I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

Final Move

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When I found out that Matt Schulze (OUT OF REACH, THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS, FAST FIVE, BLADE, BLADE II, THE TRANSPORTER) actually got to be the lead in a movie where he is a psychic chess expert trying to stop a serial killer I knew I had to watch it and review it for my column over on Daily Grindhouse. So that’s what I did.

click here to read it

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.
This entry was posted on Friday, July 12th, 2013 at 11:08 am and is filed under Mystery, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

10 Responses to “Final Move”

  1. Futurama just did a great parody of this kind of detective show a week or two ago… witness: The Finder-Outer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmed7sbBmXI

    In all seriousness, though, I love me a good SEVEN (note that I deliberately did not put the “V” as a “7”) ripoff. But they gotta be truly laughable. Nothing in the world is more mind-numbing than a serial killer ripoff that thinks it’s a lot more dark and gritty than it actually is.

  2. Who should have starred in Dredd? Matt Schulze!

  3. Schulze was also my first choice for Jack Reacher. But I guess that role was…

    *puts on sunglasses*

    OUT OF REACH.

  4. I´d also prefer Schulze over Cruise. Cruise was not as intimidating as the movie tried to make him.

  5. The Original... Paul

    July 13th, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Haven’t seen the film but I love that you have a “mystery” tag, Vern. Never noticed that before.

  6. Apropos the casting of Reacher:
    Cruise is like a high school crossing guard.
    Schulze is like the guy who just plowed through his intersection in a TransAm and killed two people while draining a beer.
    No take-backs, or maybe yes? I mean, we had three different Punishers… no reason why we can’t have multiple Reachers.

  7. Vern, if you want a ridiculous DTV crime themed (though not serial killer themed) movie from 2006, you should check out DISTORTION

    it is a movie, written, directed and starring former Nickelodeon gameshow host Kirk Fogg and co-starring a former anime voice actress, it has to be seen to be believed

    the plot is thus, Kirk Fogg plays a washed up, down on his luck (is there any other kind) private detective, his girlfriend agrees to star in an internet porno because they need the money, but when they arrive at the set (complete with an Asian guy in tighty whities) his girlfriend is kidnapped by bad dudes for some reason and they beat up Kirk Fogg and leave him for dead, well it’s up to him to wander around LA at night and try to find her

    it’s not as bizarrely terrible as THE ROOM, in fact considering Fogg probably had no money it’s not all that bad (but it’s not good either), but the simple surrealism of seeing a former Nickelodeon gameshow host in a low budget crime drama is enough to make it worthwhile, highlights include Fogg’s character having a near mental breakdown and holding a gun to his head while yelling “DO YOU SEE THE RIFLEMAN!? DO YOU SEE THE RIFLEMAN!?)

  8. by the way, for a movie as strange as it is I’m surprised it doesnt have more of a cult following, I’m literally the only person who’s ever seen or heard of it

  9. There’s an Australian movie with the same title and similar premise. Coincidence?

    For the record, I think this sounds like the coolest movie ever. Do you recommend it under those circumstances?

  10. sam – are you talking about the Kirk Fogg movie or the movie Vern reviewed?

    if you’re asking me, I would say you should certainly check out DISTORTION if you’re curious

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