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Vern’s Top 10 Christmas Crime Movies on Fanhattan

As I mentioned a month or two ago, frequent outlawvern.com commenter Franchise Fred Topel hooked me up to write some posts for this thing called Fanhattan. It’s… something to do with streaming movies, but their blog/interface/thing has lots of movie news and features and stuff. And their official editorial policy is against “snark,” so I like that.

Today I have a piece introducing people to my beloved subgenre of Christmas crime. Also I contributed one to their worst holiday movies of all time, but it’s a movie I really enjoy. I just can’t claim it’s not terrible. You’ll see.

Check it out, and maybe if you’re so inclined write some comments with your own Christmas crime recommendations or whatever. It would make me look good.

Related posts:

  1. Vern’s thoughts one week after terrorist attacks
  2. Avatar: The Way of Water
  3. The Silent Partner
  4. The Death of Bruce Lee
This entry was posted on Thursday, December 20th, 2012 at 4:19 pm and is filed under Blog Post (short for weblog). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
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30 Responses to “Vern’s Top 10 Christmas Crime Movies on Fanhattan”

  1. highlander

    December 20th, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    top 10 christmas crime movies, no die hard? really?

  2. Vern

    December 20th, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    I consider Christmas crime a separate genre from action, which is why I mentioned DIE HARD, LETHAL WEAPON etc. in the intro.

    It goes without saying that DIE HARD is in the top 10 *anything*, it doesn’t need a list like this.

  3. CaptainTass

    December 20th, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    Hey, Vern…how can I get a copy of ‘Yippee Ki-Yay Moviegoer’ and be sure that you are getting some money off of the deal?

  4. CrustaceanHate

    December 20th, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    As soon as you said “worst holiday movie” I knew exactly which one you were talking about. The thing I remember most about that film (apart from Ricky’s performance, “Garbage Day” etc) is a really impressive and crazy-dangerous car stunt where Ricky shoots a car and it inexplicably flips up on on it’s side and slides along on two wheels just a couple of feet away from the stuntman.

    I do like that even with a “worst of” list you pick something that fills your heart with Christmas joy and cheer etc. I’m not sure how some of those other movies made the list. It seems like much more deserving Christmas-exploiting stinkers (eg CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS) get released every year, and that’s not even counting the made-for-TV crap like CHRISTMAS SHOES (check your local Lifetime channel listings for more details).

    Anyway I do like that the reviews actually explain why the movies are bad and point out that some of them are actually fun to watch. That’s cool.

  5. CrustaceanHate

    December 20th, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    I said reviews but I meant, you know, entries or something. Too much nog.

  6. highlander

    December 20th, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    my bad vern, sorry, i’m slow some days.

  7. Vern

    December 20th, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    Captain – I get a little bit from each copy sold. Buy it from your local book store if you have one or if you buy it from Amazon go through my link or the search engine in the right column and I get a little bit from that too. Thanks bud, I appreciate it.

  8. Vern

    December 20th, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    No problem Highlander. It’s an important distinction to make.

  9. Sternshein

    December 21st, 2012 at 12:36 am

    I really dont understand how anybody could like In Bruges. It is terribly unfunny and way too self important. It gets especially terrible whem Ralph Fiennes shows up.

  10. pegsman

    December 21st, 2012 at 2:24 am

    Sternsheim, different taste? I find it terribly funny and easily Colin Farrell’s best movie. Even if he is outshined by the marvelous Gleason.

  11. The original Paul

    December 21st, 2012 at 3:56 am

    I don’t like “In Bruges”. I LOVE “In Bruges”. Brandan Gleason is predictably fantastic (has he ever not been?) and I couldn’t disagree more with the criticism of Ralph Fiennes. Seeing him play the character that he’s playing in this one is a revalation, and he does it brilliantly.

    One of these days I gotta see “Bad Santa”. I still haven’t yet, but it seems like absolutely everybody loves that movie.

    I actually bought “The Silent Partner” on DVD but haven’t got around to watching it yet. The same with “Bereavement” (although I did really like “Malevolence” despite its obvious constraints in terms of budget and some ropey acting).

    On the Christmas list – I can’t comment on Vern’s choice because I haven’t seen it. “Santa Claus the movie” is somebody’s choice for worst holiday film ever though, and that depresses me. Ok, I’d hesitate to call it “good” but I kinda love this one. Lithgow is SO over-the-top, David Huddleston is surprisingly personable as Santa Claus, and the elf makes for a likeable enough protagonist. The kids are terrible, but hey, it’s an eighties movie, when are they not?

  12. The original Paul

    December 21st, 2012 at 3:57 am

    On the “worst films” list, I shoulda said in that last paragraph.

  13. Sternshein

    December 21st, 2012 at 6:27 am

    In Bruges is so predictable and really stupid. Might have to create a thread on the board for it so I dont have to spoil the dumb shit that movie does.

  14. Shoot McKay

    December 21st, 2012 at 7:14 am

    Sternshein -Please do, so the rest of us who enjoy IN BRUGES don´t have to read it.

  15. Ryan Raze

    December 21st, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    No love for The Ref???

  16. CaptainTass

    December 21st, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    ‘In Bruges’ is hilarious…definitely my favorite Colin Farrell flick. I wouldn’t call it one of the best Xmas movies ever but I always watch ‘Just Friends’ around the holidays just because I think Ryan Reynolds Amy Smart is so sexy.

  17. onthewall2983

    December 21st, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    There’s not really a whole lot of crime in THE REF. Yeah, the family is technically held hostage but that’s sort of shrugged off in favor of delving into how screwed up they all are, thus Leary’s character acting as a referee in the situation.

  18. Sternshein

    December 21st, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Good point Shoot. Good point.

  19. GQtaste

    December 21st, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    Good call on Ice Harvest. Have to check out Dead Bang. Never heard of it before and of course Bad Santa is excellent.

  20. pete medina

    December 22nd, 2012 at 3:18 am

    How about “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.”? Nice shot of Michelle Moganahan in Santa suit, fun movie to watch.

  21. Vern

    December 22nd, 2012 at 3:58 am

    Yeah Pete, I lumped that in with the other two Shane Black movies as action, but it could definitely have fit right in with the ones on my list.

  22. The original Paul

    December 22nd, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Shoot – obviously I disagree with Sternshein on “In Bruges”, but be nice. It can be very frustrating indeed when everybody loves a movie that you hate. (Did somebody mention “Casino Royale?”)

  23. pegsman

    December 22nd, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Or if you love a movie nobody else has seen; A PISTOL FOR RINGO!!!

  24. Sternshein

    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:24 am

    I am just glad I was able to say my peace and Ill move on. You know, I love the opening to Casino Royale. Think it is one of the best action sequences of all time but Im not sure I have seen the whole thing. But hooray for Christmas crime movies.

  25. ShootMcKay

    December 23rd, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Sternshein -Sorry about that. I just felt an sudden urge of being a dickish troll. Its not always fun being nice all the time.

    Also, I´d like to take the opportunity to wish Vern and my fellow partners in crime on this sight a Merry Fucking Christmas. A christmas I will be spending reading Arnies autobiography Total Recall. What will y’all be doing?

  26. Pike Bishop

    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:26 am

    What about “The Thin Man” ? If i remember right, William Powell shoots the Chrismas Balls from the Tree.
    I dont know if thats enough to call it Chrismas Crime, but it´s a great movie anyway.
    And i love “Reindeer Games”. Remember the Powowow Safe.

  27. ShootMcKay

    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:01 am

    What I was saying was: Merry Christmas, motherfuckers and a happy fuckin´´ year! Bless you all.

  28. windows

    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Fellas’

    Merry Christmas!(or whatever you’re celebrating) and whatnot. Looking forward to another year of being schooled in the ways of Badass cinema.
    Cheers!

  29. Franchise Fred Topel

    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Hey, whats the new quote from? :)

  30. The original Paul

    December 26th, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Franchise Fred – I think it was that “Hitman” movie starring Timothy Olyphant.

    (Seriously though… I’ve recognised all of the quotes but two so far. How does that compare? Am I cooking on gas, or should I be strung up for missing TWO of these really obvious references?)

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