"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Posts Tagged ‘Naomi Ackie’

Shelter

Monday, February 16th, 2026

I enjoyed the extra strength absurdity of THE BEEKEEPER, but man am I happy that Jason Statham can still make his serious movies. SHELTER is his latest, directed by Ric Roman Waugh (SNITCH, ANGEL HAS FALLEN) and written by Ward Parry (THE SHATTERING). This one’s more of a traditional action movie than REDEMPTION, but a little more grounded than HOMEFRONT. Maybe somewhere in the range of WILD CARD or SAFE. To me its familiar Statham tropes make it feel classical, not generic. These movies are like a good song or poem. They hit on themes we’ve explored a million times, but they do it with their own words and melodies.

Statham plays a guy named Michael Mason, but you don’t know that name until pretty far into the movie. He never says it, even when asked. He’s a grumpy loner living on a tiny Scottish island with only his dog (who doesn’t have a name at all). You assume this guy’s a lighthouse keeper until somebody says the lighthouse doesn’t even work. It’s always gloomy and stormy on this island, and when his friend and his friend’s teenage niece Jessie (Bodhi Rae Breathnach, HAMNET) come drop off supplies he never comes down to say hi, he just skulks around on his hill like some weird guy looking out the window of a mansion in an old horror movie. Jessie is such a sweetheart she tries to leave him presents to cheer him up but he won’t accept them. (read the rest of this shit…)

Mickey 17

Monday, March 31st, 2025

MICKEY 17 is one of those lucky breaks humanity gets every once in a while where for some reason some American company gives South Korean master Bong Joon Ho (THE HOST, PARASITE) a whole bunch of money for a big, weird, wonderful English-language goof that they have no idea how to make money off of. The fucking Weinsteins did it as distributors of SNOWPIERCER, Netflix did it with OKJA, now it’s Warner Bros.’ turn with a movie that shares elements with both of those but speaks directly to this specific era of capitalistic exploitation, idiotic cults of asshole personality, and just all-around reckless stupidity. But in a fun sci-fi way. It’s based on the 2022 novel Mickey7 by Edward Ashton, but its sensibilities are unmistakably Bong Joon Ho.

Robert Pattinson (THE ROVER) stars and narrates as the 17th clone of Mickey Barnes, a harmless doofus who, in debt to a loan shark over his failed macaron business, tries to flee by signing up as an “expendable” on a flight to colonize the snowy planet Niflheim. This is not a common line of work – everybody acts shocked when he writes it on the form, and keeps double-checking that he read the paperwork. Basically, nobody’s been stupid enough to sign up before, but he agreed to it out of ignorance and because a lady’s shampoo scent reminded him of his mom. He admits this with embarrassment but also like he’s telling a funny story you might be able to relate to. (read the rest of this shit…)