Okay, here’s one minor review to hold you over until I see some real movies. This is a documentary about LORD OF THE RINGS called RINGERS. But it’s no TREKKIES. I know, you never even heard of it and here I’m telling you not to watch it, what is the point of that? I guess it’s like one of those coens the Zen guys got. Does a movie really exist if you never heard of it and don’t watch it. Or is it “Does a movie get reviewed if you never heard of it or watched it?” I don’t know, I never been good at this zen shit. But let’s just wait and see what happens when I get my shipment of Lightning Bolt.

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To answer some of your questions, yes, I am still alive, no, I am not in jail, and yes I have watched the news enough to sense that some sort of ewok dance may be in order some time in the near future. The only reason I haven’t written any reviews lately is because all they got now is these cartoon movies, Wallace and Gromits, Corpse Bride and etc. Nobody wants to see a grown man writing about cartoons. As soon as I see some real life movies I will get back at you. Anyway just a quick heads up, Jess Evans sent me this link to where you can buy Steven Seagal’s energy drink! They got two flavors, Cherry Charge and Asian Experience (there’s also one called Root Beer Rush but this place doesn’t have it). I also found the official web sight which doesn’t have much information yet but is still funny. Anyway, if I start writing about 75 reviews a day in the near future you will know why. Because each component was carefully chosen by Steven Seagal to incorporate the greatest treasures of Asian medicine into an all natural energy boost.

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To my surprise I got for you a review of the new space ship picture called SERENITY.

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Gotta tell you man, I loved Dave Cronenberg’s new one, A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE.

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Trying to catch up on some of the Asian pictures everybody else saw a long time ago. I’m starting with OLDBOY.

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I had high hopes for LORD OF WAR starring Nicolas Cage. They were not met. I also have high hopes for geocities because I finally broke down and started to pay the $4.95 a month for “premium service” or whatever they call it. This got rid of that stupid ad box and supposedly will give me more “data transfer.” So we’ll see if the thing keeps crashing or not. How you could help me out is if you could get one of your sucker friends to buy my book. If just one (1) upstanding citizen buys the book each month this whole caper will almost pay for itself. I won’t mind tossing in the extra 41 cents, I will consider it even. However if nobody ever buys my book again it doesn’t even matter. It’s worth so much more than $4.95 a month to me to share my thoughts with all you ungrateful fucks.

just kidding I love you all for who you are

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ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW is this new “indie” movie they got. “indie” is another word for independent, but with a 50% savings of syllables. Why are you going around wasting your life away saying those 2 extra syllables? Especially when you’re dealing with a 9 syllable movie title you gotta say “indie movie,” not “independent movie.” In fact I’m gonna go with “indie flick.” Or “inflick”. This inflick is called MAYAEWK f.n.o. That stands for “for now on.” No time to elab.

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I got another film related documentary under my belt. This one is TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE, where the legendary cinematographer Haskell Wexler’s son makes a documentary about his dad to try to reconnect with him. It’s actually not that much about movies but about fathers and sons and it’s real good shit if you ask me, which by coming to this web sight you pretty much did. sucker.

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I can’t really recommend reading today’s new VERN TELL’S IT LIKE IT IS column. It will just make you more depressed.

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I’m working on a couple things but for now here’s a review of Wes Craven’s new one, RED EYE. It’s like SNAKES ON A PLANE minus the snakes. Also I reviewed BROTHERS GRIMM last week but forgot to put a link to it.

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