NUTCRACKERS is a new David Gordon Green movie that went straight to Hulu. Since 2018 he’s directed four Blumhouse horror sequels (HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN KILLS, HALLOWEEN ENDS, THE EXORCIST: BELIEVER), at least three of them controversial/hated, plus 15 episodes of television. Personally I like his horror phase and wouldn’t mind if he kept going, but I’m also excited that he’s returned to standalone indie films.

Ben Stiller (NEXT OF KIN) stars as Michael Maxwell, an obnoxious Chicago real estate guy happy to tell you about the big deal he’s in the middle of or complain about the young guy Devon trying to steal it from him. Before he can get back to work he has to drive (in his yellow Porsche) to Wilmington, Ohio, he thinks to sign paperwork for his four nephews to be adopted after the death of his sister and her husband in a car accident. But as soon as he shows up the social worker (Linda Cardellini, CAPONE) tells him the foster family didn’t pass the background check so it’s on him to watch the kids until another one is found. Sorry dude.

It’s the usual joke that he’s uniquely unprepared to take care of some wild kids, but also it’s a particularly difficult case. They live on a small farm, he encounters various animals while tiptoeing through the messy house, the boys sneak around unseen until one appears on the roof in a creepy bunny mask like it’s a horror movie, they pretend for a while not to speak and keep throwing shit at him while he tries to do work on his laptop. He catches them doing donuts in his Porsche and has to talk them out of trying to jump it off a skateboard ramp over the swimming pool and onto a trampoline. Also they just got to sex ed in their home schooling.

Yeah, it’s got that BAD NEWS BEARS, SIX PACK sort of spirit. There are four nephews – Justice, Junior, Samuel and Simon (played by real brothers Homer, Ulysses, Atlas and Arlo Janson). They use their home court advantage to mess with him, for example they convince him he has to butcher one of their chickens for dinner just to see if he’ll do it, and get him to float out to the middle of the pond on his quest for cell reception.

But it’s also apparent that they’re not little terrors, they’re really sweet, creative kids from an interesting, eccentric family. Michael learns more about the local ballet school his sister ran, and gets nostalgic for when he was young and closer to her. Also you get your reliable comedy ideas like the little ones beg for a bedtime story but he can’t capture their interest until he starts describing the plot of FIRST BLOOD. (SPOILER: obviously my favorite joke in the movie is the implication that the kid doesn’t recognize the name but thinks the character is familiar and realizes it’s from RAMBO III.)

It’s as cute as it sounds but I think a little more uncomfortable than expected, just because Stiller is so good at playing a shitbag. In between sweet moments he’s doing cringey shit like trying to lure a local rich guy (Toby Huss, COPSHOP) into adopting the boys. The inevitable softening of his heart as he spends more time with the kids happens in fits and starts and with admirable understatement. When a woman who’s anxious to foster them (Edi Patterson, KNIVES OUT, VIOLENT NIGHT) mentions cutting their long hair because they look like girls, he immediately leaves. I like that even dumbass Michael sees that as a dealbreaker and doesn’t even have to explain that their uniqueness and free spirits should be protected.

There’s more than enough personality to enliven the comfortable formula of the plot, but it also helps that it’s beautiful to look at. Cinematographer Michael Simmonds is an indie veteran – he did MAN PUSH CART, CHOP SHOP, and BIG FAN long before hooking up with Green on Vice Principals and then the four horror movies. He gives this a beautiful, naturalistic look (I read that yes, it is shot on 35mm). I expect nothing less from Green but I hope that age comes back when even comedies are expected to look good.

This is set during the 3 weeks before Christmas, The Nutcracker is central to the plot, and there’s a part involving a Christmas party and a large Nativity scene. So it’s very good for holiday viewing, but I’d say that like DIE HARD (but unlike THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS) it’s not specifically about celebrating Christmas and would be watchable at other times of year too,  in case anybody happens to be reading this review out of season.

Green has always excelled at finding interesting kids, often non-actors, and getting really funny, natural performances out of them, from his debut GEORGE WASHINGTON to even the HALLOWEEN movies. I really wondered throughout NUTCRACKERS what the deal was with these Janson brothers. My guess was that Green knew them and designed the movie around them, and that turns out to be correct. Their mother Karey Williams was a friend from film school (she worked on his first three movies and acted in ALL THE REAL GIRLS) and that’s their real farm and animals (except for the snake in the toilet). The writer, Leland Douglas, was Green’s supervisor when he worked for a test screening company in L.A. and they used to talk about movies like this. His previous credits include MIRACLE DOGS TOO, CALL OF THE WILD 3D and a Dean Cain movie called BED & BREAKFAST: LOVE IS A HAPPY ACCIDENT.

(Oh yeah, and when the theater manager said that John Ritter got married there my wife looked it up and that was also true.)

One of the many things that’s very David Gordon Green about it is the title. I would give this title an A+. It sounds like it’s saying Merry Christmas, here are some little hellraisers liable to crack your nuts, which is kind of accurate. But the movie is much more sweet than crass or anarchic, and it turns out to literally be about them putting on a performance of The Nutcracker for the town. (That was my other question, and yes, turns out all four kids already did ballet.) They make their version funny and add a stabbing and stuff, but also the the older brother Justice is sincerely dancing. It’s something he knows he’s good at but is a little self conscious about, he’s convinced to do it for a girl, but he only does it at all because of his mother, who he misses so much.

The performance ends up happening in an unusual location that’s visually interesting and personally meaningful to the kids, and I will admit in the spirit of emotional honesty that it got real tears out of me. Which is more common as I get older and less repressed but I don’t remember doing it for one of these taking-care-of-kids comedies.

This is a good one. Best non-professional rapscallion comedy since RIDDLE OF FIRE.

p.s. Some of the background info comes from this Deadline interview with Green