I'm not trying to be a hero! I'M FIGHTING THE DRAGON!!

God help us… Vern has seen X3…

SPOILER ALERT !!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Vern has done it again. I gut-laughed at least 3 times during this review… It contains some spoilers, so be warned of that. All these positive reviews for X3 give me hope for the film, but I am worried about a common thread going through these reviews that seem to say that if you care at all about the comics or how these characters will be different from their comic book forms then you might not like the film. Is it wrong to be a geek about a comic book movie? I just know that I loved the Dark Phoenix Saga and I wish I could shake the original comic telling of her story going into the movie, but I know I can’t. I really hope I’m smiling as hard as Vern was when watching the flick. Sounds huge and fun. After Vern, I have another review that is from a fan that is very honest about the film, but is kind of a sad read. Enjoy the laughter and happiness first!

X-MEN 3: THE THIRD AND LAST STAND OF THE X-MEN

Fellas,

In the talkback for my review of last week’s big movie, SEE NO EVIL, Brycemonkey requested that I review X-MEN 3: X3 THE THIRD X-MEN. As someone who strives for excellence that puts me in a tough position because on one hand I want to make the newsies happy by reviewing the movie, but on the other hand I’m not sure they’ll like it because I don’t know jack and/or shit about the X-Men outside of these movies.

Ordinarily that would be okay, most movies you’re not expected to do twenty years of preparatory research before you are allowed to have an opinion about them. But X-Men is different. I don’t know if anybody else has ever noticed this before, but through my personal experiences here and there I’ve made an observation that some people take this comic strip shit VERY seriously. Don’t worry, I’m not talking about you. You’re cool. But those other guys are fuckin NUTS. what a bunch of nerds, am I right? ha ha we’re different though.

X-Men: The Last StandDon’t worry I’m not gonna turn this into some attack on comic strip fundamentalism, but I just want to establish that some of you will still hate this movie, even though it’s good. Because I’m not looking for the same things you are. I don’t even know what to look for. But as someone who was surprised to enjoy the first two pictures (hell, read my review of part 2, RIGHT HERE it’s literally a love letter) I was satisfied with part 3. To my ignorant eyes, it’s just as good.

The movie picks up a little bit after X PART 2. Jean Grey is still dead underwater (like Godzilla) and Cyclops (remember, the whiny douchebag with the sunglasses) is real grim and brooding. You can tell he has been deeply changed by this tragedy, because he has stubble. However things seem pretty good otherwise because the president of the US was so impressed by Professor X-Man stopping time and making a big speech at the end of part 2 that he appointed a furry blue mutant to his cabinet as the Secretary of Mutant Affairs. This is of course Kelsey Grammar from ‘Cheers’ and although he does a good job this is probaly gonna be pretty controversial. The writers took alot of poetic license with his character, he doesn’t eat cookies or have googly eyes anymore and they call him “Hank.”

Hank is the first good guy mutant to find out about some fucked up bullshit that is the main plot of the movie. It seems that the fucking humans have gone and created a “cure” for being a mutant. My favorite X-Man by far, Mystique, was actually the one who caught on to this, stealing the info from the FDA, but she got apprehended by The Man. I always liked Mystique because she has the right attitude about being a mutant. Her power is to change into any form, so it would require no effort for her to appear “normal.” And yet she chooses to walk around as a scaly naked blue chick with orange hair and eyes. That’s just her thing, man. If you got a problem with it, what I would like you to do is take that problem you have and stick it up your ass. She’s here, she’s blue and orange, get used to it.

In part 2 of course my girl Mystique busted Magneto out of the joint, and Magneto is enough of a gentleman that he returns the favor. But the escape is botched. Poor Mystique. I kind of thought things would turn out bad for her, because I’m sure at some point Rebecca Romijn-she’s-not-Stamos-anymore-fellas is gonna turn down the opportunity to spend 4 hours every day getting glued and painted. But what happens to Mystique is worse than I imagined and, depending how you interpret it, could mean she’s not quite as right on as I always thought. But I believe in her.

Meanwhile, the other pretty lady in X-land, Famke Janssen’s Jean Grey comes back to life but is part evil and out of control and etc. This ties in to the thread from the whole trilogy where Professor X-Man tries to convince her to control her powers and Magneto tries to convince her to unleash them. But for the first time Magneto gets his way.

Like the other two, this exists in an alternate political landscape where this whole “mutant cure” business becomes a big controversy. A bunch of sellout uncle tom mutants including one of the Academy Award winning cast members line up to get cured while others protest and Magneto tries to lead a revolt. Even more than in the other two, I found myself siding with Magneto on this one. If the cure was voluntary like they say, that would be one thing. But we see that the fucking humans are shooting it out of guns, and that’s bullshit.

Magneto gathers all the mutants (you can tell by their tattoos and leather) in the woods and then they attack the facility that makes the cure, which by the way is on Alcatraz for some reason. So you got the two overlapping storylines of Jean Grey’s out of control magic powers and this bullshit with trying to cure mutants. And then sad things happen, etc.

There are two main things I like about the X-Pictures. The first one is the way they use this mutant concept as a metaphor for things we can relate to in our mutant-free world. Everybody always mentions that Magneto is Malcolm X and Xavier is Martin Luther King (which is kind of weird since Martin Luther King’s space age jet probaly didn’t have missiles on it) and I don’t know if anybody here has heard about this yet, but Bryan Singer is actually gay so you can read a certain symbolism about anti-gay bigotry into the way humans treat the mutants in the movies.

The other main thing I like is the way there’s so much grey area between good guys and bad guys that I always end up rooting for the bad guys. I mean don’t get me wrong, Logan Wolverine is cool and everything, but I think Professor X-Man trusts the humans a little too much. When they’re shooting the cure out of guns that crosses a line.

Well both of those two main things that I like are present in part 3 and maybe even more than in the previous ones. The whole concept of the cure can obviously be applied to alot of things in life. It makes you think about that silly idea of “curing” gays, but it can be applied to any minority or oppressed group. You could get the cure and people wouldn’t stare at you anymore and maybe you would make new friends. But then you would remember that those new friends are the same assholes that stared at you just because you were blue. Mystique knows getting cured is bullshit, and she also refuses to respond to her “slave name.” If you are ever in a bind ask yourself “WWMD(BSS)” which means “What would Mystique do (besides shape shift).”

That’s why even more than in the other two I was rooting for Magneto’s side. Admittedly, part of their plan involves killing a kid. Which I’m against. And they did have some part about taking over the world after they get rid of the cure. But the main thing is getting rid of the cure, which I can get behind more than the diabolical super villain plans Magneto had in the other ones. When The Brotherhood are attacking Alcatraz and the humans turn out to have a surprisingly good counter-attack, I found myself worried, thinking “oh shit, they’re gonna get slaughtered, what are they gonna do?” Then when Logan Wolverine and friends showed up to protect the building I actually got pretty uncomfortable. They seem like sellouts. What the fuck are they doing? And then an opportunity presents itself to defeat Magneto but it involves an ethical question, and I think Logan and friends arrive at the wrong answer on that one.

I don’t know, maybe that’s the one way that this was not as good as the other two to me, that I actually thought that what the X-Men were doing was wrong. But what the hell, might as well challenge me with a comic strip movie. It gives you more to think about than other pictures in the genre such as GARFIELD or GARFIELD’S A TALE OF TWO KITTIES or, I don’t know if there’s a ZIGGY movie or not.

Anyway, I like that the good guys and bad guys all understand that they have this mutant heritage thing in common. And even though Xavier and Magneto are enemies, they are also old friends. Remember in the first one, Professor X-Man gets Magneto locked up but then goes to visit him and play chess while he’s in the can? That type of respect and friendship comes through in this one too. That’s how it gets ya, it pulls at your heartstrings.

With as many characters as they have now they have to shortchange some of them or kill them off early (a handy trick they use in this one). Logan Wolverine is still cool and heavily involved in the Jean Grey storyline, but he doesn’t seem like the main character anymore. Storm actually has a little more important role and does cooler things, although she still talks like either Janet or Latoya. Kurt (the German guy) has such a small part that he’s not in the movie. I think they do a good job of getting across what they need to about each character within a small amount of screen time.

All the main new characters are pretty cool. I like how Hank is a thoughtful, well spoken diplomat who wears a suit and tie but happens to be blue and furry and hang upside down. In the small part of the movie dedicated to him he gets to have a little depth because it’s implied that he would like to take the cure, but instead he stands up for his people. I don’t like politicians but he seems like a cool guy. Then you got Hawkman, a small character just on screen enough to get an idea across. He’s the son of the inventor of the cure, but he has bird wings. It’s sad and then moving to see how he hates himself and then how he decides to metaphorically spread his wings and fly. (the wings being a metaphor for his wings.)

Finally there’s Juggernaut, played by Vinnie Jones (SUBMERGED). There’s no depth to Juggernaut, which is okay in this case. He’s just a big muscleman with a metal helmet who runs through walls and punches stuff. I never understood all this talk about “geekgasm” and what not until I saw the reaction to Juggernaut’s big scene. Alot of people were whooping and hollering but one particular guy got so excited he actually jumped to his feet and pumped his fists in the air yelling “YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH!!!! FUCK YEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!” well into the next scene, and I swear people were ducking for cover just in case he really did shoot his wad all over the rows in front of him. So now I get it what Harry is always talking about. You people are sickos but I get it now.

But the new character who matters the most is the director, Brett Ratner. I remember some of you guys had that plan to kidnap the furry bastard and strangle him with spider-man underoos for a little bit of the ol’ nerd justice. I never understood that because 1) okay he’s not Stanley Kubrick, but he’s not the guy who did Daredevil either, so cut the guy some fuckin slack and 2) he hadn’t even made the movie yet, isn’t he, as an American, innocent until proven guilty? and 3) if you don’t think MONEY TALKS is hilarious then I ain’t reading casper comics with you, buddy. At least give him credit for MONEY TALKS.

Well I’m never gonna convince you on that one but it’ll be interesting to see if you still want to assassinate this guy after you see X PART 3. In my eyes he did a good job. Like Mystique would, he has made an amazing facsimile of Bryan Singer’s style from the first two, completing the story. Don’t get me wrong, I consider Singer the better filmatist, but honestly if I saw this and didn’t know it was a new director I would’ve fell for it. He is a great fake Singer.

Not that I wouldn’t have liked a couple more Ratnerisms in there. The only one I really noticed was that he put Ken Leung, the villain from RUSH HOUR in a small part as the evil mutant Porcupine Man. There’s so many mutant extras I don’t know why he didn’t go for more cameos. I’m sure he coulda fit Chris Tucker in there. And Michael Jackson obviously would’ve made a good mutant too. Okay, maybe that would be distracting, but one thing I did miss was Lalo Schifrin, the genius behind the music for ENTER THE DRAGON, DIRTY HARRY, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, etc. and also the guy who scored most of Ratner’s pictures. I read he was gonna do this one, not sure if that was a mistake or if he got fired for being too awesome, but the score is by some guy called John Powell. Nothing against him, he did fine, but more than Brett Ratner is not Bryan Singer, that motherfucker is NOT Lalo Schifrin. He’s some other guy.

But I think Ratner did a good job. And he has the balls to include important information after the credits, something I always enjoy but rarely see. Remember, SEE NO EVIL was afraid to even put the awesome peeing scene at the end of the credits, they put it pretty much at the beginning. This one doesn’t involve peeing on a dead body, but it’s pretty good.

Now, I’m pretty sure I know how some comical book extremists will react to this movie. They will watch it three times in the theater and buy it on DVD to get a fuller understanding of why it is the worst movie ever made. But I think the average every day nerd on the street, the cool ones like you, are mostly gonna like it. I say this only because the crowd I saw it with (who got their passes from a comic book shop) mostly seemed to love it.

The end is a little weird, it acts like things are wrapped up. But the cure was not uninvented, so there is still a huge fucking dilemma. And plus we got some dead X-Men-and-Women. Still, it leaves you a little hope for if there was a next one. But of course, there are only three X-Men comic books probaly so that must be the end of the story. Too bad, would’ve been cool to see what would’ve happened.

thanks nerds,

Vern

Originally posted at Ain’t-It-Cool-News: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/23417

View the archived Ain’t-It-Cool-News Talkback

  • May 23, 2006, 5:08 a.m. CST

    What do you expect?

    by TinDrummer

    From a guy who did nothing worthy! except prison break, but he didn’t “do” that either. God help us indeed

  • May 23, 2006, 5:22 a.m. CST

    It’s a first for me…

    by KCMOSHer

    …I was actually entertainede by a Vern review. Maybe it’s because he actually talked a bit about the movie he was reviewing, and not that time in third grade when Bobby Jenkins gave him a wedgie on the bus when he was trying to put the moves on the female bus driver. (That being the kind of shit I expect from a Vern review, as opposed to actual talk about the movie being reviewed.) Anyway, yes, I was actually brought to laughter a few times. That said, I stand by everything I’ve said about this movie. Disaster looms for Fox and Marvel. More the latter than the former, as it sounds like they did this one on the cheap to minimize losses. Fox will skate away from the franchise happy as a lark, while Marvel will have to deal with a few million X-Men fans who will never trust them with a franchise again. (Oh sure, we’ll kill off or de-mutant a few of the most iconic characters in the history of comics just because the actors we chose to play them couldn’t be booked for a fourth film, no problem! Hey…who are all those people outside…and why are they carrying pitchforks and torches?) Say goodbye to the X-Men on screen. At least we got one good movie out of it.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:22 a.m. CST

    funny shit, fuck the dorks

    by funkydipshit

  • May 23, 2006, 5:29 a.m. CST

    Make Zenith into a series of (anti)superhero films.

    by Shan

    Zenith is from 2000AD (if you don’t know) and would make a great series of films about superheroes. P.S 3 X-Men films and no Gambit?

  • May 23, 2006, 5:29 a.m. CST

    “WWMD(BSS)”

    by Shermdawg

    lol

  • May 23, 2006, 5:29 a.m. CST

    Well that’s sold me..

    by coldreboot

    If the only complaint is that it doesn’t follow the comic book story, then I’m sold. Why the fuck would you want to see the exact same story you’ve read about anyway? Comic books change their mythos all the time.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:30 a.m. CST

    P.S Vern

    by Shan

    Your reviews – still great.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:35 a.m. CST

    Oh dear…

    by judderman

    You mean this movie doesn’t have magical crystals, demons called “Cyttorak” and aliens called “Shi’ar” in it? You mean Juggernaut didn’t assume his power by reciting an ancient Asian inscription IN ENGLISH? You mean this movie might actually be striving for a modicum of realism? How insufferably mundane.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:48 a.m. CST

    vern hits another one out of the park

    by Serious Black

    I spewed Cheerios onto my monitor with his Juggernaut uber-fan description. Thanks, Vern. Second reviewer hamstrung himself early on with his whining about crystals and “prolific” story-arcs and stuff. I am going into this one with low expectations, but I expect I’ll be much more entertained by X3 than by the Da Vinci Load.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:53 a.m. CST

    ‘Hank’…

    by Lone Fox

    .. Is Beast’s real name, Vern. Hank McCoy. In the comics he goes by either name. ‘Goggly eyes’?

  • May 23, 2006, 5:58 a.m. CST

    Ratner’s still my main concern.

    by Kevin Bosch

    As a kid, I watched the FOX cartoon but that’s it. The thing I care about the most is the quality of the movies. I liked that the first two X-Men films were less action movies and more character dramas. Despite the lack luster second half of X-Men 1, the characterization in the first half won me over. All I could remmeber was the way Logan was introduced, and how it felt real. X2 kept this up for much longer, allowing a well made film to the end, including good action scenes and effects. With The Last Prance, it seems as if Ratner is aiming to make a straight up action movie. Ratner’s a competant director, to say the most, and can pull that off, but that’s not the movie I want.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:01 a.m. CST

    HA

    by Kevin Bosch

    …to the people above (and probably below) that don’t get Vern.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:16 a.m. CST

    Vern can suck my balls

    by spindude

    He’s funny too

  • May 23, 2006, 6:22 a.m. CST

    Hey Lonefox…

    by Sean38

    …he was making a Cookie Monster joke. I guess nerds don’t have a sense of humor.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:41 a.m. CST

    Cursing a lot does not make for a better review

    by Trazadone

    “Hank is the first good guy mutant to find out about some fucked up bullshit. It seems that the fucking humans have gone and created a ‘cure'”

    You sound like an idiot.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:53 a.m. CST

    I know nothing (and I mean nothing)

    by Ingeld

    about the X men world–never saw the movies or read the comic book, but it seems to me that for every positive seeming mutant there must be scores of absolutely horrible or rediculous mutants–yknow someone with the powers of a sloth or the smell of a skunk or the ability to shapeshift his left leg only. It seems to me the cure would be be very important to these x-men.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:59 a.m. CST

    SINGERS GAY?

    by shalashaska

    OMG!

  • May 23, 2006, 7:16 a.m. CST

    Ingeld, I’ve always thought that too.

    by jollysleeve

    I mean, if this actually were to happen in the real world, with people spontaneously mutating–I would imagine very few of them would have cool “powers.” The majority of mutations would manifest themselves through very un-badass boils on people’s faces. Or the inability to digest proteins. Or really bad eyesight that blows out completely by the teen years. Or sterility. Etc.

  • May 23, 2006, 7:17 a.m. CST

    Vern is the Man

    by CuervoJones

  • May 23, 2006, 7:17 a.m. CST

    What is the scene after the credits?

    by abiggerboat

    I mean, what happens then? I can’t find out anywhere!

  • May 23, 2006, 7:22 a.m. CST

    Dammit!!

    by Gabba-UK

    You mean I may have to see this because it might be good??!! Damn, I was so ready to slag this one off!

  • May 23, 2006, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Didn’t want to read the whole thing..

    by Cotton McKnight

    but I know nothing of the comics so I think i’m going to like it. Also, remember fantastic 4? The “coolest” stuff in that movie was the thing getting ramming into that big truck. And that was in the trailer. X men 3 though.. every freaking clip has something cool in it.. and they don’t keep relying on the same thing in every trailer.

  • May 23, 2006, 7:38 a.m. CST

    Hey Sean38

    by Lone Fox

    That was a joke? My apologies. Guess you had to be a rude cunt to get it eh?

  • May 23, 2006, 7:39 a.m. CST

    ROTS WILL OWN YOU!

    by joelschumacher

  • May 23, 2006, 7:54 a.m. CST

    Extry! Extry! “Knowles pwnt by teh Rat!!”

    by HypeEndsHere

  • May 23, 2006, 7:56 a.m. CST

    They had me at “bitch”

    by rollermonkey

    Now I must see it

  • May 23, 2006, 8 a.m. CST

    Vern’s review is funny.

    by -sfx-

    Rush Hour funny, that is. Which means terribly not funny but desperately wanting to be.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:01 a.m. CST

    He’s “Angel”, not “Hawkman”, ASSSSSHHHHHOOOOLLLEEE!!!!!

    by tonyblac

    just kidding.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:03 a.m. CST

    SHOOTING THE CURE OUT OF GUNS?!

    by zerogundamx

    THAT CROSSES THE LINE, MAN

  • May 23, 2006, 8:04 a.m. CST

    humor 101

    by capt jack aubrey

    a) it’s not being a “rude cunt” to make or get a joke about the fact that yeah, the Beast might remind some folks of the Cookie Monster. *** b) I’m gonna go way out on the “let’s kill the joke by explaining it” limb and suggest that maybe Vern’s calling them “comic strips” was intended as a silly jib at folks who read comic books, but insist they be called “graphic novels”… whew! good thing such an attempt at getting a rise out of the fanboys didn’t work!**** c) if the kid whose pigtails you pull didn’t scream and holler every time you pulled them, again and again, then, really, what would be the fun of pulling said pigtails? **** and finally, d) jeebus, Vern, that’s two out of the park in three days–these days are you using the cream or just the clear?

  • May 23, 2006, 8:07 a.m. CST

    No Lonefox…

    by Sean38

    …you just have to have been exposed to something that DOESN’T exist in a comic book. There’s a whole world out there with beer and TV shows and girls. You might want to check it out sometime.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:13 a.m. CST

    humor 101 — footnote

    by capt jack aubrey

    also, I’ve done a lot of checking this morning on Britannica and Wikipedia, and I can find NO mention whatsoever of Martin Luther King, Jr. ever having owned a “space jet.” Please edit your review accordingly, Mr. Vern.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:14 a.m. CST

    you must be easily amused

    by Fearsme

    vern’s review is about of the same quality as every other fanboy posting on a forum who thinks obscenities and and saying things like ‘rebecca romaijn-no-longer-stamos’ is funny. It’s sad what goes for ‘funny’ these days.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:17 a.m. CST

    Vern is awesome but…

    by jollysleeve

    ..Clearly the AICN folks need to exercise some caution in the future. It’s probably not a good idea to introduce a Vern review by explicitly saying it’s hilarious. Obviously, in the minds of some people it triggers the thought, “I cannot find the following review funny or else I will be a conformist.” You’re needlessly handicapping Vern with the intros.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:18 a.m. CST

    I am easily amused…

    by TELF

    When it is Vern doing the amusing.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:23 a.m. CST

    it was fun

    by griff n dohr

    saw x3 last night at the orleans here in vegas and i was quite impressed. not one cellphone rang the entire movie.

    ’nuff of that, this installment is a mountain of fun, making you want a fourth one, even though you know that can’t happen.

    best effect was the unaging of picard and gandalf, though magneto comes off as a bit of a flamer with his clothing and demeanor. is magneto secretly gay?

    without spoiling anything, the silliest part of the movie was the pyro/iceman fight on alcatraz. all i could think of was the showdown between harry potter and voldemort in hp4.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Another Moriarty/Vern one-two punch

    by Ringwearer9

    When Moriarty’s reviews aren’t met with wholehearted belief, is he always going to ask Vern to come back him up? Vern, this sounds like your Kong review. You are so busy being “funny” that it sounds like you are avoiding discussing the movie itself. That’s a fine format for discussing “so bad it’s good” straight-to-video guilty pleasures, where half the fun is MST3K-ing the thing, but you have to know that most people interested in a major blockbuster want the film to wow them. Your jokey style gives the impression that you weren’t really wowed, that the film didn’t really do it for you. Are you the official Moriarty “me too” man now?

  • May 23, 2006, 8:27 a.m. CST

    ABIGGERBOAT ****Possible Spoilers*****

    by MRJONZ72

    ******Possible Spoilers*********************************************************************

    In the 2nd review it states that Cyclops is killed, but I accidently read a part of another review last week where it said that we find out much later the Cyke is recupperating at the hospital. If this is true (and I hope it is). I wonder if this is shown after the credits? and I also wonderer if this is an afterthough. Me personally think Cyke is the most underused/ wasted character in the movie franchise and I dont want to see his character killed, but since this is apparently the last movie, I guess it doesn’t matter much anyway. I really hope some years down the road they restart the franchise again. END POSSIBLE SPOILERS***************************************************************

  • May 23, 2006, 8:35 a.m. CST

    somewhere, chris claremont is crying…

    by duanejones

    much as the frank miller “dark knight” led to the tim burton batman franchise (and, after “year one”, _batman begins_), mr. claremont’s memorable run on x-men for two decades pretty much set the template for these films. films which, you ask this maturing geek, compare very unfavorably with the comics. and now, part trois rehashes the classic sequence leading up to the classic x-men 137 — a certain john byrne’s peak, as well. what a shame neither will be recognized for creating greater art than messers sing and rat. particularly disappointing has been storm’s non-presence in the films, as opposed to the comics where she is often the passionate moral center of the team. i love you, halle, but you’re no diana sands. hope you all enjoy the $10 air conditioning. me, i’m waiting for _shortbus_…

  • May 23, 2006, 8:42 a.m. CST

    I’ll take Powel over Lalo anyday

    by BendersShinyAss

    One of the only things i remember about Rush hour was the audiance laughter at the opening theme. then when Lalo’s credit came up the guy in front of me gave the thumbs up at the screen. Funniest part of the whole damn film.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:45 a.m. CST

    Ringwearer…

    by TELF

    It’s quite clear that he liked the film isn’t it? There will be a million straight reviews of X3 soon, one funny one won’t do any harm.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:46 a.m. CST

    Patton

    by Darth Busey

    Is this movie any better than the turd known as “Blade: Trinity”?

  • May 23, 2006, 8:50 a.m. CST

    Underlining aspects

    by SpikeTBB

    This probably makes me a total wimp, but there is an aspect to is that might make me no want to see the movie because it is too effective. Or at least skip certain scenes.

    I’ve been reading comic books for over 30 years. I grow up on them and in my youth the coolest thing in the world was being one of the super beings and having powers. Ingrained in my childhood sort of thing.

    The damned ‘cure guns’ make sense story wise and add the threat they need for the conflict. But such a total and casual rape of a persons being is extremly disturbing to me. I know, shooting someone with bullets is not nice either, but this has a special phobia for me.

    Bullets kill you, but these things force you to go on as what they decided to turn you into. Your very existence is a constant state of violated defeat for you and victory for them. They strip you of what makes you special and reduce you to the common herd because they are jealous and once your shot there is nothing you can do. Even your rage gives them gratification because it highlights your how helpless you now are. All the anger in the world won’t restore you. You become what some one else decides you need to be.

    I am not sure I am ready for a scene of multiple mutants being causualy shot and changed and the attackers smugly move on. Or the drawn ou scenes of a mutant being remade agianst their will.

    It reminds me of the zombie movies and why they used to freak me out as a kid, or The Borg. They don’t just kill you, they REDUCE you and force you to live in that state. Amindless part of the crowd. Make oyu subject to their will and their purpose for you.

    Very effective story telling. Good plot device.May be TOO effective for my particular phobia to handle though. Loss of self is a basic human fear.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:50 a.m. CST

    And this week’s…

    by DocPazuzu

    …AICN “Mark Twain You Fucking Moron!” Awards go to Lone Fox, Trazadone and captboulder. Congratulations, boys.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:50 a.m. CST

    Complaining that a superhero movie isn’t like the comic

    by rev_skarekroe

    …is kinda dumb. You see, the superhero genre is uniquely malleable. It’s already riddled with alternate universes, what ifs, elseworlds, reality altering retcons, etc. So if it helps, think of the X-Men movies as taking place on Earth-207 (or whatever) where Wolverine is tall and they all wear leather. Frankly, my bigger concern with the film is that the cast is way too big and the effects look dodgy.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:51 a.m. CST

    Ratner

    by Fernwick_

    I think he hit it on the head. Ratner is not a bad director. But he is so good at copying other peoples style. Very “Billy Joel” in a sense, where he trys to do what others do more then what HE can do. Remember Red Dragon? Was a hell of a lot better then Hannibal. Why? Because he tried his best to make it like Silence of the Lambs and I think he almost got there. Same here, I think Ratner can fake it with the best of them, but it still remains to be seen what he can do on his own, since on his own its only been Money Talks, and the Rush Hours’ as far as I know.

    Hamferno

    www.theidiottestament.com

  • May 23, 2006, 8:52 a.m. CST

    This movie better not make my #1 tank

    by Lucidz

    I have the original X-Men issue #1, and this movie better not make its value tank! (investment grade comics ftw) (( Yes I’m cooler than you)) ((( Yes I’m a better nerd than you!)))

  • May 23, 2006, 8:52 a.m. CST

    hahahaha….

    by DocPazuzu

    ….The return of Ringbearer9! And he’s still telling the reviewers what they REALLY thought.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:53 a.m. CST

    Kurt’s part is so small that he’s not in the movie

    by durhay

    It is to laugh.

  • May 23, 2006, 9 a.m. CST

    2nd review sucked

    by lofe101

    if he is basing everything on not being true to the comics then he should hate every x-men movie. uh, didnt bobby come and go from the x-men well befor james howlet/ wolvie came in. they fucked that up from the begining. come on this movie looks and sounds fucking sweet. its a movie not a comic book. how many movies do you know stay absolutly true to there orrigins. he probably hated LOTR for the same kind of shit. what no Tom Bombadil? thats bullshit thats not how it happened.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:01 a.m. CST

    You know, I loved the X-books as much as anyone…

    by Childe Roland

    …and for a long, long time. My collection still includes every marvel mutant title and tie in released between Giant Size X-Men #1 and the Age of Apocalypse storyline (plus select titles from the two or three years after that), and I still don’t understand the people who will shit on a movie adaptation of a comic book hero if it deviates one iota from the source material. Unless you’re dealing with a limited series or self-contained graphic novel, there is simply no way to translate a comic book property 100% faithfully to the screen. There’s too much continuity and too many variations in the ways different writers and artists have interpreted the characters in these books with thirty, forty and fifty year histories. Virtually every comic book movie has translated, adapted or updated its souorce material and not every comic book movie has been a steamy pile of shit as a result. As long as the story is cohesive, the characters are faithful to their defining traits and everything looks good on screen, I really don’t think a fan should bitch about his (because its almost never a her) favorite storyline not being translated verbatim or a detail being changed in the process of adaptation. There appear to be some perfectly good reasons to bitch about X3. They’re killing off Cyclops because it’s apparent the writers have never known how to use him (not that they should have used him exactly the way he was in the comics, but they should’ve given him a little something to do in one of the three movies). They’ve beefed up Halle’s part because she bitched and, as a result, we’ve got a Wolverine/Storm relationship that has no basis in the preceding two films. They’ve crammed so many characters into this relatively short film that it seems like many of them aren’t getting the necessary screen time to develop and characters with some meat to them from the franchise are conspicuously absent this go round (Nightcrawler). All of these are perfectly valid complaints. But if I hear one more pissy fanboy moaning about how “They got the Dark Phoenix story all wrong!” or “Juggernaut’s not a mutant!” I’m going to have to fart in his mouth. And I’ve been eating a lot of greasy Mexican food lately, so there will likely be highly acidic Hershey squirts involved. You’ve been warned.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:03 a.m. CST

    Yeeeahh, this is the last movie…right

    by DannyOcean01

    Wait for the BO on this and see if this is the last movie…

  • May 23, 2006, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Thanks for the mention Vern…

    by brycemonkey

    but more importantly for the review. Great work as always (googly eyes etc.). I’m actually quite stoked to see this now, I had doubts when I heard the Rat was doing it but seems like he’s done the impossible and pulled it off.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:10 a.m. CST

    John Powell…? Some Other Guy….?

    by Vermifax

    “Some Other Guy” did an amazing score for John Woo’s “Face/Off”. He might’ve had a lil’ help from his mentor Hans Zimmer but, the score still kicked some ass!

  • May 23, 2006, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Lalo Schifrin…

    by ScarranHalfBreed

    …wouldn’t have done a good X-Men score. John Powell is just fine. Have you hear his Bourne stuff? Absolutely fricking amazing. I’m so glad Vern liked the film. I didn’t read the other review cos I couldn’t be bothered, but Vern’s opinion matters the most as I haven’t read any of the comics either.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Oh my lawd…

    by Mr Nice Gaius

    Ringb(w)earer9, Moriarty, & Vern. All we need now is to have homewrecker to swing in and tell us that it’s really just the good Doc arguing with himself. This could be TB Armageddon.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:19 a.m. CST

    I bet it’s better than the overrated X1 and X2.

    by Mr. Profit

    Those movies are ridiculously overrated. X1 was good because it did not suck, and X2 was good because it made X1 look like it sucked. They are not the end all be all.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:19 a.m. CST

    I agree about a CG Beast…and a CG Thing

    by Terry_1978

    Fanboys whine about wanting people in costumes so bad, when in reality having the character be CG would be much more faithful to the books we love. Don’t let rampant hatred of CGI cloud your judgment, says I.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:22 a.m. CST

    duanejones, actually Claremont is in the opening scene.

    by Shermdawg

    Along with Stan Lee.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:22 a.m. CST

    The only problem with being killed in the movie

    by cookylamoo

    Is that there’s a good chance Marvel will slavishly kill the character in the book, too so to preserve continuity. I mean, Marvel once produced a six issue mini series to explain why the Toad looked like Ray Park rather than Charles Laughton in the Hunchback of Notre Dame. If they’ll go that far, I fear that Cyclops fans in the comic are due for a nasty time. Of course, movies are a higher art form and must always trump what’s been happening in the comic for fifty years.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:22 a.m. CST

    “that motherfucker is NOT Lalo Schifrin” is hilarious

    by watashiwadare

    no, it’s Hanz Zimmer (yawn)

  • May 23, 2006, 9:30 a.m. CST

    “This is what you get in white America!”

    by Doctor_Sin

    Vern is hilarious, but is obviously becoming Mori’s bitch lapdog. The main gripe I’m having is the running time. It’s too short. It’ll keep me out of the theater and make me want to wait for the extended DVD.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Note to second reviewer

    by Freakemovie

    You really don’t need to precede your review with five full paragraphs of plot summary. One would suffice. But regardless, the first review was hilarious, and even though the second was lukewarm, I’m feeling better about this one, because it sounds like the general public will be much more in line with Vern’s opinion, as opposed to the But-Juggernaut-Technically-Isn’t-A-Mutant line of thought. Good luck to it.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:32 a.m. CST

    I saw the movie last monday (Spoiler)

    by CuervoJones

    It

  • May 23, 2006, 9:34 a.m. CST

    John Powell

    by casinoskunk

    Vern, although i agree with you about John POwell not being Lalo Schiffrin, he is a fantastic composter. his scores for the Bourne Series and Italian Job, are awesome.

    By the way, the way that dudes are all into COmic, i am into Film Music!

    cant wait for the score!

  • May 23, 2006, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Jollysleeve, one other thing

    by Ingeld

    I assume that whatever made humans mutate would have also affected animals. So we can assume that while we have humans that have the attributes of say wolverines, we perhaps have wolverines with the attributes of humans. Perhaps there is a wolverine out there with the ability to type really, really fast–faster than most wolverines. Even better maybe there is a Chihuahua with the powers of magnato. Now that is a movie I would like to see.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Wow, that was really a shitty *review*, Vern.

    by Heywood Jablowme

    Obviously you don’t know jack shit. Otherwise, you would know that X-Men is not a comic strip in the context of Ziggy or Grafield. It’s a comic book. So you have zero credibility. But what the hell am I saying? You’re the same dick who reviews the Steven Seagal direct to video shit around here that you probably refer to as “movies”. But hey, that’s your league-the direct to video shit. And another thing, you’re not funny, quit trying. Now go pop in your copy of Under Siege 2, jerk off, and check out the number of hits you got on your shitty web site from the links posted at the end of your equally shitty *review*. Typical Tuesday for you, numbnuts.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:37 a.m. CST

    Zimmer the Mentor?

    by casinoskunk

    Zimmer is NOT a mentor, he is a Hack that uses his “Media Ventures” to have poor up and coming composers, to finish his scores for his lazy ass. F*CK ZIMMER, even thought he did a good score for Davinci Code without help. But Media Ventures SUCK!

  • May 23, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Steady on Heywood…

    by brycemonkey

    you obviously don’t ‘get’ Vern’s humor. It’s OK not to like the reviews but you sound a bit silly and mean. Especially when he started the review acknowledging that he doesn’t know much about X-men…

  • May 23, 2006, 9:40 a.m. CST

    I knew they wanted to add that Juggs line…

    by Novaman5000

    The producers loved that short…I am kinda surprised they actually went through and did it, though.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah, Gambit.

    by Azlam Orlandu

    I’m pretty pissed off about it too.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Amendment to earlier statement…

    by DocPazuzu

    …regarding this week’s AICN “Mark Twain You Fucking Moron!” Award. Apparently, Heywood Jablowme is also one of our big winners. You go, girl.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Imagine if they barely used Luke in the StarWarsTrilogy

    by Shermdawg

    And then killed him off in the Rancor pit in ROTJ. That would be all sorts a fucked up wouldn’t it? WOULDN’T IT??? *sigh*

  • May 23, 2006, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Heywood Jablowme

    by ScarranHalfBreed

    WHAAAAAAAT? Are you joking? WHAT the Christing bollocks are you talking about, Heywood?? You’re obviously – and I don’t mean to give offense – a little bit slow. Here’s an address to copy and paste: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony

  • May 23, 2006, 9:55 a.m. CST

    I think Heywood is trying to join in on the joke.

    by FluffyUnbound

    If part of Vern’s joke is that he’s pretending he’s serious, maybe Heywood is playing along with the joke by pretending that he, too, thinks Vern is serious.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Fuck Gambit.

    by Shermdawg

    The real reason that they didn’t use him, is because they knew the Cyclops fans would fucking riot if that overrated cajun was brought in and given a lengthy role in what should have been Scott and Jeans flick. DAMN YOU ROT……no I promised myself I’d wait untill I saw the film before I bring that back…. *sigh* ….aw fuck it, DAMN YOU ROTHMAN!!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! WHY DID YOU DRIVE SINGER AWAY??? WHY DID YOU SABOTAGE THIS FILM??? WHY DID YOU SABOTAGE THIS FRANCHISE??? WHY DID YOU SABOTAGE THE ALIEN FRANCHISE??? WHY DO YOU HATE THE FANS SO MUCH??? HOLLYWOOD SUCKS!!! Still, I got my fingers crossed on this one. ;) (Actually I’m sooo fucking torn on this film, it’s not even funny.)

  • May 23, 2006, 10:01 a.m. CST

    FluffyUnbound

    by ScarranHalfBreed

    I didn’t think of that. Shit. If it’s true, Heywood (if that is your real name) then I apologise unreservedly.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:09 a.m. CST

    “I don’t get ____, but fans of ____ are morons”

    by Billyeveryteen

    Sigh, more Vern “humor”. Hey Doc, you should take Vern’s cock out of your mouth, and make a new joke. Mark Twain indeed.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:14 a.m. CST

    Im so sick

    by Lovecraftfan

    of comic book fans who hate the movie just becuase it didnt follow the mythos a hundred percent. Who cares.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:18 a.m. CST

    I don’t care if it follows the mytho’s 100 percent

    by Shermdawg

    But when it snubs Cyc and Jean, I CARE.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:18 a.m. CST

    After Credits?

    by fiester

    So what happens after the credits?

  • May 23, 2006, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Naw, Heywoods as serious as Billy…

    by brycemonkey

    after a big day of hating yesterday, I’m going all out for love today. Bi-polar much? Maybe the drugs do work… Anyway, even if you don’t like the reviewer or TBers try saying something positive about the movie. i.e. “Glad this doesn’t sound terrible”. Peace.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:20 a.m. CST

    If I may ask …

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Can anyone enlighten me as to what exactly the qualites are that the “Mark Twain You Fucking Moron!” Award recognizes? I take it something like Most Outstanding Absence of Ironic Humor Detection? I would also be interested in the history of this award, because I once knew a fellow talkbacker named Mark Twain.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:24 a.m. CST

    To everyone who doesn’t like Vern…

    by ScarranHalfBreed

    It doesn’t mean you’re less of a man just because he’s got a bigger penis than you. You’ve probably got other positive attributes.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:39 a.m. CST

    lol… lots of talk concerning Vern’s

    by brycemonkey

    penis. This TB is taking an interesting passive-agressive homo-erotic twist… It’s sick. But I like it!

  • May 23, 2006, 10:54 a.m. CST

    after credits (spoiler)

    by griff n dohr

    it is a 30 second scene of moria mctaggert looking after the body with

    no brain.

    and you hear “hello moria” in patrick strewarts voice….

  • May 23, 2006, 10:56 a.m. CST

    i dont get it

    by calami-shami

    why would a billionaire spend millions on research and development for a “cure” for his mutant son when all he’d have to do to “cure” him is HACK HIS FUCKING WINGS OFF? Why would you need a serum for that?

  • May 23, 2006, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Someone hold Heywood’s nose…

    by Childe Roland

    …so I can fart in his mouth. Or, better yet, keep him here for a bit while I down three cups of coffee and a bran muffin so I can let loose with a real splatterhouse shit in there. Say “ahhh,” son.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:02 a.m. CST

    sherm

    by duanejones

    well, i’ll be…cockrummed. i thought they shitcanned him, but then marvel has shitcanned everyone at one point and they usually come back at another point don’t they? i should also emphasize that i think claremont made a hard turn for cheese and stan-ish melodramatics after mr. byrne moved on from the book — really showing my age here, aren’t i? still, these mutants really are his babies — even if he’s not their biological father, he certainly shepherded them through such long-term foster care that it’s his sensibility that informs their characters, up to and including the films. so, maybe he’s not crying but laughing all the way to the bank (ha! as if!), but my general argument still stands. i should also emphasize that i DON’T think films based on comics should resemble their source material slavishly, or at all. wouldn’t it be nice, however, if they were nearly as good? but for those “classic” opening scenes in x-1 and x-2, they were so very much not…

  • May 23, 2006, 11:04 a.m. CST

    oh my god, Vern, you are a reviewing God.

    by Spice-Orange

    i loved it! laughted bunches! whats even more funny is the geek-nerds you made fun of so much post talkback comments that show they didn’t understand half of your greatest lines. “his name is hank in the comicbook! eeeeg! vern you suck! wheres my pocket protector!” lmao B is for Beast, thats good enough for me.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Sideshow Bob’s in this?

    by Goatboy

    Awesome \m/ – also, Heywood could possibly be legally retarded, and don’t you all feel bad for laughing at the windowlicker now? Mocking a mongoloid using the internt, for shame…

  • May 23, 2006, 11:07 a.m. CST

    X-MEN IV: The Search for Xavier

    by durhay

  • May 23, 2006, 11:13 a.m. CST

    SO..WAs THE MOVIE ANY GOOD?█

    by Bishop6

    I couldnt be bother reading all the guff in this thing..just tell me if its good or not fvkkk

  • May 23, 2006, 11:19 a.m. CST

    sounds good compared to your average chick flick

    by Rupee88

    This is no doubt an entertaining film as they spent some $$$ on the effects and you have super-powered guys doing cool stuff in it. But killing Cyclops and Prof X and the franchise makes this a crappy film by definition, regardless of how many cool moments it has if you don’t think about the script.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:19 a.m. CST

    And now for something completely different.

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Well, it’s another sequel with a “3” in it. “Mortal Kombat 3”, Moriarty’s opus magnum, is being directed by… drums… “mink”! Woohoo! http://imdb.com/title/tt0293429/

  • May 23, 2006, 11:20 a.m. CST

    vern rules again! and why I don’t mind Scott and Jean.

    by oisin5199

    another excellent and hilarious review. And why are negative reviews usually considered more ‘honest’ as someone stated? Sounds pretty biased to me. Shermy, as I stated before, this trilogy was never about Scott and Jean, who were more background characters. Now having a full on Scott/Jean romance would be great, and I’d love to see it in a more serialized form like a tv show – (hell, I could even go for a big budget time-traveling Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix movie, complete with some Askani action), but focusing on them would just come across as schmaltzy on the big screen. These two are a great conflicted couple, but ultimately their relationship doesn’t serve the mutant theme that these films set up as well as Wolverine and Rogue (and even Storm) do. I like that they’re going into Jean’s past here, and if Cyclops was given more focus, there’s a great backstory on how he adjusted to his eyes. But the tragic lovers scenario just doesn’t work in this context. Again, if it had time to develop, that’d be great. There was a great will they/won’t they in the comics, more soap opera and teen drama that would be neat on the WB (sorry, CW), but not in these particular films. Anyway, I’m glad the reviewers I like the most on this site are giving positives. Can’t wait!

  • May 23, 2006, 11:22 a.m. CST

    The 2nd review is more consistant with what we saw

    by veritasses

    …in the “Fastball” clip. The acting, script, sfx, editing, and directing were all cringe-worthy. News Alert. Hollywood has never cared about “fans”, it just cares about profit. Execs like to make action movies geared towards kids for the BurgerKing tie-ins and the avg Joe/Jane film patron who doesn’t know or care as much about quality as people on AICN and who make up a much larger percent of the movie going public. Under the disguise of more mutants, more action, more special effects which is enough to satisfy most people, we find the ugly truth that it’s just not a well made movie. Character development, rich story lines and a satsifying resolution aren’t going to be found here. We should take our Spiderman’s and Batman Beings’ and be thankful. Let’s hope Superman doesn’t disappoint.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Omega Red is in this?!?

    by googamooga

    According to IMDB he is. I wonder if he’ll be big and red and white, with super long fear inducing tentacles coming out of his arms? I doubt it. More than likely he’ll be dressed in black leather and look like your high school science teacher…

  • May 23, 2006, 11:27 a.m. CST

    no john byrne

    by griff n dohr

    lee and claremont make cameos, but bo byrne. he did draw the comic during the whole dark phoenix saga as i recall.

    i guess he’s pissed too many peple off at marvel.

    the flying in the movie is pretty awful. they should have saved their money cleaning up the flying shots and left the wires in. nobody was fooled.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:29 a.m. CST

    The only time humor works is when something’s funny

    by Heywood Jablowme

    In this case, Vern’s review is weak. Sure, maybe compared to Merrick, Vern is fucking Richard Pryor (in which case he should set himself on fire). But by pimping the idea that his *reviews* are “hilarious”, is an insult to the word. That is bullshit. And if you want to write bullshit, go work for Fox News because we’re all chock-full here (re: last week’s plant X3 review). Sadly I think Vern is trying to be funny, except that he comes off like Bruno Kirby in Good Morning Vietnam with a fucking clown horn and shitty polka music. That’s Vern for you, he’s the “Lieutenant Steve” of AICN. Keep trying though dingleberry, there’s somebody out there who will laugh at your clown horn-even if it’s just yourself. Now Massawyrm, that guy is good for a few chuckles.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:30 a.m. CST

    last comment, i promise

    by griff n dohr

    most enjoyable part of the movie was the new kids’ ‘i’m crushing you with my fingers’ tribute when magneto confronts the convoy.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Cholera’s Ghost

    by DocPazuzu

    It is indeed named after fellow talkbacker Mark Twain, who, after his first “lizard post” in a V For Vendetta TB was accosted with the phrase “Mark Twain you fucking moron!” by an irony-deficient talkbacker. Despite the thrashing of this (and several other) talkbackers in that particular TB, every time a V For Vendetta talkback showed up, and Mark Twain redelivered the very same joke, a number of talkbackers would inevitably say things like “Mark Twain, boy are you a dumbass! This is based on the Alan Moore graphic novel, not the TV show!” Thus, I feel I’m honoring Mark Twain by giving out this little award in his name whenever a humorless fantard feels the need to display his ignorance and lack of nuance detection skills in a vulgar and embarrassing way.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:41 a.m. CST

    “YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH!!!! FUCK YEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!”

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Fucking hilarious, Vern.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:41 a.m. CST

    “The only time humor works is when something’s funny”

    by DocPazuzu

    The funny in this case is when you and your po-faced compatriots don’t catch Vern’s irony/fan bait and then pretend you got it all along but that you just didn’t think it was funny. Now that is comedy gold.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Ah, thanks DocP. Poor Mark Twain.

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    I guess when life hands you lemons (or humorless fantards) you make lemonade (or what appears to be an endlessly useful AICN Award).

  • May 23, 2006, 11:46 a.m. CST

    oops

    by griff n dohr

    i meant kids in the hall, not new kids.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:50 a.m. CST

    after the credits

    by bluebottle

    wolverine comes out in a bathrobe and says directly to camera, “what are you still doing here? go home.” then shuffles off.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Good review. Daredevil digs get old though.

    by Doom II

    I was going to AVOID X3, but with all this positive buzz, I guess I’m seeing it after all. Seriously, Daredevil The Director’s Cut was a fantastic adult action film. Period. Read the Frank Miller source material and tell me it wasn’t one of the most accurate superhero movies made. Geeks will never be happy, even if a carbon-copy of a comic is made into a film, they still complain (I don’t like Ben Affleck! Where’s Stick? Elektra is supposed to be Greek!) Sad

  • May 23, 2006, 11:52 a.m. CST

    after the credits

    by durhay

    The X-Men make it to an island. Then they’re overrun by zombies.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:57 a.m. CST

    yeah, someone with a name like Heywood Jablowme

    by oisin5199

    understands the fine points of humor. Riiight. Give it up, dude. Submit to Vern!

  • May 23, 2006, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Isn’t this plot exactly like the first movie, but…

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    …reversed 180 degrees, with the average humans trying to change the mutants into average humans instead of the mutants trying to change the average humans into mutants, and the X-Men saving the day both times? Couldn’t they have come up with something at least a little different?

  • May 23, 2006, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Comic Weenies: 2D Does NOT Equal 3D

    by hipcheck13

    …yeah, I’m a comic geek too, and have just about every X-Book out there – from the original series through the “re-imagining” of GS X-Men 1, etc. However, you JUST CAN’T bring over every single plot-line, costume nuance, etc. from the 2D comic book to the big screen. They’ve done a great job with the X-Men movie arc, so predicating your review on things like “Juggernaut got blessed by the Magic Folger’s Crystal of Ground Roast” or some such crap is stupid. It’s more economical time-wise to explain him as a mutant – and doesn’t change the storyline if Jugs is cursed by the Holographic Ice Cube of Doom or something.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:03 p.m. CST

    The Sentinels

    by IAmLegolas

    When the Jay Leno clip hit, and we got 2 spotlights and a head, the “apologists” were saying “F*ck you haters! They just didn’t want to blow their load and spoil them yet.” or something to that effect. So are they there or not? Did we really just get two spotlights and a head?

  • May 23, 2006, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Excellent reviews

    by moviemaniac-7

    Nicely done. My biggest worry always was with X3 that there were too many characters. They should’ve stuck with the entire X2 cast and maybe one or two extra (Beast and Gambit), but focus on them. Less is more.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:06 p.m. CST

    How about some consistent criticism of us fanboys?

    by Immortal_Fish

    Those of you criticizing the fanboy camp need to adopt a consistent message. Fantastic Four and Daredevil at least attempted to be as faithful as they could be to the source material. Yet those films are smashed while the X flicks get a pass for some reason. Go ahead, tut tut fanboy desires with arms akimbo. You can’t expect us to be satisfied when the closest thing to the comics are commercials for milk and credit cards.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:11 p.m. CST

    vern

    by isildur29

    actually makes this site worth reading for the week

  • May 23, 2006, 12:14 p.m. CST

    hipcheck13 “economical to explain him as a mutant ”

    by Immortal_Fish

    I agree that it’s absurd to expect a 1-to-1 adaptation from comic to film. However, it is equally absurd to adapt Juggs the way they did. The character can take on the *whole team* at once. His only weakness was how secured his helmet was on his head. What’s his weakness now? If all you wanted was a musclebound henchman, then why not just go with Sabertooth from the first flick? Even more economical time-wise to reuse a character from an earlier film in the series.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:15 p.m. CST

    Negative mutations

    by SpikeTBB

    Mutation is presented in the X-men as nature

  • May 23, 2006, 12:15 p.m. CST

    Cyclops…

    by Be like water

    Wow…a whole talkback with only a couple of comments about Cyke… you guys must be resigned to it already. Well, I’ll add an assessment. The reasoning behind Cyke’s treatment in these films is very complex. There is more than just one reason why Scott Summers was not foregrounded. It is because A) The WAY the character was written (did Singer like the character? guess not) B) WHO the character was played by (Marsden is not the greatest, deepest actor in the world) C) The ACTOR’s status (Marsden is not A-list, and therefore does not require, nor could he “demand” extra-time on screen D) Marsden’s “other” JOB, and FOX’s supposed “vendetta” against him and Singer (however petty it may be, and yes, it’s DAMN petty) and finally, E)

    Most importantly, the CHARACTER itself — someone once said that “the eyes are the window to the soul” — well, comics are one thing, movies are another. Seeing an actor’s EYES is VERY important on screen, in conveying their presence, and who they ARE, to the audience. Bottom line, if you can’t “See” into a character, you can’t ultimately FEEL them intrinsically or understand them in as great a way. The very nature of Cyclops’ character itself negates a strong presence on-screen, or a worthy devotion to investing oneself in the actor playing him. I know some will argue on this, but this is pure cinematic logic.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Heywood Jablowme

    by Mr Nice Gaius

    Hey, I hate to say it but, I’ve got to give you props for the “Lieutenant Steve” reference. Not that I agree with it’s application…just the reference and the image it conjures.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:22 p.m. CST

    You’ve got mutations backwards, SpikeTBB

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    In nature most mutations are hideous deformities that either kill the being outright or greatly decrease its lifespan. It is the very, very, very rare deformity that both proves to be an advantage and allows the being to live long enough to reproduce.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Here’s where I’m at….

    by DOGSOUP

    I’d rather have a mediocre movie that doesn’t do everything I want it to do than a total fucking trainwreck that kills my spirit. I think this franchise is very rich and can’t be killed off by a rushed final chapter in the storyarc. I still want to see Wolverine in Japan, Gambit as the major new character in X4, Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen as younger versions of themselves in the Magneto movie, and the second “Great X-Men Storyline” behind the Dark Phoenix Saga-Days of Future Past. Even if the Rat, who despite what we think of him still fucks enough women to have Lindsey Lohan interupt coitus, misses the mark on this film, I’m not done with these characters. I grew up on the X-Men and I don’t want to see an M-Cron crystal, Feather-headed Shi’ar, The Savage Land ANYTHING, Alien Ripped Off Brood, Wolverine’s pointy mask, or anything else that just wont translate. I’m fine with changing the details for the movie-I just want to see it done well.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Heywood: Massawyrm? Are you kidding me?

    by FatPaul

    I mean, I was on the path of “this guy is entitled to his opinion, I guess” right up until you brought up the wyrm. For christ’s sake, you might as well start talking about Neil Cumpston.

  • May 23, 2006, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Anyone else see the irony…

    by LordEnigma

    Of Vern essentially goofying on people such as the second reviewer? There’s no sadness in that second review. It does fit all the criteria of a super geek, disappointed by the film, that will see it three times in the theatre, and try to decode it’s suckiness on DVD. Giving this film any sort of slanted review due to the lack of straight comic adaptation–makes very little sense. Because Wolverine is not over six feet tall. Kitty Pryde is generally one character and not three seperate characters over three films. Nightcrawler does not get stuck in a videogame, and the beats go on. Again, another geek, with another CLOSED MIND! OPEN YOU MIND! OPEN YOU MIND!

  • May 23, 2006, 12:58 p.m. CST

    44% on RottenTomatoes

    by Rupee88

    says it all

  • May 23, 2006, 1:04 p.m. CST

    While most AICN critics have their head’s up their…

    by Heckles

    a$$es, Vern turned in quite a yarn. Good job, it was comedy. The rest of the hacks should check it out.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Just like old times

    by Vern

    People hate me again. Well I wanted to clarify a little and comment on the second review. I don’t agree with what I think is the most crucial criticism, that it has “no heart and no real emotional subtext.” I think it has much more emotional subtext than the other two. Just look at the post way up there by SpikeTB. Most people aren’t gonna be freaked out like he is, but I agree with him that just the premise of the cure is full of all kinds of this emotional subtext that the reviewer (sorry, I forgot the name now) was looking for, and of course there is a more obvious emotional side to the Jean Grey/Cyclops/Wolverine triangle that is the other main storyline in the movie. But anyway this review is an example of what I’m talking about. I wouldn’t have known that anybody would be upset because Juggernaut is a mutant and not a magic crystal or whatever. If that is important to you then the movie might be disappointing. But I think most people who enjoyed the first two will enjoy it, because it feels exactly like the other two but a little bigger and more climactic. I can understand somebody saying that Frasier in blue fur is silly, but since I already saw the other two and accepted Mystique, Tigerman, the leather costumes, Magneto’s cape, Kurt, Wolverine’s hair, etc. I have no problem accepting the blue guy. That is the world these movies take place in as far as I’m concerned. I’m not trying to make fun of people for caring about the comic strips. I can relate because I’ve seen plenty of movies that are not as good as the books. THE OUTFIT is good but I wish it was as good as the book. At the same time, I can accept a smart change for the movie. For example I think they really changed the Parker character I love for the movie POINT BLANK, but that doesn’t change the fact that as a movie it’s a damn masterpiece. On the other hand, the movie of TRICK BABY changes the whole premise of the book, so instead of a light skinned black con man who passes for white to con white people, it’s about a white con man. That’s something I could get mad about, that’s my Juggernaut magic crystal I guess. So I understand. p.s. to Heywood Jablowme, sorry I offended you bud, if I had known you existed I would have tailored the whole review to your exact weird needs and obsessions. thanks bud.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:13 p.m. CST

    But are general audiences gonna give a fuck?

    by performingmonkey

    So what if a bunch of comic fans like it. If you shoot your load at Juggernaut saying the word ‘bitch’ there’s no hope for you.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Why do bad things happen to good X-Men?

    by Vern

    I see alot of individuals are bummed about this idea of the characters dying. I can understand because just from watching the characters over the three movies I thought it was sad to see what happened to some of them. In fact there are things that happen other than death that are even more of a bummer, I think. But that makes the movie dramatic. And the good news is, this is a movie, based on a comic strip. (Or graphic illustrative work or whatever Heywood Jablowmie officially declares a series of blobby muscle drawings put in little squares with guys punching each other and talking and shooting lightning.) I’m not sure about x-men but I’m pretty sure there are many characters in those comical novelettas who die and then are alive and then die and then are alive. Hell, even in the movie, I seem to remember Jean Grey dying in part 2 and holy shit here she is again in part 3. So I don’t figure it’s all permament. I mean, if Freddy can come back, if Jason can come back, if Godzilla can come back, then I’m sure X-Men A, B and C can come back in part 4, if they want them to. Chin up, fellas.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:34 p.m. CST

    damn dude!

    by El Borak

    the irony tards keep on comin!

  • May 23, 2006, 1:35 p.m. CST

    No Vern, you are just WRONG

    by bluebottle

    See, you don’t read the X-Men comics, so you don’t know. But in the X-Men comics, X-Men never die and come back. Once they’re dead, they STAY dead… Oh wait, sorry, i was thinking of my dog… Yes, you’re right, they can come back.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Vern’s weak take

    by Heywood Jablowme

    Look Vern, I don’t need you to tailor your take on a movie to may tastes, that would probably involve an investment of intelligence on your part and we can’t have that. So lets just stick to what you write well, little pearls of insight like, “Hank is the first good guy mutant to find out about some fucked up bullshit that is the main plot of the movie. It seems that the fucking humans have gone and created a ‘cure’ for being a mutant.” That’s genius, dude. Shows me that you were invested in the film while throwing down buckets of ultra-buttered popcorn and gallons of Dr. Pepper. So when you *review* Superman Returns, can we expect: “The guy with the ‘S’ gets all fucking fucked-up when that gay guy from Usual Suspects hold that green rock towards him”? Boy, I hope so, because that would be funny, like Mark Twain funny. Because you would be being all ironic and shit. I hope you got all sorts of hits on your Geocities site demanding more of that comedic gold. You rule, dildo.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:40 p.m. CST

    ExcaliburFfolkes, you are right..

    by SpikeTBB

    That is how mutations work in the real world. But in the X-men movies and a lot of the comics it is presented the way I was talking about. Just listen again to Prof Xavier’s introduction over the credits int he first one. He spells it right out for us. Talks about mutations as evolution taking a giant leap forward.

    Not at all acurate in our world, but that’s the way it works in their world.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by ManosTHOF

    I loved the review, rock on!

  • May 23, 2006, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Heywood: Re: Your entire argument.

    by FatPaul

    This argument is completely invalidated by the fact that you are a Massawyrm fan.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Heywood jablowme

    by lofe101

    Clever name ya jerkoff. lightin up. your smarter than all of us with no sence of humor right. so give it a rest. Vern said in the begining he didnt know the x-men comics.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:49 p.m. CST

    Hey, woodJablome?

    by Freakemovie

    Vern’s review was darn funny. If it cut a little too deep because you’re an avid fan of the comics…get a sense of humor.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:49 p.m. CST

    hey heywood..

    by El Borak

    you fuckin nuts. don’t take things so serious. AICN isn’t exactly a straight by-the-numbers movie review site now is it? reviews are humorous. yikes.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:49 p.m. CST

    heh heh 4 in a row, weird

    by Freakemovie

  • May 23, 2006, 1:51 p.m. CST

    “watch it three times in the theater and buy it on DVD”

    by Razorback

    This is the greatest movie review sentence ever written! Bravo! You hit the nail on the head!

  • May 23, 2006, 1:52 p.m. CST

    I’m sorry, Immortal Fish, but there are too many…

    by Childe Roland

    …perfectly valid critiques of the standard/stereotypical fanboy approach to comic book movies for us critics of the mindset to adopt an official party line. You’re right that DD and FF got shredded by the fanboy community and I happen to agree they were some of the closest comic flicks to their respective source materials (particularly the Director’s Cut of DD). But all that does is validate my criticism of the fanboy assertion that everything has to be like the comic books or it’s shit. It highlights the should-be-ever-so-obvious fact that fanboys won’t ever be pleased. They’ll always find something to bitch about if, deep down, they feel like their own personal experience of the characters in whichever comic versions they happened to latch onto aren’t the ones faithfully depicted on screen. With FF, first it was that the Thing was too small and too lumpy…until folks looked up the origin issues and official handbook entries and realized Ben Grimm started out looking like a burn victim (actually modeled after teh Golem…a clay creature from Hebrew mythology) and is listed at 6-feet even…not 7-foot-plus and not always craggy. Then they bitched that it shouldn’t have been an origin movie. If the fanboy complaints didn’t constantly shift and contradict themselves, our criticisms of those neverending complaints would be more consistent. You have to play the ball where it lies, though. And, for the record, I have a lot more respect for someone who can say they hated the Daredevil movie because they can’t stand Affleck than someone who tries to convince me it was just a bad movie and a crappy adaptation of the source material. Give me a legitimate complaint and I might not even criticize you for it.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Has Hollywood

    by Manatee

    run out of comic books to adapt, yet? That day can’t come soon enough for me. Then they can get back to adapting television sitcoms!

  • May 23, 2006, 1:56 p.m. CST

    What I would agree with, Vern is your post about…

    by Heywood Jablowme

    the nitpicking. You’re absolutely right that if fanboys are coming with, “Wolverine’s hair isn’t right” or “he’s too tall” they need to chill. But if you take too many liberties, the next thing you know you don’t have Marvel’s X-Men, you have Fox or Ratner, or Singer’s X-Men. The fans that put the coins in the coffers want the former, as close as possible to it. Take some dramatic license with the characters, just don’t piss all over 30+ years of story because you’re afraid the 18-34 year old African-American women from Seattle who collect Star Wars posters and drive ice cream trucks demographic (just an example, no offense to those who fall into said category) don’t understand Jean Grey’s backstory. That’s selling out. That’s what people who don’t understand or appreciate the material do. Sincerely, Joel Schumacher and those cocks behind the Godzilla filck from ’98. Go pick up some X-books, then you might understand.

  • May 23, 2006, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Heywood Jablowme

    by Lando Griffin

    this guy is obviously an expert on humor guys, with a screenname as original and witty as he has.

  • May 23, 2006, 2:03 p.m. CST

    don’t worry heywood

    by El Borak

    we all still love you.

  • May 23, 2006, 2:07 p.m. CST

    heywood

    by lofe101

    i read all the x-men comics, watched the cartoons when i was a kid. i know the back stories and would consider myself a fanboy. but i still dont give a shit if they dont mention juggy got his power from the gem of cyttorak or is prof X half brother. these movies are entertaining either way. you cant just play all your cards for the fanboys. theres probably 5 times as many people that will see this movie that knows nothing about the back story. you please both types of fans like this. you gonna cry if in spidey 3 venom’s suit doesnt come from a alien planet or eddie brock alittle pussy shrimp too. that movie will still kick ass.

  • May 23, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Basically, what it comes down to is:

    by Heywood Jablowme

    Greedo shoots first. Now, do you get it? Have respect for the characters and their story. I never said that you’ve got to follow the books frame-for-frame, word-for-word. Too convoluted, doesn’t translate. What I would allow would be that in X3 the’re trying to tackle some of the heaviest material in the history and that the people behind it may have bitten off more than they can chew or audiences can digest for that matter. I hope not. Judging by some reviews they have done a “serviceable” job. I guess we’ll find out in about a week. At the end of the day, my gripe is that a tool like Vern either by being ironical or funny or both watches the movie, and comes back here with a weak review. After reading some of the above posts, you obviously have a legit take. Hell, you made excellent points, too bad you didn’t do a better job putting them into your *review* because you’d rather be “funny” than legit. I’m out.

  • May 23, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Lets theorize for a minute that 95% of the folks

    by Lando Griffin

    who go see the X flicks are casual fans with little to no knowledge of the comic book. The other 5% are die-hard fans with encyclopedic knowledge of the comic book. Who does the studio gear this movie towards? The casual fan who enjoys the movie and takes it as is or the fanboy geek who complains about where Juggernaut gets his powers?

  • May 23, 2006, 2:10 p.m. CST

    mutations and captboulder

    by oisin5199

    Cap, dude. Gotta correct you. Nightcrawler being part of a circus is totally canon. He was a high wire act along with his adoptive mother, sister (who became the 2nd Magik, I believe) and brother. And the mutations issue is interesting in that the District X series, most of the mutants had a mutation that was considered a handicap, not a ‘power.’ I always thought those characters were an interesting contrast to the superpowered mutants. Prime examples were some of Morrison’s stranger characters, especially Beak, who had no superpower – he was a birdboy but he couldn’t even fly. But he became a hero because of his drive and determination (despite his mutation, not because of it). I’d like to see some of those mutants in this.

  • May 23, 2006, 2:11 p.m. CST

    The real question is…

    by Irish Ape

    Does Bobby get Kitty to taste the popsicle? If he did, and she phased out at just the right second, would it go through the back of her skull? If she phases back too soon, would she have Brain Freeze? Priorities people, priorities…

  • May 23, 2006, 2:12 p.m. CST

    vern’s reviews are great, but…

    by mocky_puppet

    …i think the best part is when he responds to crazy talkbackers like heywood and makes them look dopey. that’s entertainment. i have never read a funnier ex-con trying to turn his life around.

  • May 23, 2006, 2:17 p.m. CST

    I’m itchy ALL over!

    by Borgnine JR

    Maybe it’s from sleeping with the dog?

  • May 23, 2006, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Holy shit!

    by Rant Breath

    Halle “Barely Entertaining” DOES talk like Latoya Jackson! Very observant Vern!

  • May 23, 2006, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Singer’s coming out present to us all…

    by alucardvsdracula

    Superman’s new costume. I must admit I had my doubts about Singers sexuality, but now it makes perfect sense. Who else but a queen could come up with such a Ghay outfit. Thanks for clearing that up.

  • May 23, 2006, 2:48 p.m. CST

    Hey there, Heywood Jablowme…

    by Mr Nice Gaius

    Remember when I gave you props for the “Lieutenant Steve” reference? I take that back. Cause you are quickly becoming the “Sgt. Maj. Phillip ‘Dick’ Dickerson” of AICN.

  • May 23, 2006, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Vern’s Sausagefest

    by Doctor_Sin

    Is now the new name of this TB. So, a few people dislike the “I gotta be Mr. Funnyman” approach of Vern’s reviews and suddenly, Vern’s secret prison bitches come out of the woodwork to defend him. Just lighten up. I like Vern’s reviews, but (like all reviewers) I find they can be hit-or-miss. I am more skeptical of the “it’s not like the comics” reviews.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Ghost Rider trailer…

    by Doctor_Sin

    Good job, Matthooper8! Let the CGI-haters commence their slam! I love it!

  • May 23, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    This just in to the newswire- humor is subjective

    by Lando Griffin

    and sometimes an overwhelming majority deems certains things to be, in fact, funny. Damn you and your wisdom are leaving Heywood – off to that interview with Marvel I gather to take over the X franchise.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:08 p.m. CST

    So I just watched the Ghost Rider trailer

    by rev_skarekroe

    1) I think maybe Ghost Rider is one of those characters that should’ve stayed a comic. He looks a little silly in real life. 2) I’m actually more interested in seeing a movie about the cowboy Ghost Rider you see for a few seconds there.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:17 p.m. CST

    I refuse to let an “overwhelming majority” tell me…

    by Doctor_Sin

    what to find funny. That ruins the whole ‘subjective’ nature of it, doesn’t it? And if humor is truly subjective as you say, then you shouldn’t really have a problem when someone finds it unfunny, right? Most people are so blindingly unimaginative themselves that they love to have people be funny for them.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:19 p.m. CST

    RE: Vern’s Sausagefest

    by Lando Griffin

    its not so much a defense of Vern and his review but rather a verbal beatdown on a massive dick. “Waahh, waahh, I don’t like _____. I’m gonna be a whiny bitch about it”

  • May 23, 2006, 3:20 p.m. CST

    re: ZIGGY

    by beamish13

    There was indeed a Ziggy television special in 1982, directed by none other than Richard Williams. Speaking of the strip, does it still exist anymore? It hasn’t been syndicated in the L.A. Times in decades, and I don’t follow comics strips as much as I used to, save for OPUS.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:25 p.m. CST

    RE: subjectivity of humor

    by Lando Griffin

    Again – if a majority of people find something funny, that does not necessarily dictate whether or not an individual find something funny. What I wrote were two different thoughts joined together in one sentence by the word “and”.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:25 p.m. CST

    you’ve gotta be kidding me

    by v1cious

    i can’t believe they actually used that line

  • May 23, 2006, 3:26 p.m. CST

    The Ziggy Christmas Special was depressing

    by rev_skarekroe

    It was about Ziggy and some homeless weirdo.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:27 p.m. CST

    You know, Doctor_Sin, I think you’re missing the point.

    by Childe Roland

    I don’t think the issue is whether a few people don’t find Vern’s humor funny. I think the issue is that there are some folks in these talkbacks who still don’t get that it’s intended to be funny. They think Vern’s being serious when he gets a name intentionally wrong or refers to a comic book as a comic strip, and it makes them angry because “how DARE someone who can’t get that right comment on the work.” That IS funny, especially when the same people tear into Vern in the talkback, and he has to essentially explain it to them. At that point, it doesn’t matter whether the person who missed the point of Vern’s humor found it funny or not, because they’ve become the joke. Kind of like that moment after you realized the “prison bitches” thing you typed wasn’t clever or funny. But te fact that you thought it was funny and clever when you typed it makes it funny on a different level entirely. Your embarassment becomes our amusement and the circle of talkback life continues.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:34 p.m. CST

    Lando: I love verbal beatdowns

    by Doctor_Sin

    I’ll unpin my voodoo doll now. ;)

  • May 23, 2006, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Oh, I get the point

    by Doctor_Sin

    I just can’t pick a side, so I opt to side with myself. We need to derail this TB further. Someone talk about pudding.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:40 p.m. CST

    re: Juggernaut, Bitch

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    I too would probably re-butter the popcorn of the person in front of me if I heard that line in the movie. I gut-laughed during that video, and that ain’t happen often. “Shut the fuck up, Charles, I’ma beat yo ass … What the fuck is this shit? Ah, I’m trippin’ off acid…” “What the fuck is wrong with her hair…you know everyone’s thinkin’ the same thing…” Damn, I could spend all day doing this, so I’ll stop.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:43 p.m. CST

    thanks vern

    by JudgeNXcutioner

    for giving money talks props. Both Chris tucker and ratners best flick

  • May 23, 2006, 3:48 p.m. CST

    To Heywood

    by Vern

    Here’s a tip, bud. When you come out of nowhere calling me a dick and a dildo and a numbnuts, tell me I have zero credibility because I made a joke about Garfield, that my web sight is shitty, talk about me jerking off, jealously lash out at my superior understanding of Seagalogy, say that I’m not funny, etc., and yet in the same post demonstrate clear misunderstanding of what I’ve written about AND don’t give any clue what it was I wrote that made you so ridiculously angry, it makes you look like sort of an asshole. In my opinion. Then when you follow it up with more posts calling me a “tool” and what not but it takes you several posts before I even find out that the reason you’re in a tizzy is because you blame me for the movie allegedly not being faithful enough to the comics, I think it points out a problem in communication here. I am a Writer so maybe I can help you with this. If you could just chill out for a second, maybe meditate, go for a walk, do some stretches or something, wait until you have a lowered heart rate, THEN sit down and make your points about how you think they should’ve approached the movie, maybe you would look like a smart dude and a witty gentleman with some good points, instead of the usual belligerent idiot impression you make. That is my opinion. Now let me explain something else to you. When I said that the cure in the movie was “some fucked up bullshit,” I stand behind that line. When they beat up Rodney King that was some fucked up bullshit. When they assassinated MLK, that was some fucked up bullshit. My choice of phrases was not just trying to be vulgar (like your screen name and the various things you called me) but happens to be the exact most perfect phrase to describe the cure premise and how it fits into the world of X-Men. It’s too bad that your forty years of studying X-Men didn’t help you with that. Anyway bud, sorry I made you have a heart attack and everything. I really didn’t mean to turn you into a crazy belligerent maniac, etc. Just trying to review X-Men 3. thanks bud.

  • May 23, 2006, 3:56 p.m. CST

    And by the way, ‘comic book’?

    by Vern

    It’s not supposed to be comical is it? And it sure as fuck isn’t a book, it’s a stapled together pamphlet. I don’t see how your stupid phrase is any more accurate than my stupid phrase. And to think I tried to be nice and not call it “children’s comic strips” like I usually do.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by lofe101

    Your the man. way to back your shit up. i knew were you were coming from the hole time. i got a cupple of chuckles. now only if harry can do the same. i would love his take on x-men now after he sees it.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Good stuff Vern…

    by brycemonkey

    I do like it that you adress your critics (and usually in a far more gentle manner than they deserve). I enjoyed the review as you don’t post a lot of ‘blockbuster’ reviews on AICN. And you knew going in it wasn’t going to be easy. Anyway I liked it and can’t wait for your Superman Returns (if you dare!).

  • May 23, 2006, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Childe Roland put it perfectly

    by Lando Griffin

    especially the last sentence

  • May 23, 2006, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Re: Heywood

    by IAmLegolas

    And thus, Heywood is pwn3d. *** Nobody’s going to answer my Sentinels question?

  • May 23, 2006, 4:15 p.m. CST

    FAN BOYS SHOULDNT REVIEW MOVIES CONT…

    by TheAnomalist

    ….A SPRAWLING FILM DEALING WITH HUNDREDS OF MUTANTS, WITH A WIDE RANGE OF POWERS, ALREADY HAS TO WORK OVERTIME TO ESTABLISH THE “SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF” IN THE “AVERAGE VIEWER”- WHO IS THE MAJORITY OF THE AUDIENCE(THAT IS, A REGULAR MOVIE-GOER THAT DOESN’T UNDERSTAND OR CARE ABOUT 30+ YEARS OF BACKSTORY)IF YOU ADD TO THAT A GOD-LIKE ALIEN POWER FROM A VAST OUTER-SPACE EMPIRE OR AN UNSTOPPABLE STRONGMAN POWERED BY SOME ANCIENT CRYSTAL; THEN ANY TYPE OF STORY LOGIC IS COMPLETELY OUT THE WINDOW-I THINK IT IS A CREDIT TO THE WRITERS THAT THEY FOUND WAYS TO MAKE PHOENIX AND JUGGERNAUT WORK ON A MORE REALISTIC LEVEL. SAME THING WITH SPIDERMAN 3- IF WE DO SEE A VERSION OF VENOM IT LIKELY WON’T BE THE SECRET WARS/ALIEN PARASITE VERSION- BECAUSE THAT IS COMPLETELY INCONSISTENT WITH THE SCOPE AND CONTENT OF THE MOVIES THAT HAVE GONE BEFORE. MORE LIKELY VENOM WILL BE THE REPRESSED DARK SIDE OF PETER PARKER’S SUBCONSCIENCE TRYING TO BREAK OUT. I DON’T THINK THE AVERAGE FANBOY APPRECIATES HOW EASY IT IS TO LOSE AN AUDIENCE THROUGH DOGGEDLY ADHERING TO COMIC BOOK CONTINIUTY.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:28 p.m. CST

    IAmLegoland

    by Vern

    I think you’re talking about the giant robot thing, because you said headlights. Sorry bud, you’ll be disappointed in that because it is only shown in silhouette. But if that’s some big thing from the comics maybe they left it unseen so they could use it for real in a future movie. This is just one little part in the beginning.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Vern, I don’t blame you for anything…

    by Heywood Jablowme

    related to the movie. Never said that. Don’t know where you got that. Again, I know the movie is not going to be 100% translated from book to screen. There, that’s the second time I’ve had to make that point. If anything I agree with you in that people who demand to have heads roll and call for boycotts because the “fastball special” was improperly executed, those people should take Shatner’s advice and “get a life”. And that’s not even the point of why I posted in the first place. I thought your review sucked. There. period. Oh, and I like the logic of comparing a movie scene involving Kelsey Grammer in a blue fur suit with Rodney King and the MLK assassination. Good luck with that whole “writing” thing. You’re a literary genius. I’ve got the Pulitzer committee on line one for you.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Can I bitch about that Ghost Rider trailer now?

    by Heywood Jablowme

    All I’ll say is that there’s a reason it’s coming out in February. It’s The Punisher all over again.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:42 p.m. CST

    About that Ghost Rider thing…

    by Heywood Jablowme

    If they really want to get that thing nailed down they need to fix the bike. It looks NOTHING like the one in the book. Also, they need to include the Circus of Crime. It wouldn’t be a Ghost Rider movie without them. ;)

  • May 23, 2006, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Ghost Rider

    by TheLastBystander

    nice use of the Island music there. i kept expecting Michael Bay to show up. looks… like it could be decent. that’s praise, no?

  • May 23, 2006, 4:45 p.m. CST

    So ghost rider isn’t based on the posters from the 70’s

    by JUSTICE41

    Hey Jab, the elevator don’t go all the way up eh? it’s a movie man not a literal translation.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:47 p.m. CST

    Heywood, your bitching is bringing me down…

    by brycemonkey

    and giving me a headache. Way to stink the place up.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Be nice to Ratner boys

    by cookylamoo

    You know it’s hard out here for a pimp.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    I need to know. Does the Beast say:

    by mrfan

    Oh my stars and garters? Please let that line be there.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    This is an outrage!

    by Orionsangels

    Because Spike is just the director that’s…I’m from Switzerland ok. Let me just tell everyone that…and since I was a small boy I had dreamed that Spike would win this…and now this has happened and I just wanna tell everyone that this is a farce! That I had the ideas for Star Wars and everything.

  • May 23, 2006, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Heywood’s got a point.

    by Childe Roland

    It’s all wrong. First of all, the actors in X3 look nothing like the characters as drawn for the last thirty years. Now, granted, each artist has drawn the characters a bit differently. In the 90s, for instance, most of the facial features that had distinguished the male characters from one another during the Claremont/Byrne era had been done away with in favor of a near-anime stylized uniface with a slimline nose bump, slightly Asian-looking eyes and dot-cleft chin, while the female characters’ faces looked almost exactly the same as the males but more oval shaped and without the dot cleft. But that doesn’t matter. The actors they cast should really have looked like any given represzentation of the characters they were portraying that I could have pulled from any comic during any year of its run and any artist’s tenure. They should have hired changelings. And the actors aren’t proportioned properly, either. Look at their heads! They’re huge compared to their bodies! They almost look like bobbleheads compared to the five-foot-wide-at-the-shoulders icons they were drawn as in the 90s (although I guess they’re close to the way they looked in the late 70s and early 80s…but Wolverine’s still too tall). And their legs aren’t anywhere near spindly enough. Plus, these actors aren’t made of paper at all! Everyone knows comic books are printed on paper, not acted out by real people. And when was the last time you saw a comic book projected on a huge screen where they didn’t leave a single frame up long enough for you to read the dialogue balloon? Oh…that’s right! They don’t even have fucking dialogue balloons! Man! The more I think about it, the more I think Heywood’s right on the fucking money. They totally got this comic book translation thing all wrong.

  • May 23, 2006, 5 p.m. CST

    Heywood, you are a fraud

    by Vern

    If you really knew anything about X-Men you would understand what I was talking about. The idea of mutants being “cured” is a heartbreaking, historic, controversial event in the fictional world of the X-Men. So to them yes, it’s Rodney King, or Stonewall. It’s a huge betrayal and a turning point for their world. I took you at your word and figured you really were an X-Men expert but I bet you’ve never read an X-Men “COMIC BOOK” in your god damn life. I know because I haven’t and I at least have a basic understanding of what the fucking thing is about. Ya phony. In your defense though, I know you were kidding about that Ghost Rider motorcycle comment.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:03 p.m. CST

    What I really want to know…

    by DocPazuzu

    …is what Ringbearer9 thinks of the color they used for the flames in the Ghost Rider trailer.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Ingeld

    by DeadPanWalking

    Very good point. I’ve always wondered 1. Why the wildly disperate mutations across the X-Men? Wouldn’t there be a lot of the same mutations? And what about the mutants with mutations that don’t translate as superpowers per se, like sneezing blood or wheels instead of hands? Why isn’t there an X-Men spin-off about mutants with really lousey powers? I guess Mystery Men and The Specials sort of hinted at this, but I think this is an issue that would well be addressed within the X-Men and Marvel Universe.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:18 p.m. CST

    I got giped with a shit super power…

    by brycemonkey

    my fingernails grow *slightly* faster than the normal human. I therefore need to always have a manicure set close to hand. Where’s my cool leather suit and gang of cool mutants? Fucking nowhere.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:18 p.m. CST

    “I’ve got the Pulitzer committee on line one for you. ”

    by Lando Griffin

    Heywood – although humor is subjective, you sir, are still neither witty nor funny, in any language or culture, across any age or race demographic. *** God damn I have come to grips with the fact that I am a dork and as much as I hate to pull out the old “40- year-old-sci-fi/comic-nerd-virgin-living-in-moms-basement” stereotype some folks on here really bring it to the forefront.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:32 p.m. CST

    Is it really the return of the Legend of Ringbearer9?

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    Or a False Ringbearer (This one is Ring-Wearer9–same guy or not?). If it’s really him then it’s time for Defcon 5 in preparation for Talkback Apocalypse. Hopefully Ringbearer9 is still in nuclear hypersleep somwhere in the ocean off the coast of Japan.

  • May 23, 2006, 5:34 p.m. CST

    Make that Defcon 1.

    by ‘Cholera’s Ghost

    I always get my Def’s turned around.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Thank you Vern!

    by cerebulon

    I had no idea what the Jugernaut Bitch stuff was about. That is funny as hell.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:22 p.m. CST

    Humor IS subjective

    by Ribbons

    I personally find reviews by Vern to be (generally) hilarious. But I can empathize with people who spend a lot of time on the Internet and find that type of humor old at this point. I actually think Heywood gets Vern (more or less) and genuinely doesn’t like his material. And that’s fine, really; he should be free to say that without fear of reproach. At the same time, I’m not gonna be very receptive to his (or anyone who agrees with him’s) complaints about not tolerating his sense of humor considering he’s spent the better part of a day relentlessly attacking Vern for his “‘review'” simply because he wan’t amused.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:25 p.m. CST

    The Dude Who Works In My Local Comic Shop

    by CaptDanielRoe

    Knows a dude who dated Famke Jannsen, no really, and they all went out to punk shows together. I believe him.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:29 p.m. CST

    Oh, and…

    by Ribbons

    …it *is* rather ironic that someone named Heywood Jablomie apparently isn’t a fan of crass jokes.

  • May 23, 2006, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Geeks Who ‘Hated It’ Seeing It 3x and Buying the DVD

    by ZombieSolutions

    EX-FUCKING-ACTLY, Vern!!! Hilarious! You nailed it; that pretty much sums up 99% of the TalkBackers; well, the “haters” anyway. If all y’all haters “hate it” so much, why do you care so much? Hmm? Dorks.

  • May 23, 2006, 7:08 p.m. CST

    I certainly hope his Superman Returns review contains

    by FluffyUnbound

    that line. Because it would be THE FUNNY. Almost as funny as Heywood wetting his panties because Vern made fun of nerd fanboy purists in a review about a film based on a second-rate comic.

  • May 23, 2006, 7:16 p.m. CST

    X-Men Fever

    by Dollar Bird

    Thanks, Vern. I always check out your reviews, even though I only plan on seeing 7% of the movies you write about. (This one, maybe I’ll see.) Keep up the good work. … To the Vern Haters: Far be it from me to explain the joke, but Vern has pretty consistently shown to be the most sensitive of the AICN regulars when it comes to social prejudices. (One need look no further than his well thought out review of “The Boondocks” teevee show to see this.) Just because he uses ultra straight-forward talk, refers to an actor’s worst film as a “where-you’ll-know-him-from”, and broadcasts his spoiler warnings too late does not mean he’s a weak writer. I love his aloof style (and I’m sorry you don’t). In fact, I think he’s one of the few movie reviewers on the site with a genuine voice and a pretty even mind. (i.e., he tends not to see stuff though the fanboy lens, yet keeps the movie’s purpose in mind. The man won’t blame some schlock for not being high-brow art.) … Ah, I remember my 1st Vern review: Long, long ago when he reviewed “Wild Things 3” or some such DTV flick featuring nudity and murder. I loved the review. And when I saw the movie available for rent at the local Blockbuster, I thought, “Oh, that’s what that one guy reviewed. That was funny.” Then I didn’t rent the movie.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:32 p.m. CST

    “I’m going light on the spoilers…”

    by half vader

    Don’t worry mate, a couple of fuckheads in the talkbacks have already ruined this movie for us by revealing who dies. I hope it gave their tiny willies a little hard-on like the one they get when the trip meter turns over to a big round number. Super flying fuckwits. At least my comfort is that they’ll die lonely and insignificant having never had the guts to put their money where their mouth is.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:48 p.m. CST

    Personally, I *can* handle Vern in large doses…

    by jollysleeve

    …not just small doses. For one, while it’s true most internet reviews go for the snarky humor thing, very few actually pull it off. Vern’s reviews are actually funny (IMHO). In addition, buried beneath the absurdity, he usually makes some pretty good points. It’s obvious he approaches this stuff earnestly, and one usually walks away from his reviews knowing what he thought about a movie and why. That’s what seperates Vern from someone like “Neil Cumpston.” (And this doesn’t even factor in the ass-kickery known as “Vern Tells It Like It Is”)…… Yeah, I know this whole post doesn’t make me sound ultra-cool, but sometimes you just gotta say something nice, especially when it’s warranted.

  • May 23, 2006, 8:49 p.m. CST

    Has anyone?

    by UncleEthan

    Has anyone seen anything out there to confirm that the Wolvierine film will be a PG-13 version of “weapon X”?

  • May 23, 2006, 8:57 p.m. CST

    re: Wolverine prequel

    by Ribbons

    Well I have no idea what the blue blazes “Weapon X” is, but I figure that a prequel about Wolverine will touch on his ‘origin’ (by which I mean volunteering for the Weapon X program, not going to the Yukon to chop wood or whatever) story at least briefly. However, I think it would violate X-Movie Universe continuity to have him lead some pack of scientifically-engineered super soldiers from Alkali Lake since it looked like he busted outta that joint as soon as he woke up in ‘X2,’ so if that’s what “Weapon X” is, no, the Wolverine film will probably not be about that.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Vern, “If that is important to you” re: Juggs

    by Immortal_Fish

    Yes, dammit, it’s important. Why? Because comic heroes are defined by their WEAKNESSES not by their abilities. Take kryptonite out of the DC universe and what do you have? Absolutely NOTHING! A mangod that can do anything at any time and is ultimately boring. Show me one good Supes story that didn’t include either kryptonite or Kal’s death and I’d love you longtime, Johnnycakes. And that’s my beef with the Juggs adaptation. His whole weakness lied in keeping his damn helmet on. With that taken out of the forumla, you miss MAJOR overall development potential for the character in the film’s universe. Consider Spider-Man and the webshooters. All that potential — the source of which provided much *humanizing* of the 4-color larger than life character — is GONE just to save time in exposition. Absolutely no potential whatsoever for his enemies to cripple him, outside of the preposterous scaling of buildings with Aunt May in tow. For the folks that say Juggs couldn’t have been done faithfully because of the general movie-going public’s inability to grasp mystical canon, fine. I give you a helmet that grants a nanotech physique. Problem solved with the identifyable weakness intact, sans-mutation. If they wanted a throwaway musclebound henchman, fine! Reuse Sabertooth from the first flick and spare us any exposition. No sense in an improper adaptation of a 30-year plus old icon. And this is but only one facet of my beef with the cookie munching X-Men flicks. Singer’s legacy continues.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:18 p.m. CST

    some Cyclops thoughts…

    by mrevilbreakfast

    Fuck it, I thought the review was pretty freakin funny. Cyclops’ apparent death won’t really affect too many cinema goers too much, i don’t think – his character was never really in the thick of things for the first 2 movies, so i don’t think non-comic geeks will have too much of an affiliation with him. Eh, he’s dead. Might as well have been the kid on the beach from X1 who poked the jellyfish with a stick. On the matter of Cyclops though, i think the casting was great, as Marsden’s greatest asset as a “Hollywood Hunk” is his eyes… and for 3 movies, you don’t get to see them. For me, that’s just fantastic. Onwards.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:24 p.m. CST

    Immortal Fish

    by Ribbons

    You have to realize that not everyone gives as much of a shit about how similar to the comics the characters are as you do. I don’t mean to sound crass, but seriously. The success of a comic book movie is not generally measured by the amount of changes made to the source material. And Spider-Man’s organic webshooters were a metaphor for puberty, not an excuse to avoid exposition. I personally think it humanizes the character more since the character is more sympathetic; someone capable of inventing a revolutionary polymer really ought to have no problem scrounging money together and so on, but whatever. Different strokes for different folks. I also think it’s pretty ridiculous by insulting the general public, saying the reason Juggernaut was changed to a mutant is because they’re “unable to grasp mystical canon.” Yeah. That’s precisely it. I’ve said it before (in vain) and I’ll say it again (in vain): why does the criteria for what makes a movie good suddenly change when it’s based on a comic book?

  • May 23, 2006, 9:25 p.m. CST

    Yeah, I’m with you, Vern.

    by pizzatheface

    These people are not like us.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:42 p.m. CST

    DeadPanWalking There are Muties like that

    by JUSTICE41

    In Fact they are in this flick. Called the Morlocks. Much like the H.G.Wells version, they live undergound.

  • May 23, 2006, 9:51 p.m. CST

    Ribbons, “You have to realize”

    by Immortal_Fish

    Just because I get it doesn’t mean I have to like it. Chances are you’re in the same camp. This can produce odd yet beneficial results (e.g. a Blade character that *DOES*n’t drive his motorcycle upward the length of a highrise). And yet, this can produce odd yet promising results (e.g. a Blaze character that *DOES* drive his motorcycle upward the length of a highrise). “webshooters were a metaphor for puberty” This does nothing to support the potential weakness that defines the classic character. Okay, so, Pete was the brainchilde of a 3M polymer. Did he know how to sell it? Did he know possible application? Of course not. He was a kid that wanted to knock off bad guys like the one that killed his uncle last week. This is impossible stgguff to explain in exposition?

  • May 23, 2006, 10:28 p.m. CST

    It’s much easier…

    by Ribbons

    …for people to suspend their disbelief over fantastic circumstances than it is with odd behavior. And it should be. Watching a movie where the characters make no sense is almost always going to be an exercise in futility. “The producers” probably had no more to do with the decision to make Peter’s webbing organic than Raimi, Koepp and Cameron did. And while I think it works as a metaphor for puberty, I’ll concede that the chief concern was probably whether or not people would connect with this child inventor who could create better adhesives than the top minds at 3M yet still wondered how he was gonna find the money to pay his aunt’s mortgage. I don’t buy that he’s too distracted by his life as a superhero to realize the potential such an invention would have (though not distracted enough to invent the webbing in the first place, of course) and I think it makes the threat of poverty (another defining characteristic of Spider-Man) pretty ridiculous. I can respect where the two of you are coming as comic book fans, but I disagree with it. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it is a pretty good credo for the people in charge of these things to follow, but not all change is bad.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:29 p.m. CST

    D’oh

    by Ribbons

    “Though not TOO distracted to invent webbing,” that should say.

  • May 23, 2006, 10:39 p.m. CST

    I love how the “comic” geeks say…

    by DoctorWho?

    …(insert nerdy comic book guy voice from The Simpsons here)”…allow me to remove my precious X-Men # 137 from it’s hermetically sealed combination lock packaging and submit to you that panel 14 thru 22…which is sacrosanct to X-Men lore… were not properly represented in this film. Therefore, IT sucks, YOU suck and EVERYTHING sucks. Oh please God, why won’t the filmmakers consult ME and MY expertise on all things MARVEL…wha?…dammit mom, I’ll be out in a second, I’m going to the bathroom!”

  • May 23, 2006, 11:10 p.m. CST

    ziggy movie

    by teddanson37

    i totally saw that. he fought the cookie monster, voiced by fraiser. just 48hours left. can’t wait.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:36 p.m. CST

    Here’s what it comes down to:

    by Heywood Jablowme

    I don’t expect a literal translation of the books to the screen. Hell, I don’t even want that. However, I would expect that there is a modicum of respect for the source material. Otherwise, you’ve got dickheads giving us The Punisher set in Tampa, Florida or goddamn Batman & Robin. Should the Kingpin be black? Sure, why not. Michael Clarke Duncan did fine. Mechanical webshooters? Didn’t bother me a bit. Should Nick Nolte have been Absorbing Man? No, but only because he chewed up the scenery like Kirstie Alley in a goddamn Dairy Queen. Now I’ve probably pissed off all you Kirstie Alley fans. Sorry, but let’s face it, Savvick ain’t fitting into that uniform from Wrath of Khan ever again. At least I hope not. In summary, I hope the film does good. The only thing I dread is that they rushed it and tried to put a perfectly good 3 hour movie into 90 minutes, which brings me (and others) to the problem with the storyline. However, the previous ones were good & there’s a positive buzz out there for this one. I guess I’ll find out Friday. Oh, and this “review” thing. I just didn’t think it was funny. I “got” the joke. Just didn’t find it all *that* funny. Certainly not the second coming of Lenny Bruce that some people around here made it out to be. I guess I could have said that without all the vitriol, but where’s the fun in that? Vern, I’m sorry I told you to set yourself on fire. That *might* have been out of line on my part. Hope you use my line in that Superman Returns review. It wasn’t that funny, so it should be right at home in your write-up. (jk) I’ll be looking for it. I promise I’ll get back on my meds and not be so personally assy next time around. Now get back to that “cake scene” in Under Siege.

  • May 23, 2006, 11:40 p.m. CST

    Ratner Haters

    by Fernwick_

    I agree with TheSithMaster when he says Ratner hasnt made a bad movie yet. So why the hate? I think its cuz the studios like him. He can go under budget, he doesnt fight them so much, and he isnt edgy.. I think the fans hate the lack of any sort of edge. But hell give the man a break, Easy Money, The Rush Hour Films, Red Dragon and now X3??? Talk about high maintenance. Get real guys, I guess the studios should call YOU for advise.

    Hamferno

    www.theidiottestament.com

  • May 24, 2006, 12:43 a.m. CST

    Fuck the haterz!

    by Lamerz

    X3 will kick azz. End illegal immigration! Mexico doesn’t allow illegals in their country. Why should the US?

  • May 24, 2006, 12:59 a.m. CST

    Lamerz

    by Ribbons

    Is that some kind of performance art, or maybe ironic statement? Because I have no idea what the fuck illegal immigration has to do with “haters.”

  • May 24, 2006, 1:13 a.m. CST

    Rotten Tomatoes still works guys….

    by ribbitking

    I love how people sit and wait on good or bad reviews to confirm their pre-oponion of what X3 will be like…

    As far as the tomato meter, haven’t checked in a few hours, but there were few reviews with a 50% total.

    Variety and Hollywood Reporter, though predictably snobby somtimes, …confirmed my own pre-opinion based on the scenes i’ve seen so far. Decent moments of action, but none of the care or thought gone into the first 2.

  • May 24, 2006, 1:50 a.m. CST

    Juggernauts, Cyclop, etc.

    by Vern

    Okay Immortal Fish I understand your concern. It’s like I said, as somebody who only sees these as movies I am not looking for the same thing you are. Speaking as an infidel, I have to say that I am very, very glad they didn’t go with a magic crystal. That sounds completely retarded and honestly could’ve ruined the whole movie. Singer established a reality that works, that is basically our world but with the introduction of these mutants and the political problems it causes. I like this world and I don’t want to see any god damn magic in it, no thank you. Juggernaut *is* just a henchman and I can understand if he’s your favorite character that’s a waste to you, but to us infidels it’s cool because we get to see this new character which is more exciting than just using Saber Tooth as you asked, that would’ve seemed pretty half assed (and I thought he died?) Also it was exciting for some of these Juggernaut freaks in the theater. The thing about the helmet, there actually is one comment about his helmet and I thought maybe there was something more to it but if there was there is no need within this story to explain it, it would just be unneccessary clutter. I read the review on Chud where the guy complains about all the characters not being used enough. That makes sense if you’re attached to them from years of comic books but to me they’re just a movie character and I was actually really impressed with the economy of the writing, the way each character got across what they needed to in a very limited amount of screen time. As for Cyclops, I meant it when I called him a whiny douchebag. You gotta admit that in the movie version he is not likable. I will be glad if he is not around for part 4. Sorry. Somebody a million posts ago had a good point about how it’s hard to have a character where you can’t see his eyes, but I’m not sure that’s enough of an excuse because Blade wears sunglasses for most of his trilogy but you sure understand his personality more than Cyclops’s. Also somebody complained about Halle Berry not having an accent. That might’ve been cool for you guys but most people who just know the movies would watch it and wonder what in fuck’s name is going on with Halle Berry having an accent she didn’t have before. Unless they explained that it was caused by a magic crystal. Anyway, you might not like the movie but I hope you do. Also, thanks Heywood for giving peace a chance. I’m not sure which line you want for superman though, I must’ve missed a post.

  • May 24, 2006, 1:53 a.m. CST

    I saw all the early 90’s cartoons as a kid…

    by isildur29

    and loved them. What I remember is Phoenix flying into space and stuff and all sorts of actions that WON’T work in a movie. So I’m cool with what they have done and I am far from a comic nerd. What I don’t get about fanboys is how they KNOW X3 is going to suck because blah blah blah YET they praise everything about Superman? Have you fanboys actually watched those trailers? They aren’t nearly as exciting or engaging as X3’s trailers (in my opinion) But your going to rip X3 due to some cheesy lines and backstory problems? I’m sorry thats fucked up of you fanboys. At least X3 created its own “movie universe” for its superheroes and stuck by it. Superman is a quasi sequel that refrences a movie from over 30 years ago where the main love interest looks 22 but has a 7 year old kid? Not only that but the Superman trailer is full of campy one liners. (you wanted to see me?) So I propose this. I want to see both but at least X3 impresses me with its trailers and stuff Superman scares me away because it looks lame

  • May 24, 2006, 1:54 a.m. CST

    damn enter

    by isildur29

    so why don’t you see the movie then bitch. P.S. Spider-Man 3 is all that matters

  • May 24, 2006, 2:34 a.m. CST

    I love comic books, they’re a fantastic artform…

    by ScarranHalfBreed

    When they’re good, they’re wonderful, replete with three dimensional characters and situatuions and relationships that the reader can get really into, like any other story-telling medium. I love them – I FUCKING LOVE THEM. I’m just starting to collect Preacher and its fantastic. But CHRIST – why do people take something that is fun and turn it into something so po-faced and serious? Such-and-such would never act like this, etc. It’s meant to be fun, isn’t it? Just go along for the ride.

  • May 24, 2006, 2:47 a.m. CST

    To you dipshits who criticize Vern’s writing/language:

    by Darth Bono Jr.

    Vern is not a fanboy. He’s an old guy. He is “a Writer who is trying to go clean after a life of crime, alcohol, etc.” He has rehabilitated himself and is now mainly concerned with writing about filmatism and politics. But it’s still funny to see how you all “correct” his reviews–as if you know what YOU’RE talking about! Heh heh…

  • May 24, 2006, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Faithfulness

    by Napoleon Park

    Faithfullness to the original source material is the only valid criteria for judging a cinematic adaptation from any other source, whether it’s literary, animation, the graphic medium or television. *** I have read a lot of writing by amatuer critics who insist on grabbing a joke and driving it into the ground. Like calling Xavier “Professor X-Man” four times. Or thinking it;s funny to pretend not to know the difference between a comic book and a comic strip three times. Jokes that aren’t funny the first time don’t improve no matter how quickly you try to age them. The Cookie Monster reference was funny, though.

  • May 24, 2006, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Ringbearer9 and the color of Fire

    by Mr Nice Gaius

    Thanks Doc Paz. The sweet memory of Ringodoodles thoughts on Peter Jackson’s use of CGI fire in “King Kong” brought a TB tear to my eye. There should be no doubt that he thinks the “Ghost Rider” CGI fire is too orange and that the color of fire for FIRE is boring. — Cholera: yes, Ring has returned to us as Ringwearer9. He finally revealed himself when PJ delivered his Kong DVD message to AICN. He has remained as elusive as Bigfoot ever since…

  • May 24, 2006, 11:07 a.m. CST

    As Long As Its Not As Bad As DAREDEVIL or CATWOMAN

    by ZombieSolutions

    DAREDEVIL really is the worst superhero movie ever made, followed closely by CATWOMAN. FANTASTIC FOUR was ‘meh’, but I enoyed it for what it was — disposable fun. I reckon X3 is probably okay fun, but a huge disappointment compared to how great the first two were. Besides, I’m only going to see it because I am in love with ELLEN PAGE. Not really, but… okay, I am, I can admit it. At least she’s 19. That makes it legal and okay. *sigh* oh to be young again…

  • May 24, 2006, 3:58 p.m. CST

    DAMN!

    by frank cotton

  • May 24, 2006, 4 p.m. CST

    “I’m MUTANT and I’m PROUD!”– NY Magazine put it best:

    by masheen81

    “Brat

  • May 24, 2006, 8:49 p.m. CST

    Napoleon Park

    by Vern

    Unless you were joking I can’t agree with you there. “Faithfulness to the original source material” is not “the only valid criteria for judging a cinematic adaptation from any source.” By that logic, THE GODFATHER, JAWS and PSYCHO must be utter shit, since from what I gather they are not very faithful to the books they’re based on. If you heard somebody complaining that THE GODFATHER is worthless because they cut out the subplot about Talie Shire’s breast implants you would think they were an idiot, and you would probaly be right. If not an idiot, they would be an overly literal minded person who doesn’t understand that movies are different from books and that an adaptation can be an opportunity to retell a story in a different way.

  • May 24, 2006, 9:06 p.m. CST

    CaptBoulder

    by Vern

    First of all bud, I would be fooling myself if I said I was speaking for “casual filmgoers.” I am too crazy about movies to be considered casual. I was speaking for people like me who like the X-Men movies but haven’t read the illustrative graphical masterworks that they are inspired by. Just because we happen to not be interested in the history of magic crystals does not make us lazy or stupid, it just makes us not interested in the history of magic crystals. You might’ve misunderstood what I was saying. Sure it would be fine if Storm had an accent from part 1 on. But this is part 3, it’s a little late for that, is all I’m saying. Just like it would be silly if all the sudden Wolverine was blue or had wings when he didn’t in part 1 or 2. As for “having the right to know the history of the character,” yes, this is America and surely we, as Americans, can go to a comic book store, library or web sight and read about Juggernaut’s magic crystal powers. But luckily the writers of the movie are tasteful enough not to try to cram some unrelated plot about magic crystals into the movie. This is a story about what it means to be a mutant and it would be bad, stupid writing to throw in a subplot about a non-mutant with a magic crystal hat. To suddenly expand the world of the movie to also include magic in order to explain the original backstory of a minor character for no reason would, in my opinion, be bad writing that distracts from the story they’re trying to tell just for the sake of satisfying a very small percentage of the audience. Not to mention that this particular portion of the audience is largely unsatisfiable and most of them had decided a year ago that they already hated the movie before it had been shot. If the character is ruined by not having a magic crystal then I’m sorry, that’s a bummer for you, maybe they should’ve used somebody else then who does not have a magic crystal. But I enjoyed him as a badass mutant and so did some of the crazy Juggernaut fans in the theater who apparently don’t care as much about magic crystal powers as other comic book fans do. Anyway sorry to disagree with everything you said there but that’s how I feel about it. Thanks captain.

  • May 25, 2006, 12:05 a.m. CST

    “DAREDEVIL really is the worst superhero movie evermade

    by DOGSOUP

    Uh good sir, have you forgotten such cinematic bloody abortions ripped from within the wombs of the source material as “Batman and Robin”, “Barb Wire”, “Judge Dredd”, and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”? All worse than Daredevil.

  • May 25, 2006, 1:45 a.m. CST

    Hey Vern

    by Ribbons

    Just out of curiosity, how come you always say “web sight” instead of “website”? Is that part of your schtick, or what?

  • May 25, 2006, 6:04 a.m. CST

    x3 rocks

    by atrips

    i have watched it today morning…being in nz has its advantages – we are almost a day ahead than the rest of the world.

    it ain’t as bad as portrayed on these reviews.it was fun and definitely more mutant action than the first 2 ones. it has some lost moments but also has some great moments. a definite enjoyable watch.

  • May 25, 2006, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Vern’s review was…

    by dr_imi

    Spot on. Audience I watched it with in the UK loved it. I watched it with someone that hasn’t ever read an XMen comic, and I read quite a few as a kid; I certainly know the Dark Phoenix saga inside out. I really couldn’t give two fucks that the Phoenix never flamed or that Juggernaut wasn’t transformed by a magic crystal into a human juggernaut. And nor did anyone else. The fact is that nerds have some bucks, but the majority of folks have the bulk of cinemagoing dollars. And I don’t see why anyone would be so dumb as to produce a stilted 200 million dollar movie created exclusively so nerds could see real life actors act out the fucking panels from their comic books. If you want that, go to your shed with your douche buddies and act. Act to your geek heart’s content. Film it, and distribute it as “Shitty Panel-by-Panel Recreation of a Comic”. If you want a neat reinterpretation of X-Lore in a fun movie laced with some really quite profound philosophical issues which certainly drove discussion between me and my buddy as we had a beer afterwards, then X3 is the best yet this summer.

  • May 26, 2006, 2:15 a.m. CST

    review

    by amievil

    as a superhero movie if i knew nothing about the characters except what was in the other 2 movies then it was awesome…

    as an X-Men movie it completely sucked ass….

    i enjoyed the movie experience as a movie…but i did not enjoy it as an X-men story at all…

    does that make sense to anyone except for me….

  • May 26, 2006, 3:10 a.m. CST

    vern vs. heywood

    by AZJim

    Vern is very funny and pretty damn insightful, too, and also wrong when he says that X3 is good, cuz it is fairly lame, though at least he admits that the “happy” ending doesn’t really make any sense. Vern would be a lot funnier if he could come up with amazing stuff like Kirstie Alley fat jokes. You know, Kirstie Alley, the fat actress who starred in that sitcom, FAT ACTRESS a few years back. It’s about time someone called her on it—SHE’S FAT!!!!!!!!! Ha ha.

  • May 26, 2006, 3:11 a.m. CST

    GoatZinger 2: Eccentric Bugaboo

    by DocPazuzu

    Tsk, tsk, TomBodet… Don’t you remember what got you banned last time? Keep reposting those lengthy rants.

  • May 26, 2006, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Doc Pazuzu getting paranoid ….

    by Ringwearer9

    All this talk about him being Homewrecker is getting to him. He’s seeing ghost talkbackers now.

  • May 26, 2006, 9:27 a.m. CST

    “Doc Pazuzu getting paranoid ….”

    by DocPazuzu

    It’s not paranoia if they admit it. Besides, how many other talkbackers do you know of who say “Mikey” instead of “Michael”, “bloo” instead of “blue” and “Petey Jax” instead of “Peter Jackson”? You merely got caught sucking up to someone who was ass-ramming you in another talkback, Ringy. Ouch.

  • May 26, 2006, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by Lando Griffin

    reason and logic are like kryptonite to rabid fanboys (see what I did there rabid fanboys? I put it in terms even you could understand)

  • May 26, 2006, 4:45 p.m. CST

    New GoatZinger meltdown…

    by DocPazuzu

    …to commence in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…

  • May 26, 2006, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Someone named Ringwearer9…

    by Ribbons

    …has the chutzpah to mock someone for “seeing ghost TalkBackers.” Gee, wonder why? The fact that you probably are who you pretend to be makes the joke even more pointless.

  • May 27, 2006, 12:50 a.m. CST

    Ribbons…

    by Mr Nice Gaius

    you have NO idea. His treachery goes further than even any of us can imagine…

  • May 27, 2006, 12:54 a.m. CST

    And TomBodet = Vaginal Discharge

    by Mr Nice Gaius

    You have officially entered yourself on my “ShiteList”. Prepare yourself. I will haunt you until the end of day. GoatZinger or not, you are clearly a cunt.

  • May 27, 2006, 2:38 a.m. CST

    Juggernaut stole the show

    by andrew coleman

    Movie was pretty bad besides him. I seriously love going to the TB here because the lovers of X3 confuse me to the point of laughter. Um the first hour of this movie really doesn’t just suck but it’s kind of boring. The final battle is very fun, Beast tears it up. But over all this movie is a little limp. I’m not saying it’s horrible but it just doesn’t deserve the defense some have been giving it. Also everytime Jugs was on screen the movie lightened up. His scene’s at the end with Kitty were the best in the entire movie.

  • May 27, 2006, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Someone Explain This to Me Plz.

    by OnSlaught35

    Ok, when kitty and leech where standing at the wall and Jugganaut ran at them, they separated and he hit the wall and not himself out. Ok are we to assume that leech took his power away. News Flash! JUGGERNAUT IS NOT A MUTANT! HE IS IN FACT CHARLES STEP BROTHER. BUT HE IS NOT A MUTANT. HE FOUND A MYSTIC GEM WHICH GAVE HIM HIS POWER.

    By the way I thought this film was okay. I gave it a 7 because they actually killed 2 characters in this film. Yes I said 2. Stay for the end credits to see who lives. Enjoy

  • May 27, 2006, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Ribbons and Childe

    by Immortal_Fish

    Guys, I hear you when you echo Vern in stating that few if any can be patient with fanboys that are wholly intolerant of a film adaptation that deviates a mere iota from the source material. But please remember, I *DUG* the Fantastic Four flick, despite the great divergance in the origin of Doctor Doom. But here’s the rub — the film’s Doom still has plenty of room to grow into the same character from the comic, despite the difference in the origin. We can still get the meglomaniac ruler of Latveria that was the boilerplate reference material for Darth Vader. That can still happen in a FF sequel. But with the X series, so much has been stretched and revised almost beyond the point of recognition that there is no going back this side of a reboot.

  • May 27, 2006, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Vern, “Halle Berry having an accent she didn’t have”

    by Immortal_Fish

    Hope you’ll pardon me for splitting hairs with a hairsplitter, but that already happened between X1 and X2, only in reverse. In X1 she had some kinda lame Jamaican thing going on. I guess she naturalized in X2.

  • May 27, 2006, 11:36 p.m. CST

    X3

    by Dragulf

    was OK. Xavier got blowed away ;p I think the Ratt did an OK job considering hollywood will always screw up something (or several.)

VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 at 4:46 am and is filed under Action, AICN, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

12 Responses to “God help us… Vern has seen X3…”

  1. You know, Vern, I hated this one when it came out because none of the holy shit moments really felt earned, and by the end of the movie all of the characters from the first two had been killed or neutered or otherwise removed from the plot so I was stuck with Halle Berry and a bunch of nobodies in stupid motorcycle jackets. It’s like if Han and Chewie got killed off and Return of the Jedi ended with Leia hanging out with that dude with the lips who co-piloted the Millennium Falcon. But the new Terminator and Wolverine sucked so bad that I kind of feel like I’m starting to remember it more fondly by comparison. At least Last Stand had the guts to make new shit happen instead of just coasting on prequel cruise control where everything is preordained so who gives a fuck.

  2. Nope, not a chance. Just because the geek franchises have sunk even further, doesn’t change the fact that X3 is a series of blundering, poorly timed sequences that should be exciting, should carry emotional weight, should pay off two great films worth of building and set up. It fails at pretty much all of those things, with like one or two exceptions (Mystique scenes are a standout)

  3. Okay, so I checked it out again, and despite what my respected fellow commentator Brendan said, I actually did like it quite a bit more. Knowing all of the disappointing “shocking” developments ahead of time meant that I could focus on the movie’s strong points, of which there were many. The mutant cure idea brought up a lot of ethical issues that weren’t all neatly resolved in the end, which I admire. I admit that putting the cure in a gun is pretty fucked up, but guns with bullets in them will cure most mutations pretty quick, too, and nobody minds that. Why is it okay for Wolverine to kill any mutant he wants to but he can’t stick him with a needle and render him harmless? Sure, the dude wouldn’t have his beloved rhino horn sticking out of his face anymore, but at least he’d be alive. Also, which would have been more humane (mutante?) for Beast to do: Giving Magneto the cure or just snapping his neck? He could have easily done either, but he chose the option that robbed him of his civil rights but left him with his life. The movie still has its problems (Cyclops still goes out like a chump, and Storm continues to be a boring character with no arc) but it made me think and had some cool action (though nothing on par with the Nightcrawler stuff from X2). At least it reaches for thematic and dramatic heights, unlike Wolverine, which just rehashes stuff that was already more or less told in the flashbacks in X2. Clearly, Last Stand would have been better if Singer had stayed onboard to really nail the emotion, but it’s actually way better than I gave it credit for at the time.

  4. Respected, huh? That’s a new one.
    Maybe I should go back and watch this again, see how it plays now. My main thing with your points is that I think you’re giving the ethical choices more thought than the filmmakers did. When the cure is presented to use against Magneto, it doesn’t seem to weigh on any of them. It’s a device they can use to win, so they use it, and then immediately move on. When Wolverine kills someone, it isn’t anybody with a personality or character that might make you question Wolverine’s actions: the people are almost always creepy looking wearing leather and straps, who seem fully aware of how evil they are.
    And what about this: Gandalf spends the whole movie pressuring Jean to unleash her powers, to not allow anyone to restrain her. When she finally does this, he immediately gets a shits-his-pants-look, dramatically comments “What have I done” and then runs away afraid. You could say that he wasn’t prepared for the Phoenix, but it just comes across as laziness.

  5. I will concede all of your points on the shoddy execution of the themes I discussed, which was what I didn’t like about the film in the first place. But nonetheless the themes are there, and that means it’s the rare big-budget special effects movie where the script is better than the direction. Yes, nothing in the movie was really 100% nailed, probably because it was rushed to meet an arbitrary release date even after its first director bailed at the last minute, but I guess I tend to rate movies more based on what I got out of them than what was put into them. It’s like a drunk who makes a good point, even if he slurs his words and doesn’t know what he’s saying half the time.

  6. All right, that sounds reasonable. I will concede that a lot of my frustration comes from knowing that if Fox hadn’t been such cunts we could have gotten Singer back, and he WOULD have made those themes and moments sing. Superman Returns was weak on story and action, but the big emotional moments were nailed.

  7. 100% agree on Superman Returns. The story is non-existent, but I defy anyone not to get a little misty when they show Ma Kent outside the hospital, having to share her grief with the whole world in silence. Besides, how refreshing was it to have a hero who wasn’t tortured or gritty or angsty (okay, maybe he was a little angsty, but how would you feel if your baby mama was raising your child with another dude? All things considered, I think he took it pretty well) but was just decent and true. He’s the anti-anti-hero.

  8. Going along with themes of persecution and being an outsider, I’ll go ahead and admit I’ve always thought X3 was the best of the original trilogy. Maybe because I never liked X2 like everyone else in the world, maybe because I never read the Dark Phoenix saga, maybe because I actually think most of Brett Ratner’s movies are pretty decent even though he seems like a giant douchebag in real life. (I think we all have to admit Michael Bay could never make a movie half as good as X3, though.)

    So when I rewatched it again, I was afraid I might not like it so much. I used to love Superman III but last time I saw it, it was a boring chore to sit through. Last time I saw Blade III, Ryan Reynolds finally stopped being funny and I now understood what everyone was saying about it being kind of terrible. But I’m happy to say I liked X3 about as much, possibly even better than the first time.

    The story is fast-moving and well-paced, there’s never a dull moment in this entire movie. Some may say it’s too fast-moving but they got most of the character development and relationship stuff set up in the first two movies, so this one has the luxury of being able to streamline it’s story. (Besides, despite the fast pace they still finally gave Storm somewhat of a character this time, and set up a cool new character in Beast). The action sequences are great – that fight in Jean Grey’s house is better shot and choreographed than most fights these days, and I love the chaos of the end battle. The score sounds like Lawrence of Arabia, but it gets the emotions going and that’s what it’s supposed to do. The dialogue is broad but I love all of it. Magneto’s line about the tattoo is still my favorite line in the series.

    I understand people not liking what happens in it (I don’t, however, understand complaints about it being an incoherent or incompetently made film), but as a non-comic reader I wasn’t offended but found it ballsy that they would kill off/de-power so many characters, and effectively give closure to the characters instead of keeping the money train going (it’s part of the reason why I love H20 so much). If I grew up a huge Rogue fan, I’d probably be pissed off too about the end, but I also think 99% of us would do the same thing if we had her power.

    **Brendan – it’s hard to spot, but when Beast and Wolverine look at each other before taking the cure needles to stab Magneto, my girlfriend (and probably most people) took it as a simple “hey, you thinking what I’m thinking? Let’s stab him!” bit, which I originally thought too. But watching it again, I think their look at each other is dragged out so long because they realize what they’re about to do is crossing a line they never expected to cross. You can actually see after Beast stabs Magneto he has a sad look on his face and throws the needles down in disgust. I do have to agree that Magento’s “what have i done??” line re: Jean Grey makes no sense in the context of the movie and seems put in because that’s what characters in other movies would say.

  9. I read the Dark Phoenix Saga numerous times in my lifetime but that’s not why I liked X2. I liked X2 cause it was the only movie in this franchise that did not bore me to tears. It was the most well balanced of the 3 I saw (the first 3 movies) and had the best character moments and setpieces.

    Sure the attack on X mansion may not be as much of a spectacle as the Golden Gate bridge sequence in this one on a technical level but I’ll tell you one thing it was a lot more engaging and suspenseful and unlike Ratner’s action never ever bored me. It was also a million times more involving and emotional than that lame ass Statue of Liberty sequence from X-MEN.

  10. I’ll save my thoughts for DOFP as a movie whenever Vern reviews it. But let me say this: I kinda find it intriguing as a new sort of reboot in Hollywood.

    Spider-Man or Batman or whenever a bomb happens and the reset button is pressed, the stories start over again and/or just ignore what happened before. But DOFP? It doesn’t ignore X3 or the first Wolverine movie. No what DOFP does is basically try to pull off what DC and Marvel have done in the past with their comics, an epic storyline involving time travel or parallel worlds or whatever convenient plot device that serves to streamline the universe and craft a new status quo. Or basically go salad bar, keep the shit you want and leave the rest.

    DC in the 80s famously did that with “Crisis on Infinite Earths”, which was meant to get rid of the dozens of parallel Earths that had been a staple of DC comics since what the 1950s?* During that story we had major creative turns like Barry Allen and Supergirl getting killed off. Many years back Marvel was ridiculed for their “Brand New Day” storyline which erased Spider-Man’s marriage to Mary Jane Watson so that he go back to being solo Spidey or something.

    So yeah I find DOFP fascinating in that regard.

    *=I never understood why though. Alot of those worlds, as insane as they were, are good fun. For example that opposite universe where the heroes are villains, villains are the heroes? Or that President John Wilkes Booth was assassinated by actor Abraham Lincoln.

  11. I got free tickets to DOFP and came out pleasantly surprised since I haven’t liked a movie in this franchise for 11 years now. It pretty much single handedly saved this franchise from oblivion. For the first time in 14 years I am excited of the future potential of this series. The one great case of untapped potential that I always felt hurt this franchise could finally be tapped into. Like you RRA I’ll get into this way more when Vern finally reviews it but as someone who has wanted an X reboot for years now I’m glad it basically rebooted within the current movie series like JJ TREK.

  12. RRA – I agree about the multiverse. It’s why I always loved the Elseworlds books. Thankfully DC realized their mistake after Infinite Crisis and brought back the multiverse concept and it hasn’t left since. Even when they rebooted 3 years ago, there is still a multiverse. Matter of fact my most anticipated comic books series this year is hands down Grant Morrison’s THE MULTIVERSITY where we will get to see some of these worlds and more explored in detail.

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