REMEMBER SEPTEMBER 11TH. NEVER FORGET.

Yeah, I forgot about september 11th for like, 22 minutes there. Good thing every tv station, magazine and newspaper was there to catch me.

I on the other hand am confident that you all remember what happened that morning a year ago, and where you were when you found out, and what your first thought was. And you remember watching all that TV and reading all those articles and trying to decipher what exactly happened and what it all meant. And all the people full of hot air, including me, tried to take it all and boil it all down into words and concepts. Why do they hate us? What now? blah blah fucking blah.

Now it’s a year later and you see it kind of differently. For those of us lucky enough to avoid losing anyone close, the pain starts to fade. We’ve gotten desensitized to it. We can sit back and see how wrong people were about certain things. Like, of course, “irony is dead.” Some people just really hate irony, it turns out, and they tried to use September 11th as a good cutoff point. But then John Ashcroft put a drape over the blind justice statue and irony was hotter than ever. (read the rest of this shit…)

PART 1: THE STRANGE CASE OF THE WHITE EXECUTIVE JET

Well we had our fun last column with “Jason vs. Predator” and etc. but this time, before we get to the nerdy shit, we gotta talk about Iraq. And before we even get to that I gotta bring up something I bet most of you haven’t even heard about: the mysterious “white executive jet” that the press casually connected yesterday to Flight 93, the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania. I don’t know the significance of this jet but I think it’s a good example of the big pile of lies we americans keep getting buried under, without much complaint.

It all begins with an article in Newsday and other sources about “Moussaoui Jury to Get Sept. 11 ‘Replay’ – Videos, airliner cockpit recordings to be offered.” The story is basically a press release rewrite about prosecutors’ plans for the trial of Zacarias Moussaoui, the nutball who they want to execute in connection with the hijackings even though he was in jail at the time. (read the rest of this shit…)

As a special favor to all individuals who have been so faithful to my sight and my works, I’m gonna do a special NON-BUMMER edition of VERN TELL’S IT LIKE IT IS, where I talk almost entirely about movies. Not about politics. That is not to say that I will stop complaining about the Bush Regime. Or even cut down on it. Because you can’t just ignore that shit. But today I’m gonna.

EXCEPT to promise you that the fuckers will attack Iraq before November, I’m guessin within the next month or so. And then it could get ugly. Nobody in their right mind, and almost nobody who isn’t an on-air personality for the Fox News Network, thinks this is even a halfway reasonable idea. But if there is a massive uprising of dissent, which there should be, the mechanisms are already in place for a disaster. Pay close attention to what they’re saying about “we don’t want to change the posse-commitatus act, no, all we’re saying is that we are going to LOOK INTO changing it, but we really don’t want to, I mean we definitely won’t even consider doing it, we’re just gonna LOOK at it. But not do it. Necessarily. Don’t worry.” Kent State will seem like a birthday party after this. And then people will finally understand what the Bush Regime is. But it might be too late.

Okay! And that’s all I will say this time! It’s Happy Time! (read the rest of this shit…)

Well I’ve been holding off on doing a VERN TELL’S IT LIKE IT IS because I want to put together the Post-September-11th-Politcal-Rant to end all Post-September-11th-Political-Rants so I can move forward a little bit. But today I saw a headline that I could not let stand without comment:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/washdc/2002/07/10/iraq-invasion.htm

I mean, that’s the most insane thing I’ve read since the one about how the CIA weren’t allowed to assassinate but they’re authorized to kill Saddam Hussein if it’s in self defense (We had no choice! We just happened to fall through the skylight into his palace and he pulled a pistol on us!)

The print version of this new one is even more ridiculous because it has a sub–header or whatever you call it. Something like, “Planners raise bar for Iraqi invasion – provocation would be needed to justify war, say experts.” (read the rest of this shit…)

Man I can’t believe this shit. I was too slow to see it coming. When FBI people right and left were coming forward to admit they blew it in regards to this whole September 11th deal, who woulda thought they would use it to their own advantage? Yeah, we knew alot of things, we didn’t do shit, 3,000 people died. The only way we can prevent this from happening again is if we get rid of all those stupid “don’t spy on your own people” and “probable cause” rules.

If you step back and take a look at it, you see that there is no logic in this. They had information that they refused to act on (whether out of incompetence, laziness, or pressure not to screw up the pipeline negotiations with the Taliban – take your pick) – so the way to fix this problem is to get more information to not act on? It makes about as much sense as the sport “rollerball” in the movie Rollerball (2002). (read the rest of this shit…)

Hey, remember when I was a paranoid conspiracy nut? And I was saying this ridiculous stuff about Bush knowing about 9-11™ in advance? Not even a year later now and even the mainstream press admits… whoops, if I wasn’t right, at least I was closer than they were.

At the beginning of the Enron scandal the Bush regime said they’d had only a half dozen meetings with Enron. Now that they need to distract us from this one they’re saying at least 60. And who knows how toned down that figure is.

If we can expect the same pattern in the “whoops, we were totally lying when we said 9-11™ was out of the blue” scandal then it’s hard to imagine the horrors they will be confessing to in the coming months. (read the rest of this shit…)

As a special favor to the world, I’ll try to make this column a little bit less of a bummer. That means I won’t get to the part about the government setting children on fire until LATER in the column. First we’re gonna talk about Star Trek, Spiderman and crap like that. And I’m gonna throw in a little photojournalism.

The famous summer movie season is almost upon us. Unfortunately there’s not much to look forward to here and virtually nothin in the Badass category. I think the only action movie I’m planning to see is XXX starring Vin Diesel. No, this is not pornography, although I have a growing collection of that thanks to dedicated reader Jeremiah who continues to send me free movie screeners and pornography dvds. If anyone else would like to join in this important cause drop me a line. (read the rest of this shit…)

A lot of individuals may be wondering what is wrong with Vern. Why does he say these things. “I’m wondering what he thinks of the french art porn movie BAISE MOI. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m in the mood for a dissertation on the USA Patriot Act and how it has legalized secret police searches of my house in the name of protecting my freedom.” “You know, maybe I do care what some ex-con has to say about LORD OF THE RINGS, that doesn’t mean I want to hear more complaining about Bush and congress giving years worth of taxes back to the big corporations and saying it’s because of terrorism.” (read the rest of this shit…)