Attention people who like being creative to try to win some free shit: It’s your ol’ pal Vern here to tell you about an INCREDIBLE OFFER! Like they did a few years ago to promote my acclaimed film studies book Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal, my esteemed publishers Titan Books have put together a video-making contest to promote my new one. They would like to be entertained by your videos and in exchange they will give one of you knuckleheads a free video game machine + video game, and five others the far superior runner up prize of my new book Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer!: Writings on Bruce Willis, Badass Cinema and Other Important Topics. To be more specific about the video game machine, it’s a choice between “Xbox Elite” or “PS3 Slim,” whatever the hell that means. You guys remember Asteroids? Anyway who cares, obviously you’re going for the book.
So here’s what you gotta do: make a short video that is a tribute to badass cinema. The official rules say “For instance, you can homage the demise of a bad guy, an iconic fight sequence, action hero one liners or anything else you feel falls under this category.” I’ll be the judge, so I’ll try to choose a good one. With the Seagalogy contest I was picky about certain Seagalogical guidelines, but this is a much broader category. Just be awesome. Unleash your inner Charles Bronson, Bruce Willis, Brian Bosworth or etc. THIS is the Youtube group where you post the videos. Check the OFFICIAL RULES (HERE) for all the specifics. Unfortunately due to the damn red tape the contest can only be open to US residents. I swear it’s not some xenophobic bullshit – Titan Books is in London, and I personally believe that all men are brothers. That’s just the rules the Man puts down for holding contests. Sorry about that guys, I wish everybody could enter. Also, this isn’t in the official rules, but I’m asking that you please not break your hand steering a monster truck as the winner of the Seagalogy contest did:
I was really surprised and impressed by how many great entries we had for that one, so I look forward to seeing what you come up with. If you don’t want to expend the effort though I’m sure video game machines are available to purchase in video game machine stores, and the book will be available April 27th for dirt cheap. It’s a 420 page collection of my best reviews and essays from over the years, and I’m not saying it’s the very best film book ever written, but I am saying that it will almost definitely save your life and get you laid (statement not evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration). Listen to what the reviews of my reviews have to say:
Tim Walker of The Independent says, “I reckon it’s up there with Lane’s brilliant 2002 anthology, Nobody’s Perfect.” Marcel Leroux of Smooth Magazine says, “Whether he’s getting challenged to a wrestling match by an angry director, skewering modern society’s lowered standards in his classic Transformers review, or asserting that Mary Poppins is hot but kind of crazy, he has a way of making you look at movies — and life — in a whole new light.”
Bob Etier of blogcritics says, “If you are offended by street language or obscenity and base descriptions of human activities, you will be offended by Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer.”
So obviously you need it on your bookshelf and your curriculum. Thanks everybody. Have fun and be safe. And anybody who complains that the contest is too hard or that there should be a different prize is a bonafide weiner.
Originally posted at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/44778
View the archived Ain’t-It-Cool-News Talkback
April 22, 2010, 11:48 a.m. CST
I’m Canadian. Fail.
by Stuntcock Mike
I already pre-ordered the book.
April 22, 2010, 11:50 a.m. CST
I want this book
I read Segalogy on the way to work and got looked at funny cos I was laughing so much.
April 22, 2010, 11:57 a.m. CST
Dude that was yesterday.
April 22, 2010, 11:59 a.m. CST
“it will almost definitely save your life”
by Kevin Holsinger
You know how in some movies, a person gets shot in the torso, and the bullet gets stopped by something small like a book (think “Sleepy Hollow”)?
Well, if you’re going to trust your life to a small, improbably bulletproof object, let it be “Yippee Ki Ay Moviegoer”.
Best endorsement I could come up with on short notice. Wittier suggestions welcome.
April 22, 2010, noon CST
“yay”, not “ay”
by Kevin Holsinger
April 22, 2010, 12:09 p.m. CST
Somebody tried to quit me…
That made me laugh.
April 22, 2010, 12:21 p.m. CST
And while we are at it: Read Vern’s Kick-Ass review!
Over at outlawvern.com!
April 22, 2010, 12:27 p.m. CST
Damn it sucks we non-usa residents cannot enter the competition
But i will definitely buy both books.Vern I knew about Seagalogy but i didnt know that you wrote a new book.cool.
April 22, 2010, 12:52 p.m. CST
“I’ll toss your salad…and grope your tits!”
Still, that video was freaking hilarious. Kudos!
April 22, 2010, 3:39 p.m. CST
so the prizes are…
by Nemesis Enforcer
A top notch video game system that plays blue ray movies, or a failed heater….
April 22, 2010, 4:22 p.m. CST
That vid didn’t start well but had a great finish
by George Newman
April 22, 2010, 4:22 p.m. CST
They crushed a vehicle to win a book
by George Newman
April 22, 2010, 5:46 p.m. CST
Is Serbian Film the sequel to that vid?
April 22, 2010, 5:48 p.m. CST
I keep on forgetting to check Vern’s site
Now that it’s no longer at geocities. I guess I’ll buy that book and see what I’ve been missing out on. Vern may be a badass scholar, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a sweet guy. He even wrote an epic explanation for including a couple of Amazon links to Clint Eastwood DVDs on his “sight.” Buy his book!
April 23, 2010, 4:53 a.m. CST
Here’s the video I made for Seagalogy:
Didn’t win anything, but had fun making it! Even if you think it’s shit, you have to applaud the amount of Steven Seagal references I put in there! I promise my entry for this one will be better! I’ve learned a lot since then!
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April 27, 2010, 3:23 p.m. CST
Vern’s contest will change your life
After my friends and I won Vern’s last contest, the heavens themself split open and money showered down on us . . . granted it was fifteen cents and Jack has still got a slight ringing in his ears from the concussion. It was life-altering none the less. Enter your movie and you too could be the proud owner of a youtube account full of homemade cinematic gold . . . and fifteen cents (wear a helmet).
As proof of these outrageous claims here is Killing Time complete with credits and Seagal himself singing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vlXvd3lwh0
Filmcatastrophe – “Small movies, small slogan.”
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VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.