"We're still at war, Plissken. We need him alive."

"I don't give a fuck about your war... or your president."

Okay, okay. Let’s get this over with.

tn_seagalpaintedI didn’t think this was a big deal and didn’t want to say much about it, but I keep getting emails and comments making sure I know about this lawsuit against Chief Seagal. So, fair enough. Alot of people seem to be interested in my thoughts so I will address the situation here.

First of all, I will cop to being an expert on Seagal’s movies. But that doesn’t mean I have any more insights into this than anybody else. I don’t know the man and I’m not even a biographer or anything, I just analyze the movies. (And albums. And beverages.)

Also, it doesn’t really change anything. Of course I would prefer that he was a nice guy, or at least a non-sex-slaver. But my interests are in his movies. Steve McQueen did some foul shit, I wouldn’t give him a humanitarian award, but he’s still awesome in movies. That said (as Harry would say), I believe these charges are bullshit. If it just said he grabbed her boobs or something, I would probly buy it. (And I believe he’s been accused of things like that more than once over the years.) But the idea of him having Russian sex slaves in his house seems, uh, a little far-fetched.

I mean, maybe during the UNDER SIEGE days, but I don’t think his career is at that point right now. (wocka wocka)

But seriously friends. This is a hint. If you ever find out that a celebrity or non-celebrity has sex slaves in his house, you should report it to the police and have it investigated. You should not sue him over it in civil court. If somebody is is guilty of sexual assault and sex trafficking it means they get punished, it doesn’t mean you get money.

I suspect this will be immediately proven as crazy nonsense and thrown out of court. That’s why I wasn’t taking it very seriously. Unfortunately now I’m reading that the sheriff forced asked them to stop filming LAWMAN because of the accusations. The specific reasoning for this has been left up to speculation, and, saying “I informed A&E and ITTV that I did not believe at the present time in light of all of this interest and in light of the filing of this particular lawsuit and in light of the disruptive behavior that may end up existing … that I did not think it would be in our best interest to continue filming at the present time.”

I’m confused though because the original press release announcing a second season of LAWMAN implied that it had already been shot during Mardi Gras.

There are already details coming out that make the accuser look bad, but I won’t get into those because I guess if she was for real there would be a smear campaign against her to make her seem unreliable.

Hopefully he’s innocent, will be proven so, and the show (and whatever movies he’s working on) won’t have too much of an interruption. But we’ll see.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 14th, 2010 at 11:29 pm and is filed under Blog Post (short for weblog). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

29 Responses to “Okay, okay. Let’s get this over with.”

  1. Sorry for bringing it up in the comments on DISORDERLIES, I was just in a state of shock.

  2. That’s okay. I should’ve known to address it sooner, if for no other reason than to protect the sanctity of DISORDERLIES.

  3. I’ll start taking this seriously when two more ex PAs come forward saying the same shit. Until then, Occam’s Razor tells me it’s just somebody abusing the US court system for money / attention /revenge / power trip / whatever.

    Course that doesn’t stop the rest of the internet talking about this shit like he’s already been tried and convicted. Michael Jackson much?

  4. Also, how do you sue somebody for enslaving SOMEONE ELSE? Or is a lawsuit just a convenient way to accuse somebody of whatever the hell you want without being sued yourself?

  5. This is not a celebrity gossip website so I don’t know why it is so important for Vern to have an opinion about this. He is not a lawyer or an expert on the Russian sex trade. (as far as I know).

    I think it is unfair to demand that Vern comments on everything Segal does as if Vern is somehow responsible or something.

    Next thing we are going to ask him to comment on Bruce Willis’s latest relationship with some supermodel. Is it really necessary ?

    Of course Vern is free to write about whatever he wants but he shouldn’t HAVE to comment on all the crazy shit celebrities get up to because he likes their movies.

  6. Normally yes, but in this case, Mr Seagal has a “reality” show on in which he portrays a policeman, and that show has been shut down because of this, so you could argue that the line has been crossed and it is now affecting Mr Seagal’s artistic output – upon which Vern is an expert.

  7. Yeah Pheteesh, I mean, that’s how I felt at first. But I am the only guy that’s written a book about Seagal. I shouldn’t be surprised if people are curious what I’ll say about some crazy shit like this.

    I have no comment on the alleged supermodel breakup though.

  8. I have a few Russian sex slaves in basement, occasionally I will throw them a potato and bottle of vodka

  9. I think he’s innocent.

  10. griff, not cool.

  11. so anyways, this is bullshit. you don’t go to civil court for this shit. worst is no more lawman for a while and thats fucking awfull.

  12. Jareth Cutestory

    April 15th, 2010 at 7:13 am

    Worst case scenario: Seagal is found guilty, enters sexaholic rehab; films new A&E series about recovery process, Duchovney guest stars with Tiger Woods; SEAGALOGY becomes an Oprah Pick; controversial Oscar nomination for Seagal as Supporting Actor in MACHETTE; these forums are over-run with wannabes; Vern retires to an island somewhere near that guy who drew THE FAR SIDE.

  13. The guy from THE FAR SIDE comes out of retirement and draws a comic depicting Seagal’s personal hell, which is to be attacked by a horde of giant wrists and testicles.

  14. Jareth Cutestory

    April 15th, 2010 at 7:49 am

    If this story blows up to Tiger Woods proportions (it won’t), it’s entirely possible that Larry King’s people will get in touch with Vern,
    asking if The Country’s Foremost Authority on Seagal will appear on air to discuss the issue.

    I like to think that Vern would send that robot he used for his video script review. And that he’d dress the robot in a DON”T BE ELLIS t-shirt.

  15. The guy who made the bomb-disposal robot for LAW ABIDING CITIZEN was lurking around the sight recently. I’m sure Vern could reach out to him to design a Vernbot for public appearances/mysteriousness.

  16. Russian sex slaves? Sounds like season two of The Wire…(wink wink)

  17. Oh no, Wire spoilers!

    Yeah he’s totally innocent. The story is so ridiculous, especially for something NOT BEING REPORTED TO AUTHORITIES. She probably got fired a while ago, then read that he’s getting “Lawman” renewed and that turned on a little light bulb with a dollar sign on it in her head. If this does turn out to be true, then this lady should also get in trouble for NOT REPORTING SEX SLAVERY TO THE AUTHORITIES.

    I hope he not only gets out of this but also doesn’t end up having to pay her any settlement either.

  18. I’ll admit, I too was curious what Vern thought about all this, but I wouldn’t want to demand that he interrupt his awesome stream of reviews to talk about it. When the day is done, I’d rather read about old James Garner movies that I wish I could find instead of stupid ladies putting action heroes through horseshit.

  19. Speaking of far-fetched, the report she filed said Segal flew her to the set of Lawman on a private jet. Steven Segal doesn’t have access to a private jet!!

  20. Wow. Obviously I meant ‘Seagal’.

  21. AND I never realized that the cheerleaders of the Seahawks are directly called his last name. That makes them the best cheerleaders in the NFL.

  22. Looks like they ended his show now too. He had to turn in his gun and badge.

  23. Griff that is awesome.

  24. I’m moving soon and have already packed my copy of Seagalogy, so forgive me if this is old news but this Seagal commercial is pretty great.

    http://www.visit4info.com/details.cfm?adid=24647

  25. There’s a whole series of these ads by Orange. The latest has Danny Glover complaining about the film he’s just made (“Dial Hard”) and refusing to do the press junket.

    Some of them are pretty clever – especially the Roy Scheider one (“Roy – you need to get a bigger phone!”).

  26. steven seagal: outlaw?

  27. Sorry guys – I wish I could stand up in Seagal’s defense too, but Seagalogy, after all, is based on the fact that he works in the same personal themes (and persona) in all his movies, and these accusations directly contradict that. So we shouldn’t be expected to entirely separate this scandal from his work. I mean, I’ll still enjoy Seagal films the way we still enjoy the Mad Max and Lethal Weapons movies after Mel Gibson’s scandal, but I wouldn’t criticize anyone if they couldn’t separate the two and didn’t enjoy Seagal’s movies anymore

    And I’m not sure about the Russian sex slaves, but I do remember 10 years ago when both Jenny McCarthy and Jaime Pressly said he harassed them (at an Under Siege 2 audition and the set of Ticker, respectively), and I don’t think either one did it to further their careers or make a quick buck. We also have to remember this is the guy who cheated on his second wife with Kelly LeBrock, and then cheated on her with the nanny. Again, not saying he did it, but I can’t be as quick to defend him as I want to be.

    On a side note – exactly what role was McCarthy auditioning for in Under Siege 2 anyway? I can’t see her in the Brenda Bakke role (Pentagon lady who gets thrown from the train) and she was a bit too famous to be the cocktail waitress who gets shot in the leg.

  28. Regarding reality shows, I think Vern should do a reality entry where he writes about what all goes down in his day. I’m curious to read the nitty gritty details of how an outlaw filmatist fan gets his movie on and whatnot done for the site.

    I haven’t heard anything about Seagal housing sexslaves, but I’m gonna google it. Sounds preposterous. I’d be more inclined to believe he went to a brothel where there were sexslaves, but that’s just me guessing.

  29. It’s gonna get worse for the poor bastard by the time Kelly LeBrock gets done with him in her “book”–

    http://www.tmz.com/2010/04/19/steven-seagal-kelly-lebrock-ex-wife-sexual-harassment/

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