"I'll just get my gear."

Vern Explains The Importance Of The STONE COLD DVD!

Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

Really, what more is there to say? Vern’s the man, and if he says it’s time to go buy STONE COLD on DVD, who am I to argue?

Ladies and gentlemen, the day has come. The eagle has landed. Brian Bosworth’s 1991 film debut STONE COLD is finally available on Region 1 DVD. We’re through the looking glass, people.

As a DVD this is kind of a bust. There isn’t even a trailer on the thing. They did spring for interactive menus, that’s about it. They even labeled the disc wrong, the widescreen is actually on the standard side and vice versa. The movie is about a biker gang, but the cover seems designed to make it look like a current DTV espionage thriller – there’s not a single motorcycle pictured on the front or back.

Stone ColdBut you know what, even that can’t stop STONE COLD. I’ve been recommending this movie to people for a while now but it was only on VHS so it got tricky. As of this week they will find it in finer movie stores and gas stations for around ten or fifteen bucks. What a year for DVD, man. First HOLY MOUNTAIN, now STONE COLD.

Let me be clear: this is a cheesy action movie. This is not a legit classic like DIE HARD. This is more along the lines of a ROADHOUSE, a really ridiculous movie where you start out watching it because it’s goofy but by the end, whether you have the balls to admit it or not, you know deep down in your soul that the movie kicked your ass. You pointed at it, you laughed at it, but it turned the tables and defeated you fair and square. If you have any sense of sportsmanship you will admit that this movie is awesome. Even if it was kicked off of its college team for using steroids.

Some people might not know who Brian Bosworth is. Now days he is known for some straight to video action movies, the best one probaly being ONE MAN’S JUSTICE, aka ONE TOUGH BASTARD, which is from the director of EQUILIBRIUM and features MC Hammer as a drug kingpin. But he got that career after a brief stint in the NFL. If you lived in Seattle between ’87 and ’89 you probaly remember the hooplah. He had a cartoonish rebel persona and was known for his ridiculous haircut. People who see it in this movie might think it’s a mullet, but back then it was a “Boz cut.” Little kids all around Washington copied the Boz cut which usually included stripes or designs shaved into the sides or even a Seahawks logo dyed into it. And I can’t believe I can’t find this shit on Google, but there was this poster you saw everywhere called “Land of Boz” which showed Bosworth on a yellow brick road with a bunch of little munchkin lookalikes. It was a big deal. After 3 seasons he had to retire due to a shoulder injury. But he had a good contract, I believe he still got millions out of those 3 years. So he didn’t have to go work at Boeing, he was able to take a few years to just go on an inner journey of peace and contemplate the world and that was when he realized the world was ready for STONE COLD.

Let me just point out a few things about STONE COLD. Number one, there is a scene where Bosworth is inside a state supreme court building and about to be run over by a motorcycle. So he shoots the driver in the head, causing the motorcycle to launch out a window, collide with a helicopter – which explodes, then falls down and lands on a car, which also explodes. Number two, there is a scene where Lance Henriksen, dressed as a priest, guns down an entire jury with a machine gun. Number three, the Boz hugs a kimono dragon in one part. Number four, there’s a shot from the POV of an electric guitar. Number five, pretty much the whole movie is like that, I’m not just listing the only good parts.

Bosworth plays a rebellious cop who is already suspended as of the opening scene, you don’t have to see him get suspended. (He still foils a violent grocery store robbery, though.) Because he has a good record of biker arrests the FBI forces him to go undercover in a violent biker gang called The Brotherhood.

The supreme evil of The Brotherhood is illustrated in a classic, fast-paced sequence. First we see a big scary bald guy blow away a priest in the middle of a baptism. There is no context, we have to assume there was no motive at all, but you do see the priest fly through a stained glass window (please pause to note that as the window shatters you can see the rest of the gang sitting outside enjoying the show). Next the bald guy is convicted of murder. Then, the judge who convicted him is blown up. During his investigation, the Boz will discover that the Brotherhood plan to assassinate Senator Brent “Whip” Whipperton, who runs for re-election on an “actually we should execute the bald biker guy who blew away the priest” platform.

So yes, it’s that cartoonish type of bikers. They shoot beer cans off each other’s shoulders using machine guns, they have grenades, they have access to helicopters, they have names like Gut, Tool, Trouble, Mudfish. Their leader is Chains, played by the great Lance HARD TARGET Henriksen, and their second in command is Ice, played by the also great William OUT FOR JUSTICE Forsythe. Either one of those guys are usually a topnotch action movie villain, but STONE COLD has both of them.

Of course, silly action movies are a dime a dozen, especially back then. I think all this shit with The Boz being an eccentric cop is funny as hell, but I wouldn’t be recommending it to you simply based on some laughs at the movie’s expense. STONE COLD’s secret weapon is the director, Craig R. Baxley. He comes from a family of stunt people, and he has a hell of a resume. He did stunts in DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, CHARLEY VARRICK, MR. MAJESTYK. He was stunt coordinator for THE WARRIORS and PREDATOR. Also second unit director for PREDATOR. So from there he got into directing and fans of that era of lower budget action will know some of his work. The best known are ACTION JACKSON and I COME IN PEACE. If you watch those movies and this one, you gotta love Baxley, at least as a friend. ACTION JACKSON has a scene where Carl Weathers drives a car into a mansion and upstairs into Craig T. Nelson’s bedroom, where he fights Craig T. Nelson. Who is playing a karate expert.

Baxley never made a movie as good as McTiernan’s best, but he had his own thing, his movies have a real good vibe to them, full of what one could only call Explosive Action, done the old fashioned way, with people. People always say some asshole like Michael Bay “knows how to blow shit up” because he has the money to tell his assistant to hire a guy to hire another guy to hire somebody else to pay ten thousand dollars to create an explosion and then soup it up digitally. Well, I bet Craig Baxley literally knows how to blow shit up. I bet he has actually done it. That is my hunch. At any rate, he knows how to add extra punch to action scenes. He knows when to send a guy hurling through the air, when to create a gratuitous fiery explosion, when to have a guy jump face first through a window, when to have Lance Henriksen hold a gun to a guy’s back and fire bullets through him. He knows how to film a car hurling through the air – you know why? Because he knows how to DRIVE a car hurling through the air.

After multiple viewings of STONE COLD it might start to drag a little in the middle, but still, this is an amazing work. Very few movies of this type deliver so consistently. There are plenty of movies that might seem like they would be funny based on having an ex-football player with a funny haircut go undercover as a biker, or what have you. But rarely do they live up to the awesome movie that you imagine that movie would be. I have recommended STONE COLD to many people and so far nobody has been disappointmed. It has the Vern Guarantee of Excellence. If you’re into this sort of shit – and I know you are because you seem like a pretty cool guy – STONE COLD is a must-see.

Originally posted at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/32966

View the archived Ain’t-It-Cool-News Talkback

  • June 12, 2007, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the tip.

    by Frank Black

    Remember it. Loved it! Buying it!!!

  • June 12, 2007, 7:05 p.m. CST

    I grew up in Seattle

    by BadMrWonka

    and I can attest to the huge blonde PR machine that was Brian Bosworth. he was everywhere. we had the X-Man, on the sonics, and the Boz on the seahawks. it seems funny, lokoing back on it, because Seattle doesn’t seem like the kind of place that kind of gimmick would work, but I guess it did. I mean…not for the Seahwaks in general, but he was pretty popular.
    I was 10 in 1989, but I was not allowed to have the boz cut. I had brown hair and a big head, it would have looked terrible. I don’t remember every seeing this movie, however, and I can’t imagine really enjoying it. but Vern, as a tribute to you, and to my hometown (Green Lake, whut whut?!?), I’ll give it a shot.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:05 p.m. CST

    Of course when I ordered it…

    by Frank Black

    Amazon suggested Beyond the Law with Charlie Sheen (effing AWESOME) & 52 Pick-Up with Roy Scheider and cool as hell John Glover (who used to be a customer at the video store I managed.)

    A good day to be a movie geek (that said I must go back to watching Duck You Suckers because my Sergio Leone Anthology DVD boxed set showed up today it is sweeter than circus peanut candy!)

  • June 12, 2007, 7:05 p.m. CST

    fuck you i thought you ment stone cold steve austin

    by JeanLuc Dickhard

    and thats the bottom line cause dickhard said so ………..

  • June 12, 2007, 7:08 p.m. CST

    amen brother

    by ECUPirate71

    Vern, you hit the nail on the head. Every weekend in college this was required viewing, and once you see this you understand the madness behind loving it. Thanks for another great review.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:11 p.m. CST

    Sounds good

    by coolhanderik

    I’ve been jonesing for a good new action film to watch.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:13 p.m. CST

    vern, poster is here:

    by BadMrWonka

    at the top of the page, you can see it, although it’s distorted…

  • June 12, 2007, 7:20 p.m. CST

    right on, vern

    by xannibal

    I’ve always admired this movie for being what it is – cool action. Plus, his partner is the wife-swapper from Raising Arizona! I love Brian “all right, this guy’s level 3” Benben in I Come in Peace.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:21 p.m. CST

    “you gotta clean up on aisle 4”

    by Vim Fuego

    Classic. As is Action Jackson. “Now you pissed me off!!!”

  • June 12, 2007, 7:21 p.m. CST


    by huggerorange

    Fuck yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stone cold!!! the importance of having this movie is that its kickass and not very many people know it…THis movie is the biker movie to end all biker movie…Chains rules!

  • June 12, 2007, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Ultimate scum Henriksen role…

    by Forsakyn

    Lance was such a badass in Stone Cold. I do think him posing as a priest then gunning down the jury (starting with shooting through the guy in front of him) was the biggest “Holy crap” moment of the movie. Bosworth really didn’t save anyone per se – Lance had the ultimate body count. I also liked the sheer contrast between Lance’s “biker look” to when he was the clean-shaven “priest of doom.” Fun stuff.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Hells yeah !

    by supersize

    52 Pick up and Stone Cold on the same day .All I need is cohen and tate and i’m one happy sumbitch

  • June 12, 2007, 7:22 p.m. CST

    8th!!! STONE COLD is a low budget action masterpiece

    by spud mcspud

    The Bos is excellent in it, Craig Baxley directs action better than anyone (he did stunt co-ordination for THE A TEAM, for God’s sake – is there any higher praise???) and this movie is just classic. Roll on the R2 release, or I just may have to have this bad boy imported to the plummy ol’ UK. Rock on!!!

  • June 12, 2007, 7:27 p.m. CST

    You know how good these movies are?

    by Vim Fuego

    My wife won’t watch them. That’s how good they are!

  • June 12, 2007, 7:33 p.m. CST

    I fucking love this movie.

    by Psyclops

    I saw this on video when I was a kid back in the early ’90s. I ended up watching a marathon of cheeseball action movies that weekend including BLIND FURY, FREEJACK and HARLEY DAVIDSON & THE MARLBORO MAN. They just don’t make them like they used to, folks.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Wife and action movies…

    by Forsakyn

    Yeah, mine doesn’t watch these classics either. She will watch just about any kind of horror movie with me, though, so that’s kind of a plus. Heck, she watched See No Evil with me.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:35 p.m. CST

    I was laughting hysterically thoughout the whole review

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    I will buy the film.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:36 p.m. CST

    Sounds worth a rental..

    by The Dum Guy

    It’s going on my Netflix list nexto to Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:37 p.m. CST

    What a classic!

    by chi3fhog

    Seen Stone Cold many times. Boz is still a legend here in Oklahoma (where he played college ball). On the Lance Henrikson front: anyone remember Man’s Best Friend? A freaking genetically altered dog that had chameleon properties (blending in with the inside of a garage, not foliage, mind you) and could swallow a cat whole?

  • June 12, 2007, 7:38 p.m. CST

    never mind…

    by The Dum Guy

    It’s not available.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:38 p.m. CST

    That’s me singin’, bitches!

    by Roderick Usher

    Back when I was a teen, I wrote and recorded a song that landed on the film. That was forever ago and I had just assumed everyone had forgotten about this lost gem of bloated ass-kickery! Hopefully I’ll be getting a bump in residuals!

  • June 12, 2007, 7:42 p.m. CST

    Further Cheesy Action:

    by chi3fhog

    Anything starring Cynthia Rothrock or Jeff Speakman.

    Best Action Jackson quote: “How do you like your ribs?”

  • June 12, 2007, 7:43 p.m. CST

    everyone should live by one rule

    by ciroslive

    buy anything that Henriksen is in. Period.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:43 p.m. CST

    chain’s old ladies

    by huggerorange

    This is the best role Lance Henrickson has ever had and ever executed from what ive seen him in so far, truly a well acted, bad ass villain..

  • June 12, 2007, 7:48 p.m. CST

    Henriksen is legend…

    by chi3fhog

    and my moral compass.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:49 p.m. CST

    Thank God, Stone Cold is finally on dvd!


    I loved this flick as a kid. Now all I need is “The Perfect Weapon” and I can die in peace. Vern, get a copy of “The Perfect Weapon”, it’s in the pantheon of badly awesome action flicks!

  • June 12, 2007, 7:53 p.m. CST

    This movie proves one of the time honored laws…

    by Leadley

    …of 80’s Explosive Action films. Some guy usually has a crazy pet. In ‘Stone Cold,’ the Boz has a lizard, in ‘Tango and Cash’ Jack Palance had a pair of mice, in ‘Man’s Best Friend’ Lance Henrickson had a genitaclly enhanced saint banard, and in ‘Cobra’ Sly had Brigitte Nielsen.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Sounds great, but what about “The Stone Killer”???

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    Now that’s overdue for a good DVD release, one of Bronson’s better ones (although it’s no Majestyk or Violent City).

  • June 12, 2007, 7:54 p.m. CST

    Also, totally exploitative nudity.

    by Leadley

    Hot chicks showering outside for no reason. F*ck yeah.

  • June 12, 2007, 7:57 p.m. CST

    One more thing…

    by Leadley

    Lance Henrickson was the KING of good/bad movies back in their 80s/early 90s hayday. Knights. Terminator. Hard Target. Goddamned Pumpkinhead! The list goes on. Lance in the MAN. That f*cker was selling pottery he made in his garage on his website for a while. I never did get a mug. Ten bucks seemed too steep at the time. What a FOOL I was! Anyone out there have a Lance Henrickson mug or set of plates? just wondering how they worked out for you…

  • June 12, 2007, 7:58 p.m. CST

    Favorite part of Stone Cold?

    by Leadley

    Lance pointing with a gun to the back of a Brotherhood leather jacket at the insignia and explaining to the Boz, “This is my church.”

  • June 12, 2007, 8:01 p.m. CST

    My bad. The VERY BEST moment of ‘Stone Cold’?

    by Leadley

    Lance, sizing up the Boz and determinng whether or not he can join the brotherhood, explains to William OUT FOR JUSTICE Forsythe, “He’s either going to be my number one steamroller, or the biggest porkchop I ever ate.” I teach high school, and, to this day, whenever I have some dickhead in class I call him a ‘porkchop’. Thank you Lance!

  • June 12, 2007, 8:05 p.m. CST


    by TiNSeLToWN TeRRoR

    Those were the boz’s sunglasses made by gargoyles. The same ones Arnie wore in terminator except the boz’s was blue frames with blue mirror glasses! I had a pair. Pretty much anything of boz goes for some cash on ebay! I was an usher at a movie theater when this came out! And saw it a ton of times! Great 80’s action Flik! Still have the movie posters for it! 80’s glam band ROXX GANG was the bar band in the movie! I also still have a nice collection of Boz stuff! I think i will sell it on ebay and buy a blu-ray player!

  • June 12, 2007, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Question about Proust’s “A la recherche du temps perdu”

    by Gwai L0

    I have this six/seven volume 5000 page modernist masterpiece, in French, on mid-seventies library Microfiche, but I don’t want to read the whole thing (Microfiche reader gets too hot).

    Could someone please let me know at what page number Monsieur Swann, while at dinner with Baron Charlus, inhales the delicate fragrance rising from the inner lining of Charlus’ special GOTTA-TAKE-A-SHIT MASK and is reminded of the youthful hawthornes in Combray and the bittersweet impossibilities of true love? I have looked everywhere and cannot find this information.

    Thanks in advance!!!

  • June 12, 2007, 8:28 p.m. CST

    I completely forgot about

    by huggerorange

    I completely forgot about Iceman in this movie..Another bad ass scum bag portrayer is William Forsythe..doing what he does best.

  • June 12, 2007, 8:29 p.m. CST

    Jerry Horror,

    by chi3fhog

    I have an old beat up VHS of Speakman’s seminal masterpiece, “The Perfect Weapon.” I taped it of HBO. It is terrible quality and the audio is warbly, but I can still enjoy when he beats up that couch with sticks for no apparent reason!!

  • June 12, 2007, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Man, I went to OU and was a kid when Bozworth became…

    by GQtaste

    …”The Boz.” That was the good old days. He’s the best college linebacker i’ve ever seen! And Stone Cold was great. But I have to say that “Roadhouse” was a fucking great movie!

  • June 12, 2007, 8:34 p.m. CST

    Fuck me,

    by King_Knut

    I saw this when I was 13 and bloody loved it. Had almost forgotten about it. Here’s hoping it gets a region 2 release soon so I can add it to my my LOVEFiLM.

  • June 12, 2007, 8:39 p.m. CST

    Gwai Lo, it’s on page 3,467

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    right after Swann drives an exploding car through the side of Charlus’s house and into his bedroom, before he kung-fu fights him.

  • June 12, 2007, 8:51 p.m. CST

    Boz > latter day Bruce Willis because…

    by Larry of Arabia

    Boz can bring down a helicopter with a motorcycle. Bruce Willis needs a whole car now. Of course back in the day when both movies came out Bruce could jump off a helicopter into a fistfight on an airplane wing, then bring down the plane from the runway AFTER falling off, thus landing an entire fleet of passenger planes. Obviously Bruce has lost a step in his old age.

  • June 12, 2007, 8:56 p.m. CST

    First pirated movie I ever bought…

    by TELF

    On holiday in Malta. Memories.Nice one Vern. I like the bit with the ear tattoo guy. I think it is both witty and baddass to tattoo a cadavar’s severed ear to trick bad guys. And that sweet steadicam march out of the courthouse of doom at the end. They really don’t make’em like this anymore (well Baxley doesn’t, he’s doing Left Behind sequels…)

  • June 12, 2007, 8:56 p.m. CST

    I have been waiting for this movie for YEARS!

    by googamooga

    And lke Vern, I too recommended it to all my friends. And to think I almost bought one of those crappy, overpriced German bootleg copies, woohoo!

  • June 12, 2007, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Good times.

    by proper

    You know that Vim,Stone Cold reminds me of the days when a father and son could walk up to the video shop and decide together what to watch that evening going through the “Mum wouldn’t like that one” and “you can watch that gorey crap with your mates” haggle before finding common ground in such classics.I appreciate that training now.It’s a shame they didn’t go to town on this DVD as I always let it run when it turns up on Sky………Nice 1 Vern.

  • June 12, 2007, 9:28 p.m. CST

    And Seahawks Fans Still Weep

    by Playhouse

    The Boz. What a joke.

  • June 12, 2007, 9:51 p.m. CST


    by Doc_Strange

    Never saw this movie but I can almost guarantee this line is in there.

  • June 12, 2007, 10:04 p.m. CST

    the BOZ

    by zelusfin

    i actually read the book. he supposedly collaborated with a book author to cowrite his autobiography. it was apparently a best seller. i found it in a used bookstore for 25 pesos (i live in the philippines). thats like 50 cents US. really funny book, he really rats on the illegal practices of the alumni and the school when he used to be with oklahoma. “i was paid to go to my mail and pick up some envelopes. not to mentioned some of those envelopes had like $30,000 every month.” i kinda paraphrased. but it went somethin like that.

  • June 12, 2007, 10:13 p.m. CST

    “I come in peace.” “And you go in pieces!”

    by Acne Scarface


  • June 12, 2007, 10:16 p.m. CST


    by ImFixingtoDie


  • June 12, 2007, 10:39 p.m. CST

    Vern you’re the best

    by modlight

    You review the movies that really matter. Thanks man. I loved this movie.

  • June 12, 2007, 10:53 p.m. CST

    My thoughts excatly

    by DonRivella

    Craig R. Baxley is the king when it comes to visceral action on a budget and Stone Cold is his most fun movie. If you are a pyromaniac, I recommend Dark Angel. This movie must hold the record for fireballs and explosions. Plus you get deadly frisbee CD action thrown in for free.

  • June 12, 2007, 11:15 p.m. CST

    thanks Wonka

    by Vern

    that brings back memories. I forgot about the hot Dorothy, too. And the word “Bozkin.”

  • June 12, 2007, 11:27 p.m. CST

    this may be a rag to…


    the walking dead out there; but this is my flag…my cross…my church..and these colors don’t run! Even when they’re down in a fight…I’ll peel your skin off with a knife dipped in shit!

  • June 12, 2007, 11:30 p.m. CST

    If you tried to out ride him…


    you’d crash and burn. You’d try to out-party him…he’d send you to the ozone. If you tried to out-fight him.. he’d cut your balls off and serve ’em to you on a fuckin’ plate!

  • June 12, 2007, 11:33 p.m. CST

    Pretty boy like you…


    probably did some painful time, huh Bam-Bam? So you gonna use that stick…you gonna dance with me!

  • June 12, 2007, 11:35 p.m. CST

    I tattooed tits…


    ..I tattooed a flabby ass.. but I ain’t tattooed no corpses ear before!

  • June 12, 2007, 11:58 p.m. CST

    Great crazy action movie

    by Dosomo

    I loved this when I was a kid. And you know why it was great? It didn’t build up to the end and then come up short. The director knew this was a whacked-out over-the-top action flick, and didn’t apologize for it. Instead he took the action and violence to another level at the end. Movies and TV these days seem to build toward an exciting ending, and then they puss out. Come on! Just step up to the plate, and launch a motorcycle at a helicopter! That is The Boz way!

  • June 13, 2007, 12:22 a.m. CST

    Jerry Horror’s Right…See “The Perfect Weapon”, Vern!

    by FilmCritic3000

    That’s one movie I watched incessantly when it first came out. It was on HBO every five minutes back then.

  • June 13, 2007, 12:24 a.m. CST

    Best line: The last thing my father said to me:

    by Stormwatcher

    Stop son that gun is loaded!

    Man, I have such fond early 90’s memories of this movie. Thanks for the heads up Vern. I will have to put this next to Commando on my self. Actually, Commando/Stone Cold/Shooter are a perfect triple bill of the best/worst action movies of the 80’s 90’s and today! Man shooter sucks, but in such an incredibly bad, good way. Man it sucks though.

  • June 13, 2007, 12:47 a.m. CST

    This is one of the great b-movie actioners of that era

    by Sledge Hammer

    …one that stands proudly alongside the likes of ott classics such as Commando, Action Jackson, I Come In Peace (aka Dark Angel as it was known down here), Roadhouse, Blue Jeans Cop and the slightly classier, but no less crazy or violent Extreme Prejudice. Balls to the wall violent action movie fun that knew exactly what they were, and delivered on that promise. They didn’t pretend to be high art, but they didn’t need to be because they knew how to deliver where it counted. Oh, and yeah Forsythe was at his greaser best and Henriksen was a villianous God in Stone Cold. Oh, and it’s kickass that the infinitely under-rated 52 Pickup is also out on DVD finally too.
    As for great b-movie action lines, Action Jackson is an absolute quotefest. One of my faves, after being accused of ripping a suspect’s arm off: “He had a spare!”

  • June 13, 2007, 1:14 a.m. CST

    Oh yes…

    by DocPazuzu

    …Stone Cold is a looney classic — perhaps, in spirit if not year, the last of the great 80s action flicks. I will be purchasing it.

    As for I Come In Peace (aka Dark Angel) and Action Jackson, I love them both — especially the latter.

    Apart from the truly unbelievable amount of quotable lines it has a staggering amount of cool stars and cameos (Sonny Landham! Bill Duke! Thomas F. Wilson! Ed O. Ross! Nicholas Worth! Al Leong!) and a kung fu fight between Carl Weathers and Craig T. Nelson. For extra special hilarity, play the bits where Nelson is face-kicking Weathers in slow motion. Nelson’s obvious lack of kung fuism is overcome by having close-up shots of his screaming face and upper body while some dude crouching in front of him whips a fake leg past the lens. Fucking hysterical every time.

  • June 13, 2007, 1:40 a.m. CST

    Nice Guy Though

    by Colier Rannd

    When this came out on video orginally I was working at a video store and we went to meet him at a sort of premiere of it. Boz was a nice guy. I don’t really think the movie is all that great, but I feel it’s sort of important to let people know when someone has been nice to you.

  • June 13, 2007, 2:55 a.m. CST

    I f*ckin LOVE The Perfect Weapon!!

    by Brody77

    What happened to Jeff Speakman?

    He did a bit part in A.W.O.L. then starred as an ultimate badass in Perfect Weapon, then vanished.

    That bit in the karate school was top shit.

    As for The Boz – I always preferred One Tough Bastard.

    I saw that box in the store & thought – Sign Me Up!! What a title. I didn’t even read the back.

  • June 13, 2007, 3:38 a.m. CST

    I remember this film.

    by Shan

    It was great fun. Great review Vern.

  • June 13, 2007, 4 a.m. CST


    by Redfive!

    Kicks some pretty good 80s ass.

    This and “Dare I say it” MORTAL KOMBAT are HUGE guilty pleasures.

    Sometimes im just in the mood for some COMMANDO also,I cant help it.

  • June 13, 2007, 4:03 a.m. CST

    I LOVE cheesy action movies,

    by DirkD13″

    Especially gratuitously violent, one-liner laden, late 80’s to mid 90’s ones. The motorbike/helicopter interface is on youtube, check it out.

  • June 13, 2007, 7:38 a.m. CST

    Well, I’m sold.

    by brokentusk

    Vern you had me at “there’s a shot from the POV of an electric guitar.”

  • June 13, 2007, 8:24 a.m. CST

    My top ten guilty pleasure action movies.

    by DirkD13″

    In no particular order:
    Cutthroat Island
    Deep Rising
    Terminal Velocity
    Stone Cold
    Top Of The World
    Tango & Cash
    Striking Distance

    Feel free to ridicule me or add your own faves.

  • June 13, 2007, 8:30 a.m. CST

    You Dare!?

    by The Funketeer

    You dare to suggest that Roadhouse is somehow inferior to Stone Cold? I miss late 80’s early 90’s action movies.

  • June 13, 2007, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Don’t forget Henriksen in Near Dark!

    by Borgnine JR

    Best vampire ever. He would have kicked Lestat’s whiney emo little ass.

  • June 13, 2007, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Pottery Lance….

    by Stuntcock Mike

    is still tougher than Marion Cobretti

  • June 13, 2007, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Roadhouse and Near Dark are favs

    by Col. Tigh-Fighter

    This is the kind of movie I used to watch all the time. Anyone remember Tresspass with Bills Paxton and Sadler, AND, Ice Cube and Ice T. A bit of a Resoviour Dogs warehouse standoff vibe about it. Always loved that too!

  • June 13, 2007, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Brian Bosworth has chosen HD-DVD…

    by KarmicRelief

    …because his mullet looks better in 1920×1080 24p. As a side note, I love this damn movie.

  • June 13, 2007, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Stone cold rules

    by PacmanFever

    It’s one of the ultimate examples of that kind of movie. Way more fun than the similar but far better known Road House. I Come in Peace/Dark Angel was cool too, can’t say I was too bothered about Action Jackson though.

  • June 13, 2007, 12:26 p.m. CST

    I don’t have ‘guilty pleasures’…

    by Sledge Hammer

    …simply because I don’t believe in the term, and I make no apologies to anyone about whatever films I happen to enjoy. And whether anyone else sees any value in those self same films, frankly, doesn’t mean dick all to me. I like what I like, and I make excuses about it to no man.
    Anyway I miss the seventies, eighties and early nineties, now it seems like we live in a mainly pg-13 world, and boy does it suck…as inoffensively as possible in order to have the broadest level of non-impact, of course.

  • June 13, 2007, 12:46 p.m. CST


    by macgruder

    this movie has been on my “please come to dvd” wishlist for many many years and the day has finally come. You can pick this up at deepdiscountdvd.com for 10 bucks and enter the code SUPERSALE and get another 20% off. ENJOY!

  • June 13, 2007, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Is this the one where it starts with like 5 min…

    by mthrndr

    …of working out naked to “I’ve got the power”?

    If so it marks the first time I ever saw schlong on TV (from the side though) scarred by that moment.

  • June 13, 2007, 4 p.m. CST


    by Stuntcock Mike

    That’s Perfect Weapon, me thinks.

  • June 13, 2007, 4:57 p.m. CST


    by Munro Kelly

    I agree with everything you said. Great movie.

  • June 13, 2007, 4:59 p.m. CST

    You had me at MC Hammer as a drug kingpin

    by Lando Griffin

    (as far as the other title you mentioned) But I used to watch the fuck out of Stone Cold it hit pay per view around the time we got our first black (illegal) cable box. So it was on 24 hours a day on one channel for several months. Same thing with The Perfect Weapon, that was another good one. And like a previous poster mentioned Speakman going crazy with the kendo sticks on that couch kicked ass. “I Come In Peace” – I totally forgot about that one, will have to seek it out now.

  • June 13, 2007, 5:19 p.m. CST

    great boz story…

    by sonnyhooper

    ……..back when he was in college (and later in the pros)when he went on road games the fans of the opposing team could be seen wearing t-shirts with “anti-boz” slogans. stuff like “boz sucks” or “boz is over-rated”. guess who owned the company that printed up those shirts? thats right, brian bosworth.

    how great is that? he was making money off of people who hated him. fucking brilliant.

  • June 13, 2007, 10:25 p.m. CST

    Stone Cold = Bar fight fuel

    by JohnnyThanatos

    Man, we went straight from that movie and picked our first bar fight. It seemed easier to throw bikers through walls for Boz… not so easy for us. Good times.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 12th, 2007 at 6:54 pm and is filed under Action, AICN, Crime, Horror, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

8 Responses to “Vern Explains The Importance Of The STONE COLD DVD!”

  1. This movie is good. Why did I wait so long to see it?

    And you can see the Land of Boz picture here:


  2. Props to Pinkney for the Land of boz pic.

    STONE COLD is a splendid example of late ’80’s/early ’90’s action cinema. Back then there was an ad for it on the back of comic books, and that was all I knew about it, but now Vern’s wisdom has once again pointed me in the direction of Cinemal Greatness. The climactic battle in the courthouse at the end is so over the top, no studio would even consider doing something like that today unless the whole thing were done with bluescreens. This kind of thing is truly a lost art.

    Please watch this terrible example of a wrongheaded trailer for this film, brought to you by the IMDB:

  3. I recently bought the DVD, and maybe you just got a bad copy because mine was labelled correctly. The widescreen and fullscreen versions were on the sides they said they were. Now, as for whether they cut out information to make it widescreen, I don’t know. I never saw it on VHS or watched the fullscreen version to find out. That aside, this movie was freaking hilarious.

  4. Man, I’ve really been getting hammered by spambots this week, and they are especially fixated on this review of the STONE COLD dvd. Maybe they want it to come out on blu-ray?

  5. I noticed that as well at least the spambots have good taste.

  6. Well I just got my first Don “The Dragon” Wilson movie. It’s time to expand to the Boz as well methinks. Thanks, spambots!

    On an aside, though, what is it about movies with awful generic marketing / DVD covers right now? Besides the whole “somebody sues DRIVE for not being a fast-paced chase movie” thing, which is clearly overkill but which I gotta admit having a slight sympathy towards, because the marketing of that movie just blatantly made it out to be something it isn’t… (Phew, takes breath…) Anyway, even though I thought DRIVE was excellent, I can see why you might be disappointed if you went in expecting a chase movie.

    Or if you bought “Locke” expecting, as I believe the DVD cover states, an “edge-of-your-seat thrill ride”. Look, I liked “Locke”, but it’s one-and-a-half hours of a man talking on a mobile phone about pouring concrete and committing adultery. What I’m getting at here is that “Locke” is most definitely not comparable to “The French Connection” in any way, shape, or form.

    Anyway #2… besides the whole “Drive” thing, you’ve got trailers either misrepresenting films completely (“Dredd”) or just giving away the entire plot (“Chronicle”). You’ve also got DVD covers that make films like softcore porn (“Almost Famous”) or just-another-horror-remake (“Detention”). That last one in particular gets my goat. I saw it in the DVD store (yes, we still have those) and couldn’t believe it – it was slap-bang in the middle of a bunch of shitty horror remakes, and looked exactly the same as them. White writing on black background, line of gloomy-looking teenage faces staring intensely at the camera, the works. This for a movie that contains:

    – Two entirely separate groups of aliens who both have important roles to play.
    – A complex time-travel plot involving a grizzly-bear and a love-letter portrayal of the nineties.
    – A basic retelling of both “The Man who Wasn’t There” and “Freaky Friday”, in the same scene.

    And much, much more. I mean, if ever a movie was born to be a cult hit, it’s “Detention”. And you can’t find better marketing for it than that? Seriously?

    Anyway… gripe over. I will keep my eyes open for “Stone Cold” and watch it at the first available opportunity. I’m always in the mood for a good piece of late eighties / early nineties cheesy action, if it’s done well. And this sounds as if it’s got a lot to recommend it.

  7. GOOD GOD, you weren’t joking about them spambots.

  8. This is getting seriously ridiculous. Who knew the Boz was catnip for spambots?