DIRECT CONTACT is the new Dolph Lundgren DTV movie directed by Danny Lerner (SHARKS IN VENICE) and written by Les Weldon (RAGING SHARKS). It comes out in the US on Tuesday and has already been released in Thailand, Kuwait, Italy, the Netherlands, Norway, Finland, Denmark and Sweden.When we first meet Dolph as Mike Riggins, life is not the best. #1, he lives in a Balkan prison. #2, he owes a bunch of gangsters money, and some guy spits in his food, so he has to fight everybody and stab a dude in the eyeball. #3, the screws come in and club him like a baby seal. #4, he gets put in solitary. #5, when he pukes up blood a rat comes over and starts eating it.
On the other hand, it’s kind of a cute rat eating the blood he puked up. Not RATATOUILLE cute, but he doesn’t look like he has fleas. Well-groomed. So it could be worse.
Riggins was an ex special forces soldier busted for weapons smuggling. (We later learn that he was smuggling weapons out, to stop the violence.) But a mysterious CIA type gets him out and offers him enough money to pay off his debts if he’ll rescue some kidnapped girl. So he goes for it.
He doesn’t break out the strawberries and cream right away though. He gets beat up again. He gets tossed out of a car. When he finds the girl she knees him in the balls. He throws her in the trunk and when he takes her out he learns that she was there willingly, she hadn’t been kidnapped, not until he came along and threw her in his trunk.
So he brings the girl around trying to figure out why they wanted her so bad, who to trust and how to get his money without throwing her to the wolves. Along the way of course there are some huge explosions, some cars flipping through the air (both with and without flames), a motorcycle chase, etc. He does some karate, some shooting, lucks out and gets missed by snipers. There’s a respectable amount of violence. Most of it’s not that memorable except the guy who set him up, who goes out like one of Gallagher’s watermelons.
This is completely competent DTV action with a fairly involving (if generic) plot and the usual solid performance by Dolph as a gruff but sweet-hearted tough guy. But in DTV it’s nice to have at least a couple unintentional laughs, so I was happy for the scene that in Seagalogy I’d call the “Just How Badass Is He?” scene. This is the moment where a bad guy looks at the hero’s file and freaks out at how badass he is, listing his areas of expert training, medals, wars he was in, etc. For example, in UNDER SIEGE they say, “Expert in martial arts, explosives, weapons and tactics. Silver Star. Navy Cross. Purple Heart with cluster. Security clearance revoked after Panama.”
But for Riggins all they got is “Ex marine corps, weapons transporter, honorable discharge, prison time, solitary. Guy’s a god damn out of control mercenary! This is worse than we thought!”
Like he’s about to shit his pants because the guy was in both the marines and prison. Funny scene.
This is definitely a decent and watchable DTV, but I prefer more flair. More rats eating bloody puke, more mid-air body explosions. The only other thing that seemed very unique to me is an irony in the story involving Helsinki Syndrome. In the beginning the CIA prick warns that the girl may have developed feelings for her kidnappers, and that’s a lie because she hasn’t really been kidnapped. But then Riggins accidentally kidnaps her himself, and sure enough she develops feelings for her kidnapper. And yes, they consummate their kidnapper-kidnapee relationship using adult situations.
But I don’t know, Dolph is handsome enough that I can buy it when he has relations with much younger women. If there are any straight women or gay men in the talkback maybe they can help me out. What do you think: Helsinki, or pure Dolph magic?
Dolph seems determined to replace Seagal as the most prolific DTV star. This year he already released an older (and terrible) one called RETROGRADE, and he still has three more on deck: COMMAND PERFORMANCE, ICARUS (both directed by him) and a UNIVERSAL SOLDIER sequel. Then of course next year he has THE EXPENDABLES. More than any of the other ’80s action stars I think Dolph deserves a comeback. He’s worked hard on the fringes while maintaining dignity, and he looks more badass now than he did in his so-called prime.
I hope THE EXPENDABLES will knock down some doors for him. Shit man, Stallone should make IVAN DRAGO to go alongside ROCKY BALBOA. Somebody should at least give him some supporting roles in some real theatrical movies and see if he knocks ’em on their asses. I bet he would, but oh well. If that never happens at least he has a good record of mostly watchable DTV and seems to be having fun as a director. Long live Dolph, and may a rat never eat his bloody puke.
Originally posted at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/41247
View the archived Ain’t-It-Cool-News Talkback
May 31, 2009, 2:02 a.m. CST
VERN ROCK AICN!!!
You know it. I know it. Harry knows. Stevey Segal knows it.
May 31, 2009, 2:02 a.m. CST
VERN ROCK AICN!!!
You know it. I know it. Harry knows it. Stevey Segal knows it.
May 31, 2009, 2:04 a.m. CST
F*ck. Not only did I double post but…
..I also put “rock” instead of “rocks”. What a fucking twiglet I am. I hope I get skin cancer and die.
May 31, 2009, 2:08 a.m. CST
Dolph kicks ass
He will kick ass in The Expendables. But I also hope he will get some big roles after that.
Dolph deserves a break just like Van Damme and Dacascos.
May 31, 2009, 2:13 a.m. CST
Dolph is a better action star than Segal.
Love you Vern but you gotta admit I’m right here. He has more range, more presence on screen and has at least maintained his physique unlike Segal who has turned into the fat, creepy man with the black jacket who mumbles a lot.<p>All hail Dolph.
May 31, 2009, 2:27 a.m. CST
Stockholm / Helsinki
What’s the Helsinki syndrome? Is this some wierd ass version of the Stockholm syndrome or did you just screw up?
May 31, 2009, 2:59 a.m. CST
I watched Masters of the Universe yesterday
Courtney Cox raped my childhood while I was still a child
May 31, 2009, 2:59 a.m. CST
Needs more GIANT PIG
May 31, 2009, 3:06 a.m. CST
Please no “Tits Out For Attention Girl” today!
DOH! AICN jumps the shark again…
May 31, 2009, 3:09 a.m. CST
Dolph vs. Seagal
I prefer Dolph. I think the problem with Seagal, even in the DTVs he does, is that his primary goal is just to be Steven Seagal. Dolph on the other hand always looks like he’s trying like hell to make the best movie he can given the circumstances. Watch Masters of the Universe and Punisher, you can tell how determined the guy is to make these huge blockbusters. Seagal is just concerned with how badass he looks, Dolph wouldn’t have tried not to die in Executive Decision. So I hope Dolph finally gets a break. He’s no leading man, but no reason he can’t have supporting roles in action flicks.
May 31, 2009, 3:55 a.m. CST
May 31, 2009, 4:07 a.m. CST
Dolph vs. Seagal = fine red mist where segal stood
May 31, 2009, 4:08 a.m. CST
OLEG IS COMING!
May 31, 2009, 4:09 a.m. CST
May 31, 2009, 4:15 a.m. CST
In another universe it might’ve been Dolph playing Whiplash in I
Or Crimson Dynamo, or Crimson Lash, or Whipamo/whoever he is.
May 31, 2009, 4:16 a.m. CST
in Iron Man 2….
May 31, 2009, 4:23 a.m. CST
for a minute there..
by The Amazing G
I was hoping that this was Vern interviewing Dolph
May 31, 2009, 5:04 a.m. CST
Didn’t Dolph play this Jesus guy in Johnny Mnemonic?
I think this was the most unusual use of an action star since Arnie started to make comedies with Ivan Reitman.
May 31, 2009, 5:05 a.m. CST
And rats in movies are always cute.
Everytime they show supposedly filthy sewer rats or something in movies, they look like right ouf the pet shop.
May 31, 2009, 6:56 a.m. CST
More movies need rats eating puke-blood
by Drunken Rage
I’ve said it a million times.
May 31, 2009, 7:09 a.m. CST
Is this a remake or a reboot?
And will it be a PG13?
May 31, 2009, 7:38 a.m. CST
I think this is a subtle Vernism on American’s perceived lack of geographical knowledge. Of course he knew it was Stockholm Syndrome. Right Vern??
May 31, 2009, 7:43 a.m. CST
Vern’s confused by the Die Hard anchorman joke.
And frankly, what stopped me in my tracks in this review was SHARKS IN VENICE, quite possibly the best idea for a movie ever. Gotta see this movie.
May 31, 2009, 7:47 a.m. CST
No Stockholm Syndrome necessary
Dolph is still the sexiest man alive.
May 31, 2009, 8:12 a.m. CST
Yeah he was decent baddie etc in the 80s
I actually agree he could and should get a second shot at mainstream non-DTV movies. Why not?
May 31, 2009, 9:37 a.m. CST
Dolph does rock
he’s kept in fantastic shape. Kept the standards up in his movies. Even if they are working on a lower budget.<p>
JCVD unfortunately had a dip in values but has pulled out of the dive.<p>
Segal has become a joke. Lose the weight, the stupid blouses, jewelry and rat tail pony tail.<p>
Dacascos is imho a 90’s martial artist / Action Hero who never got the break the others had.
May 31, 2009, 9:39 a.m. CST
by Omar B
A a fellow Kykushin karateka I’m waiting on Dolph to do the balls to the wall ass whomping fight movie. No guns, no bombs, old school beating the shit out of guys for 2 hours in the tradition of Bruce Lee, Billy Jack, etc.
May 31, 2009, 9:44 a.m. CST
OK – smuggling weapons out so they wouldn’t be used
is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
May 31, 2009, 9:54 a.m. CST
Dolph is one bad actor
May 31, 2009, 10:29 a.m. CST
What the Hell is Bruce Boxleitner doing in Transmorphers 2 ???
What THE FUCK??!
May 31, 2009, 10:33 a.m. CST
Any Dolph recommendations?
After reading this I’m curious to check out some of Dolph’s other DTV efforts, as I’m only really familiar with him as Ivan Drago and his role in The Universal Soldier. Any recommendations?
May 31, 2009, 10:39 a.m. CST
stockholm you mongoloid
May 31, 2009, 10:49 a.m. CST
Saw Sharks In Venice
Must be missing something, heard a lot of people liked it, dunno why all i saw was a TERRIBLE FUCKING MOVIE of sub tv movie of the week standards.
May 31, 2009, 11:17 a.m. CST
This film needs a prequel
by Ye Not Guilty
Audiences need to see Mike Riggins’s training – his time in the Marines, learning martial arts, etc. There is a richness of character and story here just waiting to be mined for gold.
May 31, 2009, 11:32 a.m. CST
Universal Soldier sequel?
by Bouncy X
since he was torn to pieces in the original, will he be a clone or something? or wait….the twin brother? or maybe they’ll pull a Bride of Chucky and have him be all stiched up from body parts.
May 31, 2009, 11:35 a.m. CST
i’m guessing Helsinki Syndrome is when
you begin to show loyalty to washed up has-beens?
May 31, 2009, 12:01 p.m. CST
Lundgren was maybe the only 80’s action star…
…who was not scared of playing a villain. How often did you hear that people like van Damme, Seagal or Schwarzenegger dropped out of movies or demanded huge rewrites, just because they wanted to keep their heroic screen image?
May 31, 2009, 12:11 p.m. CST
by Omar B
I wouldnt worry about Dacascos, he’s the host of Iron Chef on Food Network. Say what you will but he’s got steady work.
May 31, 2009, 12:30 p.m. CST
Given the writer’s and director’s credentials
I was hoping for more sharks.
May 31, 2009, 12:53 p.m. CST
I don’t really watch DTV movies
so I thought he was sunning on some island this whole time. Trying to think of a way a rat eating blood could be cute has me intrigued though. I keep seeing that his movies are in those redbox things at the supermarket. Maybe I’ll try this one.
May 31, 2009, 1:08 p.m. CST
I Come In Peace
Say what you will about it, but it is one of my favorite movies out of the 80’s. Drug dealers from space? It doesn’t get any better than that!!
May 31, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST
The original Punisher movie was with Dolph. That was not DTV. Still the best Punisher movie if you ask me. I Come In Peace a.k.a. Dark Angel is another non-DTV, I think. Also cool. Of course Showdown In Little Tokyo was very enjoyable. Don’t know if that was DTV.
May 31, 2009, 1:22 p.m. CST
I don’t know…
by wampa 1
…but it sure smells good!
May 31, 2009, 1:29 p.m. CST
Like I said, Dacascos and Van Damme deserve a break. I thought Dacascos was gonna get a break when he was paired up with Jet Li in Cradle 2 The Grave. Leave it up to Hollywood to screw that one up with a worthless end fight with lots of wire shit of not even 5 minutes long. You got two of the best martial arts actors in one movie and you screw it up. Dacascos only made the best American martial arts movie ever called Drive so when you team him up with Jet Li you expect fireworks. But not in Hollywood. Look at what Sammo Hung did with him in Martial Law. That was some good shit.<br><br>
As for Van Damme. The guy has more charisma than most actors today but nobody gives him a big role. He could be an awesome bad guy. Or he could be a funny guy. The man can do comedy. I am convinced that if someone gave him a role in a mainstream movie and doesn’t pay him the gazillion that most unworthy actors get, he would make money for the studios.
May 31, 2009, 1:41 p.m. CST
Question for Vern: Who has the Best “Just How Badass Is He?”
I like Rambo II’s scene…. However, things do get tilted whenever the hero is a Medal of Honor recipient? But in that scene Rambo hits a right combination of quantity and quality with:
* 2 – Silver Star
* 4 – Bronze Stars for Valor
* 4 – Purple Heart
* 1 – Distinguished Service Cross
* 1 – Medal of Honor
May 31, 2009, 1:44 p.m. CST
Apparently there is a deleted scene in Rambo III
… I need to verify but it reads: In a deleted scene from Rambo III, Rambo’s “Class A” uniform can clearly be seen with the following 13 ribbons:
* Medal of Honor – Awarded two and refused another
* Army Distinguished Service Medal
* Distinguished Flying Cross
* Soldier’s Medal
* Bronze Star
* Purple Heart
* Air Medal
* Combat Action Ribbon
* Vietnam Service Medal
* Prisoner of War Medal
* Army Service Ribbon
* Vietnam Wound Medal
* Vietnam Campaign Medal
May 31, 2009, 1:51 p.m. CST
Just give us COMMAND PERFORMANCE!
Direct Contact looks like shit, but I’ve been interested in COMMAND since I read the synopsis. DIE HARD at a Russian rock concert starring Dolph as a doobie smoking drummer who has to save the day.
I DEMAND A RELEASE DATE.
May 31, 2009, 2:12 p.m. CST
Gotta be On Deadly Ground. R. Lee’s awesome hype job on Seagal. “When there is a mission that absolutely cannot fail… he’s the guy they call in to train the troops” Then it just gets more and more awesome.
May 31, 2009, 2:15 p.m. CST
Here you go…
It is wonderful:<p>
May 31, 2009, 2:27 p.m. CST
Glad to see I am not the only one who loves the shit out of that movie, it’s a very underrated film IMO, and shows that Dolph could have and SHOULD have been one of the biggest action stars of the 80’s, and it’s a shame he wasn’t. <P>Oh and as a side note, I HATE that the name of the movie was changed to dark angel or some crap like that, I Come In Peace was a great title, and how about Dolph’s comeback at the end “And you go in pieces asshole” Love it!!!!!
May 31, 2009, 2:29 p.m. CST
I had a long conversation not too long ago…
… about “Ivan Drago.” Would be a great way for Stallone to continue the franchise without ruining the perfect ending we had with “Rocky Balboa.” I would LOVE to see a film about where that guy is 25 years later (if he wasn’t just killed by the KGB before New Year’s Day ’86).
May 31, 2009, 2:29 p.m. CST
Dolph ‘s sidekick
In the movie was a guy named Brian Benben, he was in the HBO comedy “Dream On” which was a pretty good show, aside from that show and I Come In Peace, I don’t know much about his work, gonna have to IMDB him and see what he has done since then.
May 31, 2009, 2:44 p.m. CST
The best ‘JUST HOW BADASS IS HE’ scene is
the one in FIRST BLOOD, when they here John J. is ex-special forces green beret, silver star etc. David Caruso flips out, in fact he seems happy about it and says he ‘knew there was something special about this guy’
May 31, 2009, 2:44 p.m. CST
May 31, 2009, 3:36 p.m. CST
I agree Dolph’s Punisher was the best, the 80s action is still better than today’s best except of course by other 80s alumni.
May 31, 2009, 5:05 p.m. CST
Maybe everybody knows this, but the man actually has PhD in chemistry, just like Asimov. However a good actor? No.
May 31, 2009, 5:06 p.m. CST
Can someone please explain
why the action movies of the 80s blow away most action movies of the 90s and 00s and had just an fragment of the budgets of action movies of nowadays?
May 31, 2009, 5:33 p.m. CST
Because actual ‘movies’ aren’t made anymore
This hit me a while ago. Hardly anyone makes MOVIES anymore, mainly because a huge blurring of TV, Internet, cinema and games has happened which has fucked over the real movie. Now the masses expect game-like CGI cutscenes, loads of self-referrential bullshit and cheap lines in place of actual characterization, TV-like situations and action level etc. The only things that sell movies are the ‘coolness’ level of trailers and the movie’s title. Fucking piece of shit Wolverine and people flock to see it. There are exceptions. Even though there’s PLENTY of CGI in Star Trek it still feels like a proper film, and a modern one at that. Abrams got it totally right. McG went the other way. The question now is can Cameron pull a real movie out of his effects-driven monster? I want it to be brilliant and massively successful, HOWEVER if Avatar sucks due to the overwhelming nature of the CG I want it to fail so no-one pulls this kind of shit again. I wish the prequels had made no money. The blockbuster scene could look quite different right now if that had been the case.
May 31, 2009, 5:35 p.m. CST
“we’re not dealing with a student…
… we’re dealin with THE PROFESSOR!!!” now that was a “just how badass is he” scene for your ass. seriously, after hearing someone described as Segal was in “On Deadly Ground,” how do you *not* instantly drop your weapon, exhale “fuck this shit,” and head home?
May 31, 2009, 5:43 p.m. CST
SO, LIKE ANY EXPENDABLES GOSSIP?
Have Willis and Biehn been cast as Church and Sands yet?
May 31, 2009, 5:44 p.m. CST
Toby_FN_Wong, the answer is CGI effects
The 80s didn’t cop out with computer-generated effects like we have now. The artificial look and feel takes the “danger” out of action sequences.
May 31, 2009, 5:47 p.m. CST
I MUST BREAK YOU
May 31, 2009, 6:08 p.m. CST
So true. Seagal should totally do a sequel as Forrest Taft in “A Fistful of Pesos”.
May 31, 2009, 6:45 p.m. CST
Best Dolph movies
I’m partial to BLACKJACK. I believe it was made for cable, but directed by John Woo in his weird HARD TARGET era where he wasn’t exactly good anymore but still retained some awesomeness combined with crazed Hollywood stupidity. In it he plays a bodyguard who is afraid of the color white protecting a super model from a crazed stalker who for some reason has henchmen on motorcycles with uzis. This is the one that won me over to Dolph because I’d mostly seen him playing grunting Russian oafs before that, but in that one he’s very charismatic (and possibly gay).<p>
BRIDGE OF DRAGONS is kind of a fun one, a weird martial arts/fantasy/sci-fi mix directed by Isaac Florentine and with Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as the villain. (He’s also in SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO which is fun too).<p>
ARMY OF ONE is kind of good, it’s directed by Indiana Jones’s stunt double so it has a bunch of cool car stunts.<p>
As for Helsinki syndrome, it is a rare syndrome with the exact same symptoms as Stockholm syndrome but in my opinion it is a better syndrome. Also, since Dolph was actually born in Stockholm the people he kidnaps can only get syndromes named after other cities.<p>
(Actually I don’t know where the fuck I got that from, but apparently I didn’t make it up since it redirects to “Stockholm Syndrome” on Wikipedia.)
May 31, 2009, 6:52 p.m. CST
Love The Hidden, saw it in the theaters and have it on DVD, and yes it is highly underrated. Did a entry on my blog about it. Have not messed with my blog in some time, but here is the link to what I wrote if you are interested in reading it.<P>http://movietalktime.blogspot.com/2008/11/blast-from-past-4.html
May 31, 2009, 7:22 p.m. CST
Just as long…
…as it has an evil Japanese dude who pulls out a samurai sword and hacks off a guy’s arm for talking back at him, ala Showdown in Little Tokyo. Man, that movie was hardness incarnate.
May 31, 2009, 7:53 p.m. CST
Regarding Brian Benben
He was also in a Masters of Horror episode called Deer Woman that was pretty entertaining (and he was good as always). As for Dolph, he’s actually my favorite 80s action guy – yeah, I know he didn’t have any huge movies or such, but I just liked him more. And his acting has improved dramatically over time. Looking forward to checking out this movie, Command Performance (when it comes out), and of course The Expendables (although I expect he probably has a couple moments max of screen time in that).
May 31, 2009, 7:58 p.m. CST
DOLPH IS LIKE THE FREDDIE MERCURY OF B MOVIES
SO, SO FUCKING GAY YET NONE OF YOU PONCES WANTS TO JUST COME OUT AND ADMIT FOR FEAR OF SHATTERING THE ILLUSION.
May 31, 2009, 7:59 p.m. CST
this straight woman says
Dolph’s got that hard Scandinavian look that just gets better with age imo. Hell, I even hunted down the Japanese laser disc of Johnny Mnemonic just for (much more) Dolph.
But he’s fun, he’s pretty convincing (type-cast though he is) and I hope he gets a chance to get back up on the big screen.
May 31, 2009, 8:07 p.m. CST
Direct Contact with Dolph Lundgren? Does that mean…
by Gus Van Rant
Penis to penis? You are sick Vern! Wow, did I just sound like the late Jim Varney? I think so!
May 31, 2009, 8:34 p.m. CST
Perhaps Cronenberg could put him in “Eastern Promises 2”.
May 31, 2009, 8:42 p.m. CST
Vern, I know where you got it from…it’s a line from Die Hard in which the guest expert is explaining to the news anchor about a supposed “Helsinki Syndrome”(a direct riff on Stockholm Syndrome) and the anchor pompously interjects to the viewing audience “As in, Helsinki Sweden” to which the expert cautiously replies “Finland”. It’s still one of my favorite 15-second jokes in Die Hard, as the anchor is an’80’s Movie, Love-To-Hate “stuffed shirt” type, and it makes him look stupid – again.
May 31, 2009, 10:12 p.m. CST
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
Er um, how about a little film called The Terminator where Arnold Schwarzeneger was offered the role of Reese, and turned it down because he wanted to be the villain. Everyone told him it would be a bad career move, and Arnold laughed all the way to the bank.
June 1, 2009, 1:37 a.m. CST
I also would love to see a DRAGO film
Go for it, Sly!
June 1, 2009, 2:24 a.m. CST
HE IS LIKE IRON
Go Dolph, Go!!
June 1, 2009, 2:44 a.m. CST
Grammaton Cleric Binks
Only that Arnie was pretty much in the beginning of his career at that time and far away from being the superstar, that he was after Terminator. All he had at that time was Conan. And don’t forget that it was Arnie who particularly was responsible, that the Terminator became the hero in the sequel(s), just because he wanted a more heroic image!
June 1, 2009, 4:38 a.m. CST
Dolph is still the best Punisher
June 1, 2009, 4:54 a.m. CST
DOLPH LUDGREN FUCKED YOUR GIRLFRIEND
THATS WHY SHE LOOKED SO HAPPY YESTERDAY.
June 1, 2009, 4:57 a.m. CST
Genre_Baby, marry me!
or at least consider joining the madness/dolph worship in the zone at http://tinyurl.com/mv8uuj <P>
that goes for anyone who wants to talk about the greatness of the lundgren, the trejo, and the bale.
June 1, 2009, 6:05 a.m. CST
by Stuntcock Mike
You end up getting pissed with the guy who kidnaps you. Then, you “glass” him.
June 1, 2009, 6:06 a.m. CST
On Deadly Ground 2: Oil’s Well that Ends Well
by Stuntcock Mike
June 1, 2009, 6:07 a.m. CST
Vern, have you seen MEN OF WAR?
Probably my favorite Dolph film and a nice twist on the SEVEN SAMURAI story.
<p>Also, there’s tits and some gay undertones.
June 1, 2009, 6:40 a.m. CST
Dolph for the win
by Lost Jarv
Dark Angel, Red Scorpion, Showdown in Little Tokyo. <P>Fuck, he’s great.
June 1, 2009, 6:53 a.m. CST
Black Jack is also great
by Lost Jarv
fucking love Dolph.
June 1, 2009, 7:43 a.m. CST
Dolph as Ivan Drago for UNDISPUTED 4!
by Spandau Belly
Has that ever happened before? A supporting character from a sequel in one series becomes a supporting character in a sequel of another series?
June 1, 2009, 8:10 a.m. CST
Damn, Spandau has his thinking cap on
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
Drago, banished to Siberia decades ago for choking his commie handler, now has a gulag-chiseled body, mastered more fighting skills than just boxing, and is ready to break loose.
June 1, 2009, 8:12 a.m. CST
Has anyone seen Agent Red or Red Agent
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
Whatever it was called I could have snagged it for $3 at Big Lots. I would have grabbed Men of War in a heartbeat, but this one looked iffy.
June 1, 2009, 9:39 a.m. CST
June 1, 2009, 9:41 a.m. CST
agent red: dolph wanted a lambo, needed $, made this
June 1, 2009, 3:12 p.m. CST
A Swedes opinion: Dolph’s best movie…
…is definitely The Punisher from ’89. It sure as hell kicks Travolta’s ass better than Thomas Jane.
June 1, 2009, 3:14 p.m. CST
Also – Thomas Jane sounds lika a girl’s name…
…wheras Dolph is cool. How many guys do you know are named Dolph? Didn’t think so.
June 1, 2009, 6:06 p.m. CST
Dunno the shit he’s smoking.
But I want some of it. Very funny. We all could do with some more Dolph in our lives.
June 1, 2009, 9:11 p.m. CST
Dolph should come here…
ala Stallone style q&a and let’s help his career! A lot of these guys need a slap in the face from us to let them know what we like.
June 1, 2009, 11:20 p.m. CST
Oleg > chuck norris > segal > batman
June 3, 2009, 2:58 a.m. CST
Movie_Grinder, whenever someone says that it sounds like a dominatrix fucking machine or contraption.
Feb. 15, 2010, 3:29 a.m. CST
XcHvQg <a href=”http://ppgxgb.com/ “>ClFAYqY</a>
Feb. 15, 2010, 3:30 a.m. CST
hCHqfrzI <a href=”http://cmejhl.com/ “>IjqtPBK</a>
Feb. 15, 2010, 7:37 a.m. CST
Testing out multiple accounts?
VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.