What this is, man, is this is where I keep all the old VERN TELL'S IT LIKE IT IS columns. In case some motherfucker wants to still read them or whatever. So now that I got this you guys BETTER fucking tell other people to check out my sight. It is more accessible now in my opinion. #1 - My First Column
#4 - Vern's Spooky Ass Halloween (10/29/99)
#5 - a sort of block that prevents me from having something good to Write about (11/3/99)
#6 - Princess Mononoke (11/8/99)
#7 - Vern vs. that punk ass weasel motherfucker Jailhouse Jim (11/15/99)
#9 - Toy Story 2
#10 - The Comedy of Jokes 12/6/99)
#11 - My New Discovery (12/13/99)
#12 - You're a good motherfucker Charles Shultz (12/20/99)
#13 - Kaufman 2000 (12/27/99)
#14 - VERN2K (1/3/00)
#15 - Sean vs. jealousy (1/10/00)
#16 - Motherfucker in the Mainstream?
#17 - And the winner is... Bruce Campbell
#18 - (Cool Girl)
#19 - Vern on Ice
#20 - Just plain pathetic
#21 - Vern vs. the critical establishment
#21b - The Society for Critics of the Online Film Critics Society
(note: One thing I am not is a rocket scientist. Sometimes I do stupid shit like have two columns in a row numbered 21. No sweat off your balls man just go with it, jesus.)
#22 - (Roger Ebert & Martin Scorsese 10 best of the decade list)
#23 - (Three Strikes)
#24 - (pre-Oscar thoughts)
#25 - Oscar Sez
#26 - (Ghost Dog - Way of the Samurai)
#27 - (Badasses of world Cinema)
#27b - American Psychos
#28 - The Vern has risen
#29 - (Jockey Slut and Slam)
#30 - (Gladiator)
#31 - I have seen the future of Badass pictures
#32 - (elbow grease)
#33 - (the two Ps)
#34 - 11 movies I saw about Dracula
#35 - Vern's summer preview
#36 - THE FREE VACATION part one - an excerpt from my memoirs
#37 - (Fourth of July / I Am Legend)
#38 - Introducing the World Badass Committee
#39 - The Return of Clint
#40 - (Trekkies)
#41 - Best fuckin movie EVER?
#42 - (Hollow Man)
#43 - (Ghost Dog and Titus on DVD)
#44 - The Iceberg is mine, motherfuckers
#45 - God damn it stop talking about Survivor
#46 - (Labor Day - interview with the porn man)
#47 - Badass Movie Ballot
#48 - Almost Famous (revenge of the Ain't It Cool Newsies)
#49 - Man stuff
#50 - (Hammer's Karnstein trilogy)
#51 - (Meet the Parents)
#52 - Divided (Dancer in the Dark and Bamboozled)
#53 - Burn the Witch (Blair Witch Part II)
#54 - Bitch Session (Requiem For a Dream, Charlie's Angels)
#55 - Coin Toss 2000
#56 - The Return of the Vern (Steal This Movie! and revisiting Hitman Hart: Wrestling With Shadows)
#57 - A low down dirty fucking god damn shame in a pile of filth and evil (texas oil shiek elected president, 25 year old baseball hitter paid ten billion dollars for doing jack shit) (December 14th, 2000)
#58 - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (December 21st, 2001)
(unnumbered) - (Vern returns after long hiatus, starts yelling some weird shit about John Woo doing ninja turtles movies) (June 27, 2001)
September 18, 2001 - Vern's thoughts one week after terrorist attacks
October 14th, 2001 - VERN'S TOP NINE MOVIES TO WATCH IN THESE UNFORTUNATE TIMES
November 16, 2001 - Military tribunals, Bush would have lost 6 out of 9 recounts, Ethnic profiling, + Amelie, Crying Freeman, Bones & The Wash
December 3, 2001 - Those Delightful French: Seven Deadly Sins, Baise Moi
December 31st, 2001 - Muhammed Ali is #1 (the movie Ali)
March 2002 - (Corruption Fun featuring Tri-State Crematory, hit and run driver, Enron, 9-11 coverup, and our hero Billy Jack)
April 2002 - (Summer movie preview, Enron themed whiskey ads, Waco anniversary)
May 2002 - (Whoops, that's right, we DID know there would be terrorist attacks. Our bad.)
June 7th, 2002 - (FBI takes advantage, To Afghanistan and Back by Ted Rall)
July 11th, 2002 - (The Afghanistan Wedding Massacre, Yoda, Digital Projection, Samurai Jack)
July 23rd, 2002 - (VERSUS: Batman vs. Superman, Alien vs. Predator, Jason vs. Freddy. Plus, a note on Harry Knowles.)
August 11th, 2002 - (The Strange Case of the White Executive Jet, Iraq Attack 2, The Good News, More Bad News Though, The Nerdy Shit - Digital Projection and Video)
September 11th, 2002 - A Year Ago, Some Shit Went Down
September 24th, 2002 - A Good Month For the DVDs of Badass Cinema (dvd reviews of BLADE II, THE MACK, JACKIE BROWN, PULP FICTION and RESERVOIR DOGS)
October 7th, 2002 - (Vern attends an anti-war march - a photojournalistic type adventure)
October 10th, 2002 - Black Thursday (congress approves "kill everybody in Iraq" resolution)
December 17th, 2002 - "Things That Kinda Bother Me" (Henry Kissinger, Total Information Awareness, Computer Voting, Trent Lott)
January 22, 2003 - Happy Martin Luther King Day (the holiday, the peace march, and that new reality show with Emmanuel Lewis)
February 23, 2003 - Fuck Colin Powell, My Plan for the Pope, Return of the old Support the Troops Switcheroo, Keep Fighting
March 13, 2003 - URGENT DISPATCH FROM THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT AND/OR MEDIA
May 4, 2003 - The Wrath of Abe Lincoln
August 31, 2003 - Vern's Amazingly Late Summer Preview
January 13, 2004 - Vern found cowering in spider hole (or, a tearful Vern emerges from the perspex box)
January 28, 2004 - Already I have written dozens of column related program activities (Howard Dean, CNN, David Kay, oscar nominations)
February 28, 2004 - (Gay marriage, Ralph Nader running again, Duck hunting with Dick and Anton, Janet Jackson's booby, THE SURREAL LIFE season 2)
April 11, 2004 - (Richard Clarke, 9-11 Commission, the HUGE FUCKING ELEPHANT in the room)
May 19, 2004 - (Ass pyramids in Abu Ghraib, "blowing off steam," how Bush can save face by following the traditions of feudal Japan)
July 17, 2004 - Whoopi Goldberg: This Month's Janet Jackson
August 31, 2004 - (The Republican National Convention, plus a special bonus column)
September 10, 2004 - I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER THIS, BUT THEY LET A PLANE HIT THE FUCKING PENTAGON / REPUBLICAN CONVENTION WRAPUP / VIETNAM IS BACK / THEY DODGE IT, YOU PAY IT / A LITTLE PEP TALK FROM VERN
October 7, 2004 - (2004 presidential debates)
November 2nd, 2004 - (pathetically optimistic column written just before the axe came down on the supple neck of our democracy)
November 5th, 2004 - ANGRY DISPATCH FROM THE UPPER LEFT CORNER
January 17th, 2005 - MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY
January 25th, 2005 - (2004 Oscar nominations)
February 16, 2005 - LAY OFF CHRISTO, YOU ASSHOLES
February 24th, 2005 - THE DAY I KNEW WHO DEEP THROAT WAS (hint: it was Hunter S. Thompson)
April 17th, 2005 - (VTILII potpourri)
August 11th, 2005 - (Karl Rove leak scandal, steroid scandal, scandalous movie slump, SNAKES ON A PLANE back to its original title after name change scandal, Newport cigarettes mustard ad scandal)
September 1st of 2005 - Memories of the 2005 MTV Video Music Awards haunt me as Hurricane Katrina destroys New Orleans. (It's not as bad as it sounds. I'm pretty proud of this one actually. I should submit it to TV Guide.)
October 30th, 2005 - (Scooter Libby Indictment)
November 19th, 2005 - CLIMBING A LADDER TO THE MOON
December 10th, 2005 - Richard Pryor, Rest in peace
January 1st, 2006 - NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION
February 6th, 2006 - SEATTLE IS #2! (after the Super Bowl)
February 26th, 2006 - (Dick Cheney's shoots a motherfucker in the face with a shotgun, NSA listens to your phone calls)
March 6th, 2006 - HERE IS MY POST-OSCAR COMMENTS
May 27th, 2006 - my review of THE STEVEN SEAGAL BLUES BAND at the Tractor Tavern in Seattle
August 1st, 2006 - Open letter to Mel Gibson after his drunk driving/Jew hating incident
August 13th, 2006 - VERN'S PEACE INITIATIVE (actually, reviews of BAD BOYS 2 and TRANSFOMERS: THE MOVIE [the old cartoon version])
November 3rd, 2006 - TOOL TIME WITH GEORGE BUSH - big long rant about the Military Commissions Act
December 29th, 2006 - 2006 END OF THE YEAR SPECTACULAR (James Brown RIP, best movies of 2006, new year's resolution for '07)
April 21st, 2007 - G'HOUSE AND THE SECRETY OF THE MISSING BEES
April 28th, 2008 - VERN VS. THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY / TURNS OUT OBAMA HATES WHITES AND STUFF?
September 11th, 2008 - 2008 POLITICAL CONVENTIONS
October 14th, 2008 - THE FLURRY IN MISSOURI (Vice-presidential debate)
November 6th, 2008 - YES WE MOTHERFUCKING CAN (election night)