If you happen to flip through the Entertainment Weekly magazine this week to get the inside scoop on the SEX AND/OR THE CITY movie be sure not to have a mouth full of milk when you get to the books page so you won’t do a spit take when you see a sidebar where they interviewed me and I chose my “5 favorite Seagal moments” (I was told it was supposed to be “most badass”).
You know how you can tell I’m an asshole? Because I wrote mean things about that magazine last year and now I’m feeling all proud and excited to have my book acknowledged in there. Oh well. I just can’t believe my little self published pet project is now a real book that people know about. Everyone who wears hats please take them off to Titan Books.
There’s a funny story about that sidebar too. At the end it quotes me as saying “Seagal is waging a war on crotches.” I really called it his “War on Balls” but the writer, Adam Markovitz, later got back to me and said that it turns out you’re not allowed to say “balls” in Entertainment Weekly. He was very apologetic and embarrassed and asked if it was okay to change it to “a war on groins.” I did not think that was a good idea because technically the groin is the area where the thigh connects with the abdomen and this is not, in my opinion, Seagal’s target. So I suggested the more medically correct “War on Testicles.”
“Testicles” though was deemed too explicit so it became a war on crotches. I do not feel violated, and reader Timothy H. writes in to inform me that “crotches” is actually funnier. And anyway it wasn’t too extreme a change like in the TV version of SCARFACE when he says “Miami is like a big chicken waiting to be plucked.” Still, I thought it was important that everybody know you can’t say “balls” in Entertainment Weekly. In case that ever comes up.
And to celebrate here is a short review of CLASS OF 1999.
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