I, ROBOT is a movie that I had low expectations for when I saw it that summer, and it exceeded them, so it seemed pretty good. Re-watching it now it’s still pretty good but maybe a little less pretty good now that I expected it to be pretty good.
If you haven’t seen it, it’s a mystery story in a sci-fi world of 2035 where helpful robots are a common household appliance. Will Smith plays Detective Del Spooner (Spanish for “Detective of the Spooner”), an arrogant, trenchcoat-wearing Chicago cop who is horribly racist against robots and always trying to accuse them of crimes, even though they’re programmed to always protect humans and have never in history committed a crime. His boss (Chi McBride) is constantly embarrassed by this fucking idiot working for him but must have an old friendship with him and feels sorry for him enough not to fire his ass like would probly happen to anybody else fucking up as bad and often as this fuckin guy does and always acting like a total crazy person in front of numerous witnesses both at work and in public. (read the rest of this shit…)
THE ARTIST is an enjoyable, cleverly made tribute movie by the French director (Michel Hazanavicius) and star (Jean Dujardin) of those O.S.S. 117 movies, which from what I have heard are also enjoyable, cleverly made tribute movies. In this one the guy plays George Valentin, beloved silent film star, on top of the world right before the dawn of the sound era. And then he’s in trouble. (read the rest of this shit…)
I always try to stay up to date on my favorite action movie guys. I accept them as human beings who age and deteriorate like all of us do (not including Prince), and I am very interested in their later works. But alot of people don’t, they turn on their stars if the oxygen ever hits their skin or if their metabolism betrays their bellies. That Australian beer commercial with Steven Seagal that came out recently, I saw comments on other sights it was posted and everybody fixated on his weight, obviously not having seen any of the 26 movies or two seasons of reality TV he’s done in the past 10 years. Same thing with Stallone, every time he comes out with a new one people start gagging about him being old, like it’s the most appalling thing they’ve ever seen. This is just the people reinforcing Hollywood’s obsession with young pretty people, but look at Clint. He’s older, greyer, more withered and hoarse than either of those guys, and I don’t think I’ve heard anybody feelin lucky enough to make fun of him for it. (read the rest of this shit…)
This is the story of a world not too far off where everything is similar to now except that Converse All Stars are rare and robots are common. Instead of the other way around. These robots are used to walk dogs, clean the house, chop the vegetables, etc. Everybody loves them, the same way assholes today love their cell phones and their iPods. And they got these new ones coming out pretty soon, the US Robotics corporation is making a big deal about it. These ones talk more like humans and have cute little rubber noses and they are see-through like my iMac. When they talk you can see little dealies moving around inside their heads. Good job on that detail, computer animators. (read the rest of this shit…)
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if that's your thing:
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(NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I don't get residuals on them like I do WORM ON A HOOK and NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them because I'm proud of them)
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THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN
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Recent commentary and jibber-jabber
KayKay on Striptease: “So interestingly, in 1996, Demi Moore made 2 mediocre adaptations of far superior books. This was also the year she…” Jul 4, 07:24
Miguel Hombre on Striptease: “Carl Hiaasen produced a long series of banger novels right up to the late 20teens , but beginning with ‘Razor…” Jul 4, 05:56
CJ Holden on Striptease: “Kids these days have no idea how hated a movie could be in the pre-internet days. There was no social…” Jul 3, 22:26
Franchise Fred on Striptease: “When I was working at the movie theater some of the teenage ushers got in trouble for repeatedly sneaking into…” Jul 3, 17:44
Aktion Figure on Supergirl (2026): “I think the script was just not *there*. It has all the juice but without a stronger hook, if ONLYin…” Jul 3, 16:49
JTS on Striptease: “I also saw this for the first time very recently. After enjoying the Bad Monkey TV series on Apple TV…” Jul 3, 15:46
burningambulance on Striptease: “Carl Hiassen’s books are pretty good — he’s written a whole string of semi-farcical, somewhat cartoonish crime novels set in…” Jul 3, 15:22
MaggieMayPie on Supergirl (2026): “I wasn’t going to comment on this movie, because I really don’t think I have much to say that’s interesting.…” Jul 3, 13:25
Borg9 on Lone Star: “No, you’re right Vern. Sayles is too smart a writer not to know that an incest plotline would connect people…” Jul 3, 13:19
VERN on Lone Star: “Borg9 – I’m not saying it has the same meaning as CHINATOWN, I just saw a critic compare it to…” Jul 3, 12:53
Miguel Hombre on Lone Star: “I have probably been the most consistent voice talking up John Sayles around these parts – apologies if I have…” Jul 3, 12:14
Curt on Supergirl (2026): “Dtroyt, I very much agree with you about “—girl” characters who seem “like lesser versions of the male characters with…” Jul 3, 11:04
Jane Patrick on The Hot Rock and The Stepfather: “There is now yet another “Stepfather”. This one has apparently two brand new twists: firstly, the stepfather is black; secondly,…” Jul 3, 09:30
Ben Railton on Lone Star: “@AlexR, I got to ask Sayles about those seeming contradictions in the ending/last line at an event in Philly long…” Jul 3, 08:16
Ben Railton on Lone Star: “Sayles is my favorite filmmaker and this is my favorite movie, so I sure could try to talk you up…” Jul 3, 07:17