I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

Guess who’s in comics books? (answer: em) (hold up to mirror for answer)

tn_verncolumnThe internet belongs to the nerds. Or to the geeks, I forget which one. I always get alot of grief for getting the lingo wrong, I mix up “nerd” with “geek” and I say “comic strips” instead of “illustrated graphic novels for grown adults” and I say “Ziggy” instead of “Tom Wilson’s Ziggy.” I’m either confused or sometimes just jokin around but I mean no harm and people still get upset. Especially if I do it on The Ain’t It Cool News everybody acts like I yelled out the n-word or something. I would write several paragraphs of detailed and thoughtful analysis laying out a series of arguments and backing them up with examples but if I chose “comic strip” instead of “comic book” to describe a stapled together pamphlet of non-comical drawings then that would be all they would respond to and declare my input invalid.

And I used to try to be polite and apologize to these people but no more, because now I AM IN A FUCKING COMIC STRIP. Or at least between some of them. My cool British publisher Titan is publishing a comics magazine called “CLiNT,” and I have a column in it starting with issue #3. So if you want to read “Nemesis Chapter 2” and “Mahatma Gandhi presents Space Oddities” you will have no choice but to flip past the words that I wrote. WHO’S LAUGHING NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS?Here’s what the cover looks like:

clintmag3But the inside is about 90% comic strips such as KICKASS 2 and something about Jesus and one that’s about gangsters. The magazine was started by Mark Millar, who I guess wrote the comics versions of KICKASS and WANTED before they were movies, and he and some other guys write it, and there are nice drawings maybe you boys would like. You can see some samples at their websight. My column is called BADASS CINEMA 101. Sorry, I named it at the last minute and it was before badassdigest.com started and made it their mission to run my favorite word into the ground and ruin it forever. (otherwise they are a pretty good websight so far.)

CLiNT is made for the UK market I believe, so I don’t think you’ll be seeing it at too many American newsstands, but somebody told me they saw it in a comics shop. I hope to use it to teach some fundamental badass cinema knowledge to the British youth so we don’t end up with more The Original Pauls loose on the streets causing problems. Just kidding, The Original Paul.

In other Titan news they’re now gonna be distributing all the Hardcase Crime books, which is pretty cool. I think that makes our books some kind of distant cousins or something.





“I don’t mind the ads…What I do mind are these hammy ‘columns’… I mean honestly, it’s not like this rag is an aberration or an insult to the industry… Millar is a great writer and a talented storyteller and he proves it deep inside the pages of CLiNT. It’s just a shame you have to wade through so much sludge to get close enough to see it.”

–Ain’t It Cool News

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.
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33 Responses to “Guess who’s in comics books? (answer: em) (hold up to mirror for answer)”

  1. That’s great. I expect to see you in the funny pages any day now next to Smilin’ Jack and Little Abner.

  2. Congrats bud. Now I’ll be able to say “I followed him before he sold out.”

    (Kidding, kidding!)

  3. Wow… that Badass Digest website is created and run by people who are very obviously not fans of badass cinema. Not a Swarzenegger, Stallone, or Seagal flick mentioned in their “favorite movies” blurbs. Annie Hall? On a Badass websight? Fucking kidding me.

    Read and be sickened: http://www.badassdigest.com/about/the-badass-team

  4. Next time the geeks swarm on you for saying comic strips, remind them that the first official comic books were collected reprints of comic strips from newspapers.

    I think it’s pretty cool and unexpected to learn that your writing is going to be mixed in with some comics! I’m curious to see what kind of comic stuff is gonna be in there.

  5. Dude, Woody Allen fucked Diane Keaton on the regular because of that movie. As a nerdy Jewish writer I happen to think that that is the exact definition of badass.

  6. They all have a badass pick or two on their lists. I don’t think it’s necessary that they change their taste to accommodate the name of the web sight. We don’t even hold Vern to that standard of 100% badass consistency, I mean we all just look the other way when he reviews a talking owls picture or whatever. But yeah, it’s an unfortunate name they chose. Even though the Alamo has been championing “Badass Cinema” for a long time. First of all there’s a dissonance to the name “Badass Digest”. Housewives read digests. And second of all Devin Faraci is an overweight gossip queen with two cats who spends the vast majority of his life being a flippant contrarian on the computer. Not exactly the textbook definition of badass in my opinion.

    Congrats anyway Vern. Whatever happened to The Loose Canon?

  7. I always like to use funny books instead of comic books.

  8. So when is your first set visit? :)

  9. just kidding, good news for you. Keep it up!

  10. When I read the headline I expected that someone made a comic…uhm, I mean graphic novel based on your life. :D
    I will keep an eye out for the magazine, whenever I’m at an airport or a train station.

  11. This is how a man becomes a multimedia giant.  First the content attracts followers, then he crosses over into other forums & media, then he updates his website from Geocities, then he establishes name recognition for his expertise on that which is BADASS, then then he forgets the little people who made him who he is, then he dabbles in self-promotion to become a brand name and makes some business cards & stickers and shit, then he realizes all other talkbackers are stupid and returns to the loving embrace of the little people who made him who he is, then he adds some of those stickers to some t-shirts & mugs, then he wildly inflates the cost of each item by 99¢ and constantly hawks his wares everywhere I look in my right peripheral vision, then he does a reverse-Beatles and makes it big in England with some NERD SHIT, then I approve his new foray and we certify it BADASS even though it’s really essentially NERD SHIT.  

    Vern has bypassed or already survived the downward spiral into alcoholism & prison time phases of this career arc, so I predict great success!  

  12. Way to infiltrate the funny books, Vern. Somewhere in Hollywood, Sean William Scott is on the phone demanding his manager figure out a way that he can play the role of Fictionalized Vern on ENTOURAGE.

  13. Congratulations , man . I think I will be able to find a copy of it even here , I now some funnybooks shops around here , and sometimes they have English and American issues ( I remember a comics-review magazine called Wizard or something , is that still around ? ) . Especiallly English , I see very often 2000 AD , so I think I can find this CLINT . ( I wonder what is the “2000 AD Thrill-Meter” for Vern’s column!).

    And since we’re already speaking of set visits , well , I sure hope Vern will go to some of those , but I will gladly accept even simple interviews with members of the DTV-action-scene like Florentine or/and Hyams. You know , before he sits down with Spielberg !

  14. Congrats, Vern. It’s always a thrill to see your work printed on actual paper. And thanks for name-checking me right there on the insert pic. Sure, you claim to be talking about some movie character, but you and I know better.

  15. Already said it in another comments section, but it’s a great little feature of the magazine, Vern, and I’m looking forward to future instalments. That quote at the end there is pretty damn funny, and generally what a lot of people say, though I think the mag as a whole has generally gotten stronger with each issue and the interviews at least are good(for the UK readers at least). I wonder if Millar’s read your Kick-Ass review?

  16. I hope the next member of these boards to get his own column is AU Armageddon. And I hope it’s an advice column for the lovelorn in Ladies’ Home Journal.

  17. Congrats man, just subscribed to it not knowing that you were gonna be writing for it, now I know that I made the right decision. Keep up the good work man.

  18. Enhorabuena!

  19. Congrats, Vern. The Outlaw Universe expands!

  20. Today you have become a man!

  21. Jareth – No it needs be AsimovLives, in his new column: New Schoolyard Names for Hollywood People I don’t Like.

    Jar Jar Abrams, beware!

  22. Cool! I shall look for this in town tomorrow.

  23. I think people have a strong need and/or desire to judge, and to judge negatively. AICN is not the only anonymous forum overrun with mindless negativity. It’s just something in life you need to ignore.

  24. 7 / 10

  25. Congratulations, Vern! Hopefully that’s a step towards giving the Day Job the ol’ heave-ho!

  26. Ah man that’s really awesome vern! I’ll definitely check out your column next time I’m at the store (yeah I know it ain’t no fuckin’ library etc but I’m not made of money). The concept of the magazine is interesting and Millar, whilst a bit of a blowhard when it comes to his own material, seems like a nice guy and eager to get the involvement of new talent in his mag, which is pretty cool of him. So it’s nice to see you’ll be a part of it and getting your name out there.

  27. It’s also worth saying that the whole “comic strip book” thing is one of my favorite running jokes on this sight. I use it as much as I can in real life. The comic book people shoot me these hateful looks but for some reason haven’t yet called me out for it.

  28. At least the “comic book” people aren’t as bad as the “graphic novel” people. Graphic novel used to be kind of a specific term, meant to describe a run of issues from a series or a standalone miniseries printed as a collection in one book. Now it seems like people use it as a euphemism for comic books, like they’re ashamed to say the words “comic book” and need to elevate it to the hifalutin status of “graphic novel”. Like you hear people talking about the IRON MAN movies being based on the “graphic novels” or whatever. So I’m all for bringing back the term funnybooks in what I’m saying in my opinion

  29. “Graphic novel”
    “Comic books”
    “Funny papers”

    I’m comfortable plagiarizing our beloved host and simplifying this argument. It’s NERD SHIT.

    Yeah, what Ogre said: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZEdDMQZaCU

  30. 1) I want to subscribe. 2) I want to do so in a way that scores Vern some cash or at least credit.

  31. So does this mean you’re too big to do features for homemade punk zines now? Shit man. Glad to see you going places. Me, I’ve always hated the term “graphic novel.” It’s like “comic book” is an artistic slur, like people are ashamed to say it. Fuck that noise. ya gotta acknowledge the trashiness.

  32. Well, I was on the fence about picking this rag up, so this is pretty awesome news. Congrats vern, I look forward to reading a few strips alongside your BA wisdom.

  33. Detective Comics didn’t get badass until issue 27 when they introduced Batman so it’s good to see that CLinT only took three issues to get their shit together.

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