"We're still at war, Plissken. We need him alive."

"I don't give a fuck about your war... or your president."

Posts Tagged ‘Asia Argento’

Land of the Dead

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005

Hi, everyone. “Moriarty” here with some Rumblings From The Lab…

I’m working on my review for this one now, having seen it earlier tonight. For now, I’ll leave it in the always-capable hands of Vern:

Fellas –

Well the Batman fans have their good Batman movie to get excited about, the Star Wars fans have their good Star Wars movie to complain and make rape metaphors about*, and now comes the actual, genuine most anticipated movie of the summer. In my opinion.

[*and no, this is not a license to talk about Star Wars in the talkbacks. you even THINK about mentioning Hans shooting whatsisdick the hutt or what have you, even in a relevant comparison to the works of George Romero, you’re fuckin fired]

There’s not much of a rumbling in the media, there doesn’t even seem to be as much excitement on the internet thing here as you’d think there’d be. But some of you out there know what I’m talking about. We’ve been waiting for this movie a long god damn time. I mean how many false alarms can you live through over the years, the guy saying he almost has the money to make another Living Dead movie? It starts to seem like a pipe dream. How many Resident Evils and 28 Days and Haunted Mansions can go by with us saying “fer chrissakes you morons, just give George Romero some money for a living dead picture and make the world a better place for all creeds, colors and stripes.” (read the rest of this shit…)

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Action, AICN, Horror, Reviews | 1 Comment »

xXx

Friday, August 9th, 2002

Well you know me, I’ve been talking about the badass presence of Vin Diesel just as long as anyone has, anyone except for him. I’ve been looking forward to this moronic concept of a Vin Diesel star vehicle, figuring anything this stupid starring Vin Diesel would have to be a good time. You saw my epic dissertation on THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS so you know how I enjoy Vin’s egomaniacal charisma combined with Rob Cohen’s pathetic zeitgeist-chasing high conceptualism.

XXX is completely asinine. And I loved that about it. For about half an hour. Then it just got boring in the exact same way all the modern James Bond movies are boring. It takes a special type of standard lowering to enjoy ANYBODY driving around dreary european villages on motorcycles shooting machine guns and blowing things up in the usual ways. You can only watch a henchman shot into the air by an explosion so many times before you start to ask for more from your badass cinematists. I don’t care if you had a young Clint Eastwood riding piggyback on Steve McQueen, you’d still get bored with this movie before it got to the climax. (read the rest of this shit…)

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Action, Reviews | 4 Comments »

  • Hey bud, thanks for reading.

    Don't feel obligated, but there are

  • WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT THE SHIT OUT OF VERN & OUTLAWVERN.COM

    if that's your thing:

  • 1. Patreon

    (A crowdfunding type deal where you toss me a few bucks monthly to help me take time off from the day job to write more of this good shit.)

  • 2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody

    click here for my Amazon author page

    (I get residuals and/or the respect of my publisher, you get to have your life changed forever by the power of my words)

    EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything.

  • (I still have this Paypal donation thing you can use if you hate the name Patreon or something)

  • 4. If you ever shop at Amazon, go through my links or search engines


    (you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway but Amazon sends a little slice of it my way)

  • I also have an Amazon UK one:

    (I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.)

  • 5. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products

    (I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item)

  • 6. Spread the word

    Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers around here.

    THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN

    * * * *

  • VERN’S “I RECOMMEND THE SHIT OUT OF THIS PRODUCT” CORNER:

  • Recent commentary and jibber-jabber

    • Muh on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “Yeah I'd say just looking at the acting in that movie...there's nothing before or since is that director's filmography that…” May 24, 14:26
    • E.f. Contentment on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “I don't think it was all-Russell-all-the-time, but based on statements by Val Kilmer and various others over the years, I…” May 24, 14:23
    • onthewall2983 on Collateral: “MIAMI VICE needed what this had in spades, subtle comic relief after intense violent scenes that have that slow build-up…” May 24, 13:38
    • CJ Holden on TV review: LOST – “The End”: “The 10th anniversary of this is coming up. And many people STILL think that (mild spoiler for…” May 24, 13:02
    • Muh on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “But it is hard to tell for sure...the guy has no real style, he's just a Hollywood hired gun who…” May 24, 12:54
    • Muh on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “That's right, Cruise wouldn't and when you see those movies you can tell he didn't. But I have no real…” May 24, 12:47
    • jojo on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “For some reason, the Route 66 thing is really weird to me I mean, it's not even a very…” May 24, 11:57
    • VERN on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “But there's a pretty big leap between "he's an actor who has a ton of say over everything" and "he…” May 24, 11:46
    • Muh on Collateral: “I agree with Vern from back then...I like Mann sometimes, but but does he pretend h's making these weighty art…” May 24, 11:18
    • Muh on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “Stallone is like Jackie Chan...Jackie may not be the DIRECTOR, but he's calling a lot of the shots and when…” May 24, 10:18
    • Mr. Majestyk on Unstoppable (2010): “Nah, I think you’ve got this movie’s number. It’s a whole lot of not much. The main thing I remember…” May 24, 05:39
    • bastardjackyll on Code of Silence: “You definitely need to check out Stick; it's got a racist albino hitman, Beyonce's Stepdad, and Burt Reynolds playing a…” May 24, 01:57
    • Handsome Dan on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “If you guys are serious about this scrotum movie, I don't think Matthew Barney's up to anything at the moment.” May 23, 16:02
    • VERN on Collateral: “Ha ha, I definitely don't believe that anymore, however much I believed it then. I'm eventually gonna get cancelled for…” May 23, 15:36
    • pegsman on Rambo: First Blood Part II: “No worries, we love you anyway!” May 23, 14:48

  • Recent Commented on Posts

  • Most Comments

  • Meta