Archive for the ‘Seagal’ Category
Friday, February 25th, 2011
It has been brought to my attention that a hand-painted AGAINST THE DARK poster from Ghana is for sale on the ebay for $250.75. That may seem like alot, but please keep in mind that it’s 15% off of the regular price. And it’s not like it’s $251. It’s a quarter cheaper than that. Not bad.
Nah, I’m just fuckin with you, actually it is a reasonable price for an artifact like this. If you’re not familiar with the Ghana approach to movie posters, they are literally one-of-a-kind original paintings, usually done on cut open flour sacks, that hang outside of the little shacks where the movies (I believe on DVD now) are shown on a TV screen. I have a really good book about it called Extreme Canvas: Movie Poster Paintings from Ghana
, but I think that one’s hard to find now. There’s another one that’s supposed to be good called Ghanavision
. I enjoy these posters because of their crude look and occasional extreme disregard for movie accuracy. Also I like when they obviously didn’t have much reference material, so they’ll put Arnold Schwarzenegger in his RAW DEAL undershirt for T2 or something. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: movie posters
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog), Seagal | 33 Comments »
Monday, February 21st, 2011
I don’t know how I missed this one, because it’s a good one. Entertainments Weekly reported several days ago that A&E has unexpectedly picked up STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN for season 3… but it’s a total reboot. After being chased out of Jefferson Parish by false allegations Chief Seagal has been transferred to Phoenix, Arizona. This is not so much a Seagal type plot but it’s a common cop movie trope, the fish-out-of-water like NYPD’s John McClane or Detroit’s Axel Foley navigating the douchey Californian terrain. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Seagalogy
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog), Seagal | 26 Comments »
Monday, January 10th, 2011
In BORN TO RAISE HELL Steven Seagal plays a commanding officer in the International Drug Task Force, a cooperative agency set up after 9-11 because like those ads say the drugs fund the terrorists. This is also a handy way for Seagal to use what he’s been learning as a deputy sheriff in New Orleans in a movie but then film it in Eastern Europe. His character’s partner was killed six months ago (no need for a flashback, they just tell us this) so I guess he’s out for justice or something. It’s not real clear.
While BORN TO RAISE HELL lacks the toughness and entertainment value of URBAN JUSTICE and PISTOL WHIPPED, it’s a little more memorable than most of the recent Seagal pictures, because he seems to care a little more. Admittedly there are some awkward voiceovers (I’m torn on whether it’s dubbed by a double or if it’s his own voice sped up to sound ridiculous), some of the dreaded avid farts and a scene where they use 6 cuts just showing a dude walking 10 feet from his car to talk to a guy. On the other hand Seagal is the sole credited writer and the movie definitely incorporates his recent hobby of taking part in drug raids and some of his beloved themes of brotherhood and redemption and what not.
(read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Darren Shahlavi, Lauro Chartrand, Steven Seagal
Posted in Action, Reviews, Seagal | 51 Comments »
Saturday, December 11th, 2010
Next week, if all goes as planned, I will be doing an in-depth analytical study that will completely reinvent film criticism forever as well as change the definition of what it means to be an American, a human, or a spiritual being. In my opinion. Obviously I’m toning that down a little so that your expectations are not too high, but it should be pretty good.
In the near future I also hope to review BORN TO RAISE HELL, the new Seagal movie that’s available in Region 2. But before I do either of those things I think it’s important to fulfill previous obligations, so I will be reviewing the last four episodes of season 2 (and the series?) of STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN. At the end of those I will introduce a new still-evolving theory about the current state of Seagalogy. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Seagalogy, Steven Seagal
Posted in Crime, Documentary, Reviews, Seagal | 6 Comments »
Friday, November 26th, 2010
http://youtu.be/9c60bcgBGyw
This is probly the funniest commercial Seagal has done (beating out the Orange telephone thing with the golf cart chase and the Mountain Dew one where he accidentally beats up a convenience store robber Mr. Magoo style). It fits into a modern commercial cliche of the Exaggeratedly Awesome Guy Who Likes This Product (other examples: Bruce Campbell for Old Spice, the more recent Michael Jai White-ish Old Spice uberman, the rich Russian guy with the baby giraffe who drinks some product or other, the “most interesting man in the world” who says “I don’t normally drink beer, but when I do I drink” whatever it is). But it also has a little Seagalogy in there because of his reputation for having an entourage of hot women and his love of Asian things (the bridge in the background, the dress on the girl to the left tending his zen garden). I actually wouldn’t be surprised if that was filmed in his actual backyard.
thanks to Chris A., Geoff C. and Mitchell H. for sending this, and stay tuned for upcoming overdue Seagalogical reports involving the last four episodes of LAWMAN and his new one BORN TO RAISE HELL (out in the U.K. but not U.S.).
Tags: Seagalogy
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog), Seagal | 14 Comments »
Wednesday, October 20th, 2010
Episode 2.3: “Crossfire”
As the episode opens Seagal explains that one of their duties is to protect the public from “bad guys” who drink and get rowdy. Once again the Seagal Squad report to the scene of a truck shot full of holes, this time owned by white people for once. Around the corner there’s another vehicle shot up, this one with two people inside, but they say they didn’t see anything. Seagal gently narrates that they have a “street code” that prevents them from telling the cops anything. There’s also a long shot of a stop sign, possibly a reference to the street code and smoke shop t-shirt phenomenon known as “stop snitching.”
(read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Seagalogy
Posted in Crime, Documentary, Reviews, Seagal | 14 Comments »
Tuesday, October 19th, 2010
Episode 2.1 “They Drive By Night”
The second season of LAWMAN opens with a kick to the balls – not literally, unfortunately, but still a surprisingly eventful opening. Seagal and his partners have responded to a call for an erratic driver going around with his lights off, hitting mailboxes. They catch up with the car and see it going the wrong way in traffic. You can hear officers yelling “No!” sounding seriously distressed. Many of these episodes have Seagal just showing up to the scene where other officers already have things under control, but here the camera captures a head-on collision over Seagal’s shoulder. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Seagalogy
Posted in Crime, Documentary, Reviews, Seagal | 11 Comments »
Tuesday, October 12th, 2010
When the first season of LAWMAN wrapped up I must’ve been busy with something real important, like the birth of a child or the construction of a bridge. I don’t remember anything like that going on, but it had to’ve been something big to prevent me from writing a review of the season finale.
After some legal delays and what not the show resumed last Wednesday with 2 new episodes, and 2 more tomorrow, so I figured I better play catch up. I dug up the extensive notes I wrote for that last first season episode, watched it again on DVD, and now I will present to you my findings. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Seagalogy
Posted in Crime, Documentary, Reviews, Seagal | 6 Comments »
Sunday, September 5th, 2010
MACHETE is the story of Machete, a man with alot of machetes. That is why he is named Machete. Danny Trejo (MARKED FOR DEATH, URBAN JUSTICE) stars alongside Steven Seagal, Robert DeNiro, etc.
You know what, I just remembered that you guys already know what MACHETE is. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Cheech Marin, Danny Trejo, Don Johnson, fake trailer adaptations, Jeff Fahey, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert DeNiro, Robert Rodriguez, Seagalogy, Shea Whigham
Posted in Action, Reviews, Seagal | 156 Comments »
Saturday, May 22nd, 2010
For the second time in a week I was reading the news and the current headlines reminded me of something Seagal put in a movie years ago. So just in case this becomes a regular occurrence I decided to call this topic Seagal Predicts.
This one comes from that guy Rand Paul, son of Ron Paul (BRUNO) and winner of the Kentucky Republican Senate primary on Tuesday. Now that he’s in a senate race he’s having to live down all the outside-of-the-mainstream opinions he’s mouthed off about in the past, which it turns out is gonna be a hefty task because he’s a regular guest on the Alex Jones radio show. (read the rest of this shit…)
Tags: Seagal Predicts
Posted in Blog Post (short for weblog), Seagal | 9 Comments »
