I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

Steven Seagal: Lawman episodes 1 and 2

tn_lawman2For 20 years we have known the legend of Steven Seagal. He was the aikido teacher, the white man who ran a dojo in Japan and later impressed people in Hollywood so much they made him a movie star. He wrote and produced many of his movies, directed one of them, created a unique persona. He got more and more into Buddhism and Zen, sometimes working them into his movies, eventually being declared by somebody as a reincarnated Tulku.

During this decade, suddenly, we learned that he was a bluesman too. It seemed ridiculous at first, but it was true. It seemed so out of the blue that you could assume it was just a new phase he was going through, but looking back over old articles I found references to him playing guitar even back in his youth in Japan. And I heard and saw him with my own ears and eyes, and he could play, and his band was tight.

So we got used to that, now all the sudden you’re telling me he’s been a cop for 20 years? In his spare time, like in between the 37 movies he’s filmed? Man, I have trouble working a day job and writing movie reviews, this guy is filming several movies a year, recording albums, going on tour and chasing carjackers?

mp_lawmanThe first I ever heard of Seagal’s police work was on a February 2007 episode of a British comedy show called The Friday Night Project. In Seagalogy I wrote about the episode and mentioned, “He also makes some very questionable claims about being Deputy Chief of his ‘local community’ of Jefferson Parish, indicating at the prompting of an audience member that he has been involved in shootouts there.” I’ll be honest, I didn’t believe him at all. But then I heard he was making a reality show about it.

STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN started Wednesday with two half hour episodes on the A&E network. They each begin with this text:

“For 20 years, Steven Seagal has been a deputy in the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office, a job he’s kept out of the limelight… until now.

This program shows real people being arrested by real police officers. They are presumed innocent until proven guilty.”

(So it’s one part badass, one part legal disclaimer.)

EPISODE 1: THE WAY OF THE GUN

Early in episode 1 there’s a reality show version of the ABOVE THE LAW prologue: Seagal narrating his life story over black and white photos of him teaching aikido. He explains that 20 years ago Harry Lee, then sheriff of Jefferson Parish, brought him in to teach weapons retention tricks to his officers, and that he was impressed with what he was doing and asked him to join the force.

Cut to now, with Seagal and four others travelling in two SUVs. The A&E websight calls them “his hand-selected elite team of deputies,” but I’ll call them the Seagal Squad. The Seagal Squad are patrolling what Seagal calls “the ‘jects”. They’re armed with guns, tasers, spotlights, but most importantly Seagal’s super power:

“As a lifelong practicioner of the martial arts I’m trained to remain calm in the face of adversity and danger. When the world is speeding by for others I see things for what they are. A cock of the head, a foot planted forward or back, a flip of the wrist, they all tell me something – whether someone’s gonna fight, pull a gun, or run.”

I guess it makes sense that his experience in martial arts would make him pay special attention to those specific things, but you gotta laugh because of the sound effects, white flashes and slo-mo the show uses to show what the world looks like with Seagal Sense. This, thankfully, will be a recurring theme on STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN, as will Seagal saying that he’s a life-long practicioner of the martial arts. He mentions it at least 2 or 3 times per episode, both in narration and in conversation.

LAWMAN’s first taste of action is to join in the pursuit of a carjacker. Seagal tries to navigate from the passenger seat, but his partner Col. John Fortunato says, “Steven, let me drive.” So don’t go thinking the super powers means this show is one big ego stroke for Seagal. They’re already showing him annoying his partner. Fortunato doesn’t want to be told “where the holes are,” so Seagal can only contribute by saying encouraging phrases like “Get him Johnny!” and “That’s what I’m talkin bout!”

The police manage to box the carjacker in and capture him. In a movie we’d see Seagal take the guy out himself, here we only get to see him run up and join a pigpile already in progress. It’s unclear what exactly is going on – someone keeps yelling “Taser! Taser!” but I’m not sure if that means they’re tasering him or requesting a tasering, but before things get more out of control Seagal yells, “Everybody calm down! We got him!” His training to remain calm in the face of adversity and danger will help prevent any Rodney King type overreactions.

Next, Chief Seagal helps his friend Capt. Alex Norman practice marksmanship so he doesn’t fail his annual weapons test and end up behind a desk. Seagal refers to himself as “a master shooter” and compares his gun technique to Zen archery. After teaching Alex to shoot “more Asian” he sets up matches and shoots at them, saying “If you’re really good once in a while you can light a match. But that’s some super shootin, boy.”

I’m sure some people will say that the shooting is faked, but from the Captain’s reactions I get the impression that Seagal truly is a good marksman, at least at close range. He seems to actually shoot the head off of a match: “Blew the top of it off, but not good enough. I want to light it. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.” (That’s what he did in PISTOL WHIPPED, by the way, the super shootin.)

Seagal and Fortunato get flagged down by the owners of a small bar, and they convince a young drunk to leave because he’s causing a disturbance. But then the crowd figures out he’s Steven Seagal and everybody wants to shake his hand. Eventually Fortunato seems annoyed again and says “Let’s get out of here.”

Throughout this episode whenever Seagal’s in the car talking to the camera about police procedure or aikido or something they cut to shots of Fortunato swallowing. I’m not gonna try to read his mind, but it looks to me like he’s biting his tongue. Maybe he’s still mad about Seagal telling him to go right.

For the final call of the episode the Squad check out some suspicious persons, who make a run for it. They catch one guy and find a gun on the ground. It almost turns into ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 as a mob of shadowy-faced thugs crowd around the scene. The Chief uses his Seagal Sense to see that they’re trying to intimidate the poor guy so he knows if he gets them in trouble he’ll have to worry about more than just Seagal.

Alex just barely passes his shooting test, but Seagal tries to keep his spirits up. “You know, I don’t know about your score, but if this were in the street, and that’s the way you shot – he’s dead.”

(unless it was Screwface)

EPISODE 2: THE DEADLY HAND

Seagal and Fortunato are patrolling a black neighborhood late at night. Seagal uses his Seagal Sense again, saying “Awareness is the key to survive.” He sees a guy putting a gun in his pocket so they pull up and the guy runs. They don’t catch him, but he drops his gun and cell phone hopping a fence. This show is kind of like SEVEN, it’s more about following the trail than seeing the actual crimes. But Fortunato is happy, because one more gun in the evidence locker is one less gun some kid might point at him or his friends.

Next Seagal brings his Squad to the training academy for a little aikido demonstration. He flips an aikido student and shows the cops what finger-holds feel like. Later Alex says “I had a flashback from ABOVE THE LAW!” Demonstrating moves on Alex Seagal says, “Here’s a hole. Look at that,” and lightly slaps him. “I found a hole.”

Remember? That’s what Seagal was looking for in the high speed carjacker pursuit last episode: holes. I think we’ve just learned one of the secrets of Seagal Sense. It’s not just looking for the flip of a wrist, it’s also looking for holes. Like a bird is looking for worms, like a homeless guy is looking for change in payphones and newspaper machines, Seagal is looking for holes. Shit, even when they pig-piled on that carjacker he found a hole, that’s how he got in there. I hope Colonel Fortunato will be more sympathetic to Seagal when he imagines the world through the Chief’s eyes. It’s like Predator or Terminator vision, those white beams going out scanning for holes. He can’t help it.

Man, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m gonna start looking for holes.

On patrol, the Squad gets called to a parking lot where 15-20 people are brawling. They turn their lights on, it goes to a commercial… and then when they get to the parking lot the other officers have already broken up the fight and handcuffed two blurred-faced suspects. Seagal determines that “the white boys in the silver truck over theah” are the ones who “started it,” but the other officers explain that they also need to arrest the black gentleman for running after the white boys after the cops told him to stop. You can’t see his face but the black guy is shirtless, tattooed, taller even than Seagal and has a voice so low I’m honestly not sure if they altered it to hide his identity. His rowdiness inspires Seagal’s best line of the episode: “In Zen, even if somebody has to get angry we try to get angry and let it go. And this gentleman is not a very good Zen practicioner.”

He’s right, too, because when they get the gentlemen in the back of the car he doesn’t meditate, he yells a variety of opinions (all negative, I’m guessing, but they’re bleeped out so I could be wrong) and then leans back and kicks out the side window. Seagal gets out of his car and slams the door hard like he’s about to go spank the guy, and for a second I thought he was the one who shoots a taser through the broken window (a hole), but it turns out it’s (I think) Sgt. Larry Dyess, who looks kind of like Seagal from the back. (He’s like one of those guys that a bad guy comes up and touches him on the shoulder but he turns around and it’s not Seagal.) The tasing victim is stupid and getting himself into trouble over nothing, but this whole mess sort of makes you think they should’ve just let him go after the white boys left, would’ve been easier on all parties, including the tax payers.

Later on that night, Seagal and Fortunato are driving around and Seagal says “Let me look at these guys…” There’s a sound effect as he looks at them with Seagal Sense and senses alcohol. In a really uncomfortable scene, the officers stop the two young African-American men who are just entering their car in front of their house. They comply but with the frustrated looks of men all too familiar with being pulled over for Driving While Black, and having a hard time believing they’re being stopped for Intent To Drive While Black. They have an open container, but they haven’t been drinking. One has a gun, but it’s registered. Whenever they try to explain themselves the officers tell them to shut up.

Once everything is cleared up the Squad decide to let the two go despite the open container, and Seagal seems to feel bad about it so he has a pep talk with the gun owner, saying they’re not looking to harass him, they’re looking for murderers. The poor guy looks exasperated, with his head down, half-heartedly agreeing like he’s trying to end a long argument with his mom.

At the end of the episode Seagal is back at the training academy trying to teach rookies how to hold onto their guns if someone tries to steal them. He seems much more at home teaching than riding around in a patrol car. This takes us back to that legend, it’s what he’s been doing since before ABOVE THE LAW, and it’s how he hooked up with the sheriff in the first place, as explained at the beginning of episode 1. I don’t know how much he really ever patrolled before making a TV show out of it, but this part I believe is real. So it’s nice to see him thank them and bow to them at the end. This is helping the police and the community more than using his Seagal Sense to harass innocent young men as they leave their houses.

Left to right: Steven Seagal, Col. John Fortunato, Pam Grier, Steven Seagal.
Left to right: Steven Seagal, Col. John Fortunato, Pam Grier, Steven Seagal. Seagal partners that Fortunato is better than: Ja Rule, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Treach. Arguably not better than: Pam Grier, DMX. Not better than: Keith David.

The blurring of the line between fictional persona and reality is another way this show brings us back to the original legend of Seagal. When ABOVE THE LAW came out Seagal was known for implying he had done shadowy deeds for the CIA, and there are many other stories about his days in Japan or even on set, stories sometimes meant to make him sound awesome, sometimes meant to humiliate him, and you never know which parts are true and which are false. The same thing happens here with Deputy Chief Seagal. My guess is that he really does help them with training but that the patrol aspect is exaggerated when the cameras are around. But that’s only a guess. I like that I don’t really know for sure. At any rate, I didn’t believe it at all when I first heard it, so as long as some of it is real I’m impressed.

The irony of LAWMAN is that it tries to convince you Seagal is more real than you thought while at the same time managing to emphasize how his movies are fake. In a movie he runs into armed robbers just buying champagne on the way home, in reality he has to drive around trying to spot somebody with an open container. In EXIT WOUNDS he pisses off his boss by blowing up a helicopter and saving the vice president from terrorists, in reality he pisses off his boss by giving him driving tips. It turns out actual law enforcement is alot more boring and petty than in the movies.

It also has the weird effect of forcing Seagal into the role of authority figure. In his movies he’s always an outsider even within the system – usually a former black ops guy, but even when he’s a cop he’s a cop who has to fight corruption in other agencies (ABOVE THE LAW) or his own (EXIT WOUNDS) or gets framed (HARD TO KILL, THE GLIMMER MAN) or goes rogue (OUT FOR JUSTICE). In this show he’s stuck being The Man, or at least a guy standing nearby while The Man takes you down.

The guys on the Seagal Squad are likeable characters, and I’m not trying to imply they’re dirty cops or anything. They seem genuinely motivated to help people, and they risk their lives to do that, and that’s admirable. But there’s something kind of disturbing and sad about the one man army who stands up for what’s right because no one is above the law being used just to harass young black guys who haven’t done anything wrong. And in that case he wasn’t just helping, he actually seemed to instigate it. If he hadn’t said anything Fortunato would’ve driven on past and those guys would’ve gotten to their party on time and everybody would’ve been happy they brought that bottle of whatever it was.

To be fair it is way more awesome to be harassed by Steven Seagal than to bring the booze to the party, so I’m not ready to support a civil suit by these guys or anything. I’m sure they’re laughing about it now. And I have to wonder if they were looking around for Ashton Kutcher the whole time. But still. Seagal has always been popular with what they call “urban audiences,” which is why you still to this day hear his name in rap lyrics and probly why ever one of the movie partners listed above is black. I gotta wonder if seeing him involved in something like that changes anybody’s feelings about him.

So there are some uncomfortable aspects to STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN, but don’t get me wrong, I loved watching it. Like I tried to do with Seagalogy, LAWMAN honors Seagal both as awesome asskicker and absurd concept. It’s inescapably funny without being a joke. When I saw Seagal and his band play it was surreal to see the big man up there playing a flying-V, it’s just something you never thought you’d see, and at the same time I couldn’t help but be impressed by how good he was. Now here he is standing around while people get arrested, and that’s enjoyable too.

I do hope some of the other episodes get more humor out of it, though. People do acknowledge Seagal’s celebrity, but so far we haven’t seen a hilarious look of confusion on a suspect’s face when they see him coming towards them. That could be gold. For now, we’ll make due with the poor legal gun owner’s look of “I can’t believe it, I’m just trying to go to a party, I get humiliated by the cops and now Steven Seagal wants to pat me on the shoulder and make me feel better.”

This could be a good show. I just hope in the season finale cliffhanger he uncovers proof that one of the other Seagal Squad officers is involved in drug smuggling, so the guy frames Seagal, and the second season will be all about clearing himself and getting revenge.

* * *

Just how badass is this guy? “He knows how to put lead to target.” “After what I’ve seen today, he could take a gnat off a fly’s ass.” “It’s either you comply or he breaks your arm.”
Adopted culture: Zen, Cop culture, New Orleans accent, ebonics
Old friends: “The late great Harry Lee”
Broken glass: The not very good Zen practicioner kicks through the window of the police car.
Fight in bar:
No, just an argument outside of one.
Innocent bystanders: Those poor guys with the gun and the liquor
Terms of endearment: brotha, buddy, brother, gentlemen, potnah
Politics: “We’re happy that it’s a legal weapon, but we also feel that firearms on the street are a major threat to society. Thugs are shooting each other, they’re shooting innocent people, sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose, they’re shooting police officers, so we think guns on the street are a big problem.”
Phrase I could’ve easily used in this review: Port of Call New Orleans

[ratings]

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.
This entry was posted on Saturday, December 5th, 2009 at 12:45 am and is filed under Documentary, Reviews, Seagal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

102 Responses to “Steven Seagal: Lawman episodes 1 and 2”

  1. By the way, the future episode reviews most likely won’t be this detailed, but I felt the beginning of the series is historic enough to be worth it. This does feel a little bit like a rebirth for Seagal, hopefully in a good way.

  2. THANK YOU THANK YOU Vern! Absolutely delicious as always, and yeah you don’t need to go deep detail on every episode as you did the first two episodes. Just summaries or the list break-down.

    You noted how Seagal is a producer on LAWMAN? No surprise, but just a note of how these episodes so far released under part of his supervision. So yeah those cheesy “Seagal Sense” stuff was his. SEAGALOGY’s central thesis is proven right again!

    Vern, you read those two stories related at your websight comments regarding LAWMAN? In the earlier LAWMAN thread, you had some guy who claimed his cousin is a cop at that parish…and laughed at the Seagal shooting demonstration. “He’s obnoxious and full of shit.”

    The other was like a long time ago, and I think someone here was relating what Anderson Cooper said on Jay Leno some years back. Cooper was down in Louisiana reporting after the Katrina fuck up and absolutely surprised to see Seagal riding in a patrol car.

    OK whoever told this story, correct me if I’m wrong. The story continues that Seagal met some local cops at a bar, snoozed with them, and signed an autographed picture for them. After Seagal leaves, the cops promptly use the signed mug as a dartboard.

    True or not, who knows but both are funny.

  3. “Seagal Squad” would in the 80’s or early 90’s be the name of Seagal’s Saturday Morning cartoon show. Y’know, like “Chuck Norris Karate Commando” or “Camp Candy.” (Am I the only one who misses these days? Even Macauly Culkin and MC Hammer had their own cartoons for kids!)

  4. First Van Damme with JCVD, and now Seagal with Lawman. Who is the next action star to play himself? Chuck Norris? Dolph Lundgren?

  5. THERE WAS A HOLE HERE

    IT’S GONE NOW

  6. Well, those cats were headed to a party with an open bottle and loaded gun. Vern, as a sober ex-con, I think you may agree that an ounce of intervention could possibly prevent a pound of pain in those gentleman’s lives.

    I say this without any moral imperative, just a dose of Confucian pragmatism. As you say, “it is way more awesome to be harassed by Steven Seagal than to bring the booze to the party.”

    My white ass was harassed many times in my youth by cops much less cool than Seagal-sensei. I admit I may be jealous. But I have remained as anti-establishment as ever while avoiding needless legal entanglements. I wonder how I would rate on Seagals’ Zen practitioner scale.

    That bottle, buy the way, was Goldschläger. Something of an embarrassment in itself.

  7. Thanks for this, Vern. BTW I think I have the answer to your “how to update Seagalogy” dilemma.

    1. Next printing of Seagalogy contains a chapter on Lawman (or one for each season). An overview of the series, but not an episode-by-episode breakdown.

    2. You release a second volume under the SEAGALOGY banner, a companion guide to the series. SEAGALOGY: STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN: THE COMPANION GUIDE.

    Not bad, right?

  8. Franco : I completely agree . Some cops are so full of themselves and in love with their badge that’s impossible not to be pissed off by them . One time we were smoking at the park and having a few beers , one of my friends finished his cigarette and then threw the filter away.A cop from an incoming car saw the filter ( with his shit-for-brains sense ), and immediately concluded that it was marjuana . He jumped out of the car and slapped my friend in the face , then he grabbed one of his ears and said ” Show me that joint you threw away”! Like that , out of nowhere . Later we returned with the filter still smoking and the fucker didn’t even apologize . Seagal was a gentleman compared to that asshole .

  9. Well, I gave it a go, purely out of curiosity, but I don’t think Steven Seagal: Lawman was for me. Once you take Seagal out of the equation, you’re basically watching another of those shows where flabby coppers roust poor people with their shirts off. Not my cup of tea at all. If it was funnier, like that reality show Gary Busey was in, maybe I could go along with it, but it didn’t make me laugh enough.

    The bit about being a lifelong practitioner of martial arts was funny, though. Partly because he said it so much, but also because it implies Steven Seagal spent the first 9 nine months of his life perfecting the ancient art of Womb Fu. His poor mother must’ve hated him kicking away in there.

  10. Great review Vern. Thanks. Am out of the country and am super jealous that I missed this.

  11. CallmeKermit — I had a very similar experience recently — got pulled over for a taillight out (of all fool things) and was waiting during the 20 minutes the cop took to come up to the window when suddenly he was right there, all intense like “get out of the car. out of the car. what did you just throw out the window, huh? You carrying?” etc ect. Problem is, I hadn’t thrown ANYTHING out the window, legal or otherwise. I was sitting there thinking about my dinner getting cold and my insurance going up, not smoking or doing anything at all with my hands. So all I could do was say “I’m sorry, I didn’t throw anything!” which only made him madder.

    He went on about how he could charge me for lying to him, and all I could say was “Look, if I threw anything, it would be right here on the ground, right?” He and another guy looked and looked for whatever it was that they thought I threw, but obviously couldn’t find something that wasn’t there and just got more angry and, absurdly, more convinced I was somehow lying or tricking them. I should note that I was nothing but polite and frankly confused and terrified during the whole episode (maybe not a zen practitioner, exactly, but I’m smart enough to know not to do anything to piss off the cops). I do have a beard, though, so maybe that was it. Beards = enemy of America.

    Anyway, obviously if it was Seagal insisting I had done something which I hadn’t, I might have believed him. Who am I to argue with Seagal Sense?

  12. Vern, that was outstanding. I love the addition of your standard Seagal after-action report at the end, too. I think that at least the “How badass is this guy…” after action report should be done for each episode, even if you don’t do a full on review (though I live for your full on reviews of all things Seagal).

    I have to agree that the loopiness was what made this episode. If they tried to make this all serious it would have been a trainwreck but having Seagal get philosophical every 5 minutes is brilliant. ZEN COPS should be his next movie, I think.

    I can’t wait for his next revelation. “Did you know Steven Seagal spent the last 25 years in the NASA Shuttle program? Follow us on his last mission into space…” on the next A&E series.

  13. Seagology: Port of Call New Orleans

  14. Taylor Snatchlover

    December 5th, 2009 at 8:02 am

    Seagal seems to have a brilliant “warts and all” approach to himself. I like that. The guy is smart, so he KNOWS people will find some of his shit a bit daft. And I love that about him!

  15. I saw the show. I found myself going in and out on liking it and just plain bewildered. It was distracting, to me, trying to figure out if it was real or not. I’ve bought and read Vern’s book ( my fave’ chapter is the ABOVE THE LAW one actually) and I’ve seen many of Seagal’s movies. I do not claim to know Seagal inside and out but I found it to be pure BS and suspect that he’s teaching some deputy with rank how to shoot. The common sense side of me felt that was odd. One man does this for a living day in and day out and the other man goes off for months to make movies and travels the world then comes back and hangs out for a few weeks here and there with cops.

    I could not shut my brain off to thoroughly like the show because of the stipulation that it was real and Seagal is a real cop. It did not make sense to me as I’m very aware of his acting/producing/music/ merchandise day job. Also he appears to have rank in the agency which again causes me to overthink. How in the world would he be high ranking in this police department when it’s not a fulltime gig to him?

    I thought there would be humor in the show going into it but they play it real and insist it’s real. That novelty will wear off within a few more episodes. I googled Seagal and found conflicting articles of his “police status.” This, as Vern knows, is par for the course on our Steven. It appears he’s a volunteer and his “peace officer” status is not official, or not official at this time.

    Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed Seagal at the police headquarters bonding with the guys. It made him seem down to earth. But am I alone here spending way to much time going “Huh? How? What the fuck? He’s a what?! This is real? Oh, shut the fuck up about martial arts and zen.”

    So enclosing, after this long winded comment I can honestly say it’s simply okay and if they keep it real I can’t see it going beyond a season because the novelty and talk of zen will wear off in about 2 – 4 more epsiodes tops. But on the other hand, what do I know.

  16. I didn’t mean to be a comment stopper here or Seagal party poopper. I just tuned in thinking I was getting a comedy or mockumentary and instead got Seagal claiming to be a cop and they were doing cop stuff that apparently was real.

  17. I really hate to be a party pooper, but you ought to read this, from LA TImes police reporter…

    http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-lawman2-2009dec02,0,6809008.story

    All of the cops on the Seagal squad are not regular patrol officers. They are in fact Public Relations officers. The whole show seems to be like all of Seagal’s career, a mixture of lies half truths & funnily enough absurd reality and truth.

    The thing that utterly perplexes me is how everyone seems to have forgotten that other completely no way can this be real period of Seagal’s life – the one involving mafia extortions and shakedowns and allegations of harassment of reporters.

    In fairness, there’s this:

    http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-me-seagal17aug17,0,5557008.story?page=1

    But that’s the even better thing – if Seagal’s life truly is comprised of fake accents, horseshit, amazing guitar playing, spiritual gurudom, sharpshooting, compulsive lying, superpowers, marrying Kelly Le Brock – and my favorite, fathering and abandoning Japanese avant garde novelist and Gamera actress Ayako Fujitani… What a fucking life!

  18. BTW, the thing that really struck me about Lawman is that it seemed to be uncannily like Jody Hill’s Foot Fist Way and Observe and Report. “Thasssss right… Steven Seagal…” “You can think of me as Steven Seagal, movie star, or you can think Steven Seagal can save my life”.

  19. Nick – according to the A&E websight the guy who Seagal helped with shooting has some title that includes the words “public relations” in it. So I think it actually is very believable that Seagal, as a guy who spends most of his time doing shoot em up movies, has way more experience with guns than him. I’m sure he’s into shooting targets on his ranch too. I’m more skeptical about whether the guy learned anything from the lesson.

    somebadideas – If Seagal ever told anybody “I know you’re a warrior, so I’ll allow you the basic right of stretching” that would be pretty cool.

  20. Now I can’t help thinking of all those guys Seagal unfairly pummeled without letting them limber up first.

  21. I was disappointed that shooting “more Asian” didn’t involve holding two guns at once.
    Maybe they could do a DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER Crossover special where they argue about what they need to find more: Jesus or Holes.

  22. Mr. Subtlety : We weren’t charged , thank god . But remember , the guy slapped my friend for no fucking reason , and he was dead wrong . Luckily , we are very good zen practitioners over here , and the very first zen lesson is to not piss off retarded cops. But the guy sure deserved at least a kick in the nuts . AND , now that you mention it , I have a beard too ( in fact I look very much like your current avatar , without the T3 glasses and hat ) , so maybe here’s the reason for all the harassment.

  23. Some clips from this made in onto The Soup this week. Joel Mchale made a reference to Seagals career being in the toilet.

    Ill keep watching that show, and thats good news for you all cause i am nielsons viewer, but if that shit in the first episode is the best they got to come out of the gate with I gotta wonder how lame some of the rest of the season might be.

    And dont get me wrong I know Seagals not a racist or anything but you go ahead and call “Seagal Sense” something like “minority vison” . There was more than one instance when it went to that stuff and it was just young blacks/hispanics standing around talking or w/e.

  24. Every martial art is plagued by the FOOT FIST WAY style overweight gei-wearing douchebag losers who try to drop the fact that they are X degree blackbelts into every conversation they carry. And now, thanks to somebadideas I have realized why I always hated, hated, hated Stephen Seagal – he is one of those douchebags.

    That doesn’t mean his oddly fascinating career doesn’t deserve some sort of study, I guess.

  25. I love this show. Great write up, Vern. Love the Seagalogical breakdown at the end.

  26. Vern – I hate to act stupid, but what exactly about Seagal “appeals” to that described Urban Audience?

  27. “Seagal Sense” – that’s pretty good. While we were watching it my wife was calling it “Seagal Vision”, while I was partial to “Zen Vision”. The harassing of those poor guys getting into their car was unreal – not that it happened, but that the peple making the show put that in. Somehow I don’t think “watch Seagal harass innocent citizens” was part of the original pitch

  28. Good question, RRA. I don’t know the reason, but black men have been a big part of the martial arts movie audience since back in the “grindhouse”/42nd Street days. I know there are theories about Bruce Lee being some kind of wish fulfillment for some people, I don’t know. I guess the hip hop connection might be because hip hop comes out of New York so many of the rap pioneers grew up watching Shaw Brothers movies in Times Square. Not just the Wu-Tang Clan but I believe the breakdancers were also inspired by the Shaw Brothers movies. And that tradition has continued into other types of action movies, which is how a white bluesman like Seagal has managed to co-star with DMX, Nas, Treach and Ja Rule.

  29. Somebadideas – I thought that L.A. Times article was gonna ruin everything, but then I read it and it was exactly what I figured. If the guy is gonna brag about being a journalist though he should interview more than one person for the article and find out some new information. At least Seagal did a couple moves to back up his life long martial arts practicioner claims.

    I don’t know what the story is with Seagal supposedly hiring Pellicano and all that, but he was never accused of a crime, and what he said about the mafia shaking him down was all proven in court with wire recordings. People made fun of him at the time but he was vindicated in court.

  30. By the way, you know how long Seagal has been a practitioner of the martial arts? *Life*.

  31. I’ve been waiting for this review for a looooooooong time, and Vern, you have not disappointed me. :) I bought Seagalogy for eight pounds ninety-nine pence a year or so back (which, knowing the UK publishing system, means that you probably have about three pence in your pocket that came directly from me – enjoy it!) but we don’t have “Lawman” over here as far as I know. If anybody knows when / if it’s on in the UK, please post it!

  32. Terrific.

    And don’t worry about the Seagalogy thing Vern. If, in fact, the next edition turns out to be as fat as a phone book I can assure you no fan of that book is going to mind at all.

    Though the suggestion of publishing a separate Series guide could also work. But that depends on how long this series actually lasts. If it only goes for a season or two it wouldn’t be worth it.

    Either way, you’re pretty much obligated to do a Seagalogy update. What with this and the fact that he’s still pumping out 3 DTVs a year (at least) and another major release coming with Machete… It’s a wealth of material that can only make the book better.

  33. Hey Vern, they posted the trailer for the upcoming “A Dangerous Man” over at TWITCH:

    http://twitchfilm.net/news/2009/11/dear-mr-seagal-that-thing-on-your-head-never-wear-that-again.php

    England releases this one in late january, I think.

  34. I’ve just finished reading Seagalogy this very night only pausing to watch the first episode of Lawman and now today I have learned the meaning of the term “Pig Pile”.Tremendous :>………

  35. Vern – Alright thanks for the broad explaination, but what EXACTLY about Seagal himself sticks out? Kung fu/martial arts movie stars are a dime a dozen, so what about Flabby Seagull made rappers want to name-drop him in songs?

    The answer is probably obvious: He made some widely-seen movies like ABOVE THE LAW and those early exploitation efforts. UNDER SIEGE was of course a monster hit.

  36. I understand a Cop’s main job is to make sure he goes home safe at the end of the day but I just can’t get behind this tasering shit at all.

    The “Seagal Sense” is brilliant.

  37. One last thing.

    They should have “Feels So Good” playing everytime they finish a bust.

  38. I finally had the chance to watch this last night and it was great. I love how serious the show treats Seagal and his role with the department. His Seagal vision is awesome, but it did make me think of beer goggles a couple of times. As much as I enjoyed the show there were times it felt like an episode of cops featuring Seagal as a special guest star. The show is at its best when Seagal is talking or should I say preaching about keeping the streets safe, police work, martial arts, and/or the way of Zen. He is such an engaging blowhard I could listen to him talk about anything. In fact I think that if the series continues it shouldn’t just be about Steven Seagal doing police work, instead it should focus on him mastering different jobs using his martial arts teachings. For example season 2 could be Steven Seagal Iron chef, or Steven Seagal Is The Iron chef (We all know A&E dropped the ball by leaving out “Is The” in the title. It should be Steven Seagal Is The Lawman), and he could get his Casey Rybeck on in the kitchen where we all know he can’t be beat. The options are endless. What about season 3 Stephen Seagal Is The Bluesman, and he can hit the road with his band, or Steven Seagal Is The Dog Whisper. Even better what if Seagal was on a quest to find his soul mate it could be called “Steven Seagal Is The Bachelor: The Fist Of Love”.

  39. Good ideas Charles. We’ll at least get to see some blues on the show. From the official websight: “Then, when Seagal goes off-duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures – including musical performances and philanthropic efforts – in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans.”

  40. really enjoyed watching this, i was worried it would be more a chore than something actually enjoyable. looking forward to the rest of the season.

    and ya Seagal-Vision cracked me up too.

  41. From the official websight: “Then, when Seagal goes off-duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures – including musical performances and philanthropic efforts – in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans.”

    I can’t wait. The reality show is really a great format for him to more organically further explore the themes and motifs of his movie career. I hope the show is successful. It would be nice if it could help to reinvigorate his movie career. He is years past his prime, but I still think he can bring a lot to a movie. For example imagine the baggage Seagal at this point in his career would have brought to a role like the one played by Denzel in “Man on Fire” Seagal needs to find parts that embrace where he is at in his career and life instead of trying to ignore it. For example Segal would also have been great in the Tommy Lee Jones role from “The Hunted” (which by the way always felt a little like a Seagal movie minus Seagal. It almost seems like it was tailor made for Seagal to some degree, but he had other obligations so the film makers were like OK we will get the other guy from Under Siege). Seagal will never be able to bring the same presence he brought to his earlier work, but the puffy past his prime Seagal offers a different and I would argue equally interesting presence that if used correctly could make for some great action roles.

  42. First time I heard about Seagal’s police work was in this 2006 Letterman interview of Anderson Cooper. Cooper tells a story about how he saw Seagal in a police uniform helping during the Katrina crisis. He pokes a bit of fun, but Seagal WAS helping and not just running his mouth about it. You can jump to 5:20 to get to the story:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIl0uwALiOI

  43. As much as I love seeing my city in the movies and on TV, I’m not all that sure this sort of show is what I should be supporting/condoning…

    Personal Asshole Police story(ies):

    I’m an avid walker and (used) to walk around my block all the time. I used to even walk late at night but policemen were constantly stopping to question me. It was annoying and they were smug as hell but I looked at it from their end and decided that even though I pay my taxes and have been living here my whole life maybe, just maybe, I have no business walking around the neighborhood between the hours of 8PM-to-10PM.

    Then they started stopping me during the daytime…

    Then one of them insisted I started a neighbor’s house on fire (You see because I was walking when it happened and I’m just some young punk so it must be me… that guy was pissed the fuck that I had no traces of anything that would lead him to believe that I started the fire and just told me to “Go home and DON’T come out!” and stormed off pissed off.)

    I try to not be anti-police and shit but the actual police don’t help…

  44. It just occurred to me: shouldn’t the author of Seagalology also do some reviews of the Gamera trilogy someday? Since they feature the (ultra-cute) DAUGHTER OF SEAGAL??!

    Plus the films are pretty good; especially the second two. (The first is sort of average.)

  45. The first Gamera film was important to establish the more serious tone that the series would take. It was a new thing at the time to treat the kaiju genre, arguably the campiest, cheesiest genre in film history, with respect. With that tone established, the other two movies could really let rip and have more giant monster fun without anyone assuming it was all a big joke. I particularly like the third one, but better than all of them is the director’s one Godzilla movie, Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack, which is surprisingly hardcore for a movie about a bunch of guys in rubber suits stomping on each other. I think it’s the best of the contemporary Godzilla revival.

  46. ‘pigpile’…still laughing 10 minutes later. As usual Vern you summed it up but real good.

  47. It honestly didn’t occur to me until just now that “pigpile” could be a derogatory term about cops. It’s just what you call 8 guys piling up on top of another guy. Sorry cops. Don’t arrest me.

  48. You know, I was watching a rerun of the martial arts demonstration… and man, you know something, big ol’ Seagal really still looks pretty quick. I know its just a demonstration, but I was surprised to see him move that fast at all. You sure wouldn’t know it from his movies, but maybe he’s still got it.

  49. Vern – I always thought the expression was dogpile, so I also assumed pigpile was a jab at the police (fuck tha). Somehow pigpile just sounds way more appropriate for eight pudgy cops holding down one guy so they can taser him. Aren’t those things supposed to be used only in instances where an officer would normally use a gun? As a humane alternative to killing somebody? I remember that being how it was pitched originally. Now they seem to be tasering people just to avoid getting their uniforms dirty.

  50. […] STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN: SEASON 1—As with all matters regarding Mr. Seagal, we refer you to Outlaw Vern. […]

  51. I HAPPEN TO LOVE AND RESPECT STEVEN SEAGAL. HE HAS WORKED VERY HARD TO GET
    WHERE HE IS TODAY. HE HAS HELPED MANY POLICE OFFICERS AND EVEN SAVED THEIR LIVES
    BY TRAINING THEM RIGHT IN ARMS TRAINING. HIS ACTING TALENT IS GREAT AND SO IS HIS
    MUSIC. THE MAN DESEARVES ALOT OF RESPECT . HE HAS ALSO HELPED MANY PEOPLE IN HIS
    LIFETIME.I LOVED THE LAWMAN SERIES WHILE IT LASTED. I HOPE TO SEE MORE OF STEVEN
    SEAGAL.SINCERLY CINDY L TRUITT

  52. it is actually hard to master archery, it took me 2 long years to be a master of archery `

  53. my sister is very skillful in archery and i envy her”‘.

  54. That spambot’s sister obviously knows to push the arrow, not pull the arrow.

    Did that last episode of Lawman ever get reviewed?

  55. my girlfriend likes to be an archer and she is great both in Archery and Volleyball ~

  56. Oh shit! A spambot with a girlfriend! They’re mating!

  57. It’s scarier than that Mr. Majestyk. This article has somehow become entwined with the little known “archery” hit word nexus of the internet’s subgalaxy of awkward advertisement placement.

    Either we find some means of distributing & teaching contraception methods to slow down this promiscuous, fertile spambottery, or we all petition the Secret Service’s robust anticybercounterfeiting division to go under the wing of Steven motherfuckin’ Seagal so that the best lawmen in the land can team up and finally put an end to this arrow-shooting, bumping-n-spiking robocommenting scourge.

  58. If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

  59. Well, boys, we knew it was bound to happen sooner or later: The spambot apocalypse is here. All you can do now is tell your mom you love her and listen to your favorite album one last time before the power goes out. See you all in the wastelands. And if you run into someone who looks human but can’t stop trying to sell you acne medication, for God’s sake RUN.

  60. It’s been good knowing you.

    My wasteland won’t be so bad. I’ll be staking out my base of operations in the storage area of a Sam’s Club distro center. And then it’s leathers & feathers time. I’ve got gasoline for your biker gang; wanna fight about it? Where’s my machete & warpaint?

  61. Mouth – Don’t forget the dog food and boomerang.

    Of course you’re used to living in the wastelands, aren’t ya buddy? :)

  62. I’ll be making my way to the Hoover Dam, which can generate power all on its own for decades. I’ll be dragging my DVD collection in a conestoga wagon so you are all welcome to come by for post-apocalyptic movie night.

  63. Good article. It is extremely unfortunate that over the last years, the travel industry has already been able to to handle terrorism, SARS, tsunamis, flu virus, swine flu, and also the first ever true global economic downturn. Through everything the industry has really proven to be solid, resilient in addition to dynamic, acquiring new ways to deal with misfortune. There are always fresh issues and the opportunity to which the marketplace must all over again adapt and react.

  64. I’m really impressed with your Oakley Driving Sunglasses writing skills as well as with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one nowadays..

  65. If you essential to process, you have to move on to urban center, this individual sum up, issue towards the enhance home business office within the You.S..

  66. With havin so much content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my permission. Do you know any ways to help reduce content from being ripped off? I’d really appreciate it.

  67. i like monster-beatsbydre

  68. Fantastic beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea

  69. HI, MY NAME IS VERNON VIRGIL CHAMBERS JR, I FOUND THE CALIF. ZODIAC SERAIL KILLERS FROM THE 60’S 70’S IN SAN FRANSICO. I HAVE BEEN TRING TO TELL SOMEONE FOR THREE YEARS, THE FBI SAID IT’S NOT THERE JURISDITION, KEVIN JONES HOMICIDE IN SAN FRANSICO SAID THERE IS NO HURRY HE HAS NOT KILLED ANYONE IN THIRTY YEARS(JUST SHOWS WHAT HE KNOWS) MAT MERIDITH FROM VALLEO SAID THAT VALLEO WAS GOING BROKE AND CAN’T AFORD TO LOOK IN TO IT. AMERICA’S MOST WANTED WILL NOT DO ANYTHING, THE CALAVARIS COUNTY SHERIFF SAID THEY WILL NOT GET INVOLVED, THE AMADOR COUNTY SHERIFFS OFFICE REFUSE TO LISTEN AND FILED CHARGES AGAINST ME FOR EVEN CALLING TO TURN IN WHAT I KNOW, THE JUDGE DON F HOWARD DROP THERE CHARGES THAT THEY FILLED AGAINEST ME IN THE INTERREST OF JUSTICE. EVERONE SAYS THAT I AM CRAZY, LIKE THEY KNOW WHAT FLAVOR THE COOLADE IS WITH OUT EVEN TASTING IT. I CAN PROVE WHO THE KILLERS ARE! I CAN ALSO SHOW YOU A TRAIL IN THE ROYAL DICTIONARY THAT WORKS FOR THE ZODIAC KILLERS NAME AND HIS CONFESSION AND IT WORKS FOR ALL THE PEOPLE THAT THEY KILLED, AND IF THAT IS NOT ENOUGH IF YOU FOLLOW THIS SAME TRAIL BACKWARDS IT WORKS FOR JACK THE RIPER.I AM BEGIN YOU TO PLEASE JUST HERE ME OUT ON THE STUFF THAT I HAVE FOUND EVEN IF YOU CAN’T GET INVOLVED OR HAVE SOME OTHER EXCUSES TO NOT GET INVOLVED. THESE KILLERS ARE RELATED TO ME AND I CAN NOT FIND ANYONE TO HELP ME. YOU WILL NEVER SOLVE THIS CASE WITH OUT SEEING THIS EVEDENCE. AFTER READING A BOOK BY ROBERT GRAYSMITH CALLED THE ZODIAC UNMASKED IS HOW I WAS ABLE TO PUT ALL THIS TOGETHER. IF YOU WON’T HELP ON THIS CASE CAN YOU AT LEAST HELP ME TALK TO ROBERT GRAYSMITH, IT SEEMS THAT EVERY ONE INVOLVED IN THE CASE WENT IN TO HIDING OUT OF FEAR AFTER ALL THIS STUFF COOLED DOWN IN THE BAY AREA. I PRAY TO GOD THAT YOU CAN AT LEAST SET UP A MEETING FOR ME WITH ROBERT GRAYSMITH. I WOULD FOREVER BE IN YOUR DEBT FOR THIS ACT OF KINDNESS. MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS vernstv@email.com MY PHONE NUMBER IS 209-296-1160. I FOUND ALL THIS OUT ON 1-1-09. PLEASE HELP ME CLOSE THIS NIGHT MAIRE CHAPTER OF MY LIFE. I WILL DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT IF YOU WILL JUST HELP ME. THANK YOU PS. I WON’T KEEP BOTHERING YOU LIKE I DID THE LOCAL POLICE, AND SHERIFFS.

  70. yeah, I really don’t know what to say about vernon chambers’ comment above me, it doesn’t seem like a spambot (if it is, it’s the weirdest I’ve ever seen)

    I’m kinda creeped out now

  71. The inclusion of an email address and phone # makes me suspect phishing.

  72. Greatest and creepiest spambot ever!

  73. I hope he knows that posting it here doesn’t count as reporting it to the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Department. And even if it did I don’t think they have jurisdiction over San Francisco.

    All this damn red tape!

  74. I also wonder why he chose the LAWMAN reviews to post this. Maybe he hopes that Seagal will take on the Zodiac killer.

  75. Also…can’t *everyone* tell the flavor of Kool-Aid without drinking it? I mean, that shit is either, “Red” flavored, “Green” flavored or, “Blue” flavored right? No type of not-actually-fruit juice has a real ‘flavor’…or am I the only one who actually calls says shit like, “Oh! Red’s my favorite flavor of Gatorade.”

    “AND IF THAT IS NOT ENOUGH IF YOU FOLLOW THIS SAME TRAIL BACKWARDS IT WORKS FOR JACK THE RIPER.”

    No, that was enough. And now it’s too much.

    “I HAVE FOUND EVEN IF YOU CAN’T GET INVOLVED OR HAVE SOME OTHER EXCUSES TO NOT GET INVOLVED.”

    This sentence is unintentional poetry. But that shit’s just foreplay for…

    “PS. I WON’T KEEP BOTHERING YOU LIKE I DID THE LOCAL POLICE, AND SHERIFFS.”

    If that is not the single best Post Script ever written, then I will eat Werner Herzog’s other shoe. I know he’s got at least one extra. But then again, I bet that he’s eaten at least one other shoe for reasons that did not involve a film, but likely *did* involve Klaus Kinski.

  76. I was unconvinced until he brought up Jack the Ripper. Everybody knows he used H.G. Wells’ time machine to escape to 20th century San Fransisco, so I’m not surprised there’s a connection to the Zodiac case.

    Shit. I’ve said too much.

  77. And is there actually an email.com? That isn’t just the 555 of ye interwebz?

  78. I wonder if I might get sued if I steal the story of a guy, who finds out that his relatives form some kind of serial killer circle, who was responsible for the Zodiac and even Jack The Ripper murders, and turn it into a screenplay.

  79. If you do it, you should have him have to kill all his family members and then go to jail at the end as the Relative Ripper.

    Irony!

  80. Outlawvern.com where they’re so well-mannered that we will seriously consider and discuss the merits of a spambot posting.

    Guys, we’re like the Canada of the internet. Do you apologize when you bump into chairs? Or am I the only one?

  81. In all fairness: This is a seriously awesome and original spambot! I don’t want to encourage such behaviour, but come on, this is so much better than the typical “Very interesting blog. Increase your traffic and buy penis enlargrment pills by clicking this link.”

  82. Has anybody tried calling him? I mean, sure, he’s probably just trying to sell us acne medication, but what if he’s for real? What if we could somehow help him catch the goddamn Zodiac? We would be heroes! Fincher would direct ZODIAC 2: OUTLAWS ASSEMBLE! Adam Scott would play me!

    I’m just saying. Who’s with me?

  83. I really considered calling the number, but I was scared of ending up with a gazillion bucks phone bill. Unfortunately I’m out of credit on my prepaid handy. I want Rupert Grint to play me. He is 10 years too young, doesn’t look anything like me and would need a wig, but he would be able to portray my CJ-ness adequate.

  84. Or maybe it’s just the number for a catering company.

    http://amadorgold.net/bobbyrays/contact.html

    Or is it? Bobby Ray’s Catered Affairs is located in Pine Grove, CA, about a two-hour drive from San Fransisco. Pine Grove is the hometown of Jim Crabtree, early Zodiac suspect and ex-husband of Zodiac victim Darlene Ferrin.

    Seriously, guys. I’m getting chills here.

  85. Catering? You mean…they serve man?

  86. Not sure, but their BBQ Marinated Tri-Tip looks divine.

  87. shit guys, is it time to go on an adventure?

  88. If somebody else has a van, I have a lifetime supply of tension-breaking wisecracks that I can contribute.

  89. So I guess since I sit on the other side of the planet, my role will be the nerdy guy who monitors everything on the computer and yells stuff like “Get out of there! Now!” into the microphone, as soon as shit gets hairy.

    Again: Rupert Grint

  90. First off, it would be Zodiac 2: The Social Network.

    Also, I got a busy signal when I called.

  91. Sadly, CJ, that means that there will be a scene where we are investigating the Zodiac’s hideout, checking out his newspaper clipping collages as the sound of flies buzzing plays on the soundtrack, but little do we know that he’s RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!!!! OH GOD CJ NOOOOOOOO!!!!! AND HE WAS ONLY A WEEK FROM RETIREMENT AND/OR POSSIBLY EXPECTING A BABY!!!!!!

    It was noble of you and Rupert to sacrifice yourselves to the cause like that.

  92. BREAKING NEWS!

    I called the number. Someone named “Bobby” picked up. Bobby didn’t sound deranged or crazy or like he was expecting random phone calls from unknown numbers. I can only conclude that Bobby is one of Vernon’s murderous family members. Which means that Vernon’s life might be in danger!

    We gotta act fast, guys!

  93. Tawdry! Quick! Get out of there! Now!

  94. Also if the killer seriously manages to appear behind me, I will applaud him when I die. (Hint: wall.)

  95. Can we all block our phone numbers and start calling Bobby late at night, demanding to know where he hid Vernon’s body and what he knows about the Zodiac/Jack the Ripper/the inevitable murder of CJ.

  96. Wait…if we did that, we would be Anonymous, wouldn’t we? I’d prefer not to be part of that group.

    However, if I’m ever in the Bay area and need some catering…I know who to call!

  97. Hey, don’t put Mr Bananagrabber on one level with a Guy Fawkes mask from a comic book shop!

  98. Tawdry, did you actually try to ask the guy why some spambot/crusader/crusading spambot listed his number? Does Vernon work there? Or would asking that just tip him off that Vernon is on to him?

    I mean, there’s a picture of Bobby on the catering company’s website. I don’t want to jump to conclusions but he doesn’t NOT look like kind of guy who could be the Zodiac.

    This is getting pretty complicated. I think we should maybe call in the big guns.

    Release the AU!

    And after that, when he gets out of control and goes on a rampage (dog will hunt, after all), we’ll have to activate Demon Dave and Albert Pyun to corral him again.

  99. I truly left the info about the zodiac killer cuz I have found him and need help bobby is my cosin I moved new number is 209-256-6837. Type. In zodiac in google search and you will see how serious I am

  100. Type in my full name in google search and read up vernon virgil chambers jr. I can soulve the zodiac killer case after reading books by Robert Graysmith , first book the zodiac second book zodiac unmasked.

  101. i like the way you write the blog.

Leave a Reply





XHTML: You can use: <a href="" title=""> <img src=""> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <b> <i> <strike> <em> <strong>