So once again we have survived.

Porky’s Revenge

tn_porkysrevengePORKY’S REVENGE is part 3, done in 1985 without Bob Clark or taste. The whole cast does return, looking a little ridiculous since most of them are 30 years old playing high school seniors. This time the gang are all on the basketball team (without any teen wolves to guarantee victory) and alot of the plot revolves around the state championship game. So get ready to pretend to care.

Porky does return and is out for revenge. He tries to do that by forcing Meat to marry his daughter and provide an heir to the Porky’s business empire. Porky shouldn’t actually be that mad at the kids though in my opinion because their cruelty actually gave him that extra nudge to drastically improve his life – he replaced his demolished night club with a god damn riverboat casino! mp_porkysrevengeThat familiar cartoon pig neon sign is now flashing on top of an aquatic mobile party palace. It looks cool and it gives him every reason to just float away if some punk kids from Angel Beach keep messing with him. In fact, if he gets into trouble that his sheriff brother can’t get him out of he can just row himself out to international waters. Or if he’s in a Sonny Crockett mood he can stop by Cuba for some mojitos.

If you think about the original PORKY’S it had a clever way of escalating the conflict with Porky. The plot is very episodic, but throughout various events the boys are sort of babysitting the one guy, trying to make sure he doesn’t go back to mess with Porky. But he keeps sneaking away and coming back beaten to a pulp, every time convinced that it was worth it and he won’t fail next time. You don’t see the beatings, it’s all off screen until at the end they all go back to Porky’s to blow it up. It’s a very clever way to tell the story.

But PORKY’S REVENGE is more like a sitcom. I mean, Porky has a daughter with a hot body and ugly face who molests Meat. And they’re supposed to throw the big game. And Balbricker has a millionaire long lost love. And they photograph two of their teachers dressing up in bondage costumes. And whatsisdick is tricked into fucking Balbricker in the dark. Just every stupid idea they could come up with. Everything but a guy who does wacky sound effects.

And it’s less cinematic, it looks more like your standard ’80s teen comedy. Gymnasium lights are unforgiving. And the music is standard too, but I got a laugh (unintentional, I think) when they set out for Porky’s at night and suddenly it had dramatic keyboards and guitars exactly like a serious action movie of the era.

The new director is James Komack, who directed the pilot of WELCOME BACK KOTTER and might have been Milton Berle’s illegitimate son. It was his feature directorial debut, and he later wrote BACK TO THE BEACH. He died in ’97, so he won’t be able to do another one. But I’m still hoping for a part 4 with the original cast, but now they’re in college.

To answer a question from the PORKY’S comments no, Porky does not actually get his revenge. He puts them through some trouble but I don’t feel he is satisfied by the ultimate outcome or feels that any sort of justice or balance has been achieved. But I do think PORKY’S REVENGE is a more accurate title than FREDDY’S REVENGE was. At least it’s PORKY’S ATTEMPTED REVENGE. In Elm Street 2 Freddy wasn’t avenging anything, he was just trying to enter the real world through the body of a guy who moved into the house where he had tried to get revenge on the previous owners.

But what good is revenge, anyway? Hasn’t Porky seen LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (original)? When you try to get revenge you’re only sinking to the savage level of your enemy. You’re degrading yourself. You, Porky, should hold your fat head high. But it would’ve been cool if he did get revenge on them and that was the end of the movie. That would’ve thrown some people for a loop.

Would Porky have felt closure if he had blown up the school or cut off Meat’s meat or something? I don’t think so. I think you gotta move on. Hell, when those kids turn 21 they could end up being Porky’s best customers. Or they could work for him. Meat would definitely make a good bouncer or male stripper if they ever open Porky’s For Her. They could all get along. I mean, look what happened to Miss Balbricker. She grabbed the one guy’s dick and tried to censor Shakespeare and accidentally fucked the one guy in the dark and then called him a pervert, but the gang still felt bad and hooked her up with her long lost love, which turned her instantly cool. People can change. Let’s work this stuff out.

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.
This entry was posted on Monday, September 28th, 2009 at 11:47 pm and is filed under Comedy/Laffs, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

18 Responses to “Porky’s Revenge”

  1. There was a Porky’s video game?! I am officially flummoxed.

  2. Without Bob Clark or taste, hahaha man I gotta see the first one again

  3. Most important question, any nudity at all?

    I know I saw this back in the day but can’t remember even one thing about it. I vaguely remember the basketball subplot so I’m guessing the rest of the movie must have been super lame if that’s all I can remember.

  4. Grim Grinning Chris

    September 29th, 2009 at 10:12 am

    Yes. The Swedish foreign exchange student gets them out almost immediately. Very very nice.

  5. “To answer a question from the PORKY’S comments no, Porky does not actually get his revenge.”
    Motherfuckers. Thanks Vern. I can avoid this now…well, STILL, really.

  6. I wasn’t too into the Porky’s movies, but I do remember that Porky kinda reprised his role for another 80’s movie, Better Off Dead, where he owned/managed a fast food joint called Pig Burger and menaced John Cusack into staging a ground-chuck stop-motion Van-Halen sing-along revenge-montage.

    Also, I heard on the radio a while back when Mel Simon (multi-millionaire mall developer and NBA team owner, who coincidentally has a ridiculously huge walled-off estate in the middle of an otherwise normal neighborhood that I regularly drive by) died, that in addition to all that, he was also the producer of the Porky’s series. His quote in the article about his experience with movies was, “I did about 25 movies and I got out of it, thank God — it didn’t cost me any money ultimately… It was a good lesson, and I wouldn’t do it again.”

  7. “But I’m still hoping for a part 4 with the original cast, but now they’re in college.”

    you do realize they’re doing just that right? (except without the original cast) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1346302/

    and get this, it’s from the director of the George Bush movie “DC 9/11: Time of Crisis”

  8. I vaguely remember seeing this on HBO while sleeping over at my friend’s house when I was a kid. I think we watched it because we wanted to see boobs. Therefore, the only part I remember is the Mack the Knife scene. I don’t remember if the boobs were any good. I think they were typical 80’s movie banana boobs.

  9. Griff – wait a minute, Brian Trenchard-Smith directed DC 9/11: TIME OF CRISIS?!? How did I not know this before? Or did I just erase it from my mind? If you didn’t know that’s also the director of DEAD END DRIVE-IN, STUNT ROCK and THE MAN FROM HONG KONG. And LEPRECHAUN IN SPACE.

    I didn’t know about that Porky’s movie in development and kind of doubt it will really be made. It could be good but it would be better with the original cast in their ’50s and it revolves around them turning 21 and being able to enter Porky’s legally.

  10. Don’t forget BMX BANDITS! Have you read Trenchard-Smith’s blog, Vern? He’s got a post up there at the moment amount framing chase sequences and the current tendency towards quick-cutting.

    http://filmindustrybloggers.com/thegenredirector/

    As for the new PORKY’S sequel, I’d flip things around. Set in the 1982, Peewee is in the midst of a mid-life crisis and has bought the run-down Porky’s and re-opened it as a reminder of his carefree youth. A gang of new wave/punk 80s teens keep vandalising his property, harassing his girls etc because he won’t let them in. Then one day they go too far and Peewee has to call together the old gang and get revenge.

  11. Your reviews for the “Porky’s” series were awesome and rad. Have you seen this little pile from 1983 called “Spring Break”? There’s some seriously funny shit in there (just my humble opinion) and I think you might agree….I mean, if you haven’t already seen it.

  12. Vern, it’s off topic, but have you seen this?

    http://tinyurl.com/yc7wb6r

    Good God.

  13. I wonder if kids today are puzzled by raunchy 80’s comedies. They’ve got to be like, “Why are these guys losing their shit because a girl just took her top off? Can’t they just go to google and type in the word ‘tits’ and see some?”

    Someday someone is going to write a “Men, Women and Chainsaws” type book about those movies, because they’re really weird and fascinating. My personal favorite is “Last American Virgin” which is actually improved by the fact that it’s not very funny (I think the director might have wanted to make a serious movie and to get financing he had to disguise it as a teen comedy). It reminded me of some of Verhoeven’s early Dutch films. Also, if you’re planning on seeing LAV do not read anything that gives way the ending. It’s honestly, no hyperbole intended, one of the more brutal uncompromising endings I’ve ever seen in a movie.

  14. “I wonder if kids today are puzzled by raunchy 80’s comedies.” No we are not.

  15. So, when kids see a pair of tits they’re all, “Yadda yadda boing! Hommana hommana hommana!” the way the main characters are in some of those raunchy 80’s comedies? That’s cool…I just figured the internet, and the massive access to pornography it provides, might have killed that a little…

    I lived through that decade and I’m kind of puzzled by those movies. Although, thinking about them, they usually seemed to break down into some variation of this:

    A group of guys who all worked in the same place (a resort, a summer camp, etc..)…or went to the same school, or maybe they were just all going somewhere on vacation.

    The group would consist of certain types like:

    The Cool Guy – Who cared about nothing and had no respect for authority.

    The Cool Guy’s Friend – Who was basically the cool guy but a little more grounded and sensible; maybe he had a steady girlfriend or something.

    The Big Fat Party Animal – aka the John Belushi type.

    The Sensitive Guy – He was with the group, but not of them. This character would always hook up with some girl later on in the movie. And sometimes the sensitive guy would also be:

    The Nerd – who by the end of the movie would learn how to be a party animal.(His science and computer knowledge would come in handy.)

    And sometimes but not always…

    The Guy from the Wrong Side of the Tracks – He was more serious then the other guys, more working class, and more eager to get into fights.

    And these characters always had a nemesis who was usually a rich guy who wanted to tear down the resort or buy up all the beach property or something.

    And they would always pull a “hilarious prank” on this guy, like sending strippers to his fancy dinner party.

    And, at the end of the movie, there was always some weird competition they had to win, like, “Wait a second! It says here that if we win the skiing trophy then the contract becomes null and void!”

  16. Ha ha WS, that’s a great explanation of the ’80s comedy. I would like to add that if there are sequels then a memorable bad guy will return as a good guy (Ogre in REVENGE OF THE NERDS, Bobcat Goldthwait in POLICE ACADEMY, sort of Balbricker in PORKY’S).

  17. WS- of course that shit is goofy. NO ONE acts like that, just like most married men don’t open a fraternity and throw all night keggers and go streaking and accidentally cause the death of octogenarians. But we all laugh at that shit. Comedies, moreso then a lot of fantasy and sci-fi, are completely divorced from anythig that could be termed recognizable human behavior, so it doesn’t really matter ‘when’ they were made or set. The Three Stooges will always be hilarious, regardless of the fact that no one dresses or looks that way anymore.

  18. in case anyone cares, the deal with the dtv Porky’s was it was simply made for next to nothing so some mysterious producers could hold on to the rights for a potential Porky’s remake that’s been supposedly in the works for ages

    so it was made, but never really released, all they did was make it available for some VOD service for like literally a few days and then it disappeared

    I wonder if it will eventually become legendary like that unreleased Fantastic Four movie?

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