This movie is a USA Original Picture on the USA cable network. Now you may be thinking that means its not a real movie, why is vern writing about it, it doesn’t matter. Well hear me out bud. I think it does matter. Yes, I think it does matter and I am going to tell you why. Because, my friend, this is a USA Original PIcture. And what that means, in my opinion, is that they are gonna rerun this movie forever. I mean what do you think their gonna play late at night, or early in the afternoon, or at 8:00 am or pm, when they need two hours to fill. Are they gonna play Teen Wolf? Just One of the Guys? X-Man?
No. No no and no. They are gonna play Cabin By the Lake, because it’s a USA original picture. And that is two hours where they could have been playing a chuck norris movie or what have you. Maybe even van damme. So this IS important. you want this picture to be good because, let’s face it, these are the ones that count.
Well the picture does start out pretty good, with this Judd Nelson playing a screenwriter who’s on the phone with his agent, jumping all over his balls saying “where’s the script, why isn’t it finished, what are you doing.” And he says, “What am I doing? Well, I kidnapped a girl, I have her chained up so I can find out about her motivation, I can drown her if you want, ha ha ha.” And the nice thing is, he’s not joking. This ain’t foreshadowing, folks. He already has a secret soundproof room where he keeps his victims and then he chains them up and sinks them to the bottom of the lake and goes down there and plays dress up with them and calls it “tending my garden.” What he is in my opinion is some kind of sick fuck. But it’s nice that we don’t get some long boring setup about how this dude gets pushed to the edge of insanity and finally decides to begin kidnapping girls to improve his characterization. No, just cut straight to the nutball. (more…)
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