"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Posts Tagged ‘Sarah Gadon’

Cosmopolis / Maps To the Stars

Friday, April 11th, 2025

Watching MICKEY 17 reminded me that I should create more peace with Canada by finally watching those two movies Robert Pattinson did with David Cronenberg. Since Pattinson is Batman he counts as American now, and these fine Canadian films set in the U.S. have become a beautiful bridge of brotherhood between warring nations. Furthermore, it just so happened that they were the only Cronenberg movies I hadn’t seen. Now that I have seen his full filmography I am complete, and I cannot be stopped. LONG LIVE THE NEW REVIEWS!

COSMOPOLIS (2012) is one of those movies that gets enough exactly right about modern Capitalism ’n Shit that it seems kinda prophetic right now, but also, I’m pretty sure, plenty of other times. It depicts the world of a damaged 1%er freak whose alleged genius is only in relation to the arcane manipulation of international currencies. The way his work is discussed I’m not sure if it’s math or sorcery. As far as I can tell he contributes nothing to the world while taking everything and believing he doesn’t get enough. (read the rest of this shit…)

Antiviral

Monday, February 3rd, 2025

There’s a point in Brandon Cronenberg’s first movie ANTIVIRAL (2012) where a TV interviewer asks a CEO if our fascination with celebrities has become unhealthy. Generally I hate when a dystopian satire has to have characters point out that it’s a dystopia (see ROBOCOP 3), but I understand why Cronenberg couldn’t resist – in his world fans are paying to be infected with celebrity illnesses. Their obsession is literally unhealthy!

Syd March (Caleb Landry Jones, THE DEAD DON’T DIE) is a creepy man-bunned sales associate for the Lucas Clinic, industry leader in celebrity pathogens due to their exclusive line with Hannah Geist (Sarah Gadon, DRACULA UNTOLD, FERRARI). One of Syd’s colleagues, Derek (Reid Morgan, CASINO JACK) gets samples directly from Geist, and the lab alters it to be non-contagious. Copy protection. Then Syd sits down with clients and lustily describes how something that touched their idol’s lungs will touch theirs, an ultimate form of intimacy. 
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Dracula Untold

Monday, January 27th, 2025

If DRACULA UNTOLD isn’t forgotten, then it’s kind of notorious. From what I remembered it was the start of the Dark Universe, the planned shared universe of action-oriented Universal Monster reboots. The public scoffed at that whole idea, then everybody (besides me) hated THE MUMMY and the whole thing got scrapped and became a punchline.

But it wasn’t originally intended to be part of that anyway. The script had been around for a while. I remember reading about it years earlier when it was gonna be an Alex Proyas movie called DRACULA: YEAR ZERO. Sam Worthington was to star. It wasn’t about starting anything, it was about prequelizing Dracula as a thrilling 21st century fantasy adventure character – to give the iconic cape-wearer a heroic backstory, or at least good intentions and motives. Basically it asks what if before he was the Count we all know, he was what I call a Fantasy Sword Dude: the pretty cool, unevenly charismatic hero of a digital era studio b-movie. (read the rest of this shit…)

Ferrari

Wednesday, January 17th, 2024

My favorite Michael Mann Mode (MMM) is crime movie mode. Or guy chasing another guy mode. Moody guy looking out a window talking to another guy across the city mode. The mode you can feel coming in the air tonight, oh lord.

FERRARI is obviously not that mode. It’s biopic mode, I’ve got a 496-page biography to recommend to you mode, I’ve been obsessed with this guy for years and hopefully I can articulate some of the reasons why plus some side info about car engines and racing teams mode, Ferrari started manufacturing in 1947 and the events depicted here take place in 1957 but we’ll have some text at the end explaining what happened to everybody later mode. Not my favorite MMM, no, but the nice thing about his modes is that he’s good at all of them. (read the rest of this shit…)