Archive for the ‘Comic strips/Super heroes’ Category

The Incredible Hulk

Monday, June 16th, 2008

Listen up Hulkamaniacs -

This new Hulk remake/sequel/do-over/all new adventure starts out with an opening credits montage of flashbacks and headlines to explain his Incredible origin. It’s like the opening to a TV show, setting up what you need to know. So I’m gonna do a TV show opening for this review to: I don’t know the comic strips, vaguely remember the TV show, still love the Ang Lee movie no matter what you say, but was open to and kind of excited about the notion of the goofball director of fucking TRANSPORTER 2 taking over to do the flip side of that coin.

But I got a little worried when I read that Edward Norton had rewritten the script. Uh oh. That means he thinks he’s making the serious Hulk movie. Did he not know about the Ang Lee one? I think he did, because I read that he turned it down. I guess he regretted that maybe. It’s true, Louis Letterier is not in TRANSPORTER 2 mode here. He’s more in DANNY THE DOG aka UNLEASHED mode: a movie with elements of crazy action fun, but that is trying really hard to be a serious drama.

And I didn’t see this coming, but it actually has the same weird story problem that UNLEASHED had: what the hero wants is diametrically opposed to what the audience wants. In UNLEASHED Jet Li played a martial arts expert who was raised as a dog by Bob Hoskins (long story). He wore a collar but whenever it came off him he was mentally programmed to go ape shit and beat the holy living fuck out of anybody in his path. (again, long story.) And then the movie is about how he sort of finds a new family and changes his life and learns to not beat the shit out of everybody when the collar comes off. And it’s kind of sweet and Jet Li gets to do way more acting than almost any other movie he’s been in. (more…)

3 people like this post.
Unlike

Tags: , ,
Posted in Action, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews | 5 Comments »

Confessions of a Superhero

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

With all these questions surrounding JUSTICE LEAGUE (will it be delayed by the strike, who will be cast, when will Vern stop telling us about how awesome George Miller is) there is one fact that most of us have missed: a Justice League movie has already been made starring your favorite Justice League heroes Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and of course The Incredible Hulk. There are also guest appearances by lesser heroes like Ghost Rider, Marilyn Monroe and Charlie Chaplin.

This version is called CONFESSIONS OF A SUPERHERO and it comes out on DVD in January. It’s a documentary about those people who dress up as cartoon characters on Hollywood Boulevard, pose for pictures with tourists and then guilt them into giving them tips. We all remember the notorious Spongebob incident. Spongebob was probaly too dangerous and unpredictable for a camera crew to follow, so instead the movie focuses on Superman. You may have seen this guy interviewed on TV before. He looks eerily like Christopher Reeve, but he’s really skinny, like Superman got the space cancer. It’s disturbing to look at. His friend Batman looks alot like George Clooney. Wonder Woman doesn’t look like anybody famous, but she seems like a nice girl. And the Hulk is just a guy in a costume who blacks out on hot days. They’re all aspiring actors, some aspiring harder than others, and at first they seem pretty normal and reasonable. Except Superman.

Sorry Kryptoniacs, but it’s true. Superman is a total wear out. The movie is really cleverly put together, revealing information a piece at a time so that the picture keeps changing and keeps you guessing. At first Superman just seems like kind of a weirdo with a strange job. And full of shit. In the interviews he keeps saying “We don’t work for tips, we accept donations,” but in the footage him and Batman keep saying “And we work for tips” and holding their super hands out after a photos is taken. (more…)

Unlike

Posted in Comic strips/Super heroes, Documentary, Reviews | No Comments »

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

FANTASTIC 4 2: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER 1

Man, I don’t know how this works, but somehow just putting a silver guy in a movie brings me in. When FANTASTIC 4 PART 1 came out I had no interest, but when they started advertising part 2 I thought, oh, who am I fooling? Nobody can resist a silver guy. So I rented part 1 to catch up. And I gotta say, as bad as I pictured that movie being, it was actually alot worse. Definitely in the lower tier of comic book movies, which puts it in the lowest tier of movies overall unless you include immoral material like child porn, snuff, crush videos or TRANSFORMERS.

Basically the first one is the story of four unappealing dorks who get in a space accident that gives them magical powers so they put on shiny blue scuba suits, make bad puns in a big cheesy laboratory set and fight some prick that shoots lightning. The makeup on “The Thing” looks stupid, the digital effects are surprisingly terrible for a big budget movie and any attempt at turning this ridiculous shit into actual drama or excitement is immediately undermined by the constant stream of groan inducing “jokes.”

The whole thing feels unfinished and kind of brain damaged, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with the people who wrote this thing. They don’t seem to care about making one line of dialogue or scene have any connection to the next one, or for anything to evolve or develop throughout the story. Their approach to storytelling is to have a character announce their conflicts at the beginning and then at the end to announce that they have grown. They leave out the middle part where stuff happens. (more…)

2 people like this post.
Unlike

Posted in Action, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews | No Comments »

Spider-Man 3

Saturday, May 5th, 2007

Okay, first off, I only seen Spidermans 1 & 2. I have not seen anything between 1.1 and 1.9 or 2.1 through 2.9, any of these weird DVD special editions. So if I’m missing any info I apologize. But based on this limited theatrical knowledge I would have to say that the conventnerdal wisdom is probaly a little correct: Part 3 is more flawed than Part 1 or Part 2. But not by much. It is the same tone, same combo of boy-girl soap opera, cornball old fashioned comic book reverance for New York City and high-flyin’ CGI action. Only thing is in this one they are telling a more ambitious story (good) which is stitched together with some ridiculous coincidences and occasional bad ideas (bad).

For example, there is a black goo that falls from space which just happens to land right in the park where Spider-man is kickin it with his girl. Okay, admittedly the space goo may have been intentionally honing in on Spider-man’s powers, we don’t really know this. So I will let that one go. But when Tom Hayden Church is running from the pigs he just happens to climb over a fence into a science facility where, at that exact moment, scientists are about to do an experiment with sand which turns him into a sand monster. Admittedly, he did say earlier that he had bad luck, so that is sort of explained why that happens. So I guess I can let that one go too. But what about this. Eddie Brock happens to be in a church praying for God to kill Peter Parker at the exact moment Pete is yanking the evil space goo off of his suit up in the bell tower right above, so the goo falls on Eddie and turns him into a monster!? I mean what are the chances of that? The only way to explain it is that God was pissed that Eddie would defile the church with such a bullshit prayer, so He went Old Testament on him. Hmmm, actually I like that. Come to think of it, never mind, there are no coincidences, it’s air tight. (more…)

Unlike

Tags:
Posted in Action, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews | No Comments »

300

Saturday, March 10th, 2007

Make no mistake about it, it’s hard out here for a Spartan. Alot of these bastards, they’re “baptized in the fire of combat.” They grow up having to fight their dad all day, and I mean really fight him. You thought your dad pushed you too hard at hoops, well at least he didn’t beat on you until you fucked up. These guys, the beating is the actual practice. It’s their culture.

In some of the other neighborhoods, like Arcadia for example, you can grow up to be a potter, a sculptor or a blacksmith. In Sparta, you’re a soldier. But you don’t even get to talk about it, like “What do you do for a living?” “Oh, I’m a soldier. I’m baptized in the fire of combat.” In Sparta, they ask you what your trade is you gotta yell out “WHOO WHOO!” or something. You are highly trained in combat and in grunting.

Basically, you’re trained your whole life to fight, and you learn that the best thing in the world is to die “a beautiful death” in battle. If it’s not that great of a battle then forget it, it has to be a really good battle, and then if you die, that’s awesome. No mention of 72 virgins, or the afterlife at all, unless “Tonight we dine in Hell!” is meant literally, which is debatable.

But then after all that training they might not even let you fight. First of all, you have to have a son. Not just a bun in the oven either, it has to be a born son to carry on your name. Bloodlines are a big deal to these people. And then there are body image issues to deal with. There are some serious pecs and six packs on these Spartans. I don’t know if shirts were invented yet or not, but they don’t wear shirts. You can imagine that if you didn’t have pecs like that you would feel pretty fuckin worthless. You’d look like a freak. (more…)

4 people like this post.
Unlike

Tags:
Posted in Action, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews, War | No Comments »

Ghost Rider

Saturday, February 17th, 2007

GHOST RIDER is the story of an Evil Knievel type motorcycle jumper named Johnny Blaze who accidentally drips blood on a contract with the devil so his dad is cured of cancer but then dies in a motorcycle accident the next day so he leaves his girlfriend and then about 15 or 20 years later the devil turns him into a burning magic skeleton so he has to fight some gothy monster dudes and hang out with a cowboy (Sam Elliot, obviously). If you’re into bullshit like that, you might like this movie, but probaly not. I have too much respect for you to assume that.

Now, I gotta admit I went into this movie knowing I would not like it, and actually hoping it would be hilariously bad. It’s not like this is a surprise – the last movie by this director is DAREDEVIL, an absolutely fucking horrible comic book movie about a chubby blind lawyer in a red gimp outfit who fights a villain whose power is that he can kill people by flicking peanuts at them. (I’m not joking.) This is basically the same type of bullshit with more uncomfortable failed attempts at humor and a bigger budget for lots of cheesy video game style effects. (Apparently this movie cost $120 million, which almost makes me cry.)

I should’ve known what I was in for but unfortunately the trailer was so gleefully asinine and embarassingly stupid looking that I got excited to see it. Or at least, that CGI shot of “ghost rider” swinging through the buildings like Spider-man WHILE RIDING A MOTORCYCLE made me laugh every time. I can’t remember if that shot is even in the movie, if it is they don’t expand on it much. Too bad.

The skeleton is played by Oscar winner and poor crazy bastard Nicolas Cage. That sucker has been trying to make a comic book movie for what seems like 50 years, now he finally gets one and it’s this silly piece of garbage. And he doesn’t even get to play Superman, he’s only Clark Kent because whenever it’s super hero time his character switches to a Freddy Krueger voice and computer animation that would’ve been state of the art 6 or 7 years ago. It doesn’t really seem like the same guy anymore. (more…)

5 people like this post.
Unlike

Tags:
Posted in Action, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews | 21 Comments »

Elektra

Sunday, February 11th, 2007

ELEKTRA was considered sort of a flop when it came out a year or two ago, and that made the studios think there just isn’t money in female action heroes or female biopics. This may have led to the troubles with the Edie Sedgwick movie, the limited release of the Betty Page movie, etc. However, this very unorthodox and presumably fictionalized biography of Carmen Elektra is not really as bad as I thought it would be.

Jennifer Garner (Felicity) plays Elektra (they never call her Carmen) as a brooding, obsessive compulsive ninja assassin who has recently returned from the dead. (a little exaggerated there, in my opinion.) She imagines herself as a major player in some kind of mystical war between good and evil forces. I think you can interpret it a couple of ways, alot of people probaly take it literally and figure this is like CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND, this is telling us that the whole time we thought Carmen Elektra was just some chick on BAYWATCH or SINGLED OUT or whatever, she was actually also a ninja assassin. On this mission she goes to an island somewhere, it is not exactly a beach paradise but still she could be filming some pickups for BAYWATCH or MTV Spring Break while she’s there and then after she’s done with those she’s gonna assassinate some people.

However, I think you could also take this as some poetical type of shit. Because she has this manager, he is actually called a manager and he is a dumbass Hollywood type of dude, and this is the guy who gets her work. So I think that sort of indicates that it is all a metaphor, the murdering with swords and ninja stars is actually symbolic of all of the acting or modelling or strip aerobics or whatever it is she does. This is more like DRAGON: THE BRUCE LEE STORY, it is telling the story of her life but it is kind of taking some artistic license so there’s demons and crap.

Of course also there is the issue of rights, like in that movie PERMANENT MIDNIGHT they couldn’t say that Jerry Stahl wrote for ALF while he was high, so they had to make up a fake puppet character. Well, they were not able to show that Prince was Carmen Elektra’s mentor so instead they made up this Prince-like character named Stick, who is played by Terence Stamp (THE LIMEY). Instead of a musician he is a martial arts instructor and instead of being an awesome guitar player he’s blind. He wears some pretty cool martial arts type clothes which, fortunately, cover the ass area completely. But still, it’s obviously Prince. (more…)

Unlike

Tags: , ,
Posted in Action, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews | No Comments »

Hard Luck and the Blade: The Series

Sunday, August 13th, 2006

HARD LUCK

Well boys, time for another chapter in the ongoing drama THE MYSTERY OF WESLEY SNIPES, where we explore why a talented individual who starred in the three hit BLADE movies keeps doing nothing but straight to video. This new one, HARD LUCK, comes to video in October. While it’s not a particularly good movie, and it definitely shouldn’t be released theatrically, it’s at least a step up from the generic and sometimes horrible DTV action movies he’s been doing lately. It’s kind of a quirky crime movie with some occasional funny touches and an unorthodox (but not revolutionary) structure. The big news is that it reunites him with NEW JACK CITY’s Mario Van Peebles, who is director, co-writer and co-star of HARD LUCK.

A word about Mario Van Peebles. I’ve made fun of the dude alot because of the amount of DTV movies he appears in. But he’s regained my respect in recent years. I thought BAADASSSSS! was overrated. It was a TV-level movie that I think people gave a pass to because the subject is so interesting. But the one thing that was really great about it was Mario’s performance as his own dad. He was fuckin great. And then he carried that type of ’70s badass with a mustache persona into CARLITO’S WAY: RISE TO POWER, where his presence truly elevated the movie. So he has my respect now.

I’m not sure the same could be said for Sony Pictures Home Entertainment though, considering that they credited him as “Mario Peebles” on the front of this screener. Thanks alot, assholes.

There’s been talk for years that they could do a sequel to NEW JACK CITY where Nino Brown survived the shooting at the end and we find out what happens when he’s older and wiser. This is not that, but Wesley’s character “Lucky” is a similar sort of legendary Harlem hustler who people thought was dead. He took a fall and tried to turn his life around. A narrated opening sequence explains how he fell in love with his prison case worker, they moved to the south and bought a dog. But when a person in a movie is named Lucky, of course, it’s never meant literally. So Lucky suddenly gets sick and one day wakes up in the hospital surrounded by water. He thinks at first it’s the Ratpure, but actually it’s Hurricane Katrina that took his lady, his dog and his house. Melvin Van Peebles has a cameo as a crazy/wise old man who warns Wesley not to go to the Superdome, all the while enjoying a delicious fruit cup. (more…)

Only 1 person likes this post. Kinda sad.
Unlike

Tags: , ,
Posted in Comic strips/Super heroes, Crime, Drama, Martial Arts, Reviews | 1 Comment »

The Punisher (1989)

Monday, July 17th, 2006

Two years ago, I saw and accidentally enjoyed the 2004 movie THE PUNISHER starring Thomas Jane. It was another attempt at a movie version of some Marvel Comics Book which had once been made by none other than Dolph Lundgren. After I saw that movie, I wrote a review (see below), then I looked into the eyes of the universe and I made a solemn vow that one day maybe I would see the Dolph Lundgren version, who knows.

Well today I saw Dolph’s version and I’m here to report that it’s okay. I liked Thomas’s version the best but this one definitely has its moments. Like the 2004 one, this is definitely more in the action movie/vigilante style than some kind of Batman or Superman deal. The main comic book element is that Punisher lives in the sewers and has tunnels to bring him everywhere. Also he has a wacky sidekick who is some kind of homeless guy who always claims to be a theater actor, and who always rhymes.

One nice touch is that at the start of the movie Punisher has already been the Punisher for ten years and has killed 125 people or something. So you don’t have to bother with the whole explanation of how he starts out and everything. The movie begins with a news report about how the guy who killed former cop Frank Castle’s family has now been exonerated by the justice system. A reporter asks this bastard if maybe he is worried about this Punisher guy who has been killing all his mob associates. He says no and dares the Punisher to come within a thousand yards of him.

But of course the Punisher is sitting nearby on his motorcycle. We don’t see his face but we know it’s him by the shot of a boot with knives attached to it. He follows the guy home and kills off his bodyguards while he’s getting out the champagne. This is a fun scene because you never see the Punisher, he’s like some unseen force throwing knives and shit. My favorite is when he nimbly tosses a noose around a guy’s neck from a balcony above and lifts him up. (more…)

Only 1 person likes this post. Kinda sad.
Unlike

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Action, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews | 2 Comments »

Superman Returns

Saturday, July 1st, 2006

According to this movie Superman has been in outer space for five years doing some research and now he’s returned. The concept is supposed to be that everything has changed, because Lois Lane is now engaged to the guy who plays Cyclops from X-Men and has a kid. The problem is though, nothing much else has changed. Sure, this is a whole new set of actors, a new director, and modern special effects. It’s been exactly (something) years since Superman part whatever the last one was, and its two lead actors, Richard Pryor and Christopher Reeve, have both passed away. Still, director Brian Singer goes out of his way to NOT reinvent the series. He wants this to be a sequel to the old ones so he got a guy who looks like Christopher Reeve, he uses the same theme song, he puts some goofy ’80s retro comedy in there and even did retro style opening credits. In the last Star Wars I heard an audience cheer for a hallway, in this one I heard an audience cheer for a font. Strange times we’re living in.

In real life when you go away for a while and come back, it seems like the god damn planet of the apes, everything’s changed. I mean if Superman really was off the planet for the last 5 years there’s a whole lot he missed out on. He’s gonna have alot of questions.

“Why does everybody’s phones keep playing those stupid songs?” “Would you people please shut the fuck up about this god damn American Idol? Why would anybody give a shit?” “Wait a minute, that dude got re-elected?” “What do you mean never forget 9-11? What’s that all about?” etc. UNITED 93 is definitely “too soon” for Superman because he just found out about flight 93 five minutes ago and feels like an asshole for not being there.

But it doesn’t seem like Metropolis has changed much since the Christopher Reeve days. I’d like to see more new shit that wasn’t in the old ones. I already know about the evil bald dude with the wacky old timey girl sidekick, and how Kryptonite makes Superman weak, and that he can fly. I already seen Marlon Brando in a wig playing his dad. I already got that theme song stuck in my head. It’s cute nostalgia and all but let’s see a new movie here boys. What are we paying you for? (more…)

Only 1 person likes this post. Kinda sad.
Unlike

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Action, Comic strips/Super heroes, Reviews | 2 Comments »

Page 4 of 6« First...23456