on it, but I saw this trailer before the movie and I had to share it with you guys right away. At first I was just laughing because it’s a dance movie following a sports movie formula, so the characters keep talking about “the sport” of breakdancing. That is a very anti-STEP UP attitude. Dancing is an art, right? W the F.

But as I kept watching I realized something else. See if you pick up on it too:


You catch that? The unorthodox, highly disciplinary coach who has the uphill battle of whipping the U.S. team into shape. The guys on the team who don’t get along and get into a fight and have to work it out to unite the team. The blond female expert who’s brought in and everybody scoffs at her femaleness but she shuts them up because she’s awesome. Going to nationals to compete against the Koreans. But look at the footage of them! They’re impossible to beat!

You see what this is? This is motherfuckin BEST OF THE BEST! Except with breakdancing! Whichever character is Eric Roberts better dislocate his shoulder during the battle and yell at somebody to “POP IT! POP IT!!!” And hopefully one of the guys is dancing for revenge against the one-eyed Korean who killed his brother in a previous dance.

I’m not joking, this is kind of amazing how much it fits the template. It’s not credited as a remake though, I checked just to be sure. I guess it’s more of a POINT BREAK/THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS type of situation, except even weirder, because they changed subcultures but not genres. Surfing to drag racing is not as big a leap as karate to breakdancing.

That reminds me of a movie idea I had earlier in the day: POINT BREAKIN’. You know, a cop goes too deep undercover in a gang of dancing bank robbers. I don’t even gotta write it out because you can picture the whole thing. Copyright Vern 2012. Send money.

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27 Responses to “Battle of the Year 3D trailer”

  1. Ha, that’s awesome!
    Two other, less important things that I noticed: Josh Holloway aged a lot since LOST ended and that fat kid from DRAKE & JOSH gets skinnier every year. I guess by 2015 he might be invisiblel.

  2. Yeah, that could be pretty funny. I love the idea that a great coach can coach any sport, regardless of whether or not he has any knowledge of the tactics or strategies of it. Too bad they had to put Chris Brown in there and guarantee I’ll never be able to stomach watching it. I can sometimes overlook the shameful personal life of a great artist with a body of solid work behind him, but a sub-Timberlake Usher wannabe who seems to take an obstinate pride in beating (and biting) his girlfriend for catching him cheating on her? He’s toxic to everything he touches. I can’t abide even looking at him.

  3. Laughed out loud at the “THREE-D!” huddle break. Gosh, these fictional characters seem so excited about the tired gimmick that lands their film in the Netflix-at-best pile!

    It might be for the best that this is following a template. The director made a doc a few years back on the real world breakdance tournament. It had its moments because of the subject, but as a movie it felt scattered and didn’t gel. Even though the true-life factor’s going to be lost here, the overall impact might be more stronger. Especially since they’ve got the opportunity to choreograph for the camera.

  4. Majestyk – Yeah, that might keep me away from it too. The thing that bothers me is that he seems to have become more successful because of his woman-beating. Before he was some kid that was popular on BET, but his true crossover moment was choking his more famous girlfriend on the way to an awards show. The guy sucked anyway and then he starts being treated as a serious artist because of his “struggle.” Fuck that guy. I feel like going to his movies supports him continuing to profit off of his bullshit.

    Li – I thought they said “3D” too, but on second viewing I think it’s actually “Dream Team,” which IMDB lists as the subtitle of the movie. “3D!” would be better, though.

  5. Poor Josh Holloway. I love him in Lost and wanted him to break out of it in some way. Instead, he’s stuck working with Chris goddamn Brown, and regardless of his obscene popularity that’s undeniably bottom barrel. That guy needs to just go away.

    Also, Vern, I AM intensely aware how anxiously I am awaiting your Step Up Revolution review, and the film itself. Here’s hoping it trumps 3. I doubt it.

  6. I mean Brown should go away. Not Sawyer. Sawyer should definitely. He was good in his 30 second spot in M:I:4.

  7. ‘Definitely not go away’. Damn. Failing at the internet tonight.

  8. No kidding, but Best of the Best was on tv today. That is the fourth or fifth time I’ve read a review or mention of an obscure or older flick, only to have it show up magically within a day or two on my tv. Vern must have mystical powers.

  9. Naw, they have to be saying “3D!”, because why else would they throw their hands into the camera? Every extra-3D moment would be enhanced by a group of jocks shouting “3D!” in the background.

  10. Jeez I must be getting old. When I was a kid, breakdancing tended to involve hip hop, black people and um… dancing. This just looks like all male mormon cheerleading or something.

  11. Man, that does look awesome. But for all the wrong reasons, of course. I heard a “3D” too, and that was def the biggest laugh. Whenever I see a trailer for a dance movie, I’m reminded of C ME DANCE, a Christian morality tale/dance movie (I think) about a girl dancing against Satan or something. One of the guys popping up in the trailer looks like Anthony LaPaglia, so that’s something I guess. Never got around to seeing C ME DANCE, and I guess I’ll end up skipping BATTLE OF THE YEAR 3D too, but who knows, maybe some day I’ll have a marathon viewing of both! C ME DANCE TRAILER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-7TM3Udip4

  12. “Dream team” or not, this clip inspired me. I’m going to inwardly yell “THREE D!” at every comin’-at-ya trailer shot.

    Speaking of which, it’s more of a forum thing, but how about that new Skyfall spot?

  13. Wait, this has Josh Peck in it? Sold.

    Re: the Chris Brown situation. Honestly, I can’t fucking stand that creepy sociopath, but I’m definitely able to separate the art from the artist. I don’t like his music because I think it sucks, not because of anything he did in his personal life.

    I still watch Roman Polanski movies. I love THE NAKED GUN even though it co-stars OJ Simpson. I don’t hold Mel Gibson’s awful behavior against his movies. Alfred Hitchcock was a fucked up dude who did some fucked up things to Tippi Hedren. Honestly, if I couldn’t enjoy art/movies made by shitty people, I’d probably have to give most of the things I love.

  14. Yeah, but when a person’s art sucks as much as he does, it kind of makes you hate him extra, doesn’t it?

  15. Eh, not really. And even if it did, I wouldn’t let it stop me from checking something of theirs out if I was genuinely interested in it.

  16. But don’t you think Chris Brown’s career benefited from being in tabloids for beating up a woman? I feel that it definitely did. In fact, I doubt he would be in this movie or anybody would know his name if he had just peacefully gone to that awards ceremony. That’s why I see it as different. All of those other people you mention are talented people who made good work for years and then did something bad. This is a guy who sucked and then did something bad and continued to suck but with headlines about everything he does feeding his album sales and keeping him famous enough to be in movies despite not being an actor.

  17. I don’t know, I mean wasn’t he already pretty famous before he beat up Rihanna? I mean, I was already familiar with a handful of his songs before that happened, and I don’t even really listen to the radio or keep up with popular music.

    I don’t really follow entertainment news much either, but I guess my sense was this was more like a Michael Jackson situation, he was popular enough that something awful like this couldn’t really hurt his career (even though in this case, his awful deed was irrefutably true and not simply a horrifying allegation). But even if he did somehow benefit from this, again, it has no bearing on how I feel about his art and it wouldn’t stop me from experiencing something just because of his participation. It just seems hypocritical to me that if I’m willing to look the other way on the awful shit artists I like do, to then turn around get all holier-than-thou on Chris Brown and take a moral stand against his music, just because I thought it sucked to begin with.

    I’m sure there is a hypothetical line that an artist could cross that would cause me to write them off forever, but I haven’t yet seen it.

  18. Chris Brown definitely benefited from putting his girlfriend in the hospital. He used to be just another R&B prettyboy. Pretty famous, yeah, but hardly the household name he is now. Shit, he’s arguably more famous than she is. He’s got a Grammy and legions of fans all but saying Rihanna had it coming.

    You almost have to hand it to his team, if what they did wasn’t so deplorable. Left with what should have been the PR nightmare of Rihanna’s battered face plastered on every screen and newspaper in the world, they had him do what can only be described as the most successful heel turn in history. His nice guy image forever shattered, they instead turned him into the abusive boyfriend of every no-self-esteem-having girl’s dreams. Rather than begging for forgiveness, he stood defiant and acted like everyone else had the problem. And it worked. It’s the same shit Bush did when they didn’t find any WMDs. Never admit you’re wrong and eventually weak people will confuse your belligerence for integrity.

    So yeah, that kind of shit kind of makes it hard for me to get in the mood to watch some inspirational dancey bullshit. I’m not standing on principle here. I just don’t want to look at the evil little bitch.

  19. Can anyone think of any other examples of an artist/celebrity’s career actively benefitting from something deplorable they did? I can’t think of any other examples.

    Hypothetical question: what if an artist you loved benefitted from something terrible they did? How would you feel about that?

  20. I mean…Biggie sold crack to a pregnant woman?

  21. I think that many Hip-Hop types have been able to spin personal controversy into record sales because, unlike other genres, the main character in most rap songs is understood to be the rapper himself. As such, there is a feeling of added, ‘authenticity’ when you see stupid, thuggish behavior from some of these guys.

    Chris Brown was a squeaky clean, teenage heart throb pretty boy whose record sales were beginning to decline as he moved into manhood. He was already looking to break out of his tween appeal when he assaulted Rhianna. He just took that outlaw status and ran with it. He now had real credibility as a tough guy or bad boy. He cashed in on that by paying lots and lots of money to Weezy and Busta (Longer more complex verses cost more, right? I mean, there’s no way Weezy and Busta just felt like putting in the extra work just ’cause, right?) for a legitimately great track where he basically announced himself as a gangsta’ type. Without the beating, Brown would never be accepted in this new role. I really think that he was *only* able to enter this new stage of his career because of his domestic abuse.

  22. Yeah, I just looked it up. Brown was signed to Jive at 15, released his first album at 16 and went double platinum. He was known mostly as a pretty face and a dancer more than as a talented artist. He second album came out when he was 18. It also sold 2 million copies. His third album came out when he was 21, it only sold 350k.

    He was dead in the water before the beating.

    Unless he invested his personal money in it, no way would a record label invest the 6-figure paydays for *each* of the guest spots on a single for an artist whose last album sold 350k. Seriously, “Look at me Now” is a great song. It’s really, really well done. I have no idea if the hook is a sample or original, but assuming that it’s original or an interpolation rather than a true sample, that song still cost 500k, easy. The beat, by Diplo and Afrojack, could have been 80-100k. It was a really, really hot beat, however, so it could have been even more. I don’t know if Diplo had a real relationship with Brown in the past. That could make a difference. But if they weren’t friends, Diplo and Afrojack are looking at a beat that could potentially be their biggest ever, but if they give it to Brown, maybe no one will even listen to it. Realistically, that 80k beat could have cost 200k because of his negative fame. Weezy will pretty much do crossover tracks with anyone, but he’s usually on autopilot. He clearly spent more time writing his verse for this track than he did on the whole of Carter IV. He can usually command 100k for a full verse, he did a 32 bar here instead of 16 and brought fire. Busta probably doesn’t normally get 100k per guest track, but he also doesn’t do a ton of cosigns these days, so it kinda means something that he’s on the track. He also did a 32 bar, but the way he writes, it could have been a 50 bar. I bet he got 100k+ for this track. And then there was the expensive music video.

    I don’t mean to just throw numbers at ya’ll. I just find it interesting that immediately after the felony assault case, someone invested at least a million dollars in just this one song for Brown (if you include the video in costs). It could have been that he put his own money up to save his career, in which case, good move, but it looks like someone in the record labels marketing department clearly saw Rhianna’s face and thought, *cha-ching!* and they were right too.

  23. Kim Kardashian is pretty famous for just existing. I find that pretty deplorable, so does that count?

  24. you know I will Kim Kardashian one thing, she’s pretty hot, she’s a terrible, terrible person, but at least she’s nice to look at (unlike say Paris Hilton)

  25. At least Paris Hilton has that whole David LaChapelle link to tie her to the art world. Kim? Her dad was one of OJ’s defense lawyers.

    Somehow Kim is famous for her sex tape and yet she’s a total dead fuck.

    I wrote a review of Kim K. Superstar years ago when Collider had an ‘adult’ section. It’s just a terrible porno. Like, seriously, it’s the worst porno I’ve ever seen. There is about 7 minutes of sex in the whole thing. And it’s terrible sex. Then, they digitally zoom in on the image and play the audio out of sync in order to make it look like there is more sex. But really, you’re mostly just watching the footage, then the footage mirrored, then the footage digitally zoomed, then the footage with the wrong audio over it. Like 4 times in a row.

    And the sex that there is…yeesh. Kim is just laying there. She’s a sex symbol and all, but she seems pretty shitty at actual sex.

  26. Dan Prestwich – How about Mike Tyson? Convicted of and did time for rape, then made millions being promoted as “the baddest man on the planet”

    I can’t think of any examples in the arts field however

  27. Tyson never recaptured his former glory after going to jail, though, so while it didn’t kill his career, it didn’t help it, either.

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