Okay, so I was wrong about there being a new president chosen by the time you read LAST week’s column. I was wrong about all this politics shit being over with. So sue me. I didn’t know this was how it went down these days all right.
But I can’t help but get a kick out of all this. As a Writer and Poet I am a believer in metaphors. Somebody told me that there was no better metaphor for the political process today than the state of Minnesota choosing a professional wrestler as their governor. They trust ANYBODY more than a politician, even somebody whose job is pretend fighting. Some other great candidates would be an inflatable sex doll, a crash test dummy, a scarecrow, a stunt double, a celebrity lookalike. I wonder if Bruce Li is an american citizen?
Well this election shows that disillusion on a national level. I’m sure a few jackasses will interpret this to mean that America is more divided than ever. But I think it shows that we are all united in our lack of passion for either of these corporate financed motherfuckers. (read the rest of this shit…)
This week friends ol’ Vern has a few things he has to get off his chest. A little bitchin and moanin is what I gotta do. So let me run through a few of these points about how, you know, everything is all a bunch of horse shit, etc.
Well here it is Halloween already and fuck if I’ve got into the spirit of the thing. I tried buying a compact disc of John Carpenter’s score to the movie Halloween and I put it on driving around in the pouring rain. And I try to picture that white masked bastard jumping out of nowhere onto my car right when the keyboards do their little electric BYYYOOOOOOO sound and okay, I’m halfway there. But other than that, I mean I got no pumpkins, I got no costume, I got shit.
big spoiler in this old review
INTRODUCTION
Sometimes at my age a fella has to admit he’s not exactly up on things. Not exactly with it. Specially when it seems like every other weekend I’m writing a review for a sequel to some movie where I never even saw the first one. Hell I never even HEARD of the first one half the time how the fuck I’m supposed to seen it already. Cut me some slack buddy.
Well chances are by now you motherfuckers’ve heard about the new hit comedy Meet the Parents. This movie is sweeping the nation. All the sudden everybody loves to laugh. It is the new big thing. People are telling their friends about it. “This is a picture where you laugh.” There is already talk of a sequel even though, I mean how in fuck do you do a sequel to this picture. You can’t.
Well the votes are in. We got like 11 or so experts on the films of Badass Cinema rating over 300 quality Badass pictures. We got these points all added up and averaged and what not to determine their true Badass quality levels. The mathematicals are all calculated and tabulated something fierce. And what better way to celebrate the 50th VERN TELL’S IT LIKE IT IS column than with the long awaited list of the 100 Most Badass Movies of All Fucking Time?
So the big movie right now is Almost Famous. A nicely crafted ’70s epic about a 15 year old kid named William who writes music reviews, and ends up having Rolling Stone magazine foot the bill for him to go on tour with a major rock band, to write an article. Written and directed by Cameron Crowe, for whom most of this shit REALLY went down, it is obviously a movie that is very close to his heart.
This was my final destination for VERN’S DOCUMENTARY WEEK, the BBC series that got so much attention a few months back when it played on the discovery channel. But who the fuck watches discovery channel, how was I supposed to know.
