Apparently the ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK remake is still happening. You guys know how I feel about that. In the unlikely event that somebody good was doing it this could actually be a good story to retell. The problems are
1. who the fuck you gonna get to play Snake Plissken? I mean, come on
2. that means no ESCAPE FROM EARTH, and fuck that. Kurt Russell is even cooler at this age than he was then, I want to see him play Snake again.
And of course the odds are against them choosing somebody great to direct, so I was happy when I thought this had fallen apart.
Anyway, this new article from the Vulture blog reveals some new information about the script and, most importantly that John Carpenter included a few important clauses when handing over the remake rights:
New Line had to sign a contract with John Carpenter stipulating, among other things, that Plissken “must be called ‘Snake'”; “must wear an eye patch”; and that he would — and we’re not making this up — “always be a ‘bad-ass.'”
I guess that means that keeping Snake Plissken Snake Plissken is more important to him than ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 and some of the other ones. Or maybe he learned from those remakes.Of course, this brings up some questions, like, if they have to fucking do this, who should they get to direct and to play Snake?
After many talkbacks on topics like this I learned an important rule: no matter what it is, any remake, any sequel, any adaptation of a book or toy or video game or food, the best director for the job is Paul Verhoeven. Try it, it works for anything. GI JOE, HALLOWEEN 3, CONAN, the RACOON HAMLET remake. All would be best under Verhoeven’s perverted eye.
So my number two choice for this one would be John Hyams of UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: REGENERATION. I think he could get the tone down, could include some more elaborate action sequences than in the original, and would definitely find some weathered tough guys and not just a bunch of smooth-faced youths pretending to talk tough. If some studio hotshot somewhere finds out about Hyams and is smart enough to hire him for something like this he or she will go far.
I don’t know about Snake, though. I can think of a couple people I might accept, but nobody I would be excited about. Maybe you guys can do better.
I still like my buddy Mr. Armageddon’s suggestion of Wesley Snipes as Duke of New York.
VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.