About a month and a half ago I announced the Seagalogy Youtube contest put together by Titan Books. To promote my skull-shattering new book SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASSKICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL they wanted people to submit short videos “based on the principles of Seagalogy, the study of the ass-kicking films of Steven Seagal.” I know there was alot of whining in the talkback that the contest should be done by somebody else, to promote some other thing, with a different thing that you do, and different prizes to win. Fortunately, there were more than enough standup individuals who did enter the actual existing contest and I was very impressed by the high quality of their work. I honestly wish I could give everybody a prize, but you know the rules. One first prize and five runners up. So here I will present the winners and I hope you’ll watch their videos. (read the rest of this shit…)
Archive for the ‘Blog Post (short for weblog)’ Category
Taped For Justice: Vern Announces The Winners Of The SEAGALOGY Youtube Contest!
Monday, July 7th, 2008Vern wants you to Pay Homage to the Man With The Ponytail… Steven Seagal! And get a PLAYSTATION 3 for the effort!
Wednesday, May 28th, 2008WIN A PLAYSTATION 3 JUST BY PAYING TRIBUTE TO STEVEN SEAGAL
Which I imagine is something you guys do in your spare time anyway, so why not?
Hello friends, Vern here. As many of you know, I self-published a book last year called SEAGALOGY, which forever changed the lives of the couple hundred people who read it. If you have noticed any kind of improvement in the world or change in the essence of a man since then I think it is fair for me to take full credit. Well, on June 10th a new revised and updated edition of the book will come to book stores everywhere thanks to Titan Books, a fine British publisher also responsible for the greatest coffee table book I know of Click Here! Obviously an in-depth study of the films of Steven Seagal sells itself, but as a sign of respect for my mission the nice people at Titan decided to promote the book through the medium of contest. Basically what you have to do to enter is make a video paying tribute to what you like about Seagal. (read the rest of this shit…)
Vern Wants You To Check Out The Trailer With J.C.V.D. Starring In JCVD!!
Tuesday, March 11th, 2008
Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here. When confronted with an argument as well-mounted as Vern’s in this piece, one has little choice but to capitulate to whatever it is the person wants. Vern, I will watch this trailer. Now stop giving me those sad puppy dog eyes…
It’s hard for any actor to burn bright for their whole career. Most actors get old, washed up, maybe fat, they lose their sex appeal or they become too associated with a particular role or time period for mass audiences to take them seriously. Once they’ve hit that stage it’s only the very lucky ones that find a role that can change all that, reinvigorate their careers, make us see them in a new light and remember what we used to like so much about them. There was John Travolta in PULP FICTION. Josh Brolin in NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. Some of us might have thought Sylvester Stallone did that in ROCKY BALBOA or RAMBO. But what if you’re not exactly the greatest actor in the world, and are best known for kicking, doing the splits, and not wearing pants? For you, Jean-Claude Van Damme, it might be even harder. But I wish you luck. (read the rest of this shit…)
Vern’s Open Letter To Spike TV Re: BLADE: THE SERIES!!
Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
Merrick here…
The magnificent Vern asked us to pass this on. Please don’t make him sad… Here’s Vern…
Dear Spike TV,
What’s up bro. (I think that’s how you guys talk, right? You call each other bro. That’s the impression I get from your logo and your ads, bro.) My brothers, I am writing regarding the series BLADE: THE SERIES which, as I hope you are aware, is on your network. If you are not familiar with it I wrote a review of it a while back. [HERE]. (read the rest of this shit…)
Sooooo Long, Curtis!
Tuesday, December 28th, 1999
Father Geek here, a true genius is gone, too soon, CURTIS MAYFIELD has died. The man who penned one of my favorite soundtracks and in so doing influenced an entire genre of film music is no longer with us. I was just about to sit down and write a tribute to the man when the following arrived at Geek Headquarters and it is soooo complete that, well here’s what Vern has to say about the man who did as much as anyone to bring soul out of the getto and on to our motion picture screens…
Curtis Mayfield 1942-1999
Hello harry my name is Vern and to be frankly honest I have been reading your sight only for a little bit. But I have an excuse because I was out of the picture for a while and only this year started to explore the internet. Anyway point is I Wrote this piece for my column VERN TELL’S IT LIKE IT IS, but if you are willing to run it on your sight that would be even better. I would be honored if you would allow me to Write a few words about a genius who passed on from our world last Sunday, Mr. Curtis Mayfield. (read the rest of this shit…)
1. Patreon
Toss me a couple bucks a month, support the good shit, also get access to a bunch of exclusive writing. This is my primary source of writing money that has allowed me to cut down to part time at the day job. Thank you!
2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody
click here for my Amazon author page (NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)
EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.
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(I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)
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