I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

VvAvP-R

SPOILER ALERT !!

VERN VS. ALIEN VS. PREDATOR DASH REQUIEM

Aliens, predators, why do you always gotta fight? Why can’t you just resolve your differences? I know they say “whoever wins, we lose” but I’ve seen both the AvP movies and clearly nobody is winning anything. We lose, and you lose our respect.

RESURRECTION and RATATOUILLE were already taken and they needed something that started with an R, so the title of this thing is REQUIEM. That might make you wanna ask who died, but you already know the answer: the remaining dignity of aliens and predators across the universe. Two proud races slandered and humiliated, on the Lord’s birthday no less. And why? For what? What the hell did aliens and predators ever do to us other than entertain and delight us, scare us, fuck up our space colonies and skin some dudes in a jungle? Nothing. And for that we give them a franchise so lazy it can’t even be bothered to spell out its own titles.

AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - RequiemOkay, let me say this. The directors of the movie, who are credited as THE BROTHERS STRAUSE (I picture them as the Barbarian brothers, preferably holding battle axes while on set), are not entirely incompetent. I don’t believe they will ever be smokin hot directors like Ridley Scott was when he created his masterpiece ALIEN (sorry BLADE RUNNER, but you know it’s true. Why don’t you go cry in the rain now?) or like James Cameron when he made one of the best sequels ever made (ALIENS or T2, take your pick). But better than Paul Not Thomas Anderson? Yeah, I’ll buy that. On par with Stephen Hopkins? Sure, why not? I could believe that. But this is no PREDATOR 2. That’s all I ask is a PREDATOR 2 or greater level of quality, but I didn’t get it.

The monsters look pretty cool when you get glimpses of them. There is some violence, and we like violence. The look of the movie is pretty decent for the most part. It’s cool and kind of weird that the director of photography is Daniel Pearl of THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE fame and TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE infamy. After a nicely shot opening in the Colorado woods that ironically mimics E.T., the power eventually goes out and most of the events end up taking place in dark buildings or tunnels or outside in the rainy night. This was an intentional choice to imitate the dark and wet look of ALIEN, but I’m not sure they thought it through that well. In ALIEN the alien is mysterious, kept off screen most of the time, and Scott is using our imagination against us, all the while knowing that when we do see it the thing is so fuckin weird it’s gonna be scarier even than what we were picturing.

THE BROTHERS STRAUSE don’t have that advantage or that goal. The aliens are not mysterious and there is no time in the movie where they try to create any tension about where the aliens are. More often there is some scene where two ordinary characters are talking about ordinary things in a kitchen and suddenly an alien storms in and kills them. Or some dudes are fighting over a girl at a swimming pool and an alien comes out and kills them. So when we finally get what the letters before the dash in the title promised why the fuck does it have to be in the dark, in the rain, with a handheld camera shaking around? Is there some storytelling reason why we should not clearly see what’s going on in the climactic fight between the only two characters anybody gives a shit about? I don’t think there is. And that kind of sums up the movie. Not thought through that well, and no reason for it.

The thing about this movie, it’s not the kind of bad where it’s funny or awe inspiring in its craziness or anything like that. It’s more frustrating because it’s competently made but it’s so misguided from the very concept that you can’t figure out why the hell they didn’t try to do something more worthwhile. Maybe they could’ve pulled it off.

This might be some kind of arcane wisdom that nobody else is privy to, but I happen to know that both the ALIEN and PREDATOR movies are not just monster movies, they’re about CHARACTERS. Obviously Ripley is one of the all time great characters in sci-fi movies. But there’s also Dallas, Ash, Parker and Harry Dean Stanton (admittedly, I forgot his name was Brett). And in ALIENS who can forget Bishop, Vasquez, Burke (eerily believable sleazy bureaucrat) or of course Private “Game over, man!” Hudson? And that’s only a few of the memorable characters in those movies. PREDATOR’s characters are more iconic action movie types. The monster is cool but the reason for the movie’s longevity is the asskicking ensemble of cigar chomping Dutch, Carl Weathers and Bill Duke at their most badass, crazy fuckin Sonny Landham and Jesse “The Body” Ventura’s greatest role with his greatest lines and his greatest weapon.

So how does credited screenwriter Shane Salerno try to build on the legacies of those beloved characters? WITH A FUCKING PIZZA DELIVERY BOY IN A SMALL TOWN IN COLORADO. That’s the hero of the movie. He is sad because his boss makes him wear a hat and because he has the hots for a blonde model in his class, but she’s dating an asshole bully who looks like Fred from Scooby Doo if he were 30 years old and trying to dress up as a contemporary high school student. (I’m betting they cut out the scene explaining that these characters are undercover narcs like on 21 JUMP STREET.) Fred makes fun of Pizza Boy for being a Pizza Boy so Pizza Boy calls Fred a fag so Fred takes his keys and throws them in the sewer! That will surely be an iconic scene everyone will always remember like Ripley in the powerloader or Dutch jumping from the Predator bomb.

(By the way, can we have a moratorium on sewer tunnels? How many towns in Colorado really have huge sewer tunnels with walkways in them? If you believe movies every street in the world has a sewer tunnel below, crawling with mutant crocodiles, vampires, reapers, aliens, predators, Beauty and the Beast and who knows what else.)

Anyway the blond gets mad and breaks up with Fred and about an hour in she and Pizza Boy are gonna sneak into the school swimming pool to screw. But then Fred shows up and there’s gonna be a fight! And the Predator is there too! Also there’s a part where the Predator comes out of the cement on the street by Dairy Queen. You know, the one across the street from Papa John’s. I know I am making this sound like one of the all time great movies but actually it’s kind of dull.

There are supposed to be safeguards such as “common sense” and “basic decency” put in place to prevent this sort of thing from happening. I’m sure there are many people responsible for it but we need a scapegoat so I’m gonna pin it on Salerno. Unless he comes into the talkback and claims that he was held at gunpoint and the lives of his loved ones were at stake, I don’t think there’s an acceptable excuse for writing a movie like this. He would probaly claim that the studio head used to work in the pizza delivery industry and would not greenlight the movie unless it gave him a forum to share those experiences with ALIEN and PREDATOR fans as he had always dreamed. Sorry bud, that doesn’t get you off the hook. You are still responsible for your actions regardless of who told you to do it or how much money they paid you. Haven’t you seen A SIMPLE PLAN? Or JUDGMENT AT NUREMBERG?

Come to think of it I don’t think he has because at the end of the movie (SPOILER) the military has nuked the town RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD style, the dumbass heroes have escaped the blast and are surrounded by soldiers, and the guy called Dallas (who’s no Tom Skerritt, by the way) says “You bastards! You killed every one in the whole town!” A soldier says, “We were just following orders.” And then the heroes put down their guns, accepting that as a reasonable answer, and the movie ends, as if we are also supposed to accept that.
But, sorry bud. You’re wrong on that one. Nuremberg was right.

I don’t like to call people I don’t know idiots, but how do you explain this getting made? Who the fuck thought this was the story to use? If this is the one they give the greenlight to then what the fuck were the rejected ideas? I’m sure there was one where they were in the hood, and one where they were on a reality TV show. Hey, I have an idea, next time you should go the LEPRECHAUN route and put them in space! That would really mix this franchise up if you could put the aliens into an alien environment like that! You can use this idea for free, no need to credit me.

I have enough problems accepting aliens on earth in the present day, because of how stupid and insignificant that makes Ripley’s story. Still, I was willing to accept this as a cheesy PREDATOR sequel. But the story is not a PREDATOR story, it’s a worse than usual NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET sequel. I’m surprised they didn’t throw in a part about how the parents don’t believe the kids that there are aliens and predators.

There are scenes where the kids are struggling with their love lives and you just think, what the fuck THE BROTHERS STRAUSE, why are you showing me this? You could take this same dumb ass story and make it much more tolerable just by not following these walking cliches with blond streaks. Do it only from the point of view of the cops, instead of partly. Or from the POV of the soldiers who are called in to respond. Or best of all, from the POV of the Predator. He’s the only character you really perk up for when he shows up.

By the way, this movie does not contradict my theory that the hunters in PREDATOR 1&2 are the redneck yokels of Predator society. In fact, they briefly show the Predator planet and there are buildings there, it’s not a bunch of trees with skulls nailed to them or anything. They are civilized. The main Predator here is just sitting at his post in Predator City, minding his own business, when he finds out about those stupid Mitchell Report muscleheads from AvP1 and he has to fly to earth to clean up their mess, destroy the evidence before humans find out about aliens and warn Ripley not to go into space or something. I’m not actually clear why exactly he has to destroy the evidence, but he’s probaly just doing his job, like Salerno. And like Salerno he’s not that great at his job, since he first destroys evidence of aliens and then, moments later, skins a man alive and hangs him upside down ten feet in the air.

Still, he’s a pretty good Predator and clearly the most interesting character in the movie. So if they weren’t gonna put any effort toward actual characters they should’ve cut all that shit out and made the movie about the Predator. The directors are special effects guys, by the way, and clearly are better with monster suits than with TV actors. Either that or nobody told them how this brother team thing works, that one of the brothers is supposed to work with the actors while the other one moves the camera around.

I’m not saying there can’t be humans in a movie like this (although I always wanted to see that in an ALIEN movie). But if it’s mainly gonna be about the human characters and their love lives, you better make them resemble humans, or at least characters. If you could take out all of the characters and their storylines, you would have a passable movie. So good effort I guess on the other stuff, fellas. But next time do better.

–Vern

Originally posted at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/35164

View the archived Ain’t-It-Cool-News Talkback

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:26 a.m. CST

    Awaiting the covert Salerno posts.

    by Dallasalad

    They’re my new favorite site feature.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:27 a.m. CST

    WHY WHY WHY!!!!

    by boogy110

    Do they always fuck up shit that can be so awesome!!! The AVP comics were 1000 times better!!

    THIRD!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:30 a.m. CST

    Thanks for the review Vern!

    by DerLanghaarige

    Thank you for showing the kids what a good review looks like.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:30 a.m. CST

    Hey Vern, here might be an explanation:

    by Mike_D

    I think these guys were just trying to wrap up the “aliens and predator on earth” angle that P.W.Anderson started. They state in an interview that they ended this one purposely so that the 3rd movie would HAVE to end in space. I hope they are right and we all get the AVP movie we all hoped and deserve.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:32 a.m. CST

    Vern is blatantly using his summoning power!!!

    by Alonzo Mosely

    What hath he wrought! What hath he wrought! (See I could be a screenwriter, that would be great dialogue)…

    I am sure Salerno is too busy reading in awe his Wiki entry to bother with this, but I am guessing there is no reason why some unrelated in any sense, newly registered talkbacker will come here to defend it…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:36 a.m. CST

    Thank you, vern!!

    by bob oblaw

    my boyfriend (bless his heart) was actually trying to convince me to see this piece of shite instead of THERE WILL BE BLOOD..

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:39 a.m. CST

    Skywalker family

    by Vern

    Nope, wrong. I loved I AM LEGEND and defended it on these talkbacks. I AM LEGEND has some bad effects but a great story, character and acting performance. AvP-R has pretty good effects. You pick which one is better. I already did.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:40 a.m. CST

    There is no Father Christmas…..

    by zufflezipperfish

    Right, spoilt someone else’s Christmas. Fuckin’ Alien vs Predator Re-quim more like.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:42 a.m. CST

    Mike D

    by Vern

    Well, being on earth is dumb, but if they had good characters I would figure out some way to wrap my brain around it. So being on earth is not really the main problem. Also, they could easily not follow up on the ending, which is not in space, and (in the tradition of AvP1) seems like it thinks you’re gonna be surprised by something obvious that you assumed would have to happen in an Alien vs. Predator movie.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:43 a.m. CST

    “There Will Be Blood” is a political message not worth seeing.

    by Mike_D

    cause we all know oil is the cause of all evil especially for the war on terrorism.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:44 a.m. CST

    Best Review of 2007!

    by DrPain

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:47 a.m. CST

    I dont think they should have had memorable characters for AVP-R

    by Mike_D

    being that they purposely had the “on earth” angle end as it is. I mean, I know these guys are first-time directors and directions towards the actors are lacking, but I thought it was a fun ride. Like “Planet Terror”, only not a parody but the real thing LOL.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:51 a.m. CST

    reason for hiding in dark…

    by joergn

    Man, they have to put those monsters in the dark! Let´s be honest, close-up, slow-mo shots of men in rubbersuits battling each other look gay and cheap. Watch the last 300 Godzilla flics for example!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:54 a.m. CST

    Spiderman Emo Underage Sex Megan Fox

    by darrenspool

    Imagine that in an Alien/Predator movie. FUCK YOU 20th Century Fox.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:55 a.m. CST

    I am Salerno

    by Flim_

    Listen up fools… All I did was write a romantic comedy about when I used to deliver pizza, and all the kooky people who order pizza, and my girlfriend (at the time) who was from the Predator planet. They bought my script and rewrote it completely, and added those aliens from the ALIEN movies. Here I am still delivering ‘za and I don’t see any residuals from that piece of shit at all, because of ‘creative accounting’. Hollywood, man… All the shit you hear is true.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:55 a.m. CST

    Mike D

    by Vern

    Seriously though? You think memorable characters would’ve hurt the movie? I’m not gonna argue with you on that one, because if you stare into the abyss that motherfucker stares right back at ya. But thanks for the input.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2 a.m. CST

    AvP reboot

    by SlickyVonBoner

    Wait 5 years or so and cast a well-known male action star in the lead to get people into the theater. Jason Statham? Set in the future on another planet. Follow the story of the original AvP comics. Predators drop alien eggs on a terraforming outpost, let them hatch an cause a ruckus. Predators follow shortly to start huntin’. Colonial Marines try and defend the colony and fight for their lives. Fill in the rest yourself, Fox, you can’t go wrong!! Your welcome. What do you pay your writers for???

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:03 a.m. CST

    Just stick a few predators on LV-426

    by nascentia

    Seriously, imagine what an AvP movie would be like if a predator or six were just kind of dropped into ‘Aliens.’ There’s your awesome movie – 20 colonial marines, 150-something aliens, 6 predators, barren-ass planet. It doesn’t even need an elaborate plot or set-up, just that the predators were somehow aware of the conflict and went down (redneck style!) to do some huntin’ in said bad-ass conflict.

    I haven’t gotten around to seeing AvP:R yet, but will someone answer me this one question – does it being “R” at least make it SLIGHTLY better than the first AvP?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:03 a.m. CST

    Orcus

    by Alonzo Mosely

    Hit the other AvP talkback Mori put up a few days back… Read that TB, it is a fucking joy… I won’t spoil it, but I am still proud of my Manhatten Project gag…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:04 a.m. CST

    That’s Bruce Banner as the pizza guy

    by Mullah Omar

    Alien vs. Predator vs. Hulk.

    And you know what – why not just film that? It doesn’t sound like this franchise can get any more generic, so just take it over the top.

    This seems like such an easy franchise to get right. Ignore the humans and instead focus on . . . ALIENS AND PREDATORS!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:05 a.m. CST

    More thought in that review…

    by Vindaloo76

    … than in the movie. My fault for going to see a franchise I dig knowing that no early screening = fecacelluloid.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:05 a.m. CST

    Vern, nice movie plot.

    by jdl82

    “By the way, this movie does not contradict my theory that the hunters in PREDATOR 1&2 are the redneck yokels of Predator society. In fact, they briefly show the Predator planet and there are buildings there, it’s not a bunch of trees with skulls nailed to them or anything. They are civilized. The main Predator here is just sitting at his post in Predator City, minding his own business, when he finds out about those stupid Mitchell Report muscleheads from AvP1 and he has to fly to earth to clean up their mess, destroy the evidence before humans find out about aliens and warn Ripley not to go into space or something.”
    That sounds like an interesting movie. Had the film been from that Predator’s POV, I would actually want to see it.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:11 a.m. CST

    the question I meant to ask in the review

    by Vern

    is: does Salerno, or the studio, or whoever, really believe that there are people out there who will be excited to find out what happens between pizza delivery boy and blond tit girl? And if so, do they know about PREDATOR and ALIEN? Did somebody not tell them about these movies?

    It’s not a jokey movie like TRANSFORMERS (there’s 3 or 4 jokes, one got laughs when I saw it) so obviously they’re trying to make it serious and intense. I just don’t see why they can’t spend the whole movie focusing on this alien invasion. They act like this kid getting a girlfriend is also important to the audience.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:15 a.m. CST

    you dont think

    by DarthCorns

    that mabye fox fucked up the cut? is it entirely possible that there is a “meh” cut of the film?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Didn’t hate it.

    by Psyclops

    I know I’m in the minority here but I thought this was much better than the first AVP. I enjoyed it. I do agree with Vern about the characters. If you’re going to have the audience spend a majority of the film following the humans around then you’d better make them interesting enough to keep our attention. While I think a few of these characters felt a little more believable than the scientists and mercenaries who populated the first movie I still think most these people were about as poorly developed as anything Paul Anderson and Shane Salerno churned out the first time around. That said, I thought this film had a little more energy, better creature designs (the Predator was definitely an improvement) and a much better score than the previous movie. I think it’s about equal to PREDATOR 2 for me, something that falls under the “guilty pleasure” or “stupid but fun” category.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:21 a.m. CST

    Thanks Vern

    by BitterMan23

    We’re getting eviscerated over at B-D for having more or less the exact same opinion… just not as funny to read. *Bows*

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:22 a.m. CST

    Mike D: What Are You Talking About?

    by Defunct Gamer

    I don’t even know what to say to somebody who defends AvP-R but tells others not to see There Will Be Blood. Political message or not, There Will Be Blood is easily one of the very best movies of the year (and one of the best movies I have seen). Then again, not everybody likes really good movies.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:38 a.m. CST

    Does the Predator support Ron Paul?

    by Bass Bastardson

    Cause I think he’s been doing a lot of trash talking about Obama over on digg. Truthfully I’m sick of hearing it. Fucking Predators and their infatuation with the gold standard.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:42 a.m. CST

    Also, Vern…

    by Bass Bastardson

    I was really hoping that you would thrash the film a little harder. I haven’t seen it yet, but it just looks abysmal to me and your negative reviews usually slay me. This review didn’t make me laugh to the point of tears like a lot of your reviews have. Instead I just chuckled inside. I find that very disappointing.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:42 a.m. CST

    VERN’s PAY

    by gravitasone

    Vern definitely needs a pay increase. I am not sure what his commission or salary is but it needs to go up. This is easily the best review that I have read in a long time and it had me rollin’ (laughing out loud for those who don’t speak the lingo). It reminds me of why I use to read this website all of the time for spoilers and opinions. One point of disagreement though, if the story took place on Earth during Ripley’s time I am sure it would be cool. Doing Aliens story in modern settings makes it feel like a prequel. I personally haven’t seen a prequel yet that I like. Just my two cents.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:43 a.m. CST

    I have to agree with mike and psyclops

    by bcz1

    AVP-R is pretty decent. I think its right about at predator 2 level. Honestly, the pizza kid’s back-story is only maybe 5 minutes out of the movie, and the other characters are servicable(I actually wish they spent some MORE time with them). Aside from that its a fun and crazy ride. Does the earth setting suck? Yes, it kinda does, but the movie makes the best of it without fucking with the continuity of the other movies.

    Just my 2-cents

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:45 a.m. CST

    GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!!!

    by Zombie Vig

    Fox, stop this nonsense already. If the only reason they made this movie was to earn a quick buck, why not just sell Alien vs Predator toilet rolls. At least it’s useful.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:48 a.m. CST

    Am i the only one…

    by vadakinX

    Is it just me? Am i the only one who…if we had to have a direct sequel to AVP, would have preferred an all out action film with the Predator ship arriving on its homeworld, full of Aliens, starting an all out war with the Predators trying to defend their civilisation destroy the Aliens who want what they’ve always wanted, hosts?

    Now i have a big ego…i admit that. I think, like most talkbackers, that i know better than the guys who make these movies. This comes from my treatments for Fantastic Four, Dragonball and Transformers (as well as Justice league, Superman and a few others) that i had written over the years…people who read them thought they were great…in fact i was going to submit my Dragonball treatment to Fox before the movie was announced.

    So I have a big ego…and as such i fully expect to be slaughtered in this talkback…go ahead, I brought it on myself.

    But to me, all of these movies are quite simple…what i mean is, i see these films a certain way, like this is how they should be done and for the most part people tend to agree with me.

    But what gets to me is that i know i’m going to be a poorly paid screenwriter working on small independant films for years to come…i do it because i love movies, not for money…but these guys, these writers who get paid the big money to write these scripts…it pisses me off because I’m left to wonder what makes them so much better than me?

    I’m a smalltime screenwriter who will never be noticed by Hollywood…but these guys are win with the execs, they get the big jobs, supposedly because they’re talented…so if a nobody like me can see these projects and understand how they should be done, heck if the majority of talkbackers can see how these films should be done, then why can’t these big-name writers who get paid for it?

    What is the difference between me (or you) and them? Why do they gt to make these films while many talented writers are out in the wilderness?

    When i think of Alien vs Predator, i think…ok we already know who they are and what they are, so there’s not really going to be any tension or suspense there so whats the point in trying…sure add a few scares here and there…but what this type of movie needs is a location like a spaceship or the predator homeworld…an alien environment. You could add humans, but the focus should be on the title characters…and from there, have them beat the shit out of each other.

    Personally, I think a movie about Predators defending their homeworld against Aliens would rock…if you want to add humans, set it in the future and have a military detachment be sent there to investigate…or something…maybe the humans brought the aliens to the predator homeworld, that works…and you would have some characters who speak english…no humans means no english-speaking Predators thank you very much.

    It’s simple and it works…I get it, you guys get it…so why can’t the people who make these things. I would give anything to have that writers job, but its never going to happen, so i’m stuck in a talkback venting my feelings because i’m so fucking frustrated at the lack of braincells among hollywood blockbuster writers.

    Fox, Warners…somebody…give me a fucking job.

    Anyways, thats my pointless rant…I await your backlash.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:04 a.m. CST

    vadakinx

    by Vindaloo76

    no backlash.. sounds like it would have been a fun romp on the Predators homeworld. However, when you pick screenwriters who can’t create believable human characters, it would be a tough sell for them to write a Predator character. For all we know they would make them speak the English that they learned while under cloak a la Bumblebee in TF. And you know they would do it because they don’t care about this franchise. I don’t profess to know how the studios work, but based on the percentage of stink they produce, I can’t imagine it being worth it. Stay indie and make a good indie film with the love and care of a real film-maker on your terms.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:09 a.m. CST

    Now that..

    by TimMighty

    ..was a review.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:09 a.m. CST

    The Cinematographer

    by Autodidact

    The DOP is Daniel Pearl, who also did the shooting on Pathfinder last year. I think he should have his fucking head cut off.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:12 a.m. CST

    good review vern

    by franklin_quoyle

    i agree with everything you wrote. but i still enjoyed the movie quite a bit. much more than AVP1. this was like an episode of dawson’s creek, with aliens. or whatever teen show is on these days. sure the acting is very very poor, sure the human subplots are completely forgetable, but then aliens come in and cause trouble, and then the predator comes in and causes more trouble.

    comparing it to any aliens or predator movies will disappoint, but comparing it to something like…slither? i enjoyed it more than that movie.

    if it would have come out in the 80’s it would be considered a classic by now, predator/aleins breaking through the sewers and coming out on main street, aliens roaming through hospitals.

    i dunno, i agree with all your points vern but still, best alien movie i’ve seen since…alien 3? aliens? maybe.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:14 a.m. CST

    Shaky cam stuff

    by Vindaloo76

    Is it a cost-cutting measure, a stylistic choice, or what? I simply do not get the effect it is trying to achieve. It is one of the worst used tactics of the past decade. It is so un-cinematic

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:18 a.m. CST

    I love big movies

    by vadakinX

    Sure, i have more control over what i write with indie flicks, but dammit i love big movies…I grew up in the 80s and 90s, I grew up with blockbusters, sure I have Godfather and such on my shelf, but I also have Star Wars and Indy and Spider-man and all of those there too.

    I’m not a huge fan of the Alien or Predator franchises…I enjoyed the movies, but they were never my favourites…but I am capable of seeing the potential there in a combined movie. Transformers had so much potential, fantastic Four had so much potential. even Dragonball, which would be very hard to faithfully adapt into a good film has potential. It just makes me sad and frustrated that Hollywood writers either can’t see it, or just ignore it. These are the films i dreamed of making…I’m sure the same goes for a lot of people here. And to see them handled so badly…it’s frustrating. because yeah, I do think i could do better…maybe that’s arrogance, for which i apologise…but when you see the crap that Hollywood is churning out…maybe all of us could do better.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:21 a.m. CST

    Featuring no humans is a bad idea

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    it drives up production costs and makes a logical plot structure hard to mount. Also, how do you market it? What’s the hook? How exactly does a film like that work? It would be an excellent short, but a feature length? I think not.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:21 a.m. CST

    shaky cam

    by vadakinX

    Whatever happened to setting a camera and just shooting the scene? It worked for 80 years,so what’s changed? It’s all well and good wanting to get the audience up close and personal with the action, but it doesn’t work when we can’t fucking see what’s happening.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:25 a.m. CST

    Yet you guys love the bourne movies

    by bcz1

    Seriously, how come everyone embraces and raves about the action in that movie(which is way worse than the stuff here), yet you criticize it when its done here? I hate that they overused it in this movie, but seriously we shouldn’t be selective with this stuff.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:26 a.m. CST

    Amen

    by FuryofthefilmFan

    Nuff Said.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:27 a.m. CST

    It was done with grace in borne

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    and it made thematic sense. Here…no real reason.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:31 a.m. CST

    didn’t like it

    by Vindaloo76

    in Bourne either except in the car smashes. Enjoyed the movies as a whole but still left wishing they had toned it down a little on the cam. Like bad cgi, it tends to take me out instead of reeling me in.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:32 a.m. CST

    no humans

    by vadakinX

    Let me direct your attention to Apocalypto….no english, but made a lot of money.

    The Predators become the humans, they become the main characters but they dont speak english…they speak in their own subtitled language. It works if you make it a straight up action movie. Not sure about the budget, it would cost quite a bit…but it is possible.

    You don’t need humans to create a plot..the plot can be created by the situation, Aliens arrive and threaten Predator civilisation, the predators gear up for war, wanting to wipe the Aliens out…commence shit-kicking.

    The hook is simple…Aliens vs Predators on a massive scale…actually, you could maybe do it as a cgi movie, but if we’re talking live action, I think it’s possible.

    I would only have humans in it if it was set in the future, after the events of the alien films and had nothing to do with the current AvP story.

    If I was to do it that way, then the humans would be a small group of marines, who crash land on the Predator homeworld, bringing the aliens with them. Then the focus of the film would be about the marines basically trying to get off the planet while the predators and aliens wage war.

    But again, I’d love to do a strictly non-human movie if it was possible. Though there are ways to include humans if need be without changing the overall story too much.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:42 a.m. CST

    Defunct Gamer: If a political message movie is smart cinema-

    by Mike_D

    then the audience truley is naive. They pulled this same shit with “The Castle” right after 9/11 with the end of the movie being all about raising your american flag high, and also with the first spider-man movie (need I not point out the obvious in that flick). I go to the movies to be entertained, not to be lectured. We all know that oil is “evil” and that it corrupts men who want lots of $$$, but give me a fucking break.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:48 a.m. CST

    Oh and about my defending on AVP-R:

    by Mike_D

    These guys tried to undo what Paul Anderson created, they tried to make it so that the studio would HAVE to bring this franchise back into space and not on earth. They took the entertaining factors of the films and brought them into B-movie territory. I dont remember them saying “you’ll love these human elements, they make the story evolve” in the interviews they had. If I remember correctly, they say a lot about bringing it back to the R-rated roots of gore and action, and also bringing back the elements the fans love (not necessarily the Riply or the Hicks). They made this movie to make the audience and fans forget the first AVP film, and also put a band-aid around the film to furthur the franchise and evolve it back to what it was originally: an action-packed gory AVP franchise originally concieved in the comics. Now that they have this film out of the way, I am VERY curious to see as what they would do with the 3rd film being in space.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:55 a.m. CST

    Me too, if there is a third..

    by Vindaloo76

    If the numbers aren’t good enough, what are the odds that Fox will stick their necks out for a third installment. It is tied up neat enough to tie it into the original Alien movie without a third one. Man are they strategic. The third one will end with a Predator communicating with the Space Jockey because now they use a third party to transport their eggs after the latest debacle aboard their multizillion credit space vessel. The last scene will be the Space Jockey taking off and a little facehugger running around – cut to credits.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:55 a.m. CST

    Mike_D

    by Scrolly

    “Now that they have this film out of the way, I am VERY curious to see as what they would do with the 3rd film being in space.”

    Your kidding right? The Brothers Shite should never be allowed near another film ever again.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:59 a.m. CST

    to the screenwriter guy above…

    by BobPalpatine

    I’m glad you’re a great writer and that your friends all agree. Why don’t you post part of one your treatments on here?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:04 a.m. CST

    Scrolly

    by Mike_D

    I dont know about that. It came in 3rd place on opening day (which was Christmas) right behind 2 family features, which isnt bad for a rated R-film on X-mas. If Uwe Boll and Paul Anderson can make flicks, dont be too suprised if these guys will be allowed to make the trilogy.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:20 a.m. CST

    Pwned

    by Unlabled

    Lol @ Vern. Once again writing what we all feel and think

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:26 a.m. CST

    by PedroM

    Wow the second movie is out only a few days and you people are talking about the third one? Fuck that, i hope it´ll never get made unless someone with VISION and COMMOM SENSE helms it. Fox raped both franchises. Yes, “they” did it, it takes a lot of fucking hard work to spoil such great movies. Well done, Fox, well fucking done.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Excellent review, Vern.

    by DocPazuzu

    I was laughing as much from the actual funny stuff as in malicious glee over the raking the film received at your hands (“Nuremberg was right.”). Hell, I’ll even forgive you for stealing my “set it in space next time” joke from the last talkback.

    Hopefully your legendary summoning powers are in effect. I can almost see you now, Arnie style, covered in mud, raising a torch and screaming AAUUUURRRGGHHH!!! in order to flush the fuckers out. Let’s hope Salerno will show up again in one of his “clever” identities to defend himself.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:38 a.m. CST

    They should use my script idea………

    by Han Cholo

    That I wrote in another talkback. You have everything an AVP movie needs and yes, good character development and likeable characters at that. Plus lots of Aliens, a Predator that kicks ass, alien landscapes, military coverups, and a whole planet that blows up real good. How can you not use it?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:43 a.m. CST

    Alien Dead

    by Cronenfly

    All hope is lost for one last truly great alien film…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:51 a.m. CST

    Well a pizza boy is different…

    by photoboy

    Having not seen the film or the script I can’t really say if it’s any good or not, but I don’t think the actual concept of the hero being a pizza boy is too terrible. I mean Ripley was just the first officer on a lowly mining ship and Newt was just a little girl and they both survived against the alien (Alien 3 never happened and I’m sticking to that)! So in theory it shouldn’t be too horrible, but I guess the execution is where it all falls down.

    The trouble with the Alien films is that they were just very, very lucky with the first two directors who managed to make much better films than anyone could have possibly expected. Without Scott or Cameron I think the chances of anyone ever making another decent Aliens movie is zero as I can’t think of another director out there who has the talent that they have who would be willing to make a Aliens film.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:52 a.m. CST

    Predator 2 sucked

    by Bobo_Vision

    The main reason it sucked: Danny Glover. And I’m not faulting Glover as an actor, but in the first film you had Schwarzenegger and his motley crew of mercenaries barely defeating one Predator. Then in the second one, you have numerous Predators going up against…Danny Glover.
    And his weapon of choice: a six-shooter. Maybe I need to watch it again since I saw it several years ago, or maybe I need to watch it and pretend the first one never existed, but given that its a sequel, thats pretty hard to do. The concept of Predators in the big city had promise, but they needed to have a viable nemesis.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:54 a.m. CST

    Jean-Pierre Jeunet

    by Cronenfly

    Don’t forget about his line of work. City of The Lost Children is stunning

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:58 a.m. CST

    Agree with Vern.

    by Zappary

    If you watched the red band trailer, you’ve already seen all the worthwhile stuff in this movie.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:13 a.m. CST

    The reason Predator 2 didn´t sucked

    by joergn

    It had Bill Paxton in it! You can never go wrong with that (Just ask Cameron).

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:15 a.m. CST

    And no, AVP without Humans wouldn´t work

    by joergn

    Seriously who should you relate to and would you really want to read subtitels (for that Predator hissing) the whole movie? I don´t think so.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:19 a.m. CST

    Finally a _good_ review in AICN!

    by Der-Rabe

    The end part about Predator not doing its job well enough made me laugh out loud and wet my pants. :D

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:24 a.m. CST

    I trust Vern

    by CuervoJones

    So i am not going to pay to see this movie.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:26 a.m. CST

    THIS YEARS LITTLE MISS ET VS YODA!

    by Pipple

    GAME ON BITCH

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:28 a.m. CST

    Vern liked I Am Legend?

    by CuervoJones

    My heart is broken. That movie is Hollywood crap and high treason to Matheson´s novel.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:34 a.m. CST

    wasnt’ that bad

    by dutch75

    come on guys, this movie was cool. Sure the script was shit but damn the predator was a badass. The weapons were cool and the aliens were cool and actually seem to have thought processes.

    I find it fucking silly that most critics (including this site) are expecting fucking gone with the wind or something. News alert: the title has VS. in it!! It’s not gonna be fucking prince of tides for god’s sake! Go to the movie, enjoy wolf wreck shit, eat your popcorn, and be grateful these guys decided to give us another alien vs. predator movie.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:38 a.m. CST

    I ain’t got time to bleed

    by kafka07

    also I ain’t got time to see this shitty movie.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:41 a.m. CST

    so then the ‘Requiem’ is for..

    by kafka07

    this dead franchise?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:53 a.m. CST

    Emilio

    by Desk of Steel

    Just check this song out and see: www.myspace.com/elprivates

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:11 a.m. CST

    I still think…

    by Rei-Ginsei

    I still think they should have just went with the story from the original AvP comic by Dark Horse. Predators hunting aliens on some dirtball planet that just happens to have a human colony – even stick to the same art direction, since they really blended the vibe of both franchises so well.

    Vern’s review was a little more subdued than normal, but still enjoyable. His reviews and the Talkbacks are the reason I keep coming back here…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:21 a.m. CST

    Vern, you pretty much summed up my opinion

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I laughed quietly throughout most of it. Most of it was pretty bad outside of the more visceral violence. Still…..it was better than the first, but thats like saying my vomit tastes better than your shit.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:22 a.m. CST

    No rejected scripts? What about the fight in K-mart

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    What about the version that ended with a fight in K-mart of whatever?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:25 a.m. CST

    The first 2/3rd of I am Legend wasn’t too bad

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    And the last 3rd is only lame because it isn’t really shit compared to what happens in the book.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Vern: less enjoyable than AvP 1, then?!

    by JasonPratt

    Kind of sounds like it. AvP1 seemed to fall into the ‘amusing trainwreck’ category; this seems to fall into the ‘meh’ category. A comparison of your reviews for each of them is instructive. (As someone else noted, a great review here, but more subdued than usual. I’m inclined to blame the source material for the differences in tone. {g}

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:29 a.m. CST

    Also… am I getting a “Apes” movie progression vibe here??

    by JasonPratt

    Reading the various plot comments gave me a flash association with the semi-circular plot structure of the Planet of the Apes films (not counting the Burton remake). With which I also suddenly associated their downward spiral in quality.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:29 a.m. CST

    Predator 3

    by Captain RawBeard

    I agree with Mr Spork. Just make a Predator 3. set it during the Gulf War, a group of marines are sent out to search for a lost group. find skinned bodies in a part of a town. Predator turns up. BOOM BABY. Make it a hard R – cast Jason Statham and have Cameo from Arnold –

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:39 a.m. CST

    AT LAST VERN GIVES US THE GOODS…

    by travis-dane

    I demanded a pro review of AvP2 and VERN did it!He is the only one at AICN who has the BALLS to watch that SHIT!THANK YOU VERN!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:40 a.m. CST

    Final Nail In The Coffin…SAD

    by ls420

    It took me a year to get the nerve to see the first AvP, and It was worse than I imagined…

    I dont think Ill ever watch this one, Im tired of being disappointed with what could of been a kick ass franchise…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:43 a.m. CST

    Oh, this flick is in no way Predator 2

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    at least in that flick you had Bill Paxton getting his nuts squeezed by Alonso, Morton Downey Jr, atmosphere(you know, something directors come up with. Hopkins leaves these guys for dead.) and action that was clear and well choreographed. The only thing I have against that movie is it resulted in this shit by setting these two iconic movie monsters in the same universe.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:48 a.m. CST

    I am Legend had a great story and visuals: wtf

    by palewook

    wtf, seriously. they hacked the story. i am legend doesnt suck, but its not a great story. nor is it a great movie. its a hacked up piece of hollywood crap for the masses unable to deal with a movie that doesn’t have a prefab sunshine ending.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:49 a.m. CST

    First person Predator

    by Dazzler69

    Should have been all first person in Predator, get more background on their society. When pesky humans get in the way give them a quick line like “but we need to get back together honey…” and splatter them. They probably did the pizza guy hero to try to appeal to girls for that demo. Did not work I figure.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:52 a.m. CST

    dutch75

    by Zino

    Why do we have to lower our standards just because the movie features aliens and predators and has ‘vs’ in the title? I heard this argument so many times in the Transformers talkbacks (it is a giant robot movie and therefore it must be dumb), and Vern blew it out of the water in his TF review.
    Go watch Aliens and Predator again. They are classic genre movies that set the bar high for anyone that followed. So while nobody realistically expected this sequel to be any good, there is nothing wrong with wanting a movie that lives up to the originals, and expressing disappointment when once again they fail to deliver.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:57 a.m. CST

    F-U STRAUSE BRO-HOES

    by AllofHydraulX_

    WHATA FUKKIN PIECE O SHIT FROM 2 EGOTISTICAL FAT TARDS WHO SLEEP IN CAMMO WITH SILVER SPOONS IN THEIR ASSES. YOU 2 HAVE NOTHING TO BE ARROGANT ABOUT NOW, ASSWIPES.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:11 a.m. CST

    OK SO Daniel Pearl

    by Series7

    Is the same guy who did the Cinematography for Pathfinder. This explains A LOT. I think this movie would have been awesome if someone on set had brought a light. Take this movie for what it is and its a fun romp and the guy from Rescue Me (took me half the movie to remember that) I think did a semi decent job with the crap he was handed. I am not going to stick up for the movie, but I am not going to blame the brothers. I am going to blame fox for wussifying this down A la PG-13 Die Hard. I do not know why they do not have any respect or faith in there older Franchises? I think that the brothers directed all the AVP stuff and then they had someone else go back and direct the cheesy CW crap. Hopefully this movie was just a test for a much better movie, the deaths in the movie were pretty sweet and the Predator was bad ass. Vern is 100 percent correct in his review as to what is wrong with this movie. But it could have been light years worse. Its a lot better then the first one, and its just as much fun as I Am William Smith. Both movies are just leave your brain at the door.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:26 a.m. CST

    No Humans = Crappy Movie

    by amaysingstories

    I really don’t get all the people who seem to be clamoring for a movie with just Predators knocking heads with Aliens ( . . . like Apocalypto, but with space aliens!!!!! LOL!!! ;) ). You remove the human element, the emoting, relatable part of the film, and it’s only going to appeal to a very small niche crowd. In other words, it will tank exactly like this one will/is.

    Vern is on the mark (great review, BTW). It’s not that no one wants to see the humans, it’s that we want to see humans who matter, who are memorable. Great Characters!! Please!!

    Since the producers seem loathe to use the really quite good AvP comics story, here’s my kick-ass AvP movie. If you’re an up-and-coming screenwriter, go ahead and run with it. I make no claims.

    The military corporate blowhards from the Alien movies finally have what they’ve always wanted – a weaponized Alien, the very thing Ripley died to keep them from getting. These aliens came from a decimated terraforming colony that had been seeded with facehugger eggs as a coming-of-age/right-of-passage for a second species of Predatory Alien. The predators had routinely hunted mankind down through the years, so there is a good deal of ill-will set up. There is even some belief that the original Alien infestation on LV-426 was from a failed seeding mission for these Predators. So as payback and as a test, the mil/corp brass try to seed a colony of predators (or a remote area of the predator homeworld) with the human-weaponized aliens. A Space Marine recon team is sent down to evaluate the results. Hijinks ensue. This way we actually use continuity from the movies, we develop some human foils, both heroes and villains, we get the possibility of Predator-Alien hybrids, we potentially get some space combat between humans and predators, and it lays out the groundwork for a whole epic future war.

    My two cents. Feedback?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:29 a.m. CST

    Is this really how Americans live?

    by Spandau Belly

    I keep seeing these movies set in American high schools where some dorky guy is in unrequited love with some supermodel looking lady who is a “good person” but dates a violent asshole. The whole high school community tolerates the bully guy openly beating people up even though he has no redeeming characteristics (well, sometimes they make him an athlete) and they usually make the dorky guy actually pretty funny and likeable. In my high school there were dorky kids and cooler kids, but we all just kinda left each other alone and if there was a fight it was usually between people who were intensely involved somehow. Not just “you read comics, I play football, I must punch you.” And the dorks were an actual community. There wasn’t just one or two guys like in these movies.

    And there’s always this big class divide. I figured the rich kids would go to posh school, but popular cinema seems to show that there are some rich families who send their violent bastard kids to regular poorfolk school so that they can rub their wealth in the other kids’ faces by driving Ferraris and having goofy huge house parties in their mansions of glory where people do that type of dancing where they just jump up and down with big grins on their faces. I’ve been to raves, and people behave like that there, but I can’t imagine bouncing around like that in a well-lit living room with a few other people I know and music that is coming from just a stereo. All the house parties I went to were just clusters of people talking and maybe some small group activities like video games or hacky sack.

    Maybe some of you yanks can tell me if movies like this are an accurate portrayal of your life, but I find that hard to believe.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:31 a.m. CST

    vadakinX

    by Series7

    The whole all sequel idea with no humans would not work, because Predators are by far the superior race. I haven’t read the comics so it could be different. But Aliens are just like big game hunting for Predators. Also I just realized I didn’t agree with one thing Vern said about trying to throw in some laughs like Transformers did, do not agree I thought about if the Rescue Me guy, who is pretty funny, did some jokes and it would have made the movie come off a lot worse, like it did to Transformers. Any scene I would cut from Transformers would be any scene with Jon Voigt/Tutrro and Anderson because they just seem to not take the idea seriously at all therefore making me not take it seriously. The biggest problem with AVPR was that they decided to take the POV of the wrong characters. This should have been told from the POV of the sheriff, the Resue Me guy and Predator. Those two human characters had potential for a story. Also SPOLIER, if it matters, it should have just ended with the helio crashing I thought it did and stood up. But who was that girl at the very end? Was she the girl from the first one, or is she a female Predator?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:50 a.m. CST

    I also cracked up when

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    the chick came into the building after the blackout and says “The powers’ out” Brilliant!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:51 a.m. CST

    Spandau Belly

    by Series7

    Well I don’t know if I speak for all yanks. I did live in Chorleywood (i lived right across the M-5? from the house where they filmed parts of 4 wedding and a funeral) for three years during my middle school days, where I was almost expelled for having a bully pack. But those sterotypical, while played up for dramatic reasons are not that far from the truth. Every high school I went to had a hot chick dating and asshole, sometimes I was the plucky geek who was funny (but I never got in a fight, was threatened once). I was usually one of the richer kids in high school and I had both type of parties, people going nuts and people just chilling, but the nuts part was never that bad because I did have a nice house. But I did go to parties where it was just nuts (but that was when I lived in Italy). I guess I really am not the person to say one way or another because I just realized I never attended high school in america (military brat). But I never lived on a military base. But those aspect of high school still held sway in my DODDS schools. Plus the whole picking on nerds for nerds sake, well I did that when I was in England with my British Friends? And saw it happen all through high school, though I kind of was a nerd/geek but I bullied people. On final analysis, I probably shouldn’t be the one telling you about the birds and the bees of American High School Social Life. I just wanted to waste more time rather then work. Man, kind of glad I never got into posting during college other wise I would have studied a lot less. But during work hours its ok, someone else can always cook the fries, right?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:52 a.m. CST

    I’m waiting for the Rifftrack.

    by 3 Bag Enema

    I’m pretty sure that’s the only way I could get through this without succumbing to stabby stabby thoughts.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:55 a.m. CST

    I actually thought a couple of the homage shots

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    were cool, the Pred-alien behind the curtain(reminicent of Alien3) was probably my fave, but what the fuck was with that fucking kid and her military mother? I mean that was so fucking nuts that it defies comprehension and if these two brothers were true fans, surely one would have looked at the other and said “NAAAAHHH thats just stupid”.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:06 a.m. CST

    Spandau Belly, good question

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    Spandau, there’s definately a clique mentality in our high schools, but I truly think (10 years after being in HS) that a lot of the “conflcts” between them were generated mostly by the apparent expectation of there needing to be a conflict and a teenager’s need for drama to create a sense of purpose and identity. In fact, I still believe “The Breakfast Club,” is one of the best portrayals of how our high school culture really functions.

    Generally, though, stereotypes created in film are truly a cartoon of how it’s really like, but I think it’s mostly due to lazy screenwriters or executives who haven’t been in touch with youth culture in decades. I mean, honestly, who in their right mind thinks Shia’s character in Transformers would be a loser in high school?

    But I digress, take it with a grain of salt and realize that this is just an easy way for a shitty writer to create exposition, a macguffin, or to just sew together some loopholes in a poorly crafted plot.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:14 a.m. CST

    Well written wreview.

    by Diagnostic

    I enjoyed it.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:23 a.m. CST

    national geographic style reboot in 5 years

    by zom-bot.com

    taking and combining what me and others said in the other AVPR talkback, this thing needs a reeboot in 5 years that is shot like a nature or tribal documentary. When i watch one, i don’t immediately understand the actions of the natives, but over the course, you understand and respect the way of life. i can see that angle for a predator exposition. combine that with the more animal side of those docs and throw in the ALIEN element. if actually written well and grounded in animal behavior and science- it could be very good. no words spoken. the audience would have to figure out what was going on without a stupid human character explaining it away with broad statements like ‘omg she’s laying eggs’ or ‘they seem to hunt for sport- and we’re the deer’ bullshit.
    in this way, they could salvage that mystique about both races that were in the best of the films. and enough of this need to keep adding on to what ALIENS or their hybrids do to breed. there was a clean perfect set of rules that was 50% of the reason people liked the ALIENS. QUIT FUCKING WITH IT. you can use those rules in different situations and get the same effect you are TRYING to get by constantly bending them.
    here is a quick premise:
    movie starts on a completely alien planet. plants and animal life similar to ours but alien enough to be interesting. maybe even some humanoid nomadic early lifeforms tending creatures. predator egg ship lands, plants eggs, local wildlife becomes infected, process begins. predators come down and hunt. there are unexpected complications.we see inter-predator relationships and honorcodes. we see alien hive structure and hierarcy science. we may even see a native humanoid do remarkably brave or self-sacrificial things that earn predator recognition. predators ‘win’ over aliens and leave, local humanoid survior goes back to his people telling wild tales, we see some egss that have gotten lost or forgotten in the terrain. there is uneasy peace.
    THEN WE SEE WEYLAND YUTANI MILITARY TERAFORMER SHIPS ENTER ATMOSPHERE- marines land and decimate humanoid village- or better yet- the site is given some bio-nuke from air to clear the way for colonization.
    it would carry all the elements that make the other series good: predators cruel but noble- aliens scary and unpredictable and humans suck.
    it would be a great twilight zone ending. the encounters with the predators, though harrowing, would have sculpted the potential local civilization, but an enounter with humans would stop that before it even started.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Series7 and Theodore Donald Kerabatsos

    by Spandau Belly

    Thanks for your answers. I’m willing to accept that everything in movies is a bit exagerated or simplified, but these movies about youth culture always seem ridiculously overblown.

    Your answers show that your experience was much like mine, more balanced than these movies. People just had different social groups. I actually thought those America Pie pictures were pretty representative of high school life as I knew it. The dorky guys like Pie-Shagger and Finch weren’t insanely dorky, and cooler people still talked to them. I know I did. I wasn’t at the centre of their nerd clique, but I had nerdy friends who I hung out with. Sometimes they’d start talking about X-Men or Star Trek or something I don’t understand, but I didn’t punch them for doing so.

    And there was a Stifler guy in my school who was an asshole, but people weren’t affraid to make fun of him to his face just like in that movie. And also there were several attractive girls, not just one supermodel and nobody else. And the prettier girls in my school actually mostly dated nice guys, not these sadistic rich athlete maniacs like Transformers type movies.

    So thanks guys.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:31 a.m. CST

    the underlying theme to all A & P movies

    by zom-bot.com

    -has always seemed to be:

    individuals are strong, but humans, as a whole, and especially as a collective ‘hive’ or ‘corporation’ are more cruel or cold than either other alien species. the monoglobo conglomorate that weyland yutait becomes, and their computer ‘mother’ are the real invisible monsters, willing to kill individuals just to get alien samples and tech. in fact, the best part of Alien resurrection was the aliens in captivity- where two sacrifice one weaker alien to escape. and that was interesting because it was a very cold and human action for the aliens to show.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:31 a.m. CST

    VERN, IT’S OBVIOUS SALERNO WROTE AVP-R WHILE WATCHING TRANSFORME

    by BringingSexyBack

    Take a potentially epic conflict (good vs. bad robots / aliens war on Earth) and anchor it to the most mediocre characters imaginable. How could anyone possibly think this wouldn’t suck? And Vern, good point about Cameron’s Aliens. If you listen to his commentary on that DVD, you’ll see that he had a built an original story about a cast of diverse characters which he subsequently adapted to the Alien franchise. That’s why it succeeded – he placed emphasis on the characterization.

    That’s why Independence Day is still somewhat enjoyable – it involved a number of storylines, from a single alcoholic father to the President leading troops into battle. Compare that with the shit that is AVP-R and Transformers. No comparison.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:36 a.m. CST

    I Was So Up For This……

    by The Funk

    then I read a few reviews & the heard the word of mouth.

    I’d rather watch “Aliens” & then “Predator” on DVD, thank you very much.

    Also, are Fox on a mission to murder their franchises?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:40 a.m. CST

    ALIENS VS PREDATOR VS THE HULK VS MY COCK

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    My cock survives, beats all others and goes onto a sequel in which it fights K-Bell, Jessica Alba and Devon Aoki! Yay!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:43 a.m. CST

    MY COCK VS K-BELL VS J. ALBA VS D.AOKI

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Set in a mud pit.
    My cock doesn’t win this one but puts up a good fight. Devon Aoki didn’t know what hit her. In the eye.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Yeah Fox has jumped the shark with this

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I mean the Alien is probably the most iconic monster created for film in the last fifty years, way to fuck it up guys.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:48 a.m. CST

    IAmMrMonkey!

    by Spandau Belly

    I’ll see your movie, I think you should get Niel Cumpston as producer. And yeah, Devon Aoki is ugly hot.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:48 a.m. CST

    “Unless [Shane Salerno] comes into the talkback …”

    by CloudCleaver

    Looks like Vern is using his summoning powers to try and get jg9817 in here.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:51 a.m. CST

    yeah

    by Judge Briggs

    it was fun for me… i liked it

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Does anyone else really dig ALIEN 3?

    by deathbird

    I watched the Assembly Cut recently, and damn if that wasn’t an effective series wrap-up. Loved Ripley’s arc. Loved the religious subtext. Loved the Weaver, Dance, and Dutton performances (every bit as good as Ian Holm’s). As nutty as this sounds, I actually prefer the AC to either version of Cameron’s film, if only because it cuts deeper.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:58 a.m. CST

    Why the hell IS it set in our present day?

    by gruntybear

    I mean, what the fuck? As soon as I realized this was AvP in a friggin’ trailer park, my interest went into negative digits. Do these sequel folk not recall that the Aliens films were set many hundreds of years in the future? Seriously WHAT THE FUCK?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:58 a.m. CST

    Spandau Belly

    by Series7

    yeah didn’t think about American Pie. That movie is a decent interpertation of high school life. Mainly with the embarrassing stuff, because that embarrassing shit happens everyday. It does a better job then the breakfast club. But the breakfast club incorporated more aspects of high school life, like the weird loner (who would be a goth kid now). American Pie didn’t deal with the kids that made themselves outcast.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Setting it in “high school” signalled CRAP.

    by kabong

    And no greenlight without the “high school” trope.

    Movie business has to be taken away from the Hollyweird pedophiles.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:05 a.m. CST

    What I don’t understand…

    by Dotren

    Is why Hollywood can’t EVER use the concept/story from the actual video games these types of movies are based off of (I’m not just talking about AvP here).

    I mean, there must be some sort of assumption that video games have no story and that they only sell because we like hitting buttons to make pixels move on the screen.

    In reality, I’ve played a lot of games that had better stories and scripts than a LOT of movies out there. A lot of those games sell well because they have great stories to begin with.. if Hollywood weren’t so damn determined to screw with those storylines then maybe we’d see a good adaptation for a change.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:06 a.m. CST

    Spandau Belly

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Devon Aoki is not “ugly” hot. :( She is one of the seven wonders of the world and proof that God exists. If she has been alive many years ago, Japan and America would have realised they could co-exist peacefully and Pearl Harbour would never have happened.
    She could go ninja on my ass any time she wanted.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:09 a.m. CST

    dutch75

    by DocPazuzu

    Please check the last AvP:Rectum talkback for a short checklist of don’ts for plants. You will find that one of them is:

    Never start a post with “c’mon guys” or “no srsly dudes”.

    Also, never say:

    “Just be grateful they’re even making a movie with aliens and predators in it”.

    As long as you shameless, subhuman PR cyborgs keep shambling into AICN talkback at the behest of your soulless, blood-sucking, ghoulish whoremasters at Fox, we’ll be sentrybotting your chlorophyllic asses to a fine green mist.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:10 a.m. CST

    they need to make an adult sequel to breakfast club

    by zom-bot.com

    -using all the same people. it would be so eay. and it would be made for the 30+ generation that grew up with the original. somehow- maybe for a highschool reunion- or maybe all stuck at a snowed in airport? the same people get forced together some 25 years later. all the actors are still alive and in proper form.

    Judd nelson- his character has mellowed out, even yuppified. he’s doing well but still not happy. he and ringwald’s character dated for a while but she went to college and he went to like tech engineering school or something.when they meet again, ther’es some resentment, but also regret and rekindling.

    ringwald- her character fell right into standard 90’s motherhood. had kids. is unhappily married. is missing the rebel in her life judd used to be.

    anthony micheal hall: well, obviously his character toughened up. it’s sort of a mystery what he has become.everyone will sort of think he’s a criminal, but he’s probably a cop or something.

    ally sheedy: her character probably stayed the most true. became an artist or writer or filmmaker. maybe went lez after splitting with estevez. still not happy in life.

    emilio. probably the saddest of all, became his father. out of shape, mad at the world and his own lack of accomplishments.

    i’d love to see the gang forced together again, bitching about adult life this time, and learning to deal with it.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Agreed Dotren

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    The storyline for Knights Of The Old Republic is up there with The Usual Suspects and Momento in my eyes. And it’s better than all the SW prequels too.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:11 a.m. CST

    oh yeah this is an AVP forum

    by zom-bot.com

    – but someone got me brainstorming with the breakfast club. apologies!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:12 a.m. CST

    American High School Culture

    by AllNtheReflexes

    Spandau Belly and folks… I grew up attending public schools, and while the cliques definitely existed, they weren’t as dumbed-down and simplified as shown in most films. There were plenty of jock assholes and rednecks who ridiculed everyone that was slightly different from them, but they were a minority and we could mostly ignore them (for instance, I have never seen anyone give a “wedgie” out of cruelty, as is so often shown in movies). There were the hot shallow girls who only dated jocks, but they were usually really bitchy and annoying and no one liked them anyway. There was never a case of a nice, intelligent girl with a jock asshole boyfriend – she would be dating a semi-geek soccer player or a guy in a band. I think that’s the thing that most movies miss about high school (the most recent thing to get this right is Heroes, I think): the jocks and cheerleaders are a vast minority. The geeks ruled my high school, and if you define popular as being liked by the most people, rather than being in the most exclusive club, then we were the popular kids. Even though I was at a “football school” (think Friday Night Lights or Varsity Blues) and everyone in our small town supported the football team, the jocks weren’t really a big influence when it came to day-to-day life. Instead, there were all of the geek fringe groups – nerds (like geeks, but without social skills), grunge kids, goths, band geeks (I was in the drumline), soccer players (less mainstream support, but respected by football jocks), drama kids, etc. – that made up the main body of the student population, and all of these groups intermingled and remained friends for the most part.

    Of course, a lot of us still felt angsty, and shit upon, because that’s what high school kids do – create conflicts in their mind to deal with all of the hormones at war inside their own bodies. And I get the feeling that a lot of the screenwriters that write high-school themed movies are still coming to terms with those conflicts to some extent, they still feel like they have something to prove to all the jock kids, so that leftover animosity tends to make its way onto the paper. What they need to keep in mind is that more likely than not, whatever jock was an asshole to them in high school is now probably fat, drunk, and stocking shelves at the local Target.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:14 a.m. CST

    BSB

    by Zino

    I agree that Independence Day is a fun film but it is seriously dumbed-down, as people rightly pointed out when it was first released. The fact that you are now holding it up as an example of DECENT characterisation shows how far the standards of these types of movies have fallen in the last ten years.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:16 a.m. CST

    memorable characters in the old movies

    by zom-bot.com

    one of the biggest things that made the characters of alien (for instance) memeorable was their imperfection. and they were adults. and the scenes where they were sitting around eating dinner and chatting were 90% improvised. they behaved like people, and we all knew thier names.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:19 a.m. CST

    zom-bot.com, Breakfast Club: Requiem

    by Spandau Belly

    I think one of them should be getting stalked or blackmailed by that creepy janitor who reads their notes and stuff.

    And Judd Nelson should actually become an airborne ranger (or whatever it was he was singing).

    And they should all get eaten by a Predator and Anthony Michael Hall (now played by Bruce Willis) has to fight the Predator in the old high school.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:19 a.m. CST

    ALIENS VS PREDATOR VS PARIS HILTON

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Predator: “(Get away from her, you bitch!”)
    Paris Hilton: “Who are you calling a bitch?”
    Predator: “(You! You skank ho!)”
    Predator and Paris Hilton hit each other with their high heels before Predator skins Paris Hilton and audience cheers.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:23 a.m. CST

    AllNtheReflexes

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    You’ve just completely ruined my image of what American high-school life is like. Thanks a lot, buddy.
    And thanks to Hollywood for lying to me all this time.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Breakfast Club-Requiem:Dinner Club

    by zom-bot.com

    even better than a fucking reunion- which they wouldn’t go to anyway- or stuck at an airport- where other people are around- would be if they all returned for a funeral- (of whichever cast member won’t make the movie- probably Emilio)
    yeah so they all come back for emilio’s funeral, at which point they find out it was suicide, and begin to re-examine their own lives.

    and then weyland yutani nukes them from the air.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:27 a.m. CST

    perfect trailer

    by warm_turtle

    Ive had an idea for an avp film for years long before that bull shit first film came out. It ties in the other alien and predator films.And i know its so good someone will steal it and make it into a film so i won’t reveal all, ill just pitch you the trailer. Its raining heavy on a earth let many years in the future(excatley after alien resuraction) Ripley and every one find that earth is fucked to cut along story short predators go to earth and fuck it up as there home planets fucke anyway back to the trailer. Its raining heavey and army of marines and marching they all stand in line across from them coming over the ramble(image future in t2) in the distance hundreds of aliens the men begin to march towards them the aliens begin to move faster towards the men just as they are about the hit braveheart style predators inbetween the two become visable and swing the staff at humans/aliens. Title comes up. I know thats not very detailled but thats all ya get.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:27 a.m. CST

    i like alien 3

    by warm_turtle

    It has good characters and sespense.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:28 a.m. CST

    VERN – FOX IS TO BLAME – IT’S THAT SIMPLE

    by JaPra

    Since ALIENS, Fox has looked for visualists to conjure the look of ALIEN as opposed to handing the reigns to storytellers with style. With James Cameron they lucked out and found some one who could write a damn good story and compose an amazing image.

    Since then, from ALIENS, to ALIEN3, to ALIEN RESURRECTION, on to the AVP films, Fox has sought stylemakers, not substance makers. They don’t fucking care, and I’ve been writing this for more then 15 years. They want money, and if they can make it without investing too much, then they’re satisfied. I only hold the strause brothers marginally accountable for this film.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:29 a.m. CST

    BC-R = st. elmo’s fire

    by zom-bot.com

    yeah, that was sort of my joking point. only i think a second breakfast club would be better just because the actors are actually full adults now, not pretending to be.
    as tim gunn would say:make it work!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:31 a.m. CST

    MrMonkey

    by AllNtheReflexes

    Anytime, sir.

    Of course, I’m only speaking of my personal experience. I’ve met plenty of people who claim to have led the “typical” high school life, I just can’t really relate.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:33 a.m. CST

    freaks and geeks

    by zom-bot.com

    was probably closest to highschool loife, because even the jocks had problems. everybody was a geek in some way.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:36 a.m. CST

    Why the PredAlien?

    by PokitN

    I don’t understand. A Predator get his mouth humped by a face hugger in AVP1, but the alien that comes through its chest is a hybrid? Why? When a human gets gets a face hugger facial an alien pops out. Do they explain this at all?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:37 a.m. CST

    most accurate portrayal of high school life on film

    by AllNtheReflexes

    was probably Donnie Darko. Or, more specifically, middle school/junior high, which was much more mean-spirited than high school ever was. The animosity without reason, the uncertainty, that was pretty much my middle school. Oh, and time travel. That too.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    PokitN

    by AllNtheReflexes

    The alien embryo develops differently based on the host species. That’s why the alien in Alien 3 was different from others, because it incubated inside a dog (or cow, depending on which cut of the movie you watch). Not that I’m defending this new movie, which I will probably never watch.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    I like when 1/3rd of earth blows up at the end of alien4

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    God damn those were some shitty effects. I saw it on tv recently and I couldn’t believe how fucking terrible that movie was, in general, not just the effects. How do you make a movie that bad? And with a director who isn’t bad by any means. Maybe it’s because english isn’t his first language, or somebody in post production is to blame. I like to place all blame on Joss Whedon personally. I always get banned for bringing this movie up in any Herc talkback by the way, which is fucking bullshit.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:42 a.m. CST

    Thanks All

    by PokitN

    I didn’t know that.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Headache Guy

    by AllNtheReflexes

    I actually enjoyed Joss Whedon’s script for Alien 4 (which was NOT the movie that got made… only a few scenes remained in the final version, such as the underwater/ladder chase scene, which I like). The Ripley/Alien “love” scene was a mandate from Fox, before the script was written, as was the hybrid alien from the end of the movie. The crew of the Betty was very similar in its archetypes to the crew of Serenity, so it was really interesting to read the script having already watched Firefly, and getting to see where some of his ideas for the show may have been born.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Series 7

    by Vern

    I wasn’t trying to say that AVPdashR should be jokey like TRANSFORMERS, actually I meant that as a compliment that it was trying to take it seriously.

    As for a movie about just aliens and predators not working – well, it would work better than this. Somebody asked how you would advertise that. The answer is the same way they advertised this: by showing aliens and predators.

    But personally I would rather see an all alien ALIEN movie. I used to think that would be cool to see a movie just about aliens and those “space jockey” guys. It would be creepy and ambiguous and it would be kind of an art movie, but that’s what the ALIEN movies used to be.

    Then at one point Ridley Scott said he wanted to do that, a movie about the space jockeys, and I believe that’s the same one James Cameron was gonna write. And they went with AVP instead! Thanks alot, assholes.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:52 a.m. CST

    AllNtheReflexes

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    I was mostly just somewhat kidding about Whedon screwing it up anyway, no matter how badly or well written the script was, the actual movie is just weird as hell. It’s like a precursor to all the weird dtv movies we have now. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in that board meeting though, were some Fox Suit starts talking about how they need to get that Ripley/Alien sex in there, to appease their target markets or whatever.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:52 a.m. CST

    AllNtheReflexes

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    I was mostly just somewhat kidding about Whedon screwing it up anyway, no matter how badly or well written the script was, the actual movie is just weird as hell. It’s like a precursor to all the weird dtv movies we have now. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in that board meeting though, were some Fox Suit starts talking about how they need to get that Ripley/Alien sex in there, to appease their target markets or whatever.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:56 a.m. CST

    Call a turd a turd

    by aboriginal

    These no longer are put together by anyone with true artistic talent or vision. Try to compare these dolts to a Scott or Cameron and you get jack and shit, and jack just left town.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Guy

    by AllNtheReflexes

    Oh, I figured you were joking about Joss Whedon, I just thought I’d throw my two cents in since your comment reminded me of his script. Alien 4 (the finished film) I think is okay for the first half, except for the weirdness of all of the characters which keeps us from really identifying with anyone. I have this same problem with Alien 3, where the only marginally fleshed-out character is the doctor that gets killed out of the blue as soon as we learn anything about him. The second half of Alien 4 (everything after the ladder sequence) destroys the movie though.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:03 a.m. CST

    AVP NEEDS VIN DIESEL!

    by Johnny Kronic

    Nobody plays an onscreen badass better than Riddick! The final chapter should be AVPVR! You keep what you kill!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:06 a.m. CST

    like vern said- wordless art movie

    by zom-bot.com

    just like i said about a nature doc…..it would tank with the idjit market, but those whe sat through it would love it. fan-boys would love it. critics would love it. unfortunately those three loves don’t make fox money. in the long run, shit movies don’t either though. so they sacrifice quality for the short term dollar.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Terrible movie

    by Cobbio

    I agree, Vern. This film was even worse than “AVP 1,” which is an accomplishment of retarded, braindead proportions. The Brothers Strauss shat the bed in ways I’m only beginning to understand. I can’t believe “AVP:R” was ever made.

    Like a fucking idiot, I went to see it on Christmas. The first half hour of it seemed all right. But by the bone-crushingly retarded ending, I realized I’d watched a turd of scarily huge proportions and felt raped by the Strausses.

    Seriously, I almost threw up from the incompetence parading as onscreen fun. I can’t BELIEVE this film got made. Both franchises, once so iconic, badass, and frightening, have been reduced to steaming piles of shit.

    Thanks Shane Salerno and the Strauss Brothers. I’ll NEVER watch another movie that any of you are associated with. You suck, plain and simple. You make me fucking gag. Fuck off and die.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:10 a.m. CST

    Ripley Alien love scene in Alien 4

    by Spandau Belly

    Was actually a demand from Sigourney Weaver not Fox or Whedon. After Alien 2 she made a list of things she required in order to sign on for another sequel. She demanded to die (Alien 3), she demanded an Alien film without guns (Alien 3 again), and she demanded snuggle time with an alien (Alien 4) and wouldn’t sign on unless they’d grant her wish.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Damn You Aliens Versus Predator – Requiem.

    by DamnMichaelBay

    I was already planning on avoiding this one, there hasn’t been a good Alien movie since Alien3 (The original cut is actually a damn good movie, if you can get ahold of it), and AvP just made the Predator look like a pussy.

    . . . Damn Michael Bay!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:18 a.m. CST

    IASIP

    by hoserboy

    “getting bored over here…”

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Spandau Belly

    by AllNtheReflexes

    You’re right. Forgot that. It’s still silly.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:33 a.m. CST

    sorry, Whedon blew too

    by Gidney

    The whole cloning business is just goofy justification to get Ripley in the story; it’s a personal insult to the audience “you’re too stupid to realize that we’re predicating everything that happens next on a COMPLETELY unsustainable premise” Let’s face it. Alien and Aliens are canon: face huggers, chest bursters, soldiers and queens. None of this taking DNA from the doggie host crap and certainly no Ripley/Alien booty call and no Predaliens. Aliens are only scary if you don’t know what’s going on (Alien) or if there’s a fucking lot of them (Aliens). Only conceivable mix of the two franchises: Weyland gets its wish and captures and breeds aliens. We’re fucking sick of predators coming down here, killing us humans and setting off nukes when they get caught. So Earth govm’t buys a shipload o’ alien eggs from Weyland, tracks the leaky exhaust of a predator pickup truck back to the homeworld and lands a shipload o’ payback down on predator mainstreet. This is all setup; happens in 10 minutes and the rest is alien vs. predator carnage with NO human dialog. Not so much fun when you have to think about nuking your OWN planet is it you crab-faced fucks? If we really must have a sequel, it comes in the wake of the Predator homeworld war where humans clear and colonize what’s left (stray pockets of each species).

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:33 a.m. CST

    Great review Vern

    by TheIronGiant

    Lots of great laughs and I agree with just about everything you said.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:35 a.m. CST

    “No Country For Old Men” is a political message not worth seeing

    by smackfu

    cause we all know compressed air is the cause of all evil, right? I go to the movies to be entertained, not to be lectured. We all know that stolen drug money is “evil” and that it corrupts men who want lots of $$$, but give me a fucking break. This is nothing more than a liberal fag-rally meant to brainwash the sheep against compressed air guns and drug money. It’s so heavy handed and obvious, every time they show compressed air being used, it’s either to kill someone or destroy a doorlock. But have you noticed, not once do they show compressed air being used to inflate a tire? Or a recreational floatation device? Come on people, think for yourselves, and don’t be brainwashed by the liberal anti-compressed air lobby.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:42 a.m. CST

    something that would be funny

    by smackfu

    would be an Aliens vs Predator movie that completely flips the perceptions of the previous films. Like if we came to realize that ‘the company’ has been trying to secure these Aliens not for evil purposes, but for the survival of humanity, to use as the only viable weapon against the Predator planet as mentioned in an above post. Burke was really the hero of ALiens, and Ripley was nearly dooming us all by thwarting the company’s efforts to save humanity from space rednecks.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:43 a.m. CST

    What a waste

    by professor murder

    I have friends who say they’re going to this tonight and I keep telling them I haven’t seen ONE good review. Usually movies can get mixed reviews and when I go and see them, I’ll still end up being satisfied for the most part because I love movies in general.

    But AvP:R has been getting reamed in the backside big time. I’m telling my friends it’s going to be retarded and that I’m going to have to save my money and time from this one. Heck, Friday night, hmmm…$10 on a terrible movie or $10 on a bunch of PBR, play some shooters with some friends before hitting the bar and listen to some of them complain about how they just saw an ass of a movie?

    Maybe they could revive this series by throwing in a AvPvJB (JB being Jason Bourne) HA!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:43 a.m. CST

    Alien 3 should have been the end

    by performingmonkey

    The longer, better cut of Alien 3 is a great film. At least it was an actual credible sequel, unlike the unadulterated bullshit of Resurrection (Whedon’s worst moment)

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Vern says the R’s were taken

    by professor murder

    Gotta admit, AvP:Ratatouille brings a wierd story to mind.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Time to get controversial

    by Vern

    I actually like ALIEN RESURRECTION. Not anywhere near like I like ALIEN and ALIENS, but I think it’s a clever movie and I prefer it over part 3. And part of the reason is exactly what you guys are talking about, the fact that Jeunet tried weird things like Ripley’s alien love, the hybrid baby (although it could look better) and ending the movie with us looking into the human-like eyes of an alien as it suffers the most painful death possible. ALIEN movies used to be about hiring a promising up and coming director and letting them put their own stamp on it. Hard to believe it’s connected to the ones they’re churning out.
    Not everything works in RESURRECTION but it’s got a good sense of adventure (the underwater ambush) the fucked up (Ripley burning her clones) and humor (“Huh, I don’t get it. Must be a chick thing.”)

    I think this is important to mention though because I can appreciate ALIEN RESURRECTION and most of you hate it, so it shows I am not holding anything with an alien in it to higher standards than a normal person. Somebody up there said I was looking for GONE WITH THE WIND. Motherfucker I just said I was just hoping for PREDATOR 2. (although to be fair I do watch PREDATOR 2 more than I watch GONE WITH THE WIND, which is never)

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Horrible

    by landrvr1

    AvP:R now ranks as #1 in my ‘Worst Movies of All Time’ list. Saw it yesterday. Horrid beyond belief. A couple of fanboys with Alien and Predator models, lighter fluid & matches, and a mobile phone camera could have done better. Seriously. AvP is a cinematic masterpiece compared to the steaming pile of shit that is this debacle.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Someone mentioned Planet Terror

    by I Dunno

    Planet Terror had much more engaging characters and it wasn’t even trying.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:14 a.m. CST

    Vern!

    by Zerofun

    Nailed it buddy.

    with my standards lowered so much thanks to the first AVP .. i rather enjoyed this one .. even with the lame ass 90210 crap.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:14 a.m. CST

    You know what’s really depressing?

    by Racer Z

    Ridley Scott took what was considered a B-movie concept and elevated it to the legendary status of cinematic masterpiece. What’s being crapped out now is bringing it all crashing back down again. Something that even Ed Wood would be embarrassed to call his own.

    Great work guys!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:15 a.m. CST

    will this flop though?

    by bobbo32

    isn’t it true that the first AVP made more many than any of the films in either franchise? as depressing as that may be, as long as the young kids that have no connection to any of the previous films keep giving these a strong opening weekend, Fox will keep churning them out.

    Has anyone ever read the original Peter Briggs AVP screenplay from the early 90s? Why couldn’t they just have made that? fuck!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Gotta Disagree, Vern

    by mrdinky

    it’s very much a PREDATOR movie, and the “characterization” in PREDATOR (nevermind PREDATOR 2) was not any better. In fact, your examples from PREDATOR have nothing to do with characterization. They’re iconic, campy L80s images. And sure, AvP-R doesn’t have that. No argument there. But that ain’t characterization. That’s putting a more expensive “actor” in the same characterless fatigues as all the wonderful TV actors AvP-R used.

    I also think you seriously overstate the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET comparison. Yes, AvP-R plays like a slasher movie (when you’re not actually following the Predator), but it’s a hell of a lot more competent than a NoES sequal. C’mmon, man. That’s just cold.

    I prefer to keep the aliens in the dark. That’s were they belong. Seeing everything (A4) leads to pumpkin head alien hybrids. The less I saw of the predalien, the better. The less I saw of the aliens, the better (for different reasons, obviously – although your basic complaint that we already know about them is certainly valid). For the record, you don’t see them in ALIENS either. Cameron kept their action sequences off camera, in the dark, and with quick cuts. I’m not saying AvP-R is as good at it as ALIENS, but I don’t think you can blame them for the technique.

    but fuck all that shit. Here’s why I liked AvP-R: it wasn’t AvP. Oh, sure, it was brutal and merciless, and that was great and needed to be done, but check this: the narrative itself is the key. do you remember in AvP where they “learned” about the predator society? or how the girl made fast friends with the pred? I’m not talking about the ridiculous plot (AvPyramids!). I mean the idea that people speak for the predators and aliens because they can’t actually speak but you can’t have the stars of a movie not “speak.” so everything alien and predator gets filtered through (and explained by!) the human “stars” in the movie. WTF? Of all the terrible decisions that went into AvP, that made it the least watchable. Here, you glean what you glean from the preds and aliens by seeing it happen. There’s no tedious “learning narrative” from the meat (humans) or (as long as TRANSFORMERS was mentioned) Optimus Prime in order to patch the holes in the narrative.

    Hey, it’s no great movie. It is what it is, but it’s competent, properly brutal, and humans played their part (I don’t think it focused too much – or at all – on humans; in fact, I thought it moved pretty quickly through the townspeople stuff). none of this fixes the complaints inherent for a movie that’s a sequal to AvPyramids (predalien, predalien instead of queen, aliens on earth, aliens on earth in 2004(!), etc.). And that blue acid…was that a bottomless vial or what? There’s plenty of “didn’t they think this through at all?” moments. the “climatic” fight wasn’t very climactic (predictable, not incompetent but underwhelming).

    I said before that AvP-R kicks the shit out of A4 and AvP. Now that doesn’t make it even a good movie, I realize. And here’s something that won’t make it a good movie either: PREDATOR 2 was ridiculous, superfluous camp, and AvP-R is at least as good as PREDATOR 2. Different strengths and weaknesses. Yeah. Sure. I think you need to go back and watch how crap (camp) PREDATOR 2 actually was. I have a feeling the love it’s getting is nostalgia talking.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:20 a.m. CST

    I’ll get controversial with you Vern

    by Spandau Belly

    I actually prefer the theatrical cut of Alien 3 over that assembly cut on the DVD. I find the assembly cut falls into the typical director’s cut pitfall of the 1:3 ratio of awesome scenes you can’t believe they ever cut to scenes that add very little, throw off the pacing, and add too many tangents.

    I have this theory that the assembly cut is like a takeback or an “undo” for people who were unfair to Alien 3 when it came out. They don’t have to admit that they were impossible to please and ready to hate, they can just say that they would’ve liked the movie if they’d kept the Alien jumping out of an ox instead of a rottweiler or some other insignificant detail. It allows people to revise their opinions on Alien 3.

    I always feel bad siding with the studio. I have this natural tendancy to think that the director knows best and that the studio just want to make slick garbage. There are plenty of director’s cuts which I feel are inferior to the theatrical cuts, but it’s always tough for me to admit.

    However, as for Alien 4, I’m kinda with Vern in terms of admiring the wonky stuff they came up with, but they just didn’t work the wacky artsy moments into a meaningful enough story for me. I actually wrote an essay on my website about Alien 4 where I call it “groundbreakingly short-sighted” because they bring Ripley back from the dead for only one movie. Alien 4 could’ve been the launch point for a second (albiet cheesier) trilogy, but they blew it. So bringing her back from the dead sorta felt like more trouble than it was worth. I mean, that’s a hard pill to swallow. Especially for those of us that liked Alien 3, but also for any movie fan. If you’re going to violate the finality of death, you better have a good reason for it. And one wacky film isn’t a good enough reason for me. But a second wackier trilogy could’ve been.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:21 a.m. CST

    ALIEN 4 underwater and ladder sequence…

    by travis-dane

    is just one example of how good the action and suspense has been working in the original ALIEN movies!Now to all the guys who think the AvP2 is OK please tell me just one scene in the movie that has some of that feeling to it!THERE IS NONE!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Imagine some kid watching the AvP movies

    by I Dunno

    Then watching Alien and falling asleep. “There’s only one alien and we hardly see him! This is worse than that Deep Blue Sea/Jaws double feature. The CGI in Jaws sucked.”

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:23 a.m. CST

    RE: Time to get controversial

    by Zerofun

    I enjoyed resurrection also. The film has a unique feel to it .. much like Alien3. Thats one thing i love about the alien franchise, every movie feels so different from the one before it. As for preadtor2 .. i watch that movie all the time .. its balls out from the beginning to the end, lots of predator gadgets, some memorable action (like the predator disk, the de-spining of bill paxton in the subway, the chopped off predator arm and its repiar in a old couples bathroom). the 80s gang stuff was lame, but not as bad as a couple of Jackie Chan movies i have seen. I think preadtor2 is one of the most re-watchable movies around. But it defiantly has its flaws.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Shane Salerno raped my childhood!

    by Bramton1

    Had to be said. I loved the Alien franchise to the point of seeing Alien Resurrection 3 times, and now it’s been reduced it to watching AvP only once in my life, and now thinking about AvP-R, “I’ll wait until it’s on DVD, or maybe I’ll bittorrent it.” Why?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:25 a.m. CST

    travis-dane

    by Zerofun

    I thought the hospital scene with the predalien and the pregnant chicks / babies was suspenseful.. parts of it anyway. maybe i was scared of what they where about to show.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:27 a.m. CST

    WHERE IS megpen aka SALERNO…

    by travis-dane

    come out and play with VERN!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:27 a.m. CST

    my heart is literally broken by the AvP franchise

    by BMacSmith

    I consider Predator and Aliens to be the two single greatest films ever made. And yes I do consider Predator every bit the equal to Aliens. Hearing about this sequel has put me in a depression for weeks. There was so much potential here. I can say with all sincerity that my childhood has been RAPED.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:27 a.m. CST

    my heart is literally broken by the AvP franchise

    by BMacSmith

    I consider Predator and Aliens to be the two single greatest films ever made. And yes I do consider Predator every bit the equal to Aliens. Hearing about this sequel has put me in a depression for weeks. There was so much potential here. I can say with all sincerity that my childhood has been RAPED.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Shoun

    by Shoun

    Resurrection is a good “what if” film, not one I include in the canon but one that takes you outside the accepted mythos of Alien and has a little fun in the process.

    As far as Predator 2 goes, with the exception of Bill Paxton it’s no campier than the first Predator, it just suffers from the unfortunate “near future” syndrome.

    While I haven’t seen AvP-R yet it sounds like the writer was trying to make the viewer care about the human characters, which is pretty damn stupid. It’s AvP, not AvPvH (humanity). You can’t have your cake and eat it too, not with a movie like this. If you want a thriller/drama give us one or two good characters, if you want a full-on action film give us fodder. It’s that easy.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Ratings on the franchises

    by professor murder

    The fans at imdb rated the movies in this order:

    Alien(8.5)

    Aliens(8.4)

    Predator(7.6)

    Alien3(6.4)

    Alien:Ressurection(6.0)

    Predator 2(5.7)

    AvP(5.4)

    and get ready for it…………..AvP:R a whopping 6.7??? Are you serious. Well, it DOES have barely any votes compared to the others being new. I’m sure it will downward spiral quickly after being out a while.

    Still, goes to show that the classics WERE the best and all this new shit keeps ruining them more and more.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:31 a.m. CST

    potential?

    by mrdinky

    dude, it’s a sequel to AvP. speak not of potential. pray for competence, and be thankful for something approaching that.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:31 a.m. CST

    alien 3 ruined the ending of Aliens

    by BMacSmith

    nothing like killing off the major characters of the previous sequel. A cheap horror staple. makes the whole struggle of the previous movie kinda pointless. also alien 3 was just a bunch of bald europeans running around in tunnels. At the end when the black guy was literally fighting off the gimped “dog” alien, I just threw up my hands and left the theatre. I’ll take RESURRECTION over 3 any day.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Zerofun,remember the clone chamber in ALIEN 4

    by travis-dane

    or the woman in ALIENS all wraped up in ALIEN slime begging to get killed!Now compare it to the “we can kill a pregnant women for the R-Rating sake”SHIT and come again!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Aliens on earth = …

    by Zerofun

    Lame .. for a prequel. Remember the end of Resurrection, it built everything up and getting back to earth for them was a big deal.. if they where going to do Aliens on earth then it should have been set after Resurrection. the AvP movies pull from the previous foundation set by the first 4 alien movies, when they should be adding to it.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Wow, Predator 3 is actually happened!

    by Lord_Soth

    But why do they call it AVP:R? Seriously, this is really a predator movie, but with aliens and without memorable human characters, that’s why out rasta hero’s trademark final fight is with a slimy motherf*cker instead of a muscle man. It has its flaws, not enough teens get killed, there’s no overall scope (where are the townies?) and other shit. But the predator’s actions are top notch and the look of the aliens is just what it needs to be (too bad, they are really 2nd grade cannon fodder). Worse than A1-2 and P1-2, better than A3-4 and AVP. Oh, and Alien:Resurrection is a nice film, if you see it as a parody of the saga. As a part of it, it’s unacceptable.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Why was PREDATOR the greatest movie ever made?

    by BMacSmith

    Let me count the ways. I love the plot: A badass alien comes to Earth and fights a team of badass special forces dudes. The End. No shitty love interest, no unfunny comic relief, just balls to the wall death and destruction. AND it knew not to drag around too long. Dutch, Billy, Jesse and the whole gang was just fucking great. Far and away Ahnold’s best role. Oh yeah, and that Predator guy was pretty badass too. I would even go so far as to say PREDATOR holds up better than ALIENS, since ALIENS had a larger scope so the special FX don’t always hold up. But both are incredible masterpieces of scifi horror. I weep for the children that didnt grow up with these two movies.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:39 a.m. CST

    AVPVBadWriting

    by Frodo T. Baggins

    Many of you all have had some very good points on plot structure. The studios are going the route of…hmm..giving more information and background to the charachters that didnt really need it. Like showing Michael Myers as a little kid for example. Even though I kinda liked that movie but hey Im only 24 so its new to me. But from reading the comics in my hay day I remember a face hugger face fucking a gorrilla. Thus, Gorrilla alien. Like super fast Dog Alien from Aliens 3. Well Anderson took advantage of this at the AVP 1. Most move goers wouldnt even or havent even known about What a face hugger face fucks is a little tittle of what the Alien will look like. Reading and reading and reading all the Strousse bullshit about “making it scary again”. Stealing sound bites from previous movies. Making it darker and wet like in the old days. Well. All that information that they figured out in one meeting at Fox is about as useless as a tampon in a pillow fight when you get down to it. I love the idea from someone/comics to have the Predlocks drop eggs on a planet and duke it out. Have to have humans? Ok fine. Maybe theres a training camp there with Marines? Maybe (AVP1) Marines use the whole easy route of Whats with all this thermal fuck fest on our satalites doing there? And yes as someone said. No under 30 year olds period. And please no more mix breeding between the Predlocks and the Longheads. This isnt Blade 2. If they are going to mixbreed make it simple. Make it almost not noticible to the untrained eye. Its cool Ill give you that. Id love the see a Gorrilla Alien tossing acid turds at Space Marines

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:43 a.m. CST

    travis-dane, i agree

    by Zerofun

    Its not the same.. but i was still like “o god wtf is going to happen.”

    the clones in A4 where just freaking sick .. but it had an impact on the story and my brain ( ill never forget the hary mutant arm pits…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:43 a.m. CST

    BobPalpatine

    by vadakinX

    Actually I don’t think I’m a great screen writer…and I actually have posted…not full treatments, that would take too long, but outlines on here in the past and other sites around the web and I got really positive feedback.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:44 a.m. CST

    BMacSmith is right and Lord_Soth is a parody!

    by travis-dane

    I need help guys here are people who like AvP2!Please help!Doc Pazuzu,Vern,zom-bot.com where are you?HELP!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Zerofun,Igive it to you,the arm pits were the shits!

    by travis-dane

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:57 a.m. CST

    avp2- watchable once

    by zom-bot.com

    there is no plus to seeing it on the big screen. wait for when the dvd is $10 when it first comes out at wal-mart in 4 months. from what i’ve seen of the commercials vs the actual movie, it’s alot clearer and brighter small screen. i plan on watching it again and listing all the homages to the other series, the smart ones and the blatantly bad ones. is it a step back from AVP? no. is it a step forward? a wee bit. is it too late to fix things? hard to say. i would say a third avp film of this caliber will kill it. so either make another alien, an AVP under a stylistic, paced directorship, or reboot completely.

    i said in another post, half of the charm and mystery about these creatures was that when we did get to see them, we got such delicious morsels of detail. in AVP, i liken it to hardcore porn vs. pin-ups. AVP’s throw it all in your face and it loses the magic that subtly has.
    then again, it’s completely dark when it’s all thrown in your face, so it’s even more frustrationg. like trying to decipher your porn through a scrambled channel.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:58 a.m. CST

    ‘subtlety’ oops

    by zom-bot.com

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:02 p.m. CST

    wearing out my predator tapes.

    by zom-bot.com

    i just remember rewatching the few detailed character shots of the predators in 1 and 2…savoring every little spot and bristle on the skin, the ragged netting, the tiny skull necklaces, the strange weapons, the face and crest pattern, the placement of the dreadlock decorations….all of that beautiful character design is tossed out the window in the AVP’s.

    i watched those scenes until my old vhs tapes warped. if i was a kid now, even with better dvd slow and scan technology, there’s nothing there to marvel at in AVP’s.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:04 p.m. CST

    THE DARKNESSvAliensvPredator…

    by travis-dane

    zom-bot.com you are right,the movie is really dark.In the final battle you see almost nothing,plus MICHAEL BAY editing!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Zom-Bot

    by Frodo T. Baggins

    You really like Predators huh? Is there that much a difference in the old costumes than the new? I know that in AVP1 they were much LARGER. But other than that? Examples please I be curious. Also I just remembered something. I was watching the Anderson blog for the 1st AVP and he was soooooo gitty about this cool new predator weapon. Showed the drawings of it. Showed the actual weapon smiling. He enjoyed it. Well that movie blew. & I just had gay ja vue watching the Brothers Strousse get gay on their new Bull Whip. Well if both movies suck. Then…dont hire young bunnies to direct? Cause all we want it Weapons and Fights! Need some talent here. Fuck off McG. Hope you got a full name for Xmas

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:08 p.m. CST

    AVP3 – This time it’s personal!

    by Yeti

    Trust me on this one. It’ll happen. And may the holy hairy (or whatever you choose to believe or not beileve in) have mercy on us all.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:09 p.m. CST

    AVP IS SIMPLY A WORTHLESS IDEA

    by kevred

    Let’s just cut to the chase: the whole premise, the very concept, is stupid and unnecessary. As comics, as movies, as anything–it’s just fanboy mashup drivel. Both of these series/worlds were fine on their own and are only diminished by combining.
    What makes the first couple Alien films and first Predator film work so well is that sense of isolation/claustrophobia–somewhere out on the fringes of human exploration, we come across something grand and terrible that dehumanizes us. It’s a singular experience that can only be watered down by all the sequelizing and mashing up. An utterly ruined by having an Alien bust through the window of a suburban house to kill some teenagers.

    Yeah, sure, it would be cool to see Kirk battling TIE fighters and Darth Vader taking on the Borg, but there’s a place for that, and it’s called fan fiction. AVP should never have existed in any form other than that.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:15 p.m. CST

    predator details pt 2

    by zom-bot.com

    i’ve made peace with the fact that all pred faces may not be the same. our’s aren’t. preds 1 & 2 were different, but geometrically close enough. there was a savage and noble structure. in AVP the faces looked downright mongoloid as a predator. The face in AVPR was an improvement, but not by much.
    it’s also been said that this predator was badass in someways and an idiot in others. he couldn’t fire his weapon accurately for shit. i just wanted him to make a distance shot on a running alien ONCE. also the alien under the catwalk and predator above is unforgivable. we heard the alien. we saw the alien. with pred “HUNTING” helmet tech, i’d sure hope he would too. simply stupid. all to set up pred’s leg getting hurt and show us another wound-stapling scene which we saw in P2 but better.

    that bathroom scene in P2 is GOLD, and long, by modern scene standards. even if that old lady heard the roar but not the crash through her wall. whatever, i can look past it.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:15 p.m. CST

    Vern and Spandau Belly

    by Series7

    I really liked Alien Resurrection just because it showcased Jeunet style and it fit well with each movie having its own style. But did either of you read the one script of the movie where there was a chase scene through a field of giant sunflowers with Aliens just popping up every where? It sounded like the T-Rex chase a little but I was so wishing it was going to be in the movie. I think if they had gotten that it would have been awesome. Also the ending to that script had more of a chase where the Alien got loose on Earth and they had to hunt it down. As far for an all Alien movie, I think an all Predator movie would be more likely. An all Alien movie would be like a National Geographic special about some Animal. As they proved in this movie, the Predator is the most interesting character of both series. I mean the ending to Predator 1 showing he has a sense of humor, awesome. Man I am going to go buy Predator 1 on my way home.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:18 p.m. CST

    FRODO

    by zom-bot.com

    what can i say, i’m detail oriented. i’m an illustrator and sculptor, so i really enjoy seeing good creature design and prop work. and the worst man-made prop effects still beat most ‘flawless’ CGI any day.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:19 p.m. CST

    AVP 3: Whoever Wins. We Reboot.

    by Frodo T. Baggins

    Well what we mean by wins is…Whats the publics favorite? Aliens or Predators? Hmm..Can we make it a draw again? No? Fuck. Ok then. Can we make one look like it wins but then in the end a Predator carries a Alien head walking out of water and the Alien head winks? No? FUCK MAN COME ON! Ok final question…If we actually assign a winner does that mean the loser cant have any more movies? No? Ok shit then lets do that. No? Ok well how about we let the Predators win AVP3 but then the Aliens win AVP4? Too technical? What?! Franchise wont last to AVP4? I quit. Im going back to write for Sci-Fi. Megga Croc 2, daddies going coming home!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Boldly going to the power of the Dark Side.

    by SonOfAGlitch

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:23 p.m. CST

    AVP Sucks balls,…Vern-you rock.

    by Sappers Forward

    Thank you! Exactly what I thought. They just don’t make ’em like the used to. Watching this movie is like getting tea-bagged by an old set of donkey balls, something I will never experience because I will never see this pile of shit movie. To all those that did watch this movie and who did like it…yea, you’re gay…because you enjoyed your donkey balls tea-bagging. Unless you’re a chick…that just makes you dirty. That’s not necessarily a bad thing…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:28 p.m. CST

    not worth all the hate and ball metaphors

    by zom-bot.com

    but, it is another unfortunate installment. more disappointing and sad than anger inducing, by this point.
    if you aren’t going to see it, and don’t care for the crossover idea to begin with- then why be so mad? just shows you like to be part of a team or something, how original.

    I wasn’t happy with AVPR, but it’s fun to try and critique without alluding to teabagging. i just don’t see the similarities

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:28 p.m. CST

    The Aliens Support Hillary!

    by Luscious.868

    Predators support Ron Paul bitch!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Slow Friday

    by Frodo T. Baggins

    I need a new thread to open cause Im out of Alien jokes. My funnies dont get read all the way at the bottom. Scar for President!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Thank you Vern

    by tommy6b

    I thank you cause it saves me 10bucks. And please don’t insult Chicagoans saying with the Strauss Bros.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:41 p.m. CST

    those wanting to know if the r rating makes a diff…

    by dr_john_zoidberg

    The R rating does help…slightly. There were a lot of guy moments to the tone of “Ohhhh, yeah!!!”. Like **SPOILER** when the two stoner guys who make a 3 minute cameo aim guns at the Predator, and get their heads blown off simultaneously by a double blast of Predator gun light. The violence in it worked, the movie as a whole, did not.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:52 p.m. CST

    mac shooting the mini gun and screaming for a ….

    by warm_turtle

    a whole minute. I challenge anyone to think of a cooler movie moment. Predator rules my face!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:53 p.m. CST

    I like Alien 4. Seriously.

    by DerLanghaarige

    Okay, I hated it too when I watched it first, but it grew on me. Unlike Alien 3 which is even in its long version a boring mess. It is like it is: Fincher ruined the series* and Jeunet had some fun whith playing with the leftovers.

    *Yes, I’ve seen the Making Of’s too and know that it wasn’t all Fincher’s fault, but some of the worst elements of Alien 3 where his idea.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Alien Vs Predator : Rhett Butler

    by Alonzo Mosely

    Vern got my mind working with the gone with the wind comment. Set the next film back in the civil war, instead of space age marines you get 1860s technology. You can throw in some touching moments where the Predator frees some slaves and kills the white owners, and the slaves run off to freedom, and by freedom I mean death by alien… Ahhh, this is fucking genius… “Frankly my dear, that is a fucking scary creature”…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 12:58 p.m. CST

    I saw ALIEN 4 on my teen years…

    by Gilkuliehe

    And I thoughht it rocked. It wasn’t till years later when I came to this site that I realized I was wrong and I was supposed to hate the damn thing. So thanks Vern for giving me a hand on that one bud, I feel better now, thanks. As for the review: top notch, as always. You the man.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:06 p.m. CST

    To Fincher’s Credit

    by Saluki

    He has said if he made Alien3 today, not a single shot would be the same. Clearly, he wasn’t pleased either.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:07 p.m. CST

    dr_john_zoidberg: Not Too Bad A Spoiler

    by Saluki

    They showed that, and nearly every other kill, in the red band trailer months ago.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Make another GRINDHOUSE but…

    by whenin_tokyo

    Make one a Predator movie and one an Alien movie. All dark and grimy, but get 2 directors worth a shit (like Q&R) and give them a VERY limited budget and the costumes from AVP-R or dig up the old ones. The movies need to be dirty and sticky I think. It would be a Sci-Fi double feature. I’d watch it.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:19 p.m. CST

    the reason this one is still on earth:

    by zom-bot.com

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:22 p.m. CST

    oops- reason AVP:R is still on earth:

    by zom-bot.com

    budget:
    no spaceships to build. no fancy costumes or helmets to invent. ask the teens to bring what they’d normallt wear. shoot it at the local school and producer’s house. close of a section of street in a small town while ski season is over. this movie probably cost $100 bucks. not to say the aliens and predators don’t look good, but that’s where the money went.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:29 p.m. CST

    the thing that bugged me about Alien 3…

    by AllNtheReflexes

    Is how the hell did alien eggs get on the Sulaco in the first place? At the end of Aliens, when the queen follows them off the planet and hitchhikes back to the ship, she left her big ol’ egg sack thingy behind. You trying to tell me she just stuck a couple of eggs in her pockets and planted them in inconspicuous places before skewering Bishop? Lazy writing.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:32 p.m. CST

    actually zom-bot

    by I87D

    it costs almost as much to build from scratch a supermarket set as it does a spaceship set. the bulk of the materials: wood, glass, paint, it’s all the same whether it’s past, present or future. now, all the exterior stuff shot on location in Vancouver? yeah, that’s where you can save money. but for this movie, all the interiors were built on the same sound stages that they would’ve used for the spaceships… i’m willing to bet this thing had a bigger budget than Serenity. Not to mention a bigger budget than 2-3 seasons worth of any recent star trek series.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:33 p.m. CST

    warrior drones carry eggs around for the queen

    by zom-bot.com

    not ALL the drones were dead. by order or instinct, i’m sure they put eggs everywhere they could as soon as a ship lands

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:34 p.m. CST

    ALIEN 3 still my favorite

    by caruso_stalker217

    And there’s nothing you awful fanboys can say that’ll change that. Though I understand all the reasons why it is hated. Anyway, RESURRECTION is a good sci-fi horror action comedy, but as an ALIEN picture it’s shit. On its own merits it succeeds, however, and it’s got mad re-watch value.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:35 p.m. CST

    zom-bot

    by AllNtheReflexes

    The ship never landed. The Sulaco stayed in orbit and the shuttle was piloted by remote to pick up Bishop, then Ripley. No drones were ever on the shuttle or the Sulaco.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Vern I have to agree you on characters

    by DocMHumphrey

    The interesting part of Alien was experiencing the fear and dread of the people involved. The Alien is scary. Will it eat your ass, drag you off to killed, or in Ridley Scott’s even more disturbing theory of the Alien’s sex drive? The humans are the element…we want to know more about the Alien, where it comes from, how did it get to LV-426, and what are the Pilot Space Jockeys and their purpose?

    In the Predator series, the humans again are removed from the top rung and our being hunted. The Predator culture is interesting and mysterious because of the contrasting human characters. We want to find out more. What’s in the Predator ship? What other planets and creatures do they hunt? The reveal of the Alien skull in “Predator 2” was exciting and terrifying.

    I consider main problems with AVP1 and AVP2 is as follows:

    1. Putting them on Earth vs. Civilians. Yes we would like to see the Aliens attack Earth, but in an overwhelming fashion (ala “Dawn of the Dead”) where going outside at anytime meant death. We would have to live in constant fear and change our existance.

    2. Time Period: The Aliens simply do not fit on Earth in the present time period. The future, not Utopian bullshit. History shows that just because technology progress, the human race respectfully does not. There will still be assholes, murder, and things will not be all white and sparkling. The original “Alien” taught us this. It was on board a dirty, leaking tow truck in space.

    3. This is the most important of all and a catalyst between ALIEN and PREDATORS:

    THE COLONIAL MARINE CORE

    Cool future US MARINES. COOL HUMAN WEAPONS THAT KICK ASS. PEOPLE WHO ARE TRAINED TO DEAL WITH THE SCARY AND ARE STILL SCARED.

    When the likes of Dutch, Hicks, Apone, and even badass LT. Ripley (who, is the underdog, who is already stronger and commanding than 80% of the population before the Alien attacks) are strong people, who die at the hands of the Aliens and Predators. It’s hard to suspend belief of common civilians, especially teenagers to defend themselves against other humans, let alone monsters from space.

    AVP started as a fabulous comic and video game series combining the best elements of the two franchises. The films are about scene stoppers. You can’t just string cool scenarios together and hope for the best.

    My best comparitive example is Disney films: Pirates of the Carribean vs. The Haunted Mansion.

    Both are based on theme park attractions. “Pirates” is interesting because of the characters. It avoided the cliches of the attraction and only added comparisons as flavor. “The Haunted Mansion” tried to include scene for scene the ride and string them together with a crappy plot.

    Bottom note: The idea for AVP is awesome, it just keeps getting placed into the wrong hands.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:37 p.m. CST

    it is still lazy writing

    by zom-bot.com

    since they leave it ambiguous for the comics or fans to assume in the blanks

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Egg on the Sulaco is bullshit, though

    by caruso_stalker217

    I agree with you on that one, fellas. And every other plothole in the film.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Yobo

    by AllNtheReflexes

    Damn, that’s it!

    in related news, I did that with my cellphone the other day.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:40 p.m. CST

    DocMHumphrey

    by zom-bot.com

    well said-

    as for eggs on ships, yeah i guess you are right- i need to rewatch .

    i also always assumed someone like burke or the company had stowed some away as insurance.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:40 p.m. CST

    And everyone quit bringing up “Grindhouse”

    by DocMHumphrey

    I would pay ten times the amount of money to see “Machete” than “Planet Terror” any day of the week.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Alien resurrection was not bad…

    by Zino

    …at least until the last 25 minutes, then it became an abomination the has still not been surpassed even by the crap-fests that are AvP-INO. First of all, Ripley fucks an alien. Then, in about two minutes, a bastard alien-human hybrid is born. Just in case we didn’t get what was happening, Brad Dourif kindly narrates it to us dumb-asses from his cocoon on the wall. Then, to show how tough this new hybrid is, they have it kill the queen alien like she is just some little bitch and not the most bad-ass creature in the universe. And did I mention that this hybrid looks a bit like the elephant man – all pasty white and deformed? None of the elegance of the real aliens.
    What genius thought that combining an alien with a human would make a creature that was even scarier? That is like adding water to vodka to make it more alcoholic. All it does is water down the power of the alien. It completely betrays the idea in the original of the alien being the ‘perfect organism’. Basically, it misses the point. Just because they try lots of weird and random stuff with the characters and creatures in Alien Resurrection, it doesn’t mean they should be applauded for it.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:44 p.m. CST

    Brad Dourif’s speech

    by caruso_stalker217

    I’m ashamed to say I have this memorized and I find myself reciting it at inappropriate times. I do the same thing with Dillon’s inspirational speech at the end of ALIEN 3. God, I’m a loser.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Zino

    by Zerofun

    i think your wrong .. i haven’t watched it in sometime but .. Ripley may have had sex with an alien (an assumption,i think it was showing her connection to them in a semi sexual way.) but the hybrid was a result of the cloned queen.. and the new baby alien was scary/disturbing to me.. simply because it added a emotional element to the alien that they did not have before ..

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:46 p.m. CST

    ‘every 100 years’ bullshit’

    by zom-bot.com

    whoever came up with that rule for predators really stuck their foot up the movies ass. it’s hard to work with. severely limiting. so are we to assume that arnie’s jungle adventure and glover’s happened at the same time ? were there any other predator encounters that summer? best to just say that they live a long time and all go to earth at least once as part of thier rites of passage.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Ripley did not bang an alien

    by caruso_stalker217

    Anyone who thinks differently needs to get their fuckin eyes checked.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:50 p.m. CST

    hybrid ‘puppy’ alien

    by zom-bot.com

    yeah i always thought the big pink disaster was because the queen was pulled from a ripley clone and the two had already interspersed dna- which is why ripley was superhuman. all the queen got out of the deal was a womb.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:52 p.m. CST

    ripley didn’t fuck an alien

    by zom-bot.com

    in fact that was the most ‘giger’ thing in all the series. ripley joined into the big family mass of alien flesh. it was sensual, but so are giger’s aliens.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:52 p.m. CST

    There ARE no EGGS…

    by caruso_stalker217

    There is only HER WOMB and the creature inSIDE. THAT is Ripley’s gift to her. A HUMAN REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. SHE is giving birth for YOU, Ripley, and now – she – is – PERFECT!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:53 p.m. CST

    caruso-stalker217

    by Zino

    I blocked the Dourif exposition from my memory, but I can still recite Dillon’s – ‘you’re all gonna die, the only question is how you check out’…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:55 p.m. CST

    You want it on your feet?

    by caruso_stalker217

    Or on your fuckin knees. Begging. I ain’t much for begging! Nobody ever gave me nothin’! So I say Fuck that thing! Let’s FIGHT it!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 1:58 p.m. CST

    a human reproductive system

    by zom-bot.com

    that is what happened. but how is that an improvement? one painful lumbering birth at a time as opposed to a streamlined egg factory and perfect design?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2 p.m. CST

    Ok

    by Zino

    …so the John Merrick monster was not a result of Ripley fucking the alien. Maybe she didn’t even fuck the alien, but if not i am not sure what they were doing – having a stare-out competition maybe? But my point about the diluting of the power of the alien stands.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2 p.m. CST

    zom-bot.com

    by Zerofun

    lol good point. if anything thing i would say that we humans successfully ruined the aliens at that point.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2 p.m. CST

    silicon based lifeform

    by zom-bot.com

    i believe ash said that’s what the Aliens were. living machines, in a sense.the only ever time they halfway utilize that again is when the alien shatters after being put in extreme heat and suddenly cooled on pt 3. yet the vacuum of space doesn’t really bug them. hmmm

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Yeah, motherfucker was talking out his ass

    by caruso_stalker217

    Unless she could lay eggs AND give birth. Still not sure what was so great about the newborn though. That bitch was fugly as hell.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:03 p.m. CST

    Series7, I’m not one of these script readin’ folk

    by Spandau Belly

    I just don’t ever read the scripts for movies. Though I’ve watched the extensive documentaries on all four Alien movies found in the quadrilogy box set and Joss Whedon does describe the scene you mention. So yes, I knew about that scene and some of the other stuff he had planned for the Alien 4 movie. He originally wrote it without Ripley at all and then rewrote it with Ripley in there, and then scaled it way down in terms of action when he found out they were getting a pretty low budget compared to Alien 3 or my sister’s wedding.

    I guess I’m one of the few people around here who doesn’t get what all the fuss is about when it comes to this Whedon guy. I have a bunch of friends who love his Buffy and Angel shows, but I’ve tried watching a couple episodes and I just don’t get into it. I like BLADE, so I can appriciate vampire martial artistry, but Whedon’s stuff just leaves me cold. I also saw his movie Serenity and found it kinda boring and cheap. I’ve never seen the show it was based on, but I’m guessing it’s more of the same.

    I did however, like Toy Story, and he wrote that.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:04 p.m. CST

    oh, and Ripley is a replicant

    by Spandau Belly

    It’s true and you guys know it. In the upcoming finalized cut she dreams about a leprechaun….in space.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:06 p.m. CST

    Humans are so edible.

    by veebeeyes

    I remember reading one of those Arthur C. Clarke novels about the monolith. It was the third one, though I forget what it was called. 2063, or 2069 or something like that. Anyway, in one part of the book, some people were visiting Europa and one of them got eaten by a giant alien whale or something. At which point the whale starts vomiting uncontrollably and then dies. With that in mind, it’s lucky for movie monsters that humans are so edible. Lucky for movie aliens that they don’t have to worry about incompatible biochemistries resulting from having evolved independently on a completely different planet. But I guess it would be a pretty short movie if Aliens died every time they ate someone.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Whedon to me is like Kristen Bell

    by caruso_stalker217

    People think he’s Jesus or something because of that lousy Buffy shit. Same with that Kristen Bell fella.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:07 p.m. CST

    the A3 alien was as bad as the A4 one

    by BMacSmith

    Seriously, a little “dog” alien? or cow alien? Were the producers sitting around thinking “how do we top the Queen from Aliens? I know! Lets make a smaller, weaker alien that can be physically manhandled by a large man! Fantastic! Then we’ll blow it up in the weirdest way possible.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Home Alone 5: Alien vs. Predator 2008

    by DocMHumphrey

    It’s Christmas time again, and we all know what that means! Another family vacation where an all grown up Kevin McCalester has left behind his middle child to fend for himself during one-time of year that we all should be together in a union of peace. Kevin Sr. was pissed off because a gang of local raccoons have been knocking over his trash cans and stealing food. He locks Kevin Jr. in the attic as punishment for not sealing the lids to the garbage, allowing the raccoons to feast on the X-mas leftovers. As a side-note Kevin Jr. also embarrases his family during their tradition of singing “Happy Birthday” to baby Jesus by throwing Jesus’s birthday cake in his older brother’s face.

    Kevin Jr. has to defend his home from a Predator who is trying to get inside his house looking for aliens in the basement. The aliens are already there for no reason and have populating themselves by means of local animals. The alpha-alien is non-other than the raccoon that got Kevin in trouble in the first place.

    Comedy and hard-core shock gore encompasses the entire film, while degrading all three franchises. It makes a a trillion dollars and more sequels are green-lit. It is a huge hit with the younger generation and the “Fast and the Furious” crowd (You know the type, the ones that dress like Lil’ John and talk in the theatre and smell like marijuana and BO). Europeans and Asians mock Americans for the film, but yet it makes back most of its money from International profits and is released on DVD early in the UK and is a #1 hit.

    As a side note, little known to young Kevin Jr., is that his real father was killed by an alien while finding Moses’s DVD collection in the Anarctic 2004, linking the films even further together with a totally implausable narrative string. He also finds his birth certificate in his house, which he finds out his real name is Kevin E. Ripley.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:12 p.m. CST

    At least the Alien 3 Alien…

    by veebeeyes

    mostly looked like an Alien. Moved differently (though not THAT much differently than the Aliens in Aliens), with a few minor alterations to its appearance. But it still pretty much just looked like an Alien.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:15 p.m. CST

    One day….

    by MeanJoeGreeneDay

    ….hopefully many years from now, I’ll be dying in my nice warm bed of extreme old age and/or oversexification by my 3rd 20 year old mute Swedish wife….and I will wish for 86 more minutes on earth. But I won’t have them. And I will have to think back on the 86 minutes I spent watching this piece of ratpuke. And then I will happily shit my bed.

    Vern, fantastic review.

    Anyone who defends this film, you are a fucking moron.

    Brothers Strause, ‘PredAlien’? What. The. Fuck? I mean at least Speilberg called his shark Bruce. If you are going to talk about it like a character, how about “AlienAtor”, or maybe Steve. Steve is better.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:20 p.m. CST

    you’re not alone, Vern

    by drave117

    I actually agree with you 100% on Alien Resurrection. It’s a really interesting film that has an extremely unjust bad rap.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:25 p.m. CST

    great review vern!

    by phig

    that is all

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:34 p.m. CST

    The only problem that I still have with Alien 4:

    by DerLanghaarige

    It isn’t scary. But so aren’t parts 2 and 3 that means I’m okay with it.

    (Yes, I just said that ALIENS isn’t scary. Because it isn’t. It’s a damn good actionmovie, but it is not scary.)

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:36 p.m. CST

    RESURRECTION is a horror comedy

    by caruso_stalker217

    It just happens to feature Ripley.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:40 p.m. CST

    And, uh, aliens

    by caruso_stalker217

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:45 p.m. CST

    Remember when everyone loved the trailer

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    Everyone was going apeshit over it for whatever reason, it still looked like sci-fi channel movie shit to me, but I from what I remember there wasn’t jack shit to do with high school shit in that trailer, it was hard to tell it was even set in present day. So what the hell happened there?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:48 p.m. CST

    “GodDammit That’s Not All!!!

    by rodcone

    But if one of those things gets down here, then that will be all! Then all of this, what you think is so important, you can just kiss all that goodbye!!!!”

    Ripley said that in 1986. Do your research, Hollywood. Stupid heretics. Goddamn sham artists. Have a little respect for your source material. Wait. Here’s an idea for you. Predator, Travis Bickle, Tron, Gordon Ramsay and Firestarter have a tea party.

    How long before I see that on Family Guy?

    Fuckin’ hacks.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:48 p.m. CST

    predator 3!!!

    by BurgerKing

    why is no one wanting a Predator 3? Oh wait, it’s because AVP was it..

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:50 p.m. CST

    To be fair to Salerno

    by Mezzanine

    He DID write the screenplay for Zodiac, so the guy obviously has some level of talent.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:56 p.m. CST

    Salerno

    by Zerofun

    His line up on IMDB is not good .. i didnt see zodiac on there… thank god the pulled him off of MEG.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:56 p.m. CST

    ZODIAC?!?

    by caruso_stalker217

    Are you fucking shitting me!? That little piece of shit wrote ZODIAC? I guess he must’ve written AvP after suffering a fuckin stroke.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:56 p.m. CST

    How about Aliens vs. Predator vs. Tango vs. Cash

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    How does that sound guys?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:56 p.m. CST

    JUST END IT! END IT NOW!!!!

    by lb

    No more…..I want something new.

    They have fucked up such a easy thing as Aliens fighting Predators so I see no reason to harm the franchise anymore. I am sick of the word franchise and am tired of sequel after sequel after remake after re-invention after sequel. The only original film coming out next year is possibly Wall-E (If you ignore the blatant references to E.T. and Johnny 5)

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 2:57 p.m. CST

    Or what about Aliens vs. Predator vs. Gremlins

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    Who ever wins no one gives a shit

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3 p.m. CST

    I’m also thinkin Aliens vs. Predator vs. Cliffhanger

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    As long as Stallone is bringing back the old favorites..

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Fanboys Vs. Fox

    by Zerofun

    Whoever wins we get a shity movie.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Things I Liked in AVPR

    by No-Op

    1. Predator as Interplanetary Sheriff.

    2. The characters who say stupid things all get to die. Top seed: Woman who asks cop after hours of search for dismembered body of her husband: “Do you think something might have happened?” followed soon by a cheery “Power’s Out” after the city’s been dark for a long time.

    3. Good to know that the Predator planet is only one flight day away from Earth. Great for weekend getaways.

    4. Blue Alien-Liquid Plumber goes a long way cleaning up messy clogs.

    5. Every sub-suburban resort neighborhood has massive walk-in sewers.

    6. There is no sixth thing.

    Seriously, though, why did the otherwise reasonable Predator cleanup guy decide to skin that cop? Just to prove he needed to die too, I guess, like the blond chick was ok to kill because she thinks boyfreinds are employees she can fire when they don’t wear a hat.

    7. There was a moment of interesting negotiation between aliens as to who got to finish the Predator, and predalien took over. Huh.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:02 p.m. CST

    The thing about the ALIEN pictures…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …is that each one was made by talented directors, each with a unique vision. And McT made PREDATOR. So there’s that. These fuckers what make the AvP shit are just geeks who cream their pants every time the Predator’s wristblades shoot out.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Batman Vs Aliens Vs SUperman Vs Predator Vs Your Mom.

    by Zerofun

    mom wins every time.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Aliens vs. Predator meet Abbot and Costello

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    Actually I think this is more in line with where the series is headed, this my final choice.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:05 p.m. CST

    No-Op, everyone knows..

    by Zerofun

    Predators are from mars.. how else do you explain all the red.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Who’s On First?

    by caruso_stalker217

    I can just see an Alien and a Predator doing that routine. It ends with no one giving a shit.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Aliens vs Wade

    by veebeeyes

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Aliens vs Board of Education

    by veebeeyes

    Court upholds segregation on the grounds that Aliens will eat everyone. Aliens, unhappy at the court’s decision, promplty eat everyone.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Hey Mezannine.

    by Gilkuliehe

    You’re full of shit, dude. This hack didn’t write Zodiac, goddamnit. Why are you giving the dipshit props for a good movie, huh? You actually made me go and IMDB his ass, and now I have to thank you for seeing this Salerno pic: http://tinyurl.com/ypdoff Doesn’t he look like David Brent trying to act cool for the camera? I’d draw a goatee to laugh even more but I’m too lazy. The Brent pose is priceless though.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:19 p.m. CST

    MY SPOUSAL SUPPORT JUST GOT AN INCREASE.

    by Shermdawg

    Kristin Kreuk has been casted as Chun-Li in the new Street Fighter flick.

    Ugh….oh…I mean…KNOCK ‘EM OUT DARLIN’!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:22 p.m. CST

    STREET FIGHTER is awful

    by caruso_stalker217

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr26p3hIgm4

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:24 p.m. CST

    I am so fucking inept

    by caruso_stalker217

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Damn Vern, you nailed it….

    by riddleman1674

    And I haven’t even seen the movie, but thank you for saving me money. I’m sure on some quiet day over the summer, when I’m bored and just want a good laugh, I’ll pop in the Netflix rental and count how many times I’ll shake my head in the couple hours I will waste viewing this garbage. Just amazes me how many idiots and bullshit will be produced before they finally go,..”oh we get it now! better script, stronger characters, let’s “THINK” and do some research now before we pump out another FX smothered bucket of jizz.” I guess that’s the way the process works. The Batman & Robin effect. Let’s rape the property til it cant stand on it’s own two legs anymore and leave it to bleed out and die a miserable fade away death, before we ressurect it a decade later like an old artifact and give it new life ala Batman Begins. So fucking great. I can’t wait til 2017 for a real Alien & Predator comeback. If these dumb fucks think this movie will make enough money to merit a third “what the fans have wanted all along” in space movie, they’re as fucked in the head asthe idiots who gave this script the greenlight. BTW agree with you on Alien Ressurection. At the very least, it went in a new direction withthe character. Not a masterpiece by far, but at least Ripley wasn’t cloned on an episode of The Hills or Laguna Beach. Jesus, a pizza boy hero?…wow…..Watch out Arnie…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Eh

    by snafu069

    I haven’t seen AvP2 yet, but in an effort to test out my new BluRay player, I rewatched AvP and, I gotta say, does anyone else sort of feel like the Predators really suck at what they do? I mean, they lose every time. At least in Aliens and Alien Resurection the only hope was to blow everything up and run screaming. I think, if they do AvP3, the predator should win and everyone else should do. Throw a fan a bone.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:36 p.m. CST

    by snafu069

    Err. Die. Definitely die. Not do.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:38 p.m. CST

    AvP sans humans

    by 1n3br14t3d

    For the record, Alien Resurrection was horrible in my opinion. I found it to be a campy re-hashing of the franchise.

    With that said, I wonder… with movies such as I Am Legend and Apocalypto, why not have a movie with just the xenomorphs (Alien)and Predator. I don’t find dialog to be absolutely necessary in this sci-fi/horror/thriller/suspense genre especially which such classic creatures as the aliens (both species) portrayed in the movies. Not enough for a story? Okay, make it a coming of age film for the Predator protagonist. Drop him/her/it on some alien planet (why always keep it Earth centered)and let viewers follow his “spirit journey” as he hunts and kills countless xenomorphs.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Wait, that’s not a remake for THE The Mechanic

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    The Bronson film. On that smooth faced Salerno jackasses imdb page? IT CAN’T BE

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:41 p.m. CST

    don’t make me repost my reboot movie synopsis, you guys.

    by zom-bot.com

    cause our dream ideas are starting to repeat

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Mezzanine

    by professor murder

    I too, can’t find that Salerno did screenplay for Zodiac. James Vanderbilt is listed on screenplay. There’s no way Salerno wrote Zodiac and then took a shit and smeared it on a reel and called it AvP2.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Sorry Headache Guy

    by professor murder

    It appears so. Sorry.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:05 p.m. CST

    seriously…

    by Dan Halen

    who would win in a fight betweenn Superman and Thor?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:05 p.m. CST

    You rule, Vern.

    by johnnyangelheart

    Great review.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Zodiac explanation…

    by Mr.Vess

    The unjust credit that Salerno sometimes still mistakenly gets for “Zodiac” probably stems from the fact that when Graysmith first published his delusions in the 80s, Shalerno asked him to sell the rights to the book (although considering the level of fact versus fiction in it, it should actually be referred to as a novel) and did, in fact, attempt to rewrite it into a screenplay. Fortunately, it ended on paper rather than on screen.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Zerofun

    by DocPazuzu

    Provide a link to info stating that Salerno is off Meg.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:48 p.m. CST

    I’ll never understand…

    by jub3i

    why they won’t fucking use the storyline Dark Horse used in the first AvP series…

    is it that god-damn hard. hell, the fucking story boards are already done for you. but noooooooooooooooo. we have to reinvent the god damn wheel and fail miserably with the final result.

    altho, Reiko Alyesworth in a bikini sounds promising…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Predator 2 is better than Predator 1.

    by JonQuixote

    Nobody wants to acknowledge this fact, but it’s true. It’s a dirty little secret that’s being covered up by Big Oil and the Zeitgeist Mafia. I have used science to prove that Predator 2 is better than Predator 1, but can’t post my findings on this talkback because the formatting is ass. If you continue to doubt me, jonquixote@hotmail.com and I’ll send it to you. But you’ll just feel foolish afterwards. Really, watch them again and compare, but with this in mind: Predator 2 is not set “in the city.” It is set in a crappy action movie.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Bring back Ripley and SPACE MARINES!!!!

    by Drath

    Stop with this modern day setting crap–I want to see space marines, I want to see that Ripley’s Earth looks like Bladerunner and the executives of Weyland Yutani live in the Tyrell Corporation’s building, look like the heads of Omni Consumer Products (get people like Ronny Cox, Rutger Hauer, James Hong, and Roy Scheider to play them), and answer to sinister AI computers like the Hall-9000, Skynet, and the MCP. I want to see the “Pilot”/Space Jockey aliens, the origin and/or homeworld of the Aliens that has NOTHING to do with Earth of the present day, and how Ripley, Hicks, a rebuilt Bishop, and an adult New, escape a Predator/Alien war. I want to see the space ships as characters again with that distinct haunted house feel, I want to go “shit that is cool” while we’re still with the humans, I want the deadliness of space again, I want to wish ever victim had lived because he/she was so damned good–not because they were cut short of being good. And I want to walk out demanding a sequel because I loved what I saw–not to fix all the problems as I do with failures like X-Men 3 and Spider-Man 3. I would even accept a post-Aliens Resurrection sequel that deals with uber-hybrid Ripley and Wynona Rider’s Call, but still with the afore mentioned Weyland Yutani should again exist (it was said to be long gone in A:R) and more care being given to the mythology of the franchise that we haven’t seen since Alien 3. I do not want to see any more crap like the Aliens rip off quality shit of Resident Evil or Doom either, get someone who can make great supsense thrillers, loves Alien, Aliens, and Predator, and who wants to make a movie in that caliber. Otherwise, I’m not interested in this franchise–except to bitch about it, but since I’m waiting for bootleg or TV, that ain’t giving them money.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Long time reader, first time participant

    by kungfuhustler84

    Vern made some great points about both franchises having great human characters but what about the idea of an Alien versus Predator movie without any human characters? If all they’re gonna do is fill the movie with a bunch of lame caricatures, why not just get rid of them all together. What about a film entirely without dialogue? It could be a single predator on anabandoned space station or in a jungle. Just show the two types of creatures interacting with all kinds of scenarios and use the action rather than trying to justify it with horrible dialogue. It for the Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons. I know those were much shorter but I think if this franchise has any hope of becoming anything more than a joke (which at this point is pretty much impossible) it’s gonna need a serious rethinking. They could at least not set it in the present day and totally ignore the older Alien Mythos. Thoughts?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:05 p.m. CST

    oop

    by kungfuhustler84

    I meant to say they shouldn’t ignore the old Alien mythos. That’s the best stuff! And I don’t know about Ripley but I think if they were going to bring back anything remotely human it would be the space marines. Does anyone here remember that AVP arcade game by Capcom? Apparently that was originally the plot and it was going to be a tie in to the movie. Now any arcade game is probably not a good basis for a movie plot but it would probably have kicked the shit out of the current catastrophe.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Shane Salerno = Pathetic

    by Ciggees

    Seriously, that guy tries to take credit for EVERYTHING. Look at the self-fellating imdb profile or the wikipedia entry that he wrote — it’s nauseating. He writes terrible scripts that usually get shitcanned by the studio, gets replaced as the writer, and then claims to be the script doctor on the project when in fact it was he who was rewritten! Zodiac is just another of his many attempts to bolster his profile by claiming credit for something he had nothing to do with. It’s bad form to take credit for movies when you’re not credited. Shane, you have NO credit on Zodiac, Ghost Rider, Breakdown, or Alien vs. Predator yet you claim it on your bio. That’s a disservice to the real writers who did receive credit. And between the two movies you DID receive credit on there were 10 writers in total. At least AVPR is all yours. Enjoy the accolades, you hack.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Spandau… My highschool was just like the movies

    by Bass Bastardson

    I kid you not. I grew up in a fairly small redneck town (30,000)and my high school was just like a fucking movie. The football players all had the hot cheerleader girlfriends and beat up on the dorks, geeks and art kids, the stoners all went behind the stadium at lunch to smoke cigarettes and there were plenty of raging parties that only the cool kids were invited to. Maybe it isn’t that way across the globe but it was in my town. Of course, another cliche applies to my old classmates as well – all the old jocks and bullies are now mostly fat bald mill workers while some of us geeks have become successful and attractive. Seriously. I grew up in a crappy hollywood formula.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Salerno’s script doctoring.

    by Gilkuliehe

    Funny he takes credit for doing so in GHOST RIDER. I mean GHOST FUCKING RIDER. You doctored THAT? Wait for it… “I think you lost the patient, doc”.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Predator 3 should be set in Iraq/Middle East

    by jason john

    Keep alien and predator separate as fox clearly can’t make a decent film, Predator 3 should be set in the Middle East,say Iraq, and have the predator playing the allied soldiers off against the locals. Alien should explore the origins of the ship in the original film, or the Alien Homeworld, doesn’t need Ripley, surely other ppl would of come across the Aliens as well as her.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:45 p.m. CST

    AVP (ass vs pussy) i like to fuck em’ both.

    by future help

    god knows these 2 fucked me.

    (drunk and funny?) should i add the even more juvenile choco-pussy J?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:55 p.m. CST

    DON’T EAT THE BROWN ACID!!

    by uss cygnus

    You see what happens?!?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:56 p.m. CST

    Mad Max 4 : Fury Road

    by Jaws Wayne

    So,any news on the one that matters most ?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 5:57 p.m. CST

    STOP! OR MY PREDATOR WILL SHOOT!

    by uss cygnus

    Aliens are a disease. Meet the cure.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Best negative Vern review… ever?

    by Razorback

    Could be. I laughed my ass off. Give this guy a Pulitzer!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Anal Glaucoma

    by Supermans

    When I can’t see my Ass walking thru the theater doors to see this movie, even though I’m a fan of both franchises… ;)

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Vern sums things up well here.

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    That’s all I can say.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Just an quick (BACK! Dammit!) note…

    by Kid Z

    …to say (Arrrgh! NO!) Vern’s review is (STOP! UGH! Go…To… HELLL!) Uh… Vern’s review is spot on… now… gotta (DAMN! GET BACK!…) gotta go get a plunger… (URRRRGH! KILL you!) …Cthulhu keeps trying to crawl up outta the sewers through my guest bathroom toilet… (Back hellspawn!)

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:29 p.m. CST

    Vern, Philbrick has this PowerPoint…

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    the outline of which is found in the last AvPR TB that you really need to show someone at Fox if you ever get a sit-down. Bring your laser pointer. And a nice suit, either black or navy, but not part one and part the other. Girl told me that was unfashionable.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:35 p.m. CST

    And yes, setting it on Earth

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Is not in and of itself a dealbreaker by any means. However, with these scripts, it is.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:41 p.m. CST

    re “megpen”

    by DocPazuzu

    He showed up in the last TB (once jg9817 had been outed as Salerno), defending Salerno in a most unwholesome and repetitive way, and became VERY indignant when it was suggested to him that he, too, was Salerno.

    Why is he suddenly AWOL in this talkback?

    If he had the courage of his convictions he’d be here defending Salerno once more.

    I think it’s because he truly is Salerno. He fears the power of the Vern and getting punched in the vajayjay.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:47 p.m. CST

    By the way…

    by DocPazuzu

    …that “Dutch75” tool who posted the “c’mon guys just be glad they made the movie at all” thing earlier in this talkback has — SURPRISE! — never posted on AICN before.

    Christ, how fucking stupid are these bluetoothed Fox replitards anyway?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Predalien?

    by THE KNIGHT

    Ok, initially, the “Predalien” was alone, killing both the Predator, and mushing around and beating up the Aliens too, right? At what point did Predalien just decide to side with the Aliens? That’s bullshit, but I guess it hadto work with the script. And when Predalien was laying eggs in the the mothers mouths, wouldn’t you think that’d make more Predaliens? Not nore Aliens that hatxh and grow to into adults in a matter of minutes. Talk about shitting on movies… when will it end?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:02 p.m. CST

    DocPazuzu,you know whats going on!

    by travis-dane

    I am fairly new to the TB`s but that megpen thing stinks!I called him out on this TB to get in the ring with Vern but he did not showed up.I think we will never see him again!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:03 p.m. CST

    ?WHY? cool scenes in the trailer are NOT in film?

    by cavhd

    WHERE is the cool sequence where Reiko is firing that huge fifty caliber machine gun and screaming? It’s in every trailer. It’s in every tv spot but its not anywhere in the movie??????????

    WHERE is Shareeka Epps (Half Nelson) entire role? She was announced as a co-lead. She shot for two months in Vancouver. She was interviewed about her role and spoke well of the film. And yet she’s been cut out of the entire movie. Not cut down, cut completely out.

    WHERE is the very hyped sequence in the cemetery where Reiko and her daughter confront a crazed guy with a gun hiding from a Predator? In the scene the little girl won’t stop crying and the guy wants to shoot the little girl and her Reiko and just before he does the Predator (seeing his gun) fires and blows his head off, spewing blood all over Reiko and her daughter. ??? The entire sequence has been cut from the movie. In an interview one of the Strauses said it would be on the DVD extended cut and were “disappointed” that it has been cut from the theatrical release.

    Who could have ordered the cutting of almost thirty minutes out of the theatrical release? Certainly not first time directors with no final cut.

    Here’s what I heard. The Strause Bros. showed a two hour, five minute cut of the movie to executives around town who were interested in hiring them for other movies. It was received well and they were finalists for several fairly large movies.

    Fox reportedly told them to cut it down more and they did. But Fox wanted more cuts. Brothers Strause said they could not cut anymore or it would create numerous logic and pacing problems because of all the characters and their inter-connected storylines.

    But FOX ordered the film chopped down to 87 minutes. Why? Because they wanted to get in a fifth (and in some cases sixth) showing per day per theater.

    They did this with AVP and also with X MEN 3. They did it with Alien 3 over Fincher’s major protest. Fincher said Fox’s cuts “destroyed my film.”

    Thirty minutes is a shitload of time to cut from what the directors submit as their final cut. It’s character moments, character relationships, dialogue, entire scenes and sequences, transitions, pacing.

    So Fox…let me ask you something. Was a fifth (or sixth) show per day per theater really worth all this fan anger?????????

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:06 p.m. CST

    Hey, Doc! Shane deleted his imdb post!

    by Ciggees

    Hilarious! He gushes about what a great guy Shane Salerno is for bringing coffee out to the striking writers. Then gets outed here on AICN for it. And now it’s…gone.

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004307/board/thread/90705500

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:11 p.m. CST

    cavhd

    by Scrolly

    If the above is true the Brothers should have asked to have their names removed from the film.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:20 p.m. CST

    That Salerno Magic.

    by Dallasalad

    Larry King ended the September 1991 interview by saying “And Shane Salerno, one has a feeling we are going to be hearing about you. I have this feeling.” Congrats, Shane, mission accomplished.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:22 p.m. CST

    I remember that Reiko .50 MG scene…

    by travis-dane

    hell it was in the trailer!But I dont think the movie will be better.But looks like I give the DVD a chance.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:28 p.m. CST

    There is a secluded island…

    by DocPazuzu

    …upon which rests an obscure mental institution. In this institution there is a wing known as Section AICN Interface (S.A.I.). Until recently there were only two cells occupied there, namely by the drooling, gibbering husks of the individuals formerly known as Demon Dave and The Core Guy.

    Last night, the halls of S.A.I. reverberated with the squeaking of a wheelchair as a new guest was brought to this refuge for the very, very nervous.

    The enthusiastic grunting, capering and farting of Dave and The Core Guy was more than enough to make the straightjacketed, semi-catatonic form of Shane Salerno spasm in glee. His man-diaper filled comfortingly with burbling jets of warm diarrhetic bliss as he hooted in innocent and childlike love.

    Here he was, at last, home.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:28 p.m. CST

    Dear Vadakin

    by metaluna

    You just keep writing up those crap ideas you have, fella. You make everyone else look better and my job a shit load easier. Aliens and Predators on a homeworld with no humans or dialogue. ROFL. I love it. Genius. http://crackle.com/c/Moving_Targets/Script_Cops%2C_Ep_1%3A_DROP_THE_SCRIPT!/1997675#ml=fu%3D2258431%26fx%3D

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Thanks cavhd!

    by Dallasalad

    Thanks for the INSIDER info on AVP-R!!! I’ve now reconsidered my opinion of Strause x2, Salerno, and the film. Those sequences sound not only breathtaking, but daring, pulse-pounding and cutting edge! I eagerly await the TWO HOUR FIVE MINUTE cut. It’s the character moments, character relationships, dialogue, entire scenes and sequences, transitions, and pacing that I’ve always enjoyed most in Shane’s work. C’mon, let’s get real: the more AVP-R, the better! Sign the DIRECTORS CUT petition today!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:38 p.m. CST

    This is good news

    by bcz1

    I think that if they flesh out some of the characters more (namely the army chick, she barely gets any backstory), and up the brightness a little, this movie can be really awesome. I look forward to the dvd.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:38 p.m. CST

    HEHEHIHI

    by travis-dane

    DocPazuzu,a good one!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:39 p.m. CST

    Posting history?

    by Scrolly

    Is it possible to see somebody’s posting history on AICN? if so, how?

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:40 p.m. CST

    I think they should keep going, Till they make the worst film in

    by kirttrik

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:42 p.m. CST

    AVPR is the worst movie i’ve seen all 2007.

    by Rufus

    And that’s that.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:44 p.m. CST

    Apparently, Scrolly…

    by DocPazuzu

    …you haven’t posted here before either.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:45 p.m. CST

    DocPazuzu

    by Scrolly

    Only for the last week or so. Long time reader, first time complainer :-)

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:47 p.m. CST

    They should keep going till the worst film ever made is born

    by kirttrik

    I really think they can do it. Why bother pretending you’ll actually make something good, just go for the gold and crap it out. The only thing more shocking than the blatant dribble they produce should be the budget. Yeah, I still want the big budget there.

    I often wonder how much better the world would be if a bad movie instead of getting a green light, the money for that production was given to me. In this case two good things would have occurred, one AVP-R wouldn’t exist and we’d all be better off for it, two I’d be able to pay off my student loans and move to Canada, Amsterdam, or somewhere in England.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:50 p.m. CST

    DocPazuzu

    by Scrolly

    And AVPR/Salerno/Strause have really given me something to complain about!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:52 p.m. CST

    Scrolly

    by DocPazuzu

    Well, that makes you one of the good guys for sure.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Any chance Salerno will have time

    by Dallasalad

    after polishing up Spielberg’s LINCOLN and Fincher’s TORSO scripts to either do a proper 1 on 1 with AICN, or at the very least work with Dr. Boll? Two paths to instant glory. Instant TB redemption.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 7:59 p.m. CST

    DocPazuzu

    by Scrolly

    I feel like we should be putting together a petition or a letter writing campaign but I can’t see any evidence that Fox wants to do the right thing by the fans. The whole situation is very depressing.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:27 p.m. CST

    Ridley Scott’s ‘masterpiece’ Alien…

    by Bill Clay

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Oh yeah, that’s one movie that has profoundly influenced the entertainment medium for the last 25 years.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 8:39 p.m. CST

    uh, yeah it did, Bill Clay

    by I Dunno

    I hope you were being sarcastic.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:22 p.m. CST

    Ready for this: I liked it

    by frontline

    Rip all you want but i actually enjoyed this film. What i was expecting: A summer release / popcorn flick that just happened to be released on Christmas. I left the theatre getting what i wanted and then some. Is the acting on par with what was in, “There will be blood?” No. Is this the “ground breaking” film that began the Alien franchise: nope. Was this film better than AVP and thus exceeding my expectations: dear lord yes. The scenes involving the Aliens were kept dark, things were cut quickly when the action began to roll and they went back to the lithe hunter style predator are just some of the reasons that i enjoyed this time around infinitely more than AVP. I did not want to be attached to the characters because i wanted to watch AVP not AVPVH. Did i care what happened between the pizza boy and his OC girlfriend, nope-which is why it was great when she ended up pinned to a wall. To me the franchises are slowly back on their way to where i want to see them: R rated, dark and with more focus on the key players (aliens and predators).

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:39 p.m. CST

    Mr. Dinky

    by Vern

    Like I said in the review, the PREDATOR characters are a different style than in ALIEN. They’re less nuanced but they’re still great action movie heroes. If the key is to hire a cool actor, like you say, then they should’ve hired cool actors! But don’t you think they missed the mark even before the casting? Doesn’t it seem reasonable that audiences might want to see a soldier, a cop or space truckers as the hero but not a lovelorn teenage pizza delivery man? Don’t you see a difference there?

    I’m not sure most of the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET sequels are less competent than this is, but that’s beside the point. Most of the NIGHTMARE sequels are about high school teens because that’s what the original was about. At least they have that excuse. If AVP-R had somehow gained something by crossbreeding with the cliches of slasher sequels then it would be fine to mix it up, but I don’t see any gain there and the handfuls of positive reviews I’ve seen have all said they enjoyed it because the characters are stupid and you want to see them die.

    You said “I prefer to keep the aliens in the dark,” which I agree with. My point is that keeping them in the dark when you’re trying to make them scary makes perfect sense. Keeping them in the dark for a fight does not. If you can’t show the fight maybe you shouldn’t make a movie about them fighting. It’s like making a Bruce Lee movie where you can’t see the fights because you think Bruce looks cooler in shadows.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:48 p.m. CST

    Concerning Salerno in the TB

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    It’s one thing to nit pick the details of a script to death. You can do that endlessly with anyone’s writing. But there were some basic basic offenses here that leave me wondering just how so much idiocy could have taken over AvP, and it would be a respectful move if Salerno defended decisions made or admitted mistakes on this thing. Of course, there was probably a lot of corporate bullshit shoved down throats about appealing to certain demographics, etc. etc. Basically I’m saying “Fuck You” to bluetooth wearing asshats at Fox, and a “WTF!?” to Salerno. And DocPazuzu, it’s good to see once again your uncanny and hilarious knack for summing up various talkback issues with iconic prose, that in this case, conjures imagery that is certain to stay with people for a long time to come.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 9:49 p.m. CST

    frontline

    by Vern

    Well I’m glad somebody enjoyed it. But I don’t really get it. If the point is not the human characters, then why are they in the movie? If they are in the movie then why aren’t they interesting? All you gotta do is one or the other. Focus on the monsters, or have non–monsters worth focusing on. Although this movie is not nearly as bad as TRANSFORMERS it’s the same thing: if the point is not the humans but the robots, why the fuck did you make me watch those little assholes for 2 hours?

    The Predator was the best part of the movie, but I bet if you cut all his screentime together it would be less than 15 minutes, maybe closer to 10.

    That’s all I have to say but perhaps this post would be more powerful if I ended with a BWAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA!!! like that one guy who just “powned” me up there. It is an evil laugh so it makes me so fuckin scary you will shit your pants. Also please picture that I’m wearing a totally evil cape when I cackle like that. That’s how I picture the “yeah right ALIEN influenced 25 years of cinema” prick, he has a cape on. Also he has some scary Kiss style snake boots and is breathing fire.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:02 p.m. CST

    Vern, you kill me

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Good job on the review and the talkbacking. And by the way that post scared the shit out of me.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:04 p.m. CST

    wha?!

    by wbn2k7

    This movie was the most horrible film I have seen in a long time. I mean COME ON! It’s like of all the scripts or ideas this was seriously the best one?! Like SERIOUSLY?! I was hoping to see a movie that maybe enlisted the humans to assist the predators and then have the predators/humans go take on the aliens on their home world or something. MAN I was beyond dissapointed with this film. AVP 1 looked like Aliens compared to this steaming pile.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Orcus

    by Dallasalad

    Who is “pen”ning the film “Meg”? Google it. Cross reference against the AVP-R writing credits. Solve the mystery.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Orcus

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Apparently you missed the action in the latter part of the last AvP talkback. Boils down to this: Megpen = Salerno.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:34 p.m. CST

    Yes, I see it

    by caruso_stalker217

    The aliens are the White Man, spreading like a virus and laying waste to everything in sight. The predators have dredlocks, which makes them the black dudes. Except they hunt the aliens, so I don’t know what that’s about. Also, I don’t recall any scenes of an alien sitting on the porch of his plantation home drinking lemonade and talking like Foghorn Leghorn while dozens of predators toil in the cotton fields. Or maybe I missed it.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:55 p.m. CST

    Aliens vs. Ewoks

    by NoHubris

    There shall be no peace in the galaxy.
    That should be next.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 10:57 p.m. CST

    thanks vern, merry christmas.

    by frankenfickle

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:01 p.m. CST

    Wow…

    by Scrolly

    cavhd makes some of the exact same points as megpen did yesterday. :-)

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Nah, Orcus

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    If anything Orcus needs more underworld. AICN talkback is priceless.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:16 p.m. CST

    Please explain, Dunno, how Aliens…

    by Bill Clay

    …has impacted popular entertainment. A haunted house movie on a spaceship has influenced cinema to the degree that Blade Runner has? Not even close.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:19 p.m. CST

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    by Bill Clay

    I hurt Vern’s feelings! :(

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:21 p.m. CST

    Don’t think anybody was comparing the two

    by caruso_stalker217

    BLADE RUNNER has had one hell of an impact on film over the last quarter century, but ALIEN ain’t no light-weight. Just look at all the fucking toys and lunch boxes.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:27 p.m. CST

    Most distubing part of the movie…

    by Spifftacular Squirrel Girl

    Maybe it was just me, but did anyone else get the feeling that the woman, who’s husband was just mauled to death by an alien earlier, was flirting with that Dallas guy? It was no wonder the kid would rather have her dad read to her at night.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:37 p.m. CST

    It was ment to be

    by revility

    Never has a movie made me so angry and ruined memories and the greatness establed by earlier film makers. This isn’t a spit in the face to just the fans, people in general, but to ridley and cameron. My son is going to grow up in a world where everybody thinks predators and aliens are cheesy horrible movies. They will never care about the real movies made because these two were just that bad.

    They made money on the first and had a big chance to redeem everything wrong from that film. Something easy to do. From the get go they get a horrible writer whos only possible talent is editing and theft, and then hand to noobie directors who are passionate about the franchise this embarressing script and an even smaller budget than the first film. The film was dead the second fox choose this script of all scripts.

    The plot and characters are so bad that it makes you wonder…

    WAS THIS PURPOSELY MADE THIS BAD? DID FOX WANT TO KILL THESE FRANCHISES OFF LIKE X-MEN?

    I don’t see any other reason as to why they would let this sink so low. The idea off the bat is a money maker. Their two brands with respect from multiple generations of people. Yet both these films did completely the opposite of what was needed to make this one of the biggest successes of the last 5 years, fox made it the biggest joke. They just hid what they were doing with grabbing two directors who could easily wrap up the ugly before the world knew the truth.

    Shane S. You don’t Aliens or predators. Tim roth doesn’t either. Just fricken admit it already because these two movies already proved it. Face it, Fox hates anything sci-fi to a point where it doesn’t give a crap they loose a ton of potential money doing so.

    More than anything, we need somebody to buy the rights away from fox if either franchise is ever going to live. Because Fox doesn’t want them to.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:40 p.m. CST

    One thing missing from Sal’s Wiki entry…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    The uncomfortable moment on Larry King when the teenage writing wizard was asked if he liked movies about gladiators…

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:43 p.m. CST

    BILL CLAY

    by BringingSexyBack

    Alien may not have begotten a slew of other masterpieces, but the film itself holds up extremely well over the decades, and was a prime example of how important mood and characterization is to sci-fi and horror movies. Like Star Wars, it inspired a slew of imitators from Leviathan to Deep Rising, from Mimic to Species. It’s to Scott’s credit that none approached his level of mood setting and suspense, with only Aliens coming close. And Cameron was – smartly – aware of the importance in copying the tone set in the first movie even though he had his own story to tell.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:48 p.m. CST

    worse things of 2007

    by revility

    to add more fuel to fire…

    AVPR is worse than 2girls1cup

    Watching kermits reactions to that was far more entertaining than this and never created this much hate and scared even more people.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:48 p.m. CST

    ZINO

    by BringingSexyBack

    I agree with you about ID being totally dumbed down. That’s why I only regard it as “somewhat” enjoyable. It’s definitely a qualified compliment in the context of these types of movies. If you’re going to show the actual aliens (or robots, monsters, etc.) in only 1/4 of the movie, then you better fill the rest with some decent characterization and story-telling. Which AVP definitely does not.

  • Dec. 28, 2007, 11:58 p.m. CST

    Predator biology

    by VanGoghX

    I really hated the PredAlien impregnating the chicks in the pregnancy ward through the mouth, but can’t help but wonder if this indicates something about Predator biology that we haven’t seen yet…? Actually, screw it. At this point I can’t say that I even care anymore. It can only bring more pain. <sigh>

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:07 a.m. CST

    Sad.

    by otm shank

    I talked myself into seeing AVP1 in the theater. That movie stuck it in and broke it off. No way this abortion gets my money. That’s what HBO is for.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:07 a.m. CST

    Bill Clay

    by Vern

    AWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGAAAAA!!!

    If you don’t think ALIEN is influential then you’ve never browsed the sci-fi section of a video store to see the ten thousand fake Giger alien movies made in the ’80s. (Of course, you could argue that Alejandro Jodorowsky deserves credit for this since he was the one that was gonna hire Giger for DUNE before Scott hired him for ALIEN.)

    But who cares? I never said Ridley Scott’s most influential. I said his masterpiece. BLADE RUNNER may have had a slightly larger effect on set designers and lighting technicians, but to me ALIEN is a way more effective story and set of characters. I think BLADE RUNNER is beautiful, groundbreaking, and dull, ALIEN is perfect. Your mileage may vary, and does. But it’s possible that you have become disoriented from the fumes while polishing your Blade Runner collectable briefcase. You might want to reconsider.

    KI-KI-KI- MO-MO-MO!!! BOO YAH!!! WHOOMP THERE IT IS etc.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:11 a.m. CST

    ur all sick

    by slkboxrman

    both AVP movies ruled… to nitpick is to hate, and i dont hate movies, i only hate the haters that whine and whine and whine and whine and whine…..and the random ass that doesnt get why the movie is set in the present when the alien movies took place in the future…. please find a hobby, or a woman, or a gun and end it, obviously the world is dissapointing to u…. if anyone missed what i said at the beginning, both AVP movies were awesome..tributes to both franchises..

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:26 a.m. CST

    Dear metaluna

    by vadakinX

    Thank you for your support. Please enjoy the autographed poster of Gary Coleman.

    Sincerely,

    VadakinX

    Look, if you read my posts, you’ll find that I also talked about how to implement a human story into an Alien/Predator war script.

    I’m not opposed to humans being in an AvP movie, but I do think it would be interesting try a movie without them.

    If humans are in it, then the way I see it, make it a survival story…kinda like the second half of Pitch Black, only instead of shadow creatures, you have Aliens and Predators beating the crap out of each other and the humans are stuck in the middle, simply trying to survive. When a predator stops an Alien from eating you head off, he’s not doing it to save you, he’d just as soon kill you as well. Predator homeworld, two vicious species trying to destory each other, and a small group of marines trying to get the hell out of there without being killed or implanted. it’s simple, it works….at least I think it does.

    maybe you guys disagree, and that’s fine, and frankly I’d love to see more Alien and Predator movies instead of an AvP-3. But if it has to happen, I’m merely sugesting a possible way to make it not suck.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:30 a.m. CST

    RAMBO VS. PREDATORS!!!

    by MrMysteryGuest

    See Stallone decapitate Predators with one swipe of his machete!

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:47 a.m. CST

    Robocop vs Terminator

    by vadakinX

    Of all the potential “vs” movies…that’s the one I fear the most. Granted since Future Detroit is vastly different than Terminators Future Earth, you might think that nobody would be stupid enough to even try and make the movie….

    But Delta City has suddenly become the last human city, founded by John Connor before his death. But OCP managed to get their hands on an infiltration unit and reverse-engineered it to create Robocop, as per Connors instructions and Robocop was set to become the saviour of humanity and destroy Skynet single-handedly. But first he had to clean up Delta City and reunite the fragile human race.

    Of course Skynet found out and sent a Terminator to infiltrate Delta City to track down and destroy Robocop and so provide a final victory for the machines…

    Just you wait, it will happen…and we will all die a little inside. But the box office takings will encorage more studios to make “vs” movies and we will get Independance Day vs Men In Black where Will Smith has to stop Will Smith from nueralizing everyone.

    This will be followed by Scooby Doo vs Catwoman, Hellboy vs Touched By An Angel and of course Hiro Nakamura vs Marty McFly

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:54 a.m. CST

    Vern is right: BLADE RUNNER is dull and illogical!

    by Bob Cryptonight

    Read his indisputable review at his website http://www.geocities.com/outlawvern/

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:16 a.m. CST

    characterization

    by mrdinky

    I don’t disagree that the characterization is crap in AvP-R. And there’s some really dumb dialog. Not A LOT of really dumb dialog. Hell, there isn’t much dialog. Now iunno about you, but I laughed with bill paxton’s character died in P2. I wanted that to happen. I scratched my head when the rasta king died, not really understanding what the point in scalping him was in the first place. P1 was a buncha meatheads (one ACTUAL WWF reject!) running around flexing their muscles. It’s not john mclane trapped in a sky scraper with a machine gun (ho ho ho), some smokes, a walkie talkie and alan rickman. but the less said about “characterization” in either PREDATOR movie, the better. please. that’s not what moves those movies, nor is it what movies AvPs (which I maintain ARE PREDATOR movies with aliens in them).

    there’s one teenager arc and 4 or 5 adult arcs. the teenagers get what? 10 minutes of play when they should’ve gotten 5 like the military lady? or are we counting every scene with the younger brother in it as a dawson’s creek scene?

    the only problem I had “seeing” the action that I felt I should’ve seen was in the sewer. not the entire scene, just the part where the predalien comes out of (apparently) nowhere and knocks the predator through a wall. that was frustratingly disorienting. I’m with you there. didn’t have trouble following the other fight sequences though…not like I did with transformers (which was actually in the light).

    the “teen” girl was obviously there for the sex appeal, and the extra time dedicated to the teens was clearly there because whoever had final cut believed his target audience was teenagers (prolly true). can’t argue that.

    that’s a hell of a lot different from putting the entire movie on a NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET sequel level. the reasons for showing the half-naked chick and the kids fighting over her are similar in motivation; it’s a stretch to say the whole movie is mining NoES flicks because of it though.

    anyway, those are fantasy horror movies that I loathe; they’re raison d’etre is horror, to scare. whereas AvP is an R-rated action-horror series that went “soft” (c’mmon pg-13? for aliens OR predators? why don’t we just go watch dora and diego rescue the predator cub from and the alien mommy’s egg from the big mean waterfall?) iunno. I see the use of teen (and most other stock cliches) that you’re pointing to in your TB. I didn’t see that in the review, but whatever. I’ve had my say. until next time someone fucks with my fanboy idols. ;-)

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:21 a.m. CST

    an open letter to Silk Boxer Man

    by Vern

    Well bud, you were THIS close to changing my whole outlook on life. I was taking a long, hard look at your idea that to make legitimate criticisms is to be a “hater” and “whiner” and that if you do that you should find a hobby and a girl and then shoot yourself while doing that hobby with that girl. And I gotta tell ya buddy that although your post was written in some sort of moronic children’s text messaging language it was makin some real sense to me. Why go through life having tastes and standards when some guy on the internet who can’t even spell out the words Silk Boxer Man might accuse me of not having a girl?
    It’s just not worth it. Maybe it really is time to “check my brain at the door” and “get a life” and “stop hatin” and “keep ‘er real” by enjoying any moronic crap anybody allows me to pay for. For now on, I don’t give a shit what it is. If it is, if there is a thing, and if I look at it, then that thing will RULE. PERIOD. Sorry, haters. For example, the movie SORRY HATERS fucking RULES. Also the movie BABY GENIUSES RULES. PERIOD. NUFF SED. HOORAY! Stop hatin bitchez.

    Or so I thought. But then just to be sure I googled your vanity plate style screen name to see if you were one of these first timers or “salernos” as they are sometimes called. As you know you are not. But the first post that came up:

    “about THE OFFICE….it sucks…watched the first episode and it stunk..steve carell is a mediocre actor at best…if it wasnt for 40yr old virgin and jim carrey dropping out of the bruce almighty sequel, we wouldnt even know who he is..”

    WHAT?! My friend, you are a fraud. You, who have preached against “nitpicking” and “whining” and “hating”… here you are hating and whining with the rest of us. You’re like one of them homophobic preachers sneaking off after church to get his dick sucked by a dude. You really broke my heart, Silk Boxer Man. You broke America’s heart. How do we know that it’s not “u” who “r sick”? Who needs to find a hobby, or a woman, or a gun (which is also a hobby)? And if anyone missed what I said at the beginning, you can read it again, it is still there, I will not repeat it. Still, u have disappointed us L. As well as ur-self. 4 eva. Eye shed a tear for U.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:41 a.m. CST

    I’m starting to smell conspiracy

    by Spifftacular Squirrel Girl

    This is obviously all Paul W.S. Anderson’s doing. I think he’s some sort of mad genuis where whenever someone makes a sequel to one of his movies (Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat, or AVP) that it’s genuinely a lot worse than his own movies and in that light makes them seem a little bit better than they really are.

    Should be only a matter of time after Death Race is released that Uwe Boll is shockingly signed on to direct the sequel.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:48 a.m. CST

    Eye shed a tear for U

    by otm shank

    LOL Vern thanks

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:56 a.m. CST

    dearest Vern

    by stueaben

    you went and watched avp -r… let me remind you of your post april 24th 2006: “You don’t have to take this shit. Don’t do it. If they make this movie, don’t ever watch it. I know it takes self control, but it can be done. I love them old ALIEN movies and I didn’t want to ruin it so I never watched that kiddy flick with the predators. And I am a better person for it spiritually and mentally. I recommend it to all of you. When it comes to aliens wrestling predators, abstinence is the way to go.”

    still, I’m glad that you did, so I don’t have to.

    oh, and by the way, Vern knows the cinema. Alien is a masterpiece.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:07 a.m. CST

    I can’t believe there is even a discussion…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    about if Alien is one of the most influential movies of the modern era. Then again there are people who think Die Hard 2,3 or 4 are better than the original. So I suppose I should just accept that some people should be just given their own internet, so they can play there and leave the real one alone…

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:10 a.m. CST

    Vern

    by Bloo

    great response to Silk Boxer Man, I’m still laughing

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:18 a.m. CST

    stueaben

    by Vern

    Good find there. I was so naive back then. It was a good way to live, though. You can sense it in my very typing, so full of energy and spirit. Then some time after that I hit a dark spot and I actually watched ALIEN VS. PREDATOR for some reason, and here we are now. I have also watched both FANTASTIC FOUR pictures. I should take my own advice. Thanks for the archival research.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:25 a.m. CST

    Ok, now what?

    by Scrolly

    So what do we do now? I’m mean we all hate this shit and it seems to be never ending (DH4 anyone?). How do we let the studios know this shit stinks? Vern?

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:25 a.m. CST

    AVB: Anderson vs Boll

    by zodiac1012

    I’m still waiting for this movie to be made.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:44 a.m. CST

    Scrolly

    by otm shank

    I guess the most straight forward way would be to trust your instinct and not go to the theater to see it. Wait eight months for it to be on cable. If money is all they care about, then a nice quick public death at the box office might wake them up. Because, I don’t think they care about anything else.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:45 a.m. CST

    How many times do they want to sidefuck this franchise?

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    I hope not a third time…

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3 a.m. CST

    Mr.Vess and Everyone

    by Mezzanine

    Thanks for the explanation. And to everyone else, sorry I fucked that one up. You’re right. This guy is a piece of shit.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:19 a.m. CST

    otm shank

    by Series7

    Man first of all I am up way too late reading this. But I just watched (2) terrible movies 1408 and The Tripper. Man why can’t directors just stay in their home country, Evil was an awesome movie. But your idea of trusting your instinct about movies goes right out the door for something like DH and AVP. Because we have that seed planted in our brain from childhood memories of the awesomeness of these movies, and a feeling of OH there is no way they could fuck this up. I know I am a sucker for big dumb action, I actually liked DH4, 3 is my favorite but I am smart enough to see that 1 is the best. Just like Batman forever is my favorite, but I can see that BB is the best. I am still not sure how I stand on AVPR. I think I just enjoyed it because I’ve been watching a lot of thinking and arty movies and when you watch too many of those in a row you just need some dumb action and AVPR hit the spot. Along with all the slasher flicks I’ve been catching up on, but after seeing The Tripper I’ll wait another ten years for slasher flicks to get good again. Seriously though, these movies are like drugs I can’t NOT go see them in theaters. No self control, you could probably tell me Bowel Movement was going to direct DHVAVP starring James Van Der Beek as the son of John McClane and Wooldoor Sockbat as the Predator and I would probably go see that (ehhh I probably wouldn’t but you get the point). But then again I have disposable income and lots of free nights, so it doesn’t really matter where I burn my money at.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:22 a.m. CST

    http://tinyurl.com/28lc7b

    by Jubba

    next time?? http://tinyurl.com/28lc7b

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:31 a.m. CST

    Also

    by Series7

    Think about when Fox releases a movie like Alvin and the Chipmunks and it makes fuck tons of money? Alvins Return will tank though (ala Garfield). So maybe AVPR will go the same way? But the more I think about FOX the more I wanna fucking stab them. DH4 released with an

    Gay G-13 rating. Their searchlight group hiding Sunshine and Daywatch. And yeah fuck fox. I like how Matt Groening takes shots at Fox all the time because they owe it to his show for saving them for a while. Did anyone else see that Futurama is going to start airing on Comedy Central next week? Man I can’t believe its happening. Now if we can only find a way to bring back Jay Sherman for him to tell Fox all their movies stink, like he did to Alien 3.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:51 a.m. CST

    Series 7

    by otm shank

    I know where your coming from. These movies have a very special place in my heart. Alien was the first (and in retrospect) one of the only movies that truely scared me. Granted I was ten when I saw it. Aliens is IMO close to as perfect a movie as i’ve ever seen and I never get tired of watching it. So many good lines. When my friends and I went to go see Predator we talked about that cool experience for weeks. Your right about Die Hard too. But these current incarnations of great franchises are simply not generating any excitement for me or my friends now sadly. I didn’t regret waiting to see DH4 uncut on HD pay per view and I doubt I’ll regret waiting for AVP-R on HD HBO. However, these guys make a R rated Alien/Predator movie set in the future on some distant planet with marines engaged in a full fledged shit storm…..I’m first in line.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 4:10 a.m. CST

    Alien 3 was the first and last nail in the coffin

    by BADBOYBROM HC

    Alien 3 was the film that killed this franchise. Absolute Dogshit, I can’t bring myself to watch it. I shake with anger when I think about it. Not seen requiem but the first one is a masterpiece compared to the 3rd alien entry. X

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 4:10 a.m. CST

    Xiphos

    by otm shank

    Be careful man your dating yourself by knowing what a drive in is. LOL I saw it on cable late at night with nobody else in the house. When Dallas turned around and the alien was there. My head hit the ceiling. I miss drive ins. Perfect place for a date.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:13 a.m. CST

    ZEMECKIS for The Hobbit, CUARON for Deathly Hallows

    by Vesuvio

    AND FUCK THIS FUCKING MOVIE. Alien OR Predator FOREVER.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Also . . .

    by Toulon

    Did anyone else notice that they were trying their HARDEST to referrence Alien with the Predator Homeworld? The Predator sitting in his chair, watching the ‘events’ on earth . . . did no one else think that chair looked a little TOO MUCH like the one with the Elephant skeleton with the burst chest? Just throwin it out there . . . ’cause if they really were trying for that, it’s just ONE MORE THING I was pissed off about!!

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:24 a.m. CST

    Vern

    by DocPazuzu

    Kudos. Nobody puts down talkbackers as effectively, painfully or hilariously as you do. I’m still laughing my ass off at your two examples in this TB.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 6:20 a.m. CST

    okay

    by dutch75

    So, all of you who claim to be fans but won’t see the movie because Vern and others butcher it need your fan card revoked. Whatever happened to going and seeing for yourselves? You know what, I was checking Rotten Tomatoes DAILY for two weeks prior to release, not to mention other sites, just to see if any reviews came out. One by one, they began to trickle, and each one was negative. Did I feel disappointed? Sure. But you know what, I wanted to make my own decision about the movie. I have been looking forward to this sequel for months, and after the first AVP (which I was VERY disappointed) I thought that anything could be better than that. My point? I’m glad I didn’t listen to everyone’s critiques. I went to see Requiem, and I was entertained. There are some bad ass scenes with the predator. Scenes that shouldn’t be missed if one is a fan of either franchise. I’m glad I got to see those instead of listening to all the negative shit and not seeing anything at all. Yes, the human characters are close to cringe-inducing. Yes, the plot is kind of stupid.

    Call me shallow or whatever, but the old sound effects when pred is in his vision modes were very nostalgic for me. The aliens in the darker lighting was actually more effective for me. I have mixed feelings about the hybrid. I guess for budget reasons they couldn’t do a queen. Whatever.

    Listen up fans: Go see this fucking movie. You will regret it one day in the future when it’s on TNT and you realize you should’ve seen it in the theater. It’s not great, probably not very good, but the scenes with pred are worth spending the money. At least for me.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 6:22 a.m. CST

    I almost forgot…

    by dutch75

    commence the “plant” or Fox “shill” bullshit…..

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 6:25 a.m. CST

    I love Alien 1,3 and 4

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    bur I have never cared for Aliens. I’m an odd one, aren’t I? Btw, Alien Tetrology set is the best DVD in my 400+ collection.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:03 a.m. CST

    Way ahead of you, dutch75.

    by DocPazuzu

    Check my earlier posts for tips on how to become a better plant.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Can you believe this fucker?

    by DocPazuzu

    “Listen up fans: Go see this fucking movie. You will regret it one day in the future when it’s on TNT and you realize you should’ve seen it in the theater.”

    Do I detect a hint of desperation?

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:10 a.m. CST

    Dear VadakinX…

    by metaluna

    Thanks! Now I can put that right next to my David Hasselhoff shrine.

    I’ve a better idea. Why don’t we just stop trying to develop shit ideas like rehashing dead franchises? There’s no surprise here – we know what the monsters look like and do. Just sticking them in a different scenario or location isn’t enough. No one since Aliens has propelled the story forward significantly with any originality or surprise, even Finchers effort. Name me one new thing that we didn’t know from Aliens? That predators inhabit the same universe? Yeh, thanks Fox. Thanks for bastardising one lame franchise (predator) and one semi okay one (aliens) into your frankenstein bastard child which dies every time it hits the light of day. Will you ever learn? Probably not. Cause every time the execs upstairs swap chairs they look in the cupboard and think ‘I know, let’s try rehashing this again’ instead of actually doing something more original because that would be seen as risky. What with the writers strike and impending directors strike, I sincerely hope that layer of film making in the US dies off because it never seems to learn or take a risk or two. No wonder Ridley Scott stays clear of this train wreck.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:33 a.m. CST

    DocPazuzu

    by dutch75

    Damn man. I find it so silly and pessimistic that anyone on this talkback who goes against the grain is labeled “plant”.

    Listen, I could give a shit less about Fox. If anything I’m pissed that the old AVP scripts were scrapped. I’m pissed that Hicks and Newt were killed off. I’m pissed that we will NEVER see movies like Aliens and Predator (1). I take what I can get man.

    I hated the first AVP. Mainly the hulking predators. WTF?

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:38 a.m. CST

    OOPS

    by dutch75

    Wasn’t finished with my post yet. I thought the aliens looked good in the first AVP though. Much better than in Requiem. I just thought the fight scenes were better and the sound effects brought me back to the 80’s (originals).

    It’s depressing that I can’t state an opinion with being labeled “plant”. I used to come to this site a lot. But after visiting other talkbacks I realize how fucking negative people are here. You guys go ahead and wallow in your misery. Me, I’m going to get entertained by cheesy cinema in hopes to recapture the past. Later douchebag.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:40 a.m. CST

    clarification

    by dutch75

    “I just thought the fight scenes were better and the sound effects brought me back to the 80’s (originals).” I’m talking about Requiem. Didn’t clarify in above post.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:53 a.m. CST

    Blade Runner…dull???

    by joergn

    Sorry man, Blade Runner is not just a one of the greatest Sci-Fi-Flics EVER, it´s also a great story about mankind and humanity at all (what makes a human and that psychological shit like that). Alien is just a well scripted B-Movie about a monster chasing people in a spaceship. Talk about dull. Zzz.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 8:33 a.m. CST

    SHIT,somehow I`m allways missing VERN

    by travis-dane

    great killing of Silkboxdude and Bill Clay.Have to stay up longer.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 8:34 a.m. CST

    I’ll never forgive Alien 3 for..

    by MasterShake

    I’ll never forgive Alien 3 for fucking over 3 characters I was so emotionally invested in from Aliens (Newt, Hicks and Bishop). All Alien related movies after Aliens are dead to me. The only way to fix that is to put fucking Aliens back in fucking space fighting fucking Space Marines armed with fucking M41A Pulse Rifles. How hard is that? Am I wrong that that movie would not make money? It seems like 90% of the fan base of this franchise is crying for that movie, and we get all this AVP shite. Jesus.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 9:30 a.m. CST

    I agree MasterShake

    by dutch75

    that fucked me over pretty good too. I can’t believe that happened. It was hard to focus on the movie after that shit happened.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 9:32 a.m. CST

    DAMN, PAZUZU

    by BringingSexyBack

    Who appointed you resident gardener? Chill out with the plant hunting.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 10:37 a.m. CST

    pwn3d

    by WhoDis

    http://tinyurl.com/2xmp75

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 10:41 a.m. CST

    “Whatever happened to going and seeing for yourselves?”

    by WhoDis

    If we did that for every movie that came out, every movie would make money, and the studios would keep churning shit out. If you absolutely need to see shit like this, then for god’s sake download it or rent it on DVD so your “vote” isn’t counted.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 10:58 a.m. CST

    An Ode to Vern

    by barrignite

    Im not even sure where to begin, Vern. Walking home after securing and seeing a premiere of Alien Ressurection in Glasgow was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life, only beaten to the top spot by the previous two hours.

    I was so sickened, so heart breakingly disappointed that this French fuckhead had wiped a dirty sanchez around the top lip of my franchise, MY FRANCHISE and left the legacy of Alien like a broken corpse in his wake.

    I am a man who has watched Aliens more times than is legally allowed to do and still have a girlfriend, collected and subcribed to the comics when they were out, gone to Alien War on its first day, bought an Atari Jaguar just to play the AvP game, bought hundreds of books on the films and even thought it would be cool to get an HR Giger tatoo on my back (in the end i settled for nothing as im a pussy).

    THIS movie, THIS 4th installment Alien Ressurection, was the beginning of the end for Alien AND Predator.

    I wholeheartedly feel that Tom Woodruff and Alec Gillis have a hand in all of this.

    Let it be written, a Rule of Thumb if you will, that when designing a creature, any creature, you leave its saggy breasts at the door. As if they were a pair of shoes that had recently been walked through dog shit. At what point did those two asswipes decide, “Yup, we’ve cracked it”? The stupid eyes (the very essence of an Alien is its lack of eyes)? The horned nose? The fucking miaowing? MIAOWING?

    Humour. Fuck you and fuck that. This isn’t AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. This is ALIEN 4. I dont need a dude with a comedy face picking his brain from the back of his skull. I dont need a pre-HELLBOY Perlman cracking off shitty one liners.

    Oh and I sure as hell dont need the Aliens themselves (drenched in a ridiculous amount of lighting that ensures any mystery about them is gone forever)fucking “talking” to each other like they were on Oprah’s sofa before killing one of themselves to escape. Aliens do. They dont think.

    So thanks but no thanks. There is never any need for a “Wacky” film or “Wacky” films in general. All films should be Wackless.

    Perhaps your next books should be on the Beethoven Trilogy or that wacky races rip-off starring Oscar Winner Cuba and Mr Bean.

    I like you Vern, i really do. I believe you’re a good writer and a Gee Whizz swell guy. But for fucksakes, think how much it hurts me to say that you admired Alien Ressurection. Its twisting the knife.

    Good day to you.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:07 a.m. CST

    What a pile….

    by directorsaab

    Like most people on this site, I am a film geek and I watch a lot of films at the theater, it’s basically my second home. That being said, this is the first film I have walked out of and asked for a refund in four years. I really can’t describe my hatred for this film, it seethes and bubbles over for everyone involved in making this film. I hope all of them suffer horrible career turns because of this piece of shit. Then again it’ll probably come in at number two or three at the b.o. almost assuring more vapid sequels. Memo to Shane Salerno, you’re an asshole for writing this piece of shit movie. I hope you get arthritis in your hands and are unable to write ever again. God I hated this film.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Just saw it and a note to hollywood ” edgy ” directors.

    by hallmitchell

    This movie had taken the A V P universe no where! What was gained from this movie? What’s the point?

    Can people please stop doing these fast take edits in action scenes? It’s cut so fast there is actually no action.

    This movie should have rocked. Point Blank – it didn’t.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Alien 3 and 4 – waste of time

    by hallmitchell

    I have a rule. If you see someone with a bald head in a sci fi movie,it will suck.

    E.g. Alien 3 and Star Trek the NON motion picture.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:57 a.m. CST

    by PedroM

    What the fuck kind of a name is Shane Shalermo?

    Is he trying to be a superhero or something?

    “Shane Shalermo to the rescue!

    I see a good script! LETS FUCK IT UP ALL THE WAY DOWN!

    Fuckin hack.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, noon CST

    http://tinyurl.com/yuglxp

    by ironic_name

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:07 p.m. CST

    AVP 1

    by WHAT_THEE_FUK

    I actually came home and watched the AVP dvd. AVP-R made the first AVP look like a great movie. At least it had a solid foundation and explained how all three species intertwined. AVP-R was shit on big time.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:40 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Plantanoia is total awareness. The price of the enjoyment of kicking inept plants in the ass, is eternal vigilance. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHOOP There it Iiiis…

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:49 p.m. CST

    dutch75

    by DocPazuzu

    Positive opinions on their own do not a plant make, as you well know. However, showing up for the first time ever on AICN in a talkback dealing with an almost universally hated flick spouting a plethora of clichéd plant tells in defense of said movie DOES make you a plant.

    Like “megpen” and a host of other Fox slaves you too will go missing in the talkbacks not long after AvP:Rectum vanishes from the theaters.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Why Cameron/Scott Will NEVER Touch This Series Again…

    by Graphix67

    REASON #1: FOX has so downgraded and whored-out the series that any “name” director would never lower themselves to the level that the series has become.

    REASON #2: Even in the event that Cameron or Scott had an itch to restore the franchise past-glory, FOX would just say: “We can crank-out an entire AvP-3 movie for nearly less than it would take to pay either Cam or Scott’s asking-price just to direct a legit sequel to the original series.”

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:01 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by DocPazuzu

    Who appointed you Ahmadinejad’s dick sucker? Sometimes we just have to heed our calling.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:02 p.m. CST

    We’ve gone over the plant thing before

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    The KGB they are not. Their training programme is amateur, their methods hackneyed and pathetic, their tactical and strategic understanding of the situation virtually nonexistent. A major overhaul of studio plant training and recruitment is required to give us a challenge. The resources are there, but not the intelligence. What the plants need now is a leader.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:15 p.m. CST

    After seeing AVP-R David Fincher’s Alien 3

    by ewokstew

    Is now officially a cinematic milestone in the Alien lineage compared to Resurrection and the AVP films. Seriously, go watch the quadrilogy cut and see what I mean.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    the assembly cut of Alien 3

    by Jarek

    Is really good. Definitely a strong film.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Sorry to offend you, barrignite

    by Vern

    Just stating the facts. I like the movie. I personally believe ALIEN is a masterpiece and ALIENS is the perfect sequel. ALIEN 3 and ALIEN RESURRECTION are just sequels that I enjoy because they try interesting things, whether or not those things always work (which they don’t). Nothing can touch the first two, and the more they make sequels and video games and dolls and pajamas the more they dilute the power of the monster. But since they did make those two sequels I appreciate that they chose good directors and let them take risks instead of just doing lesser rehashes of ALIENS like people expected.

    There’s something wrong about the look of the hybrid baby, but it’s not the eyes. To me that’s what made that idea worth doing is the eyes. In ALIEN it was the perfect, most inhuman monster. In ALIENS, by necessity, they turned them into cannon fodder. In ALIEN 3 they became a special effect composited into the shots. By the time of RESURRECTION they’re just animals that you plow down with guns, they had lost their strength. So I think it was ingenious to make one that had humanity so that when we kill it (something now commonplace in the series) we feel bad for it (a first for the series).

    And Ripley! Man, Sigourney Weaver is great in that movie. She’s actually kind of scary.

    I appreciate that you hated it and obviously I’m not gonna talk you into not being offended by it, but that’s what I liked about it, its willingness to take the series to new and unexpected places.

    And that’s part of what I like about ALIENS too. People tend to forget about it, the movie being more than 20 years old, but at the time ALIENS was a huge change from ALIEN. Suddenly it’s a rah-rah action movie with marines and multiple aliens getting blown away. And they added a whole new stage of the alien life cycle. Of course, it was more effective than the other two sequels and it had the advantage of being the first sequel. But still, that’s what I always hope for in an ALIEN sequel: a new director who changes things up and brings the series to new places.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Holy shit! ImYerNumber1Fan and DocPazuzu are my new heroes!

    by Billyeveryteen

    Nice gardening boys.
    Vern’s problem with Blade Runner… not enough ‘sploshuns. Alien and Aliens had lotz, weeeeee!

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:29 p.m. CST

    OK, I’ve invested far too much time in these TBs…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    Last night, and I am not making this shit up, I had a dream that was essentially a movie based on these last two AvP talkbacks. There was a montage sequence featuring various talkbackers – the guy who originally connected Salerno and that initial TBer was dressed in a Sherlock Holmes outfit, Pazuzu was in a gym ala 70s Rocky working out to be ready for the beat down, Vern was Fonzie, I was getting head from two hot chicks (hey it is my dream).

    There was even a side storyline about Salerno trying to get a hooker from Lois’ Classy Hookers, only they had caller-id and wouldn’t answer the phone because none of the girls would go over there, becuase he made them read his Wiki entry while he had a orange in his mouth and a bag over his head and he masturbated furiously. They also wouldn’t answer the phone when the caller id said ‘McWeeney’ because he made them put on a fat suit and a ginger fright wig and he did them from behind while screaming ‘Who’s ya daddy now bitch’.

    I am not making this shit up, this is what I dreamed.

    Eventually we got to Salerno in his home office, which was covered with posters of classic movies like Casablanca and Citizen Kane, in which he had taped his name over the actual writers name in the credits at the bottom of the posters.

    Anyway frustarted at his inability to get a hooker, he starts googleing himself and ends up at the TB, and that is where I was woken up by the wife… I actually jotted this shit down in a notebook so I wouldn’t forget it.

    So there you go, I am officially fucked up…

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:41 p.m. CST

    I don’t know, Xiphos…

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    DocPaz et al. and I have practically waved their hilarious incompetence in their faces with mocking glee on several occasions, and the only thing that I’ve seen they’ve done about it is to increase their numbers, so that instead of virtually all of Talkbackerdom concentrating a world-class ass-handing on one plant (though that still happens), now it’s like talkbackers getting in a firing line and clearing out a wall of dense foliage with gunship cannons and grenade launchers Predator-style. [King Leonidas voice] Your numbers mean NOTHING in this place!

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Alonzo, your twisted subconscious world…

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    is pretty damn funny.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:52 p.m. CST

    This talkback inspired me to rewatch AvP

    by caruso_stalker217

    And I forgot how much it pisses me off. When it comes to the ALIEN pictures or PREDATOR I would never think of myself as a “fanboy” or something like that. But you wouldn’t know that by the way I was yelling and cursing at my television last night. I feel like I’m starting to fit right in here at the ol’ AICN.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:52 p.m. CST

    “AHMADINEJAD’S DICK SUCKER”

    by BringingSexyBack

    Real mature.

    Message for Harry: Check out the latest Star magazine. There are pics of Hayden Panetierre in a bikini. Sweet sweet stuff …

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:58 p.m. CST

    HEY VERN – HERE’S A PIC OF CARRIE HENN

    by BringingSexyBack

    She’s gotten mostly chunky … mostly.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 2:58 p.m. CST

    SORRY HERE IS THE LINK

    by BringingSexyBack

    http://tinyurl.com/2s7kw4 Carrie Henn today

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:01 p.m. CST

    I’d hit it

    by caruso_stalker217

    More cushion for the pushin’, right?

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:01 p.m. CST

    FOR ANYONE WHO HASN’T WATCHED ALIENS WITH COMMENTARY

    by BringingSexyBack

    You owe it to yourself to do so now. Michael Biehn, Carrie Henn, Bill Paxton, Jeanette Goldstein and Lance Henrikson are fucking hilarious together. The only think missing is Sigourney. Funniest line I heard was Paxton saying he was trying to act “Michael Biehn” (aka tough)

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Cursing aloud at a movie, caruso?

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Now you just need bag of Doritos and you’ll be just fine here. I may not give much of a fuck about a lot of things film-related, but this is aliens and predator! Potentially a kickass time at the theater, and THAT was what we get? So give in to the hate, let the anger feed you, and you are well on the way to the dark side, which between reviews like Vern’s and the hilarious talkbacks, is a damn fun place to be. [cue ESPN music] This. Is. AICN Talkback.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:02 p.m. CST

    I only have ALIENS on VHS

    by caruso_stalker217

    I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:05 p.m. CST

    I like the Cooler Ranch

    by caruso_stalker217

    Best Doritos on the market, in my opinion.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:05 p.m. CST

    YOU CAN’T HIT CARRIE HENN

    by BringingSexyBack

    She’ll always be the sweet Aliens kid. That would be wrong …

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:07 p.m. CST

    If I close my eyes, though

    by caruso_stalker217

    I could imagine she’s the chubby mail lady.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:08 p.m. CST

    XIPHOS

    by BringingSexyBack

    I once had a business meeting with a PR executive (not my field) and he was explaining to me something called “perception management” on the Internet, which basically boils down to bullshitting people through undercover means. In the movie biz, I imagine that being a widespread dissemination of plants on sites like this. It’s big business. This asshole makes a lot of money bullshitting people.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:10 p.m. CST

    CARUSO – NETFLIX THE MOVIE TODAY

    by BringingSexyBack

    Disclaimer: I don’t work for Netflix.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:12 p.m. CST

    If got the Netflix, so I ought to

    by caruso_stalker217

    It’s the only ALIEN picture I’ve never seen on DVD.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:13 p.m. CST

    Xiphos

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    I suppose you can take solace in the fact that the principle of evolution cuts both ways. If the plants become better, it just means that we become sharper, tougher, and meaner in rooting them out. As long as there are legitimate reasons to hate a bad movie, those who try to subvert an objective critical assessment on the boards play a dangerous game no matter how improved their talkback-fu, so that although challenging, they can still be brought down at least as long as we have sharp, stalwart talkbackers such as we do.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:16 p.m. CST

    PLANTS WILL NEVER WIN AND HERE’S THE REASON WHY ….,

    by BringingSexyBack

    You have to be honest and passionate about your opinions in order for you to be able to sway others with them. Hired guns can never hold a conversation long enough, with enough conviction, to do that.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:24 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    ’nuff said.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:33 p.m. CST

    PREDATOR VS. E.T.

    by BringingSexyBack

    on a train!

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:34 p.m. CST

    CHOLERA

    by BringingSexyBack

    Thanks bud

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Okay, but it has to end…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …with E.T. battling the predator in the last car. Before our little buddy dispatches the bastard with a grenade or something, he should say “Phone home? Phone HELL!” Then he could jump away from the resulting explosion in slow-motion. Total “hero” shot.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:40 p.m. CST

    XIPHOS

    by BringingSexyBack

    I figure the only way for the studios to be able to convince TBers to give their product a chance is to have the stars/directors come out, be honest about who they are, and talk to us. Remember when Demon Dave came around and wanted to do unspeakable things to Vern’s taint? We hated the fucker but goddamn if he didn’t engender some respect for sticking it out on the TBs. He never shied away and even made friends with Vern and Juggfuckler (where is that guy?). And Stallone and Willis coming to the boards. That’s what they have to do. Just be honest, not send some PR flack to go ‘undervcover’. That’s just sad.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:41 p.m. CST

    Also

    by caruso_stalker217

    PvET is pretty catchy.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:43 p.m. CST

    CARUSO

    by BringingSexyBack

    I was kidding about ET but that scene would be fucking awesome. I’d pay to watch that.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:45 p.m. CST

    TURN ON YOUR HEARTLIGHT

    by BringingSexyBack

    Let it make a happy glow for all the world to see … *sniff*

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:46 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by caruso_stalker217

    I would KILL to watch that.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:51 p.m. CST

    E.T. could say “You left me no choice, brother.”

    by caruso_stalker217

    Leading to confusion as to whether he meant it literally or not.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 3:52 p.m. CST

    I’D LIKE FOR BOB SHAYE TO COME HERE AND EXPLAIN HIS POSITION

    by BringingSexyBack

    Oh the anal rape that would ensue … would make Guantanamo look like Miami Beach …

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 4:24 p.m. CST

    I was just thinking

    by caruso_stalker217

    About that idea people were putting forth of having an ALIENS VS. PREDATOR movie without people. I second that motion. Werner Herzog could direct.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Alonzo

    by DocPazuzu

    Hilarious!

    What makes your dream even funnier is knowing that Salerno is actually reading these boards and gnashing his teeth in impotent rage.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 4:39 p.m. CST

    ‘Cholera & Xiphos

    by DocPazuzu

    There actually is an evolution of sorts in play with the plants. However, its sluggishness and obvious limitations makes the plants even more fun to eviscerate.

    An example is how plants were derided for the longest time for not being able to speak geek. After enough time went by (and enough PR meetings were held) we’d start seeing plant reviews and posts using “hip” expressions that were ever-so-slightly stale and forced.

    Same thing with profanity. They were mocked for their PC language and finally started posting stuff with mild, PG-13-style cursing, but never anything sexual or entering Rated R territory.

    I find myself shifting between very amused contempt at their stupidity and incompetence, and a profound rage at the notion that they think they can pull shit off like that here.

    THIS! IS! TALKBAAAAAAACK!!!!

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Prime examples:

    by DocPazuzu

    Here are the two of the most plantastic reviews I have EVER seen on AICN. You will notice the same shameless whoring and tactics you see in most similar reviews and posts. Prepare to be entertained and enraged in equal measure:

    Tokyo Drift: http://tinyurl.com/3exat5

    Doom: http://tinyurl.com/2p7qwy

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Does anyone remember?

    by DocMHumphrey

    I remember watching the previews and teasers for “Alien 3” and they showed Dillion yelling “Run, Newt, run as fast as you can!”

    This got me super-hyped for the film knowing that they would bring back the characters. Does anyone remember this or have any reference to it? It is very clear for me as I remember the let down and the confusion.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:04 p.m. CST

    He said “Run, Jude”

    by caruso_stalker217

    Jude was the Italian guy.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:07 p.m. CST

    y’know what, v-man?

    by DAS JANKE

    i have never, ever, read a review that so totally encompasses what i feel about movie as i have just now. i tip my hat to you, kind sir. cheerio.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:28 p.m. CST

    I like Tokio Drift and DOOM,gulp…

    by travis-dane

    I dont know what to say to defend myself!But I am not ashamed!I will SURVIVE!The reviews are the SHITS!

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:36 p.m. CST

    “Semper Fi, motherFUCKer!”

    by caruso_stalker217

    Best line from DOOM. Actually, I thought the movie was just mediocre for the most part. Then the POV scene came up and the whole thing crashed to a halt. Only Tom Arnold and Anthony Anderson could have salvaged that piece of shit.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Zom-Bot

    by Sappers Forward

    You wrote: “but, it is another unfortunate installment. more disappointing and sad than anger inducing, by this point.

    if you aren’t going to see it, and don’t care for the crossover idea to begin with- then why be so mad? just shows you like to be part of a team or something, how original. I wasn’t happy with AVPR, but it’s fun to try and critique without alluding to teabagging. i just don’t see the similarities”

    Ok, the reason I’m angry over this travesty is because, as Vern pointed out and you some how completely missed, is that it destroyed everything good the franchise had going for it. Just didn’t do the saga any justice at all. They’re just trying to make a quick buck. It totally sucked. This brings me to my second point. What else totally sucks? Getting old nasty donkey balls in your mouth (I can only imagine). You however, don’t see that sucking do you? Hmmmm. Finally, I’d rather be a part of a team rather than an individual. A team is a group of people that work together for a common goal. An individual is a self centered selfish son of a bitch that cares only for himself. I get it Zom-bot, you’re an individual, fight the power, down with the system, hate the man,..blah blah blah…

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Did I say “only”?

    by caruso_stalker217

    I meant “not even.”

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:43 p.m. CST

    DocPaz,

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    You put this whole plant situation into very clear and practical terms. And thanks for documenting those reviews, because they are, after all this time, absolutely hilarious…and enraging!

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:50 p.m. CST

    Plants

    by otm shank

    You guys are correct in how easy they are to spot. It’s like dropping a elitist white guy into the middle of the hood and listening to him try and talk his way out. aaaaaa…..hey there aaaaaaa……homies…..you brothas know where I can find a phone so I can call my biaaach to come pick my ass up?

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:51 p.m. CST

    I like Tokoyo Drift

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    It was a terrible movie in all the best ways. It was stylishly directed and had an above average social awareness. Furthermore, it features Sonny Chiba. ‘Nuff Said.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 5:53 p.m. CST

    The “First Person” shooter sequence in DOOM…

    by travis-dane

    was AWESOME!Best thing in the movie.I still miss megpen,but dutch75 is a good substitute.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 6:05 p.m. CST

    When it’s Vern…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …longer is better. I’m sure there weren’t any homosexual undercurrents in that statement. Anyway, short Vern reviews just don’t feel right.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Yep,caruso_stalker217 is right.

    by travis-dane

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Verns take…

    by otm shank

    on some of the Predators being lower class fills me with intrigue. Maybe they could do a Predator C.O.P.S episode where two pred officers get called to the local mobile home complex to arrest a drunk jobless pred who has been smacking his pregnant girlfriend around because “she aint been acting right”. Could be interesting.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:22 p.m. CST

    IT’S TRUE CARUSO – VERN HAS THE LONGEST, BIGGEST AND HARDEST

    by BringingSexyBack

    -hitting reviews around. very enjoyable.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:33 p.m. CST

    I would take it in the ass

    by caruso_stalker217

    from Vern any day. His reviews, I mean. I would take his reviews in the ass.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 7:45 p.m. CST

    VERN’S EASY TO TAKE AND MAKES IT EASY TO DIGEST

    by BringingSexyBack

    his reviews because his casual prose and comedic style are enjoyable and accessible to all. And he’s proven himself to be well-informed, making him a great critic as opposed to someone who’s just stating an opinion.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 9:04 p.m. CST

    I think

    by Series7

    I called it when I said like a couple of AVPR previews ago that the AVP series brings the biggest hatred and discussion of all geek films of recent. Also otm shank Aliens was the first and probably the biggest scary movie of my life.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 9:34 p.m. CST

    Blade Runner vs. Alien

    by zooch

    I love both films, but Blade Runner is superior, far more groundbreaking, far more thought provoking. Blade Runner’s script has a lot more going on than Alien and the ideas are MUCH more interesting and definitely not boring. The beginning of Alien is quite dull, it doesn’t really get going until the exploding chest scene, compare that to Blade Runner’s brilliant opening sequence. Also the special effects in Alien sometimes look too much like a “man in a rubber costume” while Blade Runner’s effects still hold up to this day. Blade Runner is truely a piece of art on film, one you can get lost in, never ever boring. Alien is not even as good as its sequel.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 10:35 p.m. CST

    “Alien is not even as good as its sequel.”

    by caruso_stalker217

    That’s an insane statement, zooch. And it’s bullshit.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:22 p.m. CST

    My nomination for greatest ever plant review…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    http://tinyurl.com/2629aw

    Let me quote “America is about to fall head-over-heels in love with a bunch of hardened convicts. I not only cared about each and every member of the Mean Machine team, I grew to love, appreciate and root for them all in under an hour and forty five minutes time.”

    I would also like to present exhibit B “There is such a warmth generated by the team’s camaraderie it’s absolutely contagious. The casting of each of these roles is dead on. Nelly and ex-football player Michael Irvin concerned me before seeing it. I assumed their lack of acting experience might hurt the movie. Man, was I wrong. They both fill their characters with heart, likability, humor. Megget and Moss are the definition of cool and really fun to watch. In the summer tons of kids playing football will be fighting over who gets to be Megget and who gets to be Moss. Paramount give your entire casting department a bonus this year. They deserve it.”

    And that is just in the first fucking paragraph…

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:31 p.m. CST

    How about this little nugget:

    by caruso_stalker217

    “Courtney, trust me when I tell you this, your husband is a buffoon. Dump his ass and come crash at my pad. Don’t forget to bring your breasts though, ‘kay?” Good lord.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:49 p.m. CST

    I remember reading that review…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    And just shaking my head at just how stupid they obviously thought we were…

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:52 p.m. CST

    As for the Alien script…

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    You do know that most of the first act is a structured improv…right? There is a long and convoluted history to the screenplay for STARBEAST (aka Alien). That said, it is an amusing touch to end AVPdashR in the same way Starbeast author Dan O’Bannon ended RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD.

  • Dec. 29, 2007, 11:53 p.m. CST

    Also, I was called a plant more than once

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    when I used to review flicks here (before moving on to be a staffer for b-d and collider).

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 12:11 a.m. CST

    Wow

    by otm shank

    To think one of my favorite films of all time could have been called STARBEAST. StarBREAST would be ok but starbeast…..

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:02 a.m. CST

    AVP-R is a great movie

    by Mr Ten

    Unfortunately the above statement is a bad joke. This movie is a piece of shit in the most disturbing way, yet so predictable.

    If they do a 3rd film and think that the only thing to make it look good is to set it in space, it won’t be enough. I’m sure they have the talent to do another AVP in space in the future that is total garbage. They have the power to do it, I’m afraid.

    I won’t give my 2 cents on AVP-Rectum because lots of you summed it up very well.

    As for the guy who said the first part of Alien is “dull” and only get going until the exploding chest : It’s funny because for me, this is the exact opposite. I really like the atmosphere and strange mood in the first part of the movie. We are entering an unknown word, i love it. Then the Alien appears. Great design but then the movie becomes a “slasher” (one of the very first, mind you) and it’s a bit less interesting for my taste. I still like this part as well, but for me it’s the first part where the movie shines.

    Well everybody has different feelings…

    And as a final grunt, I want to say to the world that I will be directing a full length next year (after a few shorts) with a low budget (I’m in Switzerland and strangely money is hard to get for movies) but it’s going to kick ass. I have other projects afterwards that i hope i’ll be able to direct, then after some time conquering the world of movies I’ll try to get my dirty hands on Alien or Predator or both at the same time and do these classics justice! Mark my words.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:09 a.m. CST

    Alonzo Mosely, I love you.

    by ironic_name

    turn on your heart-light
    go chesapeake marauders!
    ¡ɥɐzznɥ
    [sʎɐp ǝsǝɥʇ ʎ1snoıɹǝs uǝʞɐʇ buıǝq ɹoɟ 1ɐıʇuǝssǝ sı uʍop ǝpısdn buıʇıɹʍ]
    hiyabusa!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:32 a.m. CST

    Mr Ten

    by hamslime

    Good luck to you in your film exploits. As far as the Alien, Predator, or any franchise, book, video game goes…well. I’m afraid the only way Hollywood greenlights adaptations is if it has nothing to do with the source material. The only exceptions are movies like AvP, Masters of the Universe, or Terminator 3, where you essentially have a romantic comedy with your favorite action characters shoe-horned in to sell idiots like us more tickets. Now, what I propose is a quaint story about a geek in high school. He has trouble getting the girl because of his parents refusal to let him shop at The Gap. That is until one fatefull day when Snake Plisskin moves in next door…

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:39 a.m. CST

    caruso_stalker217 you know it’s true!

    by zooch

    The power-loader scene alone beats anything in any Alien movie.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:43 a.m. CST

    Seriously though

    by hamslime

    I wouldn’t lower yourself to doing franchise films anyway. We need all the original voices in film we can get. There’s plenty Bay’s and Paul W.S.’s out there that can do the shitty sequels, and half assed adaptations. Stick with your own ideas so Brett Ratner has something to remake in ten years. I hope to see your film soon. Hope it’s good!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:58 a.m. CST

    P.I.N.O.

    by dannydevito

    Predator in name only.

    p.s. Any of you guys think that the Predator has a big one?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 4:15 a.m. CST

    Jeunet fan

    by MotherPussBucket

    Was I the only person that enjoyed Alien Resurrection? It was stated by another reviewer that Jeunet couldn’t communicate with the actors, but many of the actors had worked with Jeunet before like Ron Perlman in City of Lost Children and Dominique Pinon in every single Jeunet film. I think that maybe it helps to enjoy Alien Resurrection if you’ve taken a look at Jeunet’s other movies like CoLT, Delicatessen and even Amelie (all excellent). Once you know the director’s work, you can easily separate what is Jeunet and what is studio in AR. AR showed some great characters in the true spirit of the Alien movies, which is maybe why they picked Jeunet. The action side of the movie is more akin to AVP-R. I hope that the next AVP movie will have balanced character direction and that the director will be allowed to direct the WHOLE movie.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 4:46 a.m. CST

    I’m with ya MotherPussBucket

    by hamslime

    I never understood the hate for Alien 3, or Alien Resurrection. It may be due to the fact that those were the ones I saw first run in the theatres (I was 2 and 9 for the first two though I did watch them on cable). You can also file Tarantino, Kevin Smith, and Darron Arronofsky movies under the “I don’t get the hate” banner, but that’s my taste and I still enjoy them regardless.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:01 a.m. CST

    Tokyo Drift is the worst movie ever made

    by Vesuvio

    Being the very reasonable guy I am, this is one of the very few certainties I have in life. Plus, Mr. Ten is his own plant.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:02 a.m. CST

    In all fairness, Truffaut might like this film

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    because it fits in quite nicely with his distaste for adaptations, which he viewed as less than art because they were only imitations of the source material. Since this film clearly disregards its’ source material…it is in effect better in a French New Wave sense.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:07 a.m. CST

    HIgh School Musical vs Aliens & Predator

    by wazza

    You know it would be a money spinner

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:16 a.m. CST

    Zooch, you fool

    by caruso_stalker217

    You forget that the first hour of ALIENS is essentially Bill Paxton bragging about his big dick and the marines hooting in agreement. True, turns out later that they’re all a bunch of posers when the aliens kick their asses and Hudson reveals himself as the pussy he truly is (which is understandable, under the circumstances). So, yeah, it’s a solid film. It’s a damn good film. But it’s also what made this ALIEN shit popular. It’s what made it a “franchise.” It made a shitload of money. Everybody thought it was cool because of the big guns and Paxton’s dick and the queen was pretty badass. Then, when Fox decided to make a third one to make more money everybody got pissed because the two-dimensional characters of Hicks and Newt were killed off before the movie even starts and Ripley spent the whole film depressed and nobody shot any real big guns at the alien. And the film was never truly finished anyway due to general fuckery on Fox’s part. So thanks, fuckers. Now I spend my days defending ALIEN 3 from these cocksuckers with their ALIEN lunchboxes and shit.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 6:21 a.m. CST

    L-O-V-E-D LOVED IT!!!!! :D

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    AvP2 was a fantastic butt-kicking film! And so WRONG in so many good ways:
    Little boys and their dads getting chest-bursted…
    Pregnant women getting Alien-raped with multiple eggs down their throats IN A MATERNITY WARD…
    A whole town being told to go to the town square for an airlift, just so they can be corralled for a nuclear air strike!!!
    That’s just SO wrong, and I was constantly shaking my head thinking, “That’s just WRONG… and BAD… and just NOT RIGHT! So why am I ENJOYING this so MUCH???”
    Because it’s Aliens vs. Predators and they’re doing really nasty, evil things no human should ever have to experience and I was seeing all of the weird, cool things that SHOULD have been in the first film, but were sliced out so they could pump out a “family-friendly” PG-13 AvP film.
    Sorry, but “family-friendly” in a AvP movie is when a father and son get butchered on a hunting trip and multiple women are forced to give birth to multiple Alien worms all at once! It’s WRONG, it’s SICK and it’s just what this film needed to be in order to make up for its predecessor.
    AvP… All is forgiven. :)

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 6:46 a.m. CST

    Who is this fucking clown?

    by caruso_stalker217

    “That’s just WRONG… and BAD… and just NOT RIGHT! So why am I ENJOYING this so MUCH???” Hey, we’ve all jerked off to Blue’s Clues, pal. Get over yourself.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 7:54 a.m. CST

    I thought it was great….

    by Geeker McGhee

    I’m having a very tough time understanding why so many people are busting out the torches and pitchforks and saying it was the worst movie of all time/of the year/whatever. Why do so many of you expect ‘Saving Private Ryan’ out of a $40 million SciFi romp? I am no big fan of either of the two series, and I really, really liked it. I really felt for the charactes, and wanted to see the guy from Rescue Me et al. survive the whole thing, but I must be in the minority because all I see is people bitching about how hollow the acting is or how weak the storyline is, or how much they hate the teenage element. I am gonna go out on a limb here and guess the haters are rabid fans of one of the franchises, but to a casual fan, or even just someone looking for a good SciFi matinee – Here’s your film. ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’ it ain’t, thankfully….Wait til DVD, I’m sure many of you whose expectations were unreachable for this one will grow to like it. I just watched AVP for comparison last night, and AVP-R does a fine job besting the former. I am getting a vibe from reading different fansites that the Alien fans are pissed that this is a Predator-centric film. I can’t understand who really cheers for the Aliens to win – it’s like cheering for termites to infest your house….

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Lotsa My Geek Peeps Liked It Lots

    by LaserPants

    I’m not gonna waste my money on this piece of crap cause I hated the first one, and reckon anything that is cool I can catch on cable or dvd later on, but lots of my geek peeps dug the sequel. They were over the moon about the baby killings, apparently.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Guess what you get…

    by DocPazuzu

    …when you do a search for “Geeker McGhee” and “aintitcool” on Google?

    That’s right! Zip!

    Although a search was really unnecessary based simply on:

    1) “I am no big fan of either of the two series, and I really, really liked it.”

    2) “I really felt for the characters, and wanted to see the guy from Rescue Me et al. survive the whole thing”

    3) “to a casual fan, or even just someone looking for a good SciFi matinee – Here’s your film.”

    4) “I just watched AVP for comparison last night, and AVP-R does a fine job besting the former.”

    5) using the phrase “SciFi romp”.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Geeker McGhee; TheGhostWhoLurks

    by dutch75

    Glad to see some you guys enjoyed the movie for what it was: brainless sci-fi fun. I’m sure you already know this, but be prepared to receive “plant” accusations from here on out. Some of these fucking losers have nothing better to do then “plant hunt” and I find it very amusing how convicted they are in their beliefs. Especially when I’m a middle class young guy (kid of the 80’s) whose favorite actor is Arnold and favorite film ever is a tie between Predator(1) and Aliens. So it amuses me that when I enjoy the movie the basement losers label me as “plant”. It’s amusing yet a little scary; sometimes I wonder what these fuckers would do to you in a dark alley. Kind of cultist.

    Nonetheless, I’m glad you guys enjoyed it. I’ll probably go see it again!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Oh, look!

    by DocPazuzu

    Look who just popped out of the woodwork to defend “Geeker McGhee”!

    Why, it’s dutch75!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Good God DocPazuzu

    by dutch75

    What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t you have anything better to do? It’s assholes like you that corrupt all these fucking sheep at this site. Goddamn one can’t even state their fucking opinion without losers googling their name in their rabid zealousness to unearth the hated “plant”. It’s fucking ironic the very minute I was posting my above post you were calling out yet another “plant” (with scary like zeal to boot). Get a life and shut your fucking sperm trap up.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:25 a.m. CST

    sorry

    by dutch75

    OK I got a little pissed off above so sorry for the insult. You probably don’t give a shit anyway but there is no need for me to speak like that.

    Anyways bud, I stand by what I said regarding your aggressiveness on the subject. Maybe our tastes are just different? Could that be possible? That perhaps, maybe I DID enjoy the movie?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:32 a.m. CST

    “It’s assholes like you…

    by DocPazuzu

    …that corrupt all these fucking sheep at this site.”

    You will notice that I didn’t go after TheGhostWhoLurks, who happens to be a reg here. His taste may be questionable, but that’s another matter.

    I’m more interested in the patently phony posters like you “and” Geeker McGhee “and” megpen who just happen to debut in AvP-Rectum talkbacks using the odious, market-researched cockspeak we all know, hate and are offended by.

    I mean honestly, how fucking more desperate can you get when you state your stats (“I’m a middle class young guy (kid of the 80’s) whose favorite actor is Arnold and favorite film ever is a tie between Predator(1) and Aliens.”) in an obvious attempt to alert similar readers to the film and hopefully get more asses in seats?

    You’re fucking pathetic. I should have your job, you moron, because obviously you’re no good at it..

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:36 a.m. CST

    Ouch.

    by DocPazuzu

    “OK I got a little pissed off above so sorry for the insult. You probably don’t give a shit anyway but there is no need for me to speak like that.”

    Oops, stepped a bit outside of the boundaries set up at the last meeting, eh? Mustn’t open ourselves to litigation, yes?

    The boardroom may be PG-13 or you may need an accompanying adult, but this is TalkBack. Until you people understand the ground rules here, you will NEVER make headway with us.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:41 a.m. CST

    By the way, dutch75…

    by DocPazuzu

    …I like how you refer to people at this site as “fucking sheep” waiting to be “corrupted.”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:42 a.m. CST

    I JUST WATCHED FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY LAST NIGHT

    by BringingSexyBack

    and it easily best AVP too!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:45 a.m. CST

    OKAY YOU PLANTOIDS

    by BringingSexyBack

    The only way to convince anyone you’re not a plant is to tell Pazuzu to fuck his mama in the ass like he does every Friday night. Go ahead, prove it!!!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:47 a.m. CST

    I JUST WATCHED THE DOCUMENTARY “HELVETICA”

    by BringingSexyBack

    about the history of this venerable font, and it easily bested AVP too!!!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:48 a.m. CST

    I JUST WATCHED MY POOP SWIRL DOWN THE TOILET

    by BringingSexyBack

    and it was on par with AVP.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:48 a.m. CST

    But Dutch75

    by Vern

    You gotta admit “I really felt for the characters” was way overdoing it. I mean I could buy that you might be a first-time poster who happens to like this movie. Maybe, maybe not. But the idea of somebody claiming to “really feel for” these characters is pretty far-fetched. And your screen name is better, it references PREDATOR. The other guy is just “I don’t know, what do you call a geek? How about Geeker McGhee”?

    Take a creative writing class, fella.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:50 a.m. CST

    I WATCHED E.T. LAST NIGHT ON ABC FAMILY

    by BringingSexyBack

    and I shit you not, I cried. Can’t say the same for Predator.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:51 a.m. CST

    DocPazuzu

    by dutch75

    Proved my point precisely. You’re warped my friend:

    “I mean honestly, how fucking more desperate can you get when you state your stats (“I’m a middle class young guy (kid of the 80’s) whose favorite actor is Arnold and favorite film ever is a tie between Predator(1) and Aliens.”) in an obvious attempt to alert similar readers to the film and hopefully get more asses in seats?”

    That is dedication, and though you may lack any other commendable skills, I commend you on that. Good job.

    What can I say? I am outed thanks to you. Yea Gods, you just wouldn’t quit! Thanks to you the suits at Fox will let me go. Maybe then (when I’ll have more time) I can join you and your crusade to STOP THESE HORRIBLE PLANTS! WE CAN WORK TOGETHER DOC, AND ONLY TOGETHER CAN WE SAVE THE WORLD! GODSPEED MY FRIEND!

    I must confess it’s been fun playing with you, but I must move on to more stimulating talks.

    Happy Hunting my young crusader!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:54 a.m. CST

    I haven’t seen E.T. in years

    by caruso_stalker217

    But I remember that it moved me as a child. And this was back in the day when the cops could still hold guns.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:56 a.m. CST

    IRONICALLY E.T. AND AVP WERE ON ADJACENT CHANNELS LAST NIGHT

    by BringingSexyBack

    I couldn’t bear to watch AVP for more than 2 minutes. So stupid. E.T. was/is engrossing and moving.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:58 a.m. CST

    AND I WASN’T KIDDING ABOUT “HELVETICA”

    by BringingSexyBack

    It’s a pretty good doc. Vern, you should watch and review it.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:59 a.m. CST

    “You are one ugly mother–”

    by caruso_stalker217

    Did Paul Anderson really think we wanted to hear that line in AVP? And what was that shit with Ewen Bremner whining about his kids all the time? Is that was passes for character development in PWSA’s world? I think he also wanted to recall the looks of THE THING. All those people in icy rooms holding flares… fuck you, Paul.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Vern

    by dutch75

    I don’t deny that might be overdoing it. While I enjoyed the movie, the characters were merely cardboard to me. I really didn’t care about them, save for the hot blond (and only her because she’s hot).

    Listen, I’m not afraid to admit that it doesn’t take much to entertain me, thus my enjoyment of Requiem. Like I said in an earlier post, something is better than nothing (in my opinion). I realized after the first AVP that we would never see anything of the same caliber as the originals. I’ve accepted this and can live with it. Also, upon seeing Requiem, my expectations were significantly lower due to the negative reviews cropping up. Everything was negative, so consequently I expected less. Less expectations=more enjoyment for me.

    So, that’s my argument in a nutshell. Anyway, thanks for the intervention! Good writing Vern.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Plant? Like Robert?

    by Geeker McGhee

    Nope. Not a plant, I’m just a guy who happens to like movies…I never engage in the talkbacks because I don’t really feel the need to, but there is so much unabashed hatred for this movie that I just can’t understand that I feel the need to…Do you guys really have ‘Plants’ on this site, or is this just some sort of paranoid gobbledygook that you spout out whenever you see an opinion that doesn’t match the rank and file?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:06 a.m. CST

    AVP also rips off JURASSIC PARK

    by caruso_stalker217

    Okay, maybe not but two scenes made me think of that superior film. 1) Colin Salmon showing up at the Italian guy’s dig smelled a lot like the scene in JP when Sir Richard Attenborough crashes Dr. Weir’s dig. And that part at the end when the whiney guide chick and Predator were being chased by the queen had me flashing back to the T-Rex chasing the girl from BLUE VELVET. Also, the scene where that Irish dude from SIN CITY (“That was an ootright loi oi was givin’ ya about me revulver bein’ whet”) gets attacked by the aliens on both sides was clearly lifted from Muldoon’s death-by-raptor in JP. So I spent at least five minutes thinking about JURASSIC PARK while I was watching AVP the other night, which was nice.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:07 a.m. CST

    “I must move on to more stimulating talks.”

    by DocPazuzu

    And thus, “dutch75” will never be seen on AICN again, at least until the next Fox monkeyfuck when he’ll be back under a different name, probably one displaying his “fan cred” in regard to that particular film.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:09 a.m. CST

    “Plant? Like Robert?”

    by DocPazuzu

    Oh God…

    “Do you guys really have ‘Plants’ on this site, or is this just some sort of paranoid gobbledygook that you spout out whenever you see an opinion that doesn’t match the rank and file?”

    You really, REALLY need to try harder.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    I can see where he’s coming from with the blond though

    by caruso_stalker217

    I had a similar attachment to Starbuck in HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION. It wasn’t because she was good-looking or anything. I just thought she was the least stupid/annoying person in that movie and I was actually mad when Michael chopped her head off. And it’s not because she’s a fellow Oregonian, either. Although I gotta stick up for my people.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Well, BSB…

    by DocPazuzu

    …so much for the maturity you called for. Really, the way you occasionally hump the Dan Quayle Leg of Indignation to score cheap points is nauseating.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:17 a.m. CST

    caruso_stalker217

    by Zerofun

    “Hey, we’ve all jerked off to Blue’s Clues”

    W T F?!?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:21 a.m. CST

    Okay, maybe most of us just thought about it

    by caruso_stalker217

    But I’ll be the first to admit that I followed through.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 11:40 a.m. CST

    I JUST WATCHED A FREEZE FRAME OF VIGGO’S HAIRY BALLS

    by BringingSexyBack

    and it easily bested AVP!!!!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Viggo’s balls best most monster mash-ups

    by caruso_stalker217

    Excluding FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLF MAN, because they both got frozen at the end and I thought that was pretty cool. It could have easily lead to them being thawed out in a future sequel and shot into space, thereby becoming the first Earth-bound monsters to star in a film set in space.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 11:52 a.m. CST

    DOCPAZUZU

    by BringingSexyBack

    Why so serious?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 12:15 p.m. CST

    AVP-R blows Aliens & the first Predator away!!

    by Penetron

    Why all the hate mates? THIS joint gots all you need for a classic Scifi MOVIE Predator? Check. Aliens? Check. Awesome plot with an ending that BLOWS your minds. Double Check!!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 12:18 p.m. CST

    to all you FOX employees who read this.

    by Penetron

    I snuck into this piece of shit after watching JUNO. I’ll be damned if I give you any money for this abomination. Hey, when are we going to get a talkback for the movie BUG? I actually asked for my money back for that one. Dreadful.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 12:22 p.m. CST

    I cried during Predator, BSB

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    When Sonny Landham bit it. And my botanical question of the day is how plants can photosynthesize sunlight when they are this fucking transparent. Another stellar performance, DocPaz, this one let loose on a few too many cliches and over-defensive claims to legitimacy and is now feelin’ the Fiyah. I can’t wait to see how many responses are entered in “more stimulating talks” (notice the absence of talkBACKs, oooh these wily plants) before the next mandatory-attendance update from Philbrick. Shame we will never see you again, have a good time at the company cocktail party.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Oh yeah it’s always Billy this and Blaine that

    by caruso_stalker217

    But people forget that Ramirez was the last to get wasted by the predator. I don’t know if that makes him better than the other soldiers or if it was the roll of the dice or whatever. Anyway, he got the least cool death I guess.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 12:34 p.m. CST

    It was roll of the dice, caruso

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    I believe you mean Chaves? He got a bad break what with the predator using their own trap against them. But like the rest of Arnie’s gang he was a tough motherfucker–“I can MAKE it!” he wheezes through a chest full of shattered ribs. Oh, the poor, brave sonofabitch…

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Everybody called him Poncho anyway

    by caruso_stalker217

    And the motherfucker didn’t even see that pred laser comin’. Anyway, he’s my favorite of the non-popular soldiers. Which would be him and Hawkins, I guess. Though Hawkins does live on through his big pussy jokes. A favorite on the playground.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Nice to see all the Blade Runner love on this TB

    by SkinJob69

    Brilliant film. Sir Ridley Rules!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Ridley Scott’s masterpiece

    by Spandau Belly

    I’m actually gonna vote for Blade Runner. I agree with Vern that Alien is perfect and Blade Runner is deeply flawed, in fact I’ll go one step further and say that Blade Runner makes little to no sense. But I love seeing all of Scott’s wonky obsessions thrown on a train and driven off the rails by his ego and I’m sure Scott still goes to bed every night (after Russel Crowe sings him a lullaby) still thinking about more shit he wished he had the money the throw into Blade Runner. I’ve been watching the documentary on the new DVD and there’s a ton more wonky shit that they never got to film including Batty having a Wizard of Oz moment with Tyrell and Zhora doing some sort Harryhausenized Flashdance. My favorite is when they all start discussing Scott’s obsession with getting a mouse to wear a bow tie at some point in the film. Maybe the next “refinalized” cut will have the mouse riding the unicorn. Watching this documetary makes it hilariously clear that they had no idea of what one or two or fifty things they wanted to achieve with Blade Runner.

    So in conclusion, ALIEN is Scott’s best film, Blade Runner is Scott’s most Scottized film.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Mr. Bass Bastardson

    by Spandau Belly

    Thank you for telling me that there is at least one American who actually lived this typical movie high school experience of a small gang of psychotic athletes tormenting normal people in between doing coke and shagging supermodel-looking cheerleaders. I’ll keep you in mind the next time I see this in a film. You might even want to consider a screen writing career, just think of your own life and add a Predator or a Transformer or A Day After Tomorrow or a bunch of terrorists, you’ll be rich.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 1:25 p.m. CST

    “Blade Runner makes little to no sense.”

    by SkinJob69

    Do you really think so? I think the addition of the unicorn sequence in the director’s cut certainly confused some people, but I’d say Blade Runner’s plot is pretty straight-forward. Classic film-noir, but in a sci-fi setting: a jaded police hit-man is tasked with “retiring” escaped human-like robots, and in the process comes to understand the value of all life, his own and even that of the life-like machines he has hunted. One of the most poingnant character arcs in the history of film, as it gets at what it really means to be “human”. Great stuff- a Phildickian short-story writ large by one of the masters of modern film.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    I agree with you on Alien, too, Spandau

    by SkinJob69

    I saw it when I was in my teens, and it still freaks me out. The grandfather of all sci-fi horror, whithout question.

    “I bought a ticket to the woorrlld, and now I’ve come back again.

    Why do I find it hard to write the next line?

    Oh I want the truth to be SAID…:

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 1:39 p.m. CST

    But can any quote in Alien (or ST for that matter) compete with:

    by SkinJob69

    Batty: “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.
    Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
    I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
    All those moments will be lost in time…
    like tears in rain.
    Time to die.”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Rutger Hauer is truly the shit

    by caruso_stalker217

    Some of the best last words in film.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Fuckin’ A, Caruso

    by SkinJob69

    And apparently Hauer added in some of those lines the night before they filmed the scene, including “like tears in rain”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 2:03 p.m. CST

    The part about the attack ships

    by caruso_stalker217

    was Peoples, I believe. Then he went on to some technical-type shit that Hauer said “no one would say.” Obviously, he improved it. Which is easy because he’s Rutger fucking Hauer. BLIND FURY like a motherfucker! Well, I’ve lost all credibility here.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 2:21 p.m. CST

    “Blade Runner makes little to no sense”

    by smackfu

    I have to say this statement really baffles me. I probably saw this movie for the first time when I was under 10, and I understood it just fine. The narrative is very straight forward and the moral message and character arcs are obvious. Not only that, but it also packs the punch of delivering a ‘viewer arc’ whereby the viewer starts off thinking one thing (we’re watching the good guy Harrison Ford kill the bad guy robits) and by the end of the film the viewer feels sorry for these replicants despite all the bad things they did, realizing that they were simply living beings desperate to survive. The film makes complete sense, asks intelligent questions for the viewer to ponder, the only thing I can think of that might even be mildly confusing is the unicorn, but even that is merely another interesting question, because whether Deckard is a replicant or a human has no impact on whether or not the story makes sense, it merely adds or doesn’t add another layer of moral complexity.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 2:22 p.m. CST

    Look it’s a press release…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    Alonzo Industries to offer new ‘plant detection proof’ service to top Hollywood studios

    Alonzo Industries (Nasdaq ALI), the world’s largest supplier of AICN ™ related services to Hollywood is proud to announce the launch of it’s new premium ‘Stealth Plant’ service, available in both silver and gold packages, to fit all your infiltrating AICN needs.

    “The problem with these fine marketing interns in Hollywood is that they make basic mistakes and are soon found out by the evil Talkbackers” says Alonzo Industries CEO Alonzo Mosely. “Our service ensures all that time and effort is not wasted by providing a service that ensures they will fit seamlessly into the TB scene”.

    Allthough full details have yet to be revealed, the silver package, available at an attractive price of just $250 per 24 hours, will provide the intern with a pre-established account with years of history behind it and an impeccable geek pedigree. The gold package, available at $500 per day, will also provide the intern 1-on-1 tuition in AICN lore and protocol. Learn how if even a top spotter like DocPazuzu starts questioning your credentials, you can put him off the scent with references to obscure TB catchphrases and historical moments. Nothing shows true AICN geek cool like dropping a ‘real Dragon’ comment.

    The full service will be launched in early 2008. All press enquiries should be addressed to indiemonkey@excite.com

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 2:28 p.m. CST

    Vern….

    by Jack21

    Which AVP movie do you think is worse? The first one, or this one? I haven’t seen AVP:R yet, and by the sounds of it I’ll probably be skipping it…or waiting until it’s played at the 2-dollar show. At least with this one, they got the rating right. But the Pizza Boy story sounds just too lame.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 2:31 p.m. CST

    You don’t give away the actual stuff for free TomBodet…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    They need to stump up for the gold package…

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 2:44 p.m. CST

    DANG, you nerds are fussy…

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Why do you expect Shakespeare when you’re clearly going to watch what’s basically a modern-day “Wolfman meets Frankenstein” flick?
    As long as chests get bursted, people get skinned and hung from trees, pregnant women get mouthraped (that just feels evil typing it…) and Aliens fight Predators, what’s to complain about???
    I don’t really care… it’s your loss, but AvP2 was some of the most fun I had at the theatre in a while! But then, maybe some of you are saving your money for the 73rd Edition Super-deluxe Director’s Cut of Blade Runner, with the missing additional 3 seconds of Harrison Ford smelling Darryl Hannah’s crotch which was cut from the original.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Oh, and the Pizza boy ISN’T the “hero” of the film…

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    His convict brother is. Pizza boy’s just a duff who continually gets his butt kicked until an Alien impales him from behind… at which point he pretty much just shuts up and lets the adults do all the work.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Other great last lines in film…(at least in my opinion)

    by SkinJob69

    1)“Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”(Casablanca)

    2) “Oh, no! It wasn’t the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast.” (King Kong)

    3) “You finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!”(Planet of the Apes)

    4)“I was cured all right.” (A Clockwork Orange)

    5) “You can tell everybody. Listen to me, Hatcher. You’ve got to tell them soylent green is people. We’ve got to stop them somehow.”(Soylent Green)

    6) “I used to hate the water.”

    “I can’t imagine why.” (Jaws)

    7) “…and I thought of that old joke, you know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, ‘Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken,’ and uh, the doctor says, ‘Well why don’t you turn him in?’ And the guy says, ‘I would, but I need the eggs.’ Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd and – but uh, I guess we keep going through it…because…most of us need the eggs.”(Annie Hall)

    8) “This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.” (Alien)

    9) “The horror. The horror.” (Apocalypse Now)

    10)“Look up at the stars.” (Brainstorm)

    11)“Greetings, programs!” (Tron)

    12)“What did he just say?” “He said there’s a storm coming in.” “I know.” (The Terminator)

    13)“Someday the children of the new sun will meet the children of the old. I think they will be our friends. You can tell your children of the day when everyone looked up and realized that we were only tenants of this world. We have been given a new lease — and a warning — from the landlord.” (2010)

    14)“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”(BTTF)

    15)“There are times since when I’ve felt like a child born of those two fathers. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach others what we know, and to try with what’s left of our lives to find a goodness and meaning to this life.” (Platoon)

    16)“They say they’re going to repeal Prohibition. What will you do then?”“I think I’ll have a drink.”(The Untouchables)

    17)“I do wish we could chat longer, but I’m having an old friend for dinner. Bye.”(TSotL)

    18) “Great Spirit and the Maker of All Life. A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Tell them to be patient and ask Death for speed; for they are all there but one – I, Chingachgook – Last of the Mohicans.”

    19)“What took you so long?”

    “Traffic was a bitch.”(The Player)

    20)“You better bury Ned right. You better not cut up nor otherwise harm no whores, or I’ll come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches.”(Unforgiven)

    21)“I find I am so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.” (Shawshank Redemption)

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3 p.m. CST

    BEST LAST LINE IN A FILM

    by BringingSexyBack

    “Daughter.” “Father.”

    – Eat Drink Man Woman

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:02 p.m. CST

    BEST LAST LINE IN A FILM

    by BringingSexyBack

    “RRRRAAAAAAAHHHHWWWWWWWRRRRRR”

    – Star Wars

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Another I forgot…

    by SkinJob69

    “They called me Mr. Glass.” (Unbreakable)

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:06 p.m. CST

    “Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these

    by SkinJob69

    Who am I? I’m Spider-man.”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:07 p.m. CST

    oops- full quote (damn these short subject lines!)

    by SkinJob69

    “Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I’m Spider-man.”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:09 p.m. CST

    And BSB’s favorite :)

    by SkinJob69

    “Jack, I swear…”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Yo, TheGhostWhoLurks

    by SkinJob69

    When does that 73rd edition come out?

    I am so there.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:18 p.m. CST

    SKINJOB69

    by BringingSexyBack

    Ah the memories … I love that line.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:24 p.m. CST

    “Just remember what ole Jack Burton does…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, “Give me your best shot. I can take it.”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:30 p.m. CST

    “When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac…

    by SkinJob69

    grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?” “Yessir, the check is in the mail.”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Im not a plant

    by lecter1914

    Post here all the time….I loved it….No, really, I really liked it. I admit the first hour was awful. Felt like Alien v Predator v Dawson’s Creek. But then it just got awesome to me. But then again, I watch Night Of The Demons Once a week and thought Critters 3 was the best of the bunch…so I guess my taste would be questionnable.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:39 p.m. CST

    “It’s like I told my last wife…”

    by caruso_stalker217

    …I said, ‘Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides… it’s all in the reflexes.'”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:42 p.m. CST

    “Shut up, Mr. Burton!”

    by caruso_stalker217

    “You were not brought on this earth to ‘get it’!”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:44 p.m. CST

    “Cash or charge?”

    by caruso_stalker217

    “Oh gosh! Cash, I guess. I mean it’s not deductible is it? Mmhmhmhm!”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Unpopular opinions

    by lecter1914

    Since I’m already going against the rabid bunch of people who hate AVP-R or AVPR or whatever, I’ll just go all out. Alien 3 was the first one I saw in theaters and I hated it. It may not even have been bad, but after the second one it just felt like such a downer. Alien REsurrection is actually my favorite…Blade Runner was boring and the computer game was better….Blade 2 sucked ass, most of Del Toro’s work minus Pan’s has been disappointing. Underworld was good, the second one sucked but the first one was pretty good. Planet Terror=good, Death Proof= horrible nightmare. The Friday the 13th films are all entertaining in their own way. Halloween is good but I think I enjoyed the fourth one more. Resident Evil was a good movie. No COuntry For Old Men had a stupid ending. American Gangster was unfocused and not very engaging. Flame me if you will but these are the facts…Also…not all black people talk during the movies and its not just us. THank you and have a nice day.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:51 p.m. CST

    SO now we have to wait for a 3rd film to get the one we want?

    by Bong

    Idiots at FOX will screw that one up and of course some chumps will come online and say the next one will be great

    LOL no thanks…

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:53 p.m. CST

    On being fussy…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    No, I don’t want Shakespeare or Citizen Kane or whatever variant you want to throw at me. You know what I want? How about Alien or Aliens. How about Die Hard? How about Terminator 1 or 2. How about The Thing or Escape from New York. How about Ghostbusters or Back to the Future or even Bill and Ted’s excellent adventure for fuck’s sake. None of scripts for these are great literature, but you know what, they are well constructed and imagined. They have characters that are developed so that when something happens it matters to us. I don’t want greatness from a movie with a silly premise, but I do expect to be entertained and I do expect some creativity. The sad fact is, I seem to be a dying breed, someone who can be dismissed as fussy because I have any fucking standards at all.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 3:57 p.m. CST

    I feel you, Alonzo

    by caruso_stalker217

    It’s like nobody’s got a fuckin brain in their head anymore.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 4:23 p.m. CST

    here’s the best review i have read so far….

    by standundermyumbrella

    I can’t imagine anyone on the planet receiving a bigger present this Christmas morning than Paul W.S. Anderson. While his profoundly sullied name hasn’t been rescued from the pits of directorial reputation hell, he can now take comfort in the knowledge that he hasn’t directed the worst film to feature Aliens and Predators.

    When an Alien/Predator hybrid crashes his spaceship in small town Colorado, it kicks off a series of deaths that trigger the attention of the Predator home world. Sending off a top hunter, the Predator comes to Earth on the trail of the Aliens, following them into the community, where they’ve gone about their business slaughtering the locals and sending Facehuggers out to boost the population numbers. When a band of survivors team up to search for safety, they find not only must they elude the extraterrestrial infestation, but the government as well, who wants to contain the outbreak for study.

    It boggles the mind to even contemplate how dreadful “Requiem” is. The map leading to quality was clearly laid out by Anderson’s moronic work with his 2004 installment “AVP,” and any filmmaker with half a brain could’ve manufactured something that restores a little of the glossy ferociousness that marked both the “Alien” and “Predator” franchise over the last three decades with minimal effort. Instead, we meet directorial newcomers Colin and Greg Strause (billed as “The Brothers Strause”), two random FX flunkies who turn this sequel into a vile, joyless, murky, moronic, amateurish, contemptuous, numbing, unintentionally hilarious, and thoroughly diseased motion picture. It’s a perfect film for the Scrooges out there who like their multiplex fodder crude and unrelentingly insulting.

    I bashed Anderson’s take on the material for the cartoon directions it turned. After all, reimagining Predators as stubby football linebackers and staging the flaccid action in a series of cheap-looking sets wasn’t exactly an invitation to view filmmaking ingenuity. However, Anderson is Welles compared to the Brothers Strause, who tear through the film without the slightest clue what they’re doing, blindly foraging through the script for the nastiest bits of bodily harm to exploit for the marketing. The boys have no idea how to instruct actors, stage action, explore visual effects, or tell a story. Their function is primarily to oversee madness and somehow pull 80-minutes of tripe together for 20th Century Fox to sell to lenient fanboys flush with holiday cash.

    As much derision as the Brothers Strause deserve, there are several components faulty with “Requiem,” starting with the cinematography by Daniel Pearl, who prefers to light his frame with all the illumination power of a birthday candle. If “Requiem” wasn’t horrible enough of a picture to start with, it’s also impossible to view, with entire chunks of the narrative and action lost to total darkness that seems to defeat the purpose of the shiny new R-rating. Instead, the audience has to squint to see the bloodshed or decipher the expressions (and I use that term ironically) on the actors. It’s also futile to figure out what the Aliens and Predators are doing at any given moment of the film. Call me a snob, but I actually enjoying the luxury of watching a movie, not sitting with a black screen listening to a tiresome symphony of hacky sound effects. After shooting “Captivity” and “Pathfinder” this year to equally exasperating results, Daniel Pearl should be run out of the business.

    Shane Salerno’s screenplay is another deadly tool of “Requiem,” placing an interstellar war in the middle of a “Saved by the Bell” episode, as one of our “heroes” deals with a bland high school crush and persistent teen bullies. The script is really a patchwork quilt of clichés, with every single human merely a bookmark for later monster consumption. It doesn’t help matters to have bottom-of-the-barrel actors running around the film, but that doesn’t excuse the script’s stupidity and bottom-feeding nature. Oh, Salerno not only uses adults as Alien/Predator prey, but little kids, pregnant women strapped to hospital beds, and even throws in threatened newborns to satisfy his black heart.

    Hey, I was as openly hostile as anyone toward the neutered PG-13 rating of “AVP,” but “Requiem” rides its R-rating to bleak horizons, replacing the escapism of the scares with puzzling hostility. The anger culminates in a conclusion that’s as reckless, cynical, and spineless as anything put onscreen this year; a middle-finger to the paying crowd.

    The initial wave of “Alien” films and the first “Predator” were mighty classics of cinema; scrappy gorefests that took immense care building characterization and treated dramatic payoff like the ultimate dessert. “Requiem” is nothing more than a glorified Sci-Fi Channel Original, teeming with bargain-basement production values, tiring waves of stupidity, and a promise (or threat) of another installment to come. My word, haven’t the faithful suffered enough?

    efilmcritic.com

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 4:35 p.m. CST

    “Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown”

    by zooch

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Why I feel BLADE RUNNER makes very little sense

    by Spandau Belly

    I understand what you guys are saying about the story being basically about a bounty hunter guy rediscovering his humanity, or at least finding something beautiful in a world he previously thought was all ugly, so now he has real love in his arms instead of just a dream of a unicorn. I got that. And like Mr. Smackfu, I got that when I was 10 years old too.

    But most of what they say about this world does not jive with the way the characters behave in it. If Earth is supposed to be a rotting shithole where nobody wants to live anymore, then why does a rich industrialist like Tyrell live here? I realize he probably invested a lot into building his giant gold pyramid, but wouldn’t he rather go to one of these glorious colonies? And if J.F. Sebastian plays chess with the boss and has a highly valued talent, why does he live in a slum?

    And the reason they have Deckard hunting the replicants is because they aren’t allowed on Earth. They’re trespassing. But then why are all the people who design and build the replicants on Earth? You wouldn’t have a manufacturing site where the product it produces is illegal. Why not just build the replicants where they’re used? And why is Rachael allowed to take personal assistant job away from a human when Zhora can’t go on flashdancing?

    Also, what makes Deckard such a good dagger sprinter? They’re pulling this guy out of retirement because he’s “the best”, but I never really saw him do anything extrordinairy. Couldn’t any cop shoot Zhora, an unarmed naked lady, in the back like Deckard did? Or sit there and watch Roy Batty die? And what’s the point of calling Deckard to kill these replicants if they’re all pretty much due to expire/die within a few days anyway? And maybe I’m being stupid here, but why is his job title ‘blade runner’ when it does not involve a blade? Ridley Scott’s answer is because it “sounds cool”, so I guess you give a guy a cool sounding job title to smooth over the PR issues that come from a job that involves shooting an unarmed sexy naked lady in a crowded city street. And what was Deckard doing in such early retirement? He clearly does not speak any of the dominant languages, so I’m surprised he was ever a detective, but I doubt he could get another job. And if he thinks this whole world is bullshit why didn’t he ever run off to wherever he runs off to with Rachael at the end? He just hangs out right where that oragami asshole can find him and drag him back to work. Even Rachael found his apartment, so he’s probably even listed in the phone book. And what does that origami guy do? Is he the blade runner-runner since he hunts blade runners and brings them back to work? He seems to have all day to hang out and make oragami of men with boners, but when Deckard needs backup to fight Batty this oragami prick is fashionably late. Probably making an oragami of a dove.

    I also don’t get why, if the more human they make the replicants the more rebellious and unpredictable they become, then why does Tyrall Corp keep striving to do this? Sure, that Kowalski replicant may be able to lift heavy weights and work long hours, but ask him about his mother and he shoots you in the face? Keep that guy off my site. I’ll stick with human construction workers, thanks. Even if they bitch and unionize or whatever.

    And, I mean, Roy Batty is a cool character and all, but if that’s their standard model “combat” replicant, then whatever army buys a platoon full of Roy Battys has a mutiny on their hands, guaranteed. I guess even in the distant future the government is continuing to give the contract to the lowest bidder. Maybe in the future wars are more like those “poetry slams” or rap battles and that’s why a replicant like Roy who is engineered specifically for combat is so damn eloquent. But he’s also pretty sensitive and empathetic for a soldier.

    Like I said, I like this movie. But I lump it in with other surrealist movies that are more about moods and tones and ideas than stories. Stuff like Mullholland Drive, Supervixens, The Holy Mountain, etc. where it’s the director’s dream and not a straight up story.

    I get what you guys are saying about this being a futuristic film noir. Blade Runner is definately under that genre’s umbrella. But Blade Runner is to 12 Monkeys what El Topo is to Fistful of Dollars, it’s the maniac cousin. And I love maniac cousins, but like I said, I like the way this film is so ambitious to explore so many ideas and visuals, but it’s definately at the expense of logic.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 4:52 p.m. CST

    I Just Saw This Film And Gosh Darn Its AMAZING!

    by LaserPants

    Dutch75, Geeker McGhee, and all those other PR guys are sooooooooooooooooooo right. AvPR features some of the finest action set-pieces and possible marketing spin-offs in terms of maximizing retail potential in the crucial slump that sets in between the holidays. It is my firm belief that the entertainment product of AVPR is of the highest quality for your entertainment dollar. I mean, shucks and golly, we all know that times are tough what with all the topsy turvey shenanigans we have going on in the world, so why should we worry about maximizing our entertainment dollar purchases! I know for my own self (who is 18-35 and loves action and Aliens and Predators) that this film really made me feel that I had spent my hard earned dollars wisely as it was soooooo entertaining I was like, “wow! awesome!” Then I thought about how much I can’t wait for the DVD and assorted AVPR products and services, and, moreover, every single product and service offered by the beloved company who brought us this masterpiece — 20th Century Fox. Yeah! Its fresh and funny yay! Isn’t that what you, uh, I mean, we 18-35 year olds say when we like stuff a whole lat? Yeah! Woo!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 4:54 p.m. CST

    a few more

    by zooch

    “One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damn vampires.” The Lost Boys

    “Mr. Hammond, after careful consideration, I’ve decided not to endorse your park.”

    “So have I.” Jurassic Park

    “Now, where was I?” Memento

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Alonzo

    by DocPazuzu

    You’ve put your finger on the most insulting aspect of the plant problem, namely the idea that as long as the film isn’t marketed as the new Citizen Kane or Seven Samurai we should just shut the fuck up and eat the unholy shitburgers they’ve so graciously put on our plates.

    They’re trying to put the blame on us. It’s not THEIR fault for producing such piles of excrement, it’s OURS for daring to expect or hope for something more.

    “We’re just out to make a cheap, nasty buck and fuck you if you don’t like the fact that we took an idea with enormous potential to be both commercially successful and a work of pop cultural substance and turn it into a rancid soup of lowest common denominators.”

    I would like to be able to say that they fucked up, but the fact is that Fox made EXACTLY the movie they aimed to make. They could have used a decent script. They could have hired a capable director. They could have created three-dimensional characters. What they DID do was completely ignore those things. And why? Because they knew they could get away with it. They knew they could, with the absolute minimum of effort, create a hideous, stupid movie which would bring in the coin.

    This kind of cynicism in filmmaking is far more sinister and wicked than anything cheap shlockmeisters like Roger Corman, Fred Olen Ray or Jim Wynorski ever churned out. The latter trio made movies on the cheap and with exploitative sensibilities, but they were honest about it. The criminals behind AvP-Rectum made the worst possible movie they could and still make off with a profit. It’s a practice so calculating and heinous that it’s sickening. And then they send in their army of assgoons to rally support for the flick online.

    “Hey, I’m just a regular guy, 18-30 years old, with a middle income who loves to be entertained by romps and not think too much. I love hot chicks and Nickelback too, and I gotta tell ya – this movie BLEW MY MIND!! I loved it so much that I chestbumped some fat kids in the parking lot afterwards and I’m gonna see it at least three more times! I told all my friends to go see it and they came back and said it was AWESOME! DA BOMMMM!!!! If you don’t see this movie, then you’re just a hater who doesn’t like fun stuff and hates America.”

    Fuck each and every one of you malevolent, sebaceous cocksuckers who were involved in this cinematic crime.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Spandau: Nice post, man-

    by SkinJob69

    Your list of beefs with Blade Runner (or is it ‘Dagger Sprinter’?) reminded me of Vern’s style, and it had me laughing my ass off. Thank you! I’m loving this TB (despite not giving a crap about AvP2)

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:29 p.m. CST

    yes yes yes Great Review Vern!!

    by Unimaginative_Moneyhungry_Hollywood

    Fox, grab a pen, I shall say this only once: The rules of the Alien & Predator Universe…. Take notes Fox & pay attention.

    Rule 1: Never bring the aliens back in time to the present. Aliens must remain in the FUTURE!!! It is OK for the Predator to be in the past, but fitting the aliens into the timeline makes no sense no matter how you try & twist the storey.

    Rule 2: No Pizza Boys. Neither Predator nor the Alien franchise should ever have a pizza boy as the lead character.

    Rule 3: never use Paul WS Anderson or Shane Salerno again. Never. They fail in life.

    Rule 4. Do not flog a dead horse. You are raping both Franchises & making them trash. You sacrificed quality & have turned the franchise into a cheap teen slasher flick. Time to take a break & just leave it alone for a while / or forever. Only make a movie if the right quality script comes along (nar, scratch that idea. Fox executives are incompetent; they wouldn’t know a good script if it jumped up & bit them in the head… just let the franchise die).

    Rule 5. No teenagers. Teenagers do not belong in the Alien or Predator franchise. They will never be “cool” or “hip” or whatever you fox executive goons think is fashionable. Don’t even bother.

    Rule 6. Do not over do the cliché characters. It is Ok to have a couple of cliché support characters, but not 4 lead clichés; that is overkill of the brain toleration follicles.

    Rule 7. Be imaginative. Think of different settings for the movie. There are many other options to take. Here are some examples off the top of my head.

    EG1: A different LV Terrafrom community on a desert like planet.

    EG2: Future Earth: Aliens & Pred fighting in a city setting similar to Blade Runner.

    EG3: On a Space Jockey war ship. Hell, just get the AVP2 PC game & check out some of those settings!!!

    Rule 8: Make up at least 3 thrilling action scenarios. Set these up with a bit of care & play them out with clever choreography. There are many scenes in both Predator & Aliens that are memorable that you can get inspiration from… BUT DO NOT COPY THESE SCENES! Be creative & inventive for a change.

    Rule 9: Take time with production. Rushing production turns the movie into a mess. Stick to the budget as much as possible, but allow a little more time for the production crew to plot out their scenes; it will pay off on screen.

    Rule 10. Do not do scenes in the dark with a shaky camera as the audience can’t see what is happening.

    Rule 11. Pay Giger lots of money because his designs are worth it! Get him on board again. If anyone is to do a redesign, Giger is your man.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:32 p.m. CST

    I meant: AvP: Rigor Mortis

    by SkinJob69

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 5:32 p.m. CST

    I meant: AvP: Rigor Mortis

    by SkinJob69

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 6:11 p.m. CST

    spandau belly

    by smackfu

    Ah, yes, I misunderstood. When you said the film didn’t make sense, I thought you meant it didn’t make sense. When in fact what you meant is, ‘I nitpicked the shit out of this film’. This is like me saying Star Wars doesn’t make sense because their lightsabers don’t burn through the floors or that they jedi whould be wearing sneakers due to all running and jumping they do, or because a parsec is a measurement of distance not time. These are nitpicks of minutia.

    and most of your nitpicks are completely speculative. Why does Tyrell live in the shithole with everyone else? Who knows, maybe because EVERYTHING is industrial shithole at that point, it’s the norm. Does the fact that Donald Trump lives in a massive metropolis like New York along with thousands of bums, junkies and street thugs, when he should be living on a tropical island indicate some kind of logical fallacy with reality? Does reality not make sense because Donald Trump lives in a sea of industry amoung the common masses when he doesn’t really *have* to? Your logic fucking sucks man.

    BUILDING REPLICANTS ON EARTH DOESN’T MAKE SENSE BECAUSE THEY’RE ILLEGAL – Um. It’s illegal for me to carry around plutonium, an RPG, or even marijuanna, when all of these things are manufactured in countries where it is illegal to possess them. And obviously since there are replicants walking around Tyrell corp it’s not illegal for them to *exist* on earth, they’re just not allowed to be running around on their own or kept by private citizens. YOU ARE FUCKING DUMB.

    DECKARD BEING ‘THE BEST’ If you go find a murder investigator with a reputation for being ‘the best’ and then go watch him work for a few days, are you expecting to see evidence of him being ‘the best’ occur before your eyes? Or do you just realize it means he’s good at what he does and solves a lot more murders than the average detective?

    I could go on and point out what is wrong with your thought process on each one of those points, but it’s a waste of time. If you’re trolling and joking around, then my hats off to you, that’s a pretty elaborate troll post, but if you really mean that shit, that those points are why you think the movie doesn’t make sense, then man, you are seriously brain damaged. You have non-sequitur conclusions where logic should be. It would be like me saying ‘if your mother loves christmas, then wouldn’t she have a giant plywood Santa up on her roof? she must not love christmas’ and thinking that’s a logical arguement. Because you see, while having a giant plywood santa on your roof does mean you love christmas, not having a giant plywood santa does not mean you dislike christmas. That’s non-sequitur logic, and that’s what you have instead of real logic. I weep for you.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Thanks, Bodet…

    by DocPazuzu

    …and I agree — all movies would be better with just a little bit o’ Beni.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Hey it is still on,WOW

    by travis-dane

    I thought the other AvP2 TB was long,but this is good.And nice to see that dutch75 gets help from other PLANTS!Maybe they are starting an Special Forces PLANT TB operation(SFPTo)against the average movie lover who likes some cool SHIT in his movies,like THE REAL ALIEN MOVIES,without versus in the name!Or Predator!We have to FIGHT!No Retreat,No Surrender(maybe BRUCE LEE is watching over us)!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Alonzo you’re funny; Pazuzu tells it like it is.

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    The AvP movies could hardly have had worse possible ideas without descending into TomBodet-like mayhem. I should really rewatch the original Predator to remind myself that at one time these movies were fuckin’ cool. Compare a team of ex-military mercenaries on a black ops mission against ruthless guerillas in a place that “makes Cambodia look like Kansas” with Duke, Weathers, Ventura et. al. at their most Skoal-spittin’ badass, to Dawson’s Creek: Special Hometown America Squad. Compare Pizza Boy getting his keys thrown in the sewer (“Oh my god!”) to Duke whispering at Weathers “I don’t care who you are back in the world. You blow our position one more time, I’ll bleed you, real quiet, leave you herrrre.” Before I let this thread go: A hearty “Fuck Off!” to you insultingly inept perception managers and a “Fuck You!” to the bluetoothed cretins that greenlighted this travesty.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 6:57 p.m. CST

    best line ever

    by dudemandude

    Walter from Big Lebowski.. “Eight year olds Dude..”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 6:59 p.m. CST

    smackfu- I think many of spadau’s points…

    by SkinJob69

    were facetious. Like you, I was tempted to counter many of his points one by one: for instance- Deckard doesn’t speak the language of the streets? Not true- he pretends not to understand the lingo (which ‘every good cop did’) because he ‘didn’t want to make Gaff’s job any easier’. Or- why don’t rich folks move offworld? Because all the propaganda about the colonies is BS- they are actually dangerous shitholes,too. The ads on the buildings are like ads for the military now- looks good until you get there and people are shooting at you (and, shit, where’s my body armor?). I could go on, but I’m willing to settle on agree to disagree about the merits of BR. Not sure any refutations would improve your opinion of the film, anyway. But,again, a very amusing (if at times misguided) post, Spandau-

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 7 p.m. CST

    COOOOOONNNNNTTTTTAAAAACCCCCT!!!

    by travis-dane

    I see you.BILL DUKE RULES!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 7:31 p.m. CST

    A fine moment for AICN TB.

    by DocPazuzu

    The fact that Fox sent their satanic, drooling homunculi into the talkbacks in order to peddle their filthy wares proves that they covet our greasy geek dollar.

    The fact that we sent them packing back to hell therefore proves that we hit them were it hurts the most.

    Heads high, fellow geeks – they failed to breach our lines of defense. It may not be a St. Crispin’s Day speech, but like the esteemed ‘Cholera’s Ghost earlier so aptly said, while quoting King Leonidas in 300, “Your numbers mean nothing in this place!”

    The defeat, Fox, can you taste it?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 7:38 p.m. CST

    Yes,I am with you DocPazuzu

    by travis-dane

    Now it is the time for dutch75 to make a speech to his SFPTo members and then we go for the FINAL FIGHT!

    THERE WILL BE BLOOD!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 7:39 p.m. CST

    RE: Spandau’s Blade Runner questions

    by Bulldoggie

    A couple of weeks ago I picked-up the newest special edition of Blade Runner and after I hyped the film to my wife as the greatest noir sci-fi classic of all time, as I’ve always belived it to be, we watched it. Space ships and laser guns are not my wife’s cup of tea but she sat quietly for its running time and had one qestion as the closing credits started to roll that had never occured to me. Why was it so important for Deckard to kill them when they were all going to die so soon anyway? I was dumbfounded. In all of the years and versions of this film I’ve seen, I had the Marvel comics graphic novel that dropped prior to the films release, I was hedging my bets that the parents wouldnt take me to see it (showed boob) and I HAD to know what Han Solo was up to between films, I was 9. So, yeah after all of the years I’ve invested in this film I never once thought “why so important to kill something thats dying anyway?” Thanks wife. Then, much like Spandua’s very intertaining post above, she questions Deckards skills as a Blade Runner. “He’s the best? Seriously? He was pretty shitty actually.” I had to agree with her. What, he gets beat-up-Rachael saves him and then shoots a naked woman in the back, another while doing gymnastics (again after getting his ass kicked) and finaly watches Roy die. Just wanted to add my 2 cents in this very funny talkback, thanks all and Vern- you are my favorate way to kill a long day of “face time” @ work . . .

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 7:42 p.m. CST

    Sheesh… you guys should just become film critics.

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    You seem to be as humorless and unable to simply enjoy mindless entertainment as most of them. One of you walks out because the audience laughs when the dad’s arm fell off??? You SUPPOSED to laugh… ’cause you knew it was coming! I loved that! :D
    Man, it’s like reading a talkback by the balcony grumps on the Muppet Show!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 7:56 p.m. CST

    NEITHER FRANCHISE SHOULD TAKE PLACE IN SMALL TOWN USA

    by reflecto

    Period. End.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 7:57 p.m. CST

    There was a time when a cut off arm meant something!

    by travis-dane

    And people were not laughing because they knew it would happen.I think AvP2 was not supposed to be a comedy,but at second thought maybe we all just got it wrong?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 8:15 p.m. CST

    Ghost

    by otm shank

    You’re supposed to laugh when the arm falls off. Really? Was I supposed to laugh when the alien burst out of the colonists chest in Aliens? I didn’t.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 8:26 p.m. CST

    OTM Shank

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    When did Aliens come out? More than 20 years ago??? Back then, it was shocking. In 2007, we all KNOW how the Aliens and Predators work.
    We KNOW people are gonna get facehugged…
    We KNOW folks are gonna get sprayed with acid blood and horribly mutilated or killed…
    We KNOW guys will be skinned alive and have their spines ripped out…
    None of this is SHOCKING two decades plus after we all first saw them. The FUN is waiting to see how and when it’s all going to come down and how entertaining the filmmakers can be doing it. Since most of you OBVIOUSLY haven’t even seen the film, you don’t even know what you’re missing and that’s a shame. You’d probably actually like it.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 8:35 p.m. CST

    OK

    by otm shank

    It’s nice to KNOW that these things happen in the movie. Because they sure as hell didn’t happen in the first AVP. However if it’s done competently you should not laugh.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 8:36 p.m. CST

    I saw it and it is BULLSHIT!

    by travis-dane

    And with a good DIRECTOR and a good SCRIPT you can make a scary ALIEN movie today.How can you set your standards so low Mr.TheGhostWhoLurks?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 8:37 p.m. CST

    Anybody know the actual budget of AVP-R?

    by Geeker McGhee

    Just trying to find something to measure it against since it seems to be doing <okay> at the B.O., but certainly not great….I wonder if Fox will go for a PG-13 cut (kinda like when there was talk of Grindhouse getting re-cut into two separate films whenever it tanked) if it doesn’t hit the $80 million mark or whatever…

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 8:52 p.m. CST

    Geeker

    by otm shank

    Talk about taking a BAD situation and making it WORSE. NO. MORE. PG-13. Aliens, Predators, or Aliens vs. Predators. EVER!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Is it possible that these plants are actually…..

    by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz

    “The Brothers Strause” themselves?? I wouldn’t put it past them since this is their first directorial debut. I draw this conclusion because the two posters in question both seem to have a passion for the movie and want it to do well. 1 + 1 = 2. Just throwing that out there. That and I wouldn’t put it past them to do something like this and come on the TBs.

    I do agree though being a long time poster myself that the posts of these plants are hilarious and paper thin obvious.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:16 p.m. CST

    BROTHERS STRAUSE lead the SFPTo…

    by travis-dane

    it is possible!If so:FUCK YOU!Where is dutch75?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Travis-Dane: My “standards are so low” because…

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    This isn’t “Aliens” and it’s not “Predator,” it’s Aliens VS. Predator… a film were both protagonists are monsters kicking the hell out of each other and any humans in the flick are merely there as cannon fodder.
    With the original films, you could have “deep character development” and “complex emotional motivation” in a 90-minute movie because it was humans vs. Alien/Predator… the main focus was on the humans trying to figure what that thing lurking in the dark was and how to survive, so there was plenty of time to waste on Ripley bonding with small children.
    Today, we all KNOW what’s out there, and in an AvP movie, I really don’t CARE about the dopey humans. I paid money to see Aliens. Versus. Predators. Creatively biting, ripping, slashing & eviscerating one another and any human dumb enough to wander into a dark, wet room.
    In a film about two major movie monsters having a beatdown, “deep character development” is pretty low on my list of “must-haves.” I just wanna have fun and hope there’s enough new twists to be creeped-out watching it… and AvP2 did that in spades! :)

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:33 p.m. CST

    DocPaz,travis-dane et all

    by otm shank

    If these posters are plants they have a reason to be nervous. The damn thing didn’t even place in the top 5 over the holiday weekend!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:34 p.m. CST

    The plants are indeed The Brothers Strause

    by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz

    No question about it.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:37 p.m. CST

    Agreed, Demode-

    by SkinJob69

    The incep dates for the replicants, other than Roy, were unclear. And according to Bryant, this group of ‘skinjobs’ and their escape was “a bad one”. I believe they had planned a flashback during Bryant’s speech showing scenes from the escape (Event-Horizon style), but it was cut due to budget limitations.

    Also, Deckard’s skills go beyond the mere shooting of replicants; a lot of time in the movie is dedicated to showing his means/methods of tracking them down (photo analysis, tracking of the snake’s scale to it’s source, etc.) Maybe those are the skills that give him his “Blade Runner magic”.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Man, I love it..

    by Geeker McGhee

    So, I take it the ‘Plant Talk’ is still directed at me, eh? I liked the movie, and I want the movie to do well, so that makes me a plant?

    Wow. Just plain wow.

    Can’t you see how long ago I registered this name or something? I never post in these things because people always post garbage like “TRANSFORMERS PWNED MY ASSCOCKBALLS” or “FUCKSHITDAMN HARRY, YOU WORTHLESS HACK….” usually I could give a squirt of piss about people bitching incessantly about a movie, but some of you are out to crucify this film without even giving it a chance or considering what source garbage the guys had to work with and how they had to clean up the mess made by AVP, otherwise you’d be bitching about a loss of continuity. And besides, what studio weasel would use the screen name Geeker McGhee? Don’t you think it would be a little obvious?

    Why does my opinion make me a plant?

    There are also a handful of movie critics who didn’t think it bad as well – does this mean that they are on FOX’s payroll?

    This is not just your sandbox, jack. People will have different opinions than you when it comes to movies, which doesn’t mean they have some ulterior motive or some other bullshit. Why the hell would Fox even plant-a-plant in such a rabid environment anyway? What good would it really do? This talkback is like a Hitler youth rally for AVP-R haters….

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Demode…

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    If all you saw was the first 15 minutes, then you missed pretty much every cool thing in the film. Saying it’s in the same realm of crappiness as “Batman and Robin” is just nonsense.
    Actually having SEEN both films in their entirety, I can easily say that AvP2 is not only NOT crap, it’s pretty darn GOOD for a film called “Aliens vs. Predator.”

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:47 p.m. CST

    Demode

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Your favorite cable station is Lifetime, isn’t it? :)

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:47 p.m. CST

    TheGhost:There was no CREATIVITY whatsoever in this SHIT!

    by travis-dane

    The editing of the fights was really bad!The action was almost the whole time in the dark and you could see SHIT!The final battle:biggest pile of BS,quick cuts,close ups while clinching,no pacing,no nothing!The Brothers Strause shuold see the BOURNE movies to learn how to do a quickcut fight where you can see the action!Seeing a HORROR/ACTION/MONSTER movie just for some shitty fights is not FUN!But I respect your position,I just dont understand it.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:57 p.m. CST

    Geeker:Bringing HITLER up is really low dude!

    by travis-dane

    FUCK YOU GEEKER MCGHEE!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 9:57 p.m. CST

    TheGhostWhoLurks…

    by 5 by 5

    …I like how you skirt around the issue raised by so many here. It’s not asking too much that these movies be as good as the originals. Nobody is being a movie snob for wanting that. So shut the fuck up.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:01 p.m. CST

    “whether Deckard is a replicant or a human has no impact”

    by SkinJob69

    Gotta disagree there. I love Ridley, but his insistence (long after the movie’s release) that Deckard’s a replicant is way off the mark. I believe Phil Dick had explicitly stated that Deckard was a human. Further, it would blow Deckard’s arc as a character: his initial blase’ attitude about retiring replicants later transforms as he comes to seeing them as having lives which are valuable (despite their being machines). If he himself were a machine, this change is much less poingant.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:02 p.m. CST

    5 by 5…

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    How about “no.” You don’t have to like my opinion.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:06 p.m. CST

    Also- Can’t believe folks are STILL defending AvP-R

    by SkinJob69

    Probably a strong contender for the 2007 Razzie for worst pic

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:25 p.m. CST

    Demode-It is not getting any better after 15 minutes…

    by travis-dane

    it is getting worse!ALL THE TIME!I read through all the bad reviews but wanted to make my own opinion and went to see it.VERY BIG MISTAKE!But I paid money,so I stayed to the end.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:32 p.m. CST

    BSG is good, Demode…

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    But it’s an extended series where you have TIME to get to know the players involved and identify and feel for them.
    The main problem with doing that in Aliens vs. Predator is that — unlike the with the Cylons — you have not one, but TWO cool “villains” that are the star attraction and literally fighting for screentime over 90 minutes. There’s simply not enough time to shoehorn in the complex character development for humans waiting to get killed that you obviously want, in addition to having a decent storyline and the necessary visceral alien slugfests that’re the whole draw for the film in the first place.
    As I said, if the basic set-up is good, the requisite M.O.s of the monsters are followed and they’re able to throw some unexpected twists into the mix (that maternity ward scene is a CLASSIC!), then I can live with Pizza Boy wanting to nail the school hottie.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:39 p.m. CST

    Jack21, if you’re still around

    by Vern

    To answer your question, I don’t really know which AVP is better. I think the first one has terrible characters, but not as terrible as this one. On the other hand, the Predator looks way better in this one and there’s more violence, which is good. And the first one offended me by involving poor Lance Henriksen. I don’t know. The new one is more competent in the mayhem and less competent with everything else.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Question for insiders

    by Vern

    During the scene where the aliens have built a tunnel inside the hospital there’s a funny shot where you see the Giger-esque cocooning filling most of the frame, but at the end of the tunnel you can see some of the untouched hospital and there’s a light up EXIT sign there. I thought this was an amusing image but I could not decide whether it was meant to be amusing or not. What’s the scoop?

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:47 p.m. CST

    TheGhost:Why is the maternity scene a classic?

    by travis-dane

    It is not tough to watch,it is just there to push the rating!You see nothing,when they show the women,the ALIENS are allready out.It would have been a GORE classic if they actually had shown how the ALIENS break out of the womb and the half eaten babies falling out,but just some shot of the old blood and guts is not a CLASSIC!And I dont want to see pregnant women get slaughtered in movies!It is just for the R-Rating!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:52 p.m. CST

    I wish…

    by Scrolly

    ..I’d walked out after 15 minutes.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:53 p.m. CST

    Vern:I dont think The Brothers Strause put any subtext in the mo

    by travis-dane

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 10:57 p.m. CST

    Vern:IN the movie!

    by travis-dane

    Or they wanted to say:Leave now so you dont have to see the worst final battle in movie history!

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 11:26 p.m. CST

    Travis-Dane, re: the Maternity Ward scene

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    I (and everyone else I went with) was pretty shocked and grossed out when the “Alienator” lashed onto the first pregnant woman’s face with it’s mouth and started to shove multiple Alien eggs down her throat, poking out like ostrich egg-sized Adam’s apple as they traveled down her gullet.
    And when the camera then panned to the faces of the row of other pregnant women in the room screaming in horror as they realized they were next, I started laughing out loud in horrified delight.
    Aliens raping and impregnating already pregnant women about to give birth through their mouths??? That’s pretty sick to even think up, but fit totally in line with the evil ruthlessness of the Aliens. I thought it was GREAT! :)

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 11:34 p.m. CST

    Actually, they DO show one of the pregnant women

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    giving “birth” to about five Alien worms at once. And no one wants to see pregnant women being slaughtered. THAT’S what made it so surprising that they actually had the nerve to not only kill them, but do it in the most horrifying way possible. It was oh, so WRONG, but just perfect for this film.

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 11:51 p.m. CST

    “this is their first directorial debut” …

    by Shan

    uh ….

  • Dec. 30, 2007, 11:57 p.m. CST

    X-3 TO AVP – DIFF MOVIES; SAME RESULT

    by rev68

    Reading all the comments here I was taken back to the comments on the X 3 boards after Harry’s review. The fan hatred is the same, even the wording is identical. I wonder will Fox execs ever learn?

    A flashback to 2006…

    OMFG – $8 back like, fucking NOW, Fox. by jedimast3r/May 26th, 2006

    Wow. I didn’t even finish the movie. When Charles – Stewart and McKellen being the cornerstones of this franchise – got blown up Clayface style by “Jean” I turned to my girlfriend, apologized loudly, and asked politely if we could leave. We got up, and I couldn’t help myself, but I said aloud, “This shit is NOT X-Men,” the other like, 10 people in the audience didn’t seem to care. My best friend remained behind only because he likes to see people dying. But that’s him. I, on the other hand, am so sorry I didn’t go by the AICN staffers’ reviews and wait for this slop pile to hit DVD. I can’t believe this is part of a previously decent trilogy. This is like blasphemy – nothing feels X-Men at all in this film apart from the first 10 minutes. “I hid her power in another personality,” “I’m sorry my dear, you’re not one of us anymore,” “Not everyone heals as fast as you, Logan,” OMFG WHO WRITES THIS CRAP? WHO GETS PAID TO SELL THIS CRAP? WHY THE FUCK DID XAVIER DIE????? Thanks for ruining a great franchise, Fox.

    SOUND FAMILIAR?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:05 a.m. CST

    Alternative theory Vern

    by Shan

    I have an alternative possibility about the Predators. They could be like those rich idiots who go fox hunting and big game hunting as opposed to the redneck variety.

    You know, the sort who like to go on safari, wear big hats and mount heads on walls. Obviously, even though these people have lots of money, still not far removed from the trailer park crowd when you look more closely at how they behave.

    I could imagine the Predators as frequently doing that sort of thing as entertainment for the rich jet set (it’d have to cost a lot to charter a ship to drop you off on Earth).

    Mind you, with such scenes like in Predator 2 where they won’t kill people who are pregnant for example seems to show they often have more decency and honour than a lot people who will blow holes through anything in the name of sport.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:08 a.m. CST

    Xavier’s not dead.

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    You should have stuck around ’til the end.
    And, for the record, I liked X-Men 3, as well. A lot less whiney “I’ve got superpowers, boo-hoo, woe is me!” and a whole lot more shots of Wolverine cutting people up and getting impaled by bone daggers. Although, I must admit, the whole wire-fu routine with EVERY mutant being able to jump 50 ft in the air got old REAL fast.
    Still, it was better than the 2nd X-Snorefest, with the exception of Nightcrawler.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:16 a.m. CST

    Skywalker, the CGI in AvP2 IS better than Legend’s

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Those cannibalistic zombies looked just straight-up CARTOONISH. It was like watching the goofy forest centaur from the first Harry Potter film!
    Note to producers/directors: If you’re going to have basically humanoid monsters, USE REAL ACTORS WEARING PROSTHETICS!!!!
    You MIGHT get away with CGI animals (‘though they were kinda weak in I Am Legend, as well), but we look at people everyday. Even if they’re supposed to be screwed-up human beings/humanoids, even the untrained eye can tell that it’s not “real,” and it loses 90% of its intensity and threat for audiences.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:44 a.m. CST

    This is still going?

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Glad I dropped back. “Hitler Youth Rally for AvP:R haters”–HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was an LOLIRL…even if it’s a borderline Godwin. Seriously, FUCK these lame-ass excuses for this “sci-fi romp”! AvP:Rectum deserves crucifixion, and people that for whatever reason actually liked it, their taste notwithstanding, should be a little more careful about saying things like “here’s your film”. Get lost with that shit. Anyway, this TB has been great. Vern, you kick ass.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:56 a.m. CST

    “There really is no excuse for this type of film.”

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:58 a.m. CST

    Dark Horse Alien Comics

    by Autodidact

    Any one of the following Dark Horse miniseries could be adapted into a thrilling and scary Aliens movie, with an interesting plot and characters that don’t require the insertion of Ripley:

    1. Aliens: Earth Hive (this is the new title for the first miniseries from 1988)

    2. Aliens: Labyrinth

    3. Aliens: Berzerker

    4. Aliens: Genocide

    There are good moments in all the Aliens comics, but the ones mentioned above are basically ready to shoot. I wouldn’t change much from any of the stories.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:58 a.m. CST

    Blade Runner is a great Film! GREAT!

    by kirttrik

    It’s impressive that some can’t see that but then again this is the AVPR talk back. In conclusion, eat it douche bags.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:03 a.m. CST

    “There really is no excuse for this type of film.”

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Gee, I don’t know… to have some FUN at the movies? I know my friends and I certainly enjoyed it and I got my $9.00’s worth watching it! :)
    Every film doesn’t have to be the next Blade Runner… especially when it’s match-up between classic movie monsters.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:49 a.m. CST

    Golan-Globus!!!!!!

    by hamslime

    Now those were fun mindless movies! Someone needs to reteam Sam Firstenberg and Michael Dudikoff and make ANvP. American Ninja vs. Predator. It would have everything: violence, action, and no pretense of greatness. The fact is, the only reason anyone holds these movies in high regaurd is because of the Alien half of the franchise. The Alien movies were the only ones that shot for something more than just box office (wheather they reached it or not is debatable). You take Alien out of the equation and add ninjas then you have free range to make whatever crap you want. If it happens to be good that just gravy, but the bar would be set low enough that even Paul W.S. could clear it.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:48 a.m. CST

    Golan-Globus!!!!!!

    by ironic_name

    laserhawk, niggas!
    the go-go boys!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:57 a.m. CST

    Poor box office

    by otm shank

    Two schools of thought. One is the studio will see how bad the movie is doing and understand that they did not give the fans what they really wanted (i.e. not a good script, set on present day earth ect. ect.) and come back strong in a few years with something good. Two is they don’t realize what a tremendous mistake this was and assume wrongly that the movie did poorly because it was R rated and didn’t appeal to the mass market. With Fox’s track record it will probably be the later and we will be stuck in PG-13 hell forever. Damn.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:32 a.m. CST

    AvBR

    by Vern

    I like the arguments about BLADE RUNNER. Spandau had a good explanation of why BR comes out on top as Scott’s masterpiece (although everybody still got mad). Also I forget who it was but somebody earlier argued that BR had deeper themes than ALIEN and I think that’s a good argument although I’m not sure I think they’re as deep as everybody else does. But it’s a good point, it’s probaly trying for more thematically.

    So maybe I’m being superficial here but the reason I made the controversial choice of ALIEN is because I think it’s a more solid piece of filmmaking. It’s a tighter story, it has more tension, more build, more momentum, and better characters. I agree, Roy Batty is great, and so is Pris, and so are all of the other characters EXCEPT the two unlikable stiffs who take up most of the movie. If Ford was as charismatic as he is in other movies, or if the movie was about Roy and Pris, I might not feel that way.

    Also I think to be fair you gotta admit ALIEN does have some thematic depth too, as the characters struggle with whether to let somebody who is infected onto the ship and endanger the crew, or leave him out to die. Plus some class themes. And robots, come to think of it. Shit, he already did the humanity of robots in ALIEN! That settles it. ALIEN is the winner.

    How about we agree to this: ALIEN is a masterpiece. BLADE RUNNER is in a shiny plastic briefcase now. Also, most people consider it a masterpiece. Maybe it’s a tiesterpiece.

    (if that last paragraph was too Tom Bodet for you I apologize)

    Anyway, I’m glad nobody tried to pull an “actually, it’s GLADIATOR.”

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:06 a.m. CST

    “Geeker McGhee”

    by DocPazuzu

    Here’s another one of your plant tells:

    Despite talkbackers REPEATEDLY stating that it’s not just a positive opinion that gives a plant away, but a combination of things such as certain talking points, appeals and use of language, you STILL use the lame “oh, so now I’m a plant for liking the movie” defense.

    Here’s another tip for you:

    That companies and organizations use plants or advertising vampires to set trends and form opinions online is a very, very well-known and undisputed fact of modern, Western, market-driven society. Everybody knows this, so when you try to make plants sound like a myth, you’re showing how very little you understand about most people and their perception of things. You think you’re smarter and better than we are, which is condescending and erroneous. If anything, you’re the idiot here and have absolutely zero credibility.

    By the way, I love how you tried to start a discussion about the cost/profit ratio for AvP-Rectum by innocently asking if anyone knew how much the film cost to produce “since it seems to be doing well” at the B.O.

    You are a failure.

    Like I told the “other” guy, I should have your fucking job because you suck most profoundly at it.

    Hear that, Fox? Look me up in the Zone and we’ll set something up. Can these losers and get me on board!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:25 a.m. CST

    actually, it’s GLADIATOR

    by GavinVanDraven

    YEAH!so take that!!!!!!!!!

    ok, so here is my POV…..

    ALIEN is one of my favorite sci-fi/horror pics of all time, actually, its in a tie with john carpenter’s THE THING. ALIENS and PREDATOR are up there as well…………

    now as far as AVP-R goes, it was better than AVP. the overall mood was better… yes, darker and wetter is better. no pyramids, no instant chestbursting, no instant full grown aliens, no humans to beat us over the head explaining the plot. this was just straight up survival horror, with plenty of gore that the first one lacked. there was also no T-Rex sized QUEEN in this one, and no PREDATOR/Human team up that was seconds away from becoming a love scene had the over-sized Queen not shown up. my only major complaint is the PRED-ALIEN. it could have been designed better. it didnt need dreads for one thing. and i have a question,….. do we know how a PREDATOR reproduces? have we seen a female one yet? perhaps they are asexual and regurgitate thier newborns? this is the only logic i can give for the horrible descision to have the Pred-Alien mouth fuck pregnant women………………………….and oh yeah… i think pizza delivery boy storyline should be cut. but i think its a bit better movie than ALIEN RESSURECTION… as i did not care for that newborn thing at all and that movie was more of a parody. since when were alien killing tongue things limp? i see ALIEN 3 as being very flawed as well, and a big letdown after ALIENS… so if there were a beginning to this downward spiral it would be right there. ALIEN 3 should have been a dream sequence, Alien 4 should have been Ripley going to the ALIEN home world to wipe them all out. but alas it isnt so. i rank the entire series’s in this order… ALIEN, ALIENS, PREDATOR, PREDATOR 2, ALIEN 3, AVP-REQUIUM, AVP,ALIEN RESSURECTION, AVPD (ACE VENTURA PET DETECTIVE) AVH : alien vs hunter… a shit film by the ASYLUM meant to rip children off at blockbuster…. fuck ASYLUM. F them in the A!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:26 a.m. CST

    One more thing, “Geeker”…

    by DocPazuzu

    …how does it make you more believable that you’ve allegedly registered a TB handle ages ago but only now decide to come out and post?

    You are the “third” talkbacker (along with dutch75 and megpen) to debut in AvP-Rectum talkbacks and use the same combination of plant tells which have been detailed here and elsewhere.

    Seriously, go fuck yourself.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:46 a.m. CST

    First T2 hate, now BLADE RUNNER hate?

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Some of you guys are out of your FUCKING minds. Seriously.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:49 a.m. CST

    YIKES!

    by hamslime

    Brothers Strauss > Paul W.S. Anderson > Jean Pierre Junet. I actually can’t comment on AVP-R as I’ve not seen it, but AVP better than Resurrection? Seriously! Resurrection had the clones, the aliens sacrificing one of their own to escape, the revelation of Winoa Ryder being an android, Ron Pearlman, and most important, the guy from Se7en freaking out at the end. AvP had…it had…pyramids? Okay, I guess the Predators coming to earth and viewed as gods was interesting, but c’mon as an Alien movie it added nothing to the franchise except dollar signs.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:12 a.m. CST

    YIKES! Ressurection

    by hamslime

    Sorry to sound like I’m shitting on your opinion (I’m a die hard Michael Pare fan, who am I to judge taste). That just comes as a shock to me that AvP would beat out any sci-fi movie, let alone an Alien movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:29 a.m. CST

    Ressurection is MUCH better than AVP

    by Spifftacular Squirrel Girl

    Not that either movie is wonderful but I like to think with Ressurection that they were attempting to make a movie with a story (which I liked until the last third of it). AVP just seemed like crap thrown together around fight scenes between Aliens and Predators.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:37 a.m. CST

    Doc still at it!

    by dutch75

    It’s now getting amusing Doc. Poor Gheeker is probably a lonely insurance salesman living in North Dakota only trying to express his enjoyment on B-caliber Requiem.

    As for me, I realize it’s fruitless to argue with you so I’m not. I wanted to chime in again to let you know you amuse me! I must give you credit though–you do provide thorough (yet not sound) arguments for your case and seem to be well-versed in written word. I’m sure you will mold this statement into some sort of “plant” defense or a stab at manipulation (me, the plant, trying to fit in with TBers by using proper lingo, reverse psychology, flattery,etc.) so by all means go for it, as I’m going to sit back and enjoy.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:45 a.m. CST

    HOLLY FUCK,TheGhostWhoLurks:

    by travis-dane

    YOU ARE A PLANT!YOU PREFER THE SHITFEST X3 TO A MASTERPIECE LIKE X2!

    I AM SORRY FOR YOU!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:48 a.m. CST

    Wasn’t Deckard the 6th escaped skin job?

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    reprogrammed to hunt down the other surviving 4? I mean, it fits in with Tyrell’s scheme to make Replicants that don’t know they are Replicants. It also explains why the number of “Skin-Jobs” keeps changing. Anyone else agree?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:50 a.m. CST

    AND TO DUTCH75:

    by travis-dane

    GHEEKER MCFUCK IS A POOR ASSHOLE WHO COMPARES US TB´s TO THE HITLER YOUTH!I HOPE THAT PIECE OF SHIT NEVER SHOWS UP AGAIN!BUT IF HE DOES HE SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO US ALL!MAN I AM PISSED RIGHT NOW!!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:57 a.m. CST

    deathbird

    by misnomer

    yes. Alien 3 Assembly Cut just falls short of a gothic masterpiece in my opinion. After seeing it, Alien 3 became my favourite of the series.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:59 a.m. CST

    by misnomer

    as for Requiem, you have to feel for the directors. After following their comments on a fan site, it seems they had a REAL battle with Fox. Even they themselves admitted they wanted the movie to be set in space. I think they did a good job of polishing a turd of a script.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:27 a.m. CST

    smackfu, I’ll treat you with more respect than you treated me

    by Spandau Belly

    I see your point about how many countries produce cocaine etc. despite it being illegal. But in the Blade Runner universe there are many places where replicants are legal, so wouldn’t you build them there?

    And your comparison of Tyrel to Trump and how they both live in craphole cities despite beign millionaires. To me living in L.A. in Blade Runner is more like if Trump chose to live in Caracas than New York. Plus, New York is a business capital of the world. That’s where Trump does business. Tyrell’s business of replicants is illegal on Earth, so he doesn’t have to be here. I guess if you think of Tyrell more like a South American drug lord than a world class scientist and businessman his life and business choices make a bit more sense.

    And I get what you’re saying as to if you followed any top bounty hunter for a couple days you might not see what makes him “the best”. Well, this is a movie, and if filmmakers can find a way to work in unicorns, dwarves dressed like Prussian soldiers, oragami, new age jazz music, Asian culture, gymnastics, etc. then I don’t see why it would be so hard to show the hero catch a crook in a clever way or fight competantly.

    Maybe it’s my brain damage, but you also did not address my point as to why the Tyrell corp strives to make a worse product. Replicants are supposed to be slaves, grunts, etc. But Tyrell keeps trying to make them more human so that they rebel more and are harder to spot by the police/blade runners.

    Maybe some of my points are knitpicky, but if you watch any of that five hour documentary on the new Blade Runner DVD you’ll see the crew and director had no clear vision about this movie on any level other than production design even while they were making it.

    I think my enjoyment of this film as a mood piece and a fascinating dip into Ridley Scott’s subconscious is perfectly valid. But if you feel enough pieces of this world and plot and character motivations add up, then I envy your undamaged brain.

    P.S. Thanks for calling me dumb.
    ~Spandau

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:34 a.m. CST

    HITLER’S YOUTH? WE ARE THE OPPOSITE OF H’S Y.

    by BringingSexyBack

    Hitler’s Youth were about complete conformity. The fact that few people here are easily swayed by marketing propaganda and place a higher emphasis on personal tastes and trusted opinions shows we’re quite the opposite.

    Now if you’re talking about politics, then I agree, there’s quite a few of Hitler’s Youth here.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:36 a.m. CST

    THELMA & LOUISE IS SCOTT’S MASTERPIECE

    by BringingSexyBack

    It had none of Blade Runner’s logical missteps and Brad Pitt’s glorious abs!!!!!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:38 a.m. CST

    MAYBE MAKING THE REPLICANTS MORE HUMAN

    by BringingSexyBack

    gives them the drive for survival, and live longer under strenuous conditions. I don’t think the replicants – lacking the desire to live – survive for long as slaves.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:50 a.m. CST

    SkinJob69, your point about offworld colonies in BR

    by Spandau Belly

    You’ve got a very interesting interpretation of the offworld colonies being lousy slums and just having good ads. You compare it to joining the army, the ads make it seem like you’ll just be doing extreme sports for a living and not getting your fingernail pulled out with plyers for information you don’t know.

    I guess I always interpreted the offworld colonies as the suburbs. Where the homes aren’t necessarily well built and there’s no sense of community, but they all look nice and clean and people feel safe because they don’t have to look at hobos. I also figured there would be different quality ranges. Maybe some planets are like gated communities full of mansions?

    Since these colonies aren’t shown in the film, it remains one of the many many things left ambiguous and open to viewer’s explanation. But then why would they reject Mr. Sebastian from moving there on the basis of his accelrated decrepitude? There’s clearly a genetic discrimmination thing going on. Like Gattaca, which fits with my theory of the colonies being the suburbs in that they snob people based on superficialities because appearances of safety and order are all they have.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:04 a.m. CST

    dutch75

    by DocPazuzu

    I’ve already done everything I need to do to you. You and your ilk have been de-fanged and your charge has broken against our shields. Your inability to change or operate outside the parameters set up by your marketing group means that you are predictable and thus easy to discover, discredit and destroy.

    You’re terminated, fucker.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:11 a.m. CST

    Right on DocPazuzu!

    by travis-dane

    and still no response from GHEEKER MCFUCK!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:55 a.m. CST

    TERMINATED

    by dutch75

    Good one Doc. THAT’S the intensity that’s needed to discharge of me and my ilk. I tremble as I type these words, as your FURY HAS NO BOUNDS

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    DAMNIT

    by dutch75

    Didn’t mean to post so soon. Kind of neutralizes the humorous post that was unraveling.

    “You’re terminated, fucker,” I read, and then I gasped! Is my future not bleak enough for you? Have your intrepid investigations not done enough damage to me and my minions?

    Perhaps if I had the intensity and focus you have shown disclosing our identity, then maybe I wouldn’t be here, wallowing in my humiliation, my defeat!

    The PAIN, DOC,THE PAIN IS REAL!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Plant vs Idiot: Requieming Harder

    by ebonic_plague

    Dutch75, if you’re not a plant, you’re just an easily entertained idiot doing charity work for Fox’s marketing dept. DocP is giving you the benefit of the doubt, in my opinion. At least if you’re a plant you have a check coming. You’re a “cup is half full” kinda guy anyway, be proud of your job.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Saw the film…

    by DocMHumphrey

    The Predator scenes were entertaining. All the human bullshit sucked. Not the worst film of all time as described by other Talk-backers.

    When considering the worst film of all-time, you have to have a basis of comparison. Mine so happens to be “Troll 2”, which is the worst that I can tolerate. It is also a movie I have seen and if I happen to cross it being shown on TV, I will actually watch it to help me reference how bad it truly is.

    Seriously, all of us consider ourselves critics on some level, but yet half of us refuse to see films because of ego, pride, and elitism.

    I like to think of these Talk-backers in the same line of fire as wine snobs. You know the type, that one asshole that orders red wine with everything and treats it like a baby.

    Basically what I am saying is, don’t say something negative about the film unless you’ve seen it.

    I was in a conversation once with a group of people talking about James Bond, right about the time “Golden Eye” was released. Everyone was talking about how cool Pierce Brosnon. I happenned to ask what was everyone’s favorite Bond. Of course, there were a few Connery was the only Bond stereo-type involved, but then I said, I enjoyed Timothy Dalton as well, because I felt he was closer to the Bond in the books. Everyone said they hated him the most. I then asked, did you read the books? Did you see either Bonds films he was in? All of them, said “no”.

    So before you state your opinion, at least go see the fucking movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    hmmm….

    by dutch75

    Scratching my head at that one, plague. If I’m not a plant, how am I an idiot when Doc is the one obsessing over my identity? Look back at his pathetic posts and then ask yourself who is the idiot. But you are right about one thing, that I’m easily entertained! Oh, and I don’t mind doing charity work for Fox since apparently they need it after those box office #’s.

    I like the “be proud of your job”. That’s clever.

    All things being equal, I am having fun trading banter.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:59 a.m. CST

    well said DocMHumphrey

    by dutch75

    Couldn’t agree more. Some of these people rely too much on other’s opinions, unable to form them themselves. In my opinion, one misses out too much in life when relying on others.

    Spread your wings, folks! Be Free!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:36 p.m. CST

    spidercoz

    by Alonzo Mosely

    So, wait, now having an opinion about there needing to be standards is wrong. I keep getting told I am an idiot for expecting Shakespeare from a mainstream movie. We’ll ignore the part that Shakespeare was the Elizabethan equivalent of AvP, populist mass entertainment, because Shakespeare is imprinted in so many people’s minds as something it isn’t. So, anyway, I point out I don’t want Shakespeare, I want them to aim for the standards set by the exact same genre of movies just a couple of decades ago.

    Now I am told that by doing so I am showing anger, and anger is pointless, and I should just watch crap and wait passively for them to get better. Firstly I am not angry, trust me I have no problem displaying anger so it is recognizable. Secondly I am not sure what the purpose of AICN is, if the accepted norm is to endure anything and sit quietly awaiting an improvement. Thirdly, your mother with a goat etc.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Just face it–It’s OVER, Plants!

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    It’s entertaining to see you’ve gone back to the drawing board in the hopes of coming up with a victory plan, but the Normandy invasion already happened and this is nothing but some pale imitation of the Battle of the Bulge. I mean it’s one thing to say “Hey, I liked it.” but you keep harping on the fact you want the movie to do well and have come crawling back with your defensive posturing and godawful lame excuses for this thing–why? What the fuck do you care if it does big Box Office–you got your brainless Dawson’s Creek Squad vs. Aliens vs Papa John’s romp already. Go ahead and go back, and save up for the special edition dvd. Don’t claim that we’re being snobby film elites when all we’re doing is not supporting shit when we want some effort and common sense put into these movies. In conclusion: Nice last-minute dedication, Sirs Plantie P. Plantingpants, but sounds like most of the people who want to give up cash for Predator vs. Brother of Pizza Boy have already seen the film. Your work here is done. I think you all have a New Year’s cocktail party to put in face time at someplace.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Yes, I wanted Shakespeare

    by Vern

    It’s fuckin pointless man, I even stated in the review that what I wanted was at least PREDATOR 2. I wasn’t even holding it to the standards of the original movies it’s spun off from, just a lesser sequel. And still I get people saying I expected Shakespeare, GONE WITH THE WIND, etc. Same thing happened with my TRANSFORMERS review. In that one I asked for a higher standard than PREDATOR 2, perhaps unrealistically, but I gave about 15-20 examples of good “popcorn entertainment.” I’m not gonna start listing the things I’m NOT holding the movie to the standard of, sorry guys. Reading is fundamental by the way, I highly recommend it.

    Here’s what I don’t understand though. If you liked the movie and think it’s good, by all means defend it. But if you are openly stating that movies cannot realistically be held to any standards of quality, what the fuck are you doing here? Why do you read about movies? Why do you discuss movies? You don’t care about them, you don’t love them, you believe it is impossible to even make a good one in today’s trying times. Maybe that’s why Doc starts suspecting that you’re paid to be here. What other motive do you have?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:23 p.m. CST

    I understand…

    by dutch75

    why people are disappointed and used older movies as benchmark. No problem. I went through the same thing with AVP1, and came out the sore loser. That fucking hurt; I mean seriously, I was sad after seeing that piece of shit.

    I went into Requiem knowing that it wouldn’t compare to the oldies, and I was fine with that. Of course I would love to recapture the enjoyment I had watching the originals! But I knew that wasn’t realistic. And I totally understand why people here remain disappointed and don’t want to give their money to Fox; they are displeased with the franchise and want no part of it. That is fine and understandable. However, I’m a huge fan of aliens and predators and I was going to see the movie regardless. Why? Like I mentioned in an earlier post, just to maybe capture some of the magic of back in the day. And you know what? I did. The movie wasn’t great, probably not even good, but goddamn it was better than the first and does have some components of enjoyment.

    But see, at this fucking website one cannot say he likes something when the majority of talkbackers don’t. Unless of course we wants to get accused unmercifully of being a “plant”.

    Seriously, Vern, scroll up and take a look at some of the posts. Is there not Nazi-like zeal peppered throughout? Don’t you think maybe it’s a little overboard?

    One of the many things that pisses me off about the first AVP is that the shoulder cannons are barely used (once if I’m not mistaken). I thought this was a huge oppurtunity missed. Well guess what? Wolf motherfucking LIGHTS IT UP in this one. No shit, right? The shoulder cannon was used a lot in this one, was it not? Well, God forbid, I thought that was cool!

    The alien sound effects was another. Remember the elephant sounding screams the aliens emitted when they were killed? The same sounds were in this one. I liked it. Sue me.

    The predator vision modes. Fucking cool, as they used the same sound effects from original predator. I liked it.

    Call me shallow or whatever, but I liked most of the throwbacks. The humans sucked, the plot was stupid, but I enjoyed the technology and sound effects.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:25 p.m. CST

    should be a

    by dutch75

    paragraph break after “overboard” statement. Sorry!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Well said, Vern

    by caruso_stalker217

    Unfortunately, when movies like this are made by so-called “fans” (they saw ALIEN as kids and dreamed of always making an inferior version) we’re never going to get anything close to even PREDATOR 2 quality. Don’t get me wrong, though. PREDATOR 2 is a solid piece of filmmaking, although the predator only showing up when the main characters are around is suspicious. Anyway, these types of filmmakers like Paul Anderson will never understand what makes the originals great (tension, atmosphere, not being shitty) and will instead continue to make movies based on the cool action figures they played with in their mom’s basement.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Though I will admit…

    by caruso_stalker217

    … that I had Alien and Predator action figures when I was a kid and they were pretty cool. But I wouldn’t make a movie about them.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:04 p.m. CST

    I disagree that it’s not realistic…

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    To, if not recapture some Long Lost Mythical Quality of the originals, then at least be a competent sequel worth getting behind. The “technology and sound effects” just aren’t enough for me when the script is this bad–it makes the cool things hollow and results in disappointment and diminishing returns. Bless your heart, if you’re not a plant and it really did work for you, great. No one here can take that away from you, that you got an AvP film you enjoyed because it had the common decency to show good ol’ fashioned plasma cannon and vision modes and alien dying sounds. I can live with that, but don’t try to convince everyone that it’s the best we can get, and it had its moments, so get our ungrateful asses to the theater. I stand by my conviction that no, I for one won’t have anything to do with AvP until they make a decent effort to put all those cool things you mentioned into a decent storyline. The talent and money exist to write a Not-Worst-Idea-Ever screenplay and carry it out. This is not something unrealistic to hold out for.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Good God!

    by otm shank

    Stop it with the NAZI shit! It’s movie for Christs sake. You know who were nazi-like….THE NAZIS! You know who was hitler-like….HITLER! ENOUGH!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:08 p.m. CST

    and cholera

    by otm shank

    could not have said it better.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:09 p.m. CST

    ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    by dutch75

    Well put. However, I don’t recall forcing this down anyone’s throat or guilting anyone to get their “ungrateful asses” to the theater. As far as being happy for what we are getting, that was for me; I wasn’t speaking for others on this talkback. I said I was happy for getting at least something.

    I’ll disregard the “bless your heart” statement since I’m not sure if you are being an ass or not.

    Like I said earlier, I totally understand NOT getting behind this movie. Hell, I can’t honestly say that I’m BEHIND this film either, all I ever said or implied was that I got some enjoyment out of it. From then on it was all the plant rhetoric and I can’t believe I’ve invested all this time typing this just to prove otherwise.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:14 p.m. CST

    They should have hired David Twohy.

    by Neo Zeed

    He’s handled aliens, action, and sci-fi. He can also write screenplays as well.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:52 p.m. CST

    dutch75

    by DocPazuzu

    You keep saying that you can’t believe how much effort you’re putting into debating this and how you’re “done” and off to “better talks” yet you keep returning here, chained to the Fox organ grinder, wearing your little red bellhop costume with dented mug in hand, scrambling to salvage any credibility for this film.

    If you had said that you loved the movie and argued persuasively the reasons why, your continued presence here would be motivated. However, you’re feigning some sort of half-disinterest in the film hoping it will distance you enough from it in our minds so that you can keep arguing its selling points, i e “hey, what were you expecting – ALIEN?”

    If you really are so ambivalent about the film, why did you sign up for a TB account just to debut here and tell us just how little you cared about it?

    The final nail in your figurative coffin will be when you’re never heard from again after the AvP-Rectum talkbacks have faded and perhaps after a few perfunctory posts in other TBs to show that you’re really “one of us”. You people are so arrogant that even after having this pointed out to you, you will STILL disappear shortly, counting on our memories and attention spans to be negligible.

    You’ve been routed. Give it up and go back to the drawing board.

    I’ll see you here for AvP 3.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:12 p.m. CST

    dutch75

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    All fair enough if true. So maybe you’re just a talkbacker who happened to genuinely enjoy those parts of AvPR. Like I said, there’s no problem with stating an opinion and everyone has a hell of a time taking sides and booing and hissing each other in classic TB freeforall. But if you wish to avoid being called out as a plant in the future, avoid classic plantalicious statements such as “Go to the movie, enjoy wolf wreck shit, eat your popcorn, and be grateful these guys decided to give us another alien vs. predator movie,” which was one of the things said I was referring to that *maybe* you forgot about. The “bless your heart” thing can be taken either way, so just in case, make it the yes-being-an-ass if you’re not being legit in those opinions, and not-being-an-ass if you are. Alright, I think we can all go home now, knowing that the plants have been defeated, rights of legitimate minority opinions upheld, and fun had by one and all.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:27 p.m. CST

    dutch75

    by Scrolly

    “The humans sucked, the plot was stupid, but I enjoyed the technology and sound effects.”

    And based on that you’d recommend the film to others? WTF?

    What a strange way of rating movies you have. Bizarre.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:44 p.m. CST

    In Germany it is 2008 and I still think dutch75…

    by travis-dane

    and his fellow PLANTS are pissing me off!NO MORE NAZI SHIT PLEASE!Thats just not right!Call me asshole,fucker or shithead,but NAZI is not THE RIGHT THING TO USE IN A MOVIE TB!You just dont have any style or good taste!Just keep ignoring ME YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT THAT CALLS HIMSELF “dutch75″or say something with substance and not just allways whine about how AvP2 has this and that cool thing!If you dont like it,dont defend it SHITHEAD!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:45 p.m. CST

    AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL REAL MOVIELOVERS!

    by travis-dane

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Doc- hope you’re wrong about a future AvP3

    by SkinJob69

    ’cause AvP2-R(aped my childhood)
    maybe shitty reviews and BO will convince Fox to quit while they’re behind.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:48 p.m. CST

    scrolly

    by dutch75

    well I would recommend the film if that would be enough to slightly quench their thirst (that is, being entertained only on the nostalgia factor i.e. plasma blast, vision modes, etc.).

    By the way,DOC, LOL at your post. You amaze me. You guys must have really been burned in the past by these “plants”.

    Anyway, I’m off to celebrate New Years. I hope everyone has a great one!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:02 p.m. CST

    I knew “dutch75″would not answer Me!

    by travis-dane

    He is just a FUCKING COWARD!I hope you dont have a happy new year ASSHOLE!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:06 p.m. CST

    I can’t resist…

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    [waving fists as I fall to my knees in the surf] “Fox, you Maniacs!!! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to *hell*!”

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:42 p.m. CST

    Happy New Year to all you grumps!!! :)

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    I still loved the film, despite your opinions! Be gentle with Cloverfield…

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:02 p.m. CST

    IF they would only get rid of the Goddamn Humans

    by The UnGod

    This movie would rock. As long as there are Aliens fighting Predators or Predators fight Aliens or PredAliens (which worked FAR BETTER than I thought it would) these movies would rock! But do i care about geeks that are too old and too big to be bullied around while they try out there mating skills? Not in a goddamn Alien Vs Predator Movie do I not give one rats ass!!!!!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:54 a.m. CST

    The movie tanked

    by Vesuvio

    There might be a God, after all. Oh, and count me in to some Predator 2 loving. PS: ZEMECKIS for THE HOBBIT, CUARON for DEATHLY HALLOWS and FUCK YOU FOX MOTHERFUCKERS

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 8:18 a.m. CST

    travis-dane

    by dutch75

    It’s not Germans I’m comparing some TB’ers to, it the philosophy of Nazi-ism.

    They were determined, convinced, and unrelenting. Not unlike some of the posters here.

    Nevertheless, perhaps it was in bad taste, and if I offended you, then I DO apologize. I forget sometimes that this site is indeed international, so I will think twice before using that analogy.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Fuck Zemeckis

    by caruso_stalker217

    Let him make fucking TINTIN or something.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:34 p.m. CST

    OK dutch75 APOLOGIE accepted!

    by travis-dane

    Sorry for going apeshit on you,but it is a very touchy subject to me!So I wish you to a happy new year!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Hey Vern, what’s the best way to get a girl for 2008

    by kirttrik

    And when I say get, I mean court, like, sweep her off her feet. Any advice?

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2:34 p.m. CST

    This was missing the Predator getting struck by lightening via P

    by Mike_D

    I think vern would have loved it then.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2:38 p.m. CST

    Defending AVPR

    by Series7

    Reading the last thing that Vern post really got me thinking about my love for movies. Because I did enjoy AVPR to some extent, but mainly because I took it for what it was, not hearkening back to the originals. I thought about this and wondered if it made me an ass. But then I realized that no one who was involved in the original movies had anything to do with this movie and once that happens to a series, the best you can hope for is just a polished turd. I know Scott was shoot down with his ideas to reinvent the series. But lets face it FOX owns this series now and FOX is made up of idiots. At least they are not trying to remake the originals ala every John Carpenter movie. I guess if I had more geek conviction I should hate this movie, but fox if why this movie sucked (and the use of Daniel Pearl). DH4 almost falls into this territory but is saved because Bruce stuck with it. OH and mode_7 I totally called the fact that the AVP series has to be one of the top TB discussions.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2:43 p.m. CST

    Question

    by Series7

    I haven’t seen Blade Runner since I was a wee lad, but I just watched Legend last night (realized I watched the not good version, which is why it didn’t make much sense). But I saw the preview for the new Blade Runner and saw the unicorns from Legend, and some TB’er mentioned that there was unicorns in Blade Runner. I guess this is true? After seeing whats happened to Blade Runner/Legend/Kingdom of Heaven why doesn’t Scott get final cut on his films? Its not like he is some weird new director who just doesn’t understand editing, he’s one of the best directors ever you think he would have less studio involvement in his movies.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:21 p.m. CST

    Series7

    by otm shank

    The unicorn was there to show that Dekkard might be a replicant. I prefer to think otherwise. As for final cut…that was only his third movie release. He probably didn’t have the pull then he has now.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 10:21 p.m. CST

    Travis-dane

    by Geeker McGhee

    please read some of the above posts – just an example, someone saying that the Director of Photography should have his head cut off may just earn this talkback the comparison to a Hitler Youth Rally, dontcha think?

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 10:36 p.m. CST

    For it to be Hitler youth…

    by Alonzo Mosely

    It would need to be say Vern declaring that and everyone agreeing and parroting him. Making extreme, and offensive, statements over trivial matters has no connection to Nazism, no matter how you people try and spin it. Nazi is just an easy term to grab at, but I find the majority of people who evoke it have little to no understanding of what the term actually meant. Still, there probably wasn’t time for History classes with all the marketing courses you guys took in college.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Having someones head cut off..

    by otm shank

    seems more like a jihadist move anyway.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by dutch75

    I’ll put in a good word for you.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 4:59 a.m. CST

    GEEKER:JUST STOP IT!DEFENDING…

    by travis-dane

    YOUR POST IS EVEN WORSE!UNDERSTAND THIS:IN A NAZI GERMANY WE WOULD NOT HAVE THIS TB!YOU,SINCE YOU ARE THE MINORITY HERE,WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW!AS I POSTED EARLIER AND I STAND BY THAT:NO APOLOGIE,THEN FUCK YOU!!!DUTCH75 DID THE RIGHT THING;YOU CAN DO IT TOO!YOU ARE INSULTING EVERYBODY HERE WITH COMPARING US ALL TO THE WORST HUMANS WHO EVER WALKED THE EARTH!

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 5:07 a.m. CST

    And to Alonzo Mosely…

    by travis-dane

    THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST!ALL OTHER TB`s WHO POSTED LIKE ALONZO(I KNOW THERE ARE SOME)THANK YOU TOO!man that SHIT gets me hot!

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 7:15 a.m. CST

    Series7, re: Question

    by Spandau Belly

    Ridley always maintains that he himself made the changes to Kingdom of Heaven and then later regretted them. He claims he was too close to the project for too long and lost sight of how many of the scenes that got cut were important to the film. With the exception of the plotline of Sybilla’s son, which he says the studio wanted cut since the early drafts of the script, but he argued them into letting him film those scenes in a way that they could be easily taken out.

    The same sorta goes for Blade Runner. If you watch the documentary on the new DVD, Ridley talks about poor test screenings for Blade Runner and how he is the type of guy who always wants to “fix the problem” and make a movie people will enjoy. He takes responsibility for some of the changes, including the drive in the country ending. I’ve never heard him claim a movie was completely taken away from him and mangled. He always maintains that he tries to work with the studio as much as possible to make an enjoyable film.

    As for Legend, I don’t know much about that film. But Scott always uses the term “prefered cut” instead of “director’s cut” because he takes some degree of responsibility for all cuts of his films that get released.

    Special note: He really disliked that Quadrilogy recut of Alien being marketted as the “director’s cut” because he prefered the theatrical cut, he just thought the Alien recut was more like an “alternative cut done by the director”. The same goes for Gladiator. They put out a longer cut of the film on DVD, and he apparently introduces it saying that he feels it’s inferior to the theatrical cut and it’s just an “alternative cut”, and it was just released as “extended edition” but they did advertise “with special introduction by the director” even though it turns out to be a negative intro.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 7:19 a.m. CST

    I said the same thing…

    by Abominable Snowcone

    in my review on the other AvP talkback about “there’s a halfway decent Predator movie” in this mess. But it comes to nothing. This predator has one new toy–the laserweb perimeter. And he uses it once, and it takes all of two minutes. Just about everything else in the movie sucks. Like the infrared goggles Ms. Tough Military Chick brings home for her daughter. You know you’re gonna see them again later, and you do, when the girl uses ’em to, you know, see an alien. But the thing is, nobody NEEDS infrared lenses to see aliens. Fucktards.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 7:39 a.m. CST

    Spandau Belly

    by Series7

    Thanks for the Clarification. I am getting tired of all these DVD releases and re-releases. Maybe AVPR will have a special Brothers Strauss edition.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Along with the laserweb

    by Series7

    When the Predalien mouth fucked the pregnet lady was a new addition for the series. That was pretty funny. Did anyone else notice that as the Alien series moved along it got easier and easier to impregnat humans?

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 7:54 a.m. CST

    Series7, AvP:R:Strauss Cut, COUNT ON IT!

    by Spandau Belly

    I have no doubt that AvP2 will be released on DVD at first as ‘unrated’ so that they can get some gorehounds to give it a chance hoping for some big blood.

    Then they’ll release a ‘Strauss Cut’ to get some people who saw it in the cinemas and hated it to maybe give it a second chance.

    Then when they make AvP 3 they’ll put out a fancy box set with a sticker on the package saying “Includes must-see never-before-seen footage” but it will just turn out security camera footage of Paul W.S. Anderson smoking on a break outside the studio.

    Then they’ll make the entire AvP series just a special feature easter egg on the HD Blu Ray rererererererererelease of Evil Dead.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    Series 7 and Spandau

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Yeah, in the next one the Aliens and Predators will only have to touch people with a glowing ET finger and bingo, they’re pregnant with an alien. Or maybe when the aliens take a shit, those turds will be new aliens.

    Spandau, I know what you’re saying but I think the problem with this movie wasn’t the gore, but everything else. The Strauss brothers were like, “We’re gonna make it violent! It’s gonna be Rated R!” and while I think they delivered in the gore department, all the human characters sucked and the script was weak. For me, the strongest five minutes in the movie was when Predator “lands” in a small lake, walks out of the water, checks his bearings, then fights his first aliens in the sewer with that laserweb thing. A new toy is always good. Too bad it didn’t amount to much more than a couple seconds of eyecandy.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    LP…surprised you put yourself through it

    by just pillow talk

    Though I did watch Ghostrider, so which one was worse? hmmmm…..

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Alien is not just a monster movie

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Just my two cents here on the Alien influence debate.

    I’ve always thought the original Alien was more than just a “haunted house in outer space” or “scary monster on a spaceship.” Sure, it had those elements. But the movie had so many groundbreaking firsts, I find it suprising that so many people forget. Not until Alien was a spaceship interior presented as something other than bright, sleek, futuristic. The Nostromo was simply a larger version of the inside of a cab of an 18 wheeler, because that’s essentially what the crew were–space truckers. I loved the darkness of it. How the camera slowly panned around at the beginning, prior to the crew being woken, and nothing is said for like the first ten minutes. You see the hallways. The kitchenette. The teletype of the “distress call” flashing off that helmet faceplate. Alien was also vaguely sexual, the whole idea about being impregnated by a facehugger. The undertone was of rape. Ash the android makes this clear when he tries to choke / smother Ripley with a rolled-up magazine. It’s a psychotic act by a synthoid borne partially out of the frustration that he himself cannot perform sexually as a human male. And of course, there’s the Giger design, based on his own Necronomicon, itself a tribute to all things phallic and vaginal, all sloping tubes, piping, and dark sheaths. And meanwhile you get Ripley, the seemingly put-offish tough warrant officer who seems to have a thing for Dallas. But otherwise, no one and nothing gets under her skin. But will the monster infliltrate her? Make a woman out of her, as opposed to the man-ish bitch she comes across as being?

    Long story short, if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Alien has many admirers. Blade Runner was terrific, but Scott didn’t do the dystopia-on-earth thing until a couple years after he did the Freudian Frankenstein in Space thing with Alien.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Predator vs. Predator

    by Abominable Snowcone

    That’s a good premise, right dere I say. Have like, the normal “noble” hunter predator doing his thing, only there’s a outcast criminal predator messing shit up, and they have a throw-down. And get this. The things being hunted can be heretofore unseen creatures on new planets. That’s right–someone will have to use their imagination and come up with new creatures! And the teens who get caught in the middle and slaughtered can be like, uh, space camp counselors or something.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 2:10 p.m. CST

    I saw the movie last week

    by Abominable Snowcone

    and since then I’ve visited the official web site a couple times, hoping to see an apology posted, or an explanation by the strause brothers saying, “we’re sorry–but they had grandma hostage and they were gonna KILL HER!” Just something…anything…

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 2:14 p.m. CST

    maternity scene was too much

    by drewlicious

    For a movie that had aspirations that weren’t much more than gorefest, the suggestion of dead babies (chewed up and crunched alive) was just too dark for the material. The hybrid’s reproductive methods would have made more sense if it did that in the first place because now we have to accept once again that these things grow up in five minutes. The maternity ward would have made a better sequence for a plot point than anything. It would have been legitmately scary if the main characters had to protect it from the hordes of aliens because the mere suggestion is disturbing. But nope apparently we are supposed to see the maternity ward for five seconds just for the sake of disturbing the audience. That’s abuse not entertainment. Shame. We had gore, good-looking versions of the aliens, a new setting for both, and a decent concept. What we got in addition to that was shit characters, unsatisfying gore, sloppy action, and a plot that is reduntant (we know all about these things quit reminding us) and pointless.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Quotes from the Aliens Saga

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Alien: “Ash is a robot! Ash is a goddamned Robot!” – Parker

    Aliens: “Get away from her, you bitch!” – Ripley

    AvP-R: “Are you looking at me…or are you looking at the clock?”

    Which quote doesn’t belong?

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 2:27 p.m. CST

    Ressurrection: So close

    by drewlicious

    Great gore. Interesting characters. Good visuals. At times royally fuckd up (clone scene). Yet I hated it with a passion after the hybrid showed it’s face. Ugly and hokey and if anything just shows how brilliant the original design is. Plus I felt bad for the damn thing. It looked justfiably hurt when Ripley killed it. I don’t want to sympathize with these things, I want to fear them.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 2:34 p.m. CST

    this movie is worse than ghost rider

    by Lloyd Bonafide the Korean War Veteran

    and that is saying a lot. i hated every insulting second of it, hated the wanna-be sentimental music during the “human” moments, the lame ex-con brother, the “cop with a shady past whose now reformed”…all that shite. its my fault for going to see it.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    So the next one is gonna be Aliens vs. Predators?

    by turketron

    Extra s’s for extra shittyness. Glad I haven’t seen this, but I’m sure I inevitably will someday. But I won’t pay money… no f’n way. And I’ll be sufficiently inebriated.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 4:36 p.m. CST

    2aliens1cup

    by turketron

    Make it, you Fox assholes. But make it about hot illegal aliens pressing their butts together and taking massive dumps into coffee mugs at the same time. Make it a competition. Then, use the crap to make Aliens vs. Predators: Deuces Wild.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 5:13 p.m. CST

    I sadly kinda liked it

    by masterless

    I went into the theater knowing that I wasnt getting an ALIENS or PREDATOR caliber film. Hell, after AVP I knew this one was gonna be a popcorn flick. So, I wasnt too horrified over the bullshit acting, retarded plot points, anti-climatic ending. They did had a decent premise (aliens infests town, predator tries to eliminate aliens, humans try to survive chaos). My main gripe was the FUCKING FIGHT SCENES WERE HORRIBLY SHOT AND CHOREOGRAPHED. Shaky cam and EXTREME close ups are for idiots who dont want to take the time to pull of great fight scenes. IMO they should have only had the new hybrid pred/alien survive the Pred ship crash and infest the town with its new form of throat sex babies!

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    I was one of the ones that dissed Vern for his Transformers revi

    by vezner2007

    and yeah, Vern, I gotta agree with you on your review of AVPR. IMO Transformers WAS Shakespeare when you compare it to AVPR. If I thought AVPR had horrible dialog and acting, so much so that it totally ruined the movie, you KNOW it must be bad since I REALLY dug Transformers. BTW, I’m not a huge fan of AVP but I think it’s awesome compared to AVPR. IMO the only guy that should be loving AVPR is Paul Anderson because it proves that he doesn’t suck the most at making an Alien/Predator film.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 12:42 a.m. CST

    You know

    by Series7

    We mock and dis all the problems with AVPR. But my biggest problem was the roof top scene. What sort of hospital has a maze of air conditioners and fences and walls to get to the helicopter pad? Wouldn’t be a straight shot from the door to the pad?

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 6:28 a.m. CST

    Series 7

    by Shan

    I can’t speak for that hospital but having worked in several, I can say logic does seem to go out the window with some of the designs and layouts of these places.

    Case in point: Liverpool Hospital, NSW Australia is possibly the only hospital in the world bisected by a suburban train line. The helipad used to be on one side and the hospital was on another. Until the day a patient was raced there by chopper and found themselves stuck on one side while a very long train blocked the ambulance from getting to the other side for some time – and I think they died. The helipad is now on the building.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 6:30 a.m. CST

    PS

    by Shan

    that “fictitious” hospital I should say …

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 6:39 a.m. CST

    Don’t pay for this shit. I fought the urge!

    by Mace Tofu

    The only power you have is to stop going to crap like AVP-R. Fight the urge. If you have to see a “Small town Vs” movie Rent “Critters” or “Eight Legged freaks” because AVP-R is really just the same plot as those two movies only with Aliens & Predators. Too Bad Hollywood didn’t let someone shoot a AVP movie on those PLUTO NASH sets before they tore them down. Sad to think the writer is on strike so he can get PAID more money for AVP-R downloads in the future when he was overpaid for writing the crap in the first place. I hope the strike goes on for years. Clean out some of them creative cobwebs.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 6:42 a.m. CST

    Lloyd – holy fuck, that’s saying a lot…

    by just pillow talk

    LP, I now understand, given the context of the acquirement of said DVD.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 8 a.m. CST

    Happy new year, AICN types

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    Damn, I hardly ever get chance to post (or even read) these days, but I have had fun reading this one. Can’t go wrong with a Vern-related TB.
    Anyway, good to know JPT and Jarv and Spandau and whatnot are still knocking about. Happy new year, guys.
    Frank

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 8:10 a.m. CST

    why not enjoy something new for NEW YEAR?

    by kily2007

    Hey! so nice discussion , BUT NEW YEAR is coming, how to celetrate the wonderful days? you love to try something new? http://interracialsingleonline.com you will be surprised there…

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 8:39 a.m. CST

    Franky…what’s up?

    by just pillow talk

    By the way, I did check out Perfume as part of our Transatlantic Movie Exchange Program….a very different and unique movie, that’s for sure. The orgy scene at the end sealed the deal for me…3 thumbs up!
    Damn, there’s Pumpkin head sequels?!? One cannot hope that they exist at the same level as Lep, but do they match up to the silliness of the first Pumpkinhead?

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 8:40 a.m. CST

    oh, and Franky…FF2 was really bad

    by just pillow talk

    but could not approach Ghostrider. :-)

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 8:51 a.m. CST

    hmm…that’s not good

    by just pillow talk

    One would think Pumpkinhead would retain its ‘excellence’….tis a shame.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 9:26 a.m. CST

    well, there’s only one painful way to find out…

    by just pillow talk

    I’m sure your little friend with the suitcase has them!

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Franklin T Marmoset, you’ve been missed

    by Spandau Belly

    cheers, mate!

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 12:29 p.m. CST

    Gheeker/Dutch Fuck Off Plants- Classic TB

    by DeckardBladeRunner

    The pure FOX Schill/Shammery that is these two fucking fraud “fans” who are just green oozing plants for this garbage, has made for some classic reading today… what a great talk back- and Fuck both of their PLANTING to their whore masters back at FOX Central.

    Maybe they will tell us that FLASH GORDON in NAME ONLY on the SCI Fi Network is actually great television, and it JUST RAWKS!!!

    To meet some other wonderful plants online for a good laugh- google “eberhart” or “koenigrules” and “flash gordon” to see some pathetic plant-ing.

    Fucking Plants

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 1:02 p.m. CST

    One other complaint…

    by vezner2007

    am I the only one that thinks it was WAY over the top to show an 8 year old get killed? I also think showing the nursery in the hospital was a bit over the top…and the prego lady getting her guts eaten out. Yeah, it was just a bit much for me. I don’t mind gore but geez.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 1:02 p.m. CST

    One other complaint…

    by vezner2007

    am I the only one that thinks it was WAY over the top to show an 8 year old get killed? I also think showing the nursery in the hospital was a bit over the top…and the prego lady getting her guts eaten out. Yeah, it was just a bit much for me. I don’t mind gore but geez.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 1:03 p.m. CST

    sorry for the double post

    by vezner2007

    my bad

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Ghost Rider vs. Human Torch

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Whoever wins…we all lose.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Just watched RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION

    by caruso_stalker217

    Russell Mulcahy should be ashamed.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 6:43 p.m. CST

    Yes caruso_stalker217,he should be!

    by travis-dane

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 6:52 p.m. CST

    I actually liked the first twenty minutes or so

    by caruso_stalker217

    It almost seemed like it was a real movie. Then it quickly became apparent that it was some sort of DAY OF THE DEAD/ROAD WARRIOR re-tread with that special Paul W.S. Anderson shittyness thrown in. Then Alice had that EMPIRE STRIKES BACK moment, lifting rocks with her mind and shit. Then Dr. Isaacs injected himself with the virus and turned into Michael Rooker from SLITHER. It’s actually the worst of the three because it’s so uninspired and boring. I actually prefer APOCALYPSE over this shit. I’m one sad motherfucker.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 7:50 p.m. CST

    It`s ok caruso_stalker,

    by travis-dane

    CAPCOM is doing a full CGI RESIDENT EVIL movie!It will surely life up to the original ideas of the game.AND I am hoping for a cool WESKER,not that lame EXTINCTION SHIT wesker!Now I am sad!

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 10:39 p.m. CST

    I love the look and tone of the games…

    by caruso_stalker217

    …but they annoy the shit out me. Like FINAL FANTASY, they are games that I prefer to watch, not to play.

  • Jan. 4, 2008, 3:03 a.m. CST

    Damn, still going!

    by otm shank

    This talkback created more buzz than the movie itself.

  • Jan. 4, 2008, 5:18 a.m. CST

    Cheers, guys

    by Franklin T Marmoset

    Glad you liked Perfume, JPT. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I liked it. Mind you, stick a hot redhead in anything and I’ll be entertained…
    All AICN types who remember the glorious Vern Vs Transformers TB may be interested to know I recently watched Transformers on DVD (as I was instructed to do by Vern). Strange experience. It was a bit like being drunk, in that I couldn’t quite see anything clearly, I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening, and I was filled with a gnawing feeling that I was making a terrible mistake. Damn you, Michael Bay.
    Thanks to Jarv for letting me know of the existence of Pumpkinhead sequels. I cannot, for some reason, resist a cheap horror sequel. And no, nothing can possibly equal the majesty of the Leprechaun series, especially parts 3 and 4. Gods bless Warwick Davies!
    P.S. If anyone is bored, e-mail me here: franklin_t_marmoset@yahoo.co.uk. What else am I going to do with my time?
    P.P.S. I am not interested in this AvP-R business. Totally on topic (great review, Vern).

  • Jan. 4, 2008, 6:36 a.m. CST

    redheads = good idea

    by just pillow talk

    Plus, I can’t remember the last movie I liked Dustin Hoffman in….
    And I also rented Transformers not too long ago, and boy, was that suckage. Why oh why did that movie have to be 2 hours long???

  • Jan. 4, 2008, 1 p.m. CST

    I saw TRANSFORMERS in the theater

    by caruso_stalker217

    I thought the movie had to be 2 hours and 40 minutes, at least. I think it’s actually twenty minutes shorter than that. Felt like the Autobots didn’t show up until the 1:10 mark. What a bloated pile. I liked the music, though. Even if it the composer did rip off Hans Zimmer a lot.

  • Feb. 12, 2010, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Orcus is just passing through

    by orcus

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.
This entry was posted on Friday, December 28th, 2007 at 2:15 am and is filed under Action, AICN, Horror, Monster, Reviews, Science Fiction and Space Shit, Vern Tells It Like It Is. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 Responses to “VvAvP-R”

  1. Fair enough points. I actually liked this one. I felt like this was the AVP movie I wanted to see. It has aliens fighting predators and some humans get in the way and they kill them. That’s all it had to be. The contemporary setting made it fun for me, as opposed to that underground pyramid I didn’t care about because it had no relevance to anything in the world or the mythology of the two creatures. I thought the Strauses actually handled the humans right. They had to have them because the studio wouldn’t let them just do a monsters only movie, but they made them as insignificant as they should be. Just fodder and horror movie stereotypes. But they went there. The face hugger, that was beautiful.

  2. ALIEN VS PREDATOR: RATATOUILLE would have been awesome. They must make it.

    Also,
    AvP: REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE
    AvP: ROMEO MUST DIE
    AvP: RANCHO NOTORIOUS
    AvP: (A) RAGE IN HARLEM
    AvP: REINDEER GAMES
    AvP: RED SONJA
    AvP: THE REMAINS OF THE DAY
    AvP: THE RETURN OF FRANK JAMES
    AvP: ROAD HOUSE
    AvP: ROBOCOP

  3. caruso_stalker217

    July 11th, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    This was definitely worse than AVP. And the predator here was a fucking moron. He gets sent to Earth to clean up the mess and melt all the evidence so nobody knows any shit went down. But when he has to kill a couple humans out of necessity, instead of melting them or burying them or something like that to, you know, hide the evidence — HE FUCKING SKINS THEM AND HANGS THEM FROM A TREE.

    I thought the preds in the first AVP were fucking incompetent, but this asshole takes the cake.

  4. I just saw this for the first time on FX. Nice HD presentation. I had originally bought tickets opening day, but when I got to the cineplex and found out the movie was not being screened in a theater with stadium seating (small town, we only got 4) I got pissed and got my refund and went home. So this one has sort of been on the backburner for me.

    The timing is pretty good because I just saw PREDATORS last week, which I absoultely hated. It played off as a bad spoof of the original to me, like the Mel Brooks version of McT’s Predator or something. It had one, maybe two moments, but just didn’t work for me.

    All that being said, I’m surprised to say that I kinda liked AvP 2 – R. FTopel hit all the main points I was considering following the film’s conclusion. My expectations were six-feet-under low, so I was not expecting anything at all from the human characters, I just wanted my Predators and Aliens to kick each other’s ass silly, racking up a human kill count as they went. The Brothers Strause delivered just that. It was kind of like watching an old Godzilla movie, where you don’t really give a shit about what the people are doing, you’re just wating for the monsters to show up and have an epic battle and cheer on Godzilla in victory. I know our Predator dies here, but he sure did whoop some Alien ass along the way.

    Dark Horse Comics put out some incredible Predator/Aliens stories back in the 1990’s. Hell, even the Batman vs. Predator crossover was five-star caliber, and would be a hell of a film in the right hands. I know trying to talk a studio head into going that general direction with an Alien or Predator film would be impossible for financial reasons, but it’s at least a start.

    Oh well. PREDATORS has had a decent run at the Box Office, and Ridley Scott is revving up the ALIEN prequel, so we’ll be getting more of both franchises. I just hope that future Alien and Predator films can be made without trying so damn hard to mimic or recreate the feeling of or emulate the original movies. Some nice original stories would be welcome from this universe. Oh well.

  5. Just checking in to see if Salerno had popped up to defend himself yet.

    … Nope.

    Though from all I’ve heard about SKYLINE, maybe the Super Straus Bros are more guilty. No sign of them here either.

  6. What’s sort of amazing to me in this movie is that since it sort of picks up right after the other movie where the alien versed the predator, if one were to eliminate as much of the human characters as possible, there’s a solid little flick buried in the middle of these.

    Would now be a good time to do some shameless self-promotion and provide a link to my cut of AVP: Annihilocalypse, which does exactly that? It’s an hour and 3 minutes of aliens versing predators, with mostly better music, and very few humans.

Leave a Reply





XHTML: You can use: <a href="" title=""> <img src=""> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <b> <i> <strike> <em> <strong>