If you’re waiting for another highly insightful movie review, move along. This post is all about paying bills. See, my dream is to get some bread from selling some movie idea or something, then live on that and not have to work a day job anymore so I can dedicate my life to creative pursuits and/or sleep. Of course my preference is to write a really good novel or script and have it turned into a really good movie, but let’s face it, I have not done that. So just getting paid would also be acceptable.
That’s why I have created Hollywood’s next great super hero movie idea, MARSUPERMAN. Are you tired of different Green heroes such as Hornet and Lantern, and are looking for something entirely new? Please contact me to buy it from me, Hollywood.
MARSUPERMAN is the story of Jack Thunder®, amoral big game poacher of the Australian outback. One day while out hunting razorback or whatever Jack is attacked by a genetically enhanced kangaroo that has escaped from an illegal underground fighting circuit (see animated prequel for more info). During the scuffle Jack accidentally catches his hand inside the kangaroo’s pouch, which is really gross, but also mutates him and gives him special powers.
Soon Jack begins a transformation, like in that movie Spiderman I suppose. The new one or whichever one made the most money. The hand that got pouched becomes a super strong punching hand. Then he starts growing a pouch. Also he can hop really high and when he hops his feet turn really long so he has to invent special two piece shoes with a flexible accordian extension in the center. It’s awesome.
Because of his new powers Jack becomes more sympathetic toward the plight of Australian wildlife, character growth, transformation, etc. He teams with a bunch of koalas or other Australian animals (please research) to fight off the poachers before going to a big city of some kind to stop whoever from, you know, blowing up a bridge with a laser machine or something like that. I got it all figured out and arguably even storyboarded but I gotta hold those details back until the contracts are signed in my opinion.
I think you understand this but I want to be very clear: the genius of Marsuperman is that he has a fuckin pouch, right? While other super heroes that are mammals have to wear utility belts, Marsuperman doesn’t have to wear a utility belt because he has a pouch. So if he needs a smoke pellet or a ninja star or whatever he just reaches into his pouch. This is not your father’s super hero, your father’s super hero does not have a pouch of any kind.
After the credits there’s a cliffhanger where he has a baby but he doesn’t realize it because #1 why would a guy have a baby and #2 it fits inside a thimble.
MARSUPERMAN is a groundbreaking new idea that is also familiar and comfortable as well as visionary. It will have the widest possible appeal of anything that there is. You could whip up like a comic strip version and then on the trailer it says based on the graphic novel. This is what audiences demand. Also you could shoot it on regular film and then spend a bunch of money and time transferring it to a shitty almost 3D version that most people will avoid. The latest motion capture technology like James Cameron. (James Cameron is not affiliated with MARSUPERMAN.) Fans clamor for the buzz of the worldbuilding mythology. Viral videos and social networking.
To find out where to send the money please contact outlawvern at hotmail.
VERN has been reviewing movies since 1999 and is the author of the books SEAGALOGY: A STUDY OF THE ASS-KICKING FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL, YIPPEE KI-YAY MOVIEGOER!: WRITINGS ON BRUCE WILLIS, BADASS CINEMA AND OTHER IMPORTANT TOPICS and NIKETOWN: A NOVEL. His horror-action novel WORM ON A HOOK will arrive later this year.