I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

Party in Rio

tn_partyinrioCITY OF GOD, CITY OF MEN and NEWS FROM A PERSONAL WAR got me interested in what’s going on in Brazil. For further research I decided to check out this video I’d always meant to see, an enlightening travel documentary about Arnold Schwarzenegger visiting Rio De Janeiro during Carnaval.

You young people probly think Schwarznegger is merely the governor of California who used to star in great movies like COMMANDO and TOTAL RECALL, but in fact he is also the former Mr. Universe and notorious horndog. This was 1983, after CONAN THE BARBARIAN but before THE TERMINATOR, and it’s the sort of video that probly mostly played after midnight on Cinemax.

(You young people probly think Cinemax was merely a channel that showed movies. In fact it was what kids used to see boobs before the invention of the internet if they couldn’t find their dad’s stash of Playboys.)

The one I rented was called PARTY IN RIO and the box has a painted cover instead of this GIRLS GONE WILD shit here, but that version doesn't seem to exist on the internet.
The one I rented was called PARTY IN RIO and the box has a painted cover instead of this GIRLS GONE WILD shit here, but that version doesn’t seem to exist on the internet.

Arnold starts out going to a touristy night club where nearly naked women dance sexy on stage in what is packaged as a celebration of Brazilian tradition. He sits in the front booth having a drink with a date (one of six he has in his five day trip, by my count – not including women he just flirts with or kisses on the cheek). His voiceover narration tries to combine leering with education: “During Carnaval gorgeous mulata bodies move in ways even a fitness expert like myself can’t believe.”

It’s not a strip club or anything. Arnold does compliment the skills of the male dancers. But he’s much more impressed by the women. He yells things like “All right, I like that! Yes!” and stands up and claps. At one point he makes his hands into binoculars and ogles with a shit-eating, gap-toothed grin.

His date tries to explain the cultural background of the ass-shaking. “The Brazilians believe that the sacred part of a women is the ass. But the Americans–”

“No no,” interrupts Arnold thoughtfully. “I agree with the Brasilian’s point of view.” Later he narrates, “You know something, after watching the mulatas shake it, I can absolutely understand why Brasil is totally devoted to my favorite body part: the ass.”

Eventually the emcee calls him on stage to dance with the ladies, and sure enough he reaches for his favorite body part/the body part Brazil is totally devoted to. Also he dances in a style not that different from how Jean-Claude Van Damme dances in KICKBOXER.

The next day Arnold watches a capoeira demonstration on the beach. He talks very respectfully about the artform, how it combines martial arts and dance, etc. But when they’re done he zeros in on the one female fighter, lifts her up with one arm and kisses her on the cheek.

At night he goes to a huge dance party dressed in a fake Native American costume, his date dressed as Cleopatra. It’s hard to say whether his dancing in this scene is more damaging to his image as a governor or as an action star. You know what’s weird about Arnold in this video – it’s not surprising that he’s so horny. Conan might be the same way during peace time. What I didn’t expect is that the dude just seems like a dumb stoner. He has that goofy pot smoker’s laugh. He says sleazy things and smiles like a mischeivous little kid.

But he is bringing us along on his tour, so he shows us what he’s learning. He tells us about something “the Brazilians eat” called “fish water,” which despite the name looks like an expensive dish. And I’m pretty sure the Brazilians in CITY OF GOD do not eat fish water. When Arnold was Mr. Universe he travelled around the universe, but I think he was pretty ignorant or at least naive about what was going on in all of its quadrants. He just wanted to go around lifting pieces of metal or small women, he didn’t want to worry about suffering and oppression. I always remember that scene in PUMPING IRON where he’s in apartheid South Africa and doesn’t seem at all uncomfortable being waited on by black servants. This isn’t as bad, but it seems like he really believes Brazil is one big sexy beach resort.

There is some footage of the Carnaval parade, but more time is spent on the beach. There’s a fitness area where he starts working out and there’s an obviously staged moment where a woman stops to check him out, then spends the rest of the day with him. He becomes her sexually harassing personal trainer, telling her what exercises to do and spotting her in ways that seem awfully convenient. Also there’s an interlude where Arnold is not there, it’s just white gauze over the lens and soft focus on a topless lady tanning, jogging in slow motion, caressing her breasts in the water, then in a swimming pool.

Maybe the most uncomfortable scene is where he eats food with a woman who’s supposedly teaching him some Portuguese. He learns words like “kiss” and “hug,” complete with demonstrations. He keeps giggling that he already knows the word “bunda” (his favorite part of the body). He’s even horny about the food, saying, “Yes, even the food looks very sensuous!” According to this article from an outraged expert on Brazilian culture, the re-release as CARNIVAL IN RIO includes extra footage of her fellating a carrot to teach the word “chupar” (to suck).

This is sleazy shit, but don’t worry, I’m not trying to indict Schwarzenegger. This was when he was practically a kid. A 36 year old kid. Seriously, you can’t erase this from his past, and just because you play a barbarian in the movies doesn’t mean you can go around grabbing everybody’s tits. But I do think he’s smarter now. I forgive him. I’ve even warmed to him as a republican governor who has done some good things sometimes. I respect him. But to be honest I might just be succumbing to propaganda. I am susceptible to the awesomeness of a governor having this in his office:

conansword1I mean Jesse Ventura may have had a stronger record as a maverick governor, but as far as I’ve heard he didn’t have Ol’ Painless displayed in his office. And notice there is no glass on there. It’s not locked down. Governor Schwarzenegger does not maintain a no-wielding policy. And I can prove it:

conanswordThose guys are all smiling, but so was that white guy at the beginning of the Wang Chung scene in BLOOD AND BONE. They don’t necessarily know where he’s going with this.

Maybe the guys in the picture are the rights owners to PARTY IN RIO. Apparently it’s an extremely rare video, and I don’t expect to see it hit the Warner Archive any time soon. The store where I rented it requires a $500 deposit. They said during the California recall election they got calls from the Jimmy Kimmel Show trying to borrow it, which must mean they couldn’t find the footage anywhere in California.

But if you ever see it I think you’ll get a kick out of it like I did. They got some funny shit on VHS.

vhs

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 25th, 2010 at 11:42 am and is filed under Documentary, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

13 Responses to “Party in Rio”

  1. Segments turn up on youtube, I seem to recall…

  2. If you’re interested in what’s going on in Brazil, there’s a really good documentary called Manda Bala. It’s sort of like City of God, only it’s about Sao Paulo instead of Rio, so there’s a lot more kidnapping.

  3. Brazil is a very interesting place. It seems to be equal parts alluring and horrifying. I have heard from friends of mine from Brazil about how bad it is down there. They are from a small town out in the country and often invite friends from the sates to come stay with them when they go home to visit, but they will not go to Rio. They say it is just to dangerous unless you know what you are doing, and one of them is a capoeira master who runs his own school and can handle himself in a fight. I have also heard that Brazil is the plastic surgery capitol of the world, and they have numerous popular plastic surgery magazines and publications. It is crazy to think that a country with such rampant poverty where homeless children roam the streets like packs of wild dogs is also so decadent and excessive it is also the plastic surgery capitol of the world.

    Vern, I have been meaning to ask, do you rent your rare videos at Scarecrow Video? I miss that place. It really is the best video store ever.

  4. Here it is
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uerFZ2Z42nc

    It is not complete, just a fragment, but it´s like pure golden. My favorite part is at 2:50 when he dances with the girl and he just grabs her ass. The girl tries to take off those hands, and she looks a bit scared. He laughs, horny as hell, probably thinking just because the girl dances like that he is allowed to threat her like an Stripper.

  5. I don’t know too much about Brazilian cinema but if you go get the Gilles Peterson in Brazil album and it will probably kick off a love of Samba that will have you hunting for imported Os Cobras albums in no time.

    Having that sword in the Gov’s office is all fun and games until Arnold freaks out and starts seeing Obama as Tulsa Doom…

  6. I’ve seen parts of it on the internet , and I’ve also ( recently ) seen Pumping Iron. Man , that was bad . I’ve watched it because I remembered Vern’s review and one gym-obsessed guy I know has it , but I wish I didn’t watch it . First , what was I thinking? It’s Swarzy , alright , but it’s also a bodybuilding documentary , and I hate that shit. Second Swarz really comes out like a jackass in that movie , a totally unaware superficial jackass and I wasn’t expecting that , because I consider him somewhat smart. I’m interested in watching Party in Rio, for my Arnold studies , but I’m also afraid it will have the same effect of Pumping Iron in me .

    Also : It seems , there’s a strange link between action stars and dancing. Vern mentioned the classic Van Damme scene , Arnold is dancing in this one and wasn’t Vin Diesel a dancer at some point? Dancing seems to be the common real-life badass juxtaposition for the action stars.

  7. Kermit, did you watch any of the special features on the PUMPING IRON DVD? Arnold makes it clear that he was cast as the villain in that movie and acted accordingly. In many ways it’s his best performance.

  8. Mr. Majestyk : VHS version , without any kind of extras , we too have still some of those over here in the Old Continent. And if that’s true , that’s an interesting angle , but it completely kills the documentary vibe of the thing , after all he’s playing a part. I say IF it’s true because I don’t know when that commentary/extra/whatever you’re mentioning was made , maybe the older , wiser , Arnold realized what an incredible asshole he was in his young age and produced these extras to cover his ass in the DVD edition . And burned every existing copy he knew of Party in Rio for the same reasons. After all , I said that he’s a smart person .

  9. if I become famous I hope to make a travel video where I ogle pretty girls and act like a horndog too

    hopefully people will get the joke

  10. Wow! That’s all I can say… oh, and awesome! I can argue that those are the only two adjectives to describe this review.

  11. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uerFZ2Z42nc

    It’s got the carrot-face-fucking scene. So sleazy.

  12. Arnold isn’t acting like a barbarian, Vern.
    He is a barbarian.

  13. SEE YOU AT THE PARTY IN RIO RICHTER

Leave a Reply





XHTML: You can use: <a href="" title=""> <img src=""> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <b> <i> <strike> <em> <strong>