The Super-Kumite Round 1, Bout 3, shocking results

tn_Super-KumiteWho the fuck am I fooling, MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE is the winner of this fight. MORTAL KOMBAT: THE ANIMATED VIDEO: THE JOURNEY BEGINS is really, really, really not the winner. Video games go back to the arcade in shame and tears. Goro goes back to Outworld to apologize to his brother who he killed to steal a crystal or whatever.

My friends, this is an embarrassment. I want to apologize for this bout. MORTAL KOMBAT: THE JOURNEY BEGINS was a late-entrant in The Super-Kumite. The initial entries were not properly screened, and two teams (Team Lamas and Team Kickboxer 3-5) had to be disqualified when their first round movies were found to be simply underground fighting movies and did not involve tournaments. Team Video Games was quickly put together on the strength of TEKKEN, a movie that had been recommended to me before and had a good cast. I would’ve liked to include MORTAL KOMBAT LEGACY featuring Michael Jai White, but from my research it didn’t seem to have anything to do with the tournament, it was just introducing the characters that could later fight in a tournament some day if they feel like making more episodes and want to make them about a tournament. THE JOURNEY BEGINS, it turns out, doesn’t really have the tournament either, but at least it talks about it repeatedly, has people preparing for it and flashes back to fights from previous tournaments.

Remember, I did set the matches up at random, so it was not my intent to pit a probable-lemon against a beloved classic. Still, I wish the competition had been stronger in this one. Then again, even more respectable movies would’ve most likely been decapitated by the flying guillotine. You gotta get rid of a few lemons for the strongest to survive the omelet or whatever.

Anyway, The Men From Hong Kong advance to round 2, where their second pick EXTREME CHALLENGE will probly have a harder time.



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15 Responses to “The Super-Kumite Round 1, Bout 3, shocking results”

  1. What films were on Team Lamas, apart from NIGHT OF THE WARRIOR?

  2. Crustacean: FINAL IMPACT and GLADIATOR COP. I don’t know if either of them would’ve worked though.

  3. Yeah, looking at Lamas’ imdb page those are the ones that jumped out at me too. GLADIATOR COP looks like it fits, but FINAL IMPACT looks like it’s about an officially-sanctioned kickboxing tournament. Does that count? What are your criteria for determining a Fight Tournament movie? Does it have to be an “illegal underground” fighting tournament? Do the fights have to take place in a singular location? Do the fights have to be TO THE DEATH?

  4. No, but there has to be a tournament structure to it, so championship matches don’t count (that’s part of why I had to ditch KICKBOXER 3).

  5. I’m sorry for interrupting this debate, but I have some news that deserves air time; Steven Seagal is now the (more or less) official spokesperson for the Russian weapons industry!

  6. In other Seagal-related news, here he is performing czechen danccing! Enjoy!


  7. That’s what I look like when I’m dancing!

  8. Hold the phone, I’m 90% sure the film Showdown, the second film from Team Billy Blanks does not have a tournament in it at all.

  9. The original Paul

    June 7th, 2013 at 2:20 pm



  10. It’s ok because Talon of the Eagle cannot defeat Bloodfist.


  12. Great news, Vern… well, possibly: they are indeed doing another season of Mortal Kombat Legacy with Michael Jai White, and they’ve added Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa to reprise his roll as Shang Tsung, master of the Tournament! I’m not sure if they are going to do a full tournament structure, but perhaps…?

  13. Well, bringing back C-HT is a great idea. I should watch the first set of episodes, huh? I didn’t see all of them.

  14. I’m late to the punch (ho ho haw) but this is an incredible concept editorially speaking, and it’s loaded with plenty of kickfighting goodness. This is the kind of idea that I could have only hoped to hatch during my sleep after going against better judgement and eating red meat and ice cream after 10 pm. Especially looking forward to your looks at Fearless Tiger and Angelfist, the former of which contains my favorite dancing aerobics vs. tai chi vs. kung fu scene in cinema history.

  15. I think Vern might secretly have a side gig as character designer for TEKKEN 7

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