"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Alien: Romulus

The first part of ALIEN: ROMULUS, after the prologue and as we’re being introduced to the characters and their situation, is about as transportive as I can ever expect from a sci-fi movie. The look and sound are stunning, and the sense of being thrown into a world that actually exists somewhere is overwhelming. Rain (Cailee Spaeny, PRISCILLA) and her brother Andy (David Jonsson) live on the mining colony Jackson’s Star. It’s a place that gets literally no sunlight, it’s crowded and dirty, and many of the workers (including their parents) die from some futuristic equivalent of black lung.

Today’s a big day, though – the day she thinks she can get a travel pass to sunny Yvago. Well, sorry, they tell her. The quotas have changed, she owes Weyland-Yutani more hours, another 5-6 years, approximately. Tough luck, kid. That’s Jackson’s Star for you. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 19th, 2024 | 66 Comments »

The People’s Joker

Do you know about THE PEOPLE’S JOKER? It’s an unauthorized, extremely D.I.Y. riff on DC Comics about a trans woman Joker/Harley Quinn combo (director/co-writer/editor Vera Drew) trying to make it as a comedian in Gotham City. I may not have ever known about it if not for it somehow premiering at the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival before receiving a firmly worded letter from Warner Brothers. After many cancelled screenings they somehow convinced the evil corporation that it was fair use/parody, the movie got a limited theatrical release and now it’s on VOD and on blu-ray and DVD from Altered Innocence. For THE PEOPLE!

I think the main reason it has lived beyond that initial grabbing of headlines is that beneath the gimmick and the many layers of goofiness it’s a very heartfelt autobiographical story about, among other things, coming of age as a trans woman. It’s dedicated “To Mom and Joel Schumacher,” and I strongly suspect that both the strained relationship with her mother (Lynn Downey) and the youthful confusion ignited by seeing Nicole Kidman in BATMAN FOREVER come from Drew’s real life. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 15th, 2024 | 20 Comments »

Twilight of the Warriors: Walled In

TWILIGHT OF THE WARRIORS: WALLED IN is the awkward title they ended up with for a movie that’s been in development for like 20 years (originally to be co-directed by John Woo and Johnnie To!) under the title KOWLOON WALLED CITY and DRAGON CITY and maybe some others. I’ve been waiting for it long enough that I already watched a movie called KOWLOON WALLED CITY on Hi-Yah! because I thought, “Oh shit – that finally came out!?” (That one was pretty fun too, I recommend it.)

This one is an event for many reasons, the main one for me being that it’s the latest from Soi Cheang, director of one of my favorite 21st century action movies, KILL ZONE 2, plus other movies I liked including SHAMO and MOTORWAY. The secondary reason is that he’s working with genius action director Kenji Tanigaki (RUROUNI KENSHIN, SAKRA), and the third is that one of the all time greats, Sammo Hung, plays a major character in it.

It’s the story of a refugee in Hong Kong named Lok (Raymond Lam, SAVING GENERAL YANG), who wins an underground fight trying to earn cash to buy a fake ID so he doesn’t get deported. The Triad boss running the fights, Mr. Big (Hung), is also the guy you go to for fake IDs, and when Lok turns down a job offer from him he gets screwed on that. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 14th, 2024 | 14 Comments »

The Little Rascals (plus Suburbia [1983])

August 5th, 1994

My friends, I hope you know me well enough to understand that I’m being sincere here, I’m not trying to show off with a wild take. The truth is I recently watched and enjoyed the movie THE LITTLE RASCALS. It kind of rules.

This was not an outcome I expected, or even considered. For the 30 years this movie has existed I’ve scoffed at it, assumed it was crap. Yes, it comes from director Penelope Spheeris, she of excellent punk rock documentaries. But I’m gonna have to pull out the Shaquille O’Neal “I wasn’t familiar with your game” quote here. I wasn’t showing the proper respect. I had some idea she lost it after WAYNE’S WORLD, because I thought BLACK SHEEP was kinda cheesy and all the rest seemed like things I wouldn’t like. I assumed this was some pablum for kids from an era where pablum for kids was extra bad. (See: 3 NINJAS KICK BACK.)

But here I am trying to watch most of the major movies of summer ’94, it was about the only situation where I was gonna give THE LITTLE RASCALS a shot, and almost immediately I realized I was probly gonna like it. It’s silly, it’s for kids, it might creep some people out by having children woo each other like they’re Popeye and Olive. But it made me laugh a whole bunch, it’s daring in the way it straight up does old Hal Roach shit and doesn’t try to conform to ‘90s expectations, it actually makes sense as part of the Spheeris filmography, and (most surprising to me) it’s artfully crafted. I guess mostly in the way that she could piece together a sensible movie with 95% of the cast being 5-7 year old non-actors, but also it’s a great looking movie! Credit to the transfer, which has a good level of film grain. I did not expect to watch THE LITTLE RASCALS 1994 and think “They don’t make ‘em like this anymore!” But here we are.

(read the rest of this shit…)

August 12th, 2024 | 21 Comments »

Airheads

August 5th, 1994

It seems kinda crazy now, but AIRHEADS was a movie I was excited for ahead of time. Other than a couple of bit parts, it was the first time I saw Steve Buscemi after RESERVOIR DOGS made him an icon. Adam Sandler was still on Saturday Night Live, his biggest movie role having been in THE CONEHEADS, so it seemed novel for him to be a co-star. And I wasn’t really familiar with Brendan Fraser so I hadn’t had a problem with any of his performances yet. More importantly, director Michael Lehmann’s HEATHERS is an important movie to me, he’d since done MEET THE APPLEGATES and HUDSON HAWK, both weird and interesting if not great, so he was a director I followed. And the premise of a rock band taking a radio station hostage to try to get their song played seemed like it had potential for, like, satire or something. I don’t know.

Then I saw it and forgot everything about it. I don’t think I was impressed, but I was sure now it would at least be more interesting as a time capsule. Yeah, I guess, arguably. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 8th, 2024 | 60 Comments »

Clear and Present Danger

August 3rd, 1994

More like CLEAR AND PRESZZZZzzzzzzz, am I right, guys?

Oh, am I wrong? Maybe I’m wrong. I’m not the best judge, because I’m a heathen when it comes to Jack Ryan. My dad loved Tom Clancy books, my wife and many of my friends consider THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER to be one of the all time greats, many people love this character, I just think that gene skipped me. But here we are most of the way through our revisit of the summer of ’94 and it feels like we’re low on traditional blockbusters, so I was kind of excited to see CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER. There are plenty of things to like about it, especially when discussing it, but unfortunately I found it mostly dull to watch compared to PATRIOT GAMES, which I somewhat enjoyed and respectfully labelled “Adult Contemporary Action.”

This, too, is for the older folks that want some of the fantasy of Exceptional Men Who Get Shit Done but without the classless excess of flying kicks or other cool shit. It begins by massaging the Adult Contemporary Action erogenous zones, showing people in uniforms operating various types of machinery on a submarine and a US Coast Guard vessel. The inciting incident is the Coast Guard boarding a suspicious yacht in the Caribbean and discovering its American businessman owner has been murdered by Colombians. Jack Ryan (Harrison Ford between THE FUGITIVE and SABRINA) is a CIA analyst who looks into it and discovers the American got offed by a cartel because he was laundering money for them and tried to embezzle some. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 7th, 2024 | 30 Comments »

Trap

TRAP is not only that style of rap where the beat sounds like a rattlesnake, it’s also the new M. Night Shyamalan joint, or “A NEW M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN EXPERIENCE,” as the poster puts it. It’s not one of his experiences that’s based around a big surprise, so don’t worry about that, but if by chance you don’t know the premise and would enjoy a silly thriller starring Boy Sweat Dave himself, Josh Hartnett, as a dorky dad taking his daughter to a concert, I recommend going in blind.

The rest of you may have seen the trailer, which gives us the first act reveal that Mr. Hartnett is here to finally fulfill his destiny as the dark-eyed nephew of Michael Myers (H20 timeline). As far as his kid Riley (Ariel Donoghue, BLUEBACK) knows he’s just Dad, Cooper Adams, who’s kind of embarrassing but she loves him and not just because he got her really good floor tickets to see her favorite singer Lady Raven (Saleka Night Shyamalan) to reward her for good grades. What she does not know is that he’s also the infamous serial killer known as The Butcher. And when he goes to the restroom he pulls out his phone to check the live feed of the guy he has chained up in a basement (Mark Bacolcol). (read the rest of this shit…)

August 6th, 2024 | 22 Comments »

Eat Drink Man Woman

August 3rd, 1994

Here’s a rare experience: I went 30 years of knowing the title EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN without even knowing exactly what the movie was about. As much as I love several of Ang Lee’s films I never went back and watched the ones that made him so well known. This is his third movie, after the international success of THE WEDDING BANQUET, but before his Hollywood breakthrough SENSE AND SENSIBILITY. To date it’s his only movie set in Taiwan, where he was born and raised.

It’s about three adult sisters and their widower father, an aging master chef who’s losing his sense of taste. And like so many of Lee’s films it’s about complicated family relationships, repressed emotions, secrets and longing.

Also it’s about cooking. It starts with Master Chu (Lung Sihung, EIGHT HUNDRED HEROES) preparing a complex meal for the family. Lots of meat (some of which we first see as live animals) but even for me it’s a beautiful sequence, the precision and ease with which he slices open a fish or dices an onion with his hatchet, the many items he drops into and lifts out of hot oils, the sauces he pours onto them, the delicate ways he folds together dumplings. They’re meticulous processes he must’ve performed hundreds or thousands of times over, all ingrained in his head and muscle memory. The sequence took more than a week to film, with the actor doubled by a real master chef, and it’s several minutes with no dialogue, just some traditional music (composer: Mader, IN THE SOUP) and the pleasing sounds of chopping, sizzling, pouring. He’s in the zone, and he’s at home, all alone, it’s not one of those stressful restaurant settings. It seems so peaceful. It’s for the love of it. (read the rest of this shit…)

August 5th, 2024 | 17 Comments »

Barcelona

July 29, 1994

BARCELONA is the second movie (and first studio movie) by writer/director Whit Stillman, following up on his Oscar nominated low budget debut, METROPOLITAN (1990). I love his 1998 film THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO, which is considered part of a loose trilogy with these two (and has some overlapping characters), but if I ever saw these other two it was a long time ago and I don’t really remember them. So I guess I’m going in backwards order.

Stillman is one of those true originals, he has his own thing that he does really well and nobody else is much like him. His movies are very light on plot, very heavy on dialogue, and almost entirely about self absorbed, Ivy League educated yuppie dorks, and yet I find the experience light and funny and not grating. This is in part because he also has a very distinct humor and tone and somehow gets these finely tuned performances that deliver it just right. One of his secret weapons is Chris Eigeman (unaired Red Dwarf USA pilot), who plays different characters in all of them, always with the absolute perfect wide-eyed sense of outrage at the stupidest shit. In LAST DAYS OF DISCO I highlighted when he got upset about someone’s interpretation of LADY AND THE TRAMP – in this one my favorite is when he sees anti-American graffiti and says “They’re calling us pigs. That’s meant to hurt!” (read the rest of this shit…)

August 1st, 2024 | 17 Comments »

It Could Happen to You / Black Beauty

July 29th, 1994

IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. But most likely it wouldn’t. This is the loosely-jumping-off-from-a-real-incident story of the NYPD’s most lovable officer Charlie Lang (Nicolas Cage, DEADFALL) coming up short for a tip at the diner, offering waitress Yvonne Biasi (Bridget Fonda, last seen in LITTLE BUDDHA) half of his Lotto ticket if he wins, then staying true to his word when he wins $2 million. They become a media sensation, there is romance, as well as “a scene of cop action” according to the current version of the MPAA’s PG rating.

Charlie has no dark side, he’s just a great guy who’s friends with all the people in the neighborhood, doesn’t seem to harass anybody on the job, does at one point foil an armed robbery while shopping. He’s very close with his partner Bo Williams (Wendell Pierce, A RAGE IN HARLEM), but his other best friend seems to be Jesu (Victor Rojas, later “Kid #2” in DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE), a neighbor kid he plays stickball with. His wife Muriel (Rosie Perez, NIGHT ON EARTH) is a vain and materialistic beautician who always yells at him in that Rosie Perez way. He doesn’t seem to mind, and Jesu says he’s “whipped.” (read the rest of this shit…)

July 31st, 2024 | 15 Comments »

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