Okay, so I’m sure you’re used to my little hiatuses by now, but I gotta say I’m sorry for this one. What, was I fucking hibernating? Actually it was a variety of mishaps and whatnot which kept me offline which in turn stopped me from writing reviews and even got my hotmail account shut down for a while. So if I missed anyone’s e-mails I apologize.

So what all has happened since last time? I didn’t see MYSTIC RIVER until the other day so I didn’t review that yet. I did bash the Texas Chain Saw remake’s head in over on the Ain’t It Cool News. I think Cuba Gooding junior came out with a new retard movie, or was it gay jokes this time? I never saw it. ELF was kinda cute, Tupac came out with a new one – when is that guy gonna start directing? – BAD SANTA was pretty funny, and I liked the cartoon about the singing triplets. Seagal did a new one with Ching-Siu Tung, next up is Ringo Lam. (read the rest of this shit…)

Hey folks. I haven’t written since the war began. I spent the first week protesting and the weeks since banging my head against a wall hoping if I do it hard enough my country will come back. I mean can you fucking believe that shit on the USS Abraham Lincoln? Bush, renowned draft dodger and AWOL weekend warrior, dresses up like a soldier and lands in a fucking jet so he’ll seem like “one of them” on TV. It was just like that celebrity stunt show where Vanilla Ice jumped a motorcycle, except this one is being paid for by our tax dollars. They said Bush had to go in a military jet because the carrier was too far at sea for a helicopter. But the next day they admitted that actually the helicopter would’ve worked better, and that they had had to slow down the ship and change its course to get a camera angle where you only saw water in the background, not the nearby San Diego coastline. The carrier had already been emptied of fighter jets but the White House requested they keep one of them there so it could be in the background during the speech. I know all presidents are phoneys but has there ever been one more phoney? The only thing that could’ve made the whole thing worthwhile would be if that famous Washington DC statue of Abraham Lincoln had come to life Dai Majin style, risen out of the water and started banging Bush over the head with his chair. (read the rest of this shit…)

Attention all Americans. Our will is strong. We will not waiver. We will not back down. We will not give in to the temptations of overwhelming world opinion, common sense, etc.

Should the President decide to invade Iraq as planned, it shows the tremendous courage of a leader in the mold of FDR, Winston Churchill, or Morpheus from The Matrix. As the administration and the CIA have conceded, invading Iraq will greatly increase the likelihood of terrorism in America, but they feel that the risk of non-invasion is greater.

As the administration and Bush himself have also conceded, the new budget, which he signed into law, does not give enough money to “first responders” and other defenses against terrorism. Meanwhile, the governors of many states complain that they have not even been given the security money they were promised in 2001 and 2002. (read the rest of this shit…)

There’s alot of topics I want to cover here so I might be kind of random. First of all: FUCK COLIN POWELL. I’ve been through this argument a million times and I wish everybody else was right. But now I have given up on that possibility.

Oh but Vern, I like Colin Powell. He’s a good guy. He’s real liberal for a conservative. No really he’s very intelligent and wise. His war experience has made him more careful than the nuts he works for. He’s the dove hiding among the hawks trying to convince them to keep their fuckin pants on. I know he was part of the Gulf War and he said that thing about not being terribly interested in the number of civilians killed. And he gave a press conference trying to cover up the Mai Lai massacre. But really Vern seriously man this dude is great.

Yeah, you still feel that way people? Now that he’s done a complete 180 from “we really shouldn’t be doing this shit” to going to the UN to BEG them to let us do this shit? Before he thought the war was a bad idea, now he’s so into it he’s grasping at straws, playing the UN fuzzy tapes of two RANDOM DUDES apparently talking about how shocked one of them is that the other one has a weapon he shouldn’t. THAT’S how you know we have to go in and fire twice as many missiles of the entire Gulf War on Baghdad in the first two days… because you have a tape of SOME GUYS talking, somewhere, sometime? (read the rest of this shit…)

I hope everybody had a good Martin Luther King Day. I don’t know what people usually do to celebrate the holiday. There are not really many traditions that I know of. I’m sure Trent Lott hangs out with his black business man friends, now that he has decided to start believing in the holiday. They are probaly working on their strategy to stop Bush’s attack on affirmative action, which he believes in. Have a good one Trent. Remember, less than a year until Kwanzaa.

I really want MLK Day to be a joyous celebration because this is one holiday I really do believe in, and I have not been involved in any neo-confederate controversies so you know I really mean that. I want it to be “a holiday where peace is celebrated all throughout the world” as Mr. Steveland Morris once sang. Unfortunately its a pretty fucked up holiday when you think about it because King dedicated much of his life, and especially those last three years, to helping end poverty. But then places stay open on Martin Luther King Day and who is it working? It’s the working class people, the minimum wage people, the retail people. And they probaly have to work harder than usual because they have all the rich people who get the day off coming in to buy shit. It would be nice to see the holiday practice a little more what the man preached. (read the rest of this shit…)

Well friends I haven’t written much lately. Sorry about that. Between my computer dying again and my morbid fascination with Trent Lott apology speeches I haven’t had much time for anything. Admittedly I’ve had my own Brian DePalma fest here since I saw the great FEMME FATALE but I don’t feel like I have much to say about those pictures other than OBSESSION, SISTERS, DRESSED TO KILL and BLOW OUT are all pretty good.

I hope you’ll understand. I would update this fucker every day if I could, but only if I thought I could do a good job. I’d rather let this thing collect dust than get in a routine of adding garbage that’s not very inspired. Which some would argue is what I do anyway, but fuck them.

I did get started on a column called “THINGS THAT KINDA BOTHER ME,” and thankfully one of those things has now been somewhat rectified: that Bush appointed Henry fucking Kissinger as head of the “independent” 9-11 commission. (read the rest of this shit…)

In case you haven’t heard, the House and Senate both voted today to pass the resolution to let Bush go to war with Iraq if it’s, uh, necessary. All he has to do now is officially start the war, and then work it into his schedule to mention it to congress within 48 hours after that. “Oh, by the way, uh, remember those diplomatic measures? Dick figured we exhausted them so, uh, we started a war. I almost forgot to tell you!”

Finally, our representatives can get to the important work of collecting bribes instead of wasting their time with all that ‘declaring war’ bullshit the founding fathers saddled them with when they wrote that pain in the ass we call the Constitution.

The Constitution was getting old anyway.

If you think they’re still planning to use war as a last option, you are naive or insane. You wouldn’t be the only one – these congress people voted ‘YES, LET’S ATTACK’ just days after the head of the CIA admitted that we are only really at risk from Hussein IF we attack him.

If somebody asks you to hand them your gun, you don’t give it to them, even if they swear they won’t use it. And you don’t tell the president yeah, it’s okay for you to have the power to declare war yourself, if you promise that you will take us into consideration. Even though we didn’t take the people who voted us into office into consideration. (read the rest of this shit…)

Well I told everybody you should go to one of these notinourname anti-war rallies this weekend, but you probaly thought I was just blowing smoke signals up your ass or whatever the saying is in Oklahoma and Texas. So just to show you that ol’ Vern is a man of his convictions, here is the photographical type evidence that I went to the main one they had here in Seattle. The big news here is that this rally was alot of fun and I am going to show all you motherfuckers why you are required to go to and/or organize some more of these.

I am only a novice photojournalist, so my pictures don’t really do it justice, but let’s get to the visuals here people.

This was my best try at capturing the scope of this thing. I mean this was alot of fuckin people. You listen to these people on tv, they explain to you that the only people against this war really are a handful of fringe Democrats and “peaceniks.” Maybe occasionally they’ll mention that UN arms inspectors, hardline republican maniacs from the first Bush administration, Pat Buchanan, pretty much every other country in the world, and even fugitive war criminal Henry Kissinger think this war is a bad, bad idea. But the average americans, according to their polls, most of them are all for it. (read the rest of this shit…)