As you all know, I’ve been on Geocities since 1999. Over those almost ten years I’ve been ridiculed, interventioned and etc. by people who didn’t understand why I didn’t move to a grownup type websight with my own domain, like they would have in the 21st century. I always resisted because it made me laugh to see how shocked people were that Geocities still existed and that somebody would purposely still use it, and not be ashamed to put that URL in their highly acclaimed film book. It became kind of a test to see if people could see the substance of what I was writing about or if they would just ignore it because of the unprofessional surface. You all passed the test, good job everybody.

But for several days the Geocities page has been inaccessible, giving an “error 999″ message. I tried to contact them over and over again and got the same useless form letter ten times before a lame threat to leave Geocities finally got a personalized response, which told me that actually it was running fine and I just wasn’t seeing it and should contact my ISP. But I did not have time to also contact the ISPs of the other computers I tried, the numerous people who emailed me about it or the Ain’t It Cool talkbackers I saw wondering if I was dead. I guess we should all scan our computers for spyware too, that could be the problem. Or maybe we should go to the Geocities help center and borrow their computers, theirs are apparently working.

So, fuck it, joke’s over, I will have a dot com now. Thank you to all the people over the years whose generous free hosting offers I turned down, and especially to Chris R. who actually registered the domain for me last summer. His kind act made going into exile a snap.

Anyway glad you found me here and please change links accordingly. Also, as long as I’ve made this change I’ve decided when I have time months from now I’m gonna try switching to a new blog-like interface. I won’t change what I’m doing here much but just make it more searchable and less crappy. So if anybody hates that idea or has any special requests let me know, outlawvern at hotmail dot com.

Today it’s an aquatic soldier showdown: Biehn and Sheen in NAVY SEALS vs. Isaac Florentine’s U.S. SEALS II.

Today in DTV research: word is that THE CURSE II was retitled as a sequel but not originally intended as one. I think that disqualifies it, so the question is back up in the air.

By request from BW (not Bruce Willis as far as I know) I watched a little known James-Remar-vs.-pot-growers picture called QUIET COOL.

DTV research update: the earliest verifiable example so far of a video-premiere sequel to a theatrical movie is CURSE II: THE BITE released June 27, 1989. But there was also a suggestion of DEATHSTALKER II which came out in ‘87, but IMDb doesn’t list release dates and I suspect it probaly played theaters somewhere in the world. If anybody can think of anything earlier or has more information let me know.

You know what else I hadn’t seen in a while that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be? DARKMAN II: THE RETURN OF DURANT. You know what I’d never seen before that I actually liked? DARKMAN III: DIE DARKMAN DIE.

By the way, does anybody happen to know what the first DTV sequel was? I was hoping there would be some article somewhere about the history of DTV, or a list of DTV sequels, but I can’t find anything.

Mickey Rourke may not have won the Oscar, but he did get something even more precious: the honor of inspiring me to finally write a review of DOUBLE TEAM after mentioning it a million times over the years. Congratulations Mickey, you did it.

With all the discussion of the FRIDAY THE 13TH remake I haven’t seen and new DVDs of the first three in the original series, I got to thinking about a project I never finished. Two Halloweens ago I re-watched the entire FRIDAY THE 13TH series and was writing reviews of each one. Unfortunately before I finished I came up with this stupid idea of writing one review that would treat the entire series as one long movie. That was a failure and I think I deleted that file and then abandoned the reviews I had been writing.

So unfortunately I didn’t finish up with part 8 or get to my thoughts on JASON GOES TO HELL, but I figured I should put this unfinished piece up because it does a pretty good job of explaining something that’s been coming up alot lately: why I love those early ones even though they’re not on the level of a HALLOWEEN or a TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. I’ve seen alot of remake reviews saying that it doesn’t matter that it (allegedly) sucks because the originals are no good either. I disagree, so consider this my rebuttal.

Okay, now I got the sequel: ANY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE. (And thanks for the Friday the 13th comments. Word in my inbox is 10 negative to 2 positive. That’s 7% lower than on Rotten Tomatoes.)

Let’s celebrate Friday the 13th not with bad luck, but with fist fights and apes. EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE. (sequel review soon)

By the way, I don’t know if anybody’s waiting for my take on the new FRIDAY THE 13TH but if you are I wanted to let you know I’ll probaly wait until the DVD unless I can get a free pass somehow. I don’t usually feel that bad about supporting this whole wave of remakes, but this particular company and director already made a mockery of my favorite horror movie, and they’ve been very open about their whole strategy: 1. Buy rights to famous movie title 2. Make list of everything that is good about original movie 3. Be absolutely sure not to include any of those things in dumb and joyless but shiny remake 4. Make tons of cash in opening weekend because teens recognize words used in title 5. Use profits to further ruin the world.

I’m not passing judgment on anybody who goes to see it or who likes those movies but I know if I buy a ticket I’ll feel like a mouse consciously stepping onto a trap for a long shot at the cheese. Or a guy buying back his own stereo from the dudes who broke into his apartment. But feel free to email me your (light on spoilers) thoughts if you saw it and think it’s worth discussing.