"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Archive for the ‘Thriller’ Category

Fight Club

Monday, October 11th, 1999

Fight ClubFirst of all thanks guys for making my first column a success, by reading it.

Also i’m sorry my sight has been offline I don’t know WHAT the fuck is wrong with geocities.

now every so often there is a movie that comes along that really hits a motherfucker right in the balls and says LOOK AT ME, MOTHERFUCKER – I AM A CLASSIC.

the motherfucker i’m talking about is of course fight club, the new movie by david fincher. david fincher for those of you who don’t know is a director of beer commercials from the ’80s. like beer commercials Fight club is a movie with assloads of style. unlike commercials, this is a movie about NOT buying products, or rather not buying into the idea that material objects are your life. the star is a guy by the name of “narrator” who is kind of a yuppie type dude working at a car company, wearing a tie, traveling around to take a look at burnt up cars.

by the way, don’t read this column if you haven’t seen fith club. id on’t want to ruin it for you. Just go to the bottom and order something from reel.com so a motherfucker can eat.

Now i don’t think i have to tell you this dude narrator is not happy, and that is why when his condo gets blown to shit, he decides to squat in the most fucked up house you ever saw. this is a piece of shit with no water, electricity, tv and falling apart. and narrator is happier than ever because when it comes down to it a nice condo is not worth a fucking penny compared to living life the way you want to.

actually iguess i don’t have to explain it because you guys have already seen it. sorry. So here is what I think. (read the rest of this shit…)

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Posted in Action, Drama, Reviews, Thriller, Vern Tells It Like It Is | 16 Comments »

The Sixth Sense

Friday, August 6th, 1999

This is one of Bruce’s more gentle movies where he is not a Badass. There is not exploding in this one and he never says a funny line after he kills someone because, to be frankly honest, he never kills ANYONE in this movie. However despite this disappointment I think alot of motherfuckers will like this movie if it catches on on the videos.

Bruce plays Malcolm Crowe, a psychologist type dude who just won an award for his work with the children. Unfortunately a naked guy is in his bathroom and shoots him. Turns out naked man was a former patient of his and lets face it, SOMEBODY dropped the ball on this kid he ends up in Bruce’s bathroom, waving a gun around, WITH NO CLOTHES ON. I have known a lot of motherfuckers who shot people or broke into their houses, some with no shirts on. This is pretty popular in fact for guys with big muscles or tattoos of any kind. Even a guy who has just a Tasmanian devil tattoo wants to show it off for some reason, I mean jesus christ these tattoo guys and their vanity. Anyway sometimes guys do it with no shirt on, and sometimes guys do it in their boxer shorts, when it’s on short notice and they didn’t have time to put pants on. You know, crimes of passion. But in another mans’ house WITH NO CLOTHES let me tell you that’s a whole different ballpark in my opinion.

A year later or something Bruce has a new patient who reminds him quite a fucking bit of the naked man when he was a kid. You start to figure out right away that Bruce is trying to redeem himself by solving this case. I have never been into the psychologist scene so I’m not sure but I bet he was embarrassed about the whole no clothes thing I mentioned. I mean people start snickering and you gotta do something, you gotta prove that you know how to help a kid. (read the rest of this shit…)

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Posted in Bruce, Drama, Mystery, Reviews, Thriller | 5 Comments »

Run Lola Run

Friday, June 18th, 1999

I have seen people arguing about Run Lola here so I decided to check it out today. I have always believed in thinking for yourself and a man has a right to his opinion. The movie? what can i say. I don’t know a whole lot about german movies so i didn’t understnad all of it.

I did pretty good with the words on the screen but the story plot was pretty messed up in a way. for example the way it has cartoons in it, or lola dies and then suddenly it’s at the beginning of the movie again. What the fuck? everybody in the theater was just laughing, it was so weird.

however i must say otherwise it was pretty interesting shit, pretty god damn interesting in my opinion. Lola, for instance, that bitch can really run. she don’t sweat, either. I know from experience that takes a lot of skill and conditioning. To be frankly honest I have not run from the cops as often as many. Not to brag but i just didn’t get found out too often. I have had my shares of mad dashes for the woods however. Trust me no matter how often you lift weights or whatever when you start to run it is not a pretty fucking sight. your heart is beating fast and the adrenaline and everything, but your about ready to piss yourself. you can feel the sweat dripping down your sides, the mud soaking into your socks (if your lucky enough to have them), taste the blood in your dry mouth. it’s pretty fucked up as far as I’m concerned and I would not recomend it to anyone. you start to cramp up and your breath is burning up your lungs and you just want to lay down and take a fucking nap or something. When was the last time you ran? Cooped up in that cage it’s not even possible. What are you gonna do run in circles? so anyway that’s how i know this bitch is a pretty fucking good runner in my opinion. (read the rest of this shit…)

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Posted in Reviews, Thriller | 14 Comments »

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