"CATCH YOU FUCKERS AT A BAD TIME?"

Archive for the ‘Crime’ Category

Romeo Must Die

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2000

This is the latest Jet Li picture, his last in the US was 1999 Outlaw Award Winner for Best Picture – Karate Black Mask. That was weird type of comic book story where there is karate, masks, lasers and all that sort of garbage, which is why it is good. Jet Li is an amazing type of action star as far as the kicks, the punches and etc. Legend has it that he is so fast they have to ask him to slow down so the camera can pick him up properly. In fact this guy is faster than Superman in my opinion, and he can also fly although only with the help of cables that are removed using high tech electronic computers that they have today. But the real thing about Jet Li is that he is a very charismistic and good looking dude, maybe a little feminine but in a “I’m gonna kick your ass and the girls will still think I’m sensitive, sucker” type of way.

What’s historic about this one is that it’s the first picture ever made in English with Jet Li as the star. The only English language picture he’s done in the past is I believe Beverly Hills Cop 4 or one of those type of movies, where he played the bad guy in a couple scenes and then the good guys make fun of him for being chinese. But he was so much more popular in that movie than the movie itself that now he is being groomed to join the pantheon with Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Rudy Ray Moore and other martial arts superstars who have made it big in the states. And what better to story give this motherfucker than one by the bard of writing, Mr. William Shakespeare himself, the genius behind Titus and other hits.

Well, that’s what they WANTED us to think. I’ve been reading about this piece for a long time and every single time they call it an update of Romeo and Juliet. I knew they wouldn’t talk like Shakespeare, and obviously there is gonna be some liberties as well as possibly some karate. But I thought it was gonna be a serious, modern karate type of picture which coincidentally happens to be about the warring capulets and whatsits and how Romeo and Juliet meet and fall passionately in love and then the shit hits the fan if you know what I mean, as far as a bunch of karate scenes happen and what not. Of course that would be totally ludicrous. I think it would be very enjoyable. (read the rest of this shit…)

Roger Ebert & Martin Scorsese 10 best of the decade list

Monday, March 6th, 2000

Last week, in various syndicated tv markets, movie buffs and list collectors alike thrilled to the announcement of two new movie lists on the tv show Roger Ebert & the Movies. And first of all I gotta say, what is up with this “and the movies.” I mean what kind of a name is that, it sounds weird. Second of all, I gotta say what the lists were. Roger and his guest Martin Scorsese gave their lists of the ten best movies of the 1990s.

Now these were some pretty fuckin good lists I’m sure, I never even heard of most of these pictures but what the hell I mean I’m sure these motherfuckers know what they’re talkin about as much as the next guy. They got Fargo on there, I haven’t seen that one yet but I got about six people writing to me trying to get me to see it so it is next on my list. (read the rest of this shit…)